Izinto ezili-10 Ezenza Ubudlelwane Obulungileyo-NjengeNgcali

Sonke siyazi ukuba ithamsanqa lilodwa alinqumli xa kufikwa ekwakheni iqhina eliqinileyo neqabane lakho. Kuthatha ukuzinikela, umzamo, kunye nomnqweno onyanisekileyo wokungapheleli nje ekuwenzeni usebenze, kodwa uwenze ubengcono! Ngoko, yintoni eyenza ulwalamano oluhle, yaye unokulomeleza njani?

Ngoku, ndiqinisekile ukuba ulivile igama elithi 'impilo epheleleyo' lijikeleza ngeli xesha lokuzikhathalela. Ibhekisa ekunyamekeleni zonke iinkalo zempilo yakho ukuze uphile ubomi obonwabisayo. Sithetha apha ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwasengqondweni, ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwentlalo, ngokwasengqondweni nangokwasemoyeni. Kwaye ngokwendalo, impilo yobudlelwane bakho idlala indima ebalulekileyo kuyo yonke le miba yobomi bakho.

Ukwenza lula ingxoxo malunga nempilo yobudlelwane, siye saqulunqa uluhlu olufutshane lwezinto ezili-10 ezenza ubudlelwane obuhle. Ngobuchule be Shazia Saleem (I-Master's in Psychology), egxile ekucebiseni ngokwahlukana kunye noqhawulo-mtshato, masikuncede wakhe obo budlelwane buqinileyo nobunempilo bamaphupha akho. Kwaye undithembe, ayisiyonzululwazi ye-rocket.

Ingcaphephe icebisa izinto ezili-10 ezenza ubudlelwane obuphilileyo

Shazia ithi, “Xa uthando lukhatshwa kukuthembana, ukuhlonelana nemida efanelekileyo, xa kungekho qabane liziva lisindwa yiyo nantoni na, yaye xa bobabini benelisekile yaye bonwabile kunye, ulwalamano olusemagqabini luyakhula.” Wongeza, “Ndicinga ukuba iimpawu ezintathu zokuqala zolwalamano oluhle zinokuziva ukhuselekile kwaye unqabisekile kwi ubudlelwane obutsha, yaye ngokuqinisekileyo, ukwamkelana njengoko kunjalo ngaphandle kokuziva kuyimfuneko ukuzitshintsha. Kwaye owesithathu unika omnye umntu indawo - ukungangeni kwindawo yobuqu kubudlelwane kubaluleke kakhulu. "

Ke, nokuba sele uhlangabezana nale miqondiso kubudlelwane bakho okanye ujonge ukusebenza kuyo, sikuphathele. U-Shazia usinike uluhlu lwezinto ezili-10 ezenza ubudlelwane obuqinileyo, kwaye sele siza kuzihlolisisa kunye. Masingene kanye phakathi.

1. Ukuhlonelana

Ukuhloniphana kusisiseko sobudlelwane obuphilileyo, kwaye kuvula indlela yokuba ezinye iimpawu ezibalulekileyo zichume. Unxibelelwano olusebenzayo, umzekelo, lukhula kwisiseko sentlonipho phakathi kwamaqabane. Kulapho iqabane ngalinye linokuthemba ukuba imbono yabo ayiyi kuvunywa kuphela kodwa iya kuqondwa ngokunyanisekileyo.

Ngoku, unokwazi njani intlonipho kubudlelwane? UShazia uthi: “Xa ujonga indlela abantu ababini abaphathana ngayo ubuya kwazi ukuba bayahlonelana, ngokomzekelo, amaqabane ahlonelanayo avumela omnye umntu angavumelani nawo. Nazi iimpawu ezimbalwa zokungahloniphi kubudlelwane:

• Ukungahoyi ixesha leqabane lakho kunye nendawo yobuqu
• Ukwenza izigqibo ezibalulekileyo ngaphandle kokubonisana okanye ukucingana 
• Ukungaxabisi okanye ukuvuma izimvo kunye neembono zeqabane lakho
• Ukungahoyi okanye ukungahoyi iimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zomnye
• Ukuthetha ngokungenambeko, ukubizana ngamagama, okanye ukuthukana
• Ukujongela phantsi okanye ukuthoba iqabane lakho phambi kwabanye, umzekelo, itheko lokufudumeza indlu 
• Ukunganyaniseki okanye ukunciphisa amava okanye iinkxalabo zeqabane lakho

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2. Ndithembe - Inxalenye ebalulekileyo kubudlelwane obukhulu

Ukuthembela kubandakanya ukuziva ukhuselekile kwaye uzithembile ekuthembeleni kwiqabane lakho, usazi ukuba banomdla kuwe entliziyweni, kwaye abayi kukwenzakalisa ngabom. Ukuthembela kwenza isiseko sokuthembeka kunye nokuzinza ngaphakathi kwebhondi, ukuyivumela ukuba iphumelele. Ngokwendalo yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo kubudlelwane.

