Pamene mukuyang'ana bwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali, mbali imodzi kuposa ena onse - ubale ngakhale. Ngati inu mwakhala kudutsa wringer wa analephera maubale m'mbuyomu, inu mukudziwa ndendende zimene ine ndikunena. Mumakumana ndi munthu. Amapangitsa mtima wanu kulumpha kugunda kwa zillion nthawi yomweyo. Ndi chilichonse chomwe mwakhala mukuyang'ana. Spark zimawuluka. Simungathe kusunga manja anu pa wina ndi mzake ...
Muli pachibwenzi chazunguliro chomwe chikukuchotsani kumapazi anu. Koma kukwera kumeneku kukatha, mumazindikira kuti ndinu osiyana monga choko ndi tchizi, ndipo palibe chifukwa chokhalira ndi chibwenzi. Nkhani yanu yabwino yachikondi ikugwa ngati nyumba yamakhadi. Ichi ndichifukwa chake kuyanjana m'maubwenzi ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti mupange ubale wokhazikika ndi anzanu.
Koma kuyanjana ndi chiyani? Kodi kukhala ogwirizana kumatanthauza kukhala patsamba limodzi nthawi zonse? Kukonda zinthu zomwezo ndi okoma wanu? Kumaliza ziganizo za wina ndi mzake? Kuti ndikubweretsereni yankho, ndimasankha zizindikilo za mgwirizano pokambirana ndi psychotherapist Sampreeti Das (Master in Clinical Psychology and Ph.D. Researcher), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy ndi Holistic and Transformational Psychotherapy.
Kodi Kugwirizana mu Ubale Kumawoneka Motani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kumvetsa chiyani chemistry ndi kuyanjana mu maubwenzi kukhala waukali kungakhale kovuta chifukwa palibe anthu aŵiri ofanana ndendende. Ngakhale mutapeza munthu amene amakukondani kwambiri monga mmene mungathere, pangakhalebe kusiyana.
Kodi kusiyana kumeneku kukutanthauza kuti mwalephera mayeso okhudzana ndi ubale? Ayi ndithu. Kupatula apo, mukuyang'ana bwenzi, osati wokondana. Chofunikira cha kuyanjana kwa ubale chimakhala pamlingo womwe zinthu zanu zofananira zimaposa kusiyana komanso momwe mungalumikizire ngakhale pali kusiyana. Kuti mumve zambiri, nazi zizindikiro 15 zofananira zomwe simungathe kuzinyalanyaza:
1. Kugwirizana kwa ubale kumatanthauza kuti mumakondana wina ndi mnzake
Ndimakonda kukhulupirira kuti mwamuna wanga ndi ine timakhala bwino pakugwirizana muukwati. Nthawi zambiri amandifunsa anzanga ndi azisuwani amene atayimilira pachimake cha kudzipereka kwa nthawi yaitali, "Kodi chimakulepheretsani kuchita chiyani? Chinsinsi chake n'chiyani?" Kumeneko, yankho langa ndilo, "Ndimamukonda."
Ndimakonda kukhala ndi nthawi yocheza naye ndipo ndikuyembekeza kudzasangalala naye pamapeto a tsiku lalitali. Inde, kukhala m’chikondi ndi kukonda mnzanu kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kungakhale zinthu ziwiri zosiyana. Ngati nanunso mumasangalala kukhala ndi mnzanu, ndipo masiku ambiri, mumamva ngati kukhala ndi wina ndi mnzake ndikokwanira, ndiye kuti mukuyenda bwino pamayeso ogwirizana.
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2. Palibe chomwe chimamva kukakamizidwa
Malinga ndi Sampreeti chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoyamba zogwirizana ndi chakuti zinthu sizimakakamizika wina ndi mzake. Inde, mu gawo loyamba laubwenzi, mukhoza kuika phazi lanu patsogolo ndi kupita ndi kupitirira kuti musangalatse mnzanuyo koma osati pamtengo wakukhala munthu yemwe simuli.
"Pamene pali mgwirizano pakati pa chibwenzi palibe amene amakakamizika kuchita zinthu zomwe sizimangobwera mwachibadwa." Ubwenzi umakula bwino, ndipo okwatirana amapeza kamvekedwe ndi liwiro lomwe onse amamasuka nazo," anawonjezera.
3. Palibe malo okayikira
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za ngakhale inu simungakhoze kunyalanyazidwa ndi kuti ndinu wotsimikiza kwathunthu za ubwenzi. Palibe kukayikira ngati mnzanuyo ndi woyenera kwa inu kapena ngati ubale wanu uli ndi tsogolo.
