Inyani yokuba ubuza lo mbuzo kwindawo yokuqala sisalathiso sokuba kufuneka uthintele i-ex yakho. Iziqhulo ngokwahlukeneyo, lo ngumbuzo endibuzwa rhoqo ngabahlobo bam kunye nabantakwethu. Kwaye ndiza kunikela obu bulumko buncede abaninzi ngaphambi kwenu.
I-conundrum yakho yokuba "ngaba ndingavimba i-ex yam?" unokuba nempendulo ecacileyo. Ukufikelela kuloo mpendulo, kufuneka uzivavanye ngokwakho ubudlelwane bakho obudlulileyo ngokunyaniseka okupheleleyo. Enyanisweni, i-pinkie iyandithembisa ngoko nangoko ukuba awuyi kuzihoya iiflegi ezibomvu ezikujongileyo ebusweni.
"Ngaba ndingamvimba umntu wam wangaphambili kuWhatsApp ngaphandle konxibelelwano?" Izandla phantsi enye classic catch-22 iimeko. Kungekudala uza kuqala ukuziva kakubi ngokuvimba i-ex yakho. Iingcinga ezithile ezinje ngo "Ngaba ndivimba elo thuba linye lokubuyela kunye naye?" uya kukukhathaza ebuthongweni. Kwaye siphinde sibe nexhala malunga nokuba uziva njani umntu ohamba naye xa umblocka.
Mandibeke umbuzo wokwenene etafileni. Ukhululekile ukuphendula. Yintoni ebaluleke ngakumbi - ukuba nengqondo okanye ukundanda ngaphaya kwexesha elidlulileyo elingayi kukuzisela ulonwabo ngakumbi okanye ukukhula kwakho? Ngoku zibuze, "Ngaba iyavakala into yokuba ndivimbe i-ex yam eyandilahlayo?" Ngokuqinisekileyo kunjalo! "Ingaba ukuvimba umntu wakho owayesakuba mdala?" Andifane ndicinge njalo. Ukuba ukhetha ukuyeka ubuthi, umthintele kwaye uqhubeke, wenza esona sigqibo silumkileyo apha.
Phambi kokuba ndihambe ukuze ndikunike zonke izizathu ezifanelekileyo zokuqhawula i-ex, ndifuna ukubalisa iperile yobulumko edluliselwe kum ukusuka kweyona ndoda isilumko ndiyaziyo - utata wam. Nantsi into ayithethayo: "Sebenzisa into oyifunayo ukuze uzinakekele; i-sunblock, ibhlokhi yemidiya yoluntu, nantoni na. "
Izizathu ezi-8 zokuvala i-Ex yakho kwangoko
Isiqulatho
Kukho amaxesha apho kufuneka uvumele abantu ukuba bahambe. Ingxaki ngehlabathi lanamhlanje kukuba ukuvalelisana akuphelelanga apho. Oku kungenxa yokuba abantu bakhona kwihlabathi lokwenyani njengaleyo yenyani.
Ekuphela kwendlela yokunqamla umntu ngokupheleleyo xa ekhona kwii -apps ezisi-7 ezahlukeneyo kunye nawe kukumvimba. Kwaye 'ukuthintela' sisihloko ekuphikiswana ngaso kakhulu. Abanye bacinga ukuba buncedo, ukanti abanye bacinga ukuba lihlazo. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba kufuneka uthintele i-ex yakho, mhlawumbi unemibuzo emininzi:
Ngaba kufuneka ndivimbe i-ex yam kuWhatsApp? Zeziphi iimpawu onokuthi uzithintele i-ex kwimidiya yakho yoluntu? Ndiblocke ex yam endiqhathayo? Kutheni kufuneka ndivimbe intombi yam yangaphambili kwimidiya yoluntu? Ukuba uvimba umfana, uya kubuya?
