I-Intimacy Therapy Ekhaya: I-15 Yokuvivinya Ukusondelana Emshadweni

Ukusondelana akuwona umgomo wesikhathi esisodwa ongawufinyelela kodwa kuwumsebenzi oqhubekayo oqhubekayo. Njengoba uzinza kakhulu ebudlelwaneni nezinye izidingo zempilo zilwela ukunaka kwakho, umzamo owenzayo ekusekeleni noma ekujuliseni ukusondelana ungehla. Lokhu kungabangela ukuthi wena nomngane wakho womshado nizizwe nikude. Ungakhathazeki, akukho okumele uthuswe ngakho. Eqinisweni, kungokwemvelo ngokuphelele ukuthi ngisho nabashadile abanothando babe ne-ebbs kanye nokugeleza ngokusondelana. Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi ungathatha isinyathelo ekhaya ukuze uxhumane kabusha ngokuzivocavoca okunengqondo nokusebenzisana. Cabanga ngalokhu njengeseshini ye-DIY yokwelapha ukusondelana ekuvumela ukuthi ukhulise isibopho sakho ngokunethezeka kwendawo yakho. 

Njengoba umelaphi odumile wemibhangqwana uTerry Real edumile, "Ukusondelana akuyona into onayo, kodwa into oyenzayo." Izivivinyo zokusondelana emshadweni zikwenza ukwazi ukukwenza. Kulo mhlahlandlela, sizohamba nawe kwezinye zezindlela eziphumelela kakhulu zokwakha ukusondelana wena nozakwenu eningazama ngazo isandla senu. Ezinye ziyadlala, ezinye zisuka enhliziyweni, futhi zonke zenzelwe ukukusondeza eduze. Ulungele ukujulisa uxhumo lwakho? Ake siqale!

Kuyini Ukusondelana Ebudlelwaneni?

Ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni umuzwa ojulile wokusondelana nokuxhumana ozizwayo nomlingani wakho. Kuwukuzizwa “ubonwa” futhi uqondwa yibo ngempela, futhi kudlula kakhulu uthando olungokwenyama noma ukusondelana ngokocansi. Kuphinde kufake phakathi ukuphepha ngokomzwelo, ukwethembana, kanye nokuba sengozini okwabiwe. Igama elithi ukusondelana livela kwelesiLatini elithi intimus, elisho “ingaphakathi,” futhi limayelana nokuvumela umlingani wakho angene ezweni lakho elingaphakathi, imizwa yakho, ukwesaba, amaphupho, kanye nawe, ngenkathi futhi ukhathalela awabo. Ukusondelana empeleni kuza ngezindlela ezahlukene ebudlelwaneni. Nazi ezinye izinhlobo ezibalulekile zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni obunempilo:

• Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo: Ukuzizwa uphephile ukwabelana ngemizwa yakho ejulile, izinkathazo, nezinjabulo nomunye nomunye. UTerry uyachaza, “Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kusekelwe ekwethembeni. Uma ungamethemba umlingani wakho ukuthi uzonaka izidingo zakho futhi aphendule ngendlela esekelayo, kulula ukwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo.” Uma nisondelana ngokomzwelo, nobabili niyazi ukuthi nizoqondwa futhi ninakekelwe, ngisho nalapho uveza uhlangothi lwakho olusengozini.
• Ukusondelana ngokomzimba: Lokhu kuhlanganisa uthando, ukuthinta, nokuxhumana ngokocansi. Isukela ekuthinteni kwansuku zonke njengokugona, ukubambana ngezandla, nokugonana esofeni kuya ocansini. Izenzo ezincane zokusondelana ngokomzimba, kungaba ukuqabula ekuseni noma ukuhlikihlwa umhlane, zingase zibonakale zilula, kodwa zisiza ukukhulisa imfudumalo esibophweni sakho. Ukuzizwa ukhululekile futhi uphephile ngokuthintana ngokomzimba kuyisici esibalulekile sokusondelana komshado
• Ukusondelana ngokobuhlakani: Ukwabelana ngemibono, imicabango kanye nokuba nezingxoxo eziphusile. Akumele uvumelane ngakho konke. Eqinisweni, ukujabulela ukucobelelana ngemibono nokuhlonipha imibono yomunye nomunye kwakha ukusondelana ngokwengqondo. Isibonelo, ukuxoxa ngencwadi eniyifunde nobabili noma eniphikisana ngayo ngesihloko sezindaba kuyindlela imibhangqwana exhumana ngayo ngokwengqondo
• Ukusondelana kokuhlangenwe nakho: Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukubambisana ngokusebenzisa ulwazi olwabiwe nemisebenzi. Ukwenza izinto ndawonye, ​​kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukupheka ukudla, ukuhamba, noma ukubuka umdlalo ngokuzitika, kujulisa umqondo wokuthi “thina” futhi kugcine uxhumano. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle sithi, “Kunzima ukugcina ubuhlobo buqhubeka uma unomuzwa wokuthi anihlangene ngalutho. Ukuhlanganyela okuhlangenwe nakho, ngisho nokukodwa noma okubili, kungabeka isisekelo sobuhlobo obuyohlala njalo.” Lokhu kubaluleka nakakhulu ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside
• Ukusondelana ngokomoya: Ukuxhumana ngamavelu okwabelwana ngawo, izinkolelo, noma imikhuba yomoya. Lokhu kungasho ukwenza ukholo ndawonye, ​​ukuzindla njengombhangqwana, noma ukumane uqondanise izimiso ezibalulekile zempilo kanye nokusekela ukukhula komuntu siqu komunye nomunye. Ukuzwa ukuthi wabelana “ngesithombe esikhulu” noma injongo yokuphila kungajulisa isibopho sakho ngendlela ejulile

Ukusondelana kune-multi-dimensional. Umshado oqinile ngokuvamile uhilela ukulinganisa zonke lezi zinhlobo zokusondelana. Ngisho nalapho isici esisodwa sokusondelana siphela, ubuhlobo bungaqala ukuzizwa bungenangqondo. Izivivinyo zokwelashwa kwezithandani zikusiza ukuthi ulwisane nalokho. 

Isebenza Kanjani I-Intimacy Therapy?

Ukwelashwa kokusondelana kuhlanganisa izenzo, izivivinyo, kanye nezindlela ezihlose ukuthuthukisa ukusondelana nokuxhumana phakathi kwabalingani. Ekwelashweni kwemibhangqwana yendabuko , umeluleki oqeqeshiwe udala indawo ephephile yokuthi nobabili nihlanganyele futhi aniqondise ngezivivinyo noma izingxoxo ukuze kwakhiwe kabusha ukwethembana, kuthuthukiswe ukuxhumana, futhi kwandiswe uthando. Umqondo uwukusiza imibhangqwana ukuthi izilolonge ukusondelana ngendlela ehlelekile ukuze leyo mikhuba iqhubekele ekuphileni kwansuku zonke.

Ukwelashwa kokusondelana kubikela ekwenzeni lokho kube sobala. Umelaphi ukwenza ukuthi ugxile ezintweni ezikusiza ukuthi uzizwe usondelene. Isibonelo, bangase bakucele ukuba wenze umsebenzi olula njengokubheka amehlo noma ukwabelana ngezinto ezintathu enizijabulelayo ngomunye nomunye. Kungase kuzwakale kucashile ekuqaleni, kodwa lezi zivivinyo zidala ukuzizwisa okuhle okusha futhi zifundise ubuchopho bakho ukuhlobanisa umlingani wakho nokuphepha nokufudumala futhi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lezi zikhathi ezincane zokuxhuma zingase zibe yisibopho esijule kakhulu. Nazi izimiso ezimbalwa ezibalulekile zendlela izivivinyo zokubuyisela ukusondelana emshadweni okusebenza: 

