Ka Tino Whai Hua Ngā Hononga Āputa Tau 20-Tau?

Ina rongo koe i tētahi hoa e kōrero ana kei te tūtaki ia ki tētahi e rua tekau tau te pakeke ake, ka huri haere ngā pātai mano tini. Tērā pea ka hurihia ō kanohi ki tētahi katakata "raruraru waenga-ora". Tērā pea kei te hiahia koe ki te mōhio nā te mea kua roa koe e hiahia ana ki ngā hoa kua roa ake te pakeke. Tērā pea ko koe tētahi i roto i tētahi hononga e rua tekau tau te rerekētanga o te tau, ā, ka whakahengia koe i ia wā e pupuri ringa ana koe i te aroaro o te marea. Ehara i te mea ko koe anake kei te whakaaro mēnā ka taea e te aroha te hono i ngā tekau tau e rua.

Ko te tikanga o te whanaungatanga 20 tau te rerekētanga o te tau, he takirua pēnei i te 25 tau te pakeke e piri ana ki te 45 tau te pakeke, ki te 40 tau rānei te pakeke kua moe ki te 60 tau te pakeke. Ka kukume te hiahia o ēnei takirua rerekētanga tau 20, nā te mea ka werohia e rātou ngā tumanakohanga pāpori. Tērā pea ka whakatūpato ngā hoa mō ngā rerekētanga o te ao, ā, ka mamae pea ngā whakaaro "cougar" me te "sugar daddy". 

I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka tūhuratia e tātou ngā take e tautohetohe ai ngā whanaungatanga rerekē te pakeke, ngā wero e pā ana ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i tēnei ao hurihuri, me pēhea te whakahaere i tēnei. Ka taea e te aroha te hono i ngā tekau tau e rua? Me wehewehe tātou, i te taha kare ā-roto, i te taha hinengaro, me te taha mahi.

He aha i tino tautohetia ai ngā whanaungatanga ā-tau

Ka taea e ngā whanaungatanga he nui ngā rerekētanga tau te whakaoho i ngā whakaaro kaha. Ko ētahi tauhohenga e ahu mai ana i te hītori, ko ētahi i te hinengaro, ā, e whāngai katoa ana ēnei i ngā mea e kitea ana, e rangona ana hoki e tātou mai i te whānau me ngā hoa.

1. Te horopaki hītori me te horopaki ahurea

Titiro whakamuri ki tētahi whakatipuranga, ki ētahi whakatipuranga rānei, ā, ka kitea e koe he rite tonu te hononga o ngā tāne pakeke me ngā wāhine taitamariki, he mea hono tonu ki ngā hanganga tāne. I rapu ngā wāhine i te pumau me ngā rauemi, ko ngā tāne ia i rapu i te whānautanga. Kei te rangona tonutia aua āhuatanga i roto i ngā kupu hou. Ko ngā kupu pēnei i te "sugar daddy," "wahine rangatira"me te kupu "cougar" kei te kaha tonu ki te ao rongonui me ngā kōrero a te marea. 

Ka whakaitihia te tangata e ēnei tapanga hei whakakatakata, ka warewarehia ngā take whaiaro e hono ai ngā pakeke e rua. I roto i ngā ahurea maha, ko te marena i tētahi he rerekē te tau o te whanaungatanga he huarahi hei pupuri i te nekenekehanga pāpori, i ngā hononga whānau rānei. I ēnei rā, tera pea kei te aroha noa koe ki tētahi hoa mahi a tō hoa, ehara i te mea nā ō mātua i whiriwhiri.

2. Te whakaaro pōuri hinengaro

Ehara i te mea ko te aroha anake te kukume tangata. Ka uru mai ngā āhuatanga whanaketanga me ngā āhuatanga pāpori. rangahau mō te taunga whakaipoipo, e kī ana he maha ngā tāne i mua i pai ake ki ngā hoa e whakaatu ana i ngā tohu o te taitamarikitanga me te momonatanga, engari he maha ngā wāhine i aro nui ki te pumau me ngā rauemi. ako i kitea i te pakeketanga o ngā tāne, ka whānui haere te rerekētanga tau e pai ana ki a rātou. Tērā pea ka riri ngā tāne me ngā wāhine o ēnei rā ki ēnei tauira, engari ka puta tonu he whakaaro pōhēhē. Ina honoa he tāne 25 tau te pakeke ki tētahi tāne 45 tau te pakeke, tera pea ka whakapae te iwi kei reira he tauwhitinga i waenganui i te ora me te haumaru.

