Ukuba ngumyeni oxhasayo akuthethi nje ukungamthinteli umfazi wakho xa ephumla okanye umvumele apheke isiTaliyane ngobo busuku uburhalela iihambhega. Ngelixa oko ngokuqinisekileyo kuyinkxaso kunye nokwamkela ngendlela yayo, ukuba liqabane elixhasayo ngenene kuya kude kunoko.
Sihlala sithetha ngesondo esilungileyo, unxibelelwano, ukuzinikela kunye nokunyaniseka kwezinye zeentsika ezisisiseko zobudlelwane. Kodwa ngaba kuphelele apho? Yalahleka phi “iNkxaso” kuyo yonke le nto? Ngaphandle kwenkxaso, iqabane lisenokuziva lidimazekile kwaye lingasebenzi. Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukuba uqinisekise ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buyindawo enempilo apho bobabini abantu baziva beqondwa, beviwe, kwaye okona kubaluleke kakhulu, bexhaswa ngomnye.
Ukukhanyisa ngakumbi okufanayo, sikulethela i-akhawunti enyanisekileyo yowesifazane kunye nendlela umyeni wakhe oxhasayo waba ngumhlobo wakhe osenyongweni owamnceda ukuba aphumelele kuyo yonke imingeni yakhe. Ukuba ubusoloko uzibuza indlela yokuxhasa ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane, funda kwangaphambili kwaye ufumanise.
Xa Umyeni Wam Wakha Wamathidala Waba Ngoyena Mxhasi Wam Omkhulu
Isiqulatho
Njengoko kuxelelwe kwiBonobology ngu Pratibha Agarwal, eli bali lomyeni onenkxaso lisibonisa ukuba ngaphandle kwenkxaso, umtshato awunakuze ufikelele kumandla awo ngokupheleleyo. Makhe sijonge indlela iqabane lakhe elaphela ngayo limnika isibindi kunye nenkuthazo awayeyidinga ukuze aphumeze amaphupha akhe.
Andizange ndibe nalo naluphi na uhlobo lokuzimela
Ubomi bam babusoloko buvakala bubhalwe. Ndazalelwa ndaza ndakhulela kwidolophu encinane enentsapho enothando, ndakhuselwa, ndakhuselwa ndaza ndathotyelwa. Emva kokugqiba imfundo yam, ndatshata ndaza ndafudukela kwisixeko esikhulu ukuze ndiqale ngokutsha, ndinethemba elitsha lokupha nokufumana uthando, kunye namaphupha okubhala inxalenye yebali lam lobomi.
Bendisoloko ndingumntu wabantu kwaye ndiziva ngamandla ukuba lubizo lwam ukuba ndibe semfundweni. Umnqweno wam wokusebenza wawungekho kwimvukelo kodwa ukuphuma kwindawo yam yokuthuthuzela, zama into entsha kwaye wenze into ngexesha lam. Akukho mfazi kusapho lwam okanye kusapho lomyeni wam wayesebenza okanye owakhe wasebenza ngaphambili. Kodwa ndandinorhawuzelo lokwenza enye into. Andizange ndibe nalo naluphi na uhlobo lokuzimela okanye nkqu iinkululeko zemali ngaphambili, kodwa bendiyidinga ngoku.
Ekuqaleni, ndandingaziva ngathi ndinomyeni ondixhasayo. Ndandisoloko ndifuna ukusebenza ndize ndibuyisele okuthile eluntwini, kodwa ndandingavunyelwa, nto leyo eyayindityumza.
Ekuqaleni, wayengeloqabane elixhasayo
Kunzima ukuphuma kubumba umntu ukhule ethanda. Umyeni wam wayenentsebenziswano ekuqaleni, kodwa wayengakuqhelanga ukubona abafazi besebenza. Xa inqununu yayifuna ukundinika iimbopheleleko ezingakumbi, oko kwaluphazamisa ulwalamano lwethu. Ndaye ndakhulelwa ke ngoko iminqweno yam yaya kwi-back burner.
