Kulimbana Kwamphamvu mu Maubwenzi - Njira Yoyenera Yothana Ndi Izo

Poyang'ana kumbuyo kwaukali koma kowonekera, ubale umodzi umawoneka ngati chikumbutso chokhudza mtima cha kulimbana kwamphamvu mu maubwenzi omwe amatha kulowa mwakachetechete m'malumikizidwe apamtima kwambiri. Sarah ndi ine, titatengeka ndi chikondi chatsopano, tinkawoneka kuti sitingagonjetse. Komabe, pansi pake, nkhondo yosaneneka yofuna kulamulira idayambika, kuwopseza kusamvana komwe tidafuna kwambiri.

Pamene kutengeka mtima kunasemphana ndi kudzikonda kunasemphana koopsa kwambiri, linakhala phunziro lovuta kuphunzira m’zochitika zovuta kumvetsa zimene zimachitika pamene mitima iwiri ikuyesera kugwirizana. Mabwalo athu omenyera nkhondo anali kuyambira zisankho zazing'ono za kanema woti tiwonere mpaka pazinthu zazikulu monga momwe tsogolo lathu likuyendera limodzi. Ndinadzipeza mosadziŵa kuti ndagwidwa ndi umunthu wamphamvu wa Sarah, kulimbikira kwake kaŵirikaŵiri kunalepheretsa zilakolako zanga. Pamene ndinamva kuti kudzilamulira kwanga kukuchoka, m'pamenenso ndinamamatira ku ulusi wosokonekera wa zomwe tinali nazo kale.

Ndinaganiza kuti mwina sindingakhale ndekha amene ndakumana ndi vuto la mphamvu. Choncho, ndinaganiza zofufuza mfundo zazikulu za nkhondo ya mphamvu muubwenzi ndikupeza njira zoyendetsera bwino maubwenziwo ndi chisomo ndi kumvetsetsa. Ndi nzeru zina zofunika kuchokera kwa Dhriti Bhavsar (MA Clinical Psychology), mlangizi wa maubwenzi, tidzayenda m'malingaliro osiyanasiyana, pogwiritsa ntchito zomwe takumana nazo komanso maphunziro ofufuza kuti tiwulule njira yoyenera yothanirana ndi mikangano yamphamvu yomwe ingasinthe kwambiri ubale wathu, zomwe zingawononge thanzi lathu.

Kodi Kulimbana Kwamphamvu Ndi Chiyani Mumaubwenzi?

Kulimbirana mphamvu muubwenzi kumatanthauza nthawi yomwe anthu awiri omwe ali paubwenzi amakangana kuti azilamulira, azikoka, kapena azilamulira mu chiyanjano. Kulimbana kumeneku kungawonekere m'mbali zosiyanasiyana zaubwenzi, monga kupanga zisankho, kulankhulana, ndi kugawa maudindo. Nthawi zambiri zimawonekera pakakhala kusamvana muulamuliro, zomwe zimatsogolera m'modzi kapena onse awiri kunena zomwe akufuna, malingaliro, kapena zilakolako zawo poyesa kulamulira kapena kukhalabe odzilamulira.

Dhriti akufotokoza kuti, “Ubale uliwonse ndi nkhondo ya mphamvu pamlingo winawake. Ubale mwachibadwa umakhala ndi mphamvu . Mphamvu imeneyi nthawi zambiri siigawidwa mofanana; m'malo mwake, imasintha malinga ndi zinthu zosiyanasiyana. Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, muubwenzi wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, mphamvu imeneyi nthawi zambiri imakhala yolimba kwambiri, yokhala ndi zotsatira zomwe zimakhala zofunika kwambiri poyang'ana kuchokera kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi. Ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti kusadzidalira kungathandize kwambiri pakupanga ndi kukulitsa mphamvu zimenezi, kuwonetsa kufunika kwa kulankhulana momasuka, chifundo, ndi kumvetsetsana polimbikitsa ubale wabwino.”

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Poyankha funso lakuti kodi kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi ndi chiyani, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu anati, “Titakumana, ankachita khama kwambiri kuposa ine ndipo ine ndinkakonda. Pamapeto pake, anayamba kumasuka. Tsopano zikuwoneka ngati ndimachita khama kwambiri ndipo sakumvetsa chifukwa chake ndimakwiya akamalephera kuchita zinthu pang'ono. Sindikufuna kuti ziwoneke ngati ndi chibwenzi choipa chifukwa amachita zinthu zenizeni kuti andisonyeze kuti amandikonda.

"Pali lingaliro lotchedwa Mfundo ya Chidwi Chosafunika Kwambiri . Limangotanthauza kuti munthu amene sasamala kwenikweni muubwenzi ndiye amene ali ndi mphamvu. Ndangophunzira za izi lero ndipo ndi momwe ndikumvera. Ndakhala wosowa kwambiri, ndipo sakuyenera kukhala choncho chifukwa amadziwa kuti nthawi zonse ndidzakhala wosamala kwambiri."

