17 Ngā Tohutohu Māmā Hei Whakatenatena i a Ia kia Pumau ki a Koe

Ahakoa kua roa kōrua e whakaipoipo ana i tētahi, ā, e hiahia ana ki te hiki i te whanaungatanga ki tētahi taumata hou, kua roa rānei kōrua e noho tahi ana, ā, kua hoha koe ki te tatari kia pātai mai ia, ehara i te mea pai te tohetohe ki te raruraru me pēhea te akiaki i a ia kia piri ki a koe. Nā te mea ka haere tahi tonu tēnei raruraru me te mōhio kei te hiahia koe ki a ia nui atu i tana hiahia ki a koe, ka taea e tēnei te whakararu i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō. 

Ka taea e tēnei te mea hei āwhina i a koe ki te mahi i ngā mea e kore e whai hua ki te rapu māramatanga mō te take e herea ai te tāne, e hinga ai hoki ki te aroha. Koinei tonu te mea e raru ana taku hoa, a Lindsey, i ngā rā tata nei. He maha ngā wā e tūtaki ana ia ki tētahi tāne. Ina tūtaki rāua, he pai te noho tahi, engari kāore a Kurt e whakaatu ana i te hiahia ki te whakamotuhake i te whanaungatanga, me te here ki a ia. Ka whakautu ia ki āna karere kuputuhi engari kāore e tīmata kōrero. Ka haere tahi rāua engari kāore e whakaatu i te hiahia ki te tautoko i a ia. Kua tino pouri a Lindsey i te korenga o Kurt e hiahia ki te whakahoki i ōna kare ā-roto. 

I tētahi o ā māua waeatanga Skype ia wiki, i kōrero mai ia ki ahau mō tōna mamae, ā, i pātai mai, "Me pēhea taku whakatenatena i a ia kia hiahia nui mai ki ahau kia eke ai ngā mea ki tētahi taumata e whai ake nei?" Nā māua kōrero i mōhio ai ahau he āhuatanga tēnei e pā ana ki te tini o ngā wāhine. Nō reira, i whakatau ahau ki te rangahau me pēhea te whakatenatena i tētahi tāne kia hiahia ki a koe, kia piripono hoki ki a koe. Ka whakarāpopototia e au māu i roto i ngā tohutohu māmā engari whai hua e 17.

17 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakangaro i a Koe e Ia, Hei Whakapūmau i a Ia ki a Koe Ake Tonu Atu

Ko te hunga katoa e ngana ana ki te akiaki i tētahi tāne kia eke ki tētahi taumata hou, e mōhio ana rātou ki te hōhā o te kimi me pēhea te akiaki i a ia kia whakapau kaha. Nā te mea ka whai tonu i ngā pātai whakararuraru pēnei i te, "He aha taku e hapa ana?" "He hē taku mahi?" "He aha ia kāore ai e hiahia kia whakapau kaha ahau ki ahau?" 

Hei tauira, tirohia tēnei pātai i runga i tētahi tuhinga Reddit mō ngā tohutohu mō te whakaipoipo, "Kua ngaro taku mōhio. He maha ngā tau e noho takakau ana ahau, neke atu i te 6 tau inaianei. He ātaahua ahau, he pai te āhua, kāore i te taumaha rawa, he mahi pai, he mātau. He maha āku mahi whakangahau, ā, he pai ki ahau ngā mea maha, pērā i te toi hei tauira. He pai taku oranga pāpori, ā, he maha ngā mea e pai ana ki ahau. Ka haere ahau ki ngā whakaipoipo me te tini o ngā tāne mā roto i ngā taupānga me ngā pae whakaipoipo, tae atu ki ngā tāne e tūtaki ana ahau ki te kanohi ki te kanohi pērā i te huarahi, i roto i te wharekai, i ētahi atu wāhi rānei... Ka haria ahau e rātou ki ngā whakaipoipo, ka utua, ā, ka kī mai kei te rapu rātou i tētahi whanaungatanga. I muri i te 1-3 marama, ka whakahuatia e ahau te motuhaketanga, ā, ka mea mai rātou, "Aroha mai kāore au e hiahia ki te here" "Kei te rapu noa ahau i tētahi mea noa iho". Nō reira, he aha tēnei ka tupu, ā, me pēhea taku ārai i tēnei?"