Bekufanele ndi khetha phakathi komntwana kunye nomsebenzi, ndaza ndakhetha ukuba nabantwana. Ungandivi kakubi, yayingelodini. Oonyana bam ababini babubomi bam kwaye akukho nto yimbi ibalulekileyo. Usapho lwam yayilihlabathi lam. Kodwa kanye njengecosmos yethu enkulu, nale nayo yayifuna ukwandiswa.
Emva kweminyaka ephantse ibe yi-20 ezukileyo yomtshato nabantwana ababini abasele bekhulile, ndazifumana ndifuna okungakumbi kum nakubomi. Okukhona ndicinga ngako, kokukhona lalikhula ilizwi kum. Njengoko abantwana bam babekhula kwaye izinto zangaphambili zasekhaya ziye zalawuleka ngakumbi, ukuba ngumama wekhaya ngoku akuzange kufune umsebenzi omninzi njengangaphambili kwaye ke ndacinga ukuba mhlawumbi ixesha lam lifikile ukuba ndoyise amaphupha am.
Ngoku ndandifuna ukufumana injongo engakumbi ebomini bam. Nanjengoko bendisoloko ndingumntu wokubuyisela eluntwini, bendingenokwazi ukuhlala nje ekhaya ndivumele iintsuku zam zimoshe. Ngoku kwafuneka ndikhethe phakathi kokuba ngumama osisigxina okanye umsebenzi onzima. Ukuxhasa iqabane lakho bekusoloko kuyeyona nto iphambili emtshatweni kum, kodwa bendingaqinisekanga kakhulu ukuba iqabane lam elingelinye elixhasayo liya kundikhuthaza ngentliziyo yam yonke ukuba ndenze umsebenzi.
Indlela endayifumana ngayo injongo entsha ebomini
Ekuqaleni, i-yoga yayiyindlela yokujongana nezi mvakalelo endandinazo zokuzama ukufumana injongo enzulu. Ukuzama ukuziqonda, ndinike into yokwenza njengoko indlwane yam yayikhula ingenanto kwaye iintsuku zazibonakala zinde. Kungekudala yakhula kum. Ngokungazi, ndandifumene umnxeba omtsha.
Ndasuka ekuthatheni iiklasi zeyoga ndazifundisa ngokwam. Sele kuyiminyaka emithandathu ngoku yaye ngandlel’ ithile kubonakala ngathi bubomi bonke. Akunjalo ngenxa yokuba ixesha libonakala liyindinisa, kodwa ngenxa yokuba inguqu iye yahamba kakuhle. Kwaye mnye kuphela umntu endinokumbulela ngako oko, oye waphakama wema ecaleni ngelixa ndandisenza ucweyo kunye neeklasi - iqabane lam elindixhasayo. Ukuba nabani na ufuna ukufunda nokuqonda, "Indlela yokuxhasa iqabane lakho?", Umntu kufuneka ayenze kuye.
Ukusukela i-yoga kwiminyaka yam yayikukufumanisa okumnandi, kodwa kwakhona kuzele luloyiko. Ndandinemibuzo emininzi yokuba ndingahlangabezana njani nale nto nokuba ngumama. Kodwa xa inkxaso kubudlelwane ikhona, akukho nto ingako awukwazi ukuyenza. Siphucule wethu unxibelelwano kubudlelwane bethu baza abanye balandela.
Ndayithanda i-yoga. Ndandisoloko ndingumntu othanda ukufundisa yaye imvo yokuphumelela eyayindinika kwakunzima ukuyifumana kwenye indawo. Ndagqiba ekubeni ndiqhubeke nohambo lwam, kodwa iingxaki ezingenakuphepheka zaphoswa nendlela yam.
Indlela umyeni wam ondixhasayo abenze lula ngayo ubomi bam
Utshintsho aluzange lube lula, nangona inkxaso yakhe yenza kwabonakala kunjalo. Ndikhumbula xa ndandiseGoa kwisifundo esibalulekileyo ndaza ndaqalisa ukukhumbula ekhaya. Unyana wam omncinane wagula. Ndagqiba kwelokuba ndonele ndifuna ukubuya. Kodwa umyeni wam wandikhuthaza ukuba ndiqhubeke. “Xa uchithe ixesha lakho elininzi kunye nomgudu wakho kule nto, ungayishiyi ngoku,” watsho, “Hlala womelele, ndiza kuhoya umzi nabantwana, ukhumbule ukuba ndisoloko ndikho ngenxa yakho.”
