Te Waipuke o ngā Kare ā-roto: He aha te Tikanga o tēnei i roto i te Hononga?

I a koe e kōrero ana mō te ahotea, ka tīmata koe ki te rongo i te kaha o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i a koe. Ka ngana koe ki te whakahaere i aua kare ā-roto, ki te whakamahi i tō hinengaro whakaaro nui, ki te wikitoria i te āhuatanga, engari kei te pupuhi haere ngā kare ā-roto i roto i a koe. Ā tōna wā, ka rongo koe i ngā kupu e whakahauhia ana e ō whakaaro, engari e ngā kare ā-roto. Kua pāngia koe e tēnei āhuatanga? Ki te mea āe, kua pāngia koe e te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto.

I te mea he āhuatanga tēnei e kore ai e taea e koe te whakahaere i tō urupare ki tētahi kaupapa tino whakaohooho, ka pā kino pea ki ō whanaungatanga aroha. Kei te pōhēhē koe mō te mahi a te waipuke kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, me pēhea hoki e taea ai e koe te whakaiti?

Mā te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro Pragati Sureka (MA i roto i te Hinengaro Hauora, ngā whiwhinga ngaio mai i te Kura Hauora o Harvard), he tohunga ki te aro atu ki ngā take pēnei i te whakahaere riri, ngā take mātua, te tukino, me te marena kore aroha mā roto i ngā rauemi kaha kare ā-roto, me titiro tātou ki ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio mō te kaupapa.

He aha te Waipuke o ngā Kare ā-roto?

"He ahiahi Wenerei taumaha, ā, i te whaia e au tētahi wā mutunga. I pātai atu ahau ki taku tāne mēnā ka taea e ia te taka kai, ā, ka kōrero whakatoi ia mō taku whakahaere i a ia. I tino pārekareka ahau ki tēnā, ā, ka hamama ahau mō taku mahi anō hoki, ā, i taea e ia te āwhina. I ohorere ia, ka tīmata ia ki te tiaki i tana kōrero, me te kī he nui rawa taku tauhohenga. I taua wā tonu, ka pā mai ngā ahotea me ngā kare ā-roto ki ahau, ā, ka tukua e au kia whakahaere rātou. He roa tā māua tautohe, ā, kāore i kōrero tae noa ki te ata i muri mai," te kī a Nicole, he rōia umanga 29-tau te pakeke.

Mena he mea rongonui te wheako o Nicole i roto i tō hinengaro, kua pāngia koe e te waipuke kare ā-roto. He maha ngā wā ka puta ake i ngā wā ka kōrero tetahi tangata e tata ana ki a koe i tētahi mea kino, he mea whakaohooho rānei, ehara i te mea onge te waipuke kare ā-roto, ā, ka arahi pea ki ngā hua whakararuraru me ngā hua kāore e hiahiatia, pērā i te te mauahara i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Kāore e roa te wā ki te whakaaro he aha te tikanga o te kupu "waipuke kare ā-roto". Ko te tikanga, he āhuatanga e rua, neke atu rānei ngā kare ā-roto – he kare ā-roto tino kaha rānei – e whakaoho ana i tētahi tauhohenga kaha i roto i a koe, ā, ka pēhia koe e ia. I te nuinga o te wā e pā ana ki ngā kare ā-roto kino me ngā āhuatanga uaua, ka ārahi te waipuke kare ā-roto ki te ārahi i ō mahi, ehara i te mea ko ō whakaaro whaitake.

I kōrerohia tuatahitia te kupu i roto i ngā porowhita mātauranga i ngā tau tōmua o te tekau tau atu i 90 i te wā i kōrero a Tākuta JM Gottman whakaputaina he pepa rangahau te kōrero mō te waipuke kare ā-roto me tōna hononga ki te wetewete me te pumau o te marena. Mō te hunga pūtaiao, ko te whakaahuatanga a Gottman mō te waipuke kare ā-roto, e kiia ana ko te Diffuse Physiological Arousal, he urupare a te pūnaha io arohaehae ki te ahotea, i hangaia tuatahitia hei whakatūpato i a tātou ki te tūpono me te āhei i a tātou ki te tere ake te urupare ki te tiaki i a tātou anō.

