Kwabanye, uthando lumayelana nokuzidela futhi lubeke phambili okunye ukuze bababuke bahlale bejabule. Kwabanye, uthando luwuhambo nje oluhlanganyelwa ndawonye ngaphandle kwanoma yikuphi okulindelekile. Abambalwa bacabanga ukuthi umsebenzi odidayo wama-pheromones nokukhangwa ngokomzimba yilokho okunquma uthando. Kodwa isikhathi esiyikhwalithi ulimi lothando lwehlukile kuzo zonke lezi zincazelo, njengoba lubungaza uthando ngobunye.
Akekho ofike encazelweni yothando engaphelele. Kusukela ezinkondlweni kuye emafilimini ukuya ekuqhwebezeni ikilasi kuye kumfana owawuthandane naye ebangeni lesithupha, uthando lunezimo nezindlela ongeke wazichaza. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ahlukile kuwo wonke umuntu. Kodwa ngenxa yomsebenzi kaDkt. Gary Chapman, uthando nokukhuluma kwethu ngalo kungahlukaniswa ngokwezinga elithile.
Iyini Ikhwalithi Yesikhathi Sothando Ulimi?
Okuqukethwe
UDkt. Gary Chapman ungumbhali nomeluleki owasungula izilimi ezinhlanu ezibanzi zothando abantu abagxile kuzo futhi baphendule kuzo. Ulimi lwethu lothando lunquma ukuthi silubona kanjani ngempela uthando, lokho esikwenzayo ukuze silwazise, nokuthi silunikeza futhi siluthola kanjani.
Ngezinye izikhathi, lapho kukhona ukungafani kwe okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni bakho noma kuqubuke ingxabano ngoba umyeni wakho akazange akutholele lutho ngesikhumbuzo sakho kulo nyaka, kungenzeka izilimi zakho zothando zehluke. Kungase kube mayelana nezindlela ezibambekayo zokubonisana uthando komunye nomunye noma indlela ehlukile yokudlulisela uthando lwakho.
Ulimi lothando lwesikhathi esisezingeni eliphakeme lungolunye lwezilimi ezinhlanu zothando lapho abantu abaningi bevame ukwazisa noma ukunikeza uthando. Kusho ukuthi umuntu uyakwazisa ukuchitha isikhathi nawe futhi akwazi ukukwazi ngaphezu kwanoma yini enye. Ngakho-ke, uma umyeni wakho ekhohliwe ukukulethela isipho, ungamhalali ngalokho. Isizathu singaba ukuthi uyasazisa ulimi lothando lwesikhathi esisezingeni eliphakeme ngaphezu kolimi lothando oluthola izipho. Mhlawumbe, wayecabanga ukuthi nina nobabili ukuchitha ubusuku bothando ndawonye kungaba indlela engcono kakhulu yokusebenzisa isikhathi kunokukuthengela isipho.
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Izimpawu Ulimi Lwakho Lothando Isikhathi Sekhwalithi
Kalula nje, isikhathi esiseqophelweni eliphezulu ulimi lothando yilapho ozakwethu bejabulela khona ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye ngaphandle kweziphazamiso ezivamile ezifana nokusebenzisa ifoni yakho, ukubukela i-TV, noma ukulalela umculo, nokunye nokunye. Ninobabili nje nichitha isikhathi esihle nobabili, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi nixoxa kamnandi ngesidlo sakusihlwa, nipheka ukudla ndawonye, nizibambele mathupha embhedeni, noma nigonyuluka ngemva kocansi.