Makhe sijongane nabo nganye nganye ngelixa sihamba ngezizathu ezisi-8 zokuvimba ex yakho ngoko nangoko. Ubukho bomntu kwimidiya yoluntu bunokuchaphazela ubomi bethu ngaphezu kokuba sisazi. Lixesha lokuba uthathe isigqibo sokuba ngaba u-ex wakho uyakwenza ukusika ukuqhubeka nokusebenzisa olo hlobo lwempembelelo kwi-headspace yakho. Konke kuhleliwe? Nako sisiya:
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela eLungileyo yokusebenzisa amandla okuthula emva kokwahlukana
1. Ku-kwakhona-kwakhona-kwakhona kuyityhefu-kwakhona
Ah, umjikelo wakudala omnandi weendlela zokuziphatha ezingenampilo. Uninzi lwezibini ezitshatileyo zivame ukuxolelana namaqabane abo emva kokuhlukana ngenxa yokuba zibakhumbula itoni. Nangona kunjalo, ixesha elimnandi alihlali ixesha elide, kwaye ngokukhawuleza babuyela kwisikwere sokuqala. Uqala ngolo hlobo umjikelo wobudlelwane oboyikekayo wokuphinda-phinda-kwakhona.
A isifundo epapashwe kwiJournal of Social and Personal Relationships iveze ukuba uninzi olumalunga nama-60% izibini eziselula zinokuba namava 'enzima' kubudlelwane babo. Kuyamangaza, akunjalo?
Ke, yeyiphi eyona ndlela ilula yokunxibelelana nomntu nangayiphi na iyure yemini? Imidiya yokuncokola. Yeyiphi eyona mpazamo onokuyenza ngexesha lokuba sesichengeni? Uthumela umyalezo nge-ex yakho. Ngoku asifuni ukuba ubuye umva kwi-loop, ke kufuneka uvale i-ex yakho kuzo zonke ii-apps. Ewe, bonke. Yijonge njenge-purge / detox / ukucoca.
Ukubuyela kwam ekholejini, ndathatha isigqibo sokumvimba umntu endandithandana naye emva konyaka kabuhlungu wokutyhola, ndigrogrisa ngokuzenzakalisa nokuzibulala. Unanamhla oku, ndimane ndiphulula umqolo ngenxa yesibindi ekufanele ndilithabathe eli nyathelo. Ucinga ukuba oku kuyoyikisa. Kodwa xa idrama yabo yeemvakalelo ayikwazi ukufikelela kuwe nangayiphi na indlela, iya kunyamalala ngokuzenzekelayo.
Akusekho luxolelwaniso (ekugqibeleni luqhawulo-mtshato), kwaye akusekho noxinzelelo lweemvakalelo. Ziphelise izinto kube kanye, ukuze uyeke ukubuza, "Ngaba ndingamvimba umntu wam wangaphambili kuWhatsApp ngaphandle konxibelelwano?"
2. Ukuvala isivumelwano
Into esiyifunayo sonke emva kokuphela kobudlelwane kukuvalwa. Ngelishwa, ayisithi sonke basikelelwe ngolo hlobo. Udadewethu, uTisha, wasokola ukufumana ukuvalwa xa ubudlelwane bakhe beminyaka emi-5 baphela ngenqaku elibi. Wayengazi ukuba angayamkela njani into eyenzekileyo (kwaye ngoba). Ekugqibeleni, waqonda ukuba unokuqhubeka ngaphandle kokuvala.
UTisha wamvimba kuzo zonke ii-apps zakhe kwaye wacima umnxibelelwano wakhe, kunye neefoto zabo. Wathi uziva ngathi wothulwe umthwalo entliziyweni yakhe. Wayengaseyonxalenye yobomi bakhe, kwaye yayiyiloo nto. Impendulo yakhe ethi, "Ngaba ndingamvimba umntu wam wangaphambili ukuba adlule kuye?" ibinguewe ukusukela ngoko.
Ukwamkelwa kwesiphelo sobudlelwane linqanaba lokuqala lokuvalwa. Ngethuba nje uzondla ngethemba lobuxoki, ukuphiliswa akunakuqala. Hlala neemvakalelo zakho kwaye uzilungise. Luvume ulwalamano, uze ubenze buhlungu. Kodwa ekugqibeleni, qhubeka uvale iindlela zonxibelelwano ukuze wazi ukuba kuphelile. Kwaye kulungile.
Yiloo nto kanye ayithethayo uShannon Alder, “Akukho nto itshintshayo de abantu bagqibe ukwenza izinto ekufuneka bezenzile, ukuze kuzise uxolo.” Nje ukuba ufikelele kwelo nqanaba apho uxolelana nesibakala sokuba kuhambe kakuhle, awusokuze uphinde umbuzo othi, “Ingaba ukuvimba umntu wakho wangaphambili akakhuli?”