Mā te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto ka pāngia koe e te taumahatanga, ka whakahohehia tō urupare whawhai, rere rānei, ā, ka tukuna ō kare ā-roto kia whakahaere i ō mahi. Te whakamārama i tēnei, Pragati e kī ana, "Ko te tikanga, ko te waipuke kare ā-roto ko te wā ka whakaohokia koe e ngā aituā, e ngā āhuatanga rānei. Hei tauira, ki te wehi te tangata i te teitei, ā, ka titiro iho ia i te teitei, ka kore e taea te whakahaere i a ia, tika? Ka waipuketia ia e te kare ā-roto. Kāore pea ētahi e kite i tēnei he mea nui, engari ko te hunga e wehi ana i te teitei, kāore pea e taea te whakahaere i tā rātou tauhohenga ki tēnei whakaohooho." 

"He maha ngā wā, ka puta te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto nā ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te whakaaro o te tangata ki ngā wheako o mua i waiho he tohu ki a rātou. I te taha o te mahara ki te wheako ka puta mai ngā kare ā-roto e tino taumaha ana, e kore e taea te whakahaere. Nō reira, ka uru tō roro ki te aratau ora. Ka riro i tō tātou roro ngārara te mana whakahaere, ā, ka mutu katoa te wāhanga whakaoti rapanga o tō tātou roro nā te mea kua uru tātou ki te aratau ora. Koinei hoki tētahi o ngā take e puta ai ētahi āhuatanga i ngā tirohanga o tētahi hononga kino i roto i tētahi mea whakaute, hauora hoki."

Mā te hinengaro waipuke kare ā-roto koe e āwhina ki te mārama he aha i mahi ai tō hoa i te wā kāore i whakaarohia e koe, he aha rānei te āhua nei kāore e taea e rātou te kōrero ki a koe mō taua mea kotahi. Me titiro matatau tātou ki ngā tohu waipuke kare ā-roto me ngā mea ka puta i taua wā.

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Mātauranga Hinengaro i roto i ngā Hononga: Kia Mau tonu te Aroha

He aha ngā mea ka tupu i te wā o te waipuke kare ā-roto?

E ai ki tā tātou i kōrero ai i runga ake nei, ka taea e te waipuke kare ā-roto te taupoki i ō whakaaro, me te whakaoho i tētahi urupare tauhohe. Heoi anō, i te taha o te waipuke o tō hinengaro, ka puta anō hoki te waipuke kare ā-tinana, i roto i tō tinana. Whakaarohia ngā mea katoa e pā ana ki tō tinana ina riri koe ki tētahi: ka taumaha haere tō manawa, ka piki ake pea tō toto toto, ā, ka rongo koe i te rere o te toto ki tō mahunga.

Ka whakanuia ake aua tauhohenga e te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto. "Ina tautohetohe nui māua ko taku hoa, ka tīmata ahau ki te manawa nui i ētahi wā. He uaua ki ahau te kōrero mārama, ā, tera pea ka whatiwhati ahau," te kī a Danielle, 24 tau te pakeke, he kaihoahoa.

I a ia e kōrero whānui ana mō te pakanga ki tana tāne, ka tāpiri atu a Nicole, "Ka tīmata te taumaha o tōku mahunga, ā, ka taea e au te rongo i te toto e pupuhi ana i roto i ōku uaua. I tino kaha te patu o tōku ngākau, ā, ka taea e au te rongo i tōna tere i roto i tōku uma."

E kī ana a Pragati, "Ka pōrearea tātou, kāore e taea e tātou te mārama ki a tātou anō, kāore hoki e taea te mārama ki ā tātou mahi. Tērā pea ka pātai tātou ki a tātou anō me ngā mea pēnei i te, "He aha ahau i tino kare ā-roto ai i tēnei āhuatanga, he aha ahau kāore e taea te whakahaere i taku tauhohenga?" Nō reira, tērā pea ka tukua e koe ō kare ā-roto kia kaha ake i a koe, ā, ka tīmata pea te whakaatu i te te kore whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Tērā pea ka kitea ēnei tauhohenga ā-tinana i waho ina pāngia koe e te waipuke kare ā-roto. I roto i tō tinana, kei te whakaputa tō whatukuhu i ngā homoni ahotea, kei te kikī ō uaua toto, kei te whakaputa ngā repe adrenal i te adrenaline, me te noradrenalin, ka tukuna e tō ate te huka ki roto i ō toto, ā, kei te mau tonu, kei te piki rānei te rere o te toto ki tō roro. Nō reira, e mārama ana, kāore te waipuke kare ā-roto e pā ki tō hinengaro anake engari ki tō tinana anō hoki.

