17 Ngā Tohu Whakamate o te Tāne Kore-Pakeke, me pēhea te whakatau

Kei te raru tō whanaungatanga? Ko te koretake o te kare ā-roto o tō hoa pea te take

Te taumahatanga kare-a-roto | | , Editor-in-Chief
Ngā Tohu Whakamate o te Tangata Kore-Pakeke
Porohia te aroha

Ki te mea kua whakaaro koe kei te piri tahi koe me tētahi tamaiti tāne, e mōhio ana koe ki te hōhā me te ngenge o taua wheako. Tērā pea ka kitea koe e kohikohi ana i ana tōkena paru i a ia e piri ana ki tētahi kēmu ataata, ko koe rānei te tangata e whakapāha ana mōna ina riri ia. Ehara i te mea ko koe anake kei te pāngia e tēnei. Heoi anō, he maha rawa ngā hononga e kitea ai ngā tohu o tētahi tāne koretake. Hei tauira, ko tēnei wahine i runga i te Reddit, e tangi ana, "Kāore taku hoa tāne e mahi i tetahi mea i roto i te whare, kāore he wawata, ā, e rite ana ahau ki tōna whaea."

Ina mau koe i roto i taua āhuatanga, he māmā noa iho te whakaaro he mātua koe, ehara i te hoa rangatira. I roto i te wā, ka tipu te koretake o ngā kare ā-roto mai i te mea whakarihariha ki te mea whakamate hononga. rangahau e whakaatu ana ka taea e te hoa koretake o te hinengaro te whakararu i tō harikoa. E whakatūpato ana te Gottman Institute he maha ngā wā ka hangaia e ngā tāne, e ngā hoa tāne rānei kāore i te tino pakari te ahotea nui i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka arahi ki ngā kare o te harikoa me te pouri. 

Koia te take he mea nui kia kitea ngā tohu o te koretake o te kare ā-roto o te tāne, me te rapu i ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi, haunga te whakamutu i ngā mea me te wehe atu, mena ka kitea koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei. I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka whakamāramahia e mātou ngā tohu whakamate 17 o te tāne koretake me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi, me te tautoko i ngā tirohanga a ngā tohunga hinengaro, ngā tohunga, me ngā wāhine kua pā ki a koe. 

Te Tūranga o te Pakeketanga i roto i te Hononga

He aha te hiranga o te pakeketanga i roto i te aroha? He māmā noa iho, ko te hoa pakeke te pūtake mō tētahi whanaungatanga pumau, aroha, engari ko te hoa kore pakeke ka huri i tō oranga hei hurihuri kare ā-roto. Ehara i te pakeketanga anake te pakeketanga o te kare ā-roto; ko te kaha ki te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto, ki te kōrero tuwhera, me te whai kawenga mō ā rātou mahi. I roto i te horopaki aroha, ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te whakawhirinaki, te whakaute, me te pumau. 

E whakamārama ana a Samantha Burns, he kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mō ngā tokorua, "Ka taea e te koretake o te kare ā-roto te whakaatu i te kore o te hohonu me te mārama ki ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata, te kore e taea te kōrero me te tukatuka i ngā mea e pā ana ki te whanaungatanga, tae atu ki Tuhinga o mua me te kaha ki te mārama ki ngā wheako kare ā-roto o tō hoa.”

I tētahi atu taha, mā te pakeketanga o ngā kare ā-roto ka hanga te whakawhirinaki, te haumaru, me te hononga hohonu ake. E ai ki te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Tya Camellia Stone, LMFT, "Ko te tohu matua mō te angitu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko te pakeketanga o ngā kare ā-roto." Ina pakeke ngā tāngata e rua, ka noho haumaru koe kia ngoikore ai. E mōhio ana koe ka taea e kōrua te whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi. Ka puta tonu ngā pakanga, engari ka kōrerohia marietia e koe, ka ako mai i aua pakanga, kaua e hamama, e patupatu rānei i ngā tatau.

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He rerekē, ko te koretake o te pakeketanga ka whakaiti i ngā mea e whai hua ai te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka aroha te tāne koretake ki a koe i tana ake ara, engari he uaua ki a ia te whakaatu i a ia anō hei hoa ōrite. Tērā pea ka riri tamariki ia i ngā wā tautohetohe, ka wehe atu rānei i te wā e uaua ana te ao. Hei whakakapi i ngā kōrero pono me te mahi tahi, ka puta he kēmu whakapae, he pahūtanga o ngā kare ā-roto, he wā puku rānei. I roto i te wā, ka memeha haere tō hononga i tēnei raruraru. He uaua ki te noho haumaru me te tangata ka pahū, ka ngaro atu rānei i a koe i ngā wā e kaha ana ngā kare ā-roto.

Ka akiakihia koe e te koretake ki ngā tūranga kāore anō kia whakaaetia e koe. Tērā pea ka kitea koe ko koe te "matua" i roto i te whanaungatanga, e whakamahara ana i a ia ki ngā kawenga matua, e whakatau ana i ana pakanga, e whakamanawanui ana rānei i ngā whanonga e mōhio ana koe kāore e whakaaetia. Ka kiia tēnei āhuatanga e ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro ko te mate Peter Pan, arā, ka mau tonu tētahi hoa i roto i te taiohitanga tonu. 

"Mēnā ko Peter Pan tō hoa rangatira, ko Wendy pea koe," te tuhituhi a te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Marni Feuerman. Tērā pea ka akiakihia e koe te whanonga mā te tango i te tūranga o te mātua. Ko te raruraru, ko te mahi hei māmā ki tō hoa rangatira he tunu mō te ngenge me te riri. 

I te mutunga iho, ko te pakeketanga te tūāpapa o te hononga hauoraKo tōna tikanga ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa rangatira kia whai whakaaro ki ō kare ā-roto, kia mahi tahi hei rōpū, kia pai hoki te whakahaere i ngā piki me ngā heke o te ao. Ki te kore tēnā, kāore e ranea te aroha hei whakakapi i te āputa. Ka huri ngā raruraru iti hei raruraru nui. Ka mutu, ka hikoi noa koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu, ka ngana tonu ki te ārai i te hinganga e whai ake nei, ka whakaaro rānei mēnā he nui rawa tāu e tono ana. He āhuatanga mamae tēnei – engari ko te mōhio ki ngā tohu kino te taahiraa tuatahi ki te huringa.