• Ukudala indawo ephephile: Umelaphi omuhle uzokhuthaza ukuba sengozini ngokuqinisekisa ukuthi akekho ozizwa ehlulelwa noma ehlaselwa. Ekhaya, lokhu kusho ukubekela eceleni isikhathi lapho nobabili nivuma ukukhululeka nomusa. Izivivinyo zokusondelana zisebenza kangcono uma nobabili nizizwa nilondekile ngokwanele ukuba niyeke ukuqapha
• Ukuxhumana okuqondisiwe: Izivivinyo eziningi zokwelapha ngokusondelana zihlanganisa ukuxhumana okuhlelekile. Ningase nishintshane ngokukhuluma nokulalela, ngemithetho efana nokungaphazamisi, noma ukuphinda lokho okuzwile ukuze niqiniseke ukuthi niyaqonda. Amaqhinga afana ne-Imago Dialogue, lapho omunye uzakwethu ekhuluma bese omunye ebuka ngezibuko lokho akuzwile, noma izingxoxo Zokwelapha Ezigxile Emzwelweni ezihlola imizwa ngaphansi kwezingxabano, zisetshenziselwa ukugqugquzela ukuzwelana. Ngokuzijwayeza ukulalela okukhuthele nokwabelana ngokwethembeka, imibhangqwana ifunda “ukuzwana” ngempela futhi. Lokhu kungancibilikisa iminyaka yokungaqondi kahle
• Gxila ekuphenduleni ngokomzwelo: UDkt. Sue Johnson, umdali we-Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, ugcizelela ukuthi isihluthulelo sothando oluhlala njalo ukusabela ngokomzwelo. Empeleni, ukukhombisa umlingani wakho ukuthi “Ngikhona ngenxa yakho.” Izivivinyo zokusondelana ngokuvamile zikusiza ukuthi uvumelane nezidingo zemizwa yomunye nomunye
• Umsebenzi wasekhaya kanye nemikhuba: Ekwelapheni okusemthethweni, imibhangqwana ivame ukunikezwa umsebenzi wesikole. Lokhu ngokuvamile kufaka phakathi amasiko amancane noma izenzo okumelwe zenziwe phakathi kwamaseshini, njengokugona kwansuku zonke kwamasekhondi angu-60 noma ubusuku bedethi bamaviki onke. Ukwelashwa kokusondelana kuyaqaphela ukuthi imikhuba engaguquki ingabumba kabusha ubuhlobo. Ngokuhlanganisa lezi zenzo ohlelweni lwakho, empeleni "uqeqesha" ubudlelwano bakho ukuze busondelane kakhulu ngokuqhubekayo.

Okubaluleke kakhulu, ukwenza lezi zivivinyo ndawonye kuwukwelapha. Ngisho noma ulandela nje ukwaziswa okuvela encwadini noma kumhlahlandlela ofana nalo, nithumelana umlayezo: “Ngifuna ukusebenza ngathi. Ubalulekile kimi.” Lokho kukodwa kungaqala ukwakha kabusha ukusondelana. Kungase kuzizwe kushizi noma kungathandeki ekuqaleni. Izithandani eziningi azijwayele “ngokusemthethweni” ukubukana emehlweni noma ukukhuluma imizuzu emi-5 ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka. Qhubeka nakho! Amukele amahlaya ngokuxakaniseka. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lezi zinqubo zizoqala ukuzizwa zingokwemvelo, futhi uzozilangazelela.

Okokugcina, khumbula ukuthi umbhangqwana ngamunye uhlukile. Ukwelashwa kokusondelana, noma ngabe kuholwa uchwepheshe noma okwenziwe nge-DIY, kumayelana nokuthola ukuthi yini ekusiza nina nobabili nizizwe nisondelene. Vuleleka ekuzameni izinto ezintsha futhi unake lokho okujabulisa kakhulu. Uma ukuzivocavoca kuvusa ukuxhumana noma "Aha!" mzuzu, yigcine ku-toolkit yakho futhi ukwenze umkhuba ojwayelekile. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokulungisa Umshado Ophukile Nokuwusindisa

15 Izivivinyo Zokusondelana Emshadweni Kwabashadile

Ukuzivocavoca kokusondelana kwemibhangqwana kunikeza izindlela ezahlukahlukene zokuxhumanisa kabusha nomlingani wakho , kusukela ezingxoxweni ezisuka enhliziyweni kuya emisebenzini elula. Ezinye zingase zikucindezele kancane ngaphandle kwendawo yakho yokunethezeka, kodwa ngayinye iklanyelwe ukudala izikhathi zokuxhumana okunenjongo. Zama eyodwa noma ezimbili ukuqala, noma ubeke eceleni "ubusuku bemibhangqwana" obujwayelekile ukuze uzame ukuzivocavoca isonto ngalinye. Khuluma nabo ngengqondo evulekile kanye nomuzwa wokubambisana.

Khumbula, akuwona umdlalo, kumayelana nokuzwana ngokugcwele. Ngisho noma uzizwa uyisiphukuphuku ngokwenza umsebenzi, usabambe iqhaza kulobo buthutha! Futhi, zizwe ukhululekile ukuzivumelanisa lezi nezidingo zakho. Sebenzisa okusebenzayo, lungisa okungasebenzi. Unalokho engqondweni, ake singene ezivivinyweni eziyi-15 zokusondelana emshadweni eningaqala ukuzizama noshade naye namuhla:

1. Ukubuka umphefumulo—Ukuthintana kwamehlo ukuze uthole ukuxhumana okujulile

Lo msebenzi umayelana nokwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kanye nokuthembana ngokubukana emehlweni. Uvame ukusetshenziswa ekwelapheni ukusondelana kwemibhangqwana njengendlela esheshayo yokuxhumana kabusha. Yebo, kungazwakala kungathandeki ekuqaleni, kodwa yilokho okuyikho. Sijwayele kakhulu ukuhambahamba ngezingcingo nokwenza imisebenzi eminingi kangangokuthi asivamile ukunikeza umlingani wethu ukunaka okuphelele. Uma ubheka umphefumulo, wenza lokho kanye. Ungase umangale ngokukhuphuka kwemfudumalo nokusondelana ozizwayo ngemva kwemizuzu embalwa yokuxhumana kwamehlo okuqhubekayo.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Setha isigcawu: Thola indawo ethule, nenethezekile ekhaya lapho ungeke uphazamiseke khona. Hlalani phansi nibhekane, nihlale eduze ngokwanele ukuthi amadolo akho athinte uma kungenzeka
• Nethezeka futhi ulalele: Thatha umoya ojulile kanyekanye ukuze uxazulule noma yimiphi imizwa. Bese bebukana emehlweni. Ungakwazi ukucwayiza ngokuvamile, kodwa gwema ukukhuluma. Gxila embaleni wamehlo omlingani wakho, imininingwane emincane, kanye nemfudumalo noma imizwa oyizwayo. Kulungile uma nobabili niqala ukumamatheka noma ngisho nokugigitheka. Kuvamile ngokuphelele!
• Isikhathi: Zama ukubamba ukuthintana emehlweni cishe imizuzu emi-3 ukuya kwemi-5. Ungase usethe isibali-sikhathi esithambile noma udlale ingoma epholile oyintandokazi futhi uvume ukubuka okungenani ize iphele ingoma. Umculo ungadambisa noma yimaphi amajita athule
• Hlala ukhona: Uma ingqondo yakho izulazula, buyisela ngobumnene ukugxila kwakho kumngane wakho womshado. Zicabange ukuthi ukubuka emehlweni kusho ukuthi ubheka kumuntu omthandayo
• Ngemva kwalokho, khuluma ngakho: Uma isikhathi sesiphelile, yabelanani ngokugona noma nibambene ngezandla. Zinikeni isikhashana nixoxe ngendlela ebezizwa ngayo. Ingabe uye wazizwa usondelene, uphazamisekile, ungokomzwelo? Ayikho impendulo efanele. Vele uvule futhi ungafihli

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Uthando Ngemva Komshado - Izindlela Eziyi-9 Ezihlukile Ngazo Othandweni Ngaphambi Komshado