Ulimi lothando lwesikhathi sekhwalithi lugxile ekuzihlanganiseni nomlingani wakho futhi ukuqinisa ubudlelwano bakho nabo. Kumayelana nokulalelana nokukhuluma ngemizwa yenu. Kwenza izinto ezincane ndawonye njengokuhamba ngemoto, ukubamba u-ayisikhilimu esitolo esiseduze, ukuyothenga igrosa, noma ukuhambahamba ngezinyawo ogwini lolwandle. Uma ungakakwazi ukuthola ulimi lwakho lothando okwamanje, nazi izimpawu ezimbalwa zokukusiza uqonde:
- Unika umlingani wakho ukunaka kwakho okuphelele, okungahlukanisiwe lapho efuna ukukhuluma ngokuthile
- Uhlala wenza isikhathi somlingani wakho futhi uzizwa uphatheke kabi lapho engekho ngokwanele
- Ukuchitha isikhathi nobudlelwane nomlingani wakho kubaluleke kakhulu kuwe kunokwamukela izipho
- Uyakuzonda uma ungezwa noma ungezwakali ebudlelwaneni
- Uyacasuka uma izinsuku noma imisebenzi ehlelelwe uzakwenu kuhlehliswa
- Isikhathi sakho nomlingani wakho siwuphawu lobudlelwano
Okubaluleke kakhulu, ikhwalithi yolimi lwesikhathi sothando imayelana nendlela onaka ngayo lapho umlingani wakho enawe. Ingabe uyazinaka izidingo zabo? Ingabe ulalele ukuthi bathini? Ingabe uzizwa uyezwa futhi uthandwa? Ingabe nixhumana kahle? Ukuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi kumayelana nokwazana kangcono nokusebenzela ukwakha ubudlelwano obuqinile.
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Umngane ongathandanga kudalulwe igama lakhe, “Mina nesoka lami sasikujabulela ukuchitha isikhathi esikahle ndawonye. Sasisondelana ngesikhathi sokudla noma sibe nezingxoxo ngayo yonke into kusukela kumamuvi esiwathandayo nezinhlelo kuye ngokuthi amaphupho ethu ayini nokuthi sifunani ekuphileni. Wayengumpheki onekhono. Ngakho, sasipheka ukudla futhi senze itiye ndawonye.”
Uma ucabanga ukuthi wena noma umlingani wakho nincike kakhulu olimini lothando lwesikhathi sekhwalithi, kuhle lokho. Ukwenza kube okukhethekile nakakhulu, miningi kakhulu imibono ongangena kuyo ukuze uchithe isikhathi esiphusile ndawonye futhi uvumele ubudlelwano benu buqhakaze ngempela. Ngakho-ke ngaphandle kokuchitha isikhathi, ake singene emibonweni yolimi lwekhwalithi yesikhathi esithile.
1. Yenzani ukudla kusukela ekuqaleni ndawonye ukuze nichithe isikhathi esihle ebuhlotsheni
Cha, akudingekile ukuba ube umpheki ukuze ulungise lona. Kuningi izinhlelo zokusebenza ezimbalwa ezingakusiza ukuthi uthole izindlela zokupheka ezilula, ezijabulisayo, futhi ezibaluleke kakhulu, zizokulethela ndawonye. Ngakho-ke uma nina nobabili nijabulela ukudla njengoba nijabulela ukuba ndawonye, bese nizama lokhu ngolunye usuku.
Khetha iSonto ntambama elivilaphayo ukuze upheke ukusabalala okuphelele noma uzenzele ispaghetti ngemva kosuku olude emsebenzini. Noma ngabe kuyini, okubalulekile ukuthi nina nobabili ekhishini nishaya uthando futhi niphinde nibe nento emnandi!
2. Hambani nihambe ndawonye
Lokhu okokomuntu onolimi lothando lwesikhathi sekhwalithi kodwa futhi othanda ukujima okuhle ngokwemvelo. Into ngokuhamba izintaba ukuthi azikho iziphazamiso. Njengoba ukhuphuka igquma, konke okukuzungezile umoya ohlanzekile, ukubukwa okumangalisayo, kanye nomuntu omthanda kakhulu. Ngakho, beka eceleni zonke lezo izaba zokujima ezihlekisayo futhi ubophe izicathulo zakho.
Lesi ngesinye sezibonelo zolimi zekhwalithi lapho imibhangqwana eminingi eyenza umkhuba. Bakholelwa ekubalulekeni kokuhlanganyela isikhathi esithile ndawonye kuyilapho bejuluka. Kuwulungele umzimba wakho, ingqondo, nobudlelwano uma isikhathi sekhwalithi yolimi lothando siyinto yakho.
