Kāore he tokorua kāore anō kia taupatupatu. Ko ētahi ka whakatau i aua tautohetohe mā te rangimārie, ko ētahi kāore i te tino taupatupatu. Ko ēnei tokorua, me whai ture whawhai tika hei whakaoti i tēnei wāhanga uaua (tērā pea he whakamīharo). He maha ngā pātai e pā ana ki te ariā o ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tokorua. He aha ngā ture? Kāore rānei, ka taea te whai i aua ture i roto i tētahi tautohe werawera?
Tērā pea he whakaaro taumaha rawa atu tēnei – he ture mō ngā tautohetohe. Engari, whakaarohia mēnā ka inumia ēnei e tātou i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga? Kāore ianei te pakanga e iti iho, e whakatauhia rānei, me te kore e kino? Hei whakamārama ake i tēnei ariā pakari o ngā ture whawhai tika, kua tono atu ahau ki te tohunga hinengaro haumanu. Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Te Whare Wānanga o Manchester), te kaiwhakaū o Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, he tohunga ki te tohutohu i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine me te whakaora whānau.
He aha te whawhai tika i roto i te whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
I roto i tana pukapuka I muri i te Marama Hanemine, e kī ana te tohunga hinengaro a Dan Wile, "Ina whiriwhiri koe i tētahi hoa mō te wā roa, ka whiriwhiri koe i tētahi huinga raruraru kāore e taea te whakatau." Nō reira, he wāhanga kore e taea te karo i te taupatupatu o ngā whanaungatanga katoa. Ehara i te mea tawhiti te kī he pai te taupatupatu mō ngā whanaungatanga, e āhei ai te tokorua ki te mārama ake tetahi ki tetahi, me te whakawhanake whakaute tahi me te whakawhirinaki. Ahakoa tērā, he mea nui kia mōhio koe ki te momo toa koe, me ngā mea e whakaohooho ana i a koe.
- He ngawari to riri?
- Ka purua katoatia e koe ngā mea katoa i roto i a koe kia pahū rā anō ki tētahi mea iti noa iho?
- Ka karohia e koe ngā pakanga ahakoa pēhea?
- Ka whakarērea koe e koe, ka kore hoki e pai ki te taunekeneke?
- Ka aro nui koe ki ngā whakahe a tō hoa, ā, ka tauhohe e ai ki tēnā?
He rerekē ngā momo wheako, whakahaere, me te whakaatu i te riri o tātou katoa. He mea tika kia whakatūria ētahi ture mō te whawhai tika i roto i te marena i waenganui i te tokorua kia tika ai te whakahaere i ngā pakanga, kia kitea ai te huarahi māmā ki te whakatau i te pakanga me te kore e taea te hē o te kōrero. Ki te kore, ka taea e te pakanga te tino taumaha, ka huri hei āhua pōrearea.
Whakaarohia tētahi tokorua, a A rāua ko B. Ka wehe a A i a rāua e whawhai ana, ko B ia ka aro nui ki te riri o tana hoa. Mā tēnei rerekētanga ka taea te whakanui ake i tētahi pakanga iti hei pakanga nui mena kāore te tokorua e whakatakoto i ētahi ture matua hei āwhina i a rāua ki te whakahaere i te pakanga me ngā mea taketake i roto i te raupapa tika.
Me whakawhirinaki te tokorua tetahi ki tetahi, me te oati hoki kāore rāua e ārai i tā rāua hoa, e uru atu rānei ki ngā mahi taiapa kohatu i te wā o te pakanga. Mēnā e hiahia ana a A ki te wā me te wāhi, ka whakamōhio atu rātou ki tā rātou hoa, ka hoatu hoki he rohe wā. Hei tauira, ka taea e A te kī, "Kei te taumaha rawa tēnei mōku. Ka taea e tāua te kōrero mō tēnei i te ata/i muri i ngā hāora e rua/(i tētahi atu rohe wā)?" Me oati a B ki te whakaute i te hiahia o A ki te wāhi me te wā whakatā.
Koinei te ariā o te whawhai tika i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e te tokorua te whai ture ake i runga i ō rāua hiahia me ō rāua kare ā-roto. Engari he iti noa ngā āhuatanga ōrite me ngā ariā taketake mō te ako me pēhea te whawhai tika i roto i te marena e tika ana kia pirihia e ngā tokorua katoa, ā, ka matapakihia e tātou ēnei i mua.
