"He aha te whanaungatanga kāore he pakanga, he tautohetohe?" he kīwaha rongonui tēnei. He mea noa iho, ka pā mai he totohe, he amuamu ki ngā marena, ki ngā whanaungatanga roa rānei. Engari, ki te mea he tautohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka tere haere ngā mea ki te wehenga.
Ahakoa i te tēpu kai, i te pāti, i roto rānei i te whakamarie o ō rātou rūma moe, ka kore e taea e ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine te ārai i te ngangau tetahi ki tetahi. He maha ngā momo o tēnei – he whakaeke whaiaro, he tuku kōrero whakatoi, he hamama nui kia oho ake ai ngā hoa noho tata… Ā, he kino te whakaata o ēnei katoa ki tō oranga.
Ka tangohia te rangimārie e te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa he āhuatanga noa, ā, kua taunga pea koe ki tēnei momo marena, ehara i te mea tika kia whakahaere i a koe anō. Pānuihia kia kitea ai he aha te āhua nei kei te taha tonu ētahi here, me pēhea hoki te whakamutu i te tautohetohe ki tō hoa rangatira i ētahi wā.
Ngā Take o ngā Tautohe Whakawhanaungatanga
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ko tō hoa aroha te mea e tino tata ana ki a koe. He rerekē ō kōrua āhua ngā momo whanaungatanga Me noho tahi me rātou, me whakaaro nui ki a rātou, ā, he wāhanga rātou o tō hītori, o nāianei, me tō heke mai. Kua mārama ake rānei ki a koe te hiranga o tēnei hononga? He mea whakaharikoa tēnei whanaungatanga… Engari he maha hoki ngā mea hei tautohetohe māu.
I runga i te taumata o tō kōrua whanaungatanga (me tōna kaha), ka tautohe kōrua ko tō hoa. Tērā pea ka poto noa te tautohe mō tētahi mea iti noa iho, ka piki ake rānei hei pakanga nui. Engari he aha ngā take e tautohetia ana e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine? Anei ngā take e tino kitea ana:
- Te kore kaha: I tētahi wā o te whanaungatanga, ka kitea e ia tangata kei te nui ake tā rātou tuku i a rātou anō i tā rātou hoa. Ka puta te tautohetohe, "Kāore e taea e koe te mahi i tēnei māku?" I te nuinga o te wā, ka tīmata hoki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te tatau i ngā mea e tika ana.
- Ngā raruraru o ia rā: Ko te horoi, te akuaku, ngā mahi kāinga, te tiaki tamariki (mēnā he mea kei roto), te wehewehe kawenga, me ērā atu mea, ka waiho hei take tautohetohe mā ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. He nui ake te kitea o ēnei tautohetohe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga roa, i ngā marena rānei.
- Ngā take pūtea: Mena he tangata whakapau moni tetahi o ngā hoa, ko tētahi he tangata penapena moni, kāore e roa ka tīmata te tautohe. Ka taea te whakatau i ēnei momo tautohe mā te whakaae tahi me te whakarerekē i ngā tikanga a ngā taha e rua.
- Ngā huarahi rerekē: Ae, kāore e taea e te tokorua te whakaae tahi i ngā mea katoa. Engari ina tino rerekē ngā huarahi a te tokorua ki te whakatau i tētahi āhuatanga, ka kore e taea te whakataurite i ngā rerekētanga. Tērā pea he mea whakakatakata ki a ia te nuinga o ngā mea, engari he tino aro nui tana wahine.
- Ira: Hototahi ā-ira tangata He mea nui te ngākau māhaki mō te hauora o te whanaungatanga. Koinei te take e tautohetohe ai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine mō ngā mea e pā ana ki waenganui i ngā moenga. Tērā pea he apo te hoa i te moenga, kāore rānei he rohe moepuku kua tautuhia.
Ka taea anake te tīmata ki te ine i te kino i puta i muri i te pahemotanga o te awha. Pērā anō hoki te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga. Kia kitea tātou me pēhea.
He aha te pānga o te tautohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga?
E kī ana a Esther Perel, he kaiwhakaora hinengaro rongonui, he kaituhi, he kaikōrero hoki, ko te tautohetohe he "pakanga mau tonu, iti noa iho te kaha." Ā, ka pā te pakanga ki tō tuakiri. Ina kei roto koe i te āhua o te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea ko tō hinengaro anake te pānga engari ko tō tinana anō hoki.
In he rangahau I whakahaerehia e te Ohio State University Wexner Medical Centre, i whakamātauhia ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whawhai nui ana ka nui ake te tūponotanga ki te pāngia e te turuturu o ngā whekau, ka tukuna ngā huakita ki roto i te toto. Nō reira, ka piki ake ngā mate e puta ai te mumura.
