Soyayya Vs A Soyayya — Menene Bambancin?

Da take kallon abokiyar zamanta cikin jin daɗi, Jenna ta shaida musu wata rana, “Kuna sa ni ji a duniya kuma ina godiya sosai da samun ku a rayuwata. Ina farin ciki sosai kuma ina ƙaunar ku.” To, wace irin soyayya muke gani a nan? Shin zurfin soyayyar da muke sha'awa ne ko kuma soyayyar da muke so amma wani lokacin ba za ta iya dorewa ba? Menene soyayya vs. a soyayya?

To, mun rufe ku a wannan gaba. Tare da fahimta daga masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam mai ba da shawara da ƙwararren mai horar da ƙwarewar rayuwa Deepak Kaship (Masters in Psychology of Education), waɗanda suka ƙware a fannonin kiwon lafiya da yawa, gami da LGBTQ da shawarwari masu kyau, muna yanke bambanci tsakanin kasancewa cikin ƙauna da ƙaunar mutum kawai.

Menene Soyayya? Ilimin Halitta A Bayansa

Yaya zama cikin soyayya yake ji? Tambayi mawaƙi za su rubuta maka waƙa game da wannan. Tambayi masanin ilmin lissafi kuma tabbas za su fito da ma'auni mai rikitarwa don bayyana ji. Amma menene ilimin halin dan Adam da ke bayan soyayya kuma ta yaya kuke sanin lokacin da kuke son wani da gaske?

Deepak Ya ce, “Yana da wuya a bayyana yadda soyayya tsakanin mutane biyu take, a matsayina na masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam, abin da zan iya cewa shi ne, soyayya ta hakika ba ji ko daya ba ce, sai dai tarin ji, wanda a cikinsa akwai zurfin fahimtar wanda kake so, da kuma tsammanin wanda kake so ya kasance tare da su.

Lokacin da kake son wani, ba duka ba ne na motsin rai; Hakanan ma'aunin sinadarai a jikinka yana shafar. Dauki, alal misali, matsayin oxytocin a cikin soyayya. Oxytocin ne neurotransmitter da kuma hormone da aka samar a cikin hypothalamus. A cikin 2012, masu bincike sun ba da rahoton cewa mutane a farkon matakan haɗin gwiwar soyayya suna da matakan oxytocin mafi girma, idan aka kwatanta da waɗanda ba a haɗa su ba, suna nuna cewa kasancewa mai zurfi cikin soyayya yana taimaka wa dangantaka da sauran mutane.

Dokta Daniel G. Amin, ƙwararren likitan hauka biyu a cikin littafinsa, Kwakwalwa A Soyayya: Darussa 12 Don Inganta Rayuwar Soyayya, ya ce soyayya ta dadewa wani abin motsa rai ne wanda wani bangare ne na tsarin ladan kwakwalwa.

Za a iya taƙaita ilimin halin ɗan adam da ke bayan soyayya kamar:

• Soyayya aiki ce, tafi fi’ili fiye da suna
• Ƙauna amsa ce mai ƙarfi ta jiki wanda mutum zai iya ji ta hanyoyi daban-daban
• Yana sa mu faɗakarwa, farin ciki, da son haɗin gwiwa

Yanzu da muka san abin da ilimin halin dan Adam bayan soyayya shi ne, mu yi la’akari da bambance-bambancen da ke tsakanin son wani da son wani.

Soyayya Vs. A Soyayya - 8 Babban Bambance-bambance

Me ake nufi da soyayya? Menene banbancin soyayya da soyayya ta fuskar halinmu? Deepak ya ce, "Akwai babban bambanci guda ɗaya. Kasancewa cikin soyayya ta hanyar soyayya yana nufin zama ɗan rashin hankali da kuma kai ga alkawuran alkawari. Idan ka ce kana son wani, yana nufin kana so ka ci gaba da kasancewa da wannan mutumin ko ta yaya."