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E ai ki a Devaleena, ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te mea nui ki te whakatakoto ture whawhai tika i waenga i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. "Ka taea e ngā hoa tokorua te noho tahi i te wā marino, ka whakatakoto i ētahi ture matua mō te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e rāua te oati tetahi ki tetahi kia kaua e tino wairangi i te wā e tautohetohe ana. Mā tēnei momo kōrero ka rite rāua ki te whakahaere i te tautohetohe, ina uru atu rānei rāua ki tētahi," tana kī.
E kī ana hoki a Devaleena, ko ngā ture, hei ariā, ka whakarato i te hanganga ki tētahi mea, ki tētahi wāhi haumaru rānei hei whakahaere. E ai ki a ia, ka pā anō hoki tēnei whakamarie ki ngā whanaungatanga. "Ina takahia ngā ture, ka whara pea tētahi, ka whakararu rānei i te mahi a tētahi umanga. Ka pā anō hoki tētahi mea rite ki ngā whanaungatanga – ka whara pea tētahi hoa," tana kī. Nā te mea kua mārama tātou he aha te hiranga o ēnei, me titiro tātou ki ētahi ture whawhai tika hei āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakahaere i ā rātou tautohetohe.
1. Ko te pupuri i ngā kare ā-roto me te reo o te tangata kei roto i ngā ture whawhai tika
Ko te tautohetohe ki tō hoa rangatira, ki tō hoa rangatira rānei, ka waiho hei wheako whara, ā, ka whakararuraru i a koe. Ahakoa kāore koe i whakaaro, ka piki haere pea ngā āhuatanga, ka ngaro atu i te mana whakahaere. Nō reira, he mea nui te pupuri i te taurite o ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ko tētahi o ngā ture whawhai tika ka taea pea te... tiakina tō whanaungatanga mai i tētahi ara pūngāwerewere.
Ko ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e hiahia ana ki te whakamamae i te ahotea me te whakataurite pai i ngā kare ā-roto, he nui te kōrero. I ngā wā katoa, me ngana koe ki te whakapuaki i ō āwangawanga i roto i te huarahi taurite i mua i te huri hei take nui. Kia tūpato ki tō reo – tera pea ka kaha te reo mena ka huri ō kare ā-roto ki te riri.
He mea tika kia noho marino te reo. Nā te mea ina hamama koe, tera pea ka whai tō hoa i ō whanonga. Ā, i mua i tō mōhio, ka huri pea tō tautohetohe hei pakanga kōrero. Ki te mea kei te ngaro tō mana whakahaere i te tautohetohe, me whai wā okioki. Ko ēnei okiokinga hoki kei roto i ngā ture whawhai tika mō te whakatau i te pakanga.
2. Kaua e hokihoki ki ngā mahi o mua hei whakatau i ngā pakanga mā te whawhai tika
Ko te whakahoki mai i ngā hapa o mua, ehara i te mea he whawhai tika ki whakatau i te pakanga... Ka pōuri noa iho tō hoa, ka riri hoki rātou ki a koe. Ko te riri te taniwha kāore koe e hiahia kia noho ki waenganui o tō whanaungatanga. "He mea nui kia noho tonu ki te ao o nāianei i a koe e whawhai ana," te kī a Devaleena, me te tāpiri, "He wāhi pai ake te noho ki mua kia kaua e toro atu nā te mea ko ngā mea kua oti kua oti. Mā te whakahoki anō i ngā take o mua ka puta he raruraru hou."
Hei tāpiri atu, ko te keri ake i ngā mea o mua ka pā kino ki te hoa, nā te mea kua whakatika pea i ā rātou hapa. Tērā pea ka whakahokia rātou ki te wāhi e whakahoki mai ai i te mamae o ā rātou hapa. Nō reira, ka kino pea ki a rātou anō. Ko ngā ture whawhai tika ko te karo i ngā whanonga katoa ka whakanui ake i ngā raruraru whaiaro.
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3. Kia whai hua, whakarongo mai, me te whai wāhi atu i a koe e ngana ana ki te whawhai tika
He maha ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e pā ana ki te kupu "hangarau" - me hangarau ā koutou tautohetohe, ā, ko tāu whāinga whakamutunga kia tutuki he otinga hangarau anō hoki. Heoi anō, kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakaputa i tō riri, me te whakamahi hei arai hei aukati i te ahunga whakamua o tō whanaungatanga. Nō reira, hei whakatau i tētahi pakanga e haere tonu ana, me mahi pea koe i tētahi mea. pai ake te whakarongo tetahi ki tetahi i te tuatahi.