E ai ki te American Psychological Association, i te tau 2019, ko te reiti whakarere i Amerika he 50%, ā, kotahi te whakarere i pūrongohia i ia 13 hēkona. He mea whakamīharo, i kitea ko te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga te mea nui. tuarua te nuinga te take i whakahuatia (tata ki te 56%) mō te whakarere i waenga i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Mena i whakaaro koe he mea noa te tautohetohe tonu me te totohe, me hoatu e ēnei tatauranga he whakaaro nui ki a koe.
E whakaatu ana tēnei kāore e roa te noho o ngā whanaungatanga i te wā e pāngia ana te tāne me te wahine e te mate korere ā-waha, ā, e rite ana te whare ki te whare whakataetae ā-waha a te WWF. Heoi anō, ka puta te mamae, te ahotea hinengaro me ngā mate tinana i ngā tautohetohe whanaungatanga. Anei me pēhea te whakaora i te āhuatanga me te whakamutu i te whawhai pinepine.
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Me pēhea te whakamutu i te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga?
Ko te tikanga, e kiia ana ka tīmata ngā pakanga i te toru, i te tuawhā rānei o ngā rā. Engari, kāore e taea te kī me te tino mārama. I ētahi wā ka pai te haere o te wā whakaipoipo katoa… Ā, ka kite ohorere koe kāore e taea e kōrua te tū atu tetahi ki tetahi i muri i te marena. Ko te wā tēnā ka tīmata ai ngā rerekētanga, ā, ka āta haere te tautohetohe. Ko te mutunga mai o ēnei tautohetohe he nui ngā ngangau me ngā tatau e pakaru ana.
Ahakoa he mea kāore e taea te karo i ētahi pakanga, ko te mea nui ko te mahi i ngā mahi hei karo i ngā tautohetohe iti i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ko tāu whāinga he ngana ki te whakatau i ngā rerekētanga Me kōrero tahi me tō hoa, ā, me whakahaere ngā tautohetohe i runga i te ngākau māhaki, te whakaaro nui me te mārama. Anei ētahi whakaaro:
1. Me pēhea taku whakamutu i te tautohetohe ki taku hoa? Kia mōhio ki ngā tauira, ā, karohia
He aha tātou i nui ai te tautohetohe? Ahakoa he whanaungatanga mārena, he whanaungatanga kē atu rānei o te ao, ko te whakautu ki tēnei pātai kei roto i ngā tauira. I te nuinga o te wā, ka whawhai tonu tātou mō ngā mahi o mua kāore e taea te whakarere. Ko ngā raruraru o mua, ko ngā whanaungatanga rānei, ka puta ake i roto i ngā pakanga o nāianei, ka uaua ake ngā take. Kāore i te aro nui ki te raruraru kei mua i a koe ina hoki whakamuri koe i te mahara.
Ko tētahi atu take ko te karo i te tautohetohe i te tīmatanga, ā, ka tukua ngā raruraru kia pirau, kia huri hei mea nui ake. He tohu tēnei mō raruraru korero Koinei te mate o ngā whanaungatanga katoa. Ā, ko te mea nui, ka huri te pakanga hei mea kino ina whakataetae ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kia rangona ō rātou whakaaro. Ina huri ngā kōrero hei tautohetohe a Fox News, ka mutu te noho atawhai.
2. Haere atu i mua i te mea ka nui rawa te raruraru
Kia tino wera rawa, haere atu. Ki te raru kōrua tokorua te whakahaere i tō riri, whakarite kawenata i te tīmatanga o te marena: Ka haere atu tētahi o kōrua i te wā e tautohe ana. He tikanga whai hua tēnei hei whakamutu tonu i te tautohetohe ki tō hoa rangatira.
Ko te tikanga ka tīmata te pakanga e tetahi o ngā hoa, ā, ka piki haere te riri ina whakautu mai tetahi ki tetahi. Ki te hoki whakamuri te hoa tuarua i mua i te hurihanga o ia kōrero hei tautohetohe, ka taea te whakatau i te raruraru. Kia mahara ki te wā e puta ke ai te āhua. Tangohia he manawa hōhonu, ka whakatau kia haere atu.
3. Kati te tiaki me te whakahē
E ai ki a Esther Perel, ko te whakahē tetahi o ngā mea tino whakamate i te whanaungatanga. "Ko te whakahē tonu ka puta te ritenga kē atu i tā tātou e rapu nei i roto i te whanaungatanga, arā, ko te aroha me te whakaute." I roto i te aratau arohaehae, kei te tauhohe koe, ehara i te whakaaroaro. Kātahi ka kino ō whakaaro. Ka tāpiri atu a Perel kei runga i te maunga o ngā hiahia me ngā wawata kāore anō kia tutuki te whakahē. Ko te whakautu, ehara i te tauhohe, tetahi o ngā mahi tinihanga tawhito rawa atu o te ao hei aukati i te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga.