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3. Zizwe ngokuphuza inkomishi yekhofi
Uma umlingani wakho engumvikeli wolimi lothando lwesikhathi sekhwalithi, khona-ke cishe ucabanga ukuthi ukulalelwa nokuqashelwa nguwe kubaluleke kakhulu kunanoma yini enye omenzela yona. Yebo, ziningi izindlela ekhombisa uthando kodwa ukubakhona nje kwabo yikhona abakubheka njengokubaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni.
Ngakho-ke, ukuze ubamangaze futhi ubabonise ukuthi uyabakhathalela, dlula endaweni yabo nenkomishi yotshwala abawuthandayo futhi uchithe isikhathi ukhuluma nabo nje. Bazokwazisa ngale ndlela ngaphezu kokuba ubathumelela i-meme ehlekisayo ukuze ubajabulise phakathi nosuku.
4. Bekani amafoni akho lapho nindawonye
Kuzo zonke izilimi zothando, isikhathi sekhwalithi mhlawumbe asidingi kakhulu. Okufanele ukwenze ngempela ukuze wenze umlingani wakho azizwe ethandwa ukuba khona naye. Njengoba usushayiwe kakade, lokho cishe akuyona into enzima kangako ukuyenza. Kodwa ukuze uhambe imayela elingeziwe futhi ubanike ukunaka kwakho okungahlukanisiwe, susa ifoni yakho lapho nindawonye.
Nakuba kungase kubonakale kunzima uma uyifunda ekuqaleni, ngenxa yokuthi sonke siyizigqila zobuchwepheshe, akunzima kangako uma unomuntu onguye. ukuthandana nge. Ngakho yeka ukukhathazeka ngomphathi wakho noma umama wakho noma umhlobisi wakho. Vele ubanike ihora lesiqu sakho esiphelele futhi uchithe isikhathi esiseqophelweni eliphezulu ebudlelwaneni.
5. Hamba uhambo olude ngemva kwesidlo sakusihlwa
Ngakho-ke usanda kuchitha ingxenye yenyanga yerenti udla isidlo sakusihlwa endaweni entsha kanokusho edolobheni. Nakuba lokho kwaziswa ngempela, yini ongayenza ukuze uthathe izinto zibe phezulu? Hhayi-ke, into enhle mayelana nolimi lothando lwesikhathi sekhwalithi ukuthi akudingekile ukuthi uhlale uphuma ukuze unikeze uthando noma khombisa umuntu omkhathalelayo. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokubhekisa amabombo ekhaya uyothola i-nightcap (nokwengeziwe) ngemva kwesidlo sakusihlwa, kungani nina nobabili ningaphumi endaweni yokudlela nihambe nomaphi lapho umoya ukuyisa khona?
Njengoba ubamba isandla sabo futhi uhamba nabo edolobheni, siyakwethembisa ukuthi bazozizwa bethandwa futhi bethandwa njengakuqala. Ngalokhu, ungababonisa ukuthi isikhathi noma indawo ayinandaba. Okubalulekile nje ukuthi nindawonye. Ngemibono elula kangaka yekhwalithi yesikhathi kodwa enomthelela yothando yolimi, ungenza ngempela i-SO yakho izizwe yaziswa futhi yaziswa.
6. Bonisa isikhathi sakho sekhwalithi yothando ulimi ngokuhamba ohambweni lomgwaqo
Umoya osezinweleni zakho, umculo onyakazayo, nothando lwempilo yakho eceleni kwakho, lokhu akuyona into emfushane ngepharadesi. Ikakhulukazi uma ufuna imibono yesikhathi sekhwalithi yolimi lothando, siphakamisa ukuthi uhlele lona ngokushesha kunokuba kamuva.