He aha ngā tohu o te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?

Ahakoa kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga, kāore rānei, he rite tonu te mahi a ngā tauira waipuke kare ā-roto katoa. E kī ana a Pragati, "Ko ētahi o ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te waipuke kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te nui o te ahotea. Ki te mea kei te ahotea tonu koe, ka nui ake te waipuke kare ā-roto. Ā, ko te waipuke kare ā-roto tonu ehara i te āhua hauora. Nō reira, he mea nui kia nui ake ngā mahi whakaaroaro, kia nui ake te manawa hōhonu, me te tuhi i ngā tuhinga."

Engari, me pēhea te tautuhi i tētahi wā waipuke kare ā-roto? He tohu kare ā-roto, ā-tinana rānei kei reira? Mena koinā, he aha te āhua? Mā Pragati koe e āwhina ki te whakautu i ō pātai katoa.

1. Te kore arotahi me te kore whakaaro e mārama

Ina pāngia koe e ngā whakaaro me ngā kare ā-roto kāore e taea e koe te whakahaere, me te mea kāore e taea e koe te whakaputa i tētahi whakaaro mārama. "Ko te tohu tuatahi o te waipuke o te kare ā-roto ko te ngaronga o tō arotahi nā te kaha o te kare ā-roto. Kāore e taea e koe te whakaaro i te mea nā te mea ka tū tō roro i te taha hinengaro. Ka rongo koe i te wehenga hinengaro nā te mea kāore e taea e koe te tukatuka i ngā mea e tupu ana i tō taha," te kī a Pragati. Tērā pea ka tae atu koe ki tēnei taumata i ngā wā maha atu mēnā he rite ki te Ka huri ia kōrero i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga hei tautohe.

2. Ngā kare ā-roto e pōrearea ana

Ko tētahi o ngā take e tino kino ai te waipuke kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te mea he maha ngā wā ka puta he waipuke kare ā-roto e tino rerekē ana i roto i te wā poto rawa. "Tērā pea ka pāngia koe e te huringa o ō kare ā-roto," te kī a Pragati, "Tērā pea ka tino riri koe, kātahi ka pāngia koe e te manukanuka. Ko te whakautu whawhai-rere rānei. E whakaaro ana koe me tū ake koe mōu ake, me puta atu rānei i te āhuatanga nā te mea kāore e taea e koe te whakahaere i tēnei āhuatanga."

3. Ngā tohu ā-tinana o te waipuke kare ā-roto

"Tērā pea ka kite koe i ngā tohu ā-tinana pēnei i te whero toto o tō mata, te piki haere o te tere o tō manawa, ā, ka mamae tō ngākau. Tērā pea ka tīmata te werawera o ō ringaringa, ā, ka pāngia koe e ngā mura wera," te rārangi a Pragati. Ko ētahi atu tohu waipuke kare ā-roto e pūrongohia whānuitia ana ko te pēhanga o te puku, te uaua ki te manawa, me te raruraru o te kōrero.

He mea noa te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto

Ko te mea hei maumahara māu, he mea noa te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto. Ae, tera pea ētahi āhuatanga i roto i tō koiora ka ngawari ake koe ki te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto, engari he wāhanga tonu tēnei o te whanaketanga ā-tinana o tō tātou whanaketanga – he tauhohenga ā-tinana ki ngā tūmomo whakawehi, kua whakaritea ki roto i a tātou kia taea ai e tātou te whakaora i a tātou anō.

E whakamārama ana a Pragati ahakoa he wheako kino te waipuke kare ā-roto tonu, he maha ngā wā ka kiia te waipuke kare ā-roto he mea noa, he mea pai rānei i ētahi wā, pērā i te āhua o ka taea te kī he pai ngā tautohetohe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga"I ētahi wā i roto i te hinengaro, ka whakamahia pea te waipuke kare ā-roto hei tikanga hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakaora i ngā kare ā-roto kino kua pehia mā te whakaoho i aua kare ā-roto mai i tō hinengaro huna. Hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i ngā kare ā-roto me ngā wehi kua pehia kei a koe." 