Ukwazi ukuba kukho umntu owayenenkxaso eqinileyo kunye nokholo kubuchule bam kwandityhala ukuba ndiqhubeke kwaye ndingagqibi nje ikhosi, kodwa ndithathe i-yoga njengomsebenzi. Ngaphandle kwenkxaso engagungqiyo yomyeni wam, ngendingazange ndikwazi ukuyilawula le nguquko yaphakathi kubomi obulula nangokuzithemba. Le yayiyilaa ndoda yayikade inexhala lokuba ndisebenza! Wafunda ngokwenene indlela yokuba ngumyeni ongcono wandinika ngaphezu koko bendikucelile.
Ndothuka ndaza ndanombulelo kakhulu ngokuba nomyeni ondixhasa ngolo hlobo. Ekuqaleni, ngenxa yendlela awayekhuliswe ngayo, wayengakuqhelanga ukubona abafazi besebenza. Wakwazi ukuziphelisa zonke ezo ngcinga zihlehlayo waza wandinika inkxaso endandiyifuna. Saqonda ukuba inkxaso yenye yeentsika ezisisiseko zomtshato olungileyo.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iindlela ezili-9 zokujongana noMyeni ongenankxaso
Yayilutshintsho olucothayo
Bendisoloko ndizibuza ukuba yintoni emenze waqonda umnqweno wam wokuba nobomi obungaphaya kosapho. Ukuqonda ukuba ukufumana umsebenzi akuyi kuthetha ukuncama ixesha lentsapho. Ibe luhambo olude lolwamkelo kunye nokholo, kuthi sobabini. Ndandinokholo kuye yaye ndandisihlonela isimo sakhe sengqondo xa efuna ndibe sekhaya. Andizange ndiwutsale umsonto ngamandla kangangokuba wagqabhuka. Endaweni yoko, ndamnika indawo eyaneleyo yokwazi ukuba ndiyayamkela indlela yakhe yokucinga, kuba ekugqibeleni, siliqela.
Utshintsho lusenokubonakala lukhawuleza, kodwa lwalucotha kwaye aluguquguquki. Ndithe ndisamyeka wenjenjalo. Wabona ukuba ndiyakwazi lawula zombini umsebenzi kunye nosapho. Yaye ukuba ndiyasilela, unokundibuyekeza. Sobabini sinokukhula njengabantu ngabanye kuphela xa sikhula njengesibini yaye ngolunye uhlobo.
Ungalixhasa njani iqabane lakho?
Kwabo bakwimeko efana neyethu, ekuphela kwento endinokukuxelela yona kukukholelwa kuwe nakubudlelwane bakho. Musani ukugangatha omnye komnye. Khulisa iimpawu anazo iqabane lakho. Phucula ngqu zulwano kwaye usoloko ujonge inkxaso. Umtshato ngumthi esiwunkcenkceshela yonke imihla kangangeminyaka, xa ngenye imini entle, udubula ngequbuliso
Xa indoda ixhasa umfazi wayo, loo nto ibenza bobabini bazive benamandla yaye bezithembile kulwalamano nakubo. Kuwo onke amadoda, ukuxhasa umfazi wakho akuyi kulwenza lube bhetele ulwalamano kuphela kodwa kuya kuba namava emvisiswano ngakumbi.
Umyeni wam namhlanje ulilitye lam kunye nesizathu sokuba ndihambe ekhaya, ndijikeleze umhlaba ndilandela ukuthanda kwam, kuba uyayiqonda into yokuba umsebenzi kunye nekhaya azihlukani, kodwa kukudityaniswa kwamandla am, njengomtshato wethu.
