Te Tawhiti o te Kare ā-roto: Te Tikanga, Ngā Take, Ngā Tohu, Me Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakatika

Ahakoa kei te tata tonu kōrua te tinana, kei te kite koe i tētahi āputa nui i waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa? Kei te āhua kore hiahia tō hoa ki te whakapau i te wā kounga? Kei te karohia e ia te whanaungatanga piripono? Ko te nuinga o ā kōrua kōrero e aro ana ki ngā mahi ā-tinana — ngā mahi, ngā kaupapa mahi, ngā mahi o te whare? Kei te āhua kua pau katoa ngā kaupapa hei kōrero? Mena ko te whakautu ki ēnei pātai he 'āe', tera pea kei te pāngia tō kōrua hononga e te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto.

E ai ki a Tākuta Jacqueline Olds, he tohunga hinengaro, he tohunga tātari hinengaro hoki, i roto i te The Harvard Gazette , "He rite tō nekehanga tai ki te tai o te tata me te marara, te tata me te marara [i roto i ngā whanaungatanga]... Ā, me whai 'whakaoho tawhiti' tētahi tangata kia kite ai i te marara kia taea ai te hono anō." Ā, e koa ana mātou i whakatangihia e koe te whakaoho.

Kāore e taea te noho tahi me tō hoa i ngā wā katoa. Heoi, he mea nui te mahi tahi ki te whakatū anō i taua hononga i muri i ngā wā o te momotu kia pai ai te whanaungatanga. Ki te kore tēnei e tupu tonu, he raruraru kei reira. Hei mārama ki ngā take, ngā tohu, me pēhea te whakatika i te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga, i kōrero mātou ki a Avantika Tripathi . He tohunga ia ki te manukanuka pāpori, te whakahaere ahotea, te aroātahi, me te tohutohu whanaungatanga mā te rongoā kare ā-roto me te tangata-e aro ana ki a ia.

He aha te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto?

I mua i te taenga atu ki ngā take me ngā tohu o te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga rānei, me mārama tātou ki te tikanga o te kupu. E whakamārama ana a Avantika , "Ko te tawhiti kare ā-roto he āhua e tīmata ai ngā hoa te wehe atu i a rātou anō. I ētahi wā, kāore rātou e mōhio kei te tawhiti kare ā-roto rātou. Ka kitea noa iho i te wā e nui haere ana, e kitea ana hoki ngā pakanga."

I roto i te poto, ko te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga e pā ana ki te āhua e ngoikore ana, e taupatupatu ana rānei te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto i waenga i ngā hoa. Ko ōna āhuatanga:

• He āhua wehe
• Te kore o te whanaungatanga me te piripono o ngā kare ā-roto
• Nga take whakawhitiwhiti korero
• Nga raruraru kaore i whakatauhia
• Ngā ahotea whaiaro
• Ētahi atu huringa nui o ngā whanonga whaiaro

Ka puta, ka āta whanake rānei tēnei nekehanga kare ā-roto, ā, ka ngāwari te wareware kia nui rawa te āputa. He maha ngā take mō tēnei tawhiti hinengaro, ko ētahi e pā ana ki tō hoa rangatira, ko ētahi e pā ana ki a koe anō. He mea kino te tuku i tēnei kia mau tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga. Koia te take he mea nui te mārama ki te tawhiti kare ā-roto me ōna take.

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He aha ngā take o te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga?

E kī ana a Avantika, "He maha ngā take e kore ai e hono ngā hoa i a rātou anō. Ko te kore e whakapau kaha ki te pupuri i te hononga, te mawhiti i ngā raruraru, me te kore e pai ki te whakaoti rapanga whanaungatanga he mea noa. Ka puta ake anō hoki i ngā raruraru o ia rā pēnei i ngā raruraru mahi me ngā raruraru pūtea, ka puta ai te raruraru o te whanaungatanga."