"He huarahi pai anō hoki hei tiro atu ki te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto. Hei tauira, kei te mātaki koe i tētahi kiriata, ā, ka waipuketia koe e ngā kare ā-iwi, kei te mātaki rānei koe i tāu hākinakina tino pai, ā, ka taupokina koe e te hihiri, kāore koe i te tino mōhio ki tāu e pā ana." 

"Nō reira, ehara i te mea he wheako kino noa iho. Me mārama tātou he maha ngā wā ka pā mai te waipuke kare ā-roto ki te tangata. Ka uaua te waipuke kare ā-roto ina kore e taea e te tangata te aro atu ki te kaha o ngā kare ā-roto kino ka ara ake. Hei tauira, te pouri, te mamae, te hae, te riri rānei. Ina tino kino tō urupare, ka pū ake ō io, ka kore e taea e koe te whakaaro mārama, ā, ka kore e taea e koe te whakahaere i tō urupare kino, ka noho hei raruraru."

He tino uaua te whakatau i ngā mamae o te waipuke kare ā-roto mā ngā tāne, nā te mea ko te waiaro whānui ki te pehi i ngā kare ā-roto e whakaaro ana rātou he mea hē, he mea rerekē rānei te waipuke kare ā-roto. Mā te whakaaro noa me whakatau tātou katoa i ō tātou kare ā-roto, ka taea e tātou te āwhina i ētahi atu kia pai ake te urupare ki ngā waipuke kare ā-roto.

Kua whakaatuhia e ngā rangahau a Tākuta Gottman he nui ake te tūponotanga o ngā tāne ki te waipuke o ngā kare ā-tinana i ngā wāhine. Haunga tēnā, e mōhio ana te katoa ki te mahi a te tāne ki te whakaatu i ngā kare ā-roto. Nā te mea he āhua tō te tāne ki te kore aro me te pehi i ngā kare ā-roto, kāore he mea miharo ka pakaru mai ēnei kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi wā waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto.

He aha te take o te waipuke kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?

"Ko te take e kōrero ana mātou mō te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā, ka tino whakaohokia mātou e te maha o ngā mea e puta ana i roto i a mātou." hononga piripono. Tērā pea nā te mea e tumanako ana tātou kia tautoko mai tētahi tangata i a tātou, kia whakahoahoa, kia aroha ki a tātou, me ngā mea katoa i raro i te rā. Ki te kore tēnā e tupu, ka arahi pea ki te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto.

"He maha ngā wā ka puta te waipuke kare ā-roto ina kore tetahi e whakatutuki i ō hiahia i te huarahi e hiahia ana koe. Ko tā mātou e kite nei i roto i te rongoā hinengaro, he maha ngā mamae o te tamarikitanga kāore anō kia tukatukahia e ēnei tāngata. He maha ngā wā kua taunga rātou ki te titiro ki tētahi mea i waho atu i a rātou anō e whakahaere ana i ō rātou kare ā-roto o te harikoa, o te pouri rānei," te kī a Pragati.

He rerekē pea te take o te waipuke kare ā-roto mō te katoa, engari ko ngā āhuatanga noa pēnei i te ahotea tonu, te pupuri rānei i ngā kare ā-roto kino te take. Me tūtaki tātou katoa ki ngā āhuatanga taumaha, taumaha rānei i tētahi wā, nō reira, kāore e taea te whakakore i te tūponotanga o te waipuke kare ā-roto mō te tangata.

Heoi, ki te mea kei roto koe i tētahi wā uaua, he tangata tairongo rānei, he nui ake te tūponotanga ka pāngia koe e te waipuke kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi āhuatanga taumaha. He tino pāngia hoki te hunga e pāngia ana e te pouri, e te mate rānei. Anei ētahi atu mea e whakaoho ana i te waipuke kare ā-roto:

1. Ngā whanaungatanga paitini

Ko te waipuke kare ā-roto ka puta mai i te āhua o te ahotea, te mamae rānei. Tērā pea ka puta te waipuke kare ā-roto i te tauhohenga ki tētahi huihuinga mamae, kino rānei. Nga wero whakawhanaungatanga ka taea te waiho hei take mō te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto. He mea tata nei ako Kua whakaatuhia e te rangahau mō te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā marena he ngawari ake te pāngia o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i te marena e pouri ana, e pāngia ana rānei e te tutu a te hoa piripono.