“Sindinaganizepo kuti ubwenziwo udzakhala wolimbana ndi mphamvu.” Ndimayesetsa kudziuza kuti ndisiye kusamala kwambiri kuti pamapeto pake adzakhale wosimidwa, koma ndimamva chisoni chifukwa chochita zinthu mwachisawawa ndipo mwachibadwa ndine munthu wopatsa choncho zimandivuta kusiya kuwasamalira.”

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Ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti mulingo wina wa mphamvu zamphamvu umakhalapo mu ubale uliwonse, ndipo kupeza kufanana kwangwiro nthawi zambiri kumakhala kosatheka. Kumenya mutu ndi wokondedwa wanu sikungalephereke. Komabe, kulimbirana mphamvu kosayenera kungawononge maziko a unansiwo ngati sikunasamalidwe, kumabweretsa mkwiyo, kusokonekera kwa kulankhulana, ndi kusakhutira wamba. Izi zimachitika pamene banja lidutsa magawo 5 akulimbirana mphamvu paubwenzi:

• Kusapeza bwino ndi kupsinjika koyamba: Kumayambiriro kwa masewera a mphamvu mu maubwenzi, mwamsanga pambuyo pa honeymoon phase yatha, pamakhala kusapeza bwino komanso kukangana. Kusiyana kwa malingaliro, zikhulupiriro, kapena ziyembekezo zingawonekere, osatchulanso zizolowezi zokwiyitsa, zomwe zimadzetsa mkangano wobisika koma womveka pakati pa okwatirana.
• Kuchuluka kwa mikangano: Pamene kulimbirana ulamuliro kukukulirakulira, mikangano ingakule. Kusagwirizana kumachulukirachulukira, ndipo kuyesa kulamulira kapena kulamulira kungachuluke. Kusokonekera kwa kulumikizana kumawonekera, ndi mabwenzi akuvutikira kupeza zomwe amagwirizana
• Njira zodzitetezera ndikuwongolera njira: Panthawi imeneyi, abwenzi atha kukhala ndi machitidwe odzitchinjiriza, pofuna kuteteza zomwe amakonda kapena malingaliro awo. Njira zowongolera, monga kusokoneza, kudzudzula, kapena kuyesa kukopa zisankho mopanda tsankho, zitha kumveka bwino.
• Kutalikirana ndi mkwiyo: Kulimbana kwamphamvu kosalekeza kungayambitse kusokonezeka maganizo ndi kukula kwa mkwiyo. Othandizana nawo atha kusiya mwamalingaliro kuti adziteteze ku zomwe akuwopseza kapena kupsinjika, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusiyana komwe kumasokoneza ubale wawo. Izi zitha kusokoneza moyo wawo.
• Crossroads - kuthetsa kapena kulimbana kopitilira: Panthawi imeneyi, mgwirizano umafika pamphambano. Maanja atha kusankha kukambirana ndi kuthetsa kulimbirana mphamvu kapena kupitiliza kusamvana. Ngati yayankhidwa bwino, gawoli litha kukhala posinthira kukhala athanzi, ogwirizana ndi onse awiri patsamba limodzi. Komabe, ngati kusiyidwa mosasamala, kulimbirana mphamvu kungapitirire, ndipo mumakakamira m’chizungulire chosatha cha utsogoleri umodzi.

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa magawo 5 olimbana ndi mphamvu paubwenzi, tiyeni tiwone chifukwa chake zimachitika.

Chifukwa chiyani pali kulimbana kwamphamvu mu maubwenzi?

Kulimbirana mphamvu m'maubwenzi kungayambike pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana, kuwonetsa kuyanjana kovutirapo kwa umunthu, zikhalidwe, ndi mphamvu. Ngakhale anthu omwe amawoneka okonzeka bwino akhoza kugwera mumsampha umenewu mu ubale wawo wapamtima. Dhriti amatchula zinthu zotsatirazi zomwe psychology yolimbana ndi mphamvu nthawi zambiri imayambira:

• Kusiyana kwa zikhulupiriro ndi zolinga: Pamene okondedwa awo ali ndi makhalidwe osiyanasiyana, zolinga za moyo, kapena zofunika kwambiri, atha kupezeka kuti akusemphana maganizo pamene akupanga zisankho. zomwe zimakhudza njira ya ubale
• Njira zolumikizirana: Kulankhulana mosiyanasiyana kungayambitse kusamvana ndi kutanthauzira molakwa. Ngati bwenzi m'modzi ali wolimbikira ndipo winayo amangokhala chete, zitha kuyambitsa kusamvana pakukambirana ndi kupanga zisankho.
• Kusatetezeka: Kusatetezeka, kaya kumachokera ku zochitika zakale kapena zochitika zina, monga bwenzi limodzi kupanga ndalama zambiri kuposa winayo kungathandize kuti pakhale kufunikira kolamulira kapena kutsimikiziridwa mu chiyanjano. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati kulimbirana mphamvu pamene anthu akufunafuna chilimbikitso kapena kuyesa kudziteteza mwamalingaliro
• Mavuto osathetsedwa: Madandaulo akale kapena mikangano yosathetsedwa imatha kuyambiranso, kupangitsa kuti pakhale kulimbirana mphamvu kopitilira pamene ogwirizana amayang'ana chakukhosi komanso nkhawa zomwe sizinayankhidwe.
• Zoyembekeza za maudindo: Zoyembekeza za chikhalidwe kapena chikhalidwe zokhudzana ndi udindo wa amuna ndi akazi zingayambitse mikangano yaulamuliro, makamaka m’maubwenzi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Zoyembekeza zachikhalidwe zimatha kusintha malingaliro a ulamuliro ndi chikoka
• Zovuta zakunja: Zinthu zakunja monga mavuto azachuma, mavuto obwera chifukwa cha ntchito, kapena nkhani za m’banja zingayambitse mikangano ndi kuyambitsa mikangano.
• Kuopa kusatetezeka: Kutsegula ndi kukhala pachiwopsezo kungakhale kovuta. Anthu ena atha kuchita nawo mikangano yaulamuliro ngati njira yodzitchinjiriza kuti apewe kuwonetsa zakukhosi kwawo kapena kusatetezeka kwawo
• Kupanda malire: Malire osadziwika kapena ophwanyidwa angayambitse kusapeza bwino ndi kukwiya. Kukhazikitsa ndi kulemekeza malire ndikofunikira kuti pakhale mphamvu zabwino muubwenzi
• Kukula kwaumwini: Pamene anthu akukula ndikukula, mphamvu zamphamvu mu ubale zimatha kusintha. Ngati m’modzi akaniza kapena kuopa kusinthaku, zitha kuyambitsa mikangano

Kumvetsetsa zifukwa zazikuluzikulu zakumenyera mphamvu zama psychology ndikofunikira kuti athe kuthana ndi kuthetsa mikangano yamphamvu mogwira mtima. Kulankhulana momasuka, kumverana chisoni, ndi kufunitsitsa kugwirira ntchito limodzi kuti mupeze mfundo zofanana ndizo zigawo zazikulu zakuyenda ndikugonjetsa mikangano yamphamvu mu maubwenzi.

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Kuphatikiza apo, Dhriti akuwonetsa lingaliro la malo owongolera kukhalapo kwamasewera opanda mphamvu pamaubwenzi. Ananenanso kuti: "Anthu nthawi zambiri amagwira ntchito kuchokera kumalo olamulira amkati kapena akunja. Iwo omwe ali ndi malo amkati amakhulupirira kuti amatha kusintha ndikusintha zochitika zawo, kupangitsa kuti azikhala ndi udindo komanso udindo. Kumbali inayi, anthu omwe ali ndi vuto lakunja amakonda kufunafuna ulamuliro kunja kwa iwo eni, kuyesa kuyang'anira ena ndikuwongolera zochitika zakunja.

"Vuto limabwera pamene anthu omwe ali ndi malo akunja amaona kusiyana kumeneku ngati ziwopsezo ku ubale, zomwe zimayambitsa kusatetezeka. Kusatetezeka kumeneku nthawi zambiri kumaonekera mu kusalingana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi, komwe kumawonetsedwa ndi machitidwe monga kunyalanyaza muubwenzi , kunyengerera, komanso kufunikira kwakukulu kolamulira ngakhale zisankho zazing'ono kwambiri - kuzungulira kovuta komwe kumalepheretsa kukhazikitsidwa kwa kumvetsetsana ndi mgwirizano. Kuzindikira ndi kuthana ndi malo a ulamuliro mkati mwa inu nokha ndi mnzanu kungakhale sitepe yofunika kwambiri pakumasuka ku machitidwe owononga a mikangano ya mphamvu, kulimbikitsa mphamvu zabwino zomangidwa pa kuvomereza ndi kugwirizana."

Thanzi labwino vs kulimbirana mphamvu mopanda thanzi mumaubwenzi

Ubale uliwonse ndi kulimbana kwamphamvu - kulimbirana mphamvu mu maubwenzi ndi gawo lachilengedwe loyendetsa mikangano ndikukhazikitsa chikoka. Komabe, momwe mikangano yamphamvu iyi imawonekera ndikugwiritsidwira ntchito kungatsimikizire ngati zimathandizira kuti ubale ukhale wathanzi kapena wopanda thanzi.

Kulimbirana mphamvu kwaumoyo

Kulimbana kwamphamvu kumatha kuonedwa kuti ndikwabwino ngati pali:

• Kulankhulana bwino: Polimbana ndi mphamvu, okondedwa amalankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima za zosowa zawo, zokhumba zawo, ndi nkhawa zawo. Amamvetserana wina ndi mnzake, amafuna kumvetsetsa malingaliro osiyanasiyana, ndikuwonetsetsa kuti onse ali pa tsamba limodzi popanga zisankho.
• Kulemekezana: Onse omenyera nkhondo amalemekeza ufulu wawo wodziyimira pawokha ndikuvomereza kutsimikizika kwa malingaliro ndi malingaliro awo. Pali kudzipereka pakupeza mgwirizano womwe umalemekeza zosowa ndi moyo wa munthu aliyense
• Kuthetsa kusamvana kolimbikitsa: M'malo motengera kunyengerera mwachikondi kapena njira zowongolera, maanja omwe ali mkangano wamphamvu amagwirira ntchito limodzi kuti apeze mayankho. Amayang'ana mikangano ngati mwayi wakukula ndi kumvetsetsa, kuphunzira kuchokera kwa wina ndi mzake panthawiyi
• Chisoni: Chifundo chimakhala ndi gawo lofunikira pakugwiritsa ntchito bwino mphamvu mu ubale. Othandizana nawo amayesetsa kumvetsetsana momwe akumvera komanso zomwe akumana nazo, kulimbikitsa kulumikizana mwakuya ndikuchepetsa kuthekera kwa kulamulira kwa mbali imodzi, kuwonana wina ndi mnzake pazambiri. mulingo waumwini

