Ina rongo koe i te memeha haere o te whanaungatanga piripono, ka nui te pātai mō ngā pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira ki tō hoa rangatira. Koinei te tohu tuatahi kua tata te hinga o tō whanaungatanga? Kua hinga kē rānei? Ka taea te hoki mai i te whanaungatanga kore-ira me te whakahoki mai i te whanaungatanga piripono?
He tika ēnei pātai katoa, ā, he maha ngā wā ka hono ngā whakautu ki te pūtake o te kore moepuku. Ki te kore te memeha o te whanaungatanga piripono e puta mai i ngā āhuatanga koiora tūturu pēnei i te hekenga o te hiahia taikaha, i te koroheketanga rānei, ka tino pāngia te ngākau e ngā hua o te whanaungatanga kore moepuku.
I kōrero mātou ki te kaiwhakaora hinengaro, ki a Tākuta Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), he tohunga ia ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-roto, kia mārama ai ki ētahi o ngā pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira kāore i te tino mōhiotia, me whakarite ngā tāne me ngā wāhine.
7 Ngā Take Tino Noa mō ngā Hononga Kore-Ira Tangata
Ripanga o Ihirangi
I mua i te whakaaro nui ki ngā tūponotanga o te marena kore-ira tangata kei roto i a kōrua ko tō hoa, me hohonu ake tā tātou rapunga i te tikanga o tēnei. Ko te whakamāramatanga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata ko te kōrero a te tokorua i roto i te hononga aroha kua moe tahi rāua kotahi, e rua rānei ngā wā, kāore rānei i moe tahi i roto i te tau neke atu.
I te mea he wāhanga nui te taatai i roto i te whanaungatanga piripono i waenga i ngā hoa aroha, ko te iti haere o te whanaungatanga piripono ka pā ki te whanaungatanga. Hei mārama ki ngā pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira ki te whanaungatanga aroha, me titiro tuatahi koe ki te take o tēnei ia. I te nuinga o te wā, ko ēnei take matua ka whakatau mēnā ka tūpono te heke mai o te tokorua i te korenga o te whanaungatanga piripono.
Anei ngā take matua e whitu mō ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira e tinei ai te ahi o ngā ahuareka o te kikokiko:
- Te ahua hinengaro: Ka pā kino te ahotea, te manukanuka, me ngā āwangawanga pūtea ki te libido
- Taupatupatu kāore anō kia whakatauhia: Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e pāngia ana e ngā raruraru kāore anō kia whakatauhia, he iti ake te tūponotanga ki te moe tāne me te wahine
- Te whakaiti i te hiahia moepuku: Kāore he ira tangata o tētahi, o ngā hoa tokorua rānei, kua ngaro rānei tō rāua hiahia moepuku
- Ngā ngoikoretanga o te whanaungatanga: Te tinihanga i roto i te ahua o te moepuku, te kare ā-roto, te te puremu moni kei roto hoki i ngā take o te whanaungatanga kore-ira
- Ngā huringa koiora nui: Ko te hapūtanga, te whānautanga, te wā i mua i te menopause, te menopause, te kore taurite o ngā homoni, te ngoikore o te ure me te koroheketanga ētahi o ngā āhuatanga koiora noa e pā ana ki te hiahia moepuku.
- Nga ahuatanga ora: Ka noho pea te moe tāne ki muri i te wā e pouri ana tetahi, e rua rānei o ngā hoa mō te matenga o tētahi e arohaina ana. Waihoki, ka pā kino te hauātanga, te whara, ngā aituā rānei ki tō oranga moe tāne.
- Ngā waranga: Ahakoa te momo waranga, ahakoa ki te waipiro, ki ngā raau taero, ki ngā mahi pono rānei, ka pā kino ki te mahi moepuku.