He tino pārekareka? Kua whakaaro koe, pērā i taku hoa a Lindsey me tēnei kaiwhakamahi Reddit, he aha te mea e akiaki ana i te tāne kia piripono, kia hinga hoki ki te aroha? Kei te mea ko te whakautu kei te hiahia te tāne kia ngaro koe i a ia kia mōhio ai ia ki tō uara? Ka taea e koe te akiaki i a ia kia piripono mā te wehe atu? Me takaro koe i ngā kēmu hinengaro kia piripono ai te tāne? Āe, kāore pea. Engari ko te akiaki i te tāne kia piripono ko te whakaatu i a ia ki tō uara. Mā ēnei tohutohu ngāwari e 17, ka taea e koe te mahi i tēnā me te kore e whakamahi i tētahi tinihanga, i tētahi mahi tinihanga rānei:

1. Kaua e tino matekiri

Ina roa koe e whakaaro ana, "Me pēhea taku meinga ia kia hiahia nui ki ahau kia piri mai ki ahau?", he mea maori noa iho te puta o te ngakau pouri. Heoi, ki te hiahia koe ki te anga whakamua i roto i tēnei whainga, he mea nui kia kaua e tukua tēnei ngakau pouri kia ārahi i te āhua o tō taunekeneke ki te tāne o tō ao. Nō reira, 

• Kaua e tino piripono, kaua hoki e hiahia nui 
• Kaua e tuku karere kuputuhi ki a ia 
• Kare atu tuku karere takirua ano 
• Kaua e waea atu i ngā haora oho katoa 
• Kaua e māharahara, kaua hoki e hae mēnā kei hea ia e mahi ana i tētahi atu mea

2. Kaua e kōrero tonu mō te whakapau kaha

Ki te mea kei te rapu koe i ngā mea hei mahi me ngā mea kāore e tika ana kia mahia hei akiaki i a ia kia piripono, anei tētahi āhuatanga me karo e koe: te kōrero tonu mō te piripono. Ko te tuku pātai " Kua rite ahau ki te taumau ?" ehara i te whakautu ki te pātai me pēhea te akiaki i a ia kia tono marena. Waihoki, ko te ārahi i ngā kōrero katoa ki te, "Nō reira, kei hea tēnei e anga atu ana?", e kore e meinga ia kia hiahia ki te piripono ki a koe i mua atu. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe kei te huna koe i a koe engari ina anga ia kōrero ki te piripono me ngā mahi e whai ake nei i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka tino kitea tō hiahia nui. Ki te mea he aha, ka pana noa atu tō hoa ki tawhiti.

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3. Kia mau tonu te mea ngaro me te mahi whakamere

Ahakoa kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te kukume i te tangata kia hiahia nui ki a koe kia piri ki a koe, me pēhea rānei te akiaki i a ia kia tono marena , kotahi tā mātou tohutohu māu: kia ngaro. Ki te whakaaro te tangata e mōhio ana ia ki ngā mea katoa mōu, ka tīmata te memeha haere o tana hiahia me tana hiahia. Koia te take, kaua e whakatakoto i ō kāri katoa ki runga i te tēpu i te wā kotahi, engari tukua ia kia hurahia mārire tō tuakiri papatahi i te papatahi, kia miharo hoki i ia wā ka ako ia i tētahi mea hou. Kia hoki mai ai ia ki te rapu atu, me pupuri tonu te hiahia kia ora.

I kitea e Lindsey, ko te kore o te mea ngaro me te whakamere i aukati i a Kurt ki te whakapuaki i ana kōrero. Ko tētahi o ana hapa i te wā e whakaipoipo ana ko te roa rawa o tana kōrero mōna ake. Mai i ngā kōrero mō te tākaro whutupaoro i te kura ki ngā pakanga me ōna hoa noho, i mōhio katoa a Kurt. Ahakoa i pai ki a ia te whakarongo ki a ia, kāore i waiho he wāhi mō Kurt ki te whakaaro he aha atu āna kōrero.