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Kulimbirana mphamvu kosayenera

Kumbali inayi, kulimbana kochokera ku kusalinganika kwamphamvu kosayenera muubwenzi kumawonetsedwa ndi:

• Kuwongolera ndi kuwongolera: Polimbana ndi mphamvu zopanda thanzi, m'modzi kapena onse awiri atha kugwiritsa ntchito njira, kuwongolera, kapena kuumiriza kuti akwaniritse zomwe akufuna. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati kusokoneza malingaliro, kuyatsa gasi, kapena kuyesa kufooketsa munthu wina
• Kusalumikizana: Mphamvu zopanda thanzi nthawi zambiri zimaphatikizapo kusokonezeka kwa kulumikizana. Othandizana nawo atha kupewa kukambirana, zomwe zimabweretsa mikangano yosathetsedwa yomwe imakula ndikupangitsa malo oopsa
• Kunyalanyaza malire: M’kulimbirana ulamuliro kosayenera, pangakhale kupanda ulemu kwa wina ndi mnzake malire mu maubwenzi. Mnzake wina akhoza kupyola malire, zomwe zimatsogolera ku malingaliro a mkwiyo ndi malingaliro ophwanyidwa
• Win-lose mentality: M’malo mofuna kulolerana, kulimbirana ulamuliro kosayenera kungakhale ndi malingaliro opambana-kutaya. Kupambana kwa mnzako wina ndikugonja kwa mnzake, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale magawano komanso otsutsa
• Kuchuluka kwa mikangano: Kulimbirana mphamvu kosayenera nthawi zambiri kumakulirakulira m'malo motsika, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusamvana komanso kukwiya.

Kuzindikira zizindikiro za mphamvu zopanda thanzi ndikofunikira kuti zithetsedwe ndikuzisintha kukhala zathanzi. Thandizo la maanja kapena uphungu wa maubwenzi ukhoza kukhala zida zofunikira pophunzirira njira zoyankhulirana zogwira mtima komanso kukhala ndi moyo wabwino komanso wokhazikika.

Mitundu 4 Yakukangana Kwa Mphamvu Mu Maubwenzi

Kodi kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi ndi chiyani? Kodi kulimbana kwa mphamvu ndi khalidwe loipa lomwe munthu angakhale nalo muubwenzi? Kodi pangakhale kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu moyenera muubwenzi? Mukayamba kuona kuti inu ndi mnzanu mukukangana kuti mupeze mphamvu, maganizo oterewa odetsa nkhawa komanso kusatsimikizika kwa ubale wanu kungayambe kukuvutitsani. Kumvetsetsa mitundu inayi ya kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi kudzakuthandizani kudziwa ngati zomwe mukukumana nazo zili ndi thanzi labwino kapena zoopsa komanso zoyipa:

1. Kulimbana ndi mphamvu zofuna kusiya

Kulimbirana mphamvu kumeneku kumachitika pamene m'modzi amalakalaka ndikuyesera kukhazikitsa ubale wina wake, koma winayo akuwona kuti 'kusokoneza' ndikuthawa. Wothamangitsayo amaona kuti mnzawoyo ndi wosadzikonda kapena amamumana dala. Kumbali ina, wotalikirana naye amapeza wokondedwa wawo kukhala wosowa kwambiri.

Chimodzi mwa zitsanzo za kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi ndi kusalankhulana komwe kumachitika pambuyo pa mikangano pakati pa okwatirana. Pa kulimbana kwa mphamvu komwe kumafuna kuti wina achotsedwe, mnzawo m'modzi amapereka nthawi ndi mpata kwa winayo kuti apumule, pomwe winayo samuletsa pamene potsiriza ayesa kuthetsa vutoli.

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2. Kulimbirana mphamvu kwa anthu othamangitsa kutali

Kulimbirana mphamvu kumeneku kumachitika pamene m'modzi amalakalaka ndikuyesera kukhazikitsa ubale wina wake, koma winayo akuwona kuti 'kusokoneza' ndikuthawa. Wothamangitsayo amaona kuti mnzawoyo ndi wosadzikonda kapena amamumana dala. Kumbali ina, wotalikirana naye amapeza wokondedwa wawo kukhala wosowa kwambiri.