- He whanaungatanga taha-kotahi kore-ira: Tērā pea kei te tino heke tō aroha, ā, kei te wehe kē koe i a koe me tō hoa. Ka taea e tēnei te arahi ki ngā kare ā-roto o te aroha taha kotahi, ka nui ake te kino o te whanaungatanga kore-ira.
He pānga tika ēnei āhuatanga ki ngā pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira ka pā ki a kōrua hei tokorua. E kī ana te tohunga ira tangata a Tākuta Rajan Bhonsle , "He rerekē te wheako o te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga kore-ira i te 30 tau te pakeke i te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga i te 60 tau te pakeke. Mena kua neke atu i te tekau tau, e rua rānei te roa o te oranga ira tangata o te tokorua, ka ngāwari noa iho te aro atu ki te hekenga o te whanaungatanga piripono. Ina koa, mena nā ngā take koiora e kore e taea te karo."
"Heoi, ki te mea ko ngā take he raruraru whanaungatanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ā, kei te hiahia tonu tetahi o te hoa ki te moepuku engari kāore tetahi, koinei te wā ka kino rawa atu ngā hua o te whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata. He rite tonu te raruraru o te whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata taha-kotahi."
9 Ngā Pānga o te Hononga Kore-Ira Tangata Kāore he Kōrero mōna
He nui ake te noa o ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira i tā tātou e whakaaro nei. He rangahau i ahu mai i tētahi Rangahau Hapori Whānui i te US, i reira 19% o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i kī kei roto rātou i ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira i hono tika i te hononga moepuku ki ngā taumata harikoa. I runga i tēnei, ka nui ake te tika ki te whakamārama i te āhua o tētahi whanaungatanga kore-ira.
E ai ki a Tākuta Aman, "Ko te kore whakapono me te tinihanga tētahi o ngā hua tino kitea o tētahi whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata. Ko te hoa kāore i te makona i ōna hiahia moepuku, he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro he tika kia rapua e rātou he ngākau harikoa i waho o te marena."
"Heoi, ehara i te mea koinei anake te pānga o ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata me āwangawanga ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. He maha atu anō ngā pānga e huna ana i raro i te whāriki kia tīmata rā anō te pā kino ki te whanaungatanga. He maha anō hoki ngā raruraru e pā ana ki te pānga o te marena kore-ira tangata ki te wahine, ā, he maha ngā wā ka warewarehia."
He mārama, he nui ngā tūponotanga o te marena kore-ira tangata, o te whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata rānei. Nō reira, ki te whakaaro koe kei te memeha haere te kaha o te moepuku i roto i tō whanaungatanga, me whakaoho. Anei ētahi whakamārama mō ngā pānga e iwa o te whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata kāore i te tino mōhiotia, kāore nei i te kōrerotia e tetahi:
1. Te pikinga o te riri i roto i ngā tāne
E kī ana a Tākuta Aman, "Ko tētahi o ngā pānga tino kitea o te whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata ki ngā tāne ko te riri. Ki ngā tāne, he hiahia tinana ake te taatai, kaua ki te hiahia kare ā-roto. He rite ki te mākūkū. Whakaarohia te kore e taea te rakuraku i taua mākūkū. Ka waiho te tangata kia pōuri, kia riri hoki."
"Nō reira, ina kore ngā tāne e whiwhi i te nui o te moepuku i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka tīmata rātou ki te riri ki ā rātou hoa. Ka kitea tēnei i roto i ngā tawai me ngā kōrero mamae pēnei i te 'Āe, kua pakeke rawa koe inaianei' me te 'Kāore koe i te pai noa iho', i te nuinga o te wā i te aroaro o te marea. Engari he rerekē te pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira ki te wahine. Ko ngā wāhine, ka tautohe me pēhea rātou e kukume ai, e tahuri ai rānei i te hoa kāore he kōrero pai mō rātou."
Ko te tohutohu a Tākuta Aman mō ngā tāne mō te marena kore ira tangata, me rapu āwhina ngaio hei rapu huarahi hei whakatuwhera i ngā hongere whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō tēnei take pāwera.
Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te ora i roto i te marena kore ira tangata me te kore tinihanga
2. Ngā tūponotanga o te marena kore-ira me te pouri
He whanaungatanga kore-ira i te 30 tau te pakeke? Te moe i te taha o tētahi wahine kāore e hiahia ana ki te piripono ki a koe? Ka pāngia pea tō hauora hinengaro e ēnei raruraru mō te wā roa.
Nā te mea kua mau ia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata nā te kore ōrite o ngā hiahia moepuku, kāore a Mathew i te rite ki a ia anō i ngā wā tata nei. I kite tana hoa, a Sofie, kua nui haere te wā e noho ana ia i roto i tōna moenga, he noho motuhake, he motu ke hoki i te ao e karapoti ana i a ia.
I muri i ngā marama e ngana ana, ka taea e ia te whakatenatena i a ia ki te rapu rongoā, ā, i reira ka kitea e te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro he hononga tō rāua whanaungatanga kore-ira me te pouri. Ko te ahua ngoikore, ngā whakaaro pouri, me te kore hihiri, he tohu katoa ēnei o te pouri, ka puta pea i te whanaungatanga kore-ira.
3. Te whakaroa i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero
Ko tētahi o ngā hua o te marena kore-ira tangata ko te pānga o te piripono ki a kōrua ina pāngia tō kōrua whanaungatanga ā-tinana. Ko ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te marena, i te hononga roa rānei, ka uru pea ki ngā pānga tika o te whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata. Ina mutu te piripono ā-ira tangata ki tō hoa, ka nui ake te uaua o te kōrero tetahi ki tetahi.
Nō reira, ka mutu ā kōrua kōrero ki te kōrero mō ngā mea tino nui pēnei i ngā pire, ngā ratonga, ngā kai, ngā mahere pāpori, me ētahi atu mea iti o te oranga o ia rā. Ka mutu ā kōrua kōrero ki te kōrero mō te rārangi hoko kai, mō te pire hiko rānei. Ko ngā kōrero aroha katoa ka mutu noa iho.
4. Te whakaiti i te whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro
I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata, ka pāngia kinotia tō kōrua piripono ā-hinengaro nā te tawhiti o tō kōrua tinana. Mēnā ka ngoikore te piripono ā-ira tangata me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono, ka pāngia hoki tō kōrua piripono ā-hinengaro hei tokorua. Kāore koe e pai ki te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro tetahi ki tetahi, ki te whakaatu rānei i ō ngoikoretanga ki tō hoa.
He hononga kei waenganui i ngā momo whanaungatanga rerekē. Ina pāngia tetahi e te pānga kino, ka puta he pānga domino, ka hinga ai ētahi atu. Kāore i roa, ka āhua ngoikore tō whanaungatanga.
5. Ko tētahi o ngā tūponotanga o te marena kore-ira tangata ko te tahuri ki ngā hononga ā-taupānga
E mea ana a Tākuta Aman, "Ko tētahi o ngā pānga o ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira kua kite ahau i roto i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e rapu āwhina ana ko ngā hononga ā-taupānga. Tērā pea ka hono atu ētahi tāngata kāore anō kia tūtaki ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, ka tīmata te kōrero. Tērā pea ka pā mai he hononga i waenganui i ngā hoa tawhito, i ngā hoa mōhio, i ngā hoa mahi rānei i te ao mariko."
"Ka tīmata mā te tuku karere kuputuhi auau, ka huri ki te tohatoha whakaahua me ngā mea reka koretake, ā, i te mutunga, ki te tuku karere kuputuhi. Tērā pea he huarahi 'kore kino' hei whakamahi i te kaha me te hiahia moepuku kua puritia. Ka taea e tēnei tangata te mea kia rongo koe i te hiahia me te hiahiatia i ngā huarahi kāore i mahia e tō hoa i roto i te wā roa."
