Iimpawu ezili-15 zothando lokwenene

Ngo-1993, umculi uHaddaway wabuza umbuzo onzulu ngengoma yakhe, Yintoni uthando (ilandelwa ngu “Baby, don’t hurt me” kodwa oko kokwelinye ixesha). Ngaphambi kwakhe, amawaka eembongi, ababhali neentanda-bulumko aye acamngca ngalo mbuzo mnye. Ekuphela kwendlela yokufumana impendulo kukuqonda iimpawu zothando ezibonakala zixhaphake ehlabathini lonke kumava alo.

Uthando lokwenene, amandla antsonkothileyo agubungela iintliziyo nemiphefumlo, kudala eyibambile indlela abantu abacinga ngayo. Ziziphi iimpawu zothando ezilwahlulayo kwintabatheko nje? Sizibona njani iimpawu zoqhagamshelwano lokwenene? Yaye ziziphi iimpawu zothando oluqolileyo, olukwaziyo ukumelana nezaqhwithi zobomi? Kolu phononongo lweempawu ezili-15 zothando lokwenene, singena kubunzulu bolu vakalelo lungaqhelekanga, sityhila iimfihlelo ezityhila ubunzulu namandla alo.

IiMpawu ezili-15 zothando lwenene-Ukuchonga uthando lokwenyani 

Uthando, oluyinyaniso noluhlala luhleli, yintambo elukwe ngemisonto yokuthembana, ukuhlonelana, ulonwabo lokwenene novelwano. Ifuna okungaphezulu kunenkanuko yomzuzwana; ifuna ukuqola okumelana neemvavanyo zexesha nokuphelisa uloyiko. 

Ke, makhe sityhalele phambili, sityhila ubugocigoci bothando lokwenene kwaye sikhanyisela iimpawu ezilwahlulayo kwiintlebendwane zothando ezingapheliyo: 

1. Ukuthembela kunye nokunyaniseka

Enye yeempawu zokuqala zothando kubukho obusebenzayo bokuthembana nokunyaniseka. Amaqabane eluthandweni banokholo kwiinjongo zomnye kwaye kukho ukungafihli kubudlelwane ngeengcinga, iimvakalelo nezenzo zabo. Bathembana ngokungagungqiyo, besazi ukuba banokuthembela kwiqabane labo ukuba banyaniseke kwaye banyaniseke xa bezibandakanya kuthando lothando.

Ukuthembela kunye nokunyaniseka kubudlelwane bothando nako kuvumela indawo yokukhula ngokomoya. Imvakalelo yokhuseleko ikwenza ukwazi ukomeleza ukholo lwakho kwintandabulumko yothando kwaye uqonde ngakumbi uthando kwindawo okuyo.

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2. Ukuhlonelana

Olunye uphawu lothando oluyimfuneko kulwalamano oluphilileyo kukuhloniphana. Uthando lokwenene luquka ukuhlonela imida, iimbono nobuntu bomnye nomnye. Amaqabane ahloniphana kwaye ayaxabisana, eqonda iimpawu ezizodwa ezibenza babe ngabahlobo:

• Uthando oludityaniswe ngentlonipho ludala indawo engcwele ekhuselekileyo nenesondlo, ikhusela amaqabane ekwenzakaleni, ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo.
• Ukuhloniphana isebenza njengekhaka ngokuchasene nokuphathwa kakubi, ukulawula, okanye ukuphathwa kakubi, ikhuthaza imeko apho omabini amaqabane anokufuna ulonwabo lokwenene.
• Kungenxa yentlonipho oluthi uthando lube ngumlindi ongaxengaxengiyo, ogcina iqhina elixabisekileyo nokuqinisekisa ukuba lihlala ixesha elide.

3. Unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo

Unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo nolusebenzayo lolunye lweempawu eziphambili zesithandwa esihle. Amaqabane angabonisa iimfuno zabo, iminqweno, kunye neenkxalabo zabo ngokuphandle nangentlonipho kuba kuphelisa uloyiko lwesigwebo. Bazi abaphulaphuli abalungileyo omnye komnye kunye nokwenza umzamo wokuqonda iimbono zomnye nomnye, ukukhuthaza imvakalelo enzulu yoqhagamshelwano kunye nokuqonda.