Chimodzi mwa zitsanzo za kulimbana kwa mphamvu pakati pa anthu ofuna kutali ndi anthu ena muubwenzi ndi mphamvu zokakamizana . Muubwenzi wotere, onse awiri amavina mopanda thanzi, osagwirizana pamlingo woyenera wa ubwenzi. Chitsanzo chabwino kwambiri ndi munthu amene amazimitsa foni yake atakangana paubwenzi wautali, pamene munthu amene amamufunafuna mwachidwi komanso mwachidwi amayesetsa kulankhula naye kudzera mwa mnzake kapena abale ake.

3. Mantha-manyazi kulimbana mphamvu

Kulimbana kwa mphamvu pakati pa mantha ndi manyazi kumatanthauza kuti mantha a mnzanu m'modzi amayambitsa manyazi mwa wina. Izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika chifukwa cha mantha ndi kusadzidalira komwe kumabweretsa malingaliro opewa komanso manyazi mwa wina. Ndipo mosemphanitsa. Mwachitsanzo, muubwenzi ndi mavuto azachuma , ngati mnzanu m'modzi akuda nkhawa kuti alibe ndalama zokwanira, winayo angamve manyazi kuti sakupeza ndalama zokwanira. Zotsatira zake, munthu m'modzi akamavutika maganizo kapena kuda nkhawa ndi zochitika zina, winayo amadzipatula kuti abise manyazi omwe akumva.

Pamene m'modzi amadzipatula chifukwa cha manyazi, wokondedwayo yemwe ali ndi mantha amakonda kugawana zomwe akuganiza kuti sakumumva. Izi zimapanga kutsika koyipa. Popeza mantha ndi manyazi nthawi zambiri amatchedwa kukhumudwa kofooketsa kwambiri, magawo olimbana ndi mphamvu paubwenzi amatha kukwera mpaka kufika pamlingo wopanda thanzi komanso wapoizoni muzochitika izi, zomwe zimawononga thanzi lamalingaliro ndi kudzidalira kwa onse awiri.

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4. Kulimbana ndi chilango-kupewa

Kulimbirana mphamvu kumeneku m’maubwenzi okondana kumazikidwa pakufuna kwa wina kulanga mnzake. Wokondedwayo adzakalipira mnzakeyo ndi kudzudzula, mkwiyo, ndi zofuna. Amayesetsanso kuletsa chikondi, kuchisiya kuti chiziyenda pang’onopang’ono, amachiona kuti ndi njira yopulumutsira chikondi posonyeza kuti ali ndi mphoto komanso chilango. Pofuna kupewa kulangidwa, mnzakeyo amangokhalira kugonja n’kuyamba kukhumudwa.

Kulimbana kotereku muukwati kapena maubwenzi ndi koopsa kwambiri ndipo kumadziwika ndi mawu oletsa ndi ziwopsezo. Monga njira yodzitetezera, munthu amene akulandira khalidwe lonyoza lotere nthawi zambiri amasiya kulankhula chete , zomwe zimangowonjezera malingaliro oipa mwa mnzanu amene akufuna kulanga.

Momwe Mungadziwire Zizindikiro Za Kulimbana Kwa Mphamvu Mu Maubwenzi?

Kumvetsetsa tanthauzo lamphamvu m'mawu am'maganizo ndi chinthu chimodzi, kuphunzira kuzindikira chizolowezi ichi muubwenzi wanu ndi chinanso. Nthawi zambiri, kuchoka ku chimodzi kupita ku chimzake sikophweka. Ndi chifukwa chakuti nthawi zambiri timakana nkhani zathu zaubwenzi.

Ngati mukuwona kuti nonse inu ndi mnzanuyo mumakonda kukhalira limodzi koma simukutsimikiza ngati izi zikuyenera kukhala chizindikiro cha kulimbana kwamphamvu mu maubwenzi apamtima, tcherani khutu ku zizindikiro zotsimikizirika za kulimbirana mphamvu mu maubwenzi:

1. Mumasewera masewera amalingaliro

Chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zodziwika bwino za kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi ndi chizolowezi chosewera masewera amisala kuti munthu wina apusitsane. Kaya ndi kubwerezabwereza kulankhula ndi munthu wakale kapena kusatumizirana mameseji mwadala koma nthawi zonse kuyankha , machitidwe awa ndi zida zowongolera malingaliro, chibadwa, ndi zochita za mnzanu.

Winawake akakhala ndi vuto ndi mnzake, mumabwerera m'njira yongoyang'ana kuti muwonetse kusakondwa kwanu. Kulankhulana moona mtima, momasuka ndi kovuta kwambiri muubwenzi wanu. Izi ndi zina mwazizindikiro zoyambirira za gawo lomenyera mphamvu mu maubwenzi. Dhriti anati: “Munthu amene amasewera maganizo amasiya kudziwa zimene zili zofunika paubwenziwo, n’kumaika patsogolo ‘kupambana’ kwake m’malo mwa thanzi la chibwenzicho.