4. Whakautua ngā kare ā-roto tūturu, kaua ngā tautohetohe ā-mata
E ai ki te kaiako ora a Jay Cadet, he tino whakarihariha te whawhai mō ngā mea kotahi. Ina kī te tāne, 'E hiahia tonu ana taku wahine ki te whawhai' ā, ka whakahoki te wahine, 'E tīmata ana ia i ngā whawhai', he whakapae kē tā rāua tetahi ki tetahi. Kāore te whakawhitiwhiti whakapae i āwhina i tētahi whanaungatanga. Me pēhea rā te huri-whakapae hei āwhina i te tipu?
"Ki te tautohe koe kāore tō hoa e horoi ana i ngā rihi, ehara i te mea ko ngā rihi te raruraru engari ko te mea pea kei te whiwhi tautoko nui koe mai i a ia. Nō reira, arotahi ki te aro atu ki ngā kare ā-roto kei muri i tētahi take," te kī a Cadet. Mā tēnei tikanga pea ka āwhina i a koe ki te mutu te tautohetohe ki tō hoa wahine i ia rā. Kia maumahara tonu he paparanga ngā pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
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5. Ehara i te mea e kōrerohia ana e koe, engari ko te āhua o tāu kōrero
He aha te rerekētanga i waenga i te kōrerorero, te kōrerorero, me te whawhai? Ko te reo te mea nui. Ko te MEA e whakaatu ai koe i tō whakaaro. Ka rerekē te pānga o te kōrero kotahi ina kōrerotia i roto i te reo marino. Ā, koinei tētahi o ngā kī ki te whakamarie i te hoa riri, i te hoa mamae rānei.
Ki te tautohetohe kōrua ko tō hoa, whakamahia te reo tika kia kore ai ia e ārai tonu. Kaua e takahi i te ture. nga rohe whanaungatanga hauora, ā, kaua e whakanui rawa i tō reo, kaua hoki e tūpato ina tupu. Kōrero āta kia mārama te tikanga o ō kupu. Kāore e taea te mutu te tautohetohe me te kore e kōrero mārire.
6. Akohia te toi o te whakarongo hei whakamutu i te whawhai
He mahi toi te whakarongo. Nga momo rangahau Me whakamārama atu ko te 70 ki te 80% o te wā e pau ana i te tangata ki te kōrero, ā, ko te 45% o ēnei e pau ana ki te whakarongo. Engari, kāore i te tokomaha te hunga e mōhio ana ki te whakarongo. Ka kōrero nui rātou, ka whakakore i tā rātou kōrero, kāore rānei e rongo i te kōrero e kōrerohia ana.
Ko te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga he hua o te aroha o te tangata ki tōna ake reo. Ngāna kia mārama ki te pūtake o te kōrero a tō hoa (ahakoa e whakaae ana koe, kāore rānei). Kaua e uru atu, engari me taurite te kupu ki te kupu, kia whai wāhi ai koe ki te kōrero whakamutunga. Whakarongo ki a rātou me te hinengaro tuwhera me te ngākau tuwhera – kia aroha, kia manawanui ahakoa ngā pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga.
7. Whāia te ture 30-meneti
E kī ana a Brad Browning, he kaiako mō te wehenga me te whakarere, i tētahi tohutohu whai hua e kiia nei e ia ko te ture 30-meneti. He hononga tata ki te taahiraa i runga ake nei, ko te tango i te 30 meneti hei okioki i MUA i tō urunga ki tētahi kōrero ka wera pea. Koinei te huarahi e ārai ai koe i tētahi whawhai kia kaua e nui ake te hiranga i te whanaungatanga.
"Ka pai ake tō tirohanga, ā, tērā pea ka whakarērea e koe te whakaaro mō te tautohetohe," te kī a Browning. Mēnā kāore kōrua e whakaae, he raruraru rānei, kāore e taea te karo i te whawhai. Engari mā te tango wā okiokinga ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakamatao me te tuku i ngā kare ā-roto kia tau, ka āwhina i a koe ki te kōrero whaitake, kaua ki te pahūtanga o te kare ā-roto."
8. Me whakapau kaha ki te houhia te rongo i muri i ngā tautohe whanaungatanga
Nō reira, kua whawhai kōrua. Tērā pea kua kino rawa atu. Ko te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga he āhuatanga noa pea o tō oranga; kia kore ai e kino, kia kaha ake te whakarite mahere i te pakanga. Mena kua mutu te tautohetohe nui me te kino ki tētahi whakataunga, me utu kōrua i a kōrua anō.