3. Te whakatau ā-iwi me ngā tauhohenga whānau

Ko te mea pea e tino pāngia ai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine pakeke, rangatahi hoki, ko te titiro a te marea. rangahau e whakaatu ana ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he Te rerekētanga o te tau 10 tau e rua, e toru rānei ngā wā ka nui ake te whakahē a waho i ō hoa he iti ake te āputa. E ai ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he nui ake te āputa i te tau, he nui ake te whakahāwea i waenga i te iwi, ā, nā tēnā i iti ake ai te whakapau kaha me te nui ake o ngā wehenga. Tērā pea kua rite koe ki te whakanui i tō taumautanga, engari ka kitea e koe ō mātua e piki ake ana ngā tukemata, e kōrero pakiwaitara ana rānei ō hoa mahi. Ka taea e te ahotea o te tiaki tonu i tō aroha te whakararuraru i te hononga tino haumaru.

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha te rerekētanga tau pai rawa atu mō te marena angitu?

Te Hinengaro i Muri i ngā Āputa Reanga Nui

Mā te mārama ki ngā awe hinengaro e pā ana ki ngā whanaungatanga rerekē te pakeke ka āwhina i te whakamārama he aha ētahi e ora ai, ko ētahi e hinga ana. Whakaarohia he rite ki te whakakotahi i ngā rārangi wā whanaketanga e rua.

• Te pakeketanga o te ngākau me te taurite o ngā wheako o te ao: Kua pahure pea te hoa 45-tau te pakeke i te tīmatanga o tana mahi, engari kei te rapu tonu pea te tangata 25-tau te pakeke i a ia anō. Kāore te pakeketanga o ngā kare ā-roto e hono tonu ki te pakeketanga, engari tera pea kua tukatukahia e te hoa pakeke ngā wheako pēnei i ngā whanaungatanga o mua, ngā whakawhiti mahi rānei. Ina te whakaute a ngā hoa mahi tetahi i tetahi me te kore whakahāwea, ka taea e te rerekētanga o te tau te whakarei ake i te whanaungatanga
• Ngā wāhanga o te whanaketanga hinengaro-pāpori: E kī ana te hinengaro whanaketanga ka pāngia tātou e ngā wāhanga rerekē o te ao. E rapu ana ngā taiohi i te tuakiri me te whanaungatanga, ko ngā pakeke waenga-pakeke e aro ana ki te whakatipuranga me te taonga tuku iho, ā, ko ngā kaumātua e whakaaroaro ana ki te tikanga o te ao. Ina rerekē ngā wāhanga o ngā hoa, ka aro pea tētahi ki te haereere me te tūhura mahi, ko tētahi e whakaaro ana ki te reti. Mā te mōhio ki ēnei rerekētanga ka āwhina i te ārai i te riri ina piki tonu tētahi hoa, ā, e hiahia ana tētahi ki te whakaroa.
• Ngā momo āpitihanga me ngā hihiri mana: Ko te hunga e piripono ana ki te whanaungatanga, ka whakawhirinaki, ka kōrero mārama hoki. I roto i ngā hononga tau-wehe, āpitihanga haumaru ka whakanui ake i ngā mataku. Tērā pea ka manukanuka te hoa taitamariki e manukanuka ana mō te ngaronga o te hoa pakeke, engari ko te hoa pakeke e karo ana i te aroha ka mataku kei whakahaerea ia. Tērā pea he kore taurite: tera pea kei tetahi hoa te mana pūtea, ko tetahi he mana pāpori, he mana moepuku rānei. E whakatūpato ana te tohunga hinengaro a Tākuta Seth Meyers he maha ngā raruraru e pā ana ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi neke atu i te tekau tau te pakeke ake nā te mea he tino rerekē ngā wheako o te ao me ngā kaupapa matua. Engari ina mārama ngā hoa e rua ki ā rāua tauira piripono me te mahi i te whakatau mārama, ka ōrite te hihiri.
• Te rerekētanga o te mōhiotanga whaiaro: Ko Tākuta Alexandra Solomon, he kaiwhakaako hinengaro whanaungatanga i Te Whare Wānanga o Northwestern, e tono ana ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kia neke atu i ngā tumanakohanga pakiwaitara. E kī ana ia kei te whāngaihia tātou ki ngā pūrākau aroha e kī ana "ki te uaua te aroha, he hē tetahi mea", engari ko ngā hononga piripono he oko e whakaoho ana i ngā hiahia piripono hohonu. Engari i te whakapae i tō hoa, e kī ana a Horomona me whai tātou i te tirohanga "ko aku taonga me ō taonga he rite ki ā tātou taonga". Arā, ka taunekeneke tō hītori whānau, ō āwangawanga me ngā āhuatanga rerekē ki tō hoa, ahakoa te pakeke. Ina whakanuia e ngā rerekētanga tau ēnei āhuatanga, ka nui ake te hiranga o te mōhio ki a koe anō me te aroha.
• Te rerekētanga o te erotic me te kare ā-roto: E whakamahara mai ana te kaiwhakaora takirua a Esther Perel ki a tātou, ka tupu te moepuku i te tawhiti, pērā i te tata. Ina nui rawa te whakawhirinaki o ngā takirua pakeke-rangatahi, ka noho tētahi hei mātua, ka noho tētahi hei tamariki, ka tineia te mura. Me pupuri te mana motuhake i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora e rerekē ana te tau, me te tuku i te hiahia kia heke, kia rere.