Sisebenza kwizinto kunye, ngokuhambelana. Ndibhala ikamva lam ngamazwi am othando, ukuthemba, ukwabelana, inkxaso kunye nokholo. Izahluko ezimbalwa zaqalisa kade kuba ezinye zazifuna ixesha elingakumbi. Ibali lam alisabhalwanga kuba ayilolam qha. Yethu.
Iindlela ezi-5 zokuba ngumyeni oxhasayo
Emva kwelo bali lihle lendlela esi sibini saphinda safumanisa ngayo kwaye salungisa ubudlelwane baso, asinakuzibamba kodwa sabelane nawe ngeesenti zethu ezimbini malunga nokuba liqabane elixhasayo kwiqabane lakho. Kulula ukudlala umdlalo wetyala, ukulawula kunye nomona kubudlelwane okanye ube ne yindlela yam okanye uhola wendlela sengqondo.
Kodwa ukungazihoyi zonke ezo mpawu zimbi kwaye ubone iqabane lakho lilonke, uzama ukubamkela ngokuba bangoobani kwaye ubathande ngokufanayo, yinto enzima kakhulu kodwa elunge kakhulu ukuyenza. Uthando luya kuncipha ngaphandle kwenkxaso, ekupheleni kosuku. Ke ukuba ufuna ngokwenene ukwenza olu budlelwane buhlale, mthande umfazi wakho kwaye uzimisele ngokonwaba naye, ke ezi ndlela zi-5 zokuxhasa iqabane lakho zezakho.
1. Mamela ngokupheleleyo phambi kokuba unike uluvo lwakho
Ukuba liqabane elixhasayo akukho malunga nokuvumela umfazi wakho ukuba ahambe nantoni na afuna ukuyenza kwaye umvumele ukuba ahambe kuzo zonke iimbono kunye neengcamango zakho. Nina nobabini niyalingana kobu budlelwane kwaye yindlela izinto ekumele zihambe ngayo. Iingcamango zakho kunye neengcinga zisebenza kanye njengezakhe kwaye ukuba liqabane elixhasayo, akuyitshintshi loo nto. Yonke into iyatshintsha kukuba nangona kunjalo, wenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuba ube nokuqonda ngakumbi ngaye.
Xa esabelana nawe ngento, qiniseka ukuba awuyichithi kwangoko. Mphulaphule, uze umphulaphule ngenyameko. Qonda ukuba kutheni ecinga oku, kutheni efuna izinto ngendlela ethile kwaye zibaluleke kangakanani kuye. Ukuphuhlisa izakhono zokuphulaphula kunzima kodwa kubalulekile ukugcina lonke ubudlelwane bexesha elide.
2. Unokuba ngumyeni oxhasayo njani? Kholelwa kwiqabane lakho
Ngaphandle kokholo nokuthembana, awuyi kuya ndawo emtshatweni wakho. Xa sikuxelela ukuba ukholo sisiseko salo naluphi na ulwalamano, sithetha ngokwenene. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukuba ngumyeni oxhasayo kuthetha nje ukuxelela iqabane lakho ukuba uyakholelwa kubo kwaye uya kuma ngakulo kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwenzekani. Ngokufanayo noko sikufunde kweli bali lingasentla, amazwi anjalo ayathuthuzela aze amqinisekise omnye umntu.
Xa beva olu hlobo lothando nobubele buphuma kuwe, ngokungathandabuzekiyo baya kuziva bexatyiswa yaye beqondwa nguwe. Oku kuya kubenza babe nokholo kuwe.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezili-13 zokuba uneqabane elithembekileyo nelinyanisekileyo
3. Zama ukufumaneka ngokweemvakalelo kubo
Ukubagxotha ngalo lonke ixesha befuna ukuxoxa ngento ekhathazayo okanye ukuphuma ngexesha lokulwa ayiyompendulo yokuba, “Ulixhasa njani iqabane lakho?” Ukuxhasa iqabane lakho kumalunga nokuhlala kunye nalo, kwaye uhlale kuyo yonke into nokuba izinto zingakuhambela kakuhle kangakanani na. Kwanaxa izinto ziba mbi, zama ukunyaniseka kangangoko unako kubo.