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2. Kudziona kuti ndine wapamwamba

Kodi kulimbirana mphamvu mu maubwenzi kumawoneka bwanji? Chizindikiro chodziwikiratu ndi chakuti chanu si mgwirizano wofanana. Kutali ndi izo, kwenikweni. Mmodzi wa inu kapena nonse mukukhala ndi malingaliro osagwedezeka a kukhala apamwamba kuposa ena. Zingakhale chifukwa cha ntchito yanu, banja lanu, maphunziro, kapena chuma, bwenzi limodzi limamva ngati winayo akulephera nthawi zonse.

Motero, 'wokhazikika' amamva kufunika kosalekeza kulemekeza ndi kulamulira 'wofikira', zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale nkhondo yolimbana ndi mphamvu. 'Wofikira' amakumana ndi mavuto ofooka a kudziona ngati wosafunika . Zitsanzo zotere za nkhondo yolimbana ndi mphamvu muubwenzi ndizofala mu mantha ndi manyazi, pomwe mnzanu m'modzi nthawi zonse amapangitsa winayo kumva ngati sakukwanira, zomwe zimamupangitsa kukhala ndi maganizo odzipatula.

3. Mumapikisana wina ndi mzake

M’malo mochita zinthu mogwirizana, okwatirana amene ali ndi mikangano yamphamvu m’banja kapena pachibwenzi amaona kufunika kopikisana paokha. Kaya ndi akatswiri kapena zinthu zazing'ono monga yemwe amawoneka bwino paphwando, nthawi zonse mumayesetsa kuti mupambane. Ngati, mwachitsanzo, nkhani za mnzako wokwezedwa zikukusiyani ndi dzenje m'mimba mwanu kapena kukwezedwa kwanu kumawapangitsa kukhala ansanje mowonekera, mutha kuwerengera izi pakati pazizindikiro zoyambirira zakulimbana ndi mphamvu muubwenzi wachikondi.

"Komabe, chifukwa cha kulimbana kwabwino kwa mphamvu, okwatiranawo angadziwe zomwe zimayambitsa maganizo awo komanso zomwe zimawapangitsa kukhala ndi nsanje. Angadziwe mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya kusakhazikika muubwenzi , kuzindikira kwawo, kupeza njira zochiritsira, ndikulankhulana bwino zomwe aliyense wa iwo akufunikira, kuti atsimikizire kuti ubale wawo suli ndi nsanje," akutero Dhriti.

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4. Mumakokerana pansi

Chizindikiro china tingachipeze powerenga kuti inu munakhala mu mphamvu kulimbana siteji mu ubwenzi ndi kuti mwina mnzanuyo amakoka inu pansi kapena inu kuchita chimodzimodzi kwa iwo. Mwina nonse mumatha kuchitapo kanthu nthawi ndi nthawi. Kodi mukuwona mawu achipongwe m'malingaliro a mnzanu pa zochita zanu, zomwe mwakwaniritsa, ndi zolephera zanu? Kapena mumadzipeza kuti mukunyozedwa ndi awo? Kodi mumamva ngati mukudzilungamitsa nokha kwa wokondedwa wanu? Kapena iwo kwa inu?

Dhriti akuti, “Samalani ndi zizindikiro zoonekeratu za kusalemekeza, monga mawu onyoza omwe amabisika ngati nthabwala (Mwachitsanzo, kutchula mnzanu kuti “mnzanu wapamtima”). Kunyalanyaza kapena kunyoza zomwe mnzanuyo amakonda kapena kunyoza zomwe amasamala nazo kungakhale chizindikiro cha kulimbana kwa mphamvu.”

5. Chikondi chachoka m'moyo wanu

Kodi simukukumbukira pamene munachitirana chilichonse chapadera? Kapena kupita kokacheza usiku? Kapena munangokhala madzulo momasuka pamodzi, wokutidwa mu bulangeti, kulankhula ndi kuseka? M'malo mwake, kodi inu ndi mnzanuyo mumayamba kukangana pa ntchito zapakhomo, zopitako, ndi maudindo?

Mwafika pa siteji iyi ya kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi wanu kudzera mu kudzipatula nthawi zonse, kupewa, kupitilizabe, komanso kuletsa kulankhulana. Inu, mnzanu, kapena nonse mwakhala omasuka kusalankhulana kapena kuyanjana kuti mupewe kupweteka ndi mkwiyo, motero, kuchuluka kwa ubale wapamtima muubwenzi wanu kwakhala kovuta. Makhalidwe amenewa ndi zizindikiro za gawo la kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi lomwe lakhala likuchitika kwa nthawi yayitali. Pokhapokha mutachitapo kanthu mwachangu kuti muchotse mwa kuswa mavuto mwanzeru ndikugwira ntchito yokonza kulumikizana , ubale wanu upitiliza kuvutika.

6. Simungavomereze ngakhale kusiyana kochepa kwambiri

Ubwenzi ukafika poti ngakhale kusiyana pang'ono kumakhala kovuta kuvomereza, nthawi zambiri kumawonetsa nkhani zazikulu zomwe zingayambitse mkangano wa mphamvu. Izi zitha kuchitika chifukwa cha chikhumbo chofuna kulamulira , mantha a kusintha, kapena kufunikira kuti zinthu zigwirizane ndi zomwe munthu akuyembekezera.

