Sara ankasungulumwa masiku ambiri. Anali atakwatiwa kwa zaka zinayi. Koma kwa chaka chatha, iye ankaona kuti alibe kugwirizana ndi bwenzi lake. Kukambitsirana kunali kochepa ndipo zisonyezero zachikondi sizinachitike. Anadzifunsa kuti: “N’chifukwa chiyani ndimadziona kuti ndine wosakwatiwa m’banja langa? Ndipo, anali wofunitsitsa kupeza njira yothanirana ndi zizindikiro za kusungulumwa mu ubale.
Kusungulumwa ndi kumva ngati uli wekha kapena suli ndi anthu ena. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa Pew Research Center wa 2018 , munthu m'modzi mwa anthu khumi aku America amati nthawi zonse amakhala wosungulumwa kapena wosungulumwa. Zifukwa zofala kwambiri ndi kusasangalala ndi moyo wa m'banja, wa anthu ammudzi komanso wa anthu ammudzi, kapena mavuto azachuma.
Malinga ndi kafukufukuyu, anthu omwe asudzulidwa kapena sanakwatirepo (17% aliyense) amakhala osungulumwa kuwirikiza kawiri kuposa omwe ali pabanja (6%). Pamene kuli kwakuti mungayese kuthetsa kusungulumwa mwa kuchita zibwenzi ndi kuchita zibwenzi, si zachilendo kumva kusungulumwa m’chibwenzi. N’zomvetsa chisoni kwambiri kukhala paubwenzi wanthaŵi yaitali ndikukhalabe wosungulumwa nthaŵi zonse.
Zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti muli nokha pachibwenzi sizingochitika mwadzidzidzi. M'malo mwake, mtunda umayenda bwino ngati okwatirana salabadira ubale wawo. Pambuyo pa zaka zingapo zokhala pamodzi, okwatirana amasowa mitu yoti akambirane kupatulapo zokambirana zawo zatsiku ndi tsiku za yemwe adzasiya mwana kusukulu mawa kapena zinthu zomwe angagule ku golosale.
Nyenyezi m'chipinda chogona nazonso zimatha ndi nthawi. Zodabwitsa, mausiku amasiku, ndi kugula mphatso kwa wokondedwa wanu zimangobwera pazochitika zapadera. Mchitidwe wongotengerana mosasamala umayamba. Ndipo musanadziwe, mwakhala pabwalo usiku wina, mukumalira kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndimakhala ndekha ndikakhala pachibwenzi?
Kusungulumwa kungayambitse kufa msanga chifukwa cha kuchepa kwa chitetezo chamthupi kapena kupsinjika maganizo. Kunena zoona, kudziona ngati wovutika maganizo komanso wosungulumwa pamene uli pachibwenzi kungayambitse maganizo ofuna kudzipha. Mwina simungaganizire nthawi zambiri koma zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti muli nokha pachibwenzi zitha kukhala ndi zotsatirapo zowopsa m'malingaliro ndi thupi lanu. N’zosadabwitsa kuti Sara akunena kuti: “Ndili wopsinjika maganizo ndi wosungulumwa muukwati wanga.”
Zizindikiro 7 Za Kusungulumwa Mu Ubwenzi
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mungamve ngati muli nokha muubwenzi pazifukwa ziwiri. Choyamba ndi chakuti pali chosowa muubwenzi. Pankhaniyi, nthawi zambiri, onse awiri amamva ngati ali okha. Ngati mumadzimva kukhala nokha mukakhala ndi mnzanu kuposa pamene muli kutali ndi iwo, ubalewo ndi umene umayambitsa vutoli. Apanso, ngati mungakumbukire nthawi yomwe munali osakwatiwa koma osasungulumwa, ndi ubale umene ukukupangitsani kukhala nokha.
Chifukwa chachiwiri ndi chofunikira kwambiri. Wokondedwayo akumva kusungulumwa akhoza kukumana ndi zovuta zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi chibwenzicho. Izi zingaphatikizepo zochitika zaubwana zomwe zingapangitse munthu kukhala wosungulumwa. Mutha kumverera kuti palibe chomwe sichili bwino pa ubale wanu ndi bwenzi lanu. Koma mwina simungadziŵe kuti mukusungulumwa. Mwinanso mungayambe kuganiza kuti kukhala mbeta kuli bwino kusiyana ndi kukhala wekha m’banja.
