Upangiri Wathunthu Pamagawo 10 Akugwa Mchikondi

Chikondi, mphamvu yosamvetsetseka imene yakopa olemba ndakatulo, anthanthi, ndi olota maloto kwa zaka mazana ambiri, ili ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana. Upangiri wathunthu uwu umasanthula magawo a kugwa m'chikondi, ndikuwunikira zinsinsi zomwe zatidodometsa ndi kutidodometsa kwa zaka zambiri. Mwachitsanzo, kodi kugwa m’chikondi kungathandize? Kodi anthu amayamba bwanji kukondana? Ndipo kugwa m'chikondi kumakhala bwanji?

Ndikaganizira za zomwe ndakumana nazo kuti ndikuthandizeni kupeza mayankho a mafunso ochititsa chidwiwa, ndimakumbutsidwa za kukumana kovutitsa maganizo. Chaputala chimodzi cha moyo wanga chikuwonekera - nthawi yomwe ndinadzipeza ndikuyendetsa labyrinth yomwe inali kugwa m'chikondi. Ulendowu sunali njira yolunjika koma mawonekedwe amalingaliro ndi zodziwikiratu, gawo lililonse ndikusiya chizindikiro chosazikika pa moyo wanga.

Panali nthawi yoyamba ya kugwa m'chikondi, gawo lachisangalalo, pamene ndinakumana ndi mphamvu ya maginito yomwe inandiyandikira pafupi ndi munthu wina m'njira yomwe sindikanatha kufotokoza. Sindinadziwe kuti ichi chinali chiyambi chabe cha zomwe zidzachitike. Ndigwirizane nane pamene ndikutsegula magawo 10 a kugwa m'chikondi.

Kodi Zizindikiro za Kugwa M'chikondi Ndi Chiyani?

Kodi chikondi chimayamba bwanji? Kapena anthu amagwa bwanji mchikondi? Zizindikiro za chikondi zili ngati magulu a nyenyezi mumlengalenga usiku - zobisika koma zakuya, zomwe zimaluka chithunzithunzi cha malingaliro chomwe chingasiye munthu wosangalala komanso wosatetezeka. Pamene tikufufuza zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti chikondi chikufalikira, ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti zizindikiro izi nthawi zambiri zimadutsa malire achikhalidwe, zomwe zimakhala ndi chilankhulo chapadziko lonse lapansi chomwe chimachokera ku kumverera kwa chikondi komwe kumadutsa mawu. Kaya muli kumayambiriro kwa chibwenzi chomwe chikuyamba kapena mukupeza kuti mwakopeka ndi munthu amene mwamudziwa kwa zaka zambiri, zizindikiro izi zimakhala ngati zizindikiro zakumwamba pamapu a ulendo wa mtima:

• Agulugufe m'mimba: Kumverera kwa kugwa m'chikondi nthawi zambiri kumagwirizanitsidwa ndi kugwedezeka, mofanana ndi agulugufe akuwulukira mkati. Ichi ndi chizindikiro chapamwamba cha magawo oyambirira a kugwa m'chikondi. Chisangalalo chamanjenje ndi kuyembekezera musanayambe kuona kapena kuyanjana ndi chinthu chokondedwa ndi zizindikiro zosamvetsetseka
• Malingaliro osakhazikika: Kodi kugwa m'chikondi kumakhala bwanji? Nachi chizindikiro chodziwika bwino kuti mukuyamba kukondana: munthuyo amakhala ndi malingaliro anu mosalekeza, kaya usana kapena usiku, ndipo simungaleke kuwaganizira kapena mumadandaula nawo nthawi zonse. Ndizofanana ndi zomwe zimayambira pomwe chikondi chimakhala mu mtima mwanu
• Kuwonjezeka kwa sensitivity: Chikondi chili ndi njira yowonjezerera kuyankha kwathu. Ngati mukupeza kuti mukugwirizana kwambiri ndi malingaliro ndi zosowa za munthu yemwe mukumufunayo, komanso mukumva kukhudzika kwakukulu kwa chisangalalo ndi zisoni zawo, ndi umboni kwa iye. kugwirizana kozama
• Mphamvu ya maginito: Chikoka cha maginito chomwe chimakukokerani mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo kwa munthuyo ndi chizindikiro china chodziwika bwino. Zimapitirira kukopeka chabe ndi maonekedwe awo; ndi mphamvu yosamvetsetseka yomwe imakukokerani pafupi, kukulitsa chidziwitso cha kuyandikana ndi chiyanjano. Iyi ndi imodzi mwamagawo ofunikira kwambiri pakugwera m'chikondi
• Kuyika patsogolo chisangalalo chawo: Pamene chikondi chimakhazikika, zomwe mumayika patsogolo zimasintha, ndipo chisangalalo ndi moyo wabwino wa ena anu ofunikira zimakhala zofunika kwambiri. Kupereka nsembe zomwe simunathe kuzilingalira tsopano kungaoneke ngati njira yachibadwa yosonyezera chikondi chanu chozama

Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti maganizo achikondi si osiyana kwambiri ndi kumverera kosangalatsa komwe kumachitika chifukwa cha mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukudabwa kuti, "Kodi kugwa m'chikondi kungathandizidwe?", nthawi zambiri, yankho ndi ayi. Kulimbana ndi kumverera kogwa m'chikondi ndi nkhondo yovuta kwa ambiri. Imati, "Ndi njira zawo zatsopano zowululira matupi athu a biochemical ndi neurophysiological, gulu la anthu amakono a Darwinian silinavutike kuchotsa chinsinsi cha chikondi chachikondi.

“Amatiuza kuti tikayamba kukondana timakhala tikugwera mumkokomo wa ma amphetamine ochitika mwachibadwa odutsa m’malo a maganizo a ubongo wathu womwe. Ndicho chifukwa chake timamva kukhala osangalala, ochita mantha, amphamvu, akupanga zinthu, okalamba mwadzidzidzi ngati tili achichepere, ndipo mwadzidzidzi timatsitsimutsidwa ngati takalamba.” Chisangalalo cha chikondi chimakhala m’mitsempha yathu; amphetamine chitetezo chamthupi kapena kutopa, ndipo kugwa kwathu kwaulere kumachepa.

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Zizindikirozi ndi chiyambi chabe cha ulendo wozama. Pamene tikupitilira, tiwona magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi.

Chidule Pamasitepe A Kugwa Mchikondi

Kuyamba ulendo wogwa m'chikondi kuli ngati kuyamba ulendo wopita ku ulendo wosangalatsa, komwe timakumana ndi magawo osiyanasiyana omwe amawongolera malo a ubale wathu wakuya. Gawo lililonse limayamba ndi malingaliro ake, zovuta, ndi mavumbulutso ake, kutitsogolera mu sewero lovuta la chikondi. Mu chidule chathunthu ichi, tiwona magawo osiyanasiyana a chikondi omwe amafotokoza tanthauzo la kugwa m'chikondi , ndikupereka chithunzithunzi cha ulendo wozama komanso wosintha wa mtima.

1. Kodi chikondi chimayamba bwanji? Ndi kukopa

Iyi ndi njira yoyamba mwa njira zambiri zogwera m'chikondi. Mphamvu yoyambirira yomwe imayatsa moto wa chikondi, kukopa, ndi mphamvu ya maginito yomwe imakoka anthu awiri pamodzi. Gawo loyamba la chikondi limadziwika ndi kukoka kosamvetsetseka, makamaka chifukwa cha mawonekedwe awo akuthupi, koma limodzi ndi kuzindikira chinthu chapadera chomwe chimaposa mahomoni osiyanasiyana omwe akugwiritsidwa ntchito. Mu kafukufukuyu , ofufuza "ayesa momwe gawo la ubongo limayankhira kuyika wokondedwa wathu pampando woyamba wachikondi."