He maha ngā wā ka puta te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi hononga roa, i tētahi marena rānei, i roto i te wā roa. Ahakoa he mea noa tēnei, mā te mārama ki ngā take ka āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te tautuhi me te whakatika i ngā take e pā ana ki te whanaungatanga i mua i te arahi atu ki ngā wero e kore e taea te whakakore. Anei ētahi take noa o te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi hononga roa:

1. Kei raro tonu koe i te ahotea

"Ka taea e ngā āhuatanga o waho pēnei i te ahotea mahi, te pēhanga pūtea, ngā raruraru whānau rānei te whai wāhi ki te mamae o te ngākau, ka arahi ki te tawhiti i waenga i ngā hoa. He maha ngā wā, kua pāngia kētia tētahi hoa e ngā take e puta ai te ahotea, te pouri rānei, ka hua ake te kore o te ngākau nui ki te whakapau kaha ki tētahi mea tae atu ki te whanaungatanga. Ka taea hoki e tēnei te puta te tawhiti o te ngākau i waenga i te tokorua," te kī a Avantika.

Ka aha koe ina ahotea tonu koe?

• Ka pā kino te ahotea mau tonu ki tō hauora tinana me tō oranga ngākau
• Ka whakangaro i te kounga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ā, kāore e toe he wāhi mō herenga aronganui
• Kei te mataara tonu tō tinana, kei roto rānei i te aratau whawhai-rere rānei
• Ka noho hei tikanga, hei huarahi noho hoki te matara atu i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe ina pāngia tonutia koe e te ahotea

I a ia e kōrero ana mō tētahi kōrero a te kiritaki, e kī ana a Avantika, "Nō nā tata nei, i te mea kua tawhiti te whanaungatanga o tētahi kiritaki. I kōrero ia mō te ahotea kei roto i a ia me tana hoa mahi, me te whakapau kaha o rāua ki te whakahaere i te whanaungatanga, ahakoa te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto i waenganui i a rāua. E toru marama katoa te roa hei whakahoki mai i a rāua ki te taha kare ā-roto, hei whakamōhio ake hoki i a rāua me pēhea te whakakī i te āputa i waenganui i a rāua mēnā ka hoki anō mai ki roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga."

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2. He nui rawa tō hiahia, he tawhiti rawa rānei koe

I roto i ngā whanaungatanga, mā te whakaaro he nui rawa te hiahia o te hoa, he tawhiti rānei, ka tīmata he huringa kino. Koinei te āhua:

• I te tīmatanga, ka puta te hiahia o te hoa ki te wehe atu i te kare ā-roto, ki te karo rānei
• Ka hua ake tēnei i ngā tono nui mō ngā whakamārama
• Ko te hua o tēnei pana me te kukume ka nui ake te wehenga o ngā kare ā-roto
• Ā tōna wā, ka wehe rawa te hoa, i te wehi kei whakahengia anō
• Ka whakanui ake tēnei wehenga i te mamae o te ngākau, ka whai wāhi atu ki te huringa o te pikinga o ngā whakahē me te kore makona.
• Mā tēnei ka panaia ngā hoa mahi kia tawhiti atu

Mā te manukanuka e puta mai ana i te huringa o ngā whanaungatanga ka hoki mai ngā maharatanga o ngā patunga hohonu, o ngā whara rānei, inā koa mō te hunga he hītori o ngā raruraru piripono, he whanaungatanga kino rānei o mua. Mena kei te āhua tawhiti tō wahine, tō tāne rānei, kei te āwangawanga rānei koe kei wehe atu tō hoa, kei te ngana rānei koe ki te wehe atu i a koe i tētahi i whara i a koe, ko ngā ngana ki te whakahoki mai i taua hononga ka arahi pea ki te wehenga atu, ā, ka nui ake te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto.

3. Kāore anō kia whakatauhia he pakanga me he whakahē i roto i te whanaungatanga

I roto i te whanaungatanga, he mea maori te kore e maioha ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō hoa. Heoi, ko te whakahē i a rātou mō ngā āhuatanga e wero ana i a koe he tohu i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga hohonu ake, ā, ka arahi pea ki ngā take whakaaro iti ki a koe anō me te kino ki tō hononga kare ā-roto, ahakoa kei te tuku, kei te whiwhi rānei koe i ngā whakahē. Ka tupu te whanaungatanga hauora mā te whakaae ki ngā āhuatanga pai o tō hoa, me te whakarato hoki i tētahi wāhi haumaru ki a rātou ki te whakatere tahi i ngā wero.