MaTakiHaki

17 Ngā Tohu Whakamate o te Tāne Kore-Pakeke i roto i te Hononga 

Ko te pakeketanga, te kore rānei o te pakeketanga o te tangata, e kitea ana i roto i āna mahi katoa. Nō reira, kāore e taea te huna i ngā tohu o te tāne koretake mō te wā roa rawa ina kei roto koe i tētahi hononga ki tētahi. Ki te kite koe kei te huri haere ō kanohi i te āhua o tō hoa, kei te tono rānei koe kia "pakeke" i a rātou, kia aro atu. Tērā pea ka kite koe i ētahi, i te nuinga rānei o ngā tohu o te koretake o ngā kare ā-roto o tō tāne:

1. E ora ana ia i tēnei wā anake

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu matarohia o te koretake o te tangata ko te kore rawa o te whakamahere mō te heke mai, ahakoa mō tana mahi, mō te pumau o te pūtea, mōna rānei tohu honongaTērā pea ka neke haere ia i tētahi mahi ki tētahi mahi, kāore rānei he wawata nui atu i ngā mahere o te mutunga wiki. Ka kite koe i a ia e mangere ana ki te kōrero, ki te whakatakoto whāinga rānei pērā i te neke tahi ki te noho, te marena, tae noa ki ngā hararei mō ngā marama kei te heke mai. Tērā pea he mea ngahau tēnei whakaaro "noho i roto i te wā" i te tīmatanga, engari ka noho hei mea whakarihariha ina ngana ana kōrua ki te hanga i tētahi oranga tahi, ā, kāore ia e whakaae ana. 

I ngā wā maha, ko te kore o ngā mahere ā meake nei ka haere tahi me te kore kawenga o ia rā. Tērā pea kei te whakawhirinaki tonu ia ki ngā mātua, ki ētahi atu rānei hei oranga mōna. E mōhio ana koe he tangata koretake ia e haereere noa ana i te ao mēnā, 

  • E whakaatu ana ia i te kore o te hihiri, ā, e uaua ana ki te pupuri i tētahi mahi pumau, i tētahi ara mahi rānei.
  • Kāore ia i whakaaro ki te penapena moni, ki te hoko whare, ki te whakatau rānei i ētahi atu whakataunga pūtea a te pakeke.
  • He momo noho ia e utua ana e ia te moni, e koa ana rānei ia ki te rapu tautoko mai i te whānau, i ngā hoa, i tana hoa rangatira rānei, i ngā wā katoa.
  • Ka kata ia mō tōna korenga e tipu ake, ka kī rānei ia he "wairua herekore" ia ki te karo i ngā kawenga pakeke

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2. Te wehi o te whakapau kaha

Ko te wehi ki te whakapau kaha tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te koretake o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ka kite koe i tēnei Tuhinga o mua mā roto i ngā whanonga karo. Hei tauira, ka huri pea ia i te kaupapa, ka hanga rānei i tētahi katakata ina whakahuatia e kōrua ngā mahere ā meake nei hei tokorua. Ka tapaina pea e ia ngā kōrero nui he "whakaari" ka mea rānei, "He aha e kore ai e taea e tāua te pārekareka ki ngā mea kei a tāua ināianei?" Ahakoa he pai te kore e tere, ko te tāne kua pakeke te hinengaro ka tuwhera ki te kōrero mō te ahunga o te whanaungatanga. Heoi, ko te tangata kāore i te pakeke, ka whakaaro ia ki te whakapau kaha pērā i te mahanga. Ka waiho koe i roto i te āhua koretake tonu, me te whakaaro mēnā kei te moumou taima koe nā te mea,

  • Ka pupuri tonu ia i ngā mea kāore i te mārama
  • Tērā pea ka oati ia "i tētahi rā" engari kāore rawa ia e anga atu ki tēnā
  • He maha āna hononga poto i mua

3. Te kore kawenga pūtea me te whakapau moni koretake

ngā tohu o te tangata koretake
Kāore te tahua i roto i tana rārangi kaupapa matua

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu whakamate 17 tino kitea o te tangata koretake ko te āhua o tana whakahaere i ana pūtea. Ko tētahi tohu ko te whakapau moni koretake: te hoko taputapu utu nui, ngā taonga papai, te pāti rānei i tua atu i tana kaha, kaua ki te utu pire, ki te penapena rānei mō ngā mea nui. Ka whakapaua rawatia hoki e tō hoa tana utu ki ngā taonga takaro me ngā pō whakangahau, hei nama moni hei reti? Ka karohia e ia te whakarite tahua, ka kohia rānei e ia te nama mō ngā hoko ohorere? 

Āe, kei te tino pāngia koe e te korenga o te pakeketanga o tō hoa. Ko ēnei whanonga pōrangi moni i ahu mai i te korenga o te whakahaere me te tirohanga whakamua. Ko te pōrangi moni ehara i te mea ka kino noa iho tana putea, engari ka pā ki a koe me te te pumau o te whanaungatangaKi te mea me tiaki tonu koe i a ia, kāore rānei e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a ia kia whai wāhi ōrite, ka tupu te riri. 

E mārama ana ngā pakeke whai kawenga ko te whakahaere moni he wāhanga o te hanga i tētahi heke mai. He rerekē, ka kī pea tētahi tāne koretake "YOLO" hei take mō te whakapau moni me te kore aro ki ngā hua. Tērā pea ka tumanako ia ka tangohia e ētahi atu te moni ina nui rawa ana whakapaunga.

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4. Ngā kare ā-roto me ngā pahūtanga ohorere i ngā wā pakanga

Ka noho mārire ngā pakeke pakeke i roto i ngā tautohetohe, engari he maha ngā wā ka whawhai kino te tāne koretake, ka pakū rānei i ngā take iti. Ki te kore e taea te matapae, ka pakeke, ka kino rānei tō hoa i roto i ngā tautohetohe, kia tūpato. Ko te koretake i roto i te pakanga ka rite ki, 

  • Te Kouru
  • Karanga-ingoa
  • E puta atu ana te tupuhi
  • Nga whakaeke whaiaro 
  • Te aukati 

"He uaua te kōrero whai tikanga ki tētahi tāne koretake i te wā e tautohetohe ana. Ko te tikanga ka whakawhirinaki rātou ki ngā kupu whakaiti iti," te kī a Feuerman. Tērā pea ka kitea e koe i ngā wā katoa e ngana ana koe ki te whakatika i tētahi āwangawanga, ka ārai ia, ka huri rānei i te tuhinga. Tērā pea ka whakahuatia e koe tētahi mea iti noa iho, pērā i te "I pouri ahau i tō whakakorenga i ā tāua mahere i te meneti whakamutunga", ā, kātahi ka karanga ia i a koe he "porangi" he "tino tairongo" rānei. 

