Ngaba wakha wazibuza ukuba kunjani ukuyeka ukukhula? Ukuyeka ukwenza imitsi – ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwasengqondweni, ngokweemvakalelo nangokomoya? Ukufikelela kwindawo yokuma? UMorihei Ueshiba, umfundisi-ntsapho waseJapan wobugcisa bokulwa, ngandlel’ ithile wathetha ngamandla esithi: “Ubomi buyakhula.
Nangona ubudlelwane obanelisayo bunokubonakala ngathi, ukuba omabini amaqabane akakhuli kubudlelwane, kungekudala unokuziva ngathi yindlwana apho aziva ekruqukile kwaye efuthaniselwe. Amaqabane kufuneka akhule bobabini ngabanye (ukukhula komntu) kwaye njengesibini (ukukhula kunye kubudlelwane) kwiimvakalelo zabo kunye nobudlelwane buqhubeke bukhula.
Sikunika iingcebiso malunga nendlela onokukhula ngayo kubudlelwane kunye neengcebiso ezivela Ririi Trivedi, Ingcali eqinisekisiweyo ye-regression therapist kunye ne-clinical hypnotherapist. Ngaphambi koko, makhe sihlolisise indlela uthando ngokwalo oluqhubeka lukhula ngayo kubudlelwane.
Indlela Uthando Olukhula Ngayo kubudlelwane
Isiqulatho
Ungabuza ukuba uthando lukhula njani kubudlelwane? Uthando lukhula kubudlelwane kanye njengokuba isityalo sikhula. Isityalo sidinga ingqalelo kunye nenkathalo, ukufudumala, indawo yokukhula kwaye kufuneka ikhuselwe kwizoyikiso. Ubudlelwane bukwafuna ukuhoywa kunye nokhathalelo, ukufudumala kunye nendawo ukuze lukhule kwaye kufuneka lukhuselwe kwizoyikiso ezifana nokubanda, imiba yokuthembana, ukungakhuseleki, ukungazinzi kunye nokungahoywa.
Umbhali waseMerika uRichard Wright ukubeke ngamafutshane oku: “Uthando lukhula lusuka kulwalamano oluzinzileyo, amava okwabelana, ukunyaniseka, ukuzinikela, ukuthembana.” Ukuba ubuza umbuzo-ukwenza njani uthando lukhule kubudlelwane, fumana iimpendulo ezingaphezulu ngezantsi:
1. Nxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo
Ukubaluleka konxibelelwano oluvulekileyo nolusebenzayo alunakuqikelelwa. Ngempilo yalo naluphi na ubudlelwane, ukusebenza ngokuqhubekayo phucula u nxi yeyona mfuno iphambili. Unxibelelwano lukuvumela ukuba wenze unxibelelwano oluyinyani kunye neqabane lakho. Ngaphandle kolu nxibelelwano, lukhula njani uthando kubudlelwane?
2. Yenza inqaku lokudibanisa
Nangona usuku lwakho luxakeke kangakanani, zinike imizuzu emihlanu ukuya kwelishumi yexesha elibini ukuze wabelane ngamava akho osuku kunye nebhondi. Kwaye, ngelo xesha phulaphula ngovelwano kwiqabane lakho. Kubalulekile ukudibanisa rhoqo kwinqanaba leemvakalelo kunye nengqondo.
3. Fumana umzimba
Ngelixa isondo sinendima ebalulekileyo ekufuneka siyidlale ekukhuleni kothando, kunjalo nangezinye imiboniso yenyama yothando. Ukuwola kunye nokuwola kukhulula ihomoni ebizwa ngokuba yioxytocin eyenza iimvakalelo zothando. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba lwenziwa njani uthando lukhule kubudlelwane, ukubeka phambili ukusondelana ngokomzimba kunye nokunyusa amandla okuchukumisa kunokuba ziindawo ezilungileyo zokuqala.
4. Yomelela kwaye uzimisele
Ukuzinikela kwiqabane lakho kunye nobudlelwane ngokuzenzekelayo kuzisa ukuthembana kunye nothando. Oku kuya kwenza kwakhona a Ubudlelwane buyomelela.
5. Bonisa uthando ngokukhululekileyo kwaye rhoqo
Bonisa uxabiso lwakho ngeqabane lakho kwaye ulixelele zonke izizathu zokuba kutheni ulixabisa kwaye ulithande kwaye wenze oku rhoqo. Akukho nto ingcono yokwenza uthando lwakho lukhule.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezili-9 zokuthozama kubudlelwane
6. Qokelela iinkumbulo
Ukujonga iifoto ezindala kunye nokuxoxa ngeziganeko ezimnandi kwixesha elidlulileyo lomeleza ubudlelwane kwaye kunceda uthando lukhule. Yenza inqaku lokuthatha olu hambo lwamathuba ezantsi kwindlela yenkumbulo ukuze uzikhumbuze ngento enidibanise kunye kwaye ujonge nokuba umgama omde kangakanani na.