2. Ukulalela okungaphazanyiswa—Isivivinyo sokulalela semizuzu emi-5

Empilweni yethu yansuku zonke, kulula ukuzizwa sengathi umlingani wakho akakulaleli ngempela. Lokho kukhala akulona ihaba. Iqiniso liwukuthi, iningi lethu alizona izilaleli ezinhle, futhi ikhono lethu lokulalela ngempela lokho umlingani wethu angase akushoyo lifiphazwa kakhulu lapho sihlanganisa umsebenzi, izingane, nemisebenzi yasekhaya. Lo msebenzi wenzelwe ukusiza abalingani ukuthi banikezane ukunaka okuphelele.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Khetha isikhulumi nomlaleli: Nquma ukuthi ubani ozokhuluma kuqala. Mhlawumbe omunye wenu ubenosuku olunzima futhi udinga ukuphumela obala, noma omunye unokuthile emqondweni wakhe. Ungakwazi futhi ukwenza isibuyekezo semizwa evamile
• Setha isibali sikhathi: Vumelana ngesikhathi, noma yikuphi phakathi kwemizuzu engu-3-5 kuhle. Setha isibali sikhathi kufoni yakho noma ewashini ukuze ungagcini isibalo sengqondo
• Indima yomlaleli: Uma ungumlaleli, umsebenzi wakho uwukuba khona ngokuphelele. Lokho kusho ukuthi akukho ukuphazamisa, akukho ukugxumela ngeseluleko noma izindaba “nami futhi”, futhi nakanjani akukho nokubuka ifoni yakho noma i-TV. Lalela nje. Ungakwazi ukunqekuzisa ikhanda, ubambe isandla soshade naye, noma uphendule ngendlela ebonisa uzwela, kodwa ungakhulumi kuze kuphele isikhathi sakhe.
• Indima yesikhulumi: Uma uyisikhulumi, vula. Khuluma nganoma yini esemqondweni wakho. Indlela obuzizwa ngayo ebudlelwaneni, izingcindezi onazo, into ekujabulisile noma yacasula kuleli sonto. Ukwazi ukuthi ngeke uphazamiseke kungakhulula ngendlela emangalisayo. Thatha isikhathi esigcwele uma usidinga, noma ngaphansi uma uzizwa usuqedile
• Shintsha izindima: Uma isibali sikhathi sicisha, yima kancane. Manje isilaleli singaphendula uma kudingekile, nakuba ngezinye izikhathi nje “Ngiyabonga ngokungitshela lokho” noma ukwanga kwanele. Bese nishintshanisa izindima bese niphinda isikhathi esifanayo, ukuze nobabili nikhulume futhi nilalele
• Ngemva kwalokho: Cabanga nganoma yini ekumangazile. Ngokuvamile, sifunda izinto ezintsha mayelana nomhlaba wangaphakathi wozakwethu lapho silalela ngempela. Ungase udalule izinkinga ongazi ukuthi zikhona. Sibonga omunye nomunye ngokulalela ngokukhululekile

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lo msebenzi ungathuthukisa ukuxhumana kwakho kwansuku zonke. Umsebenzisi we-Reddit wabelane, “Siphuza i-cocktail egcekeni futhi sixoxa nje… ukuxhumana ngokomzimba okungahleliwe, singalindele ucansi, futhi siyashintshana ngokulalelana ngosuku lwethu.” Bathole ukuthi kubasizile ukuzizwa bezwiwe futhi bexhumene.

3. Umhlangano wokungena wamasonto onke

Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungabujulisa kanjani ubudlelwano obungokomzwelo emshadweni lapho impilo iba matasa futhi ukuxhumana kwakho kuba yimbangela yokuqala yokulimala, lalela. Umkhuba olula wokungena masonto onke ungasiza ekuqedeni lokhu. Abelaphi abaningi bomshado batusa lo mkhuba ngoba uvimbela intukuthelo ukuthi inqwabelane futhi ukukunikeza inkundla eqhubekayo yokugubha ukunqoba nokuxazulula noma yiziphi izinkinga ezincane ngaphambi kokuba zikhule. Cabanga ngakho njengokulungiswa ngokomzwelo okwenzayo masonto onke ukuze ugcine ubudlelwano buhamba kahle.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Setha usuku/isikhathi esivamile: Khetha usuku nesikhathi seviki onganamathela kukho ngokunengqondo. Mhlawumbe ngeSonto kusihlwa, uma izingane sezilele, noma ngoMgqibelo ekuseni ziphuze ikhofi. Vimba ~ amaminithi angu-30 kulo mhlangano futhi uwuphathe sengathi ubungenza i-aphoyintimenti ebalulekile
• Nciphisa iziphazamiso: Hamba endaweni ethule ekhaya, beka amafoni ethulile, futhi uqinisekise ukuthi izingane (uma zikhona) zimatasa noma zilele.
• Thola usizo lwemibuzo eyisiqondiso: Kwesinye isikhathi kuba nzima ukwazi ukuthi ungayiqala kanjani ingxoxo. Ningalungiselela imibuzo embalwa ejwayelekile eniyiphendula nobabili isonto ngalinye. Nazi izibonelo ezimbalwa: Uzizwa kanjani ngathi kuleli sonto? Ingabe kukhona okukukhathazayo noma okuthile ozizwa ungaphelele ngakho kuleli sonto elidlule? Yini engiyenzile muva nje oyazise? Ngingakwenza kanjani uzizwe uthandwa kakhulu ezinsukwini ezizayo?
• Shintshanani ngokwabelana: Omunye wenu uhamba kuqala kuyilapho omunye elalele. Bese ushintsha. Thembeka kodwa ube mnene. Lesi akusona isikhathi sokuhlasela, kodwa kunalokho ukuveza imizwa nezidingo. Uma okuthile bekucasula, khuluma ngakho ngomoya ophansi futhi usebenzise izitatimende ezithi “Mina”. “Ngezwa ubuhlungu lapho…”, esikhundleni sokuthi, “Awusoze…”. Futhi yabelana ngezinto ezinhle. "Ngikuthandile ngenkathi ungimangaza ngekhofi ngoLwesibili, lenze usuku lwami."
• Xazulula izinkinga futhi ugubhe: Uma kukhona izinkinga eziqhamukayo, thathani imizuzu embalwa nixoxe ngezixazululo ndawonye. Qeda umhlangano ngamazwi othando. Mhlawumbe ngamunye wenu usho into eyodwa ayithandayo noma ayazisayo ngomunye kulelo sonto. Ukuncoma okuncane noma ukubonga lapha kuhamba ibanga elide ekusondelaneni ngokomzwelo.

Ngokwenza lokhu kube umkhuba, uzothola ukuthi ukungezwani kusheshe kuphele futhi nobabili nizizwa “nivumelana” kakhulu. Kufana nokwenza ukunakekelwa njalo ebudlelwaneni bakho ngakho akuvamile ukuba ube nokuhlukana okukhulu. 

4. Umdlalo wokwazisa

Ukuzivocavoca ukwakha ukusondelana kwabashadile kungashesha futhi kube lula. Umdlalo wokubonga uyisibonelo sakudala salokho. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, iphumelela ngendlela emangalisayo ekukhuliseni imizwa eyakhayo phakathi kombhangqwana. Umqondo uwukukhetha itimu bese ngamunye wenu ebhala ngokushesha izinto ezinhlanu ezihlobene naleyo timu. Isibonelo, "Izinto ezinhlanu engizijabulelayo ngawe" noma "Izinkumbulo ezinhlanu eziyintandokazi nawe." 

Kunikhuthaza nobabili ukuba nigxile kokuhle komunye nomunye nasebudlelwaneni benu. Ngokuvamile emishadweni yesikhathi eside, siqala ukuthatha izinto ezinhle kalula futhi siqaphele kuphela ukuthi yini engalungile. Lokhu kuguqula iskripthi. Kungaholela ekuhlekeni, ekufiseni, ngisho nasezinyembezini zenjabulo ngezinye izikhathi. Futhi, kuthatha imizuzu embalwa kuphela, ngakho ungakwenza lokhu noma nini, noma kuphi.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Khetha itimu: Nquma ngesihloko somjikelezo. Ezingasoze zabuna zihlanganisa: “Izinto ezi-5 engizithandayo ngawe,” “izizathu ezingu-5 zokuthi ngibonge ngawe namuhla,” “izikhathi eziyizintandokazi ezingu-5 kusukela eminyakeni yethu sindawonye,” noma ngisho neziwubulima njengokuthi “izinto ezi-5 ozenzayo ezingenza ngimamatheke.” Ungakhetha noma iyiphi itimu inqobo nje uma ivuma. Yiba nobuchule
• Okunye ukufakwa kuhlu: Ungakwenza lokhu ngezindlela ezimbili. Inketho 1: Omunye wenu ubala zonke "izinto" zabo ezinhlanu kuyilapho omunye elalele, bese niyashintshana. Indlela yesi-2: Shintshanani ngamunye ngamunye. Usho okukodwa, bese umlingani wakho asho okukodwa, njalo njalo kuze kufike ezinhlanu. Thola ukuthi yini ezwakala ijabulisa kakhulu. Eminye imibhangqwana iyakuthokozela ukubuyela emuva naphambili ngoba kuyaxoxwa kakhulu
• Cacisa futhi uzimisele: Njengoba ubhala izinto, zama ukucacisa. Ngokwesibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi, “Ungubaba okahle,” yithi, “Ngiyayithanda indlela osize ngayo ngesineke indodana yethu ngomsebenzi wesikole.” Noma esikhundleni sokuthi “Iholide lethu belimnandi,” yithi, “Angisoze ngalikhohlwa sidansa emvuleni ohambweni lwethu lwesikhumbuzo seminyaka yonke.” Specific amazwi okuvuma yenza ukwazisa kujule
• Yamukela isikhathi sokuzizwa ujabule: Ngemva kokuba ngamunye wenu esebelane ngezinto ezinhlanu, thathani isikhashana. Ungase ugcine ngokuxoxa ngento eyodwa noma ngaphezulu esohlwini. Ivumele igelezele engxoxweni eyakhayo ebanzi. Gxila kumavayibhu amahle futhi mhlawumbe ufunde okuthile okumnandi ongazange uqaphele ukuthi owakwakho ukubonile

Lo msebenzi omncane uyindlela ejabulisayo yokuzijwayeza ukubonga ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukukhombisa ukubonga ebudlelwaneni kuholela ekusondeleni okukhulu kanye nokwaneliseka.