Mātakihia he kiriata, awhiawhi tahi, kai rānei i tētahi tina reka hei kimi i tētahi wairua katakata hei kata māu. Mēnā rānei, moe tāne, moe wahine rānei! He pono tonu te mahi tawhito a te kore e moe me te riri. Te whakapau i te wā kounga He huarahi pai te mahi tahi hei whakamama i te taumahatanga e toe ana. Kihi atu, ka houhia te rongo ki tō hoa kia mutu ai te tautohetohe pinepine ki a rāua.
9. Kati te tuku i ngā tūmomo whakawehi
Ina he tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka puta anō hoki ngā tūmomo whakawehi – arā, te whakarērea o te hoa rangatira, te whara rānei i a koe anō. Tērā pea ka kōrerotia ngā kupu pēnei i te 'Ka tono whakarere ahau' me te 'Ka pupuhi ahau i ahau anō mēnā ka haere tonu koe' i te wā e werawera ana. E mōhio ana tātou katoa ki te whakataukī. he kaha te kupu. Kua tae ki te wā kia mutu tāu tuku i ēnei tūmomo whakawehi.
Ka waiho e rātou he pānga hohonu ki te hinengaro o tō hoa, ā, ka taea e rātou te tauhohe kino. Ko tētahi atu mōrearea, ki te mea he nui tonu tō whakaari, ka mutu pea tō hoa ki te aro nui ki a koe. Ahakoa pēhea, ko tō mate tēnā. Ko ngā tūmomo whakawehi e whakaatu ana i te koretake o te kare ā-roto me te kore haumaru i tō taha.
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10. Rapua he āwhina a te kaitohutohu
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakahaere i ngā tautohe i roto i te whanaungatanga me te marino me te mārama. Ko te riri te pūtake o ngā pakanga katoa, ā, ki te nui haere tō riri, ka iti haere te tūponotanga o te houhanga rongo. Kāore he hua o ngā mahi katoa i tūtohutia i runga ake nei mēnā kei te mau tonu te tautohe i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Ki te kore tetahi mea e angitu ana, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te whakaora i tō marena, he pai ake te rapu i tētahi te āwhina a te kaitohutohuAhakoa kāore pea e taea e rātou te whakaoti i tō raruraru, ka taea e rātou te āwhina i a koe kia mārama ake, kia kitea ai hoki ngā take tūturu kei muri i ngā pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai i mua, he mea noa ngā pakanga; ā, i ētahi wā, he mea hauora te whai i ētahi rerekētanga.
He mahi uaua, he atawhai tonu hoki te mahi i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga roa rānei. He mea tino nui te ako ki te karo i te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga kia ora tonu ai, kia ora ai.
FAQs
He mea noa ngā pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa, engari kāore e pērā te pakanga i ia rā. I ia wā ka whawhai, ka tautohetohe koe, ka puta he āhua kino. E mōhio ana pea koe me pēhea te whakamarie i muri i tēnā, engari i roto i te wā, ka hinga ngā āhuatanga kino i ngā āhuatanga pai o tō marena. He wāhanga nui o te marena ngā tautohetohe me ngā whakahē, engari me hono tahi, me noho tahi hoki kōrua i te pūtake.
Ko te whawhai tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga he tikanga kei te ora, kei te kaha te whanaungatanga. Ko te titiro tēnā ki tēnei mea mā te tirohanga pai. Ko te mea nui i konei ko ngā take e whawhai ana kōrua, he aha te reo e whakamahia ana i te wā o te whawhai, ā, me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi pakanga? Mena he whakatoi, he whakaiti, he whanoke hoki ō whawhai tonu, he mārama kei te hē tetahi mea.
E ai ki te kōrero, mēnā e whā, e rima rānei ngā wā e tautohe ana kōrua, kāore i te kino rawa. Ka noho tonu ngā kōrero e whakahē ana kōrua, e rerekē ana rānei ō kōrua whakaaro mō tō hoa. Tērā pea ka ara ake he tautohetohe. Engari, ki te nui rawa ō kōrua tautohe mō ngā take iti, ā, ka huri hei take nui, ko te tikanga kei tētahi atu wāhi te raruraru tūturu.
Ka noho tahi pea ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whawhai ana mēnā ka whakaute rātou tetahi i tetahi i te pūtake. Mēnā ka pāngia te tokorua e ngā pakanga tonu, ka pāngia e te tūkino tinana, ā, ki te kitea he tohu iti noa iho, ka tino arahina rātou ki ngā kōti whakarere.
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Te wareware i tētahi e pai ana koe ki a ia? Me mahi mā te matatau…
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