7. Cela uxolo xa uphosisile
Ungaze uvumele ikratshi likuyekise ukucela uxolo. Xa uvakalelwa kukuba umonile iqabane lakho ngamazwi okanye izenzo zakho, musa ukuthandabuza ukucela uxolo.
Iingcebiso ezili-9 zeeNgcali zokuKhula kubudlelwane yonke imihla
Xa amaqabane kubudlelwane bezabalazela ukukhula endaweni yokwanelisa nje, baguqukela ekubeni ngabantu abangcono kwaye ubudlelwane buyanelisa ngakumbi. Hayi nje ukubukela kodwa ukwenza iqabane lakho likhule kunokuba luhambo olwanelisayo kakhulu. Nokuba nikhula ngabanye okanye nikunye kubudlelwane, oko kunokwenza ubudlelwane bomelele.
UBob Proctor, isazi sefilosofi saseCanada kunye nombhali, uye wacacisa umahluko phakathi kokutshintsha nokukhula. Uthi, "Utshintsho alunakuphepheka kodwa ukukhula komntu kukhetho." Ukwakha kuloo ngcinga, sizisa iindlela ezisithoba onokukhula kubudlelwane:
1. Zisebenzele
URirii uthi: “Eyona nto ifunekayo ukuze umntu akhule eluthandweni kukukhulisa ukuzazi ukuba ubani uza kwenza ntoni kulwalamano lwakhe. umthwalo weemvakalelo ukusuka kwixesha elidlulileyo elisenza sicinge kwaye siziphathe ngeendlela ezithile. Ukuba siqaphela ezi patheni kunye nomsebenzi - mhlawumbi ngoncedo lweqabane lethu okanye i-therapist - ukutshintsha ezi zibe ngcono, ngoko sinokukhula kubudlelwane. Kubalulekile ukuzazi nokuziqonda kuqala ngaphambi kokuba uzame ukuqonda iqabane lethu.”
2. Nikane inkululeko
Iqabane lakho kufuneka lizive likhululekile ukuba lilandele iimfuno zalo kunye nobuhlobo. Ukuba akunjalo, kuya kubakho ukuziva udiniwe kubudlelwane. Ukukhula kubudlelwane konke malunga neqabane ngalinye ligcina iqondo lokuzimela kunye nokuxhomekeka okuza nobudlelwane bothando. Kubalulekile ukufumana ulonwabo kubudlelwane nangaphandle kwayo.
URirii uyachaza: “Nika iqabane lakho ithuba lokukhulisa ubuhlobo uze ufune eso sithuba kwakhona.Zimisele imida yobuqu eqinileyo ukuze ufumane indawo oyifunayo.Ngaphandle kwayo, ukukhula komntu ngamnye kuya kuthinteleka.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izizathu ezi-5 zokuba kutheni i-Space kubudlelwane ayilulo uphawu olubi
3. Zama into entsha
Phuma kwindawo yakho yokuthuthuzela kwaye ulinge ngento entsha kunye. Le yindlela elula yokukhula kubudlelwane. Usenokuthatha izinto ozonwabisa ngazo iqabane lakho elinomdla kuzo - ungaphelela nje ukonwabela kwaye ufumane elinye iqonga lokwabelana neqabane lakho. Ukuhamba kunye, ukufunda isixhobo somculo okanye ukuthatha iklasi yobugcisa - ezi ziindlela onokuvuselela ngazo ubudlelwane bakho.
Usenokuba ukhe wazibuza ngoku kwaye emva koko xa uziva udiniwe kwaye unomsindo: Ngaba umtsalane womzimba unokukhula kubudlelwane? Ewe, nantsi impendulo. Njengoko niphonononga izinto ezintsha eninomdla kuzo kunye, unokuziva utsalelekile kwiqabane lakho ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, kubandakanya ukuziva umtsalane wesondo ngokutsha omnye komnye. Leyo ngundoqo ekuvuseleleni intlantsi kubudlelwane bexesha elide.
4. Yamkelanani
Ukwamkelana kuthetha ukuba niziva nikhululekile omnye nomnye. Akukho mfuneko yokubeka i-facades okanye ukhuselo. Iqabane elixhasayo liya kukhuthaza iimpawu zakho ezilungileyo - nokuba yinto ehlekisayo okanye italente yomculo. Kwakhona, musa ukulindela ukuba iqabane lakho lizalisekise zonke iimfuno zakho. Kunye nokwamkelana kuza ukonwabela iiyantlukwano. Le yimfihlelo yokukhula kunye kubudlelwane.
URirii uthi: “Kungokwemvelo ukwahluka kwiqabane lakho—ngeempawu, imvelaphi, izinto onomdla kuzo nangezimvo zakho. Wongeza ukuba ukuba ungena kubudlelwane kunye ne-ajenda yokutshintsha iqabane lakho, kunokuba yingozi.