Zivumele ukuba uvule kubo, wabelane ngezinto ezikuxhalabisayo kunye noloyiko lwakho, kwaye ubazise ukuba semngciphekweni kunye nokungakhuseleki kwakho. Kuphela ukuba ubavumela ukuba bakubone kwifomu yakho yokwenene kunye nekrwada, baya kwazi ukuba ukubu budlelwane ngezandla zombini kwaye uzimisele ukwenza lo msebenzi. Ukungayihoyi ingxaki okanye ukunika i unyango cwaka emva kokulwa akuyi kuhlala isebenza.
4. Bakhuthaze ngaphandle kokugweba
Musa ukuthandabuza izakhono zabo ngalo lonke ixesha. Enyanisweni, kufuneka ubakhuthaze kwaye ube kunye nabo nokuba bayathandabuza ngokwabo. Ngaphezu koko, enyanisweni. Njengomyeni oxhasayo, kuya kufuneka ufune ukubona iqabane lakho lileqa amaphupha abo, lifezekise iinjongo zalo, lichumile kwaye lonwabe. Ngaphandle kokubakhuthaza nokubaxhasa, basenokungakwazi ukuyenza loo nto ngentliziyo iphela.
Njengomlingani kobu budlelwane, kubalulekile ukuba wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuba ube khona kubo. Nokuba oko ngamanye amaxesha kuthetha ukungavumelani nabo kodwa ube yeyona ntshatsheli yabo inkulu!
5. Unokubaxhasa njani ngokweemvakalelo? Cela uxolo xa kufuneka
Ukunika inkxaso yeemvakalelo kubudlelwane akukhona nje ukuboleka indlebe okanye isandla sokunceda. Ngamanye amaxesha, imalunga nokuvuma iimpazamo zakho kunye nokuhlonela iqabane lakho ngokwaneleyo ukuba ucele uxolo kulo xa wonile. Ukuba uhlala ugxeka kwaye ubaleka iimpazamo zakho, unjalo ukuba liqabane elizicingelayo kwaye ingeyiyo exhasayo.
Kuya kufuneka uzame ukwenza umzamo wokuqaphela iimpazamo zakho kwaye utshintshe ube ngcono, konke ngenxa yolu budlelwane. Utshintsho kufuneka luze ngokunyanisekileyo ngaphakathi. Awuxhasi nje iqabane lakho, kodwa nobudlelwane bakho ngokunjalo.
Ngokusuka kwingxelo yobuqu yeli bhinqa ngaphambilana, siqinisekile ukuba uyakuqonda ukubaluleka kokuba ngumyeni onenkxaso kulwalamano. Ayinako nje ukukhuthaza uthando, kodwa ukuzisa ukukhula kubudlelwane kwaye ikuvumela ukuba nobabini nixabise ngokwenene kwaye niqonde omnye komnye. Siyathemba ukuba siwuphendule umbuzo othi, “Unokuba ngumyeni oxhasayo njani?” Uxhobe ngazo zonke ezi ngcebiso, ungaphuma ngoku kwaye ube lelona qabane libalaseleyo kuye!
FAQs
Ukuba umyeni wakho akakuxhasi ngokweemvakalelo, kufuneka uphucule unxibelelwano naye, umxelele ubuncinci obulindelekileyo kwaye ube neengxoxo ezinzima kunye naye onokuthi uziphephe. Beka unyawo lwakho phantsi kwaye umazise ukuba ngaphandle kwenkxaso, umtshato wakho awunakuze uphumelele njengoko ubufanele ukuba.
Ulwalamano oluxhasayo aluyi kuphucula kuphela umgangatho womtshato wakho, ekugqibeleni luya kuphucula impilo-ntle yakho kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bakho. Xa unentsika yenkxaso onokuhlala uthembele kuyo, awusoze uzive uwedwa kwimizabalazo yakho nto leyo eya kukwenza uzithembe ngakumbi ekusingatheni iingxaki obukuphosela zona ubomi. Ubudlelwane obunothando, obukhuselekileyo nobanelisayo bunokufumaneka kuphela xa nobabini nixhasana.
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
