Ulikhoboka lee-Apps zokuthandana: Kutheni singayeki ukuSwayipha?

"Likhoboka ukuthandana apps? Akukho ndlela. Ndiswayipha nje okwethutyana,"Unokucinga. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, ezo "swipes zimbalwa" zijika zibe kukuzingela okuthatha iiyure ezimbini, ekugqibeleni uthi, "Kutheni wonke umntu emangalisa kangaka?" 

Kwaye xa ucinga ukuba ugqibile ukunqumla kwi-cesspool ethi "Awuqinisekanga ukuba kutheni ndilapha" bios okanye abafana beme nezilwanyana zasekhaya zomhlobo wabo, ucinga ukuba wenze okulungileyo. Kodwa kwixesha elizayo xa uvula ifowuni yakho, inkumbulo yezihlunu iyangena, kwaye awunakunceda kodwa uvule iBumble/Tinder/Hinge, “kancinane nje”.

Kanye ngolo hlobo, umlutha we-app yokuthandana unokukhwela phezu kwakho. Ugqibele nini ukuya kwindawo yokuhlambela ngaphandle kokuthatha ifowuni yakho ukuze ufumane iqabane lobomi elinokubakho (indlela yothando!)? Kweli nqaku, i-psychotherapist UGqr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ojongene nokucebisa ngobudlelwane kunye neRational Emotive Behavior Therapy, uthetha ngendlela kwaye kutheni sinokuba ngamakhoboka okuthandana kwiisayithi. 

Kutheni siLikhoboka Dating Apps?

Abantu banotyekelo lokukhotyokiswa yiyo nantoni na eyenza inkqubo ibe lula. Xa kukho into eyenza inkqubo yokhetho edinayo ngaphambili ibonakale elubala, banyanzelekile ukuba babe likhoboka layo. 

Ngokophando olwenziwe ngu umdlalo, 15% of singles eMelika bathi baziva likhoboka lenkqubo yokukhangela umhla. Ukusukela ngo-2021, yingxubuwa inabasebenzisi abasebenzayo abangaphezu kwezigidi ezingama-75 kwihlabathi liphela. Xa uthatha ingqalelo izifundo ezisixelela ukuba swayipha-based ukuthandana apps zinxulunyaniswa nokuncipha impilo yengqondo, loo manani abangela ingxaki. 

Mhlawumbi esona sizathu sikhulu sendalo ekhobokisayo kukuba ezi zokusebenza zokuthandana baye balungisa into ebithe cwaka kwaye bekungathethi ngayo, ngakumbi kwilizwe elifana neIndiya. 

Ukuthandana kusenziwa ubukhulu becala ngaphandle kwemvume yabazali. Xa ujikela into engaka ukuba ibe yifomula esekwe kwi-app, ugqitha olo luhlu lulongezelelekileyo lomlindo olunokuthi lukhokelwe indlela yakho lusapho. Ngandlela ithile, liapile lase-Eden epokothweni yakho. Isiqhamo esalelweyo sixelelwe ukuba singasisukeli. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: 13 Izinto ezingalunganga ezingundoqo zokuthandana kwi-Intanethi

1. Dating apps kungenza lula enye inkqubo iintloni 

Ukuthandana kunokuba, ngeyona nto iphambili, yinkqubo yophicotho. Lo mzuzu ucela umntu ukuba aphicothe okanye azibeke phaya, kunokuba neentloni kakhulu.

Ke, isizathu sokuba unokuba likhoboka lokuthandana kwiiapps kukuba zenza yonke inkqubo ifikeleleke kwaye ilungele. Ngaphezu koko, bayayidlula i-taboo yokuthandana, ethi ibangele yonke into emangazayo inkalo yalo. 

2. Ukuzithemba kwimfuno 

"Ndiyayithanda indlela ozinxiba ngayo iinwele zakho!" “Ndiyayithanda into oyinxibileyo kulo mfanekiso!” Ubuya kuxoka ukuba uthe ezi zincomo khange igcine iminwe yakho ebuhlungu ibuyela nje enye into yokuswayipha, ethembisayo enye into yokuncoma. Ngandlela thile, kufana nenkohliso yokhuseleko, ukonyusa ukuzithemba, kunye nethamo lokuqinisekisa ngokucofa iqhosha. Kunje ukufumana izinto ezintle.

Ehlabathini lokwenyani, kunzima kakhulu ukufumana umntu oya kukuncoma ngokunyanisekileyo malunga nenkangeleko yakho okanye indlela osebenza ngayo okanye nayiphi na enye into. Oku kungenxa yokuba abantu abanankululeko kakhulu ngayo, kuba uninzi lusenokungazi indlela yokuncoma umntu. Kwaye xa ufumene ukulungiswa ngokukhawuleza kuyo epokothweni yakho, izizathu ezibangela umlutha we-app yokuthandana zicacile ukubona. 

3. Abanexhala ngokwentlalo banokuchaphazeleka ngakumbi ekubeni likhoboka lee-apps zokuthandana

Ngoku ka Iingxelo, abantu abaxhalabileyo ekuhlaleni basengozini yokuswayipha okungayekiyo. Ukuba unengxaki yokuqhuba incoko ngokobuqu, uya kukhululeka kakhulu ukwenza oko emva kokungaziwa kwe-app.

Ngokusebenzisa ii-apps zokuthandana, awuzukubeka emngciphekweni wokuvezwa ngokwasemzimbeni. Kwaye ngomzuzu lo mdlalo wakho uthumela omnye kakhulu "Hi, wyd?", Uyazi ukuba iqhosha elingenakulinganiswa lisecaleni kwegama labo. 