Ukugcina uqhagamshelwano lwamehlo yindlela ebalulekileyo yokukhuthaza ukuthembela kwizibini eziphilileyo, nakwixesha lonxibelelwano lwedijithali. Ukuziva ukhululekile ngokwaneleyo ukubamba izandla nokufuna uncedo lwangaphandle xa lufuneka ziinkalo ezibalulekileyo zokuthembana. Ukuchitha ixesha kunye, nokuba ninobabini okanye nikunye nabantu esibathandayo, komeleza umanyano kwaye kukhulisa ukuthembana kulwalamano oluphilileyo.

Ubudlelwane bezothando bukhethekile kuba bubandakanya inqanaba elinzulu lokusondelelana kunye nokudibanisa ubomi. Ngoko ke, nokwakha ithemba ibalulekile kubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Luphawu oluhle xa bobabini abantu beziva bekhululekile ukuvakalisa izimvo zabo, njengoko kunceda ukukhulisa ukuthembana. Kodwa xa ukuthembana kungekho, uloyiko kunye namathandabuzo kuthatha indawo yako, kuthintele impilo-ntle jikelele yamandla. Ngaphandle kokuthembana, kuba lucelomngeni ukufumana ngokupheleleyo ulonwabo kunye nokukhululeka kokukwazi ukuthembela kunye nokuthembela kwiqabane lakho.

3. Imida enempilo

UShazia uthi, “Khawube nomfanekiso-ngqondweni uzenzela ikhaka lakho elikungqongileyo, iqamza elikhuselayo ekungekho mntu unokuliphazamisa.Ukudala imida yenye yeempawu zolwalamano oluhle.Kuthetha ukungalalanisi kwizinto ezibalulekileyo kuwe nokukwazi ukuvuma ukungavisisani kwimiba ethile engquzulanayo.Ukufumana isiseko esiphakathi esiluncedo omabini amaqabane luphawu olukhulu lolwalamano olulungileyo. imida enempilo. "

Ukumisela imida kumalunga nokuchaza into oza kuyinyamezela nongayi kuyinyamezela kubudlelwane bakho. Thatha umzuzwana uchonge iindawo apho ucinga ukuba ukhetho lwakho lwaphulwa. Kubalulekile ukunxibelelana ngokucacileyo iimvakalelo zomnye kunye nemida yakho njengomntu, ukwenza kucace kwiqabane lakho ukuba imigca ethile akufanele igqitywe. Ezi mpawu zenza ulwalamano oluhle. Ke nantsi eminye imizekelo embalwa ukuze uqalise:

• Ukubekela bucala ixesha lobuqu lokuzinyamekela nokuziphumza
• Ukuseka imida yezemali kunye nemida yenkcitho ekuvunyelwene ngayo
• Ukuseta imida malunga neefowuni zokuchitha ixesha kunye (umzekelo, akukho mnxeba wasemsebenzini ngexesha lobusuku bobusuku), ukusetyenziswa kwemidiya yoluntu kunye nokwabelana ngamaphasiwedi.

4. Ulwalamano oluhle luchazwa yindawo yobuqu

"Ngaphakathi ubudlelwane obuphilileyo, amaqabane afanele avumelane ixesha lodwa ngaphandle kokugweba.” Wongezelela ngelithi, “Kubalulekile ukuphila ubomi bakho kunye nexesha lewedwa elingaphazanyiswa. Oku kunceda ukuthintela ukulahlekelwa komntu ngamnye, nto leyo enokonakalisa ubudlelwane. Isithuba sikwakunika ixesha lokucinga ngeemvakalelo zakho. Inokuchaza ulwalamano oluhle ekuhambeni kwexesha.”