Dhriti anati: “Ngati pali kusavomerezana kosalekeza kaamba ka kusiyana kwa mnzako, ndi chiyembekezo chakuti iwo agwirizane ndi zokonda zanu, zingasonyeze kulimbirana mphamvu.” Ngati ngakhale kusiyana kwakung’ono kwambiri kwa malingaliro kungachititse kuti muthe kutha, mukulimbana ndi mphamvu.

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7. Simunganyengerere pa chilichonse

Chizolowezi chosatha kuvomereza chilichonse — ngakhale kupanga zisankho zosavuta — muubwenzi chingakhale chizindikiro choopsa, kusonyeza mavuto omwe angakhalepo pakati pa okwatirana. Chimasonyeza malingaliro okhwima, kusonyeza kulimbana kwa mphamvu muubwenzi. Kuuma mtima kumeneku kungachokere ku chikhumbo chofuna kulamulira, kusowa chifundo muubwenzi , kapena kusafuna kuganizira malingaliro ena.

Dhriti anati: “Pamkangano wolamulira, kulolerana kungaoneke ngati zosatheka chifukwa onse awiri akuona ngati akusiya chinthu chofunika kwambiri.” Muziona zizindikiro za maganizo a munthu mmodzi kapena onse aŵiriwo, n’kumalepheretsa kupeza mfundo zimene amagwirizana,” anatero Dhriti.

8. Kulankhulana kwabwino kwasanduka chikumbukiro chakutali

Kusokonekera kwa kulumikizana ndi chizindikiro chachikulu cha kulimbana kwamphamvu muubwenzi, zomwe zikuwonetsa kutha kwa kusinthanitsa chidziwitso, malingaliro, ndi kumvetsetsana pakati pa okondedwa. Othandizana nawo amapewa kukambirana zinthu zofunika kwambiri kapena amangokhala chete. Kupewa kungakhale njira yopewera mikangano, koma polimbana ndi mphamvu, kusowa kuyankhulana kumasonyeza kusafuna kulankhulana momasuka ndikuyang'anizana ndi zomwe zimayambitsa.

9. Nthawi zambiri mumanyalanyaza malire a wina ndi mzake

Pankhani ya kulimbirana mphamvu mu maubwenzi, kunyalanyaza malire kungakhudze kwambiri kusintha kwapakati pa okondedwa. Zikusonyeza kuti m'banja mulibe ulemu. Kuphwanya malire pafupipafupi kungathenso kulumikizidwa ndi kusokonekera kwa kulumikizana. Othandizana nawo angavutike kufotokoza zosowa zawo ndi ziyembekezo zawo momveka bwino, zomwe zimadzetsa kusamvana ndi kuphwanya mobwerezabwereza.

Kuphwanya malire a mgwirizano kungalimbikitse mphamvu muubwenzi. Zochita za mnzanu aliyense zingachitike chifukwa cha chilakolako chofuna kulamulira kapena kusafuna kuvomereza ufulu wa mnzake. Pakapita nthawi, kunyalanyaza malire kosalekeza kungayambitse mkwiyo waukulu. Pakhoza kukhala kunyoza muubwenzi wanu komwe okwatirana onse awiri angakhale ndi malingaliro oipa, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale mlengalenga woipa wamaganizo womwe umalepheretsa thanzi laubwenzi wonse.

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Kuyesera kuyimitsa kulimbana kwamphamvu muubwenzi sikophweka. Pamafunika kugwira ntchito mozindikira kuchokera kwa onse awiri kuti athetse maubwenzi osayenera ndikusintha machitidwe abwino. Koma ngati mukudzipereka kugwira ntchitoyo, mutha kuphunzira za kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu moyenera muubwenzi. Dhriti amalimbikitsa masitepe 5 awa amomwe mungathetsere kulimbirana mphamvu muubwenzi ndikupanga kulumikizana kwathunthu:

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1. Vomerezani kulimbirana mphamvu muubwenzi

Kulimbana ndi mphamvu kumayambiriro kwa chiyanjano ndikosapeweka. Zoyambitsa zatsopano zitha kuyambitsanso mikangano yamphamvu muubwenzi. Monga momwe zilili ndi vuto lililonse laubwenzi, sitepe yoyamba yochilitsa ndikusuntha ndewu yamphamvu ndikuvomereza kuti mukulimbana nayo. Izi zimafuna kufotokoza vutolo.

Dhriti akulangiza kuti, “Yambani mwa kudzifufuza nokha ndikudzifunsa chifukwa chake mnzanuyo ali ndi mphamvu kapena mphamvu zinazake zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala osasangalala. Kuzindikira ndikumvetsetsa mantha anu kapena chifukwa chake mumadzimva kuti ndinu osatetezeka ndikofunikira kwambiri pothana ndi zomwe zimayambitsa nkhondo ya mphamvu.”