4. Kia ora tonu

He maha ngā wā ka whakakāhoretia ngā tāne e ngā wāhine e hiahia ana ki te whakapau i ō rātou wā katoa ki a rātou. I tētahi atu taha, ko te tango i tētahi wāhi hei noho i tētahi oranga whai kiko, whai hua hoki ka puta he kukume me te taumahatanga. Ki te hiahia koe ki te mārama me pēhea te meinga tō hoa tāne kia hiahia ki a koe, kia piri atu hoki ki a koe, ko te mahi tuatahi ko te whakarite kia kaua koe e kitea he hoa wahine piripono . Ko te huarahi pai ki te mahi i tēnā ko te whakataurite i tō oranga kia kaua tō oranga katoa e huri ki te tāne i roto i tō oranga. Mō tēnā, me

• Arotahi ki to mahi 
• Whakaritea he wā mō ngā hoa me ngā whanaunga 
• Kaua e tukua ngā mahi whakangahau me ngā hiahia kia taka ki te taha o te ara nā te mea he tāne kei roto i tō ao 
• Tangohia he wā matara atu i a ia kia noho ko koe anake 

5. Kia wātea ki te taha o te ngākau

Ko te mea nui hei kimi i te huarahi hei akiaki i a ia kia piri ki a koe anō, ko te kimi i te taurite i waenganui i te tango wāhi mōu ake me te noho tahi me tāu tāne . Ahakoa ka panaia ia e te piripono rawa, mā te tango rawa i te aroha ka mamao atu anō hoki ia. Tērā pea ka whakaaro ia kāore koe e hiahia ana ki a ia. He mea nui kia wātea koe ki a ia i roto i ngā kare ā-roto. Nō reira,

• Haere ki ngā rā
• Puritia tōna ringa 
• Kia aroha ki a ia 
• Awhi i a ia ina pōturi ana ia 
• Whakarongo ki a ia mēnā e hiahia ana ia ki te whakaputa i tōna riri 

E ai ki te kōrero, mā te wehe atu ka taea e ia te whakaae. Engari ka mahi noa tēnā ina mōhio ia ki tāna e ngaro ana.

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6. Engari kaua e whakamomori i a ia

Mā te huna i tō tāne ki te aroha nui rawa ka oma atu rātou i a koe. Ko te ngana ki te here i tētahi tāne me te akiaki i a ia kia noho tahi me koe i te wā katoa ehara i te otinga ki te kukume i tētahi tāne ki a koe. Ka puta noa iho koe he wahine kore māia , ā, kāore he tangata e hiahia ana ki te whai i te ara o te whakapau kaha i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kī tonu i te kore māia.

I tētahi atu taha, ina mōhio ia e pai ana koe ki a ia engari kua pakeke hoki koe ki te hoatu i te wāhi me te mana motuhake e hiahiatia ana e ia kia noho ko ia anake, ka hiahia ia ki te whakapau kaha ki a koe nā te mea e kite ana ia i te kaha ki te hanga hononga hauora ki a koe. Hei tauira, ehara a Kurt i te tangata takaro, ehara hoki i te tangata e mataku ana ki te whakapau kaha. Ā, e tino pai ana ia ki a Lindsey. Heoi, he maha ngā wā ka riri ia nā te mea kāore ia e pai ki te tuku wāhi ki a ia. E hiahia tonu ana ia ki te mōhio kei hea ia, me te tangata e tūtaki ana ia, ā, he maha ngā whakaaro mō ngā mea e mahia ana e ia.

7. Kaua e whakawhanaunga i a ia

I a koe e rapu ana i te whakaaro, "Me pēhea taku meinga ia kia hiahia nui ki ahau kia piri mai ki ahau?", kaua e waiho tō oranga kia ngohengohe ki a ia. He rerekētanga i waenganui i te tautoko i te tāne e arohaina ana e koe me te tango i ngā here o tōna ao, te mahi i ngā mea katoa māna. Kia mahara, ehara koe i tōna whaea, ā, he pakeke ia e kaha ana ki te whakatere i tōna ao. Me āta whakaaro, whakatakotohia, me te pupuri i ngā rohe hauora mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga pumau.

8. Whakatakotoria ngā whāinga whanaungatanga

Ko te mea ngaro hei ārahi i a ia kia piripono ki a koe, ko te tango i ngā hikoinga iti ki taua whāinga, kaua ki te peke nui. He āhua whakamataku ngā kōrero mō te piripono me te heke mai tahi, ā, he maha tonu ngā wā ka puta mai he manukanuka me te harikoa. Ki te puta mai i te kore noa iho, ka nui ake te whakamataku o te tumanako, ā, ka noho puku te tangata. 