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5. Unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo

Research ithi, “Ukuvuleleka kulwalamano, okuqondwa njengokukwazi ukutyhila iimvakalelo, iingcinga, iimfuno noloyiko lukabani, kunxulunyaniswa nokwaneliseka okuphakamileyo kulwalamano, yaye ukungabikho kwako kukhokelela kwiingxabano nokuwohloka kolwalamano.

Ukunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo ngokwenene lolona phawu lubalulekileyo lolwalamano oluhle. Ikuvumela ukuba ungabelani ngamava akho eemvakalelo kuphela kodwa uveze nezidingo zakho ngendlela esempilweni. Inceda ukukhangela amaxesha anzima kubudlelwane bakho kwaye ibalulekile xa ufuna qhagamshela neqabane lakho kwinqanaba elinzulu. UShazia uthi: “Phakathi kwezinto ezenza ulwalamano lube lukhulu, eyona nto iphambili kukunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo, kuxhomekeke kubuchule bokuncokola nokuxubusha nantoni na omnye komnye phantsi kwelanga, yaye ewe, ngaphandle kokoyika ukugwetywa.”

6. Ukuziva unqabisekile

Khawuziphe ithuba lokucingisisa ngolwalamano lwakho uze uzibuze, “Ngaba ulwalamano lwam lukhuselekile yaye ukuba akunjalo, ndingenza njani ukoyisa ukuziva ungakhuselekanga kubudlelwane?” Ukungakhuseleki kudla ngokufumana indlela yako xa kukho ukungahoywa okanye xa siqala ukuthatha iqabane lethu njengento encinci Ngamanye amaxesha, kunokusuka kwiqabane elithwele iintlungu ezidlulileyo kunye nokulwa neemvakalelo zabo zokungakhuseleki.

Kwiimeko ezinjalo, ingcebiso inokwenza umahluko omkhulu ekuhlukaneni nalo mzekelo. Ukufuna isikhokelo somntu oqeqeshelwe impilo yengqondo, ukuqonda kunye nokuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho, kunye nokuziqhelanisa nokuziphatha okunempilo kubalulekile ekudaleni indawo ekhuselekileyo nenesondlo, engenazo iingxabano kunye neengxabano kubundlobongela basekhaya kunye nobudlelwane obuyityhefu. Ukuba ukhangela uncedo lobuchwephesha, iphaneli yeBonobology yeetheraphi ezinelayisenisi kuphela a cofa kude. 

7. Uqhagamshelwano ngokweemvakalelo

Uxhulumaniso lweemvakalelo yinto eyenza ubudlelwane obuhle buhlale. Ikuvumela ukuba ujongane neengxabano zemozulu, iintlekele, kunye nemonotony yobomi bemihla ngemihla. U-Shazia ubiza oku unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo "Ubudlelwane obubaluleke kakhulu kubudlelwane obukhulu kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo phakathi kwamaqabane amabini". Wongezelela ngelithi, “Kubalulekile ukuba amaqabane amabini anyamekele iimfuno ezingokweemvakalelo zomnye nomnye ukuze agcine eli qhina lomelele.

Nangona kunjalo, zama ukuqaphela umgca ococekileyo phakathi koqhagamshelwano kunye nokunamathela kakhulu. Ngelixa unxibelelwano oluluqilima ngokweemvakalelo lubalulekile, ukuxhomekeka ngokugqithisileyo kwiqabane lakho ukuzalisekisa zonke iimfuno zakho zeemvakalelo kunokuba yityhefu. Kububulumko ukulumka kwaye ufune abahlobo okanye inkxaso yobuchwephesha ukuba uzifumana uphuhlisa iipateni zokuncamathela ezingafanelekanga nezingakhuselekanga. 

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8. Ukuzithemba kunokwenza ubudlelwane bube ngcono

UShazia ucacisa esithi: “Ukuba ngqongqo kuthetha ukuba nenkalipho yokulandula xa kuyimfuneko, kukwala ukwenza into engavisisaniyo nemilinganiselo okanye ukhetho lwakho.” Kuyinyani ukuba ukuvula nokungqale malunga nezinto ozifunayo, iimfuno, kunye neminqweno sisiseko sonxibelelwano olusebenzayo phakathi kwamaqabane kubudlelwane obuhle. Akulunganga ukulindela ukuba iqabane lakho likwazi ngomlingo ukuba yintoni na esengqondweni yakho. Endaweni yoko, iyasebenza kakhulu (kwaye ilula!) ukubuza nje into oyifunayo. 