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Ina Whai Hua Ngā Hononga Āputa Tau 20-Tau

Ehara i te mea ka mutu te hononga o ngā tau 20 katoa. Anei ngā tūāpapa e ora ai ngā hononga e rua tekau tau te rerekētanga o te tau:

1. Ngā uara matua e tohaina ana

Kei raro i ngā rā whānau me ngā kupu whakataki a ngā whakatupuranga ko te pātai: E hiahia ana kōrua ki te oranga kotahi? Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whai ana i ngā uara matua pērā i ngā mahere whānau, ngā whāinga mahi, ngā manakohanga momo noho, me ngā uara pūtea ka tū pakari i ngā āwhā o te ao. Tērā pea ka hiahia kōrua ki tētahi oranga ngāwari i te whenua, ka hiahia rānei kōrua ki te whakaohooho hinengaro me te mōrearea. Ahakoa he rerekē ō kōrua tekau tau, ko te whai i ngā tauira matatika me te tirohanga roa ka hanga he turanga pakari. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine pakeke-rangatahi e kite ana he nui ake te hiranga o te hototahitanga i roto i te wairuatanga, te whakakatakata, me te kaupapa i te whānautanga i te tau kotahi.

2. Te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te pakeketanga o ngā kare ā-roto

He rongonui te kōrero a te kairangahau whanaungatanga a John Gottman mō te "tahuri ki ngā tono," arā, ngā wā poto e rapu hononga ana tētahi hoa, ā, ka whakautu mai tētahi. Mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine rerekē te pakeketanga e 20, he 20 tau te pakeke, he mea nui ēnei wā poto. Tērā pea kua whanakehia e te hoa pakeke ngā pūkenga whakatau pakanga, engari ko te hoa taitamariki ka puta mai he ngoikoretanga hou. Ina whakamahia e ngā hoa e rua te aroha, te whakarongo me te kore e ārai, me te ako i ngā reo o tētahi ki tētahi, ka taea e rāua te hono i ngā rerekētanga o ngā whakatupuranga. 

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3. Ngā kaha tāpiri

He maha ngā wā ka huri te whanaungatanga taurite i waenganui i te tau ki te kanikani o ngā mea rerekē. Ka tukuna e te hoa pakeke te pumau, te ārahi, me te haumaru pūtea pea, ko te hoa taitamariki ia ka kawea mai te kaha, te hiahia, me ngā tirohanga hou. Kāore tetahi e "whakamahi" ana i tetahi. Ngā tāne me ngā wāhine hauora tirohia ēnei rerekētanga hei rawa. Ina whakautehia e kōrua ngā kaha o tētahi ki tētahi, ka puta he mahi tahi whakaputa uri, kaua ko te mahi tahi a te mātua me te tamaiti.

4. Kia mau te mana motuhake

He mea whakamīharo, ko te mea e mau tonu ai te hononga puta noa i ngā whakatipuranga ko te wāhi hei tipu takitahi. Ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te pupuri i ō ake hoahoa, ōu ake hiahia, me ōu ake wawata mahi. Ngā tāne me ngā wāhine rerekē te tau Ko te hunga e karo ana i te whakawhirinaki nui rawa atu, he iti ake te tūponotanga ka taka ki ngā tūranga e whakangaro ana i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka haere koe ki tētahi kōnohete kāore e taea e tō hoa te whakaae, ka whakatupu rānei i ngā hoa i roto i tō rōpū tau. Ka taea e taua tū motuhake te noho hei wahie mō te kukume roa.