Mulimonsemo, kusungulumwa muubwenzi si vuto lomwe silingathe kuthetsedwa. Koma musanapite patsogolo ndikukambirana momwe mungathanirane ndi vutoli, inu ndi mnzanu muyenera kuyang'ana kwambiri pakukulitsa maziko othandizirana ndikulankhulana kuti mukumva kusungulumwa muubwenzi. Nthawi yomweyo, ndikofunikira kudzidziwa bwino komanso kudziwa bwino za ubale wanu. Ndikudziwa kuti mukufuna kusiya kumva kusungulumwa muubwenzi koma choyamba tiyeni tiwone zizindikiro zisanu ndi ziwiri za kusungulumwa muubwenzi kuti timvetse chifukwa chake ndi momwe zimachitikira:
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Kusungulumwa Muukwati
1. Kuchepetsa kulankhulana
Ndikuganiza kuti mumafotokoza nthawi iliyonse Charlie Puth akuti, "Sitikulankhulanso." Iyi ndi mbendera yofiyira ndipo ingapangitse m'modzi kapena onse awiri kukhala osungulumwa. Pamene zokambirana nthawi zambiri zimakhala zoletsedwa ndipo zimangokhala "Kodi galimotoyo yathandizidwa?" ndi "Kodi tidye chiyani lero?", ndi chizindikiro kuti kulankhulana pakati pa inu ndi wokondedwa wanu kukupita kumwera.
Mukunena kuti, “Sindikumva ngati ndili pachibwenzi ndi chibwenzi changa/chibwenzi changa/mwamuna wanga.” Kodi mukudziwa chifukwa chake? Nthawi iliyonse mukakumana ndi kusamvana kapena kusiyana maganizo, mumayesetsa kusunga malingaliro amenewo ngati njira yopewera ndewu kapena mikangano yoipa. Mwanjira ina, pali phiri la malingaliro osayankhidwa lomwe likudzaza mkati mwanu ndipo chiopsezo cha kuphulika posachedwa chingakhalepo. Kusalankhulana bwino kungayambitse kudzimva kuti muli nokha muubwenzi.
2. Kupanda chikondi ndi nkhawa
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti muli nokha muubwenzi ndi chakuti chikondi chanu chayamba kuzizira. Izi zitha kuchitika chifukwa cha ndewu ndi kusamvana pafupipafupi. Kapena mwina kungokhala kusakhalapo kwa mgwirizano wamaganizo komanso kusagwirizana muubwenzi . Kodi mwasiya kuyang'anana? Kodi inu ndi mnzanu simukudziwa momwe mnzanuyo alili m'maganizo ndi m'thupi? Simukukumbukira nthawi yomaliza yomwe mudalankhula mawu atatu amatsenga kwa mnzanuyo? Ndikuganiza kuti izi zikufotokoza bwino chifukwa chake muli pachibwenzi koma mukumva kuti ndinu nokha.
Atakhala paubwenzi wautali, anthu amakonda kulenga dziko lawo ndi abwenzi osiyana ndi ntchito-moyo, ndipo mwina zakumwa zochepa Loweruka usiku. Pokhala okhazikika m'njira zawo, nthawi zambiri amaiwala za munthu wapakhomo yemwe angafunikire kuthandizidwa ndi malingaliro awo kuti apirire tsiku lovuta. Ichi chingakhale chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimachititsa kuti mukhale achisoni komanso osungulumwa muubwenzi.
3. Kudzimva kukhala wosafunidwa pachibwenzi
Mukayamba kudziona kuti ndinu wosafunika kwenikweni pa moyo wa mnzanuyo, ichi ndi chizindikiro cha kusungulumwa muubwenzi. Zitha kukhala chifukwa bwenzi lanu ndi lodzidalira kwambiri ndipo ali ndi zofunika zingapo kupatula ubale. Nthawi zina, zitha kukhala chifukwa mnzanuyo sakufuna kuwonedwa ngati wosatetezeka. Mwinamwake sali omasuka kusonyeza kufunika kwa kukhalapo kwanu ndi chikondi.
Ngakhale kuti chibwenzi chingapitirirebe kukhalabe ndi maganizo olakwika, pakhoza kukhala chifukwa china chomwe chikukupangitsani kumva kuti, "Ndatopa ndikumva ndekha muubwenzi wanga", zomwe sizingakhale zosavuta kuzithetsa. Timadana kukhala omwe angakuwonongereni koma mwina mnzanu wanu wasiya kukukondani . Zingakhale zovuta kuvomereza zoona. Chabwino, ngati asiya kuyesetsa kapena kusonyeza chidwi chilichonse chopangitsa kuti ubalewo ugwire ntchito, mwina zatha kale m'mutu mwawo.