Ƙauna vs. cikin ruɗewar soyayya ta taso zuwa ga bambanci a cikin tsananin ji. Duk da yake muna yawan amfani da waɗannan sharuɗɗan guda biyu, akwai bambanci sosai tsakanin son wani da kasancewa cikin soyayya da su. Amma ku tuna, ƙauna tana tasowa kuma tana canzawa daga wani lokaci zuwa wancan. Bari mu bincika waɗannan bambance-bambance a cikin zurfi don ƙarin haske game da yadda muke ji da rayuwar soyayya:

Shafin da Ya Kwance: Soyayya Vs Attachment: Shin Soyayya ce ta Gaskiya? Fahimtar Bambancin

1. Soyayya na iya samun tsaiko, zama cikin soyayya abin sha'awa ne

Yayin tattaunawa game da soyayya da soyayya, bari mu kalli lamarin Jenna. Jenna ta sadu da abokin zamanta kusan watanni shida da suka gabata kuma sun kashe shi nan take. Sun ji kuzari, annashuwa, da jin daɗin kasancewa tare da juna kuma ƙarfinsu yana da sha'awa mai yawa. Sun yi ƙoƙari sosai don kulawa da kasancewa kusa da juna. Idan kana mamakin yadda za a bayyana zama cikin soyayya, Jenna ta ji yawanci abin da ake nufi. Amma ga yadda yanayin waɗannan ji zai iya yi kama a nan gaba:

• Sha'awar yana ƙara ƙarfi: Wannan sha'awar na iya aiki azaman mai haɓaka haɗin gwiwa na dogon lokaci ko a dangantaka ta dogon lokaci da abin da aka makala. Duk da haka, abin farin ciki ba zai iya wanzuwa har abada ba kuma a nan ne ƙauna ta shiga
• Soyayya mai zurfi ta bayyana: Kasancewa cikin soyayya a ƙarshe yana buɗe hanyar zuwa zurfi, mafi ƙanƙanta nau'in ƙauna wanda Jenna za ta bincika yayin da lokaci ya wuce. Ya fi balaga, mafi ƙarancin wasan kwaikwayo kuma wani abu na dogon lokaci. Wannan shine bambancin soyayya da soyayya

A Reddit mai amfani sun bayyana ra’ayinsu game da soyayya: “Sun yi ƙoƙari su kwatanta abin da suke ji kamar suna soyayya tsawon ƙarni a kowane irin hanyoyi daga wallafe-wallafe, kiɗa, fasaha, da dai sauransu.

2. So da soyayya: Kuna iya son komai, amma kuna iya zama cikin soyayya kawai

Ga ainihin bambanci tsakanin waɗannan kalmomi guda biyu masu ruɗani. Me ake nufi da soyayya? To, kasancewa cikin ƙauna da wani yakan nuna cewa akwai soyayya da tsanani sha'awar sha'awa, wani abu da za ka iya ji a farkon gani. Akwai wani abu mara misaltuwa game da yadda kuke sha'awar kusanci da wanda kuke soyayya da shi. Kuna iya ganin su ta gilashin fure-fure kuma ku yi watsi da duk wasu abubuwa game da su waɗanda zasu iya dame ku.

Deepak ya ce, "Akwai tsananin sha'awar kasancewa tare da su ba tare da su ba." Jenna tana son zama kusa da abokin zamanta koyaushe kuma suna shagaltar da tunaninta duk tsawon rana. A wani bangaren kuma, son wani ba wannan ba ne mai tsanani ko kuma na soyayya a yanayi. Ainihin soyayya na iya zama platonic ma. Wannan wani muhimmin bambanci ne tsakanin kasancewa cikin soyayya da son wani.

3. Soyayya ta gaskiya tana kiyaye ka; Kasancewa cikin soyayya yana haifar da tashin hankali

Tsananin jin daɗin da ke tattare da zama cikin soyayya kamar abin nadi ne. Kuna cikin gajimare, cike da farin ciki kuma ba za a iya tsayawa ba. Komai na rayuwa ya fara jin haske. Amma lokacin da manyan sinadarai da motsin rai masu ƙarfi suka ragu, makamashin yana magudawa tare da shi. Duk da yake kasancewa cikin soyayya yana da ma'ana mai ƙarfi na rashin son saki, ƙauna ita ce ke riƙe da jariri lokacin da kuka faɗi.