Koia te take, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te akiaki i a ia ki te tono marena, me pēhea rānei te akiaki i tētahi tāne kia hiahia nui ki a koe kia piripono ai ki tētahi hononga pumau ki a koe, tīmata mā te whakatakoto i ngā whāinga iti ake mō tētahi hononga . Hei tauira,

• Mena kua roa kōrua e noho tahi ana, me kōrero pea mō te noho tahi i mua i te kōrero mō te marena. 
• Ki te mea kua tīmata kē kōrua te whakaipoipo, tīmata mā te tuku kōrero tahi ki ngā pāpāho pāpori, kaua e haere tika ki te kōrero DTR. 
• Mena kua roa kōrua e whakaipoipo ana, engari kāore anō kia kōrero mō te noho pūmau ki tētahi hononga, whakamātauria mā te tono kia tūtaki ki ngā hoa me te whānau o tō hoa.  

Ka taea e ēnei whāinga iti te whakamahi hei huarahi maori ki te whakatutuki i tāu whāinga whakamutunga, arā, kia whakapau kaha ia.

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9. Me whakaatu e ia tō uara

Kia mōhio ai ia ko koe te wahine o āna moemoeā, me mahi koe i ngā mea katoa kia noho ko ia! Nō reira, whakaarohia te wahine e hiahia ana koe kia noho ko ia. He rerekē te tikanga o tēnei ki ngā tāngata rerekē. Engari koinei te tikanga o te noho hei wahine whai uara nui :

• Kia maia 
• Kia motuhake
• Whakaaetia ō mahi 
• Kia aroha 
• Kia tupato 
• Kia tautoko

10. Akohia kia harikoa, kia makona hoki koe i a koe anō

Ehara i te mea ko te mea anake tēnei hei akiaki i tō hoa tāne kia hiahia nui ki a koe kia piripono ki a koe, kia kite rānei i tētahi tāne i tētahi heke mai māu, engari ko te kaupapa matua o te whakatere i te ao: ako kia harikoa, kia makona hoki i a koe anō. Kaua rawa tō harikoa e whakawhirinaki katoa ki tētahi atu tangata. Haunga tēnā, ina kite te tāne i taua momo whakawhirinaki ki a ia anō, ka nui ake tōna whakaute ki a koe. Kāore he mea e ātaahua ake ana i te wahine e mōhio ana ki te waihanga i tōna ake harikoa. Ki te kite ia i a koe he wahine kaha, he wahine māia, ka rite ia ki te piripono.

11. Kia noho hei pakihiwi mōna hei tangihanga 

Ahakoa i ētahi wā me wehe koe i a koe anō, i ētahi wā, me noho koe ki tōna taha. Kia maumahara, i te mutunga o te rā, kei te mahi koe i tēnei nā te mea e aroha ana koe ki a ia, ā, e hiahia ana kia kite ia he tino pai kōrua. Nō reira, me noho ki tōna taha ina tino hiahia ia ki a koe. Koinei te mea e akiaki ana i te tāne kia piripono, kia aroha hoki.

12. Kia noho hei hoa mōna

E tino whakapono ana ahau ko ngā whanaungatanga hohonu, pumau, e hangaia ana i runga i te turanga o te whakahoahoa. Ahakoa he mahi nui te aroha, te aroha me te whanaungatanga piripono ki te hono i te tokorua, ko te whakawhirinaki me te whakaute e puta mai ana i te whakahoahoa te mea hei āwhina i a rāua kia angitu i roto i te wā roa. Nō reira, ko te mea nui ki te meinga tō hoa tāne kia hiahia ki a koe mō te wa katoa, ki te meinga rānei tētahi tāne kia hiahia hei hoa tāne māu, ko te noho hei hoa pono māna. Anei te huarahi:

• Whakarongo ki a ia me te kore e whakahe 
• Kia māia ia ki te whakawhirinaki ki a koe
• Kaua e ngana ki te whakatika i a ia 
• Kōrerorero tahi me ia 
• Tūhurahia ngā mahi ka taea e kōrua te pārekareka ngātahi 
• Kia wairangi, kia kata, kia ngahau tahi

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13. Arotahi ki te hanga i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto kaha

Ko tētahi atu wāhanga matua o ngā whanaungatanga pumau ko te whanaungatanga hohonu o ngā kare ā-roto . Nō reira, ko te mea ngaro ki te akiaki i a ia kia piripono kei roto i te whakatipu i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto kaha ki tāu tāne. Mēnā ka tino piripono ia ki a koe, ā, kāore e taea e ia te whakaaro i tōna oranga me te kore koe, ka hiahia ia ki te piripono ki a koe mō tōna oranga katoa. Hei whakatutuki i tēnā, me