UJia, igqwetha laseMassachusetts, wabelana ngemfihlo yakhe kubudlelwane obuhlala ixesha elide. Uthi, "Ndibe nethamsanqa eluthandweni kuba mna kunye neqabane lam sihlala siqhelisela ubugcisa bonxibelelwano oluvulekileyo. Yenye yeempawu zothando ezahlula iintambo kubudlelwane obunentsingiselo. Ekupheleni kosuku, ndiyakwazi ukuthetha oko kusengqondweni yam kwaye naye unako. Sabelana ngokuphoxeka kunye neemvakalelo ezisekelwe kuloyiko kwaye simamelane ngengqondo evulekileyo kunye novelwano lwentliziyo, imfihlo yomtshato we-20 iminyaka. 

4. Inkxaso nenkuthazo

Ifilosofi yothando inokugqunywa kwinyaniso elula: amaqabane kubudlelwane bothando abhiyozela impumelelo yomnye. Bavuyiswa ngokwenene koloyiso lomnye nomnye, olukhulu okanye oluncinane, besazi ukuba ulonwabo olukwabelwanayo luyakwandisa uvuyo. Lo mbhiyozo wempumelelo awusekelwanga ekuthelekisweni okanye kukhuphiswano kodwa kwinkolelo enzulu ekukhuleni okukodwa kunye nokukhula komntu ngamnye kwiqabane ngalinye.

Inkxaso nothando lweqabane kukukhusela ngeentsuku xa uziva uphantsi, xa inkuthazo ingekho, kwaye ufuna i-cheerleader ukukubuyisela endleleni yokukhula. Oku mhlawumbi lolona phawu lubalaseleyo lothando kuba unomntu osecaleni kwakho ozakukuchula ngobunono, akuchole xa usiwa, kwaye abhiyozele uloyiso lwakho.

5. Uvelwano novelwano

ukuba uphando, uthando nemfesane kufak’ isandla ekulawuleni ngokunzulu. Uphononongo luthi, "Uthando, ukuncamathela kunye novelwano kunokusebenza kakhulu ekunciphiseni uxinzelelo, ukusinda kunye nempilo yonke." Ezi zizenzo zokhathalelo lokwenyani oludlulela ngaphaya kwezimbo zomzimba, njengoko amaqabane eqonda ngentliziyo epheleleyo kwaye eqinisekisa ubunyani bomnye nomnye. Mandabelane ngeanecdote echukumisayo ebonisa amandla ka uvelwano kubudlelwane bothando.

USarah noJanuwari, isibini esivela e-LA, bebekunye iminyaka eliqela. Kwiintsuku zokuqala zobudlelwane babo, uSarah wayenengxaki yokukhathazeka. Ngenye imini, emva kwesiganeko esinzima kakhulu, wazibona sele ekhathazekile kwaye esengozini. UJanuary, eziqonda iingxaki zakhe, wahlala ecaleni kwakhe, wambamba ngesandla ngobubele, waza wathi, “Ndisenokungayiqondi kakuhle le nto ukuyo, kodwa ndilapha ngenxa yakho.

UJanuary wabonisa uvelwano ngokuziqonda iimvakalelo zikaSarah, kwanokuba wayengaziqondi ngokupheleleyo. Ukukulungela kwakhe ukuphulaphula, ukuthuthuzela nokuba ngumthombo wokomeleza uSara waziva eqondwa yaye exhaswa. Nawe, kufuneka ulufune olu phawu kubudlelwane bothando.