5. Ukugona kwansuku zonke kwemizuzwana engama-20 

Nansi enye yemisebenzi elula yokubopha imibhangqwana: ukwangana kakhulu, nokugona isikhathi eside. Ukuthinta ngokomzimba kukhuthaza ukukhishwa kwe-oxytocin, okusisiza sizizwe sixhumene futhi siphephile. Ukucindezela okusheshayo kuhle, kodwa ucwaningo luphakamisa ukuthi ukubamba ukwangana cishe imizuzwana engama-20 noma ngaphezulu kuveza izinzuzo ezinhle kakhulu zokunciphisa ukucindezeleka nokuthuthukisa ukuxhumana.

Lo msebenzi usiza ukwakha umkhuba wokwabelana ngokugona okuhle, okude nsuku zonke. Kuyamangaza ukuthi isenzo esilula kangaka singakwazi kanjani ukusetha kabusha ithoni yemizwa phakathi kwenu, ikakhulukazi ngemva kosuku olude noma lapho omunye wenu ekhathazekile. 

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Khetha isikhathi sakho: Khomba isikhathi osukwini lapho ukwanga okungazwakala kungokwemvelo. Ezivamile yilezi: into yokuqala ekuseni, lapho oyedwa noma nobabili efika ekhaya evela emsebenzini, noma ngaphambi kokuba nihambe niyolala ebusuku. Ungenza ngisho nakho konke okungenhla! Kodwa qala okungenani isikhathi esisodwa esiqinisekisiwe sokwanga ngosuku
• Ukwanga futhi uhlale: Uma ugona, wangana ngempela. Goqana izingalo zakho bese nibambana niqinise ngendlela enethezekile. Manje ungasheshi uhambe. Nweba ngokuqaphela ukwanga kuye kumasekhondi angu-20 noma ngaphezulu. Ungase ubale buthule noma uhambe kuze kube yilapho omunye wenu ngokwemvelo edinga ukuhoxa
• Phefumula ndawonye: Njengoba ubamba ukwanga, zama ukuqaphela ukuphefumula kwakho. Mhlawumbe futhi uvumelanise ukuphefumula kwakho kancane. Lokhu kukhulisa umphumela wokupholisa. Ngokuvamile uzozwa imisipha yomunye nomunye ikhululeka ngemva kokuphefumula okumbalwa. Uma unethezekile, ungavala amehlo akho ngesikhathi sokugona futhi ujabulele ukusondelana
• Azikho iziphazamiso: Ukwanga kwamasekhondi angu-20 kufushane, kodwa qiniseka ukuthi ukhona ngokugcwele. Lokho kusho ukumisa isikhashana i-TV, ukubeka phansi ithawula lesitsha, noma ukumisa noma yini enye. Konke okunye makulinde lezo zikhathi
• Yisebenzise ngezikhathi zokucindezeleka: Khumbula le nqubo ezikhathini ezishubile. Uma omunye wenu ecasukile noma nisanda kuba nengxabano, ukuqalisa ukwanga isikhathi eside kungaba igatsha lomnqumo elinamandla.

Imibhangqwana eminingi ibika ukuthi ngemva kokwenza ukwanga okude kwansuku zonke, izizwa inothando kakhulu. UHarper, 33, uthi, “Ukwanga ebusuku ngaphambi kokulala kwaba umzuzu engiwuthanda kakhulu usuku.” Kwangiqinisekisa ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani, sasiyophetha usuku ngenothi lothando.” Yingakho lokhu kungaba yithuluzi elihle lokujulisa noma lokubuyisela ukusondelana emshadweni.

6. Isikhathi sokugona esandisiwe

Ukugonana okungokwesiko , ukulalana ezingalweni, okuboshwe kusofa noma embhedeni, kungaba yinto esondelene njengocansi, ngendlela ehlukile. Kudala umuzwa wokufudumala, ukuphepha, nothando. Lo msebenzi wokwelapha ukusondelana ukhuthaza ukuthi uqoqe ngamabomu isikhathi sokugonana, ikakhulukazi uma siwele eceleni kwendlela. Ngokungafani nokugonana okusheshayo, lokhu kumayelana nokuhlala useduze isikhathi eside, okukuvumela ukuthi nobabili niphumule ngokujulile ebukhoneni bomunye nomunye. Kuyindlela enhle yokuqeda usuku futhi kungaba umkhuba omuhle wobusuku obonisa imizimba yenu kanye nezingqondo zenu ukuthi nixhumene.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Khetha isikhathi: Imibhangqwana eminingi ithola ukuthi isikhathi sokulala sifanelekile kulokhu. Esikhundleni sokuthi umuntu oyedwa askrole ocingweni lwakhe omunye abuke i-TV nize nilale nobabili, zama ukunikeza imizuzu yokugcina eyi-10-15 yosuku ekugonaneni embhedeni. Kungenjalo, ekuseni ngempelasonto noma ngeSonto ntambama elithulile esofeni lisebenza futhi. Khetha noma yisiphi isikhathi ongakhululeka ngaso ngaphandle kokujaha
• Setha imvelo: Kwenze kuthokomele. Fiphalisa izibani, vula umculo opholile uma uthanda, noma vele ujabulele ukuthula. Qinisekisa ukuthi ngeke uphazamiseke. Mhlawumbe thatha ingubo yokulala ethokomele. Yenza noma yini oyidingayo, ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi lesi yisikhathi sokuphumula kini nobabili 
• Gqoka: Lalani phansi ndawonye kunoma iyiphi indawo ozizwa kamnandi ngayo. Isikhundla sesipuni siyintandokazi phakathi kwemibhangqwana eminingi. Noma nibhekane imilenze iphithane. Noma omunye emhlane nekhanda lomunye esifubeni. Ayikho indlela engalungile. Okubalulekile wukuthintana nomzimba wonke nokunethezeka
• Yicwilise phakathi: Jabulela ukusondelana ngokomzimba ngaphandle kokulindelwe. Uma kuholela esenzweni esithile, lokho kuhle kakhulu. Kodwa ungasondeli kulo msebenzi ngaleyo ngcindezi. Ningakhulumela phansi ngezinto ezijabulisayo noma nilale buthule nilalele ukushaya kwenhliziyo yomunye. Eminye imibhangqwana ithanda ukuphululana ngobumnene noma ukudlala ngezinwele zomunye nomunye. Futhi, yenza lokho okubona kulungile kuwe
• Kwenze umkhuba: Zama ukwenza lokhu kube umkhuba wokuphefumula ebusuku. Uma kungenjalo ebusuku, okungenani izikhathi ezimbalwa ngesonto. Uma omunye wenu ethanda ukuba isikhova sasebusuku kanti omunye engesona, ungase uhlele isikhathi sokugona ngaphambi kwesikhathi kusihlwa kusofa ngenkathi ubukele umbukiso. Futhi ngokushesha imizimba yakho izovele ikulangazelele futhi ikukhumbuze ngokwemvelo.