4. Kusowa ubwenzi wapamtima
Kugonana kosakwanira kapena kosakhutiritsa ndi chizindikiro cha kusungulumwa muubwenzi chifukwa kungayambitse kusiyana pakati pa awiriwa. Ndi chimodzi mwa zotsatira zosadziwika bwino za maubwenzi opanda kugonana . Anthu ambiri amavutika mwakachetechete chifukwa sangathe kulankhula za kulephera kugonana muubwenziwo chifukwa choopa kuvulaza malingaliro awo. Kwa maanja ambiri, ndi lawi la chilakolako lomwe limawapangitsa kudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndimadziona ngati ndine ndekha muubwenzi wanga?"
Kukondana kwathupi sikungokhudza kugonana kokha, kukhudza kosagwirizana ndi kugonana ndikofunikanso kuti ubale ukhale wamoyo. Mukagwirana chanza, kuwasisita tsitsi lawo mofatsa, kapena kuwakulunga m'manja mwanu akakhumudwa, ubongo wanu umatulutsa mahomoni achikondi monga oxytocin, dopamine, ndi serotonin. Mahomoni omveka bwinowa amachepetsa kupsinjika kwamalingaliro ndikuthandizira kuti ubale ukhale wolimba kwambiri. Ngati okondedwa amasiya kusonyeza chikondi chawo mwakuthupi ndipo kukumbatirana ndi kupsompsona kumakhala kosowa, zikhoza kusonyeza kukula kwa zizindikiro kuti muli nokha pachibwenzi.
5. Zokonda zosiyanasiyana
Patapita zaka zingapo, mungazindikire kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo muli ndi zokonda zosiyana ndipo simukugwirizana kwenikweni. Kusagwirizana kumeneku kungakupangitseni kuganiza kuti kukhala wosakwatiwa ndikwabwino kuposa kudzimva wekha pachibwenzi. Mwinamwake mwatsopano ndi chisangalalo cha chikondi chanu, simunaganizirepo zambiri za kuyanjana kwa nthawi yaitali. Koma pamene zaka zikupita, mungazindikire kuti inu nonse ndinu anthu osiyana kotheratu.
Chikondi cha mnzanu pa nyimbo zachitsulo zokweza chimasokoneza nthawi yanu yowerenga chete. Mukayenda ndi mnzanu , mumakonda kupita ku malo onse ofunikira monga nyumba zosungiramo zinthu zakale, nyumba zachifumu, ndi mabwinja koma nthawi zonse amalimbikira kupuma pagombe ndi botolo la mowa. Chifukwa chake, mutha kuchoka panyumba limodzi koma mutha kukhala nokha mutafika komwe mukupita. Nzosadabwitsa kuti mumadzipeza mukuganiza kuti, "Sindikumva ngati ndili pachibwenzi ndi chibwenzi changa."
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungayambitsirenso Ubale? Njira 5 Zabwino Kwambiri
6. Kuchulukitsa kudalira pazama media
Ichi ndi chizindikiro china cha kusungulumwa muubwenzi. Kodi munayamba mwaganizapo za momwe malo ochezera a pa Intaneti amakhudzira ubale wanu m'njira yoipa? Mukumva kuti muli nokha muubwenzi ndipo simungathe kupeza mgwirizano wabwino ndi mnzanu, mutha kufunafuna maubwenzi ambiri pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti. Koma nthawi yambiri yogwiritsira ntchito malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ingapangitse kuti musungulumwe kwambiri komanso musakhutire ndi ubale wanu.
Izi zili choncho chifukwa mungafanizire ubale wanu ndi wa ena pazama TV ndikuwona kulephera kwake. Mwachitsanzo, mutha kuyerekeza momwe masiku obadwa, zikondwerero zaukwati, kapena Tsiku la Valentine zimakondwerera ndi ena ndikuwona kuti mnzanuyo samakulemekezani mokwanira. Chifukwa chake, nthawi ina mukazindikira kuti, "Ndili pachibwenzi koma ndikumva ndekha", lingalirani izi ngati chizindikiro chofunikira.
7. Kudalira zochita zowonera pazenera
Ngati madzulo nthawi zambiri amakhala akuwonera kanema pa Netflix, zitha kukhala chizindikiro kuti palibenso zambiri zomwe mumagawana ngati banja. Nthawi zina mnzakeyo akumva kusungulumwa amatembenukira pazenera kuti amusangalatse komanso kuti asangalale. Ngati ndinu mnzanu wosungulumwa, mwina munakhudzidwa mtima ndi zochitika kapena nyimbo za kusungulumwa paubwenzi.