Kotahi Redditor i whakaahua i tēnei hei "kore e pai ki te tuku i te 'tika' i roto i tētahi āhuatanga ka whara pōrearea koe i ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi... he koretake, he whakarihariha hoki." Engari ko te whakarongo, ka whakamātau te tangata koretake ki te tika, ahakoa he whara i a koe. He tohu tēnei o te koretake o te kare ā-roto ina kore e taea e ia te kōrero mārire mō ngā take, ā, ka hurihia e ia ngā tautohetohe katoa hei papa pakanga.

5. Kāore ia e whakapāha, e whakaae rānei i ngā hapa

Ka taea e te pakeke whai whakaaro te kī, "Aroha mai, i hē ahau." Engari, ko te tāne koretake, kāore ia e whakaae ki te kawenga. Ki te kore tō hoa e whakapāha pono, ki te kino atu rānei, ka huri ki te te huri-whakapae, he tohu nui tēnei. E ai ki a Burns, "Ko te tangata kāore anō kia pakari te hinengaro, kāore pea ia e hiahia ki te whakaae i tana hē, ā, ka ngana pea ia ki te whakapae i ētahi atu." He maha ā rātou whakamārama ina he tetahi mea nā rātou.

Hei tauira, me kī, i wareware ia i tō rā whānau. Ka nui te whakapāha a te hoa pakeke. Tērā pea ka mea te hoa koretake, "Āe, me i whakamahara mai koe i ahau. Ehara i te he nōku!" Ki te whara rānei koe i a ia, ka whakahoki ia, "He tino tairongo rawa koe." Ki tōna hinengaro, nō tētahi atu tonu te he, ehara i a ia. 

Mā tēnei whakawhiti whakapae ka noho koe me te pōuri, me te kore e rangona, me te pouri hoki nā te mea kāore ō kare ā-roto e whai mana. Tērā pea ka tīmata koe ki te ruarua i a koe anō, me te whakaaro mēnā ko koe te raruraru, i te mea ko te pono, kei te karo noa ia i te kawenga.

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6. Kāore he hītori o ngā whanaungatanga whai tikanga mō te wā roa

Kāore ngā tohu o te koretake o te kare ā-roto e kitea noa i roto i te āhua o te oranga o te tāne i tēnei wā, engari i roto anō hoki i tōna hītori o mua. Ko tētahi āhuatanga nui ko tōna hītori whanaungatanga. Kua whai hononga nui, pumau hoki ia i tua atu i te wā marena hou? Mena he poto noa iho, he papaku noa iho rānei ōna whanaungatanga o mua, tera pea he tohu o te koretake o te kare ā-roto. He rerekē te hītori o te katoa, ā, ehara i te hara te korenga o tētahi hoa o mua mō te wā roa. Engari ki te mea kua pakeke haere ia, ā, e kī ana me te whakapehapeha kāore ia i "herea" e tetahi hoa, e kōrero ana rānei ia mō ngā hoa o mua me te kore whakaute, he mea whakahāwea tēnā. Anei te take:

  • He "porangi" ngā hoa o mua katoa: Ina kīia he porangi, he piripono, he he rānei ia hoa o mua, he tohu kino tēnā. Kāore te hunga kua pakeke te kare ā-roto e whakaiti i ā rātou hoa o mua katoa; ka mahi te tāne koretake i tēnei hei karo i te whakaae ki tana ake tūranga i roto i te wehenga.
  • Kāore he herenga mō te wā roa: Kāore anō ia kia noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga neke atu i te torutoru marama te roa, kāore rānei ia i te noho tonu te "whakaipoipo" noa iho kāore he whakaaro ki te tuku i a ia anō. Tērā pea he tohu tēnei ka tukuna e ia he pēra ina hiahiatia he mahi nui, he hōhonutanga rānei mō ngā mahi
  • Te korenga o te tipu o te kare ā-roto: Ki te pātai atu koe ki a ia he aha āna i ako ai i ngā whanaungatanga o mua, ka noho pōuri ia, ka tuku rānei i tētahi kata. Kāore ia e aro ki te tirotiro i ana tauira, i ana kare ā-roto rānei. Nā te kore o te whakaaroaro hohonu, tera pea ka hoki anō ia ki ngā hapa o mua.

7. Whanoke whaiaro me te whakahihi

ngā tohu kare ā-roto o te koretake o te pakeketanga i roto i ngā tāne
Mōna katoa

E āhua ana ko ia anake te ao e huri ana? He maha ngā wā ka aro nui ngā tāne koretake ki a rātou anō. Tērā pea kāore ia e aro nui ki ō whakaaro, ki ō kare ā-roto rānei, engari ka tahuri ia i ngā kōrero katoa ki a ia anō. Ka noho whakamuri ō hiahia nā te mea ko tōna ake whakamarie me tōna whakapehapeha te mea nui ki a ia i ngā wā katoa. 

I roto i ngā whakaaro hinengaro, ka tata pea tēnei ki ngā āhua whakapehapeha, engari ahakoa kāore he tātaritanga, he karekau ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata e aro nui ana ki a ia anō. Tērā pea he hoa aro nui ki a ia anō, 

  • Whakararuraru pinepine i a koe
  • Whakatau takitahi
  • Kia riri ina kore ia e arohia e te tangata
  • Te kore aroha
  • He hiahia nui kia toa, kia whakamihia hoki

Hei tauira, ki te mea he angitu, he rongonui rānei tāu, kaua e harikoa mōu, tera pea ka mataku, ka riri rānei ia. Tērā pea ka ngana ia ki te whakanui ake i ō kōrero, ki te huri rānei i te arotahi mā roto i tētahi huarahi, tae atu ki te whakamataku, te pōuri rānei. Mā te noho tahi me tētahi pēnei ka ahua kore koe e kitea, kāore hoki he hiranga.