Imibhangqwana abenza lokhu ngokuvamile bathi kuthuthukisa kakhulu umuzwa wabo wokusondelana. Ngisho nangezinsuku lapho beninomoya omnene nothile, ukunamathela esikhathini sokugonana kungasiza ukuqeda ukungezwani. Kunzima ukubambelela entukuthelweni uma ugone ngokoqobo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kungase futhi kukhulise ukusondelana ngokomzimba ngokwemvelo, ngoba ugcina isisekelo sokuthintana kothando okugcina inhlansi ingagezi. Kodwa ngisho nangaphakathi nakwakho, lokho kubambana okuthulile kungaba ezinye zezikhathi enizithanda kakhulu njengombhangqwana.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Iyini Indlela Yokuthola Umshado Ojabulisayo?

7. Ukuphefumula kwesiphongo esiphongweni

Lokhu kungenye yezindlela zokuzivocavoca zokusondelana emshadweni ezikhuthaza ukuxhumana okunengqondo futhi kuyindlela yokuvumelanisa imizimba yenu nokuzola izingqondo zenu ndawonye. Ngokuhlala namabunzi ethintana futhi ephefumula ngazwi linye, udala umuzwa onamandla wokuba "uvumelana" nomlingani wakho. Imibhangqwana eminingi ithola ukuthi ukwenza lokhu imizuzu embalwa nje kubashiya bezizwa benomusa kakhulu komunye nomunye futhi bekhululekile kakhulu.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Nethezeka futhi uvale: Hlalani phansi nibhekane, niphambanise imilenze embhedeni noma phansi, noma kusofa. Kungenjalo, ningalala ngezinhlangothi nibhekane. Hambisa ukuze amabunzi akho athinte kahle. Vala amehlo akho noma ugcine ukugqolozele okuthambile
• Xhuma ngokuthinta: Ungabeka izandla zakho ndawana thize emizimbeni yomunye. Mhlawumbe beka izandla zakho emahlombe omunye nomunye, bopha izingalo zakho komunye nomunye, noma izintende zakho zibhekane nezabo. Umqondo uwukuzizwa uxhumekile ngokomzimba ngaphezu kwephuzu elilodwa. Beka amabunzi akho ndawonye
• Qala ukuphefumula okujulile: Hofuza kancane futhi ujule ngekhala lakho, bese ukhipha umoya kancane ngekhala noma ngomlomo. Njengoba uqala, zama ukuvumelanisa umoya wakho ukuze uhogele futhi ukhiphe ngesikhathi esifanayo.
• Bala ukuphefumula okumbalwa: Khomba ukwenza okungenani ukuphefumula okungu-7-10 ngokuvumelanisa. Kuzothatha imizuzu embalwa kuphela. Uma ukujabulele, zizwe ukhululekile ukuqhubeka isikhathi eside. Ukuphefumula okumbalwa kokuqala kungase kuzwakale kunokuzinyeza, kodwa njengoba uqhubeka, uzoqala ukukhululeka kukho.
• Qaphela imizwa: Naka ukuthi konke okwenziwayo kuzwakala kanjani. Isikhumba somlingani wakho sithinta esakho, ukuphakama nokuwa kwezifuba zakho, ukufudumala kokuphefumula kwabo. Ngokuvamile, ukuphefumula kwakho ngokwemvelo kuzowela esilinganisweni esifanayo ngaphandle komzamo omkhulu. Kucishe kufane nemizimba yenu “ikhumbula” ukuthi ivumelana kanjani

Lokhu kuvivinya umzimba kuyindlela enhle yokuphinda nigxile komunye nomunye uma izinto bezimatasatasa. Ngokuzayo lapho omunye wenu ezizwa ekhathazekile noma nina nobabili ningezwani, zama lokhu kuxhumana kwesiphongo. Ingakubuyisela buthule endaweni yokuvumelanisa imizwa nokuthula.

8. Bhala izincwadi zothando 

Kukhona into ethandekayo nehlala njalo ngencwadi yothando ebhalwe ngesandla , ikakhulukazi kulesi sikhathi semiyalezo yombhalo nama-emoji. Lo msebenzi uhilela ukuthi ngamunye wenu abhalele omunye incwadi yothando noma incwadi yokubonga, bese nishintshana ngayo. Ukubhala kukuvumela ukuthi uveze imizwa ongase ube nobunzima ukuyisho ubuso nobuso. Ungathatha isikhathi sakho sokubhala amagama, futhi umlingani wakho uthola okuthile okuphathekayo angakufunda futhi noma nini lapho edinga isikhumbuzo sothando lwenu.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Setha incwadi "idethi yamanqamu": Khetha usuku lweviki lapho nobabili niyobe senilungile izincwadi zenu. Ukuba nomnqamulajuqu ohlanganyelwe kwengeza ukuziphendulela okuncane, ukuze umuntu oyedwa angakhohlwa noma ahlehlise
• Thola isikhathi esithulile sokubhala: Ngamunye wenu kufanele ahlale phansi yedwa ukuze abhale incwadi yakhe. Thatha ucezu oluhle lwezinto zokubhala nanoma yiliphi iphepha, bese ubhala. Amaphuzu ebhonasi okubhala ngesandla. Kuzwakala okomuntu siqu kakhulu kune-imeyili noma inothi kuhlelo lwakho lokusebenza lwamanothi
• Okufanele Ubhale: Awuqinisekile ukuthi ungaqala kanjani? Cabangela ukufaka ezinye zalezi zici:
  
  • Okuthandayo ngowakwakho. Ubuntu babo, imikhuba, nendlela abakuphatha ngayo wena noma abanye
  • Bayenze kanjani impilo yakho yaba ngcono noma ijabule
  • Inkumbulo eyintandokazi noma ezimbili ezisafudumeza inhliziyo yakho
  • Yini oyithandayo noma oyihloniphayo ngabo
  • Izithembiso noma amathemba ngekusasa
  • Izinto ofuna ukubabonga ngazo
    
• Shintshanisa futhi ufunde: Nquma ukuthi ufuna ukushintshanisa kanjani lezi zinhlamvu. Eminye imibhangqwana izowahambisa futhi iwafunde buthule ngenkathi ihlezi ndawonye. Abanye bangase bahwebe bese befunda izincwadi zomunye ngokuzwakalayo. Yenza lokho okubona kulungile. Kungase kube nemizwa, futhi lokho kuyinto enhle. Gcina izicubu ezithile ziseduze uma kwenzeka!
• Gcina futhi ufunde kabusha: Ngemva kokwabelana, gcina lezo zinhlamvu endaweni ethile ekhethekile. Ungazivakashela kabusha noma nini lapho udinga umthamo wokubonga. Eminye imibhangqwana yenza ibhokisi elincane lezincwadi zabo noma amanothi komunye nomunye eminyakeni edlule. Iba yinqolobane yothando eqinisa isibopho senu

9. Gcina amajenali okubonga 

Lokhu kuphakathi kwezivivinyo zezithandani zakudala zokwakha nokuqinisa ukusondelana ngokwenza umzamo obonakalayo wokuzijayeza ukubonga ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ijenali yokubonga ngokuvamile iyidayari yomuntu siqu lapho ubhala khona izinto ozibongayo ngosuku ngalunye. Lapho kusetshenziswa emshadweni, kusho ukwenza umzamo oqotho wokuqaphela nokuqopha izinto ozazisayo ngomngane wakho womshado nokuphila kwenu ndawonye. 

Ngokwenza lokhu njalo, uqeqesha ubuchopho bakho ukuba bugxile kakhulu ezintweni ezinhle kunezimbi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kugxila okuhle kungandisa kakhulu imizwa yokusondelana nenjabulo emshadweni wakho. Futhi kuyindlela enhle yokubonisa uthando ebudlelwaneni.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Thola ama-notebook amabili: Thenga noma phinda ulungise amajenali amabili amancane, elilodwa ngalinye kini. Akudingeki ukuba babe fancy. Ngisho nencwajana elula izokwenza
• Bhala kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka: Hlela ukubhala kujenali yakho yokubonga nsuku zonke, noma okungenani izikhathi ezi-3-4 ngeviki. Okufakiwe kwakho kungaba kufushane, kube namachashazi alinganayo. Iphuzu liwukwehlisa. Bhala phansi izinto ezi-3 obonga ngazo ngalolo suku. Zama ukufaka okungenani eyodwa ehlobene nomngane wakho womshado noma ubuhlobo uma ukwazi
• Yabelana ngezikhathi ezithile: Unganquma ukuthi ukwabelana kanjani. Eminye imibhangqwana yabelana ngento eyodwa ngomlomo ngosuku ngalunye, kuyilapho abanye benquma ukushintshanisa amajenali futhi bafunde okufakwe omunye nomunye ngezikhathi ezithile. Thola isigqi esingewona umthwalo
• Gqamisa izimanga: Uma ufunda lokho okubhalwe nguphathina wakho, uma kukhona okuthintayo, yisho. Bengingazi ukuthi lokho kusho lukhulu kuwe! Lezi zingxoxo ziqinisa ukusondelana. Nobabili nizizwa nibonwa futhi naziswa kakhulu. Yilokho wonke iphuzu lalezi zivivinyo zokusondelana emshadweni
• Ungashintshi kodwa uvumelane nezimo: Kulungile uma uphuthelwa usuku lapha noma laphaya. Umgomo uwukuhlakulela isimo sengqondo sokwazisa sisonke. Uma ukubhala kwansuku zonke kukuningi kakhulu, ungenza okunye okufana nembiza yokubonga, lapho ngamunye wenu ephonsa inothi noma nini lapho ezwa ukubonga ngokuthile, futhi niwafunde ndawonye ngezikhathi ezithile.