Ndikuganiza kuti mungagwirizane kwambiri ndi nkhani ya Iye chifukwa ndi chithunzi cha kugwirizana pakati pa maubwenzi amakono ndi kusungulumwa - Theodore, yemwe ndi munthu wodziwika bwino, amakonda Samantha yemwe kwenikweni ndi mawu a dongosolo lake la Artificial Intelligence. Yesani izi! Ngati inunso simungathe kuthana ndi lingaliro lakuti "Ndatopa kumva kuti ndine ndekha muubwenzi wanga", zidzakupatsani mphamvu kuti mudzuke ndikuchitapo kanthu kuti musinthe vutoli.
Zifukwa Zosungulumwa Paubwenzi
Chifukwa chiyani ndimakhala ndekha ndikakhala pachibwenzi? Pakhoza kukhala zinthu zingapo zomwe zikuseweredwa apa, ndipo muyenera kuyang'ana mikhalidwe yanu yapadera kuti mudziwe chomwe chimayambitsa kusungulumwa kumeneku. Kupatula kusagwirizana, kutanganidwa ndi ntchito kwa m’modzi kapena onse aŵiri kumabweretsa kusungulumwa m’chibwenzi. Kudziona kukhala wosungulumwa muubwenzi wakutali nkomveka. Pamene okondedwa ali opatukana ndipo palibe kulankhulana pamasom'pamaso, n'zachibadwa kuti amangokhala okha pachibwenzi.
Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa mu Marichi 2020 wofalitsidwa mu Journal of Happiness Studies, maubwenzi a anthu okwatirana apezeka kuti ndi chinthu champhamvu kwambiri choteteza kusungulumwa. Komabe, kafukufukuyu akuti, kusungulumwa kungalimbikitsidwe kudzera muubwenzi wa anthu okwatirana ngati ukuonedwa ngati wosakhutiritsa kapena wopanda khalidwe.
Ngati mnzawo m'modzi akudwala matenda aakulu, womusamalira angasiyidwe akumva chisoni komanso kusungulumwa. Izi zimagwiranso ntchito pamavuto amisala monga kuvutika maganizo kapena kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo molakwika. Ngati ubalewo ndi wovuta kwambiri kwa wozunzidwayo. (Pankhaniyi, kukhala wosakwatiwa kuli bwino kuposa kumva kuti uli wekha muubwenzi.) Chizolowezi cha mafoni a m'manja chimayambitsanso kusungulumwa muubwenzi. Kusintha kwakunja monga kukhala ndi mwana kungakupangitseni kuwunika ubale wanu.
Kaya chifukwa chake chingakhale chotani, mukangowona zizindikiro kuti muli nokha pachibwenzi, muyenera kuyesa kulankhulana kuti mukumva kusungulumwa muubwenzi kaya ndi mnzanu, mnzanu, kapena muchithandizo cha maanja. Ngati simupeza chithandizo chomwe mukufunikira panthawi yovutayi, ikhoza kukulitsa kupsinjika kwanu ndikuchepetsa kudzidalira kwanu nthawi yomweyo.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kumva Ngati Simukufunidwa Mu Ubwenzi - Kodi Mungatani Kuti Muthane Nazo?
Momwe Mungapirire Kudzimva Wosungulumwa Paubwenzi
Kaya mukuyesetsa kuthana ndi kusungulumwa mukakhala paubwenzi wautali kapena kumene mumakumana tsiku lililonse, pali njira zina zothanirana ndi vutoli. Ngati pali zizindikiro zoti muli nokha paubwenzi, malangizowa angakupangitseni kumva bwino.