Ukwabelana nje ngohambo olude lwemoto nozakwenu kungaba wusizo olukhulu kini nobabili uma nifuna ukudabula futhi nivuse leyo nhlansi. Gqoka izingoma zakho eziyintandokazi, thatha ukudla okulula namasoda, bese uphuma uye ku-B&B eseduze ngempelasonto enhle.
7. Gqoka kakhulu ngemva kocansi
Ubulili obuhle bubalulekile kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Ukuheha kwethu ngokomzimba komunye nomunye kubaluleke kakhulu njengokusondelana kwethu kwengqondo noma ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Kodwa uma umsebenzi usuphelile, ungavele ufake i-TV ethile noma uqale ukuzenzela ukudla okulula. Zama ukuhlala ukhona nozakwenu futhi nihlanganyele enkulumweni ethile yomcamelo.
Ngemva kocansi, nina nobabili cishe nizizwa nisengozini kakhulu futhi nivuleleka omunye nomunye kunangaphambili. Ngakho-ke ungachithi leli thuba ukuze usebenzise isikhathi esingcono sothando ulimi nabo. Abaphulule izinwele zabo, abaqabule ihlombe, bese ebagona.
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8. Ukuze uchithe isikhathi esengeziwe sekhwalithi ebudlelwaneni, dala isiko lansuku zonke
Kuzo zonke izibonelo zolimi lothando lwesikhathi sekhwalithi, lesi kufanele sisebenze kangcono kakhulu. Mhlawumbe nina nobabili niphila ukuphila okuhluke kakhulu futhi okumatasa kakhulu, okwenza kube nzima ukuxhuma phakathi nosuku futhi ninikezane isikhathi esisifanele nobabili. Uma kunjalo, kungaba usizo ukuhlanganisa umlingani wakho esimisweni sakho ngokudala umkhuba wansuku zonke eduze kwakhe.
Eminye yemibono yolimi lothando lwesikhathi esiyikhwalithi kulesi simo ukuthi nobabili nimisa ikholi yevidiyo nsuku zonke futhi nidle isidlo sasemini ndawonye kodwa cishe. Okufanayo kungenziwa phakathi nekhofi yakho yasekuseni. Noma kuyimizuzu emi-5 nje ubude, lokhu ukuphola okubonakalayo kungenza umehluko emhlabeni ukukhombisa umuntu ukuthi uyamthanda uma ukwenza nsuku zonke.
9. Dansani ndawonye endlini yokuphumula
Kuzwakala njengento ongayenza onyakeni wesibili wesikole samabanga aphezulu kodwa awumdala kakhulu ukuthi ungadansa nomuntu omthandayo. Ukuze ukhiphe umusi noma ukuzijabulisa nje, phonsani umculo eniwuthandayo nobabili futhi nidanse endlini. Lokhu kungenye yezinto ezinhle kakhulu izinto ozozenza nesoka lakho ekhaya.
Ezibonelweni zekhwalithi yesikhathi sothando ulimi olunjengalezi, awudingi ngisho nokukhuluma. Ukuba khona kwakho nje kanye nolimi lwakho lomzimba kwenza umsebenzi wokwenza umlingani wakho azizwe ekhethekile futhi ethandwa. Njengoba kungase kubonakale ku-corny, sibheja ukuthi uzoba nokuqhuma.
10. Batshele okwengeziwe ngawe isikhathi ngasinye
Ukusebenza ngesikhathi sakho sekhwalithi yolimi lothando kungaba yinto enhle. Kodwa konke kuhamba ize uma ungakuyeki ukuqaphela kwakho bese uzivulela isifuba komunye umuntu. Umsuka wokuchitha isikhathi esiphusile nanoma ubani usekumenzeni akwazi futhi uzame ukumqonda futhi.
Ngakho-ke kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zingaki uhambo lomgwaqo noma izikhathi zokuphuma kwekhofi ozithathayo usuka emsebenzini ukuze uhlanganyele nozakwenu, le mibono yothando yesikhathi esiyikhwalithi izosebenza kuphela uma ubavulela isifuba. Zamani ukubuzana 'Yazi mina' imibuzo noma umane uvumele ingxoxo iqhubeke ngendlela efanele, kodwa qiniseka ukuthi isikhathi enisichitha ndawonye sibalulekile kuwe nempilo yakho yothando.