Umthelela walo mkhuba ungaba mkhulu. Zibone ngeso lengqondo ufika ekhaya futhi esikhundleni sokugxila entweni eyodwa owakhohlwa ukuyenza, ingqondo yakho manje isiqeqeshelwe ukuqaphela izinto ezinhlanu abazenzile, ozazisayo. Akusho ukungazinaki izinkinga, kusho nje ukulinganisa ama-negative nenqwaba yezinto ezinhle. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amaqiniso Ayi-11 Anzima Ngomshado Ongakhulunywa Ngawo

10. Umdlalo wemibuzo nezimpendulo

Njengoba sishilo ekuqaleni, izivivinyo zokwakha ukusondelana akumele zihlale zijulile. Zihlanganisa imidlalo eminingi ejabulisayo nemisebenzi, futhi. Eqinisweni, lapho zijabulisa kakhulu, uzolangazelela kakhulu ukuzenza ngokungaguquki. Omunye umsebenzi onjalo umdlalo wemibuzo nezimpendulo okusiza ukuthi uhlole ukuthi ulazi kangakanani izwe langaphakathi lomlingani wakho. 

Noma ngabe usunesikhathi eside ushadile, ungacabangi ukuthi wazi konke ngomuntu wakho. Kukhona njalo izendlalelo ezintsha ongazithola. Lolu hlelo lokusebenza lusebenzisa imibuzo ehlelekile ukuze kuvuse izingxoxo ezijulile. Ngokubuza futhi uphendule lezi zinhlobo zemibuzo, uzodalula izindaba nemicabango okungenzeka awukaze uyazi, futhi okubalulekile, uzokwenza umlingani wakho azizwe ezwiwa futhi eqondwa ngempela. 

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Thola uhlu lwemibuzo: Awudingi ukusungula imibuzo kusukela ekuqaleni, ngaphandle uma ufuna. Kunezinsiza eziningi: Imibuzo ka-Arthur Aron engama-36, noma a Uhlu lwemibuzo lwe-Love Maps oluvela ku-John Gottman. Ungathola futhi amakhadi okuqalisa ingxoxo ezitolo zamabhuku noma umane u-Google “imibuzo yabashadikazi” bese ukhetha izintandokazi zakho. Ziphrinte noma ube nazo kufoni yakho
• Setha isigcawu esithokomele: Kwenze kube “usuku”. Mhlawumbe ngobunye kusihlwa, uthele izingilazi ezimbili zewayini noma zetiye, uhlale kusofa, bese uthi, “Masidlale umdlalo wemibuzo.” Sondela kuyo ngokudlala, hhayi njengokuphenywa okwesabekayo. Ungase unqume ukubuza imibuzo emi-5 ngesikhathi ngasinye. Kubuza omunye, omunye abuze, bobabili baphendule, bese omunye abuze olandelayo
• Lalela ngempela futhi ubuze okulandelayo: Lapho umlingani wakho ephendula, mlalelisise ngokugcwele. Buza imibuzo yokulandelela emnene uma ufuna ukwazi. Lokhu kukhombisa ukuthi uyakhathalela futhi kugcina ingxoxo igeleza. Isibonelo, uma umbuzo ubuthi “Iliphi iphupho ongakaze wabelane ngalo nami?” futhi zembula eyodwa, ungase ubuze, "Yini ekukhangayo ngalelo phupho? Singaluhlanganisa kanjani ucezu lwalokho ekuphileni kwethu manje?" Iguqule ibe yingxoxo
• Thembeka futhi uvule: Eminye imibuzo ingathola ezomuntu siqu noma ithinte izinkumbulo zakudala, amathemba, noma ngisho nokuzisola. Vuma ukuthi lena indawo engenakwahlulela. Inhloso wukuqondana kangcono, hhayi ukugxeka izimpendulo. Yiba sengozini ezimpendulweni zakho, futhi
• Hlanganisa: Hlanganisa imibuzo ejulile neminye elula ukuze ugcine izinto zimi ngomumo. Kulungile ukuhleka futhi umangale. Ungase ufunde izintandokazi ezincane ezihlekisayo noma izindaba ezinamahloni ngomunye nomunye, futhi udale amahlaya amasha angaphakathi

Lo msebenzi umayelana nokutshala isikhathi ekwazini owakwakho ezingeni elijulile. Njengoba uDkt. John Gottman egcizelela, imibhangqwana eqinile inamabalazwe othando anemininingwane, okusho ukuthi bayabazi ubunkimbinkimbi bempilo yomunye nomunye, imilando, nemicabango yangaphakathi. Ukwakha lelo mephu kuyinqubo eqhubekayo, futhi ukubuza imibuzo ukuthi ukwenza kanjani. 

11. Isikhathi esingenaso ubuchwepheshe ndawonye

Impilo yanamuhla isho ukuthi sivame ukuba ndawonye ngokomzimba kodwa ngokwengqondo kwenye indawo, sibanjwe ocingweni, kuma-TV, noma kuma-laptop ethu. Lolu buchwepheshe bungalimaza ubudlelwano . Ukujulisa noma ukubuyisela ubudlelwano bomshado kungadinga ukukhumula ngamabomu nokugxila komunye nomunye. Ngisho nehora elilodwa lesikhathi esingenazo izikrini, esingenazo iziphazamiso lingenza izimangaliso zobudlelwano bomshado.

Ivumela ingxoxo ephilayo, ukugoqana okuzenzakalelayo, noma ukwenza umsebenzi ngokunaka okugcwele. Izithandani eziningi zithola ukuthi ukuqalisa umthetho othi “akukho divayisi” ngezikhathi ezithile kukhulisa kakhulu imizwa yokusondelana, ngoba awusaqhudelani nesikrini ukuze kunakwe omunye nomunye. 

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Khetha isikhathi: Khomba ukuthi kunini lapho nobabili ningahlala ningenayo idivayisi. Ukukhetha okudumile ngesikhathi sesidlo sakusihlwa kanye nobusuku bonke kuze kube sekuyolala. Noma mhlawumbe ihora lokuqala ngemva kokuba bobabili befike ekhaya bevela emsebenzini. Ngisho nesiqephu esincane, njengokungabi namafoni kusukela ngo-9pm kuya ku-10pm, kuyisiqalo esihle
• Hlela imithetho ndawonye: Vumelana ukuthi phakathi nalesi sikhathi, ngeke kube namafoni okuhlola, awekho i-TV, awekho amathebulethi, awekho ama-imeyili omsebenzi, ngaphandle uma kuphuthuma ngempela. Uma kufanele, faka amadivayisi kwelinye igumbi noma sebenzisa amamodi okuthi ungaphazamisi. Umbhangqwana othile engiwaziyo ubeka amafoni awo ekhabetheni ngesikhathi sesidlo sakusihlwa. Phela emehlweni phela emqondweni
• Thola okuthile ongakwenza: Ekuqaleni, kungase kuzwakale kungavamile, cishe sengathi ulahlekelwa isitho. Udinga ukuthola izindlela zokusebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuze uhlanganyele ngokuqaphela nangokucabangela. Leli yithuba elihle lokwenza elinye labanye abashadile. Yisebenzise kahle. Noma khuluma nje. Uma ukhathele futhi ufuna nje ukuphumula, nisengakwazi ukuphumula ndawonye. Mhlawumbe lalani nikhuhlane umhlane, noma nithi ukugoqana
• Ungaguquguquki: Kungase kube inselele ekuqaleni uma ujwayele ukuskrola ebusuku, kodwa ukungaguquguquki kuzokwenza lokhu kube umkhuba othandwayo. Uzoqala ukulangazelela leso sikhathi esinokwethenjelwa lapho wazi ukuthi ninokunakana okuphelele komunye nomunye

Ngokususa iziphazamiso zedijithali, udala isikhala sokusebenzisana okunenjongo kakhudlwana. Ungase uqaphele ukuthi ukhuluma ngezinto obungazijwayele, noma ukuthi nihleka ndawonye kakhulu. Omunye umsebenzisi we-Reddit uchaze indlela abasungula ngayo umthetho othi “amafoni awasebenzi ngemva kuka-8 ebusuku” ebusuku futhi baqala ukudla ama-cocktails egcekeni labo futhi baxoxa nje. Bathi lokhu kubakhumbuza ngesikhathi besathandana, bejabulela nje ukuba nomunye nomunye ngaphandle kokuphazanyiswa okuqhubekayo okudonsela ukunaka kude.

