"Ukulindela kuyimpande yazo zonke izinhliziyo ezibuhlungu" - uWilliam Shakespeare
Asinaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ngabe i-wizened bard endala iwashilo ngempela la mazwi (yize i-intanethi ibeka kuye!) kodwa awukwazi ukuphika i-truism kuyo. Okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni kungaba yi-spoilsports impela.
Yebo, siyayazi into oyicabangayo - lezi zinto kulula ukuzisho kunokukwenza. Ungalindela kanjani lutho ngenkathi uthandana nothando lwempilo yakho? Ungaphila kanjani ngaphandle kokulindela? Yini engalungile ngokulindela ukuthi isithandwa sakho sikwenzele izinto ezithile? Uqinisile, siyakuzwa! Ubani owathi kwaba lula?
Kodwa nakuba kungaba ubuwula ukucabanga ukuthi sonke singaba abangcwele nezindela abenza yonke into ngaphandle kwethemba lokuthola imbuyiselo, ongakwenza ukufunda ubuciko obuhle bokulawula lokho okulindele. Uma usulawule leyo mizwa enhlanhlathayo, engaqondiswa izigwegwe, ungaqinisekisa ukuthi uma (unkulunkulu ekwenqabela) ubuhle bakho bukulimaza, kuhle… bubuhlungu kancane! Futhi, ungase uhlehle uqine kunangaphambili.
Kungani Silindele Ebudlelwaneni?
Okuqukethwe
Ukuba nezinto ezilindelwe ebudlelwaneni kungokwemvelo. Ungavumeli muntu akutshele ngenye indlela. Akudingekile ukuba ube namahloni noma ukuzivikela ngazo. Sonke sikhuliswe ngamagugu athile kanye nokubhekwa. Njengoba sikhula, lezi ziba yingxenye ebalulekile yomuntu wethu. Okuningi nakho kuvela ku-conditioning.
Siyathanda noma singathandi, kodwa silindele okukhulu kumlingani wethu wempilo kunokuba sikwenze kuye, kusho umakhelwane noma ingane yakini noma umphathi. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi siphakelwe imibono yothando yothando, umshado, kanye 'nenjabulo kuze kube phakade', okungekona ngempela lokho ukuphila okumayelana. Ingabe lokho kusho ukuthi kuyize ukuba nezinto ezilindelwe ebudlelwaneni?
Ngokuqinisekile akunjalo! Eqinisweni, ucwaningo luthi ukuba nokulindela okuhle ebudlelwaneni kungaholela ekusebenzeni kahle kokuxhumana nabantu. Ngokusho kocwaningo olwenziwe e-University of Maryland, izisusa nokuhlolwa kobudlelwano bekukuhle phakathi kwemibhangqwana enamathemba aphezulu, lapho bebonisa ukuthethelelana okwengeziwe kanye nokudelelana okuncane.
Ithiyori ihlobene namazinga kanye nokulindelwe ebuhlotsheni.
Uma ulindele ukwethembeka, ukwethembeka, ukusondelana, ukwethembana njll. Kusho ukuthi ubeka izindinganiso eziphakeme futhi uzokufuna ngenkuthalo. Kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi uzuze lezi zimfanelo kunokwehlisa izindinganiso zakho kanye nalokho okulindele ebudlelwaneni. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ngesizathu esithile ungakutholi okulindele, ukudumazeka kungokwemvelo.
Kepha-ke, lokhu kubeka isiteji sokuthi ufune noma wenze isimo sikusebenzele ngokuba nengxoxo nowakwakho noma ngokuthatha izinyathelo zokuthola izinhloso zakho. Kafushane nje, ungalawula lokho okulindele ebudlelwaneni kuphela uma wazi ukuthi kuyahlangatshezwana nakho noma cha. Noma iyiphi indlela, kungcono UKUBA nezinto ezilindelwe futhi wenze ngokuvumelana nazo kunokuba UNGABE nakho futhi uphile impilo engathandeki.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ubudlelwano Bokucindezela Ukudonsa - Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokukunqoba
Ukuphatha Kanjani Okulindelekile Ebudlelwaneni?