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6. Imilinganiselo neenjongo ekwabelwana ngazo 

Ehlabathini lothando lokwenene, ukufumana umntu owabelana ngexabiso kunye neenjongo zakho kufana nokufumanisa iqabane eligqibeleleyo kulwaphulo-mthetho. Kufana nokuba kubude obufanayo, kunye nokucofa kobudlelwane bakho kusetelwe 'kwimowudi ye-epic'. Khawube nalo mfanekiso-ngqondweni: Wena neqabane lakho nifana neeertyisi ezimbini ezikwipod, nihamba kunye. Nobabini niyavuma ukuba ipizza lelona qela lokutya kwaye ukubukela iNetflix uthotho yinto yokuzonwabisa esemthethweni. 

Kodwa akukhona nje kwizinto ezincinci. Wena neqabane lakho ninombono ekwabelwana ngawo ngekamva lakho eliqaqambileyo. Nokuba kunjalo ukuphupha ukuhamba kunye nehlabathi, ukwakha ikhaya elizaliswe luthando kunye nokuhleka, okanye ukoyisa indalo yonke (heyi, kutheni kungenjalo?), ukwiphepha elifanayo. Niyaxhasana amaphupha omnye nomnye, nivuyisane, kwaye ninqwenela ngolangazelelo ukuzonwabisa okumangalisayo okuzayo. Le yenye yeempawu zothando ezikunceda uve amandla othando olungagungqiyo. 

7. Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo

Olona phawu lubalulekileyo lothando luqolileyo kukusondelelana kuwo onke amanqanaba: ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwengqondo nangokomoya. Kwindawo yothando lokwenyani, ukusondelelana lulwimi oluyimfihlo lothando oluqonda wena kunye neqabane lakho kuphela. Kufana nokuba neqamza lakho elincinane leziqhulo zangaphakathi, ukuwolana, kunye namaxesha amnandi enza intliziyo yakho itsibe isingqi. Kwaye masingawalibali amandla okusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni. A isifundo ithi "ukubambana yindlela exhaphake kakhulu kubudlelwane bothando kwaye abantu bafuna ukuchukunyiswa ngakumbi ngumntu othandana naye kunokwezinye iindibano." Ineenzuzo zempilo yomzimba kunye nengqondo kumaqabane omabini.

Nangona kunjalo, imalunga nokungaphezulu nje izijekulo zothando kunye nokuncamisa okubiweyo (nangona ezo zoyikeka kakhulu nazo). Imalunga nokuziva ukhululekile emzimbeni wakho. Wamkela ii-quirks zeqabane lakho, ukusuka kwiinwele zabo zebhedi engapheliyo ukuya kwi-symphony emnandi yokurhona. Kufana nokuba nesihlalo esingaphambili kumboniso obalaseleyo eMhlabeni, kwaye awuyi kufuna ngenye indlela.

Kodwa ubuhlobo abukho nje ukuzonwabisa kunye nemidlalo; kukwamalunga nokubakho omnye komnye ngamaxesha anzima. Kumalunga nokudala indawo ekhuselekileyo apho unokuyeka ukulinda kwakho kuba uthando lugxotha uloyiko. Kufana nokuba nengubo epholileyo yothando kunye nokuqonda okugubungelayo, kukunika intuthuzelo namandla xa ubomi buba nzima.

8. Ukwamkelwa

Enye yeempawu ezibalulekileyo kumxholo wothando lothando kukwamkelwa. Kuthetha ukuqonda nokwamkela iimpawu ezintle zomntu kwakunye neemvakalelo zakhe ezingakhiyo. 

Ibandakanya ukuqonda ukuba babodwa, kunye neseti yabo yamandla kunye nobuthathaka, amava, kunye nemibono. Uthando lokwenyaniso luyakuvuyela kokubini ukukhanya nesithunzi esingaphakathi emntwini, sivuma ukuba akukho mntu ufezekileyo nokuba ukungafezeki kuyinxalenye yemvelo yamava omntu:

• Ulwamkelo ludlulela ku ukwamkela ixesha elidlulileyo leqabane lakho, iimpazamo, kunye nokwenzakala, kunye nohambo lwabo lokuphilisa
• Ulwamkelo luyaqonda ukuba wonke umntu uphethe imithwalo yakhe. Ibonisa uvelwano novelwano
• Ukwamkelwa akuthethi ukukhululeka; ixhasa ukukhula kunye nophuhliso lomntu
• Ibandakanya ukwamkela utshintsho kunye nenguqu, umntu ngamnye nanjengesibini
• Ukwamkelwa kudala ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kunye nenkululeko kubudlelwane

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9. Ukuthobela kunye nokuguquguquka

Ukulungelelana kunye nokuguquguquka kubonisa ukukulungela ukukhangela iiyantlukwano kunye nokufumana izisombululo ezizuzisa bobabini abantu kubudlelwane. Kakade ke, zikho ngokuqinisekileyo izinto ongafanele uziyeke kubudlelwane. Umzekelo, asithethi ngokuncama okukhulu njengokuhla kwinqwelomoya ukuya eParis ukuze nje uvuselele uthando noyise womntwana wakho (njengoRachel abahlobo).

Khawube nomfanekiso-ngqondweni woku: Isibini esithandanayo esithandanayo siyahlukana. UCharlotte libhabhathane lentlalontle ngelixa uGeorge engumntu oqalayo othanda ixesha elizolileyo kwindawo yakhe yokujonga. Bobabini abantu bathandana ngokunzulu kodwa bazifumana bengavisisani xa kuziwa kwizinto abazikhethayo ekuhlaleni.

Kule meko, ukulungelelana kunye nokuguquguquka kubaluleke kakhulu ekukhuthazeni ubudlelwane obunobunye obuvuza ulonwabo lokwenyani ekugqibeleni. Ukuze omnye nomnye aphile ubomi bokunyaniseka, isibini sifanele sifumane izinto esivumelana ngazo. Uthando lokwenene ludibanisa abantu xa ludityaniswe nokuvumelana okulinganayo kunye nokuguquguquka kwamaqela omabini abandakanyekayo.

10. Ubuhlobo

Olunye lweempawu zesithandwa esihle kukuba nabo banokuba ngumhlobo wakho. Ngokutsho kukaTerri Cole, ugqirha wengqondo, kunye nengcali yobudlelwane, "Zonke izinto ezenza ubudlelwane obuhle - ukuthembana, ukuthobelana, intlonipho, inkathalo, uvelwano, ukuba sesichengeni, unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo - zonke ezo zinto kufuneka zibe kubuhlobo bakho obusondeleyo, ubuhlobo bakho obuqhelekileyo kunye nobudlelwane bakho bothando. "

Umhlobo othandekayo ubaluleke ngakumbi ngamanye amaxesha kuneqabane lothando. Kwimeko efanelekileyo, ubudlelwane bothando bunokuhlala ubomi obungunaphakade kwaye uqalise olu hambo, udinga iqabane onokuthi wabelane nalo ngamahlandinyuka amaninzi. 

Njengobudlelwane bukaChandler noMonica bakhelwe kwisiseko sobuhlobo obunyanisekileyo, kufuneka ufune uthando lokwenyani kumntu onazo zonke ezi mpawu zokuba liqabane lakho. Xa ludibene nobuhlobo, uthando lokwenene luphelisa uloyiko lokungaqondwa ngumntu. 

11. Ukuzimela kunye nokuzimela

Nangona uthando lubophelela abantu kunye, kufuneka kwakhona luxhobise kwaye luxhase ukuzimela komntu ngamnye. Lolunye lweempawu ezingundoqo zothando lokwenene kuba aluzicingeli kwaye luyayivuma imvakalelo yomntu ngamnye. Ukuzimela kunye nokuzimela ziimpawu ezibalulekileyo zothando kuba ziyanceda misela imida ephilileyo kubudlelwane. Ivumela abantu ukuba bazigcine besempilweni kwaye ithintele ukuxhomekeka, iqinisekisa ubambiswano olulungeleleneyo noluzinzileyo apho nobabini nithandwa kakhulu. 