12. Yenzani okusha ndawonye

I-novelty iyisinongo esivame ukukhahlela ukukhanga nokusondelana. Cabanga ngesikhathi uqala ukuthandana. Konke kwakubonakala kukujabulisa ngoba konke bekukusha. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, izinqubo ziyathatha, futhi siyeka ukuhlola ndawonye. Imisebenzi yokubambisana yabashadikazi ingasiza ekuqedeni lokho kungezwani futhi ifake i-adventure kanye nentsha emshadweni wakho.

Okuhlangenwe nakho okusha akudingekile ukuba kube kukhulu noma kuguqule impilo. Ngisho nokuhlangenwe nakho okuncane okusha kungakha izikhathi zokubopha nezinkumbulo ezijabulisayo. Futhi, ikunikeza izihloko ezintsha ongakhuluma ngazo kanye nomuzwa wokuthi "senze le nto enhle njengeqembu."

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Ukuqagela imibono: Hlala phansi wenze uhlu lwamabhakede okuzijabulisa nje. Nobabili niphonsa imibono yezinto eningakaze nizenze njengombhangqwana, kodwa thola okuthakazelisayo. Enkulu noma encane. Kungaba “ukuthatha ikilasi lokudansa,” “ukuqwala umkhondo esihlala sikhuluma ngawo,” “zama ukwenza i-sushi ekhaya,” “ukuvakashela leyomnyuziyamu eyinqaba edolobheni,” “ikamu ngemuva kwendlu,” nokunye. Khomba izinto ezijabulisayo noma ezikuhlekisayo
• Khetha eyodwa bese uyihlela: Khetha umsebenzi owodwa omusha ohlwini lwakho ongenzeka esikhathini esizayo esiseduze futhi uwuhlele kahle. Uma iya ndawana thize noma ithatha ikilasi, thola amathikithi noma ihlele. Uma isekhaya, yibekele eceleni ubusuku bosuku. Ukuhlela nokulindela empeleni kwengeza ukusondelana
• Phakathi nomsebenzi, yiba khona: Uma usuku lufika, gxilisa ulwazi lwakho. Kuphathe njengokuzijabulisa. Ngisho noma kuzwakala kuxakile noma izinto zingahambi kahle, gingqa kanyekanye. Ngezinye izikhathi izinhlekelele (irayisi le-sushi elishisiwe, noma ubani?) ziba amahlaya angaphakathi nezinkumbulo ezifudumele
• Kwenze umkhuba: Zibekele ukwenza okuthile okusha ngezikhathi ezithile, mhlawumbe kanye ngenyanga, noma okungenani izikhathi ezimbalwa ngonyaka. Ukuqhubeka nokufaka ubudlelwano bakho ngezinto ezintsha kugcina bungazizwa bumile. Ngisho nokuzama indawo yokudlela entsha noma ukupheka ukudla okusha kubalwa uma uhlose ngakho

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinkinga Eziyisishiyagalombili Ezivame Kakhulu Zomshado Ezibhekene Nemibhangqwana

13. Yenza ubusuku bezinsuku bungabi khona ukuxoxisana

Ukuzivocavoca kokusondelana emshadweni akusikho ukucabanga okungaphezu kwebhokisi noma ukushintsha imikhuba yakho. Ngezinye izikhathi, kungaba lula njengokubuyela ezisekelweni njengokuthandana nomlingani wakho . Kungase kuzwakale kuyinto evamile, kodwa kuyasiza ngempela. Ngakho-ke, buyisani ubusuku bokuqomisana obujwayelekile, niye emadethini angempela lapho nobabili nenze khona umzamo omncane, njengoba nenza ekuqaleni, futhi nikwenze kungabi yinto engaxoxiswana ngayo. Ngokuthola isikhathi esikhethekile sokuya odethini, kungaba sedolobheni noma edethini enihloselwe ekhaya, nivuselela uthando futhi nikhumbuzane ukuthi ubuhlobo benu bufanelwe ukugujwa nokunakwa. Kuninika ithuba lokugqoka kahle, ukudlala ngothando, nokwenza izinkumbulo ezintsha, nigcine inhlansi iphila.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Kubeke ekhalendeni: Phatha ubusuku bosuku njengobungcwele. Nquma imvamisa evumelana neqiniso kuwe. Kungaba kanye ngesonto, kanye njalo ngemva kwamasonto amabili, noma okungenani, kanye ngenyanga. Yimake ekhalendeni futhi uyihloniphe. Hlela ukunakekelwa kwezingane kusenesikhathi uma kudingeka. Ukuvumelana kuyisihluthulelo; uma ungakushejuli, kulula kakhulu ukuthi ezinye izinto zigcwalise isikhathi.
• Hlela okuthile enizokujabulela nobabili: Amadethi akudingeki abize noma achaze kabanzi. Iphuzu yisikhathi esigxilwe ndawonye. Ungaphuma uye endaweni yokudlela oyintandokazi, ubone imuvi, uhambe nge-bowling, noma uthathe uhambo lokushona kwelanga epaki. Noma yiba nedethi yokuba sekhaya: phekani iresiphi entsha ndawonye futhi nidle ngokukhanya kwekhandlela, yibani nepikiniki egumbini lokuphumula, noma misani “itiyetha yasekhaya” enamaphophu nefilimu obuhlose ukuyibuka.
• Nciphisa iziphazamiso: Yenza ubusuku bosuku ngawe njengombhangqwana. Lokho kusho ukuthi ungakhulumi ngezinto zasendlini, izibopho, izibopho, noma izingane. Ngokuqinisekile ayikho i-imeyili yomsebenzi wokuhlola. Yenza sengathi niyaqomisana futhi. Lesi yisikhathi sokugxila ekuxhumaneni okujabulisayo, okulula kanye nezingxoxo zothando noma ezijulile
• Gqoka ingxenye: I-Hack eyodwa ejabulisayo yezinsuku zasekhaya: gqoka sengathi uyaphuma. Ishintsha i-vibe. Cabanga ngomngane wakho womshado ephuma eya endlini yokuphumula egqoke leyo ngubo enhle ongavamile ukuyibona ngoba “kusebusuku.” Ithumela umyalezo wokuthi niyabakhathalela ukuze nijabulisane. Khanyisa amakhandlela noma udlale umculo. Setha indawo
• Yenza into enoveli noma i-nostalgic: Njalo ngezikhathi ezithile, hlelani idethi edala kabusha izinsuku zenu zakuqala noma into engathandeki njengokuvakashela isayithi lesidlo senu sokuqala sakusihlwa ndawonye, ​​noma nibuke kabusha i-movie yokuqala eniyibonile njengombhangqwana. I-Nostalgia ingaba isibopho esijulile. Futhi cabanga ngokuzama imisebenzi yedethi emisha
• Dlula ngothando futhi ujabule: Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuze udlale ngothando ngokweqiniso. Ncoma umlingani wakho, bamba izandla, untshontshe ukuqabula. Hleka kakhulu. Uma uphumile, mhlawumbe ubazungeze noma udanse uma kunomculo. Inhloso ukudala ibhamuza lababili, okunikhumbuza ukuthi ngaphansi kwazo zonke izindima zempilo, niphinde niyizithandwa nabangane.