Nō reira, ehara i te mea miharo te maha o ngā waipuke kare ā-roto e puta ana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga pōuri, kino rānei. Nā te mea he kaupapa noa te pehi i ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga kino, ina haere tonu koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu i te taha o tō hoa, ehara i te mea onge te tuku i ngā kare ā-roto kua puritia mā roto i ngā pahūtanga kare ā-roto. Ka taea e te pehi me ngā pahūtanga te huri hei huringa kino, ka arahi pea ki te aukati me te heke o ngā whanaungatanga.

2. Te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto i muri i te whanoke

I te wā e pā ana ki te puremu, ka waiho pea te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto hei arai ki te aro atu me te whakatau i te raruraru. Mā te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto i muri i te puremu ka taea e ō kare ā-roto te whakakore i ō whakaaro whaitake, ka maka atu hoki i ngā kōrero kino, whakahihi ki tō hoa. I te mea kei te whakaaro koe kua hē koe, kua tinihangatia hoki, ka tukua pea e koe tō riri – he mea noa tēnei e puta ai te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto – kia kaha ake ai, kia whakakitea ai te mamae o te tinihanga i a koe.

E kōrero ana a Danielle mō tana wheako, "I a au e ngana ana ki te neke atu i te whanaungatanga a taku tāne, he maha ngā wā ka kitea ahau e te riri me te tinihanga. Mō te marama kotahi, he uaua ki ahau te kōrero tika ki a ia, ā, ka tukuna e au taku riri ki a ia i ngā wā katoa e taea ai e au."

Te hinga ki te waipuke o te hinengaro i muri i te tinihanga ka uaua ake māu te tukatuka me te neke atu i tēnā. He mea tika kia arotahi koe ki te tautuhi me te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto. Kia taea rā anō te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto me ō whakaaro, ka pai ake tō whakahaere i te āhuatanga, ā, kāore e whakangaro.

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3. Te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto me te aukati i te tangata

Ina kei roto koe i te āhua tino tairongo, inā koa mō ngā take e pā ana ki ngā whanaungatanga, ka nui ake ngā āputaputa o te tawhiti me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mēnā ka pāngia koe e te waipuke o te kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka puta he mamae, he riri rānei i taua wā tonu, engari ki te nui haere te pānga, ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka mutu te ngana a tō hoa ki te kōrero, ki te kōrero rānei mō ngā take tairongo ki a koe. I te nui haere o te mamae o te waipuke o te kare ā-roto, ka noho puku pea tō hoa, ka ārai i a koe kia aro atu ki te waipuke o te kare ā-roto me te ārai i a koe anō.

I a ia e kōrero ana mō te pānga o te waipuke kare ā-roto ki tana whanaungatanga, e kī ana a Nicole, "Whai muri i tā māua pakanga tuatahi mō te tunu kai, ka noho hei kaupapa tairongo. I ia wā ka kōrero māua mō taua mea, ka hamama ahau ki a ia, ā, kāore i mutu pai. Whai muri i ētahi wā o te waipuke kare ā-roto me tana aukati i ahau, ka karo māua ko taku tāne i te kōrero roa; me te kī he pai ake te kore kōrero mō taua mea i te whawhai anō."

Ka rite ki fokotuu te ingoa, te aukati i roto i ngā whanaungatanga Ko te wā tēnei e kore ai tō hoa e pai ki te kōrero katoa, ka ārai i a koe i ētahi wāhanga o tōna ao, ā, kāore hoki koe e whai wāhi ki ngā kaupapa tairongo. He take noa iho tēnei hei whakaoho i te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto ā muri ake nei, ā, me aro atu ki tēnā, i roto i te rongoā hinengaro, i te wā e taea ai.

4. Te pehi i ō kare ā-roto

Mā te pehi i ō kare ā-roto ka nui haere ngā whakaaro me ngā kare ā-roto i roto i a koe. Haunga te tauhohe ki ngā mea whakaaweawe, ka taea hoki e tēnei te tuku i te riri me te taumahatanga kare ā-roto kua puritia ki runga i tō hoa i a koe e tautohetohe ana mō tētahi kaupapa rerekē.