Kunempilo ukuba nokulindela okungokoqobo nokungokwemvelo. Kodwa ngeke ulindele ukuthi abanye bashintshe kuwe noma baziphathe ngendlela ofisa ngayo. Ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo kuphakama lapho okulindele ngokungafezeki ngokuphindaphindiwe, ngoba ubuchopho bethu buxhunywe ngendlela yokunikeza incazelo eyengeziwe kukho konke okwenzeka eduze kwethu.
Uhlanganisa okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwesikhathi esidlule nomuntu, wengeze izici ezengeziwe esimweni esivele sintekenteke futhi kugcina senezela ekudumaleni kwakho. Isibonelo, uma ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho kufanele ahlale ehambela imicimbi kanye namaphathi nawe futhi ehluleka ukwenza kanjalo, ungase uzizwe udangele. Uma lokhu kwenzeka njalo, ungase umaka obunye ubuthakathaka babo kulokhu kuthambekela, ukhulise izici zabo ezimbi. Konke kuholela enhlekeleleni yobudlelwano.
Ukuze ugweme okulindelwe okungakagcwaliseki ekubeni imbangela yobudlelwano obungajabulisi , nansi indlela ongazisingatha ngayo ngendlela efanele:
1. Yazi ukuthi kuyini okulindelwe okubi
Ukuze ugweme ubuhlungu, okokuqala kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi yini okulindeleke ebudlelwaneni obungenampilo. Ngokwazi noma ngokungazi, lapho sibeka okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni, ngezinye izikhathi sibeka ibha phezulu kakhulu, okuyinto ke isinda kakhulu ezingqondweni zethu ngisho nangaphambi kokuba siqale ngokufanele ukuphola.
Uma ufuna umuntu wakho ashise kuno-Zac Efron, acebe kakhulu, futhi achithe sonke isikhathi sokuvuka nawe, uxolo, uzibekela indumalo. Ugxile ekuqinisekiseni okunembayo kuhlu lokuhlola kunamanani ewonke. Lindela umlingani wakho ukuthi azilungise kahle, ameseke, futhi abe nomusa esikhundleni sokukhomba ubude bakhe obuqondile noma ibhalansi yasebhange.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ungumbhangqwana Onobuthi? Thatha Lokhu Kuhlolwa Ukuze Uthole
2. Yazi ukuthi ufunani empilweni
Umthetho 1 wempilo yothando ephumelelayo: Awukwazi ukuba nakho konke ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngamanye amazwi, yiba nokulindela okungokoqobo ebudlelwaneni . Lokho kusho ukwazi ukuthi ufunani ebudlelwaneni obungathi sína. Ungesabi ukusho okulindelwe ngumlingani wakho wempilo noma umlingani wakho wamanje othandana naye.
Futhi uma udidekile, zama futhi ubhale lokho ongakufuni nakanjani. Ngokuvamile, lapho uhlangana futhi uphola nabantu abaningi, uzokwazi ngokwakho lokho inhliziyo yakho efisa ngempela ebuhlotsheni obungathi sina. Lokhu kungaba umfutho wokukusiza ukuthi usebenzele ukufeza izinhloso zakho futhi ungaqinisekisa ukuthi ngeke ugcine usushada nomuntu ongalungile ohlulekayo ukufeza noma yikuphi okulindele.
3. Yamukela ukudumazeka ngezikhathi ezithile
Udinga ukukhumbula ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi okulindelekile kungase kungafinyelelwa. Yimpilo futhi lezi zinto ziyenzeka. Isoka lakho noma intombi yakho ingase ikhohlwe isenzakalo esibalulekile, ingase isho into edelelayo phakathi nempi, ukusabela kwayo kungase kushaqise ezimeni ezithile.
Zibuze ukuthi uzimisele kangakanani ukuthethelela iziphambeko.
Uma unokulindela okuqinile, uzokuthola kunzima ukuthethelela ngisho namaphutha amancane omlingani wakho. Ngokuphambene nalokho, uma unokulinganisela phakathi kwezinto ozilindele kanye nokugcwaliseka kwazo, uzokwazi ukulawula imizwa yakho kangcono.