"Ahakoa he tokomaha kei te whakakahore tonu i te tikanga, i te hua rānei o ēnei taunekeneke, kāore e taea te whakahē i te meka he momo tinihanga kare ā- roto ēnei hononga ā-taupānga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga me ngā marena."
6. Te rapu piringa i roto i te pikitia pono
I ngaro te hiahia moepuku o Drew i muri i te whānautanga o tana tamāhine. I te tīmatanga, i tino tautoko tana tāne, a Nick, i te mea i whakaaro te tokorua he wā poto noa iho tēnei mō tō rāua oranga moepuku. Heoi, nā te mahi tahi, te mātua me ngā kawenga o te kāinga, kāore i hoki mai te hiahia o Drew ki te moepuku.
Nā te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata i te 30 o ōna tau i meinga a Nick kia noho wehe atu i tana wahine. Ka tīmata ia ki te whakawhirinaki ki ngā mahi pakiwaitara hei whakamātau i ōna hiahia. I piki haere tonu tana whakawhirinaki ki ngā mahi pakiwaitara i te roanga o te wā, ā, ka huri hei waranga nui. Nā te waranga i patu i ngā mahi moepuku iti i mahia e rāua, ā, ka kino haere te āhuatanga.
I te mutunga, ka uru rāua ki te rongoā whakaora mō te tokorua, ā, ka rapu āwhina a Nick mō tōna waranga ki ngā mahi porn i tētahi atu wāhi hei whakaora i tō rāua marena.
Pānui e pā ana: Nā te mātakitaki i te kiriata pakiwaitara i whakaora taku marena - He Pūrongo Pono
7. Te iti o te whakaaro ki a koe ano
Ina whakakahoretia tonutia ngā mahi whakaipoipo a tētahi hoa e tētahi atu, ka taea e ngā pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira te heke me te ngoikore o te whakaaro ki a ia anō. He pono rawa tēnei mēnā ka tawai te hoa he iti te hiahia ki te taatai ki tētahi atu mō tōna hiahia ki te taatai, ka meinga rānei ia kia whakama mō te ngana ki te tīmata i te whanaungatanga piripono.
I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ka huri ngā hua o tētahi whanaungatanga kore-ira ki te riri, te pōuri me te mauahara i waenga i ngā hoa . Ki te kore e arohia, ka taea e ēnei take te whakararu i tō whanaungatanga, ā, ka whānui ake ngā pakaru o tō hononga.
Ko tētahi o ngā hua kino rawa atu o te marena kore-ira tangata, he mea nui kia arohia ēnei raruraru i mua i te tīmatanga o te whakaaro nui o tētahi hoa ki ēnei raruraru, me te ngaro o te whakapono ki a ia anō. Koinei te wāhi e puta ai te hiranga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora. Mā te whakaweto i ngā rama i muri i te kore aro ki ngā mahi a tētahi ka nui ake te kino ki tō whanaungatanga i tō whakaaro.
8. He aha te pānga o te marena kore-ira ki te wahine? Te rapu utu
Ehara i te mea ko te tāne tonu te tangata e kore e whai hoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata. Ka taea hoki te huri i te whārite. Ki te riri te tāne ki te korenga o te taatai, ka whakaatu ngā wāhine i te hiahia ki te rapu utu.
"Ko tētahi atu pānga o ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata kāore i te tino mōhiotia whānuitia, ā, he tata nei kua kitea e au hei kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, ko te ia o ngā wāhine ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou oranga ira tangata ki ngā rōpū whatunga pāpori pērā i ngā rōpū WhatsApp mō ngā mātua o te kura kotahi, ngā kainoho hapori, ngā wāhi mahi, me ērā atu mea."