2. Kutengeka mtima

Kutengeka mtima ndi gawo lotsatira pamene kutengeka mtima kumakula ndi chilakolako choyaka moto, ndipo bwenzi latsopanolo limakhala maziko a malingaliro ndi zikhumbo. Ndi nthawi yachikhumbo chachikulu, pomwe dziko likuwoneka lowala komanso lowoneka bwino pamaso pa okondedwa, ndipo milingo yokopa imakwera kwambiri kuposa momwe idalili kale. Izi, mosakayikira, ndi gawo laulemerero kwambiri la magawo a kugwa m'chikondi.

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3. Kutulukira

Pamene ubale watsopano ukukulirakulira, gawo lachitatu - gawo lopeza - limatseguka, ndikuwulula magawo a umunthu wa wina ndi mnzake, makhalidwe ake, ndi zolinga zake. Nthawi imeneyi imadziwika ndi chidwi komanso kumvetsetsana kwakukulu. Okwatirana amamva chisoni wina ndi mnzake akamadziwana . Ndipo kukhala m'chikondi kumasinthasintha, kuchoka pakumva chisangalalo kupita kukumva kukhala wokhazikika.

4. Ubwenzi umayamba kupangika mutangoyamba kukonda munthu

Ubwenzi ndi njira yapang'onopang'ono ya kuyandikira kwamalingaliro ndi thupi, kulimbikitsa mgwirizano wakuya ndi kukhulupirirana pakati pa okondedwa. Kuwonjezera pa zotsatira za testosterone ndi chilakolako chogonana chowonjezereka, kumaphatikizapo kukhala pachiopsezo, kulankhulana momasuka, ndi kugawana malingaliro ndi malingaliro amkati - zinthu za nthano. Apa pamene kumverera kwa kugwa m'chikondi kumakhala ndi tanthauzo losiyana.

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5. Kulimbitsa chikhulupiriro ndi gawo lotsatira la kukhala mchikondi

Kudalirana ndiye maziko a ubale wabwino uliwonse. Pa njira zosiyanasiyana zogwera m'chikondi, ichi ndi chofunikira kwambiri chifukwa chimaphatikizapo kuthana ndi mavuto pamodzi, kumanga maziko a kudalirika ndi kudalirana muubwenzi , ndikukhazikitsa chikhulupiriro pa kudzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake. Chikondi muubwenzi sichitanthauza zambiri popanda kudalirana ndipo anthu ambiri amakonda kunyalanyaza mbali yofunikayi.

6. Kumvetsetsa kusiyana

Palibe maubale omwe alibe kusiyana, ndipo gawo lotsatirali likukhudza kuvomereza ndi kuvomereza kuti aliyense ndi wapadera. Ndiko kuyang'anira mikangano ndi chifundo ndi kulimbikitsa kukula mwa kunyengerera. Ilinso ndi gawo lomwe maanja amakumana nalo pambuyo pa gawo la honeymoon. Kuthera nthawi pamodzi kumafunika panthawiyi kuti ubale ukhale wolimba.

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7. Kugwa m'chikondi, ndithudi

Gawo la chikondi ili ndi pamene malingaliro amasintha kuchoka pa chikondi chokonda kupita ku chikondi chozama komanso chokhalitsa. Chimadziwika ndi kulumikizana kwakukulu kwamalingaliro, kumva chitetezo, komanso kudzipereka ku ubwino wa ubale. Apa ndi pomwe okondana amakhalanso mabwenzi apamtima , ndipo panthawiyi, kulimbana ndi malingaliro okondana ndi ntchito yachitsiru. Apa ndi pomwe kukayikira konse ndi zovuta zimatha. Simukufunsanso kuti, "Kodi ndikukondana?" Mukudziwa yankho lake motsimikiza.

8. Kudzipereka

Kudzipereka kumalimbitsa mgwirizano, kutanthauza chisankho chodziwikiratu choyika ndalama mu ubalewo kwa nthawi yayitali. Chikondi mu maubwenzi chimaphatikizapo kukumana ndi zovuta pamodzi, kuthandizira maloto a wina ndi mzake, ndi kuthana ndi mikuntho yomwe imabwera. Mosiyana ndi zoyambira zoyambirira, iyi ndi imodzi mwamagawo okondana omwe amafunikira khama kuti ayende ndikuwonetsetsa kuti onse awiri ali patsamba limodzi.