Ko te whakarongo tētahi o ngā ture pakari mō te whawhai tika. He māmā ake pea te ngaro o te mana whakahaere (i te pupuri i te pehi), ā, ina tupu tēnā, he uaua ki te kite i tua atu i te riri werawera. Haunga tēnā, me whakaaro pea koe ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa i roto i tētahi tautohe nā te mea e whakapono ana koe e mōhio ana koe ki a ia. Heoi, kāore he wāhi o taua whakaaro hē ki roto i te rārangi o ngā ture whawhai tika i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Mā te tuku i tō hoa ki te whakapuaki i ōna kare ā-roto ka taea te wetewete i te taumahatanga kua mau, ā, ka ārahi mārire koe ki te mutunga o te pakanga.
Ki te mea ka noho puku koe i te wā o te pakanga nā te mea e kino ana koe ki te pakanga, me ārai koe i taua hiahia ki te wehe atu me te ārai i tō hoa. rangahau rangahau i tapahia Te Tango-Whakaae, Te Makona o te Tokorua me te Roanga o te Hononga e kī ana, "He mārama ngā taunakitanga e hono ana te tauira taunekeneke tono-whakakore, he tauira e rapu ana tetahi hoa i te huringa me te matapaki i tētahi raruraru, i te mea ka karo tetahi i te pakanga, ki te kore e makona te tokorua."
4. Te whakarite i te wā mō ngā tautohetohe – He ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine
Ki te kore koe e maumahara ki ngā ture whawhai tika i a koe e tautohetohe ana, tera pea ka kore e taea te whakahaere i ngā mea, ka pāngia koe e te mamae tinana. Kāore e taea e tō hinengaro me tō io te whakahaere i te nui o te whawhai. Nō reira, ki te tika, whakaae kia okioki koe i a koe e whawhai ana – ehara i te mea ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakamārama i tō hinengaro engari ka taea hoki e koe te arotake i ō whakaaro.
Kāore e hē te kī ko tētahi o ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ko te whakatakoto i tētahi rohe wā mō ngā kōrero tautohetohe. I pērā a Jenna rāua ko tana hoa, ko Sullivan, i muri i tana kōrero ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro, nāna i kī atu ka taea e rāua te whakamutu i ā rāua pakanga mō te 20 meneti hei ārai i te puta ke o te mana whakahaere.
"I tino mārama kāore ō mātou rerekētanga e whakatauhia i roto i te kōrero kotahi, nō reira i hiahiatia ai he ture whawhai tika hei whakatau i te pakanga," te kī a Sullivan, me te tāpiri atu, "Nō reira, i whakatau mātou ki te okioki. He uaua i te tīmatanga engari he pai te mahi mā mātou i nāianei. I muri i ia okiokinga, i hiahia ahau ki te whakarongo ki ngā kōrero a Jenna, me te hoki anō. He maha ngā wā ka hiahia mātou ki te awhi tetahi i tetahi, ka neke atu mō tētahi wā."
Ahakoa kāore koe e neke atu, ka taea tonu e koe te whiwhi i te marino hei whakaaroaro anō i te tautohe. I kī a Jenna ahakoa kāore te take i marino i ngā wā okiokinga, he nui ngā mea i hoatu ki a ia hei whakaaroaro, ā, i āwhina anō hoki i a ia. kia kaha te whakahaere i tōna riri"He maha ngā wā ka hiahia ahau ki te whakaaroaro mō taua mea mō ētahi rā i mua i te tīmatanga anō o te kōrero mō taua kaupapa," tāna tāpiri.
5. Waihangahia he kupu haumaru hei aukati i te piki haere o ngā tautohetohe
Ko ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ko te tito i tētahi kupu haumaru. Me waiho tēnei kupu hei kupu, kaua hei rerenga kōrero, hei whakamutu i tētahi tautohe ina whakaaro koe kei te heke ki tētahi wāhi kino. Heoi anō, me whai kupu tēnei e kī ana ka whakaitihia tō tautohetohe, ka mutu rānei.
Me whakaae ngā hoa tokorua ki tēnei kupu haumaru, ā, me whakaaro hoki ki tētahi kirimana tapu. Nā te mea, ki te kore koe e pupuri i tēnei kupu i roto i tētahi tautohe, ka rite ki te takahi i tētahi oati. Ahakoa te nui o ngā tohutohu mō te whawhai tika i roto i te marena/whanaungatanga, kāore e whai hua mena kāore he whakawhirinaki i waenganui i ngā hoa. He mea nui te pupuri i ngā oati hei whakapakari i te here o te whakawhirinaki.