Yadda za a bayyana kasancewa cikin soyayya? Mun juya zuwa Reddit. Fatishiste, a Reddit mai amfani ya rubuta cewa, "A gaskiya ina tsammanin 'cikin soyayya' yakan zama wani nau'i na soyayya na musamman akan lokaci, sannan yana tashi lokaci-lokaci don tunatar da ku dalilin da yasa kuke son SO (abokin tarayya) sosai.

To ta yaya kuke sanin lokacin da kuke son wani tun farko? Ƙauna tana tafiya zurfi fiye da wannan tsayin kuma ya wuce lokaci mai kyau tare. Yana da tsayayye da daidaito. Lokacin da kuke son wani, kuna kula da yanayin tunaninsu da jin daɗin rayuwarsu. Ƙaunar ku tana ba ku lokacin da girman kasancewa cikin soyayya ya ƙare.

Shafin da Ya Kwance: Son Wani Vs Kasancewa Cikin Soyayya - Bambance-bambancen Gaskiya 15

4. Zama cikin soyayya abin mallaka ne, yayin da soyayya ke maida hankali ga girma kawai

Me ake nufi da soyayya, kuna tambaya? Bari mu sake komawa Jenna don tantance soyayya vs. a cikin bambance-bambancen soyayya. Tana son sanar da soyayyarta ga abokin zamanta ga duk fadin duniya. Ba za ta daina tunanin yadda abokin zamanta yake ji da yadda za ta iya kiran su nata ba. Kuma wannan ya ɗan bambanta da soyayya ta gaskiya. Bari mu bibiyi tunanin Jenna:

• Lokacin da kuke soyayya, kuna son su zama naku: Kuna so ku gaya wa kowa cewa babban sauran ku naku ne, kusan kamar da'awar wannan mutumin don kanku. Kuna jin daɗin sanin cewa naku ne
• Soyayya ta zo a wani mataki na gaba: Lokacin da akwai soyayya kawai, kawai kuna mayar da hankali kan gina sabon abu mai mahimmanci tare da wannan mutumin ba tare da wani abin mallaka ba. Ba su ne babban fifikonku ko da, amma ba ya rage soyayyar. Wannan shi ne abin da yakan faru a matakin ƙarshe na soyayya ko kuma daga baya matakan dangantaka

5. Zama cikin soyayya ji ne mai karfi yayin da son wani zabi ne

Jenna ba ta zaɓi yin soyayya da abokin zamanta ba. Hakan ya faru sannan ya share ta daga kafafunta. Ta ji sha'awa da duk sihirin da ya zo da shi. Ƙarfi da tashin hankali, jin ruri mai ruri, ta kasance gaba ɗaya gaba ɗaya a cikin wannan dangantakar. Ya yi kama da tsohon tunanin soyayya da ta ji game da girma, girma.

Koyaya, soyayya ta ɗan bambanta da wancan. Za ku iya son wani kawai idan kun zaɓi son su. Yana sa ka ji amintacciya da iko, maimakon kasancewa a cikin duk wani kuzari mai cinyewa inda ba za ka iya tunanin komai sai su. Babu share ƙafafu da hannu, amma akwai babban alƙawari a kan matakin zurfi. Mataki ne da kuka ɗauka kuma zaɓin da kuke yi kuma ku ci gaba da yin shi, rana ɗaya a lokaci guda.

6. Soyayya na iya ba ku sarari yayin da kasancewa cikin soyayya zai iya sa ku manne

Kasancewa cikin soyayya da son wani - Yaya ya bambanta? Ƙaunar ƙauna ko ƙauna abu ne mai kyau wanda ke ba ku duk abubuwan jin daɗin rayuwa, amma kuma yana ba ku damar zama naku. Wannan yana daya daga cikin manyan bambance-bambancen da ke tsakanin soyayya ta hakika da kuma zama cikin soyayya kawai.