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9. Chiyanjano chosangalatsa

Mu gawo ili la ubale wachikondi, okwatirana amamva mgwirizano wabwino, komwe amayendera moyo monga mgwirizano. Apa ndi pamene kukhala m'chikondi kumawonetsedwa ndi zolinga zofanana, kulemekezana, kudzisamalira limodzi, komanso kuyamikira kwambiri mgwirizanowo. Anthu akakondanadi , gawoli lidzafika ndithu.

10. Chikondi chosatha mu maubale ndi gawo lomaliza

Gawo lomaliza pamasitepe oti muyambe kukondana limaphatikizapo ulendo wamoyo wonse limodzi. Chikondi chosatha chimadziwika ndi kukhala pa ubwenzi wolimba, kulimbikitsana kosasunthika, ndi kugwirizana komwe kumapirira mayesero. Othandizana nawo akumva olumikizidwa mozama kwambiri kuposa kale pamene akumanga tsogolo limodzi.

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit wina ananena izi ponena za zomwe adakumana nazo ndi magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi: "Zizindikiro zimasiyana kwa mwamuna aliyense. Koma ndikakhala pachikondi, palibe chomwe chimabwera patsogolo pake, ndipo palibe wina kupatula iye. Iye ndiye zonse zomwe ndikufuna, komanso zonse zomwe ndimafuna. Ndikumva zimenezo m'thupi langa ngati kutentha. Zili choncho mosasamala kanthu za nthawi: kaya ndi nthawi yogonana, kuonera kanema, kudya, kugona, kapena ngakhale nthawi yanga yopuma nkhomaliro ndipo ndimafuna kubwerera kuntchito ... sindikufuna kuti zithe. Ndikungofuna kukhala pamenepo ndikumva / kubwezera chikondi chimenecho. Palibe china chilichonse chofunikira."

Pamene tikuwulula magawo a kugwa m'chikondi, funso limakhalapo - kodi anthu amagwa bwanji m'chikondi, ndipo kodi pali kufotokozera kwasayansi kwa nthawi yomwe imayendetsa zinthu zamtima? Tiyeni tifufuze za kafukufuku wa sayansi kuti timvetsetse nthawi ya masitepe a kugwa m'chikondi.

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Kodi kugwa m'chikondi kumamveka bwanji? Kodi kugwa m'chikondi kungathandizidwe? Zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti munthu akhale ndi malingaliro pa wina? Kodi nthawi yapakati yogwa m'chikondi ndi yotani? Kufufuza kwasayansi za njira ndi nthawi yogwa m'chikondi n'kovuta monga momwe malingaliro enieniwo amakhudzira, zomwe zimakhudzidwa ndi zinthu zambiri kuyambira kusiyana kwa munthu mpaka zochitika zakunja. Ofufuza ndi akatswiri a zamaganizo ayesetsa kupeza njira yogwa m'chikondi , poyesa kuwerengera nthawi yomwe imatenga kuti anthu adutse magawo a kukopeka, kukondana, komanso kulumikizana kwakukulu.

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Komabe, ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti kumverera kwa chikondi, kukhala wokhazikika komanso chokumana nacho chaumwini, sikutsata ndondomeko yokhazikika. Zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti muyambe kukondana zingadalire:

• Kusintha kwapayekha: Kafukufuku wa sayansi akugogomezera kuti liŵiro limene anthu amakondana limakhala losiyanasiyana. Zinthu monga umunthu, zomwe zidachitika m'mbuyomu, kuchuluka kwa kukopeka, ndi masitayelo okondana zimathandizira kuti pakhale nthawi yapadera yaulendo wachikondi wa aliyense. Ngakhale kuti munthu mmodzi amatha miyezi yambiri akulimbana ndi funso lakuti, "Kodi ndikugwa m'chikondi?", Wina akhoza kukumbatira maganizo awo mwamsanga kapena kukhulupirira lingaliro la chikondi poyamba.
• Chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu: Zikhalidwe zosiyanasiyana zimatha kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zosiyanasiyana pakuyenda ndi kupita kwa chikondi m'mabwenzi apamtima. A zosiyanasiyana chikhalidwe phunziro zikuwonetsa kuti achinyamata aku America anali okondana kwambiri, kutsatiridwa ndi ophunzira aku Turkey. Otenga nawo gawo aku India anali ndi zigoli zotsika kwambiri zachikondi
• Kusintha kwa mankhwala mu ubongo: Ma neurotransmitters ndi mahomoni, monga oxytocin ndi dopamine, amakhudzidwa ndi zochitika za chikondi. Kusintha kwamankhwala kumeneku kumachitika pamitengo yosiyana kwa anthu osiyanasiyana, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale nthawi zosiyanasiyana zomwe zimawonedwa mu kafukufuku wasayansi wakumva kugwa m'chikondi.
• Matayilo ophatikizika: Psychological attachment styles, monga kuda nkhawa, kupewa, kapena kutetezedwa, zimakhudza momwe anthu amafikira komanso kuyendera zibwenzi. Masitayelowa amatha kukhudza liwiro lomwe munthu amakopeka naye kapena kukumana ndi chikondi. Anthu omwe amadzimva kukhala osatetezeka kwambiri amakhala ndi ubale wovuta ndi chikondi
• Zochitika ndi zoopsa: Zomwe zachitika m'mbuyomu, kupwetekedwa mtima, ndi thanzi labwino lamalingaliro zitha kukhudza kwambiri liwiro lomwe anthu amatsegulira okha ku chibwenzi. Kuchiritsa mabala akale kumatha kufulumizitsa kapena kuchedwetsa kugwa m'chikondi. Mmodzi phunziro anapeza kuti anthu “omwe anakumanapo ndi zowawa kwambiri anali othekera kwenikweni kusonyeza malingaliro achikondi.”

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa zamaganizo a anthu otchuka pankhani ya chikondi, akazi amakonda kukondana mofulumira kuposa amuna. Komabe, ofufuza adapeza kuti zosiyana ndi izi: "Pali chikhulupiriro chofala chakuti akazi amakondana kwambiri ndipo amakonda kukondana mofulumira kuposa amuna. Mayankho ochokera kwa ophunzira aku koleji 172 adawonetsa kuti ngakhale amuna ndi akazi amakhulupirira kuti akazi amayamba kukondana ndi kunena kuti "Ndimakukonda" poyamba muubwenzi, amuna adanenanso kuti ayamba kukondana kale ndipo adachiwonetsa kale kuposa momwe akazi adanenera.

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"Kufufuza kunasonyezanso kuti palibe kusiyana pakati pa kugonana m'mayankhidwe achikondi ku nkhani zokhudzana ndi chikondi ndi chikondi." Zotsatirazi zikusonyeza kuti akazi sangakhale "opusa chifukwa cha chikondi" chomwe anthu amalingalira ndipo amagwirizana ndi lingaliro lakuti malingaliro okhwima ndi osamala a chikondi ali ndi tanthauzo loyenera kwa akazi."

Pomaliza, kuwunika kwasayansi kwanthawi yachikondi kumatsimikizira zovuta zake komanso kudzipereka kwake. Chikondi ndizochitika zomwe zikusintha, zotsutsana ndi zopinga za ndondomeko yokhazikika - Zidzatenga nthawi yochuluka momwe zingafunikire. Magalasi asayansi amapereka zidziwitso zofunikira pazigawo zamtima zomwe sizikudziwika, komabe tanthauzo lenileni la kugwa m'chikondi likadali ulendo waumwini komanso wosadziwika bwino.

Kupyolera mu diso la sayansi ndi chinsalu cha zochitika zaumwini, timapeza kuti ulendo wamtima ndi wachilengedwe chonse komanso wozama payekha. Mu kuvina kodabwitsa kwa kukopeka, kutengeka mtima, ndi kudzipereka, timapeza kukongola sikuli kokha komwe mukupita komanso mumayendedwe aliwonse. Pokondwerera zovuta, zinsinsi ndi zodabwitsa za chikondi, timavomereza chowonadi chosatha kuti muzinthu zamtima, ulendowu ndi wozama monga kopita komweko.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.