Ko tētahi atu āhuatanga o tēnei ko te pakanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, e whakatupu ana i te taumahatanga, e whai wāhi ana ki te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te pōrearea koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kei te raru rānei koe i ngā kare ā-roto pēnei i te "kāore taku tāne e wātea ana ki te kare ā-roto" me te "kei te wehe kē māua ko taku wahine", tera pea nā tō kore e pai ki te whai wāhi ki ngā kōrero tuwhera mō ngā kaupapa tairongo. Anei tētahi whakarāpopototanga o ngā mea e pakaru ai te whakawhirinaki me te hanga arai ki te hononga kare ā-roto:

• Ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe kāore anō kia whakatauhia, kei te haere tonu rānei
• Te mamae o mua
• Te whakahē tonu, kāore e whai hua ana
• He whakahē tika e wero ana i ngā whakapono matua

Ka kite koe i te āhua o te whakararuraru i te whanaungatanga kino ina kore e aro ki te whanaungatanga, ka arahi atu ki te wehenga atu i te whanaungatanga. He tohu tēnei mō tētahi huringa kino o ngā raruraru whanaungatanga hohonu ake.

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4. Ko te momotu kare ā-roto pea e tohu ana he nui ngā raruraru hototahi kei a koe

Ko tētahi atu take e whakatārewatia ai koe e te tangata e arohaina ana e koe ko te kore hototahi. Anei te āhua e hanga ai i te tawhiti kare ā-roto:

• Te mōhiotanga kua ngaro: Ina nui rawa ngā rerekētanga e mau tonu ana, tera pea ka uaua ki ngā hoa te pupuri i te piripono kare ā-roto i pā ki a rātou i mua.
• Te mokemoke: Mā te mōhio kāore ngā matea me ngā tumanakohanga matua e tutuki, kāore rānei te tokorua i te tino hoa, ka puta ake ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri me te mokemoke.
• Te pōhēhē me te kore aroha: Tērā pea ka uaua ki ngā hoa te mārama tetahi ki tetahi, i runga i ngā kōwhiringa me ngā tirohanga

Ko te hononga tuatahi e ārahi ana i te tini o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki ngā whanaungatanga nui, engari i te memeha haere o te whanaungatanga hou, ka puta ake pea ngā rerekētanga i ētahi āhuatanga, pēnei i:

• whāinga
• Ngā kaupapa matua
• Te tumanako
• Te oranga
• Aroha nga reo
• Te momo korero

I te roanga o te wā, ka pāngia te hononga kare ā-roto i waenga i ngā hoa e ēnei raruraru rerekētanga, ā, ka uaua ki te pupuri i te whanaungatanga piripono.

5. He nui ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga

E kī ana a Avantika, "Ka hua ake te korenga o te whanaungatanga piripono i te korenga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ā, koinei tētahi o ngā tino take o te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto. Ka taea e ia te hanga mārire i tētahi āputa mārama, ka mawhiti atu te tangata, ā, kāore e kite i te hiahia ki te whakakapi i taua āputa." Tērā pea koinei te take e ahua tawhiti ana tō wahine, tō tāne rānei, e wehe ana rānei koe i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe.

Kia tūpato ki ēnei tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero:

• Te kore e rawaka te whakarongo hohe
• Te kore o te whakapuakitanga o ngā kare ā-roto
• Te karo i nga korero uaua
• Kāore e noho tahi ana
• Te kore korero mā te rerekētanga rānei o te momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ka arahi pea ki ngā māramatanga kore i waenganui i ngā hoa mahi

Ka whai wāhi atu ēnei take ki ngā matea kare ā-roto kāore i tutuki. Mēnā ka rongo te hoa kāore ia e rangona, kāore rānei i te mārama ki a ia, ka taea e ia te wehe atu i a ia anō kia kore ai e pāngia e te pouri, e te pouri rānei. Mā tēnei tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero koretake ka whakawhanaunga te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i te wā, ka arahi atu ki ngā take nui ake ka tohu pea i te hiahia mō tētahi kaitohutohu whanaungatanga.

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7 Ngā Tohu Whakamataku o te Tawhiti Kare ā-roto i roto i tō Hononga

Nā te mea kua kōrerohia e tātou ngā take o te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga, me kōrero tātou me pēhea te kite i ngā tohu tōmua. He mea nui te mōhio ki ngā tohu o te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto hei whakatika i ngā take matua, hei mahi hoki ki tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Anei ētahi tohu whakamataku e whitu e whakaatu ana kei te pāngia koe e te nekenekehanga o te kare ā-roto i roto i tō hononga aroha:

1. Kāore he whanaungatanga ā-tinana, ā-aroha hoki

E whakamārama ana a Avantika, "Ko tētahi o ngā tohu kua noho tawhiti koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko te ngaro haere o te whanaungatanga piripono me te aroha. Ina kore e kitea he aroha, he kore rānei he whakaaturanga aroha o tētahi ki tētahi, ka pouri pea tētahi o ngā hoa. Ā, ka hua ake tēnei i ngā raruraru tawhiti me te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga."