Uthando lusenza sizive singabantu bakaThixo abanyuliweyo omnye komnye yaye simele sibe yin kwiyang yabo. Kodwa kufuneka singawasebenzisi kakubi amandla kaThixo okuhlanganisa abantu ngokulindela omnye umntu ukuba adanise ingoma yakho.

Xa ndandisekholejini, ndandinomhlobo owakha wandixelela indlela ezinye iindinyana zeBhayibhile ezinikela ngayo iingcamango zenkululeko eluthandweni namandla azo omeleza ubuhlobo. Kwihlabathi lanamhlanje, ukuzimela kubudlelwane kudla ngokuba sisihloko esibalulekileyo esixhalabisayo. Ukuba zombini isayikholoji kunye nebhayibhile eNgcwele ziyakuphinda ukubaluleka kokuzimela kuthando lokwenyani, ke kufuneka sivume kwaye sisebenze ngokukhutheleyo ekufumaneni uthando lokwenyani olungakubambeleliyo. 

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12. Kwabelwana ngokuhleka kunye novuyo 

Ngothando lothando, ukuba kunye ekuguleni nakwimpilo kubalulekile, kodwa ukukwazi ukwabelana ngamaxesha angenangqondo kunye nokuhleka kuyadingeka ngokulinganayo. Enye yeempawu zothando kukukwazi ukwenza omnye nomnye ukuhleka kunye nokufumana uburharha kwezona zihlandlo zobomi banal.

Umlingane wam ube koyena budlelwane bonwabileyo ebomini bakhe iminyaka emi-3. Uthi, "Indoda iwa ngokunzulu ngenxa yomfazi ngubani na onokumenza ahleke. Oku, uThixo akusikelele, yiyo loo nto mna nentombi yam sonwabe kakhulu. Sizizihlobo ezithandekayo kwaye ngokukhutheleyo sifumana iindlela zokuzonwabisa ngokuzonwabisa ngezinto ezintsha kunye nemisebenzi. Kwanaxa singenzi nto, sinokuvuya xa siphakathi kwethu. Ndivakalelwa kukuba olo lolona phawu lubalulekileyo lothando. Kufana nokubukela umdlalo ohlekisayo wokuma, ngalo lonke ixesha. "

13. Uxolelo

Umcebisi ngomtshato kunye nesazi ngengqondo u-Everett Worthington wenze incwadi yokusebenzela ukunceda abantu ukuba bayeke kwaye baxolele. A isifundo kuqhutywe phakathi kwabathathi-nxaxheba abangama-4,598 bacele isiqingatha sabathathi-nxaxheba ukuba bagqibezele umthambo kulo. Emva kweeveki ezimbini, kwafunyaniswa ukuba incwadi yomsebenzi ikhuthaza uxolelo kwaye kukho ukuncipha okunentsingiselo ngokwezibalo kuxinzelelo kunye neempawu zokuxhalaba phakathi kwabasebenzisi xa kuthelekiswa neqela lolawulo.

Uthando lokwenene luyazi ukuba akukho qhina lingenako ukungavisisani okanye iimpazamo. Kodwa into eyahlulayo kukukwazi ukuxolela nokuyeka izinto ezibuhlungu ezidlulileyo. Uthando lunyamezela iimpazamo ezincinane kuba luyavuma ukuba omnye umntu ungumntu yaye unako ukwenza iimpazamo. Ukuba nenqala akulophawu lothando. 

Yityhefu ecothayo ebolisa isiseko sobudlelwane bothando kwaye yenza bobabini abantu babe lusizi. Oku akuthethi ukuba ubeka iliso kuyo yonke into. Vumela ithuba lengcaciso phambi kokuba unike isigwebo sakho. Ngamanye amaxesha, wena okanye iqabane lakho ninokwenza into angayithandiyo omnye umntu; oko kuqhelekile. Logama nje kungenakuziphatha okanye kuphosakele ngokwemigaqo (okanye kuchasene nefilosofi yakho yothando), ukuxolelwa yisosi eyimfihlo. yenza ubudlelwane buhlale ngonaphakade.