8. Te korenga o te whakahaere hihiri

He āhuatanga noa te whanoke i roto i ngā tamariki, ā, ehara i te mea miharo, ko tētahi o ngā tohu whakamate 17 o te tāne koretake. Ki te mahi tō hoa i runga i ngā hiahia noa iho, me te kore e whakaaro ki ngā hua, he tohu āwangawanga tēnā. Ka taea e tēnei te kapi i ngā whanonga maha: 

  • E mea ana, e mahi ana rānei ia i ngā mea "me te kore whakaaro": He maha āna kī, "Kāore au i whakaaro, i mahia noa e au." Tērā pea tēnei mai i te whakapuaki kupu whakatoi ina pouri ana, ki te hanga i ngā huringa nui o te ao i runga i te hiahia noa.
  • He raruraru tāna ki ngā mahi o ia rā, ki ngā herenga rānei: Tērā pea ka whakakorekore noa ia i ngā mahere nā te mea i puta ake tētahi mea ngahau ake, kāore i te whai whakaaro ki ō kare ā-roto. Kāore rānei e taea e ia te piri ki ngā kaupapa roa nā te mea ka hoha wawe ia, ā, ka whaia e ia tetahi mea kanapa e hopu ana i tōna aro i taua rā.
  • Ka whakaatu pea ia i ngā whanonga whanoke: I ētahi wā, ka horapa te hiahia ohorere ki ngā wāhi morearea pērā i te taraiwa pōrearea, te whakamahi kino i ngā matū, me ētahi atu mahi mōrearea. He maha ngā wā ka rapu te hunga koretake i te hiahia tere, me te kore e aro ki ngā mōrearea mō te wā roa.

"Kāore te tangata koretake o te hinengaro e kaha ki te whakahaere i ōna kare ā-roto, ā, kāore pea e taea e ia te whakahaere i ana whanonga. I taua āhuatanga, ka taea te whakarite i a rātou ki ngā tamariki. Ko te rerekētanga, ehara rātou i te tamaiti, ā, ka pā he hua kino ki aua kare ā-roto kāore i te āraihia," te kī a te tohunga whanaungatanga a Esther Perel.

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9. Ngā whanonga whakatoi, whakamataku rānei

Ahakoa te āhua tino nui, ka tahuri ētahi tāne koretake ki ngā whanonga tukino, inā koa ngā tāne e kore e haumaru kāore rānei koe e rongo i te mana whakahaere. Ehara i te mea ko te riri tinana tonu tēnei, ahakoa ka taea te piki ki tērā; he maha tonu te āhua he whakaiti ā-waha, he whakatoi e whiti ana i te rohe, he whanonga rangatira rānei hei akiaki i tana hiahia. Mena he maha ngā wā ka whakaitihia koe e tō hoa, ka mataku, ka tukinotia rānei, he tohu nui tēnā ehara i te mea he koretake noa iho engari he paitini pea. Hei tauira, 

  • Tērā pea ka tawai ia ki ō whakatutukitanga, ki ō hiahia rānei, he mea wairangi, hei whakaatu noa i tōna hiranga
  • Ina riri ia, ka taea e ia te karanga i a koe ki ngā ingoa whakaiti, me te mōhio ka mamae koe 
  • I roto i ngā huihuinga rōpū, ka ngana pea ia ki te whakahaere i a koe, ki te whakama rānei i a koe i mua i ētahi atu

He maha ngā wā ka puta mai ēnei whanonga i te tino koretake. Mā te whakaiti i te whakaaro o ētahi atu ka nui ia. E kore rawa te tāne pakeke me te māia e tukino i ana hoa aroha. Heoi, kāore te tangata whakatoi koretake i ako i ngā huarahi hauora hei whakahaere i ōna kare ā-roto. "Tērā pea ka riri ia, ka tukino i a koe kia pai ake ai tō whakaaro mōna ake. Mēnā ka whakaekea tonutia koe e tō hoa, ka tukino i a koe, tera pea kei te piri tahi kōrua me tētahi tāne koretake," te whakatūpato a Feuerman.

10. He tangata whakarongo ngoikore ia

Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te tūāpapa o tētahi hononga pai, ā, me noho hei ara e rua ngā taha. Ki te kore tō hoa e tino whakarongo, e wawahi tonu ana, e whakakorekore ana rānei i tāu e kōrero ana, he tohu tēnā nō te koretake o te kare ā-roto. Ka whakanuia e te hoa pakeke ō whakaaro, ā, ka whai kia mārama ki a koe. Ko te hoa koretake ia, i tētahi atu taha, ka whakarērea koe e ia, ka tatari rānei kia kōrero ia. 

Pātai atu ki a koe anō: Kei te rongo koe kei te rangona koe i roto i tō whanaungatanga? Ki te mea me kōrero tonu koe i a koe anō, ki te tapahia rānei koe i waenganui o te rerenga kōrero, ehara i te mea he tikanga kino noa iho tēnā, engari he tohu hoki i te kore whakaute ki a koe. Tērā pea ka whakarongo puku te hoa koretake: ka rongo ia i tāna e hiahia ana, inā koa he whakamoemiti, he mea mōna rānei, engari ko ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana ki te aroha, ki te whakapau kaha rānei ka uru ki roto i te taringa kotahi, ka puta ki waho i te taringa kē. I roto i te wā, ko te kore whakarongo pai ka arahi ki ngā māramatanga nui me te ahua o te tawhiti. Tērā pea ka mutu tō whakawhirinaki ki a ia nā te mea e kī ana ngā wheako "kāore he painga - e kore ia e whakarongo."

11. Nāna te ara, nā te huarahi nui rānei

te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa koretake
Ka pāpouri pea tōna kore ngāwari

Nā te koretake o te kare ā-roto, ka uaua te tangata ki te whakatakoto i ngā hiahia o tā rātou hoa ki mua, ahakoa i ētahi wā. Ko te tikanga o tēnei, kāore ia e pai ki te whakarite i ngā whakataunga hauora, ki te whakarite kia whai wāhi mō ō mea e pai ana ki a koe, ō mea e kore e pai ki a koe, me ō manakohanga, ki te whakarite rānei i a koe me te whanaungatanga hei kaupapa matua. 