He hononga tata ngā wero o te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto ki ngā uauatanga o te piripono tinana me te aroha. Ka pakaru te hononga tahi i waenga i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto me te whanaungatanga tinana ina uru te tawhiti kare ā-roto ki te whārite. Tērā pea ka memeha haere te hononga oraora i mua. Ko ngā whakapuakitanga o te aroha, ina kōrerotia noa, tērā pea ka memeha haere - he tohu mārama o te wehenga kare ā-roto.

Anei ngā tauira whanonga e tohu ana i te mamae, i te riri rānei, e whakaatu ana i te hononga ā-tinana me te hononga ā-hinengaro:

• He oranga moepuku whakahihiri
• Te kore o ngā tohu aroha
• Te karo i te pā o te tinana
• Te hoki whakamuri mai i ngā kihi
• Te hoki whakamuri i te wā e awhi ana
• Te korenga o te kupu "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe"

2. Mena kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga tawhiti-hinengaro, kāore ō hiahia e tutukihia ana

He uaua te whakamihi, te whakapuaki, me te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi i te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto. He aha te pānga o tēnā ki tētahi tokorua? Kia titiro tātou:

• Te riri: Ka tūtaki kōrua ki te kore taurite i a kōrua e ngana ana ki te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi, ā, he maha ngā wā ka ara ake ngā kare ā-roto o te manukanuka te mauahara i roto i te whanaungatanga
• Nga whakamatautauranga: Ka tīmata koe ki te rapu i ngā hiahia tinana me ngā hiahia kare ā-roto i waho o te hononga. He uaua te whakatika i te tawhiti kare ā-roto i muri i te puremu.
• Ngā tumanakohanga kāore i te ōrite: I ahu mai tēnei i ngā rerekētanga kāore i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrerohia, ā, ka nui ake te raruraru.
• Waiho: He mea nui tonu ki tō hoa te noho tahi me ia, kaua ki ōu ake hiahia, ā, kāore ia e aro nui ki tō oranga tinana.

E kī ana a Avantika, "Ina tīmata ngā hoa tawhiti kare ā-roto ki te wareware i ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi, ka puta he pouri puku. Ka taea e koe te whakapono kāore he tikanga ki te kōrero mō tō pouri ki tō hoa, nō reira ka tīmata koe ki te wehe atu i ngā kare ā-roto. Ka nui ake te tawhiti i runga i te hinengaro me te kare ā-roto."

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3. Kāore kōrua e whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto, i ō āwangawanga rānei ki a kōrua

Ko koe te tangata i kōrerotia ai ngā mea katoa e tō hoa, engari ināianei ka puritia e rāua ō rāua kare ā-roto. Ina pātai atu koe, kāore rāua e whakapuaki mai. Ā, te āhua nei kei te huna ā-ringa rāua i ō rāua kare ā-roto i a koe, kia kore ai koe e māharahara. Ki te karo kōrua, tō hoa rānei i te kōrero mō ō kare ā-roto me ō āwangawanga, he tohu tēnā o te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto, ā, ka arahi pea ki ngā māramatanga kore me ngā whakapae mō ngā whakaaro me ngā mahi a tētahi ki tētahi.

4. Te āhua nei kua ngaro tō hiahia ki te whanaungatanga

E whakaatu ana tētahi rangahau , i roto i te whakawhanaketanga o ngā whanaungatanga, ka whakamahia e te tangata te whakaaturanga i a rātou anō hei whakanui ake i te whanaungatanga mā te whānuitanga (te maha o ngā kaupapa), te hōhonutanga (te nui o te whanaungatanga i roto i ngā taunekeneke), me te paerewa o te tauutuutu (ina herea te kaiwhakautu ki te whakaatu i tētahi mea i te taumata kotahi o te whanaungatanga hei pupuri i te paerewa, i te ōritetanga rānei).