Ubusuku bezinsuku ezivamile bubonisiwe ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana nothando emishadweni. Ikunikeza nobabili okuthile eningakulangazelela futhi kwephule i-monotony yezinqubo. Olunye ucwaningo olwenziwa umbiko we-Date Night Opportunity olwenziwa yiNational Marriage Project luthole ukuthi imibhangqwana eyenza imisebenzi yezinsuku emisha nehlukahlukene masonto onke yayinamathuba amancane kakhulu okubika isithukuthezi futhi maningi amathuba okuba nekhwalithi ephezulu yomshado. 

14. Ukuqabula imizuzu emi-3

Lapho imibhangqwana iqala ukuhlangana, izikhathi ezinde zokwenziwa zivamile. Kodwa eminyakeni eminingi emshadweni, ukuqabulana kuvame ukuba yinto nje evamile. I-peck esheshayo sala kahle noma sawubona. Lokhu kungenye yezivivinyo zokwakha ukusondelana ezibuyisa enye yalolo thando ngokuqabula ngaphandle kokuholela kunoma yini enye. Kuyasiza ukususa umbono wakho ekuboneni umlingani wakho njengomuntu ohlala naye nje noma umzali okanye naye emuva ekuboneni njengomuntu onothando nowocansi omthandayo. Futhi, ukuqabula kukhipha inhlanganisela yamahomoni okuzizwa kahle futhi kungakwenza uzizwe udidekile futhi uvaleleke.

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Khetha isikhathi nesilungiselelo: Lokhu kungaba yingxenye yobusuku bedethi, noma ngokungananazi, nganoma yisiphi isikhathi lapho ufuna ukujova inhlansi ethile. Mhlawumbe lapho nobabili niphinda nihlangana ngemva komsebenzi, noma njengendlela yokuthi “Bengikukhumbule.” Ngokufanelekile, thola isikhathi lapho ungajahile
• Qala kancane: Yimani noma nihlale nibhekane, mhlawumbe nigonane noma nibambene ubuso ngezandla. Qala ngokuqabula okuthambile, okunensayo. Umqondo awukona ukugijima kunoma yini; kuwukunambitha. Khumbula lezo zikhathi zokuzithokozisa njengentsha ngenkathi usukwenzile lokho kuphela? Isiteshi esincane salawo mandla
• Gxila ekuqabuleni: Kule mizuzu embalwa, beka ukunaka kwakho okugcwele emuzweni. Qaphela ukuthi kunjani ukuqabula nokuqatshulwa oshade naye. Mhlawumbe thatha ikhefu elincane ukuze umomotheka noma nibukane, bese nibuyela phakathi. Makube mnandi futhi kube mnandi
• Akukho ukucindezelwa okwengeziwe: Vuma ukuthi lokhu kumayelana nokuqabulana nje. Ukususa "okulindelekile ocansini" etafuleni kungakwenza kuphumule kakhudlwana futhi kujabulise, futhi ngokuvamile kusondelene kakhulu ngokomzwelo. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi ngokwenza “ukuqabula nje,” ungase uthole ukuthi ngokuzenzakalelayo kuholela esifisweni esengeziwe ngokwakho kamuva.
• Ungaguquguquki: Zama ukuqabula nsuku zonke imizuzwana engu-6 ukuze unakekele bese upelepele kulezo zikhathi zokuqabulana ezinde zemizuzu engu-2-3, mhlawumbe izikhathi ezimbalwa ngeviki.

15. Ukusondelana okuhleliwe 

Ukuhlela ucansi noma isikhathi sokusondelana kungase kuzwakale kungathandeki ekuqaleni. Akufanele yini kube yinto ezenzakalelayo? Kodwa sizwe. Imibhangqwana eminingi ematasa ithola ukuthi ngaphandle kokuthi ihlele ngamabomu ukusondelana, kuyaqhubeka nokuxoshwa... futhi kungazelelwe sekudlule isikhathi eside futhi nobabili nizizwa ningaxhumene futhi mhlawumbe nicasukile kancane. Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokufaka ipeni eqoqweni elikhangayo.

Eqinisweni, ukuyilindela kungase kwengeze injabulo, futhi ukwazi ukuthi iyeza kunganisiza nobabili ningene endaweni efanele yekhanda. Kucabange njengokunikeza impilo yakho yocansi kuqala okufanele. 

Indlela yokwenza ngayo

• Iba nenkulumo eqotho: Okokuqala, xoxa nomngane wakho womshado ngombono wokuhlela isikhathi sokusondelana nokuthi kungani ucabanga ukuthi kungasiza. Qinisekisa ukuthi usekhasini elifanayo ukuthi lokhu kumayelana nokubeka phambili ukusondelana, hhayi ukushintsha ucansi lube umsebenzi
• Khetha "idethi" yakho: Khetha isikhathi esisebenza ngokujwayelekile kukho kokubili. Mhlawumbe ngoLwesihlanu noma ngoMgqibelo ebusuku, lapho ingcindezi iphansi, noma ngeSonto ekuseni. Yimake ekhalendeni noma wenzele igama elihle lekhodi. Nquma imvamisa, mhlawumbe kanye ngesonto noma kanye emavikini amabili, ukuze uqale ngakho. Ungahlala ulungisa, kodwa ukuba nesikhala esiphindayo kuyasiza
• Setha isiteji isikhathi ngasinye: Kuphathe njengobusuku bosuku ekamelweni lokulala. Ngosuku, yakha ukulangazela okuthile. Mhlawumbe thumela umbhalo obonisa uthando, noma wenze isiqiniseko sokuthi wenza noma yikuphi ukuzilungisa okukwenza uzizwe uqiniseka. Uma isikhathi sifika, yenza imvelo imeme: ukukhanya okuphansi, mhlawumbe umculo, nomnyango ukhiyiwe. Lokhu kusiza ukuphuma "kumodi yansuku zonke" ukuya kumodi eseduze
• Ayikho ingcindezi, ukuba khona nje: Umgomo uwukuba ukusondelana, kodwa ukusondelana kungase kuthathe izinhlobo ezahlukene kuye ngokuthi nobabili nizizwa kanjani ngalolo suku. Mhlawumbe isonto elilodwa liholela ocansini oluvuthayo, elinye isonto luvutha kancane futhi luvusa inkanuko, elinye lujabulisana. Yenza okukusebenzelayo
• Hlala uvumelana nezimo futhi unomusa: Ukuphila ngezinye izikhathi kuphonsa ama-curveballs-ingane iyagula, omunye wenu uphethwe yikhanda, noma kunesikhathi esinqunyiwe esiseduze. Uma iseshini eshejuliwe kufanele ihlehliswe, ihlele kabusha maduze, njengoba ubungenza emhlanganweni obalulekile obungafuni ukuwugeja. Uma oyedwa noma nobabili ningekho esimweni lapho isikhathi sesifikile, ningaphoqi lutho. Esikhundleni salokho, mhlawumbe sebenzisa isikhathi ukwenza esinye sezivivinyo zokusondelana njengokubhucungwa noma ukugona okunwetshiwe ukuze uxhumeke ngaphandle kwengcindezi.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa 

Imicabango Final

Ngokuhlanganisa ngisho nokumbalwa kwalokhu kuvivinya ukusondelana emshadweni esimisweni sakho, uthatha izinyathelo ezisheshayo eziya ebuhlotsheni obuseduze, nokwanelisa kakhudlwana. Ukusondelana kwakhiwe ezikhathini ezincane nemikhuba esiyihlakulelayo. Ukwangana kwansuku zonke, inkulumo ejulile yamasonto onke, inothi lothando lokumangala lezikhathi ezithile, umzamo wokuqhubeka ufunda ngomunye nomunye, nokuzinikela ekugcineni inhlansi iphila. 

Okokugcina, khumbula ukuthi awukho umshado osondelene 100% wesikhathi. Kuyoba khona ukukhuphuka nokwehla, futhi lokho kulungile. Umgomo wukuthi nobabili nazi ukuthi ningathola kanjani indlela yokubuyelana lapho ukuphila kunihlukanisa. Cabanga ngalezi zivivinyo zokwelapha ukusondelana njengamathuluzi ebhokisini lakho lamathuluzi lobudlelwano. Uzizwa ukude? Khipha ukubuka komphefumulo noma umdlalo wokubonga. Uzizwa ucindezelekile? Yenza ukuphefumula kwesiphongo noma ukulalela okungaphazamiseki. Uzizwa njengabantu ohlala nabo? Hlukana nesimiso nge-adventure entsha noma iseshini yokuzenzela eshisayo. Ninamandla, ndawonye, ​​okuvuselela njalo nokuqinisa isibopho senu.

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