• Te noho tahi i te wa kounga 
• Whakaū i ōna uara me ōna whakapono 
• Whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō ngā oranga o tētahi ki tētahi 
• Kia ngoikore 
• Whakarongo kia mārama 
• Kia aroha ki te tangata

14. Whakatipuhia te whanaungatanga ā-ira tangata  

He mea nui anō hoki te whanaungatanga ā-ira mō te whanaungatanga roa, whai hua hoki. I runga anō i te taumata o te whanaungatanga kei roto koe, me mahi koe ki te whakatipu, ki te whakamahi rānei i tētahi hononga ā-ira pai ki tō hoa. Ehara i te mea ko te mahi anake te whanaungatanga ā-ira engari ko te kōrero whānui hoki mō ngā mea e pai ana ki a koe, ngā mea kāore e pai ki a koe, ngā mea e hiahiatia ana, me ngā manakohanga. Nā tēnei ka nui ake te wheako i te tuku noa i te tinana, ā, ka nui ake te whanaungatanga me te whai tikanga.

15. Whakaoho i tōna wairua toa

Me pēhea te whakatenatena i a ia kia whakapau kaha, e pātai ana koe? Mā te mea kia rongo ia he mea e hiahiatia ana, e whai mana ana hoki. E mōhiotia ana hoki tēnei ko te whakaoho i te wairua toa o te tāne . Nā te kaiako whanaungatanga a James Bauer i tito te kupu. I roto i tana pukapuka, His Secret Obsession , e whakamārama ana a Bauer he hiahia taketake tō ia tāne ki te whakarato me te tiaki i tana hoa. Ko te whakaoho i tēnei wairua toa te kī ki te whakatuwhera i te pūmanawa katoa o te whanaungatanga. Nō reira, haere tonu,

• Rapua tōna whakaaro mō ngā whakataunga nui 
• Me tono atu ki a ia mō te āwhina ki ngā mahi me ngā mahi o te whare 
• Tahuri atu ki a ia mō te whakamarie 
• Hoatu he wā ki a ia ki te whakapuaki i ō raruraru   

Ko te nui atu o tōna mōhio e hiahiatia ana ia e koe, ko te kaha ake o tōna kukume ki a koe. 

16. Āta karohia ngā kupu whakatūpato

Kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te akiaki i tō hoa tāne kia hiahia ki a koe, kia piripono hoki ki a koe? He rite tonu te hiranga o te mārama ki ngā mea kāore e tika kia mahia, ki te takaro tika i ō kāri. Ko tētahi mea me karo e koe ko ngā whakatūpato. Ahakoa e whakaaro ana koe mēnā e whakanuia ana koe e ia, mā te tūponotanga o te ngaronga o koe ka whakaaro ia ki te mahi i ngā mahi e whai ake nei i roto i tō whanaungatanga me te kaha ake, he onge noa iho ngā whakatūpato i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka puta te hua e hiahiatia ana. Engari, ka meinga pea tō hoa tāne kia pēhia, ka oma atu ki te huarahi kē.

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17. Whakamihi ki a ia

He āhuatanga iti te whakanui i te maioha hei hanga whanaungatanga hauora. Ki te kore he whanaungatanga kaha, pumau hoki, kāore he tikanga o te whakapau kaha. Nō reira, kia tutuki ai tō whāinga kia eke tō hoa ki te taumata e whai ake nei, me whakapuaki e koe tō maioha me tō whakawhetai ki a ia. 

• Ringihia ki a ia ngā mihi pono 
• Mea atu "ngā mihi" i ngā wā katoa 
• Kōrerotia ki a ia te take e whakawhetai ana koe ki a ia

He pikinga, he hekenga te aroha, engari ki te tika te wāhi o tō ngākau, kāore he mea e kore e taea. Ko te huarahi hei akiaki i a ia kia piripono, ko te nui o tō hiahia ki te aroha me te noho tahi me ia. Kia tino whakapono koe ki ō kare ā-roto, he wā poto noa iho te roa o te toenga!

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He aha ngā tāne ka wehe atu ai i mua i te whakaae?

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.