Nangona kunjalo, ukunyaniseka kunye neqabane lakho kunokuba lucelomngeni. Ekuqaleni izigaba zobudlelwane, sihlala sifuna ukukholisa iqabane lethu ukuqinisa uxhulumaniso. Emva kwexesha, sinokuwela kwiipateni ezindala okanye siphephe ukuzithethelela ngenxa yokoyika ukulimaza iqabane lethu. Kodwa ungoyiki, ungadala ubudlelwane obungcono ngokuqala ngezi ndlela zilula zokuziqinisekisa:

• Yiba nencoko evulekileyo malunga nokwahlula imisebenzi yasekhaya ngokufanelekileyo kwaye ufumane inkqubo esebenza kuni nobabini
• Cebisa ngeminye imibono yomhla yokuchitha ixesha kunye okanye uvakalise umnqweno wakho wokuzama indawo yokutyela entsha
• Qalisa incoko kunye neqabane lakho ngobunono ngexesha longquzulwano lobudlelwane
• Ukuba ufuna ixesha uwedwa emva kosuku olude, vakalisa imfuno yakho yendawo ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala

9. Ukuthatha inyathelo kuqala kuyaluphucula ubudlelwane

Ukuqhubela phambili kubudlelwane obuphilileyo kuthetha ukuthatha uxanduva olupheleleyo ngezenzo zakho kunye neemfuno. U-Shazia uyacacisa, “Ukukhuthala kuthetha ukungasoloko uxhomekeke omnye komnye kuyo yonke into encinci. ixesha elibalulekile kunye, bezama izinto ezintsha njengoko abantu betshintsha ngokuhamba kwexesha, kwaye bexabisa amaxesha amnandi kunye nabathandekayo. Kubalulekile ukuba uthathe inyathelo lokuqala kwaye ubeke phambili oko kufunwa yibhondi yakho. Ezi mpawu zenza ulwalamano oluhle.”

Kodwa nasi isitshixo: ukuqhubela phambili asikho malunga nezenzo kuphela, sisimo sengqondo. Amaqabane asebenzayo enza imizamo enenkathalo kwaye athathe amanyathelo abambekayo okudala ubudlelwane obungcono. Banenkxalabo engapheliyo kwimpilo yobudlelwane kwaye bahlala bekulungele ukuthatha amanyathelo malunga nophuhliso. Ke, masilamkele icala lethu elisebenzayo, kwaye ngenzondelelo sibe negalelo ekukhuleni nakulonwabo lobudlelwane bethu.

10. Ekugqibeleni, uthando

Isizathu sikaShazia sokubeka uthando ekupheleni sicacile: “Uthando lulodwa alwanelanga ukuxhasa a ubudlelwane bexesha elide. Uthando yimvakalelo ehlala iguquka efuna inkxaso yazo zonke ezinye iimpawu ezikhankanywe ekuqaleni kolu luhlu ukuze udale ulwalamano olomeleleyo.” Noko ke, uthando luhlala lusembindini wento eyenza ulwalamano luphawuleke ngokwenene ngaphandle kothando, ukufuna kwethu ukuqonda oko kwenza ulwalamano oluhle lube lilize. 

Ngoko ke, khawuzibuze: “Ngaba ngokwenene ndiyamthanda umntu endikunye naye? Ukuba impendulo yakho ngu-ewe, ke luthando olu, luhleli kwinombolo ye-10, oluya kukukhuthaza ukuba usebenze kuyo yonke into ukusuka kwinombolo 1 ukuya kwinombolo ye-9. 

Ke, yintoni le yenza ubudlelwane obuhle buhlale ixesha elide, kwaye kuninzi kakhulu ukuphononongwa. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba besinokuphelisa umongo wazo zonke iingxoxo ezijikeleze uthando, bekuya kuba koku: Uthando kunye nobudlelwane zifuna umgudu oqhubekayo wokuzalisekisa ngokwenene. Bafuna ukuzibophelela kwakho kunye nokuzimisela kwakho ukubeka umsebenzi oyimfuneko ukuze ufumane ulonwabo kunye nolonwabo olufaneleyo. Ke, themba intuition yakho kwaye uvumele ubulumko bakho bukukhokele kwizenzo zothando kunye nothando. 

Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngoJulayi 2023.

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