E mea ana te tohunga whanaungatanga a April Davis, "Ka kitea tēnei āhuatanga ina kore tetahi e pai ki te tūtaki ki waenganui, ā, ka tīmata ki te teka, ki te whakapae, ki te hara-takahanga "Māu e āwhina kia whiwhi i tā rātou e pai ai." Ki te mutu tonu ngā tautohetohe mā te tohe tonu ki tāna otinga, te pōuri rānei mēnā kāore ia e whiwhi, he raruraru tēnā. I roto i te wā, ka whakaaro koe kāore ō hiahia e pāngia; ko te mea nui ko te whakaae ki a ia. Mā te kore ngāwari me te kore tautoko ka tino mokemoke koe i roto i te whanaungatanga.

12. Te teka me te tinihanga i ngā wā katoa

Ahakoa ngā kōrero teka "iti", ka taea e ia te whakararu i te whanaungatanga. Ki te kōrero teka tonu tāu tāne, ahakoa hei karo i te raruraru, hei whakaatu rānei i tōna ataahua, he tohu tēnā o te koretake. Engari i te aro atu ki te ao tūturu me ōna hua, ka whai ia i te ara tamariki o te kōrero teka. Tērā pea tēnei,

  • Ngā kōrero teka iti e maha ana: Ka kōrero teka ia mō ngā mea kāore e tika ana, pērā i tana mahi, ko wai tana hoa, he aha ia i tomuri ai. Ko ēnei kōrero teka koretake e tohu ana i tētahi mahi hei karo i tētahi kawenga, i tētahi kino rānei ki tōna āhua. Hei tauira, te kī "I mau ahau i te waka" i a ia e moe nui ana, e takaro noa ana rānei.
  • Ko nga korero koretake: He maha ngā wā ka rerekē ana whakamārama ina kōrerotia anō, ina pēhia rānei. Ki te pātai atu koe i tētahi atu pātai, ka pōturi ia, ka whakahou rānei i tana kōrero. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe kei te huna ia i tētahi mea, kāore rānei i te tino pono.
  • Te hanga whakaahua: Ka teka ētahi tāne koretake hei whakanui i tō rātou ahua. Tērā pea ka whakamanamana ia mō ngā whakatutukitanga kāore i tutuki, ka whakanui rānei i ngā meka kia āhua "pai". E whakaatu ana tēnei i te kore whakawhirinaki me te kore whakaae ki te ao tūturu.

Te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga He huarahi anō hoki tēnei hei karo i te pakanga. E whakaaro ana ia mēnā ka kōrerotia e ia ki a koe te mea e hiahia ana koe ki te whakarongo, kāore ia e aro ki tō urupare. Engari, ko te tikanga, ka whakangaro te teka i te whakawhirinaki. Kāore e taea e koe te noho haumaru ki tētahi ina kei te whakaaro tonu koe mēnā kei te kōrero pono ia. E mārama ana te tāne pakeke he haere tahi te whakawhirinaki me te māramatanga, ahakoa he uaua te pono. 

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13. He maha ngā wā ka noho mokemoke koe i roto i te whanaungatanga

Ko tētahi o ngā kare ā-roto kino rawa atu ko te noho mokemoke i roto i te whanaungatanga. Koinei te mea ka pā mai ina he koretake ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka kite koe, 

  • Ahakoa kei te noho tinana tonu tō hoa koretake, ka pāngia ia e te mamae o te ngākau.
  • Kāore i a koe te hononga kare ā-roto hohonu e tika ana mō tētahi whanaungatanga hauora
  • Kāore ia e aro mai ina ngana koe ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto, ki te rapu tautoko rānei
  • Ka tūtaki koe ki te kore aro, ki te whakakorenga, ki te titiro kau rānei 

Ka hangaia he whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-roto he āputa e uaua ai te hono atu. Me te mea kei roto kōrua i tō kōrua ake mirumiru, kaua e hikoi tahi ana i roto i te ao.

14. Ka karohia e ia ngā kōrero hōhonu, ngā kōrero nui rānei

He maha ngā wā ka karohia e ngā tāne koretake nga korero hohonu mō te whanaungatanga, ngā kare ā-roto, ngā mea rānei e hiahia ana kia ngoikore. He pai ake ki a rātou te pupuri i ngā mea kia māmā, kia ngahau hoki. Ina ngana koe ki te whakahōhonu i tō hononga ki a rātou mā te whakaoho i te ngoikore, ka kati rātou, ka tahuri rānei ki te katakata. Tērā pea ka kite koe i ngā wā katoa ka mea koe, "Me kōrero tāua," ka kitea tōna ngenge, ka tere tana kī he nui rawa tōna ngenge, he pukumahi rānei, ka ohorere rānei te kore e taea te toro atu, ahakoa he āhua tūpato, he āhua huna rānei, hei kati i a koe. 

Tērā pea ka whakapae ia i a koe mō te "whakaaro nui rawa" me te "whakatakoto raruraru" mēnā ka ngana koe ki te kōrero mō ō kare ā-roto, mō te āhua rānei o te whanaungatanga. E whakamārama ana a Davis, "Kāore ngā tāne koretake i te pai ki te hōhonutanga o ngā kare ā-roto. Ka taupokina rātou e ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka pai ake rātou ki te kore e aro atu ki aua kare ā-roto."

ngā tohu whakatūpato o te tāne koretake o te hinengaro
Kāore pea te tāne koretake e mōhio me pēhea te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto hohonu

Mā te kore e hiahia ki te whai wāhi hōhonu ka waiho ngā take nui kia kore e whakatauhia. Ki te kore e taea e koe te kōrero pono mō te ahunga whakamua o ngā mea, te whakatika rānei i tētahi raruraru e puta tonu mai ana, ka pirau haere aua take. Ko te tikanga hoki, kāore koe e tino mōhio ki ana whakaaro, ki ana kare ā-roto rānei i te taumata hohonu. Ko ētahi tāne kāore i te pakari te mōhio ki ngā kupu kare ā-roto. Tērā pea kāore rātou e mōhio me pēhea te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto hohonu nā te mea kāore anō kia whakaharatau. 

Nō reira, ka piri tonu rātou ki ngā kōrero mata mō ngā mahi o te rā, ngā mahi whakangahau, ngā kōrero mō ia rā, ngā kōrero whakawhanaungatanga tinana rānei, ā, ka noho puku ina tae mai ki te whakawhanaungatanga kare ā-roto. I roto i te wā, ka noho papaku tonu te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki tētahi hoa e tuwhera ana, e hono ana, e "haere atu ana" ki a koe i roto i te kare ā-roto, ā, ka kite pōuri koe kāore ia e hiahia, e kore hoki e taea e ia.