Inu ndi mnzanu mumagwirizana mu moyo wa wina ndi mzake ngati zidutswa za jigsaw. Palibe mmbuyo-ndi-kupita, palibe mphamvu zotentha ndi zozizira, palibe zosayenera kulimbirana mphamvu zomwe zimakupangitsani kuti musamachite chilichonse, ndikungoganizira zomwe zidzachitike. Kugwirizana mu maubwenzi kumadziwika ndi kukhala omasuka ndi chisankho chanu chosankhana wina ndi mzake.
4. Kugwirizana kwa ubale kumakupangitsani kuyenda bwino
Kodi ndi zizindikiro ziti zomwe amagwirizana ndi inu kapena kuti ndiye woyenera kwa inu? Ngati funsoli lakhala liri m'malingaliro anu okhudzana ndi SO yanu, samalani momwe zimakhudzira kudzikonda kwanu.
Sampreeti anati: “Pamene pali kumvana m’maubwenzi, munthu samadzimva kuti akubedwa umunthu wake.
5. Mumagawana zikhulupiriro ndi makhalidwe ofanana
Mwa mitundu yosiyanasiyana yogwirizana mu maubwenzi, ichi ndi chofunikira kwambiri pazifukwa ziwiri - chimodzi, mwina mumagawana zikhulupiriro ndi zikhalidwe kapena mulibe. Nthawi zambiri sichinthu chomwe mungathe kulima pakapita nthawi. Chachiwiri, ngati simugawana mfundo zazikuluzikulu, kukhazikitsa ubale wokhalitsa kumatha kukhala kovuta.
Marsha ndi Dennis adapezeka kuti ali pamphambano chifukwa masomphenya awo amtsogolo sanagwirizane. Marsha ankafuna kukwatira ndikuyamba banja pamene Dennis ankakonda kwambiri kukhala ndi mwana wopanda mwana. Iwo analankhula za izo, ndipo ngakhale kukangana ndi kulimbana pa nkhaniyo, koma onse awiri anabisala mobisa akuyembekeza kuti winayo abwera.
Atakhala pamodzi kwa zaka zisanu, anazindikira kuti palibe aliyense wa iwo amene anali wokonzeka kusiya kaimidwe kawo ndipo onse ankafuna zinthu zosiyana kwambiri m’moyo. Ngakhale mbiri ndi chikondi kwa wina ndi mzake, iwo analephera ubale ngakhale mayeso chifukwa mfundo zawo pachimake sanagwirizane.
6. Njira yabwino yothetsera kusamvana
Kugwirizana mu maubwenzi sikutanthauza kuti inu ndi wokondedwa wanu mumagwirizana 100% pazinthu zonse zazikulu ndi zazing'ono, ndipo musakhale ndi kusiyana kulikonse kapena kukangana. Monga ndidanenera kale, mnzanuyo si wokondana naye ndipo kuyembekezera kuvomereza nthawi zonse sikungakhale kotheka.
Choncho, musade nkhawa kuti 'kodi tikulephera mayeso okhudzana ndi ubale?' nthawi zonse mukasiyana maganizo. Ngati mukufuna zizindikiro zosatsutsika zokhudzana ndi chiyanjano, yang'anani momwe mumathetsera nkhani zanu ndi kusiyana kwanu.
Ngati ntchito njira zabwino zothetsera kusamvana monga kulankhulana momasuka ndi moona mtima, kumvetsera mwachidwi, kuleza mtima komanso popanda masewera olakwa kuti athetse vuto lanu, dziwani kuti ndinu ogwirizana ngati banja.
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7. Mumasangalala ndi zofanana komanso zosiyana
Kugwirizana m’banja kapena pachibwenzi kumatanthauza kuvomerezana mmene mulili. "Izi zikutanthauza kuti mumasangalala osati ndi zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe mumakondana nazo zomwe zingakhale zosiyana kwambiri ndi zanu," akutero Sampreeti.
Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna wanga ndi wokonda mahatchi. Iye ndiye wokondwa koposa pakati pa akavalo. Mochuluka kwambiri, kuti pa tsiku lathu lachiŵiri, ananditengera ku makola ndipo tinathera nthaŵi yathu pamodzi kukonzekeretsa kavalo wake. Ine, kumbali ina, sindinayambe ndakwerapo kavalo m’moyo wanga.