1. Yambitsani kucheza
Lankhulani ndi wokondedwa wanu za kusungulumwa popanda kumuneneza kapena kumuweruza chifukwa zingangomupangitsa kuti azidzitchinjiriza. Ndikofunikira kugawana zakukhosi kwanu chifukwa pokhapokha mutha kukambirana njira yomwe ingatheke. Mwina muyenera kuchokapo kwakanthawi ndikulumikizananso. Kapena, muyenera kupatula nthawi ya wina ndi mnzake tsiku lililonse kuti mulimbikitse mgwirizano. Mungafunike kupereka nthawi ndi chidwi kuti muyambitsenso moyo wanu wogonana.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zifukwa 12 Zomveka Zothetsera Chibwenzi - Ziribe kanthu zomwe Dziko Limanena
2. Kupititsa patsogolo kulankhulana
Mukhoza kuonetsetsa kuti mukukonza kulankhulana kwanu mwa kutumiza uthenga wachikondi kwa mnzanuyo tsiku lonse la ntchito. Funsani za tsiku lake madzulo ndipo mvetserani mwachidwi yankho lake. Mungayesenso kudziyika nokha mumkhalidwe wa mnzanuyo. Izi zidzakuthandizani kukhala oleza mtima komanso kukhala oleza mtima kwambiri pa zofooka zilizonse. Pangani nthawi ndi zochitika zomwe mungathe kugwirizana ndi kulumikizana m'maganizo kuti musiye kumva chisoni komanso kusungulumwa muubwenzi.
3. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri
Ngati simungathe kupita patsogolo pokambirana ndi mnzanu, mungafunike kupita kwa mlangizi wa banja kuti akathetse mavuto omwe amayambitsa kusungulumwa. Ndipo, pezani mayankho pogwiritsa ntchito malangizo a mlangizi. Kumva kuti muli nokha muubwenzi kungathetsedwe ndi thandizo la akatswiri. Ngati mukufuna thandizo lililonse la akatswiri pankhaniyi, alangizi aluso komanso odziwa bwino ntchito omwe ali m'gulu la akatswiri a Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni.
4. Funsani anzanu ndi achibale
Chezani ndi anzanu apamtima kuti muthane ndi vuto lomwe mukuwona muubwenzi wanu. Pumulani ndikuchezera achibale. Kukhala ndi anthu amene amakukondani kwambiri sikudzangotonthoza mtima komanso kungakuthandizeni kuti muziona mmene mumamvera komanso kuti muzimvetsa bwino mmene mumamvera. Kukhala ndi nthawi yocheza ndi okondedwa ndi njira yolepheretsa kudzimva wekha paubwenzi.
5. Yesani yoga kapena kusinkhasinkha
Ngati mukumva kusungulumwa, sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kufunafuna anzanu nthawi zonse. Yoga, kusinkhasinkha, ndi kuchita zinthu mosamala zimakuthandizani kudziyang'ana nokha komanso kudziona ngati ndinu nokha. Zimakupangitsani kukhala omasuka kukhala nokha. Pamapeto pake, mudzadzikonda nokha zomwe zingakuthandizeni kukonza ubale wanu.
6. Khalani ndi zomwe mumakonda
Ili litha kukhala yankho labwino ngakhale muli osungulumwa chifukwa cha umunthu wanu kapena chifukwa chakuti ubale wanu ukusoweka mwanjira ina. Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kumakupangitsani kukhala otanganidwa, gwiritsani ntchito luso lanu ndikukuthandizani kuti mulumikizane ndi anthu amalingaliro ofanana. Kuyang'ana pakuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi komanso kudzipereka pazifukwa zomwe zili pafupi ndi mtima wanu ndi zina zomwe mungaganizire kuti mukhale otanganidwa.
Mwina n'koipa kukhala wosungulumwa muubwenzi kuposa kukhala wosungulumwa ukakhala wosakwatiwa . Koma pali njira zothetsera vutoli. Pali njira zothetsera kusungulumwa kumeneku. Choyamba ndi kuyesetsa kukonza ubalewo. Zimenezi n'zotheka ngati onse awiri amakondana komanso kulemekezana.
Ibibazo
Kupanda kuyanjana ndi zokonda zosiyana ndizomwe zimayambitsa kusungulumwa muubwenzi. Mukalephera kuchita zinthu zosangalatsa, zingapangitse mmodzi kapena onse awiri kukhala osungulumwa.
Mumamva kusungulumwa muubwenzi mukakhala kutali ndi bwenzi lanu. Pali kutayika kwa kulumikizana kwamalingaliro ndi ubwenzi. Mutha kumva kuti simukukondedwa komanso ngati simungathe kulumikizana bwino ndi mnzanu.
Pumulani kwa mnzanu. Muzicheza ndi anzanu kapena achibale omwe muli nawo pafupi. Akhoza kukupatsani kumvetsetsa ndi chitonthozo.
Zinthu 11 Zomwe Zimachitika Mzimayi Akasiya Chidwi ndi Mwamuna Wake
Zizindikiro 12 Zochenjeza Wokondedwa Wanu Akutaya Chidwi Mu Ubwenzi
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