Nō reira, ki te kore tō hoa e aro ki tō oranga, he tohu tēnei kei tawhiti koe i te ngākau. Ki te memeha haere tēnei hiahia, he āwangawanga tēnei nā te mea he hononga aroha me te whakahoahoa te hononga hauora . Ka puta te raruraru o te whanaungatanga i roto i ēnei huarahi e whai ake nei:

• Te kore e aro ki te oranga o tō hoa, ā, ka kino te turanga o tō kōrua whakahoahoa
• Ngā kōrero taha-kotahi
• Ka āraihia ngā ngana ki te whakapau i te wā kounga tahi
• Te tipu haere o te wairua mokemoke
• Te karo i ngā kōrero
• Te wehe atu i ngā mahi i tohaina i mua
• Te kore e pai ki te whakamahere tahi i te heke mai

5. Kāore i a koe te tautoko kare ā-roto me te aroha o tō hoa

Ina rapu nui koe i te aro o tō hoa, ā, ina whakapuaki koe i ō kare ā-roto mā te riri, mā te tangi rānei, ka taea e tō rātou ngoikore te mea kia kore ai koe e whai tikanga. Engari he aha te mea ka arahi ki tēnei wā tino nui ka tono koe i tā rātou aro i tēnei ara?

He mea nui te aroha, te mārama, me te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi ki tētahi i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa. Ko te kore o te aroha he tohu i te pakaru o te hononga kare ā-roto , e whakaatu ana i te kore e taea, te kore rānei e pai o te hoa ki te mārama ki ō kare ā-roto. Ko te kore o te haumi kare ā-roto ka arahi pea ki te kore tautoko, ka waiho ngā tāngata tokorua kia noho mokemoke, kia warewarehia hoki i ngā wā uaua.

Ko te tikanga, ko te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora e whakawhirinaki ana ki te manaaki i te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi. E kī ana a Avantika, "Ahakoa he whanaungatanga, he marena rānei, ki te kore ngā hoa e mahi tahi ana i roto i ngā āhuatanga nui o te ao, ka hua ake he tawhiti nui o te kare ā-roto me te kino, ā, ka whai ake ko te ngakaukore me te raruraru o te kare ā-roto."

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6. Ngā tohu noa o te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto: Kei te karo koe i ngā pakanga me ngā kōrero uaua

He maha ngā wā ka puta te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto mai i ngā pakanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia. Akene ka hiahia koe ki te whakatika i ngā pakanga me ngā whakahē i roto i tō whanaungatanga, engari tirohia mēnā ka tauhohe tō hoa i roto i tētahi o ēnei huarahi e whai ake nei:

• Te āhua nei kāore rātou e hiahia ana ki te whakatau
• Kāore rātou i te riri, i te pōuri rānei, engari he koretake noa iho
• Ina ngana koe ki te kōrero mō ngā take, ka whakautu mai rātou me te aue, te huri rānei i ngā kanohi

He mea noa te pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, engari ko te pakanga hauora he whakaae me te whakatau. Mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera ka puta te whakawhirinaki me te māramatanga, ā, ki te kore, ka puranga ake ngā take iti. Nō reira, ki te karo tetahi o ngā hoa i ngā kōrero uaua, he tohu tēnā o te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto.

7. He nui tō wā mokemoke, he wā wehe rānei

He uaua pea ngā whanaungatanga, me whai wā tika mō te noho tahi me te wā wehe. Ki te kite koe i a kōrua ko tō hoa e noho wehe ana, e noho mokemoke ana rānei, tera pea he tohu tēnei kei tawhiti atu ō kōrua kare ā-roto. I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga manaaki, e hiahia ana te tangata ki te:

• Kia noho tahi
• Kia nui ake ngā wā e noho tahi ai koe
• Tīmatahia ngā waea
• Whakamahia ngā kōrerorero ataata kia tata ake ai te wairua
• Tukua he karere tetahi ki tetahi

He pono rawa tēnei mō ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti. Mēnā he tawhiti ngā kare ā-roto, ka pai ake pea te wā mokemoke o ngā hoa i ngā wheako tahi, ā, ka iti ake te kounga o te wā tahi. Mā te whiriwhiri i ngā mahi takitahi, mā te rapu huarahi rānei hei karo i a rātou anō, ka kaha ake te āputa kare ā-roto, ka puta ai ngā kare ā-roto o te wehenga me te mokemoke i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Me pēhea te wikitoria i te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto?