He kino tēnei, ehara i te mea mōu anake, engari mō tō whanaungatanga anō hoki. "Me te mea kei roto ahau i tētahi huringa, horomia tōku riri i te roanga o te rā "ā, me te whakapuaki i ngā mea katoa i taku kōrero ki taku tāne i te mutunga o te rā," te mahara a Danielle. Nā reira, ka kino haere ngā tohu waipuke kare ā-roto.

5. Te waipuke hei taputapu

Ko te hunga kāore e aro ki ō rātou kare ā-roto, ka huri pea rātou ki te waipuke hei taputapu, he maha ngā wā kāore e mōhiotia ana. Ka puta tēnei whakaaturanga o te waipuke, inā koa ko te hunga kāore i hoatu ki a rātou ngā taputapu hei whakahaere i ō rātou kare ā-roto i ō rātou tau tipu ake, ā, he maha ngā wā ka waihotia rātou kia whakamarie i a rātou anō e ō rātou kaitiaki matua, e ō rātou mātua rānei. E ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai, he uaua te hinengaro waipuke kare ā-roto.

Ko te hinengaro waipuke, e mōhiotia whānuitia ana i ēnei rā ko te whakaora waipuke, he tikanga e whakamahia ana i roto i te hinengaro hinengaro hei aro atu ki ētahi mea ka puta ai he tauhohenga kare ā-roto. Ko te whakaora waipuke he huri i te pānga o te waipuke kare ā-roto ki te tinana me te hinengaro, mā te whakamahi i te pānga ki ngā āhuatanga ahotea hei aro atu me te whakatau i ngā mea ka puta ai.

Ahakoa te āhua rerekē o tēnei tikanga, kua whakamahia tēnei tikanga i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te ao i ngā tekau tau kua pahure ake nei. Ahakoa kāore pea te tangata e whakamahi ana i tēnei taputapu hei whakatau i ngā kare ā-roto e mōhio ana ki ngā āhuatanga uaua o te hinengaro waipuke, tera pea kei te whakaata ā-tinana tonu rātou i taua tikanga.

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Me pēhea te whakatau i te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga

Tae noa mai ki tēnei wā, kua ako mātou ka taea e ngā kōrero uaua te arahi ki te mura o ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka puta pea he waipuke kare ā-roto. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake te tautuhi i te wā e anga atu ana te kōrero ki te rohe pukuriri, koretake rānei, ā, me okioki mō tētahi wā ka hoki anō ki reira i muri mai. Anei ētahi mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakamahere me te whakatau i te waipuke kare ā-roto:

1. Arotahi ki tō manawa

Ka puta te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto ina kaha ake ō kare ā-roto ki te kaha ake i tō whakaaro whaitake, ka whakaoho i te whakaaro nui rawaKo tētahi o ngā tohu ā-tinana e kitea whānuitia ana ko te manawa taumaha, te manawa tere rānei. Mā te aro ki tēnei mahi ngāwari, pumau o te tinana ka taea e tātou te whakatau pai i ngā wā waipuke kare ā-roto.

"Ko te mea tuatahi, ko te mea pai rawa atu hoki, ko te tīmata ki te manawa. Tīmata ki te manawa hōhonu, ka whakapūmau i a koe ki roto i tō manawa mēnā kei te kaha haere tō manawa. Mēnā rānei kei te kore e taea te whakahaere i tō tautohetohe, ko te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe ko te manawa," te kī a Pragati.

Mā te arotahi ki tō manawa, me te ngana ki te tango manawa hōhonu, pumau, ka tino āwhina. Mā ngā manawa hōhonu ka whakahohe i te wāhanga "okioki me te nakunaku" o tō tinana (te pūnaha io parasympathetic), ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakangā, ka whakanui ake i te rere o te toto ki ō whekau o roto, ā, ka pumau hoki te tere o tō ngakau.

"I kitea e au ko te whakawhanake i tētahi tikanga o te aro nui ki te manawa i āwhina i ahau ki te whakatau i ngā āhuatanga taumaha, inā koa ko taku tāne. I tīmata hoki ahau ki te whakaaroaro, ā, ka nui ake taku mana whakahaere i aku whakaaro mā te manawa, ā, nā tēnei i pai ake ai taku whanaungatanga me taku mahi hoki," te kī a Nicole.