2. Kuthetsa mavuto olankhulana

Muyenera kuthana ndi zolepheretsa kulumikizana kuti mudutse gawo lomenyera mphamvu muubwenzi wanu. Chinsinsi cha mgwirizano uliwonse wathanzi ndi wokhazikika ndikulankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima. Izi zikutanthawuza kuphunzira luso lolankhulana mwachilengedwe lomwe limakupatsani mwayi kuti mutsegule mtima wanu wina ndi mzake popanda kukhudza mitsempha yaiwisi iliyonse. Izi zitha kuthandiza okondedwa kuyambiranso ubale wamphamvu womwe anali nawo pachibwenzi. Kumanga pa kulumikizana uku kumapereka njira yakutsogolo yaubwenzi wabwino popanda kulimbirana mphamvu.

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3. Kuthetsa mikangano yosatha

Kukhala ndi ndewu zomwezo mobwerezabwereza kungakusiyeni m'machitidwe owononga. Izi zimabweretsa kusatetezeka, mantha, kapena nkhawa zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano paubwenzi. Ndicho chifukwa chake kuthetsa mikangano yobwerezabwereza ndikuletsa kuwonjezereka kwa nkhani ndikofunikira.

" Pamene nkhani iliyonse ikusintha kukhala mkangano , ndikofunikira kuzindikira nthawi yomwe malingaliro akukwera kufika pamlingo wosapindulitsa. Ngati pakufunika, tengani nthawi kuti muchepetse mkwiyo ndikupeza malingaliro abwino. Gwiritsani ntchito nthawiyi kudzifufuza, kuwunika momwe mukumvera komanso zomwe mukuyembekezera. Mukabwerera m'mbuyo, yambiransoni kukambirana pamene onse awiri ali bata. Yambani kukambirana ndi cholinga chomvetsetsa malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake m'malo mopambana mkanganowo. Kulankhulana bwino kumaphatikizapo kumvetsera mwachidwi komanso kufunitsitsa kupeza mfundo zomwe mukugwirizana," akutero Dhriti pa momwe mungapitirire pa gawo la nkhondo ya mphamvu muubwenzi.

4. Osasewera khadi lozunzidwa

Pamene mukumva kuti akukuvutitsani, kuchitiridwa manyazi, kapena kulangidwa ndi mnzanuyo, mwachibadwa kumverera kwachipongwe kumalowetsamo. Inuyo ndi amene ufulu wanu ukuchotsedwa. Amene amachititsidwa kudziimba mlandu chifukwa cha zonse zomwe sizili bwino muubwenzi. Amene ayenera kupirira kupsa mtima kwaukali. Musanayambe demonize mnzanuyo mu malingaliro anu, kutenga sitepe mmbuyo ndi kuunika ngati zilidi choncho.

Kodi mwakhala mukuchita nawo mbali pankhondo yolimbana ndi mphamvu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale wanu ukhale woopsa ? Kodi mwanjira ina mukuika mantha anu kwa mnzanu? Kodi zimenezo zimapangitsa kuti ubale wanu ukhale wovuta? Kuti mugonjetse nkhondo yolimbana ndi mphamvu muubwenzi wanu, muyenera kuyang'ana momwe zinthu zilili pankhaniyi kuchokera pamalingaliro atsopano.

5. Landirani ndikuvomereza kusiyana kwanu

Palibe anthu awiri ofanana. Ndipo zomwe akumana nazo pa moyo wawo, malingaliro awo, ndi malingaliro awo sizili zofanana. Komabe, kusiyana kumeneku kukayamba kuyambitsa mikangano, palibe mnzawo amene angakhale weniweni muubwenziwo. Kenako, monga njira yodzitetezera, onse amayamba kugwira ntchito yolimbitsa mphamvu. Poyembekezera kuti luso logwiritsa ntchito chinyengo cha maganizo motsutsana ndi wina lidzawapatsa mwayi wokhala amene akufuna kukhala.

Njira imeneyi nthawi zambiri imakhala yosapindulitsa, ndikusiya onse awiri ali mumkangano wozama kwambiri paubwenzi. Njira yowoneka ngati yosavuta - ngakhale ndiyosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita - njira yothanirana ndi izi ndikugwira ntchito molimbika kuvomereza ndi kuvomereza kusiyana kwa wina ndi mnzake.

Dhriti anati: “Mvetserani kuti kusagwirizana kwa mnzakoyo sikungawopsyeze ubwenzi wanuwo.

Kugonjetsa kulimbirana mphamvu muukwati kapena maubwenzi sikophweka. Sizichitika usiku wonse. Palibenso batani lamatsenga lomwe lingakhazikitsenso ma dynamics angapo kuti akhale abwino. Muyenera kudzipereka kuchita khama, tsiku ndi tsiku, kuti mudutse gawo lomenyera mphamvu muubwenzi.

Ngati ndi vuto lomwe mwakhala mukulimbana nalo, ganizirani zolankhula ndi katswiri wa gulu la Bonobology kapena katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito zamaganizo amene ali pafupi nanu. Kugwira ntchito ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito kungakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa bwino makhalidwe anu ndi zomwe zimayambitsa vutoli komanso kuthetsa vuto la mphamvu muubwenzi. Njira ya John Gottman ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yothetsera mavuto a mphamvu.

Ibibazo

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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