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Ngā Wero Noa e Pā Ana ki a Rātou

Ahakoa ngā hononga kaha, ka tūpono ngā uauatanga. Anei tētahi tirohanga pono ki ngā arai ka pā mai i te rerekētanga o te pakeketanga e 20 tau te pakeke, me pēhea hoki te whakatau i aua arai.

Ngā Tohu Whero i roto i ngā Hononga Āputa-Tau

Kāore ngā rerekētanga o te reanga e whakaputa paitini, engari ka taea e rātou te huna hononga kino ngā tauira. Kia mataara ki ēnei tohu ehara i te mea ko ngā tau i waenganui i a kōrua engari ko ngā take hohonu ake kei te takaro.

1. Te whakahaere me te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto

Ki te mea kei te "whakaakohia" tonutia koe e tō hoa, kia aro mai. Ina uru te ārahi ki te whakahaere i ō whiringa, he tohu tēnei kei te kore taurite te mana. E whakatūpato ana a Tākuta Meyers, "Ka raru pea ngā whanaungatanga neke atu i te tekau tau te tawhiti nā te mea he tino rerekē ngā wheako o te ao me ngā kaupapa matua. Ki te whakamahia e te hoa pakeke tēnei tawhiti hei whakaiti, hei whakaiti rānei i ngā whakaaro o te hoa taitamariki, ehara i te aroha."

2. Te whakawhirinakitanga pūtea i whakamahia hei pupuri i te mana

He taputapu, he patu rānei te moni. Mēnā ka whakahaerehia e te hoa kotahi ngā pūtea katoa, ā, ka whakamahia e ia hei whakahau i ngā whakataunga, hei pupuri rānei i te tutuki i ngā whakaritenga, ka huri te whanaungatanga mai i te mahi tahi ki te whakawhirinaki. Ka akiaki te mahi tahi pono i te māramatanga o ngā pūtea, ā, ka whakamana i te tokorua ki te takoha i tā rāua e taea ai.

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3. Te ngaronga o te tuakiri whaiaro

Te whanaungatanga hauora me whakawhānui ake i tō māramatanga ki a koe anō. Ki te kite koe kei te kakahu koe i tētahi momo kākahu, kei te whakarērea rānei ō hiahia hei whakamanawareka i tō hoa, hei urutau rānei ki tō rātou ao, whakaarohia mēnā kei te ngaro koe i a koe anō. He mea nui te tiaki i tō tuakiri me ō hiahia.

4. Te riri huna mō te koroheketanga me te ngaronga pāpori

I ētahi wā ka hunaia e ngā hoa te mataku mō te koroheketanga, te tūnga pāpori rānei mā te whakahē tetahi i tetahi. Tērā pea ka huna e te hoa taitamariki te hae mō te herekoretanga o te hoa pakeke, engari tērā pea ka riri te hoa pakeke mō te kore e tau ki ngā huihuinga a tā rātou hoa. Mēnā kei te huna koe i ēnei kare ā-roto, ka puta ake pea hei whakatoi, hei wehe rānei. Me aro atu ki ēnei me te ngoikore, kaua e tukua kia pirau haere.

Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakapūmau i te Hononga Āputa 20-Tau

Mō te hunga e hiahia ana ki ngā whanaungatanga e 20 tau te rerekētanga o te tau, ehara te angitu i te mea tūpono noa. He mea hanga i runga i ngā kōwhiringa āta whakaarohia me te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi. Anei ngā mea e whai hua ana.

1. Kōrerohia wawetia ngā mahi whakahaere roa

I mua i te neke tahi, i te marena rānei, kōrerohia ngā pūtea, ngā mahere mahi, te reti, te tiaki tamariki, me te tūnga mātua pea. E whakaatu ana ngā rangahau ka heke te pai o te marena mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine rerekē te pakeke i muri i te 6–10 tau, ā, he iti ake te kaha ki ngā ru ohaoha. Mā te whakarite i ngā tumanakohanga whanaungatanga ki ngā tahua, te taurite mahi-ora, me ngā kawenga tiaki hauora ka ārai i ngā ohorere kei te heke mai.