14. Ukuzinza ngokweemvakalelo

Khumbula ukuba i-iconic Xa uHarry Met Sally indawo apho uHarry ekugqibeleni waqonda ukuba uthandana noSally? Ukuzinza ngokweemvakalelo kufana nqwa nomoya oyingcwele ozolileyo noqokelelweyo othi ukutyhala ngobunono, usebeza, “Luthando, sithandwa sam.” 

Phakathi kwesaqhwithi seemvakalelo, olu phawu lusebenza njengomdlali osecaleni, okuncedayo ukwahlula uthando lokwenyani kuthando oludlulayo okanye. ii-flings eziqhelekileyo. Kufana nokuba ne-GPS yakho yeemvakalelo ekugcina ujonge kwicala elifanelekileyo.

Luphawu olubalulekileyo lothando kuba ii-rollercoasters zikwipaki ye-adventure, hayi ubudlelwane. Ukuzinza ngokweemvakalelo kuthando lokwenyani lunokuthetha izinto ezininzi: 

• Ukukwazi ukuhlala uzolile kwaye uqulunqwe ngexesha leemeko ezinzima
• Amandla okumelana noxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo ngaphandle koxinzelelo
• Isakhono sokulawula nokulawula iimvakalelo zomntu ngokufanelekileyo
• Ukomelela xa ujongene nobunzima, okuvumela ukuchacha ngokukhawuleza kunye nokulungelelanisa
• Izakhono eziphuculweyo zokusombulula iingxaki kunye nokwenza izigqibo
• Ukwanda kokuzazi kunye nokuqonda iimvakalelo zomntu kunye nezinto ezibangelayo
• Izakhono zonxibelelwano eziphuculweyo, ezivumela iingxoxo ezakhayo naphantsi kweemeko ezixineneyo
• Uvelwano kunye nokuqonda kwabanye, ukukhuthaza ubudlelwane obunempilo
• Ukuncitshiswa kwamathuba okwenziwa kongxamiseko okanye okungekho ngqiqweni
• Ukucaca okukhulu kwengqondo kunye nokugxila, okukhokelela kuphuculo lwentlalontle ngokubanzi

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15. Ukuzinikela kwexesha elide 

Uthando lugqatso lomgama, hayi ukubaleka. Kwaye kulo mnyhadala we-Olimpiki ongumzekeliso, ukuzibophelela kwexesha elide kukhanya njengokuzingisa, unyamezelo kunye nokuzinikela ekufikeleleni kumgca wokugqibela kunye. Kukuzimisela ukubopha iiteki zakho zeemvakalelo kwaye uqhubeke, nokuba ukurhona kweqabane lakho kufana neokhestra ye-chainsaw.

Ukuzinikela kwexesha elide isifundisa ukuba uthando alukho nje malunga nezimbo zomzimba ezinkulu, kodwa kunye nokukhetha kwemihla ngemihla esikwenzayo ukuhlala kuyo ixesha elide. Yenye yeempawu zothando eziyahlulayo kwiingceba ezidlulayo onazo okweshumi ngeveki. 

Ngelixa imibimbi inokuvela kwaye iinwele zinokuhlehla, ukuzibophelela kwexesha elide kuqinisekisa ukuba uthando luqhubeka luqhakaza njengewayini emnandi. Ngaba loo nto isithandwa sakho kwaye ucinga kunye? 

Ngelixa zininzi iimpawu zothando, intanda-bulumko yobuqu yothando inokwahluka kwaye akukho ndlela ilungileyo yothando oluhlala ixesha elide. Khumbula, musa ukufuna uthando oluya kukushiya imitha yelanga yokuqala, kodwa uthando oluya kunyamezela nkqu nezaqhwithi ezinamandla kwaye ziya kubamba isandla sakho njengoko ujonge kubusuku obuthambileyo. Au revoir, bahlobo abathandekayo. Ngamana ungalufumana uthando olufunayo.

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