4. Okulindelekile ngokumelene nesidingo kanye nokufunwa
UKim Eng, isikhulumi esikhuthazayo kanye nozakwethu wombhali u-Ekhart Tolle, unombono othakazelisayo mayelana nokulindelwe uzakwethu.
“Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuba nezinto ozilindeleyo ebudlelwaneni, kodwa ungabeki incazelo enkulu kubo,” usho kanje. Okudingekayo kunalokho ukubuka ngaphakathi futhi ubone ukuthi lezi ziphilile yini noma ziphuma engxenyeni equlekile 'yomzimba wobuhlungu'.
Isibonelo, ake sithi wena nomlingani wakho aniboni ngaso linye ngesikhathi enisichitha ndawonye. Okokuqala, bhekani ngobuqotho inani lamahora eninawo nomunye nomunye. Ngisho nangalawo mahora, nizizwa ninelisekile futhi nanelisekile noma kukhona yini ukulangazelela? Uma behlala kude nani kakhulu kunalokho okufanele futhi usabambelele kubo , khona-ke kusobala ukuthi wesaba ukuba wedwa futhi ubuhlobo abuhambi kahle.
5. Yiba nemigomo kanye nempilo yakho
Qagela lapho okulindelwe konakalisa ubudlelwano? Kulapho uphrojusa okuningi, uma kungezona zonke, ezifisweni zakho nezinto ozifunayo kumlingani wakho. Kulolu hlelo, ungahlosile ubeka ibha phezulu ngokungenangqondo mhlawumbe ngoba ufuna ukugcwaliseka kwalokho okulindele kuwe ngomlingani wakho.
Kungani amanye amadoda endabuko efuna abafazi abangabakhaya abaphelele?
Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi badonsa kanzima ekuphatheni umsebenzi wasekhaya. Funa ubudlelwano obuzokuphelelisa hhayi ukukuqedela. Uma unemigomo yokuphila, umsebenzi ophumelelayo futhi uzithanda wena, uzofuna indoda noma owesifazane othuthukisa lezo zimfanelo futhi angazifezi.
6. Thembeka futhi uxhumane kangcono
Ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile, okuqotho kuyisihluthulelo sobudlelwano obunempilo. Akudingi ngqondongqondo ukukuqonda lokho. Kodwa endabeni yokubeka okulindelweyo ebudlelwaneni, ukubaluleka kwengxoxo eqotho kukhula ngokuningi. Sicela ungalindeli ukuthi umlingani wakho azi ukuthi yini oyifunayo.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyathandana noma uhlela umshado , kungcono ukusho ngokuzwakalayo nangokucacile lokho okulindele. Kusukela ezintweni ezilula kuya ekugezeni izitsha nokubuka i-TV kuya ezinqumweni ezishintsha impilo eziphathelene nezingane, ezezimali nokuningi, cacisa umbono wakho.
Ukungqubuzana kuba khona lapho wena nophathina wakho ningakwazi ukufinyelela endaweni emaphakathi ezindabeni eningavumelani ngazo.
7. Funda ukwazisa hhayi ukugxeka
Lapho ugxila kakhulu kulokho okulindele, kuvame ukukuphuca injabulo ongayithola ezinjabulweni ezilula zokuphila. Ngakho, akukhona ukuthi okulindelekile konakalisa ubudlelwano. Ukuwabeka ematsheni kwenza. Uma umthanda ngokweqiniso umlingani wakho, ungamehluleli ngokuthi ukwenzele izinto ngendlela ofisa ngayo noma cha.
Kunalokho, gxila ezinhlelweni ezinhle zobudlelwano bakho. Ake sithi owakwakho uchitha isikhathi esiningi ekhonsoli yakhe yokudlala kanye nesikhathi esincane nezingane. Futhi lokho kuyakucasula. Kunokuba ukwenze indaba, naka ukuthi unjani lapho uchitha isikhathi nabo.