Kulelo nothi, manje sekuphephile ukuphetha lolu hlu lwezibonelo zolimi lothando lwesikhathi esiyikhwalithi ongazama nozakwenu. Ngaphambi kokuthi utshuze kuqala, khumbula ukuthatha kalula. Umlingani wakho angase abe nolimi oluhlukile lothando futhi endleleni, ungase ubone ukuthi mhlawumbe nawe unalo. Noma ngabe kuyini, uzokuthola ekugcineni. Kodwa leso akusona isizathu sokungahlanganyeli ekukhoneni okuningi ngemva kocansi noma ukudansa egumbini lakho lokuphumula!
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Kuthiwani Uma Ulimi Lothando Lwakho Nomlingani Wakho Luhlukile?
Izinto zokuqala kuqala, ungathuki. Kuyinto evamile ukuthi umbhangqwana ube nezilimi ezimbili ezihlukene zothando. Ngaphezu kokukhuluma ulimi olufanayo lothando, kubalulekile ukuthi niqonde ukuthi luyini ulimi lothando lomunye nomunye. Akulula kodwa uma bobabili abalingani befuna ukuba ndawonye futhi bezimisele ukuhamba ibanga elide, akukhona ukuthi akunakwenzeka futhi. Ukuba nolimi oluhlukile lothando kulungile kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda umehluko, ngaphandle kwalokho ugcina unesizungu futhi ucasukile futhi ubeke ubuhlobo bakho engozini.
Kufanele niqonde ukuthi yini ebalulekile komunye nomunye wenu. Udinga ukwazi ukuhlukanisa izidingo zakho nezinto ozifunayo kozakwenu ukuze ukwazi ukumnika lokho akufunayo, futhi umethembe ukuthi uzokwanelisa izidingo zakho kanye nezifiso zakho. Ukuze ukwazi ukufeza lokhu, ukuxhumana kubalulekile. Kuzodingeka ngempela xhumana kangcono nomlingani wakho ukuqinisa ubuhlobo benu futhi nisondelane ndawonye. Abalingani kumele bakhulume ngalokho abakudingayo komunye nomunye nangobudlelwano.
Umqondo uwukuzizwa ubalulekile, uhlonishwa, futhi uvikelekile ebudlelwaneni obudinga ukuxhumana nabo futhi nichithe isikhathi esihle ndawonye kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, ninikezane isikhala esanele sokukhula njengabantu ngabanye. Zazise izinto ezincane umlingani wakho akwenzela zona noma kungesona isitayela sakho noma indlela ongakhombisa ngayo uthando nothando. Hloniphani ukungezwani komunye nomunye. Ningakwazi ukuxhumana futhi nithole enivumelana ngakho.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Kunemibono eminingi yesikhathi sekhwalithi yothando ongayizama. Ukulalelisisa nokulalela kakhulu ingxenye yempi enqotshiwe. Banike isikhathi sakho, bheka ngokujulile emehlweni abo, futhi uhlele imisebenzi lapho uthola khona ukunganaki umhlaba wonke futhi nixoxe.
Gary Chapman, encwadini yakhe Izilimi Ezi-5 Zothando: Imfihlo Yothando Oluhlala Njalo, ikhulume ngezilimi ezinhlanu zothando ezihlukene abantu abazisebenzisayo ukuze babonise futhi bezwe uthando - amazwi okuqinisekisa, isikhathi esihle, ukwamukela izipho, izenzo zenkonzo, kanye nokuthinta umzimba.
Ngokubenza bazizwe bethandwa futhi bethandwa nguwe ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ungazibi izingcingo zabo noma imibhalo. Qiniseka ukuthi bayazi ukuthi uhlezi ukhona uma kwenzeka bakudinga. Kufanele bakwethembe ngokwanele ukuze bathembele kuwe.
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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