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6. Kaua e tōia ngā tamariki ki roto i te raruraru mēnā kei te hiahia koe kia tika te whawhai
Ki te mea he tamariki āu, ka mutu pea rātou ka noho hei patunga kore i roto i ō tautohetohe. Tērā pea ka pā kino tō pakanga tonu ki tō rātou hinengaro e whanake ana, me ngā pānga ka roa pea ki tō rātou pakeketanga. Nō reira, ko ngā tamariki tētahi o ngā take nui me whakauru ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki roto i te whanaungatanga.
"Ka taea e ngā tamariki te noho pōuri mena ka mōhio rātou kei te whakamahia rātou hei patu i roto i te tautohetohe. Tērā pea ka puta he raruraru whanonga, ā, ka pōuri pea rātou," te kī a Devaleena. Kei roto hoki i ngā ture whawhai tika te kore tautohetohe i mua i ngā tamariki. He maha ngā wā ka whakaaro ngā tamariki he iti noa iho ā rātou mana whakahaere i tō rātou taiao, ā, ina uru ō rātou mātua ki te tautohetohe, ka ngāwari te ngaro o te aro – ka rerekē te āhua o tō rātou ao katoa.
Haunga tēnā, ka tīmata pea ngā tamariki ki te whakapono nā rātou te he. Tērā pea ka arahi tēnei ki te huringa whakapae i a rātou anō. Mā te whai i ētahi ture whawhai tika ka ārai i tēnei raruraru kei puta ake.
7. Kaua e whakakino ingoa i a koe e whawhai tika ana hei whakatau i te pakanga
Ka taea te whakarite i ngā tautohetohe ki ngā matū mura, kotahi noa te mura, kotahi rānei te nekehanga hē ka huri hei mea mōrearea. I roto i te pakanga, ko te karanga ingoa ka rite ki te mura e huri ai te āhuatanga kia pōrearea. Ki te kī māmā, Ka taea e te karanga ingoa kino te kino i tō whanaungatanga atu anō. E mea ana ngā ture whawhai tika me karo koe i taua mea ahakoa te aha.
He nui te pānga o ngā mea katoa e kōrerotia ana, e mahia ana rānei i te wā o te pakanga. Ahakoa ka whakahuatia ō rātou ingoa mōkai mā te whakatoi, mā te whakaiti rānei, ka taea e koe te huri i ngā raruraru iti hei patunga nui. Ko te noho mārire tētahi o ngā huarahi tino nui ki te whawhai tika i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, nā te mea ka mau tonu te tikanga pai me te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi.
8. Puritia te take e pā ana ki a koe mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te whakatau i te tautohe
Ka taea e te riri i puta mai i tētahi tautohe te horapa ki ngā huarahi rerekē. Tērā pea kua tīmata kē kōrua ki te tautohetohe mō tētahi mea, ā, kāore e roa ka kitea e kōrua kei te whawhai kōrua mō tētahi take tino rerekē. Ka arahi pea tēnei ki te nui o te mauahara e puta ake ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. "I mua i te tīmatanga o te whawhai a tētahi tokorua, ka puta he wā e puta ake ai, ā, ka whai ake ko he waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto"Nō reira, he maha ngā kupu whakarihariha e whakawhitiwhitia ana," te kī a Devaleena.
Hei ārai i tēnei mea, ko ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kei roto ko ngā tautohetohe wehewehe. Whakatauhia tētahi take i ia wā mēnā ko tāu whāinga he whakatau i runga i te rangimārie. "He huarahi pai ki te pupuri i te take kei mua ko te tuhi ki tētahi wāhi. Ka whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ētahi hoa mō ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a rātou. Mā te kōrero ki tētahi hoa, ki tētahi mema rānei o te whānau mō te kaupapa o tāu tautohetohe ka āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ki tō ake tūnga, ā, ka ārai hoki i a koe kei peka ke," te tohutohu a Devaleena.
Me karo hoki i te whakaaro "ko au anake te huarahi, ko au anake te huarahi tika". He mea nui te whakaae tahi mō ngā ture whawhai tika a te tokorua, nā te mea kāore e mutu katoa ngā tautohetohe ki tētahi otinga e pai ana mō ngā hoa tokorua. I ētahi wā, ka hē te whakatau. Ā, koinei te wā me whakauru te māramatanga ki roto i te pakanga.