Ki ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine he pai te titiro ki tō rāua whanaungatanga hei raupapa o ngā 'wā' kaua hei haerenga tonu. Mā tēnei tirohanga ka puta he tirohanga hou, ā, ka ārai i ngā whakatau tere mō te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. Mā te mōhio kei te tata mai he wā hou, ka whakaitihia te hiahia ki te whakaoti rapanga wawe, ā, ka taea e ngā hoa te mahi i ngā mahi whai whakaaro ki te huarahi pai.

Ka āta whanake haere te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto, nō reira me whai wā, me whakapau kaha hoki kia hono anō ai. Me whakapau kaha, me whakapau kaha hoki kōrua ki te whakatika i tēnei raruraru. He wā noa iho pea te tawhiti o tō hoa, engari he huarahi hei whakatata atu i a rāua. Tirohia ēnei rautaki hei whakatika i te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga:

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te kore e noho mokemoke ina takakau koe, e rapu ana hoki i te aroha

1. Whakaarohia te āhua o roto, me te ngana ki te rapu i te pūtake o te tawhiti kare ā-roto

Whakaarohia ō ake kare ā-roto me ō hiahia i roto i te whanaungatanga. He take kei roto e whai wāhi ana ki ō whakapae, ki ō āwangawanga, ki ō pōuri rānei? Kia kitea e koe te pūtake o te tawhiti kare ā-roto, ka taea e koe te tīmata i ngā mahi hei hanga anō i te hononga kare ā-roto, i te mea kua piripono ngā hoa tokorua. Kei roto pea i tēnei:

• Te whakatapua i te wā ki ngā kōrero whai tikanga
• Te whai wāhi atu ki ngā mahi tahi
• Te whakapuaki i te maioha tetahi ki tetahi
• Te haere ki waho i ngā rā
• Mahi nga mahi o te whare tahi

E ai ki a Allen Barton, te kaiārahi o tētahi rangahau i te tau 2023 , ko te whakawhetai "he wāhanga nui o te panga o ngā whanaungatanga aroha kāore i tino arohia i roto i ngā rangahau tae noa ki ēnei wā tata nei. Ā, i roto i ngā whanaungatanga takirua, ehara i te mea ko te maioha 'mō' tō hoa anake engari ko te whakaaro hoki kei te maioha 'tō hoa'."

2. Rapua te rongoā a te tokorua hei whakatau i te whanaungatanga tawhiti ā-hinengaro

E whakamārama ana a Avantika, "Ka taea e te rongoā te āwhina i a koe ki te tīmata ki te kite i ngā take e puta ai te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto me ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei wikitoria i te raruraru. Ka āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ake i ngā mea, ā, ka whakakī i a koe ki te pai me te hihiri ki te mahi i te raruraru. Ko te Rongoā Whakawhitiwhiti Kōrero, te Whakahohenga Whanoke, te CBT, me ngā rongoā e aro ana ki te tohutohu a te tokorua, ka āwhina nui ki te whakaiti me te rongoā i te pakaru o te whanaungatanga me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero."

He tino āwhina te tūhura i te rongoā mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine , te hinengaro haumanu rānei. Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te āwhina ki te hura i ngā take o te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, me te taunaki i ngā mahi hononga whaiaro, ka waihanga i te pūmanawa mō:

• Pānga pai pumau
• Te whakarei ake i nga pukenga korero
• Te whakapakari i te here
• Te whakatipu i ngā kare ā-roto o te aro me te ngākau nui
• He tukanga whakaora maeneene ake mā kōrua, takitahi, mā kōrua tahi hoki

Mena kei roto koe i tētahi āhuatanga ōrite, ka taea e koe te whakapā atu ki te rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana me te wheako o Bonobology mō te āwhina.

3. Kōrerohia he kōrero tuwhera, he kōrero pono hoki

E whakamārama ana a Avantika, "Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te tikanga pai rawa atu hei aro atu me te whakaora i te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto i waenga i ngā hoa. He nui ake te kōrero, me te whakaatu i te āwangawanga, ā, e rongo ana tō hoa e rangona ana, e kitea ana hoki. He maha ngā wā, ina kore te tangata e rongo ana, e rangona ana rānei, ka hoki whakamuri rātou i roto i te hinengaro, ā, kāore e whakapuaki i ō rātou kare ā-roto mō te whārite katoa."