E whakaaro ana a Pragati ki tētahi tikanga hei āwhina i te hunga e pāngia ana e te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto. "Ko tētahi tikanga ka taea e koe te whakamātau ko te tikanga whakatō. Mānu atu ki roto, tirohia ngā mea e karapoti ana i a koe, ka ngana ki te whakauru i aua mea ki roto i tō hinengaro. Tirohia te mea kei mua i a koe, te āhua o te papanga o tō tīhāte, me te āhua o te hau i tō mata. I taua wā tonu, ka taea e koe te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto ahakoa kei roto koe i te waenganui o te tautohetohe."

2. Tautuhia o kare-a-roto

He mea e mōhiotia whānuitia ana ko te whakaae me te whakaingoa i ō kare ā-roto ka āwhina i a koe ki te tukatuka pai ake i aua kare ā-roto, me te tuku atu i te mana whakahaere nui ake ki a rātou. ako Nā te Ahorangi o UCLA, a Matthew Lieberman, me āna hoa mahi, i whakaatu ko te whakaingoa i ō kare ā-roto kino pēnei i te riri, te pōuri, te wehi rānei ka whakamarie i te Amygdala, he wāhanga o te roro e āwhina ana ki te tautuhi me te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto.

Mā te tautuhi i ngā kare ā-roto ina mura ake, ka taea e koe te āwhina ki te whakakore i tō rātou kaha. Mā te maha o ngā wā ka whai wā koe ki te mōhio ki ō kare ā-roto, ka pai ake tō whakahaere. Ā tōna wā, ka tae koe ki tētahi wā kāore ō kare ā-roto e whakawehi ana i a koe engari kua noho hei wāhanga o ō wheako o ia rā.

E kī ana a Pragati he mahi hei āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i ō kare ā-roto, "Mēnā he tangata koe e tino pāngia ana e te ahotea, ā, he ngāwari ki te pāngia e te waipuke kare ā-roto, ka taea e te tuhi i tētahi rātaka te āwhina nui i a koe ki te mārama ki ngā raruraru me te tautuhi i ō kare ā-roto." 

3. Kia okioki

He taputapu rongonui te whakamarie i a koe anō hei whakatau i te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto. He aha te whakamarie i a koe anō? Āe, ina pāngia koe e te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto, he maha ngā tauhohenga ā-tinana o tō tinana, e ai ki tā tātou i kōrero ai i runga ake nei. Hei whakamatao me te whakatau i taua āhua ā-tinana, e 20 meneti pea te roa e hiahiatia ana e te nuinga o te tangata. Mā te okioki me te mahi i tētahi mea whakangāwari, whakaohooho rānei ka āwhina i a koe ki te tango i a koe i te āhua. Ko te mea nui ko te whakapau i te wā ki te whakamarie i tō hinengaro, i tō tinana, ā, i a koe anō hoki.

He rerekē te huarahi pai ki te whakamarie i a koe anō i ia tangata, i ia tangata. Mā te hikoi haere i te poraka me te mātakitaki i te taiao ka āwhina i ētahi tāngata. Ko ētahi ka whakatau ki te tuku i ō rātou kaha ki tētahi atu mahi pēnei i te mātakitaki i tētahi ataata rorirori, te kōrero rānei ki tētahi hoa, te whakapau moni rānei wā kounga me tētahi e arohaina ana. E whakamārama ana a Pragati i te āhua o te okiokinga i te wā e waipuke ana ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, "I muri i tō whakapūmau i a koe ki tō manawa, kī atu ki tō hoa he meneti koe hei kohikohi i a koe me ō whakaaro."

"Ko tētahi atu mea tino whai hua ko te whakarērea i te āhuatanga i puta ai te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto i te tuatahi. Inu wai, okioki, haere ki te wharepaku, tauhiuhia he wai ki tō mata, ā, kia marino koe. Kōrero ki a koe anō, kia atawhai hoki ki a koe anō. Hei tauira, ki te kite koe i tētahi tamaiti e tangi ana i te toa hokohoko, me whakamarie tuatahi koe i te tamaiti, ā, ko reira anake ka taea e koe te kōrero ki a rātou, tika? Waihoki, kia manawanui ki a koe anō."