9. Rapua he tohutohu hei mōhio atu mō ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine
Mena kāore anō kia taea e koe te mahi i roto i te anga o ngā ture whawhai tika, me rapu āwhina koe i ngā kaitohutohu. Ka taea e rātou te whakatakoto huarahi hei whakaiti i ō raruraru, hei whakatakoto i te turanga mō ō tautohetohe kia kore ai e neke ki ngā rohe raruraru – i roto i te poto, ka āwhina rātou i a koe ki te whawhai i ngā pakanga tika hei whakatau. Mena kei te uaua koe ki te whakatere i te wāhi uaua o ngā tautohetohe whanaungatanga, ko ngā kaitohutohu pūkenga me te whai tiwhikete i runga i te rōpū Bonobology he tauira noa iho. pāwhiri atu.
Tohutohu Matua
- He wāhanga kore e taea te karo i te tautohe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa, ahakoa he whanaungatanga hauora, e āhei ai te tokorua ki te mārama tetahi ki tetahi, me te whakawhanake i te whakaute me te whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi.
- He rerekē ā tātou katoa momo whakaatu i te riri, te wheako i taua riri, me te whakatau i taua riri. He mea tika kia whakatūria ētahi ture taketake mō te whawhai tika i roto i te marena i waenganui i te tokorua kia tika ai te whakahaere i te pakanga, kia māmā ake ai te whakatau i te pakanga, me te kore e taea te hē o te kōrero.
- Ko te pupuri i ngā kare ā-roto me te reo, te kore e hokihoki ki ngā mea o mua, te whai whakaaro me te whakarongo, te whai wā mō te whawhai, te tito kupu haumaru, ko ētahi o ngā huarahi maha hei whawhai tika i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
- Ko ētahi atu tohutohu mō te whawhai tika i roto i te marena ko te kore e tōia ngā tamariki ki te pakanga, te piri ki te take e pā ana, me te karo i te karanga ingoa kino.
- He mea tika kia rapu tohutohu hei ako i te whawhai tika i roto i te marena me ngā whanaungatanga.
He mea tika kia maumahara ko ngā tautohetohe he wāhanga o te ao. Heoi, he whakaaro nui kei roto i te mōhio me pēhea te whiriwhiri, te whakatakoto rānei i ngā ture whawhai tika i roto i ngā whanaungatanga kia noho ora ai. "I taua wā, ka taea hoki te whakatika i te tautohetohe i waenganui mēnā ka whakatau tetahi o te hoa ki te mutu te tautohetohe. He pai mō te katoa," te kī a Devaleena.
Mā ngā ture whawhai tika mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e āwhina i a rātou ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro, kaua ki te karo i te tautohetohe. Mā wai e mōhio, mā te whakatau me te tika ka āwhina pea i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te mārama ake tetahi ki tetahi i te taumata hohonu ake.
FAQs
Kia mōhio ai koe ki te whawhai tika i roto i te marena, me ū koe ki ētahi ture matua. Kia maumahara ki ngā mea pēnei i te whakarongo ki tō hoa rangatira, te karo i te karanga kino, te kore e whakahua i ngā hapa o mua, te tito kupu haumaru, te wā tika mō te pakanga, me te kore e kukume i ngā tamariki ki roto i te raruraru. Hei tāpiri atu ki tēnei, ka taea e te tokorua te whai i ā rāua ake ture e whakaute ana i ō rāua ake rohe kare ā-roto me ō rāua hiahia.
He uaua ki te kī he pai te nui o te pakanga. I te nuinga o te wā, he mea kore e taea te karo i ngā pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, he hauora hoki mēnā ka whakahaerea tika. Ko te mea nui kia mōhiotia i konei ehara i te nui o te pakanga a te tokorua engari ko te pai o tā rāua pakanga. Kaua te pakanga e tino taumaha ki te tokorua, kāore he whakataunga hauora i te mutunga. Ki te mutu ō pakanga me te whakaaro kua tata atu koe ki tō hoa, ā, kei reira te wairua harikoa o te whiwhi i tētahi otinga pai, kāti kaua koe e manukanuka ki te nui o tā kōrua pakanga.
Anei Me Pēhea te Whakamutu i te Tautohe Tonu i roto i te Hononga
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
Ngā
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Me pēhea te aroha ki a koe anō me tō tinana ahakoa te hapori