"Ehara i te mea ko ngā wāhine anake e whakapuaki ana i ō rātou oranga moepuku – me te kore rānei o aua oranga – me ngā taipitopito whakamiharo, engari ka tito hoki i ngā meme me ngā katakata hei utu mō ā rātou tāne, mō ngā tāne rānei a ētahi atu. Koinei tētahi o ngā hua o te marena kore-ira tangata, e ahua koretake ana, engari ka tere te huri hei take whakawhirinaki . I roto i te nuinga o ngā wā, nā te tautohetohe, nā te ngangau rānei, ka whakakitea ēnei meme, ngā taipitopito whaiaro rānei ki te marea, ka tohaina rānei ki te tāne."
"He tauira matarohia anō tēnei o te kore e aro atu ki tētahi āhuatanga uaua me te pakeke. Pērā i ngā tohutohu mō te marena kore-ira mō ngā tāne, ko taku tohutohu ki ngā wāhine kia kōrerohia tēnei ki te tangata ka taea te whakarerekē – arā, ko tō hoa rangatira – kaua e whakaatu i ngā kakahu paru ki te marea," te kī a Tākuta Aman.
Pānui e pā ana: Kāore tā māua marena i te kore aroha, engari i te kore ira tangata
9. Te kore e taea te kōrero ki te arewhana i roto i te rūma
Nā te pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto, ka uaua ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua mauheretia i roto i ngā whanaungatanga kore-ira tangata te aro atu ki te raruraru me te whai hua me te pono. I roto i te wā, ka noho te moepuku hei kaupapa pākiki, ā, kāore e taea te kōrero atu me te kore e mau ki te kēmu whakapae, ki ngā whakapae me ngā whiu iti.
Kua tawhiti rawa atu rātou i te whakapuaki pono i ō rātou tumanakohanga, i ō rātou hiahia me ngā mea e pai ana ki a rātou me ngā mea e kore e pai ki a rātou i runga i te moenga – koinei te huarahi tika ki te whakatau i ngā take – ā, te āhua nei kāore e taea te hoki mai i tētahi whanaungatanga kore ira tangata.
Ka kino rawa atu ngā pānga o te whanaungatanga kore-ira ki a kōrua, ki te takitahi, ki te tokorua hoki, ki te kore e whakatauhia te raruraru i te wā tika. He mea tino taunaki kia rapu āwhina ngaio mēnā kei te pāngia kōrua e te ngaronga o te whanaungatanga piripono ki tō hoa. Kotahi noa te pāwhiri atu ki tā mātou rōpū kaitohutohu tohunga.
FAQs
Kei runga i ngā take i kore ai tō kōrua whanaungatanga e hiahia ki te taatai. Mena he kore-ira tā kōrua, kua ngaro rānei te hiahia ki te taatai engari kei te aroha tonu kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, he pai te whanaungatanga kore-ira.
Āe, mēnā ehara te korenga o te whanaungatanga piripono i te hua o ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia, i te kore rānei e puta ai te riri me te pōuri i roto i ngā hoa, ka taea e te whanaungatanga te ora tonu ahakoa te moepuku.
Mena kua pau katoa ngā huarahi hei whakatau i te take engari kāore anō kia puta he hua, ā, kei te pā kino te kore moe tāne ki tō hauora hinengaro, he pai ake te haere atu.
Ko etahi o nga paanga o te whanaungatanga kore ira ko te morearea o te whaikorero me te tinihanga kare-a-roto, te pouri, te mauahara, te pukuriri, te ngaki, te korero pakaru, me te ngoikore o te hononga aronganui.
Kāore he raraunga mārama mō te ōrau o ngā marena kore-ira tangata ka mutu ki te whakarere. Heoi, i te toharite, e ai ki tētahi rangahau a Huffpost, 12% o ngā kaiwhakautu i whakaae ko te tinihanga ā-hinengaro me te tinihanga ā-tinana tētahi o ngā hua o te marena kore-ira tangata. Mā tēnei ka nui ake te pikinga o te maha o ngā whakarere.
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