• Kuna manne yayin da kuke cikin soyayya: To, jin daɗin soyayya na iya sa ka so ka manne da abokin tarayya. Yana kama da lokacin hutun amarci na dangantaka. Kullum kuna so ku kasance tare da su kuma kuna son yin amfani da lokaci mai yawa tare gwargwadon iyawa
• Soyayya ta gaskiya tana ba da damar ƙarin sarari: A daya bangaren kuma, soyayya tana baka ikon baiwa mutumin wani wuri ba tare da ya shafi dangantakarka ba. Kuna so ku zauna tare da su har yanzu amma, a lokaci guda, kuna da kwanciyar hankali don kada ku ji buƙatar mamaye sararinsu ko jin barazanar shi.

Shafin da Ya Kwance: Yadda Ake Raya Sarari A Cikin Alakar

7. Kasancewa cikin soyayya yana nufin ana yi maka jagora ta yadda suke sa ka ji

A cikin 'ƙaunar wani da son wani', wannan shine watakila bambancin da mutum zai fi ji. Don haka idan tunanin ku ga wani a cikin sabuwar dangantaka ya cika ku gaba ɗaya, duba zurfin ƙasa kuma ku kimanta gwargwadon yadda wannan na musamman ke tafiyar da motsin zuciyar ku. Ga wasu tambayoyin da kuke buƙatar yi wa kanku:

• Shin yanayinsu yakan shafi kaina?
• Shin na dogara da su a hankali?
• Ina farin ciki idan sun fi so na?

Idan kun amsa yawancin waɗannan tambayoyin a cikin tabbatacce, akwai kyakkyawan zarafi kuna son abokin tarayya kuma ba ku isa mataki na gaba ba inda abubuwa suka fara daidaitawa da sauƙi. Kuna iya ma buƙatar sanin bambanci tsakanin soyayya da soyayya, kamar yadda wannan zai iya zama na ƙarshe. Idan gaba dayan jikinka da tunaninka sun dogara da su, kana cikin matsanancin shakuwa wanda galibi ya sha banban da soyayya ta gaskiya yayin da na karshen ya fi ‘yanci.

8. Soyayya madawwamiya ce

Ba kwa buƙatar masanin ilimin zamantakewa ya gaya muku cewa ainihin soyayya abu ne da ba zai taɓa dusashewa ba. Ƙaunar wani abu ne mai dorewa idan aka kwatanta da kasancewa cikin soyayya. Kasancewa cikin soyayya har yanzu son kai ne ta wata hanya, inda kawai ka kula da su har lokacin da suke kula da kai. Lokacin da suka tsaya, za ku ji kamar tsayawa kamar yadda kuke ƙoƙarin ci gaba da ƙaunar wasu, mutane daban-daban. Koyaya, ƙauna ta gaske tana ci gaba ko da kuna tare da wasu, tana ci gaba ko da kuna son wasu.

Anan akwai wasu tunani na ƙarshe don fahimtar ainihin bambance-bambance tsakanin soyayya ta gaskiya da soyayyar fim ko irin tsananin soyayyar da mutum yake ji a farko. Idan kun taɓa samun kanku a wurin da kuka ce “Ina ƙaunarsa amma Ba na son shi duk da haka” ko “Ina son ta amma ba na sha’awarta kuma,” ku sani cewa za ku iya son wani kuma kada ku kasance cikin soyayya da su. Kuma akasin haka. Lokacin da kashi na sha’awa, sha’awa, da sha’awar jiki ya ɓace, amma kuna jin daɗin ba da lokaci tare da abokin tarayya, to kawai soyayya ce mai tsafta. Ba ku cikin soyayya da su. Kuma wannan wani bambanci ne na gaske don yin tunani akai.

Lokacin da ka fara jin Jenna tana cewa tana soyayya, wataƙila ka yi tunani, “To, wannan tsohuwar ƙauna ce kawai.” Muna fatan yanzu kun fahimci inda take a halin yanzu a cikin dangantakarta. Bayan an yi magana game da bambance-bambancen da ke tsakanin waɗannan ra'ayoyin, yana buƙatar a ce ƙauna da ƙauna ba gasa ba ce. Babu irin soyayyar da ta fi wani, kuma wani bai fi wani ba. Akwai daki na daban nau'ikan soyayya a wannan duniyar kuma abu mafi mahimmanci shine soyayyar ku ta sanya muku farin ciki.

An sabunta wannan labarin a cikin Satumba 2023.

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