5. Yibani ngumhlobo osenyongweni omnye komnye
Ngaphezu kokuba nomtsalane ngokwasemzimbeni okanye kwizinto eziqhelekileyo, bubuhlobo obuyeyona nto ibalulekileyo kulwalamano olonwabisayo. Ukuba ningabahlobo abakhulu. uya kulifunela okona kulungileyo iqabane lakho. Uya kuziva wonwabile xa bonwabile kwaye uvuyiswe yimpumelelo yabo. Oku kuya kubakhuthaza ukuba bakhule kubudlelwane kwaye babuyisele iimvakalelo zakho.
6. Funda kwiqabane lakho
Ukuthatha iimpawu ezintle kunye nemikhwa ukuba iqabane lakho linayo yindlela enkulu yokuba ukhule ngokwakho. Isenokuba kukuphila impilo esempilweni, ukuba nobulumko ngakumbi ngokwemali okanye ukufunda ukulawula umsindo wakho. Ngapha koko, ukuba iqabane lakho alikuthandi ukuba uphose umsindo usenokuwunqanda umkhwa, nto leyo eya kuba linyathelo elikhulu ekukhuleni kwakho.
7. Zilinganiselani iimfuno zomnye
Ukunikezela kakhulu kwaye wenze imibingelelo eshiya ungonwabi kuya kukuthintela ukukhula kunye kubudlelwane. Kubudlelwane bexesha elide, kufuneka ujonge iimfuno zakho kunye nezeqabane lakho. Zikhulise kwaye uzibandakanye kwimisebenzi yokuzikhathalela. Xa elinye iqabane lizama ngamandla ukukholisa elinye, ubuhlobo bungaphela.
Ukuziqhelanisa nokuzithanda Kuyimfuneko ekwakheni ubudlelwane obukhulisayo obuvumela amaqabane omabini ukuba akhule. URirii uthi: “Akukho mfuneko yokuhlangula omnye umntu, okanye qhubeka uzincama.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Umyeni wam ondixhasayo wandinceda ukuba ndifezekise amaphupha am
8. Yenzani omnye nomnye azive ekhuselekile
Ukukhula njengomntu, umntu kufuneka azive ekhuselekile kubudlelwane obubalulekileyo. Ukusuka kolu khuseleko kunye nenkxaso evela kwiqabane liza amandla angaphakathi okuphumelela impumelelo kunye nokuvela njengomntu. Ukukhula kunye kulwalamano kufuna ukuba nibe nonqabiseko lokuba niya kuba kunye phezu kwazo nje iiyantlukwano neengxaki.
Enyanisweni, ukuba ufuna ukukhulisa ubuhlobo kunye nentombi yakho okanye isoka, ukufumana ingqalelo yakhe ngokwenza umona ayiyondlela. Ukumenza azive ethandwa kwaye ekhuselekile yimfihlelo. Thembela kwiqabane lakho.
Xa usenza isicwangciso esitsha sokukhula kwakho - umzekelo, ukuyeka umsebenzi wakho kwaye uzenzele ishishini lakho - kufuneka uthembele kwinkxaso yezemali, ebonakalayo kunye neyovakalelo enokubonelela ngeqabane lakho. Awukho kule nto wedwa. Ukuyivuma loo nto kunokukukhuthaza ukuba wenze izigqibo eziya kukunceda ukhule.
9. Zibekele usukelo olufanayo
URirii uthi: “Kubaluleke gqitha ukuzibekela usukelo olufanayo, kusenokuba kukugcina imali yendlu okanye inqwelo-mafutha okanye kukuceba ukuba nomntwana. Nanini na ninosukelo olufanayo, nifanele nisebenze njengeqela ukuze nilufikelele olo sukelo. Ngamanye amazwi, ukusombulula iingxaki kunye ukufezekisa iinjongo ezifanayo kuya kunceda iqhina lesibini kwaye baqale ukukhula kunye kubudlelwane.
“Ndifuna sikhule kunye,” uNahomi uxelele iqabane lakhe uHubert. “Ngelixa silandela imisebenzi yethu kunye nezinto esizithandayo, andifuni sisahlukane, ndifuna ukuthetha ngendlela esinokukhula ngayo kodwa sihlale sisondelelene.” Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, esi sibini sawuxubusha lo mbandela saza seza neendlela zaso zokumanyana ngcono ngoxa nganye idubula yaye ikhula.
Oku kubonisa indlela xa ukhula kubudlelwane, kufuneka uqinisekise ukuba awukhuli ngaphandle kweqabane lakho. Kubalulekile ukugcina unxibelelwano luqhubeka ukuba ufuna ukuhlala kunye kwaye womeleze ubudlelwane.
11 Iimpawu zobudlelwane ekufuneka ubenazo ukuze ube nobomi obonwabisayo
Ukuziva ungahoywanga kubudlelwane? Isazi ngengqondo Sabelana ngeendlela zokuZikhathalela
Ukunqongophala koMsa kunye nokusondelana kubudlelwane-iindlela ezili-9 ezikuchaphazelayo
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