4. Tātarihia ō kare ā-roto

Kia whai wā koe ki te tango i a koe anō i te waipuke o te kare ā-roto, kia whai wā rānei koe ki te whakaaro ki te take i puta ai, he mea pai kia tātarihia ngā kare ā-roto kua tautuhia, kua whakahuatia rānei e koe. Pātaihia he aha i puta ai taua kare ā-roto i roto i te āhuatanga, me te aha hoki i tino pāngia ai koe. Mā te whakaaroaro ki te take i puta ai te āhuatanga, ka taea e koe te wehewehe i ngā kare ā-roto me te mārama ki tō tauhohenga. Ma tēnei ka āwhina i a koe ki te aro atu ki te āhuatanga i ngā wā katoa ka puta ake.

I a ia e kōrero ana mō tana tukanga, e kī ana a Danielle, "I kitea e au te riri i ia wā ka whakatuwherahia e au ngā karere kuputuhi a taku tāne nā te mea i kitea e au tana moepuku mā te tūponotanga o tana whakawhitiwhiti karere kuputuhi me te wahine kē. I roto i ngā huarahi maha, ka waiho hei whakaoho i ahau. Nō reira ka tīmata ahau ki te waea atu ki a ia i ngā wā katoa e hiahiatia ana e au, ā, i te mutunga, ka taea e au te hoki ki te tuku karere kuputuhi ki a ia me te kore e whakaaro ki ngā mea o mua, me te kore hoki e whakaoho i ahau."

5. Mahi

Kua whakaatuhia hoki e te rangahau ngā tāngata e whai wāhi ana ki te whakakorikori tinana ā, kua taunga ki te aro atu ki ngā āhuatanga werawera me te ahotea, he nui ake tō rātou ātete ki te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto. He tikanga pai te whakakorikori tinana hei whakangungu i tō tinana me tō hinengaro hoki ki te aro atu ki ngā āhuatanga whakararuraru.

Ka whakanui ake i te kaha o tō tinana ki te aro atu ki ngā ahotea, ā, ka āwhina i a koe ki te aro atu ki ngā āhuatanga uaua o te hinengaro. Ka taea hoki e koe te whakamātau i te whakakori tinana hei mahi noa mā kōrua ko tō hoa. Mā tēnei ka āwhina i a kōrua kia piri ake, kia pai ake ai hoki te kōrero.

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6. Kōrero ki tō hoa

He rautaki pai te whai wāhi atu ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa mō ngā wā e waipuke ana ō kare ā-roto: ngā take i puta ai, me ō kare ā-tinana. Ehara i te mea ka āwhina noa tēnei i a koe ki te tātari i te wā mā te whakamārama, engari ka akiaki hoki i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe ki roto i ō mahi ki te ārai i aua wā.

Nō reira, kaua e mau ki te huringa o te waipuke kare ā-roto me te aukati, whakamahia hei hanga i te pānga rerekē. Ka hua ake he hua pai ake mō tō whanaungatanga. Mā te whakapuaki i ō wheako ki te waipuke kare ā-roto ka taea te whakatipu i te tikanga o te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto me ngā mamae, ka taea ai te whakaiti i tēnei āhuatanga ki te whānuitanga nui. Ko te rangahau atu mō ngā rautaki whakatau me te whakamahere tahi mō aua rautaki he taputapu pai hei ārai, hei whakaiti rānei i ngā wā kei te heke mai.

I runga anō i tō whakamarie, ka taea e te rongoā hinengaro te āwhina i te whakatau i te waipuke kare ā-roto. Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro, e te kaiako rānei te āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i ō kare ā-roto, ngā tauira e arahi ana ki ngā wā waipuke, me ngā tikanga hei whakatau i ngā āhuatanga motuhake. Ko te toro atu ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro me tō hoa ka āwhina pea i a rātou ki te mārama ake ki a koe me ō kare ā-roto. Mā te mahi tahi, ehara i te mea ka taea e kōrua te whakatau i te waipuke kare ā-roto anake, engari ka taea hoki e kōrua te piri ake i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

Mena he rongoā whakaora tāu e rapu nei, Te rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro o Bonobology, tae atu ki te tohunga hinengaro a Pragati Sureka tonu, e hiahia ana ki te ārahi i a koe i ia taahiraa o te huarahi.

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