15. Kāore e taea e ia te whakatau, te piri rānei ki ngā whakataunga

Ka mutu ko koe anake te whakatau i ngā mea katoa, mai i te wāhi kai tina ki ngā kōwhiringa nui o te ao, nā te mea kāore ia e mahi? Tērā pea kei te raru koe i te kore whakatau tonu, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu matua o te koretake o te kare ā-roto. Ka rite te kaha o te tāne pakeke ki te whakahaere i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka mahi tahi ia ki ngā whakataunga. 

Ko te tangata koretake, kāore e hiahia ki te kawenga, e wehi ana rānei kei "hē" tana kōwhiringa, nō reira ka ngohengohe tonu ia ki a koe, ka hurihuri haere rānei. Ka taea e tēnei te whakararu i a koe, ā, ka whakararu hoki ina kore e taea e te tangata te whakatau ahakoa mō ngā mea iti.

Tērā pea ka puta te kore whakatau i te mangere, i te mataku rānei. Tērā pea kāore ia e aro nui ki te whakaaro ki ngā mahere, nō reira me whakarite tonu koe i ngā rā, i ngā hararei, me ērā atu mea. He nui rawa rānei tōna mataku ki te whakapau kaha, ā, ahakoa te whiriwhiri i tētahi mahi tahi, ka mataku ia nā te mea he kawenga kei roto. Tērā pea ka kī atu ia i ngā mea pēnei i te "Kāore au i te mōhio, ahakoa he aha tāu e hiahia ana" ki ngā mea katoa. Tērā pea he pai te ahua o tēnei, engari ko ia tonu, kāore ia e whakatakoto ana i tētahi mea. te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga.

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16. Te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto 

Ko te uaua ki te aroha, ki te whakautu rānei ki ō kare ā-roto tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te koretake o te kare ā-roto o te tāne. Ehara tēnei i te whakarongo noa iho, engari ko te manaaki pono me te tauhohe tika ina koa koe, ina pouri, ina mataku, ina mamae rānei. He maha ngā wā kāore he urupare kare ā-roto o te tāne koretake hei hono atu, hei whakamana rānei i ō kare ā-roto. Hei tauira, ki te haere atu koe ki a ia i roto i te pouri, tera pea ka āhua koretake ia, ka hoatu rānei he whakautu ngāwari pēnei i te "He kino tēnā" kātahi ka huri i te kaupapa. Tērā pea ka whakaatu ia i te koretake o te kare ā-roto, i te wehe atu rānei i te wā e pā ana ngā kare ā-roto hōhonu nā te mea kāore e taea e ia te whakahaere. Nō reira, tera pea ia, 

  • Kāore i te whakamarie i a koe: I ngā wā e tika ana kia tautoko te hoa aroha, ka ngaro ia, ka kore rānei e whai hua. Tērā pea ka wehe atu ia i a ia anō, ka tuku pōwhiri noa iho rānei, kātahi ka tere haere atu. Kāore koe e rongo i tana tautoko ā-hinengaro.
  • Kaua hoki e whakanui i tō harikoa: Ehara i te mea ko ngā wā pōuri anake te take o te aroha, engari ko te whakapuaki i te harikoa. Ki te kore ia e aro ki ō rongo pai, ki te kitea rānei he huarahi hei whakaatu i tōna aroha ki a ia, he iti rawa tēnā o te aroha.
  • Ka nui rawa te aro ki ō kare ā-roto: He mea whakamīharo, tera pea ka tino ārai ia mēnā ko ō kare ā-roto mō tētahi mea i mahia e ia. Engari ko te whakarongo ki a koe, ka whakaarohia e ia he whakaeke whaiaro. E whakamārama ana a Sharon Peykar, LCSW, "Ka whakaarohia e ngā hoa kore-taumata ngā mea he mea whaiaro, ka kite i ngā mea katoa he whakaeke ki a rātou." Kāore e taea e ia te tū ki roto i ō hu nā te mea he pukumahi rawa ia ki te tiaki i tōna ake whakapehapeha.

Ki te kore e taea, e kore rānei e pai ki te whakaatu i te aroha, ka noho mokemoke koe, ka pouri hoki nā te mea kāore ō hiahia kare ā-roto e tutukihia. 

17. Ka karohia e ia ngā kōrero whanaungatanga nui

Ko te tohu whakamutunga o te 17 o te tāne koretake ko te āwangawanga ki te kōrero nui mō te whanaungatanga. "Tērā pea ka āwangawanga ngā tāne koretake ki te kōrero mō te heke mai o te whanaungatanga, ki te aro atu rānei ki ngā take nui. Tērā pea ka karohia e rātou ngā kōrero mō te whakapau kaha, te taupatupatu tautohe, te tipu whaiaro rānei," te kī a Peykar. 

Ahakoa he kōrero "Kei hea tāua e anga atu ana?", he whakatau rānei i ngā pakanga e haere tonu ana, he kōrero rānei mō te tipu tahi, kāore ia e hiahia ki te whai wāhi atu. He kino tēnei karohanga nā te mea ka aukati i te ahunga whakamua o te whanaungatanga. Kāore e taea te whakatika i ngā take mena kāore e taea e koe te kōrero mō aua take. Tērā pea ka kitea e koe kei te huri haere koe i roto i ngā porowhita—ka haere tonu te pakanga kotahi nā te mea kāore ia e pai ki te kōrero tika mō taua mea, ki te kimi otinga hoki. Kei te āwangawanga rānei koe mō te heke mai nā te mea kāore ia e whakaū mena ka kite ia i tētahi heke mai me koe. E whakaahua ana ētahi wāhine i tēnei he whakaaro kei te mau tonu te whanaungatanga i roto i te koretake nā tana karo i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Mena ka arahina ia e ia ki te aukati, ki te ngaro rānei i roto i ngā kōrero nui katoa, ko tana koretake te mea e whakahaere ana i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. Ā, heoi anō, kāore te wahangu e whakaoti i tetahi mea.