Mhlawumbe emahoreni ambalwa awachitha nabo, uwenza afaneleke umzuzu nomzuzu. Bheka izinto ongazincoma futhi ungazigxeki. Akusho ukuthi ushaya indiva imigqa yamaphutha. Ukuthi nje unikeza isisindo esilinganayo kokuhle nokubi.
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8. Ungaqhathanisi ubuhlobo bakho nabanye
Ukuqhathanisa kuhambisana nokulindelwe kobudlelwane okungenangqondo. Uma ubona izimfanelo noma amakhono obufisa kumlingani wakho komunye umuntu, kunezela ekushiseni kwenhliziyo. Lokhu kwenzeka ngoba ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho agcwalise zonke izikhala, zonke izidingo, konke okufunayo, nayo yonke indawo.
Izithandani ezihlangene zibukeka zizinhle kumamuvi nasezincwadini. Eqinisweni, ngisho nalabo abahlanganyela ubudlelwano obuseduze kufanele benze ukuyekethisa okuthile noma okunye. Indlela yokudlula lokhu iwukuba ngumnikazi kanye nokubona lokho okulindele. Okubaluleke nakakhulu, qaphela ukuthi akuyona imithetho okufanele umlingani wakho aphile ngayo naye. Futhi, zibuze - ingabe uphila ngokuvumelana nalokho abakulindele ebudlelwaneni?
Iqiniso liyatshelwa, akukho okulungile noma okungalungile kokulindelwe, inqobo nje uma ubhekana namaqiniso ngakho futhi wazi ukuthi ungakuphatha kanjani. Kodwa futhi, igama elithi 'realistic' libuye libe yi-subjective. Okuyiqiniso nokunengqondo komunye, kungase kungabi njalo komunye.
Ekugcineni, okusebenzayo yikhemistri yakho nesibopho. Uma isisekelo sobudlelwano bakho siqinile, khona-ke izinga okulindele akwenzi mehluko ngempela.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ngokuphambene nalokho, okulindelweyo kuhle futhi kunempilo ebudlelwaneni ngoba kukunikeza isethi yezindinganiso okufanele uphile ngazo. Uma unokulindela, uyazama futhi ukukufeza, ukubeka imigomo yobudlelwano enqubeni. Okunempilo, okulindelwe okungokoqobo kwengeza ukubaluleka ebudlelwaneni.
Okulindelwe akulonakalisi ubudlelwano, ukuphathwa kabi kwemizwa yakho kanye nemiphumela yokungagcwaliseki yikho okulonakalisile. Futhi, lapho okulindelwe ngabalingani bobabili kuhluke ngokuphelele, okuvela emibonweni ehlukene ezindabeni ezifanayo, kuholela ekungqubuzaneni nasekuxabaneni. Futhi, ukungagcwaliseki okuphindaphindiwe kokulindelwe kungaholela ekudumazekeni futhi lapho ukudumala kuhlangana, kuholela ekuqhekekeni kobudlelwano.
Ubudlelwano obungalindelwe akumele bubekhona. Kusho ukuthi awunamizwa ngomlingani wakho noma ukuthi awazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo empilweni yakho nasebudlelwaneni bakho. Uma wazi ukuthi ufuna, izifiso nezinhloso zakho, okulindelwe kuzolukwa kuzo.
Zibuze ngomthombo walokho okulindele. Ingabe banempilo noma baphuma engxenyeni equlekile 'yomzimba wobuhlungu'? Ukubhekana nokulindelwe okungafinyelelwanga kudinga ukuthi ubheke ngaphakathi futhi ubone ukuthi yiziphi izingxenye zakhona ezazinengqondo nezingafanelekile. Ingabe ikuthinte kanjani noma indlela ozibona ngayo?
Awudingi ukulahla okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni. Udinga kuphela ukuwaphatha kahle. Futhi lokhu kusho ukuba nekhono lokubheka ukuthi yini enengqondo futhi yini engekho, ukufunda ukwazisa umlingani wakho futhi ulinganise phakathi kwezimfanelo ezinhle nezimbi, nokwazi kahle ukuthi yini oyifunayo ebuhlotsheni.
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