Komabe, nthawi ndi nthawi, ndimamuperekeza akamakwera. Kukhala pafupi ndi akavalo kumabweretsa chozizwitsa chonga cha mwana mwa iye, ndipo zimenezo zakhala magwero a chisangalalo kwa ine.
8. Mumapeza ndi kupembedza zolakwa za wina ndi mzake
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za chemistry ndi kuyanjana mu maubwenzi ndikuti onse awiri amakhala munthu wawo. Pali kuwonekera poyera muubwenzi ndipo simuona kufunika kobisa mbali zomwe sizikusangalatsa zanu.
Mukudziwa zomwe zikutanthauza - kuti mumatha kuwonana mokwanira komanso kwathunthu, zovuta ndi zonse. Sikuti muli bwino ndi zovuta zawo zokha, komanso mumafika komwe akuchokera, ndipo mwachinsinsi, muziwapeza kukhala osangalatsa.
Mutha kutulutsa maso anu kunja chifukwa akufuna kuwonera kanema wina wa Godzilla Lamlungu masana, koma mkati mwake, mukupita 'awwwww' kuwonera mawonekedwe a wonderstruck pankhope yake.
9. Kugwirizana kwa ubale kumabweretsa malingaliro otetezeka
Sampreeti anati: “Pamene pali kumvana m’maubwenzi, sipakhala mpata wa kusadzisungika kapena nsanje.
Wokondedwa wanu samakupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka - osati mwadala kapena mosadziwa - ndi mosemphanitsa. Mumadziwa bwanji ngati mukumva kukhala otetezeka mu ubale wanu kapena ayi?
Nali kuyesa kwa inu ngati muli paubwenzi: tinene kuti mnzanuyo amasiya foni yake pomwe akuchita zinazake, akugwira ntchito kapena akusamba. Kodi mumatani? Muma fufuzani mobisa foni ya mnzanu ndi kudutsa mauthenga awo, chikhalidwe TV zochita, ndi maimelo?
Kapena kodi maganizo amenewo sakudutsani m’maganizo mwanu? Osati kuti mumaganiza za izo ndiyeno kudziletsa kulemekeza zinsinsi mnzanuyo koma sizichitika kwa inu fufuzani foni yawo chifukwa inu basi kumva kufunika. Ngati ndizomaliza, mutha kuziwerengera pakati pazizindikiro zofananira zomwe simungathe kuzinyalanyaza.
10. Pali malo abwino muubwenzi
Malo aumwini mu maubwenzi asokonezedwa molakwika. Kufuna kutenga nthawi kuti muchepetse nthunzi, kukulitsa zilakolako zanu kapena ubale wanu ndi anzanu ndi abale sizongobadwa mwachibadwa komanso zathanzi kwa okwatirana.
Ndicho chifukwa chake kukhala omasuka popatsana malo ndi zina mwa zizindikiro zoyamba za mgwirizano pakati pa okwatirana. Ngati palibe wa inu amene akufuna kuchita zonse 'pamodzi' kapena wina sakwiya pamene wina akufuna 'nthawi yanga', muli mumgwirizano wolimba, wogwirizana.
11. Chikhulupiriro ndi gawo lofunikira la kuyanjana mu maubwenzi
Sampreeti anati: “Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti anthu amagwirizana ndi kukhulupirirana.
Kudalira kwakukulu kumeneku kumangowonjezera kukulitsa ubale wanu. Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu mugwirane manja wina ndi mzake ndikumamatirana nthawi yovuta osati chifukwa ndi zomwe zimayembekezeredwa kwa inu koma chifukwa mukufuna. Chifukwa cha chidaliro ichi, mumatha kudutsa ngakhale zitatenga khama pang'ono kuti muwongolere bwato lanu pamadzi ovuta.
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12. Mumalemekezana wina ndi mzake
Kugwirizana kwa ubale kumayambira ndipo kumalimbikitsa kulemekezana kwakukulu. Ogwirizana omwe ali ogwirizana amamvetsetsana bwino ndichifukwa chake samakokerana pansi. Ngakhale mutakhala kuti simukugwirizana ndi zomwe mnzanuyo wasankha, simumunyozetsa chifukwa mumatha kuzindikira kuti ngati akuchita chinachake, chiyenera kukhala chofunikira kwa iwo.
Mwachidule, zonse zinthu zokulitsa ulemu muubwenzi alipo kale mu mgwirizano wanu. Tsopano, izi sizikutanthauza kuti simumalankhula maganizo anu ngati simukugwirizana ndi zosankha za mnzanu. Komabe, mumazichita popanda kuwanyoza kapena kuwanyoza.