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Nō reira, kua kitea e koe ētahi o ēnei tohu i roto i tō hoa. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe, "Āe, he maha ngā tohu kino. Me aha ahau mō tēnā?" Kaua e mataku. Ahakoa he kino te koretake o te kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea kāore he tumanako mō te heke mai tahi. Inaa, he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e pāngia ana e te āputa pakeketanga i tētahi wā, ā, ka taea e rātou te whakatere pai i taua āputa. Kia tutuki ai tēnā, me kite te hoa koretake i ōna hapa, me te haumi ki tōna ake tipu.

Kia maumahara, kāore e taea e koe te akiaki i tētahi kia pakeke i roto i te pō kotahi, engari ka taea e koe te whakatakoto rohe, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua, me te whakatau whai whakaaro mō tō ake oranga. Ehara i te mea ko te riri, ko te "whakaako" rānei i a ia kia huri. Kāore e mahi. Engari, arotahi ki te āhua o tō urupare me ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe. Anei ētahi rautaki whai hua e whitu hei āwhina i a koe ki te aro atu ki tēnei, me te tumanako ka akiaki i tētahi whanaungatanga pakari ake:

1. Whakaū i a ia kia whai kawenga 

Āraia te hiahia ki te "hurihuri" me te hipoki i ana hapa. Ahakoa he māmā ake te whakatika i ana raruraru, te whakamāori rānei i ana whanonga, ka taea e tēnā te koretake. Engari, tukua ia kia aro ki ngā hua tūturu o ana mahi. Hei tauira, ki te wareware ia i tētahi mea nui nā te koretake o tana mahi, kaua e whakatika aunoa māna. 

Tērā pea ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te tohu mārire i te wā e he ana ia, me te kore e whakaae ki tana whakawhiti whakapae. Ko te tikanga hoki ko te whakamutu i ngā whanonga "mātua" katoa kua mahia e koe, pērā i te whakamahara i a ia mō ngā mahi iti katoa, te whakapāha rānei ki ētahi atu mōna. Whakamuri, tukua ia kia wheako i ngā hua. I ētahi wā, ko te rongo i te mamae o ngā hua ka puta ko te ohorere e hiahiatia ana kia mōhio ai ia me pakeke ia.

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2. Kōrerohia ō hiahia me te mārama, me te marino hoki

Kaua e hamama ki a ia mō tōna koretake, ka ara ake ai te ātete, engari whakamahia te mārama, korero tuwhera mō te pānga o āna whanonga ki a koe. Kōwhiria he wā e marino ana ngā mea, ka whakamārama i ō kare ā-roto mā te whakamahi i ngā kōrero "ahau". Hei tauira, "Kei te mamae ahau, kei te mokemoke hoki ina whakakorehia e koe ōku kare ā-roto hei 'whakaari'. Me hiahia ahau ki tētahi hoa hei whakarongo, hei ngana hoki ki te mārama, ahakoa kāore māua e whakaae." 

Kia arotahi ki ngā whanonga, kaua ki ngā whakaeke whaiaro. E kī ana ngā tohunga whanaungatanga kia kaua e kōrero teka noa. Tērā pea kāore ia e mōhio ki te pānga o āna mahi ki a koe. Mā te whakamārama i ngā mea katoa, ka hoatu e koe he wā ki a ia kia whakaaroaro me te whakautu. Kia rite kei kore ia e aro ki te mea i te tīmatanga nā te mea he āhua tiaki ia. Engari he mea nui te whakato i te purapura.

Mō ngā whanaungatanga hauora kore

3. Whakaritea nga rohe hauora

Whakatauhia he aha tāu e whakaae ai, he aha hoki kāore e whakaae ai, kātahi ka piri ki tēnā. Tērā pea kei roto i ngā rohe ngā mea pēnei i, 

  • "Kāore au e whakaae kia hamamatia, kia whakatoihia rānei. Ki te tupu, ka wehe atu ahau i te āhuatanga." 
  • "Ki te whakapaua rawatia tā tātou tahua tahi mō ngā hoko ohorere, me whakahoki mai e koe ngā taonga, me whakatau rānei i ngā pūtea. Kāore au e utu." 

Te whakatakoto i nga rohe hauora He huarahi pai tēnei hei whakatau i tētahi tāne kāore anō kia pakari te hinengaro. Heoi, he mea nui ake te whakatinana i ngā rohe i ngā wā katoa. Nō reira, ki te mea i kī koe ka wehe atu koe i te rūma mēnā ka hamama ia, me mahi tonu ina nui tōna reo. Ki te mea i kī koe kāore e tuku moni nui, me pupuri ki tēnā. Mā tēnei ka whakaatu ki a ia kei te pono koe, ā, he rohe anō hoki āna mahi. E kī ana a Feuerman, "Ko ēnei rohe mō tō hauora, ā, ehara i te mea ko koe te kawenga mō te whakaora makutu i tōna koretake; ko koe te kawenga mō te pupuri i tō whakaute i a koe anō."

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Korearo i roto i ngā Hononga - Ngā Take, Ngā Tohu me Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakatutuki i te Manawanui

4. Whakaarohia he āwhina ngaio

I ētahi wā, kua tino pūmau ngā whanonga koretake, kua herea rānei ki ngā take matua pērā i te koretake o te māia, te mamae o mua, me ētahi atu. Ka taea e te tohunga te āwhina i a ia ki te kite me te whakatika i ēnei tauira i tētahi huarahi e kore e taea e koe te mahi, e kore hoki e tika kia mahia. He pai te whakaaro ki te whakaora i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, me te whakaaro he mahi tahi hei whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te whakatenatena rānei i a ia ki te kōrero takitahi ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro. 

Me whakatata atu ki tēnei me te tautoko, kaua e rite ki te kī "Me whai rongoā koe!" engari me kī "Ki taku whakaaro ka taea e te kaitohutohu te āwhina i a tātou ki te whakatau i ētahi o ēnei raruraru e puta tonu mai ana, me te whakaako i a tātou ki ngā huarahi pai ake hei whakahaere i aua raruraru." Mena he ātete ia, ka taea e koe te tīmata i te rongoā māu ake hei ārahi. He maha ngā wā, ina tīmata tetahi hoa ki te haere, ka nui ake te hiahia o tetahi ki te whakauru mai. Kia mahara, kāore e taea e koe te akiaki i tetahi kia huri, engari ka taea e koe te tuku atu i ngā taputapu me te whakaatu he mea nui ki a koe.