Ngaphandle kokuphinda uphume kwindawo yakho yokuthuthuzela, ukufumana eyona nto ifanelekileyo kubuntu bakho kunye neemfuno zakho zenziwe nokwenzeka. Xa izinto ekugqibeleni ziqhubela phambili kuwe kufuneka uhambe ngomhla wokuqala, nangona kunjalo, kulapho ke dating ixhala izokwenza ukuba ucinge, "Kulungile, ndigqibile ngee-apps zokuthandana." 

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4. Umdlalo wengqondo yomntu, ukuswayipha okuqaqambileyo ngexesha 

Uyilo lwe-UX/UI kwezi apps ludlala indima ekuqiniseni lo mkhwa. Nantoni na ekhawulezayo idla ngokubonwa njengeluncedo. Nantoni na esebenzayo ibonwa njengento entle. 

Ezi apps ziyilwe ngomyalelo ocacileyo wokugcina abasebenzisi abaninzi bebotshelelwe ngokuzinzileyo kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Abavelisi be-app abaluxabisi unxibelelwano olwenziwa ngabantu, bayalixabisa ixesha elichithwa ngabantu kwizicelo zabo. 

Ke kwixesha elizayo xa ubona imibala eqaqambileyo ikhanya ngamagama athi "Ngumdlalo!", Yazi ukuba ukungena ngequbuliso kwe-dopamine ebetha ingqondo yakho kwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuba ucinga. Zilungiselele ukuthatheka ngeprofayile, ngelixa uzama ukufumana indlela yokwenza yenza lo mntu akuthande.

5. Dating apps zikwaphathwa njengomdlalo

Ubuninzi bezinto ozikhethayo ngoku ezifumanekayo kwizinto ezifana nokuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga ziye zajika amava onke abe ngumdlalo. Ukhuphiswano lweentlobo. "Zingaphi ii likes ozifumeneyo?", "Bangaphi abafana abakubetheleyo namhlanje?", "Ngaba uyayifumana imatshisi?" zezinye zeendlela apho i-intanethi ukuthandana iimpawu likhoboka zibonakala. 

Isidingo sokuthandwa siyimfuneko yendalo yomntu. Kwaye xa ungafumani iipings kwifowuni yakho ngamagama akhuthaza i-dopamine, "Ngumdlalo!", Kuya kufuneka uzame ukudlala malunga neprofayile yakho, ngokungathi ngumdlalo ozama ukuwugqibezela.

Ngaba Dating Apps Wonakalisile Amava Othando? 

Ngaba ukuswayipha okungayekiyo, isiporho, ukuthumela imiyalezo kabini, ulindelo oluphambeneyo zonke zonakalise amava okuthandana nothando? Ekuphela kwento efunekayo yimpendulo enye engaqhelekanga, kwaye ungabheja idola yakho ephezulu ukuba umntu sele eswayipha ukuze atshintshe. 

Kulapho “abathandi bothando” bangena khona. Abo bathanda ukutyhala nokutsalwa kwalo, abo bamalunga nokuleqa, kunye nokungazi-ukuba le nto iyaphi. Kubo, amava okuthandana athotyiwe. 

Kufana nokuzisa itoti yee-noodle zekomityi ngoko nangoko kumntu ozama ukwenza ii-noodles ezitsalwa ngesandla ngesosi eqhotsiweyo. Xa konke okufuneka ukwenze kukongeza amanzi, uninzi luya kuphosa i-gourmet ngaphandle kwefestile.

Kodwa, ngaba ikho neyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuthandana? Ingaba ikhona incwadi yemithetho dating on Tinder? Ekugqibeleni, ngabantu ababini ekufuneka bajongane. Ngabantu ababini abazaziyo iintsilelo zomnye nomnye, ii-quirks kwaye baqonde indlela yokuyiqhuba. Indlela abahamba ngayo yeyabo ukumisela. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Swayipha eKhohlo eKunene: Intiyo esekwe kwezopolitiko kwi-Dating Apps

Umntu okhotyokiswe ziisayithi zokuthandana usenokuphikisa ngelithi, “Kutheni uzama ukunyanzela amadinga ukuba afikelele kwimilinganiselo ekudala ingasekho?” Ngokuqinisekileyo, ezi apps zineemfanelo zazo. Ungatsho ukuba kulula ukuba ungayi kwindawo ethile kwaye uchithe imali kuphela ukwazi kwasekuqaleni ukuba awuhambelani nomhla wakho. 

Elinye icala lithi ngamava amnandi, apho uthando lufumana ithuba “lokuqhakaza ngokwemvelo”. Kubo, ii-apps zokuthandana aziyonto ngaphandle komzamo ongenamonde wokuguqula uthando. Khawucinge ngale ndlela: Abanye abantu bayawathanda amatheko angalindelekanga. Kodwa abanye baba nemincili xa besazi ukuba kucetywa into eyothusayo, kwaye bangathanda ukucwangcisa indlela abaza kusabela ngayo. Abanye abantu bathanda ukulawula, abanye abantu bathanda ukuvumela izinto zihambe. 

Ekupheleni kosuku, konke onokuthi ube nethemba lokudibana nomntu othiyileyo izinto ezimangalisayo njengoko usenza. Mhlawumbi uya kudibana kwi-app yokuthandana "Hater", apho udibana nabantu abathiye izinto ezifanayo. Kulula, akunjalo?

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.

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