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2. Kia mau tonu tō tuakiri

Ahakoa te āhua aroha o te mahi tahi i ngā mea katoa, mā te tū motuhake ka tautoko i te hiahia. Kia mau ki ō mahi whakangahau, ki ō hoa, me ō whāinga whaiaro. Haere ki ngā kōnohete takitahi, haere rānei ki ngā akoranga me te kore he hoa. Ina tūtaki anō kōrua, ka hou ngā kōrero me te hiahia. 

3. Tauritehia ngā hihiri mana

Hurihia te whakatau kaupapa kia kore ai e rerekē ngā kaupapa here. Mena kei te whakahaere tetahi hoa i ngā pūtea, tukua tetahi ki te whakamahere hararei. Whakaarohia ngā pūkete tahi me ngā pūtea "kāore he pātai". Kia mōhio ki ngā wāhi e whai pūkenga ai ia tangata. Tērā pea e mārama ana te hoa taitamariki ki ngā haumitanga matihiko, ko te hoa pakeke ia e mōhio ana ki te hoko whenua. Mā te mana whakahaere ka whakatairangahia te whakaute.

4. Whakatairangahia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i runga i ngā whakapae

Whakaritea he tirotiro whanaungatanga ia wiki, ia marama rānei. Pātai atu tetahi ki tetahi mō ngā kare ā-roto, ngā wehi, me ngā moemoeā. Kaua e whakaaro kei tō hoa te rite tonu. ngā rārangi wā whanaungatanga, ahakoa mō te marena, mō ngā tamariki rānei, nā te mea he pakeke ake, he taitamariki ake rānei. Mā te takiuru ka whakatairanga i te mōhiotanga whanaungatanga ki a koe anō, he ariā e tautokona ana e Tākuta Horomona. Ehara i te mea mō te pakeketanga engari mō te whakaae ki te hanga a ō ake hītori i ō "mea" ake.

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5. Hangaia he whatunga pāpori tiritahi

Ka puta te mauahara i te noho mokemoke. He ngāwari te hoki whakamuri ina whakahengia koe, engari mā te noho huna ka whakakaha ake te whakama. Whakamōhiotia tetahi ki tetahi ki ngā hoa o tō reanga, me te whakawhanake i ngā hapori e whakanui ana i te pono i te āhua. Ka taea e te whatunga tautoko te ārai i ngā whakahē a waho e pā ana ki te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine rerekē te pakeke. 

6. Kia mau ki te hiahia ki ngā ao o tētahi ki tētahi

Kaua e titiro noa ki ngā momo waiata, hangarau rānei a tō hoa, engari pātai atu. Haere ki ngā kōnohete a ngā kaitoi o ō rātou tau taiohi, mātaki rānei i ngā kiriata pakipūmeka mō ngā mahi tōrangapū i hanga i ō rātou taiohitanga. Mā te hiahia ki te mōhio ka honoa ngā āputa ahurea, ka poipoi hoki i te aroha. Āwhia taua āhuatanga rerekē mā te ako mai i ngā wā o tētahi ki tētahi.

FAQs

Thoughts Final

Ehara i te mea ko te pātai anake ko te whai huatanga o ngā whanaungatanga e rua tekau tau te rerekētanga o te tau. Engari ko te pātai ko te hiahia o kōrua ko tō hoa ki te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga e kore e whakaarohia noatia. rangahau e whakatūpato ana mō te pikinga ake o ngā reiti wehenga me te whakahē pāpori, engari e whakaatu ana hoki ko te makona e whakawhirinaki ana ki ngā uara ōrite me te pakeketanga o ngā kare ā-roto. 

Mena kei te whakaaro koe ki te whanaungatanga, ki te rerekē rānei te tau o te whanaungatanga, pātai atu ki a koe anō: Kei te rite tonu kōrua whāinga mō te ao? Ka taea e kōrua te kōrero i roto i te pakanga me te kore e whakamahi i ngā tūranga mātua-tamaiti? Kua rite kōrua ki te aro atu ki te whakatau ā-iwi ngātahi? Mena kei te anga ngā whakautu ki te āe, ka noho te tau hei taurangi kotahi i roto i tētahi pūrākau aroha uaua, e whanake haere ana. Ehara i te mea kāore e taea te aroha e roa ana mō ngā tekau tau, engari me whai whakaaro nui, whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, me te tuwhera ki te whakarerekētia e tētahi e kite ana i te ao mai i tētahi atu tirohanga o te rārangi wā.

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