Ko Mel, he kaipānui pukapuka Bonobology, 29 tau te pakeke nō Utah, e kōrero ana mō ā rāua mahi hei whakaora me te whakatairanga i te hononga kare ā-roto i roto i tā rāua marena, "I te nuinga o te wā, i pai ake te noho tawhiti atu o taku tāne makariri i ngā raruraru. Nā tēnei, i tawhiti ake ia i a ia anō. Āta haere, ka ako māua ki te kōrero i roto i te huarahi e pai ai māua ki te aro katoa tetahi ki tetahi. I ako māua mō ō māua tirohanga i roto i tētahi huarahi hou."

Ki te mea kei te pāngia koe e te raruraru "kāore taku tāne e wātea ana ki te taha hinengaro" pērā i a Mel, kaua e whakaaro noa iho, ngana ki te:

• Whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera ki tō hoa
• Tuhia ō kare ā-roto me ō āwangawanga i roto i te āhua marino, kaua e tautohetohe
• Mahi tahi ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinakitanga
• Kia mārama, kia piripono hoki tetahi ki tetahi

Pānui e pā ana: Ngā Tohutohu mō te Marena Harikoa ina He Tangata Tawhiti Ngākau Koe

4. Whakamātauria, ā, whakaatuhia te hiahia nui ki te whakatika i te hononga

E ai ki a Avantika, "He maha ngā wā, ina kore ngā hoa e whakaatu i te hiahia ki te ako mō te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi, ka nui te tawhiti. Nō reira, ngana ki te mōhio ki ngā āhuatanga maha o tō rātou oranga pērā i te tipu, te korenga, te harikoa, me te pouri. Mā tēnei ka āwhina i ngā hoa e rua ki te whakahoki mai i te piripono me te pai e ngaro ana i roto i te whanaungatanga."

E whakamārama ana ia, "He maha ngā wā ka mutu te whakapau kaha a te tangata ki tētahi whanaungatanga , me te whakaaro ka taea e ia te mau tonu me te tipu ake i a ia anō, koia te take e uru mai ai te tawhiti ki roto i tō whanaungatanga. Kia maumahara, ko te whakapau kaha he tohu kei te aroha tonu koe ki tō hoa kua tawhiti atu i te kare ā-roto."

5. Arotahi ki ō whāinga, ā, tiakina koe anō

Kia taurite ō mahi, ā, kaua e whakaatu i te hiahia nui ki te whakatutuki i te hononga kare ā-roto e hiahiatia ana e koe. He mea nui te waihanga wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga . I ētahi wā, mā te whakaatu i te ngakaukore ka pana atu tō hoa. Arotahi ki te tipu whaiaro me ō hiahia, me te tuku wā ki te whai wāhi.

Mā te tū motuhake koe e whakatata atu ai ki tō hoa. Ina kite tō hoa kei te aro nui rawa koe ki a rātou, ki ā rātou wawata rānei, tera pea te āhua nei kei te wareware koe ki ō ake hiahia. Ahakoa kei tawhiti tō hoa aroha i te taha kare ā-roto, tohaina he wā mō ngā mahi e pai ana koe, ā, kia kaha ki te whakatutuki i ō whāinga whaiaro. Ka maioha tō hoa ki te kite i tō kaha whaiaro me te kore e tino whakawhirinaki ki a rātou.

"Ka pāngia tonutia te kounga o te whanaungatanga e ngā āhuatanga o waho. E pāngia ana te tokorua e te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i ō rāua oranga, neke atu i te kotahi te wā. He mea e kore e taea te karo i tēnei āhuatanga nā ngā take maha. Engari, ki te whai whakaaro ngā hoa ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru, ka taea e rātou te wikitoria i tētahi tawhiti e pā mai ana i waenganui i a rāua," te whakatau a Avantika i ana tirohanga mō te whakatika i te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Kia maumahara noa ki tēnei: ​​Ki te kore e arohia te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga rānei, ka pā he kino nui. Ahakoa he uaua, he roa hoki te wā e pau ana ki te whakatika, ehara i te mea ko te mutunga o te whanaungatanga . Mena kei te raru koe i tēnei wā i te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto, ko te tatari kia ea, ehara pea i te huarahi tino whai hua. Ko te whakataurite i waenga i te piripono kare ā-roto me te pupuri i te mana motuhake te kī ki te hononga aroha.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.