Pānui Āwhina Pai Ake

5. Whakatenatenahia te tipu whaiaro me te kawenga

E kore ia e huri hei tangata pakeke i roto i te pō kotahi, engari ka taea e koe te whakatenatena i a ia kia mahi i ngā mahi tika. Tautokohia ngā hiahia pai, ngā whanonga rānei e whakatairanga ana i te kawenga, te mōhio ki a ia anō, te aroha rānei. Hei tauira, ki te hiahia ia ki te pānui pukapuka, ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i tētahi tuhinga, pukapuka rānei e pā ana ki ngā whanaungatanga, ki te mātauranga kare ā-roto rānei. Ki te raru ia ki ngā pūkenga ora, whakatenatenahia ia kia ngana ki te mahi i ngā mea takitahi, me te mihi ina mahi ia. 

Me kī tātou ka piri ia ki tētahi tahua mō te kotahi marama. Whakaaturia te mihi ki āna mahi, ka whakakaha ake i te whanonga. Ko te mea nui me hiahia ia ki te whakapai ake. Kāore e taea e koe te akiaki i a ia kia huri, engari ka taea e koe te waihanga i tētahi taiao e kitea ai, e whakanuia ai hoki te tipu.

6. Kia manawanui, engari kia u tonu

Ki te whakatau koe ki te noho tonu me te mahi i te whanaungatanga, kia mōhio koe he roa te wā e hiahiatia ana mō te huringa. Me manawanui koe kia taea ai e ia te whakarere i ngā tau maha o ngā whanonga koretake. Whakanuia ngā wikitoria iti, me te mārama kei reira pea ngā hokinga mai. Heoi, ehara i te mea ko te manawanui te tikanga he noho mangere. Me noho pūmau hoki koe ki ō tumanakohanga me ō rohe. 

Me mārama, ahakoa e mārama ana koe he tukanga te tipu, kāore e whakaaetia ētahi whanonga, ā, me ahu whakamua ki te huarahi tika. Hei tauira, ka taea e koe te kī, "E mōhio ana ahau kei te ngana koe ki te kōrero pai ake, ā, e mihi ana ahau ki a koe. Kei konei ahau ki te mahi tahi i tēnei. Engari me mōhio koe mēnā ka haere tonu te hamama me te tawai pērā i mua, e kore ahau e taea te noho tonu ki tēnei." whanaungatanga mō te wā roa"E whakaū ana tēnei momo kōrero i te tautoko me te hiranga." 

Te pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Tauira o te Whakamahi Kino i roto i ngā Hononga

7. Whakaaetia te tipu

Ka pai te urupare a te tangata, tae atu ki ngā pakeke, ki ngā whakaū pai. Ina whakaatu tō hoa i ngā tohu o te pakeketanga, te whakapai ake rānei, kia mōhio, kia maioha hoki. I kōrero mārire ia mō tētahi take uaua, kaua e hamama? Me kī atu ki a ia te nui o te hiranga o tēnā ki a koe. I whai whakaaro ia ki tētahi whakatau, ki tētahi mahi rānei e karohia ana e ia? Me mihi nui ki a ia. Ehara tēnei i te mea hei whakangawari i a ia, hei hoatu rānei i ngā whetu koura mō ngā whanonga pakeke taketake. Engari he whakaū kei te kitea, kei te maiohatia hoki āna mahi, ā, e whakatenatena ana i a ia kia haere tonu. 

"Ka taea e ngā urupare pai te whakatenatena i a ia ki te mahi tonu i ngā huringa pai, me te whakaatu hoki kei te kitea, kei te whakanuia hoki ana mahi. Ka hangaia he taiao whakatenatena ake mō te tipu, kaua ki te porowhita whakahē tonu, ka taea ai e te tangata te ārai i a ia anō," te kī a Burns. 

Tohutohu Matua

  • Ko te pakeketanga te tūāpapa o ngā whanaungatanga hauora. Ka kawea mai e ia te pumau o te kare ā-roto, te kawenga, me te whakapau kaha mō te wā roa.
  • He maha ngā wā ka karo te tāne koretake i ngā kawenga, ka kore e aroha ki a ia, ka hiahia kia whakamanahia ia, ā, ka ātete ki te whanaungatanga piripono
  • Ko te whakatau i te koretake me whakatakoto he rohe, kaua e whakaae ki ngā whanonga kino, me te pupuri i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārama, marino hoki.
  • He taea te tipu, engari ki te mau tonu ngā tauira, ko te whiriwhiri i tō rangimārie i tō pūmanawa he mahi mana nui o te whakaute i a koe anō.

Thoughts Final

He tino hoha te mahi tahi me tētahi tāne koretake i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Me whakarite e koe tō oranga ki runga ake i ngā mea katoa. Ki te kore ia e aro ki te huringa, kāore e taea e koe anake te whakatika i tōna koretake. Tērā pea ka tae mai tētahi wā me whakatau koe mēnā kei te ranea te whanaungatanga māu. Ki te kore ia e pai ki te mahi hei hoa pakeke ake, hei hoa wātea hoki mō te kare ā-roto, tērā pea ka kitea e koe kāore te whanaungatanga i te hauora, i te makona rānei māu. He pai rawa te whakarite i a koe anō hei hoa matua, me te wehe atu i tētahi āhuatanga kāore e pai ake ana. I ētahi wā, ko te akoranga uaua rawa atu mō te pakeketanga mā ngā hoa e rua ko te mōhio kāore te aroha i te ranea mēnā ka kore tētahi e tipu.

I tētahi atu taha, he maha ngā whanaungatanga ka pai ake i te wā me te kaha. Ka taea te whakawhanake i te pakeketanga o te kare ā-roto, inā koa mēnā he tino aroha ia ki a koe, ā, e hiahia ana kia pai ake. Mā te mōhio ki ngā tohu me te whakamahi i ēnei rautaki, kei te hoatu e koe he whai wāhitanga ki tō whanaungatanga ki te whawhai. Ko tana whakatau ko te tū atu ki te wero. Kia mahara he tika ki a koe tētahi hoa e tūtaki ana ki a koe i tō taumata.

Te Whakahāwea i roto i ngā Hononga: Te Whanoke Paitini me Ārai e Koe

Ina Whakaaro te Wahine Kua Whakarērea ia i roto i te Hononga | Me Aha te Mahi

Kei te nui rawa taku whakaaro, kei te ngaro rānei tōna hiahia? 18 Ngā tohu hei āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.




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