13. Mumapanga khama pa ubale wanu
Kugwirizana m'banja kapena pachibwenzi si chiphaso chamtengo wapatali chomwe mukangogula chingakuthandizireni nthawi yonse yomwe muli limodzi. Anthu ogwirizana amazindikira mfundo imeneyi.
Mosasamala kanthu kuti mwakhala limodzi kwa miyezi isanu ndi umodzi kapena zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi, nonse mumayesetsa kuti chibwenzicho chikhale chatsopano komanso chosangalatsa. Kuyambira kulimbikitsa miyambo yaying'ono monga kupsompsonana kwabwino usiku mpaka kuzindikira zatsopano ndi zokonda zomwe mungagwirizane nazo, nonse mumachitapo kanthu kuti mulimbikitse mgwirizano wanu.
14. Mukumvetsa zosaneneka
Kukhoza kumvetsetsa zomwe sizinatchulidwe ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zamphamvu zomwe simungathe kuzinyalanyaza. Sampreeti akuti, "Kugwirizana kwaubale kumatanthauza kuti kuyankhulana kosalankhulana pakati pa abwenzi kumakhala koyenera."
Mutha kudziwa momwe mnzanuyo akumvera poyang'ana nkhope yake mphindi yomwe akudutsa pakhomo kumapeto kwa tsiku lantchito. Ngati chinachake chikuwavutitsa, mumawafunsa kuti, "Chavuta ndi chiyani, wokondedwa?" popanda iwo kukuuzani inu kuti anali ndi tsiku loipa.
Kapena kunena kuti, muli paphwando limodzi ndipo mumatopa kwambiri. Kuyang'ana nkhope yanu kumodzi m'chipindamo ndikokwanira kuti mnzanuyo adziwe kuti mukufa kuti muchotse gehena kumeneko. M'kanthawi kochepa, amakukhululukirani ndikukuchotsani ku zowawa zokakamiza kucheza.
15. Chemistry yanu yogonana imayatsidwa
Chemistry yogonana ndi kuyanjana mu maubale kupita limodzi ndi manja. Ngakhale kuti kugonana si chinthu chokhacho chomwe chimapangitsa kuti anthu azikondana kwambiri, kugwirizana kwa thupi ndi kugonana ndi zina mwa mitundu yofunika kwambiri yogwirizana mu maubwenzi.
Kukondana ndi kugonana ndi wokondedwa wanu ndi zisonyezero za momwe mumakhudzirana wina ndi mzake. Mawu amenewa angachokere ku kugwirana chanza mpaka kupsompsonana, kupangana chikondi chakuthengo; chofunika ndi chakuti iwo alipo mu mawonekedwe ndi digiri mu ubale wanu.
Kunena mwachidule, kuyanjana m'maubwenzi kumakhala bwino pakayambika pakati pa okondedwa. Kukula kwa spark iyi kumatha kusiyanasiyana m'magawo osiyanasiyana a ubale, koma nthawi zonse kumakhalapo komanso kumveka.
Ngati muwona zizindikiro za mgwirizano mu ubale wanu ndi mnzanu, dziwani kuti mwapeza. Gwiranani wina ndi mzake ndi zonse zomwe muli nazo. Kumbali ina ya sipekitiramu, ngati simutero, patulani nthawi kuti muwone ngati mungathe kuyesetsa kulimbikitsa mgwirizano. Malingana ngati muli ndi malingaliro ofanana, zikhulupiriro, ndi zolinga za moyo wanu, mutha kuyesetsa kukhala ogwirizana ngati okondedwa.
Ibibazo
Ngakhale kuti maunansi osagwirizana angagwire ntchito, nthawi zambiri samabweretsa chisangalalo kapena chisangalalo. Ngati simukugwirizana ngati zibwenzi pamlingo wofunikira, ubale wanu ukhoza kukhala wodziwika ndi zizolowezi zoyipa monga kusinthasintha kwamphamvu, kulipira kutentha ndi kuzizira, kukhala ndi mapazi ozizira, ndikuwonetsa zizindikiro zakudzipereka.
Kukhala ogwirizana muubwenzi kumatanthauza kuti onse awiri ali ndi makhalidwe ofanana, zolinga za moyo, maonekedwe, zokonda, ndi zomwe sakonda. Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, pali kufunitsitsa kuvomereza ndi kuvomereza kusiyana kwa wina ndi mnzake popanda njiru kapena chakukhosi. Muubwenzi wotere, okwatirana amakula ndikukula, onse pamodzi ndi payekha.
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