3. Ukuphila ngokwasengqondweni > Ukuzenzisa
Eyona mpazamo inkulu, eyona mpazamo yenziwayo kukudlala imidlalo yengqondo kwimidiya yoluntu. Ukuba ndiyithumela le nto, intombi yam yangaphambili iya kuba nomona. "Ukuba ndabelana ngale nto kwiqela le-WhatsApp, uya kwazi ukuba ndiqhuba kakuhle." YIYEKE. Yima nje.
Umdlalo-owenza ngcono okanye ozama ukufumana ingqalelo yeyona ntshukumo incinci. Ngolunye lweempawu eziphezulu kufuneka uthintele i-ex yakho. Zezi izinto ongafanele uzenze emva kokwahlukana ngazo zonke iindleko. Khetha impilo yakho yengqondo ngaphezu kwembonakalo yobuxoki. Kutheni ufuna ukuzenzela ixhala kunye noxinzelelo kwingqondo yakho esele idiniwe yasemva kokwaphuka?
Sidla ngokuyijika ibe yinkxalabo enzulu yokuba uziva njani umntu wangaphambili xa umvimba? Sibalandela kumakhasi onxibelelwano kangangeentsuku ukuze sibone ukuba basentlungwini na njengathi. Ngaba sele bethandana nomntu omtsha?
Imidlalo yabantwana efana nale ayikhokheli ndawo. Phakama ngaphaya kobu buncinci kwaye uvimbele i-ex yakho ngokukhawuleza. Ukuba ikwenza uzive ngcono, baya kuhlala bezibuza ukuba kutheni ubathintele, kwaye uphezu kwantoni namhlanje. Unokusebenzisa ixesha lakho elixabisekileyo kunye namandla ngendlela enemveliso ngakumbi kunokuba ucaphuke kwaye uzive ungalunganga ngokuvimba umntu wakho wangaphambili.
Ukubuyisela ukulingana kwakho kubaluleke kakhulu emva kokwahlukana, kwaye iimfazwe zemidiya yoluntu azikuvumeli ukuba wenze njalo. Gxininisa kwizinto ezinokukunceda uphile emva kokwahlukana. Ukubanjelwa umva kuxolo lwangaphakathi, kwaye loo nto namajelo eendaba ezentlalo ayisiyonto ekufuneka uyenzile.
4. Izinto ziya kulayita (igesi).
Wonke umntu oye waphathwa kakubi okanye ofakwe igesi kubudlelwane, phakamisa izandla zakho. Uyazi kakuhle ukuba ii-ex ezinjalo ziyityhefu kangakanani. Ziyenza ingasebenzi iimvakalelo zakho kwaye zihluthe ukuzithemba kwakho. Uye wabanyamezela kubudlelwane, ngoko kutheni uzibeke kwintlungu efanayo emva kokwahlukana?
Ukuba uvimba umfana, uya kubuya? Ungawuvumeli lo mbuzo engqondweni yakho, hayi phantsi kwazo naziphi na iimeko. Awukoneli na bubullshit? Makhe ndikuxelele ngokuthe ngqo ukuba kuya kusebenza njani ukuba ubanika elona thuba lincinane lokubuya.
Xa ugcina ijelo lonxibelelwano livulekile, baya kuqalisa ukwenza uzive unetyala ngeemvakalelo zakho. Exes ezifana ezi ukukukhohlisa phantsi kwengubo yothando kwaye badlale ixhoba ngokwabo. Baza kukubuza, ukwahlukana, kwaye akukho xesha, uya kuhamba ubaleka ezingalweni zabo.
Umhlobo wam, uMax, wakha wabuza, “Ndingamvimba na umntu endandithandana naye owandilahlayo? Nangona wonke umntu wayenyanzelisa ngokuchaseneyo, uMax akazange amthintele. Emva kwenyanga, waqhawuka wathi ixhego lakhe limbek’ ityala ngayo yonke into, lisithi ufanelwe kukulahlwa.
Ii-ex ezinjalo ezifana nokuzama kukaMax kukwenza uzive uxhomekeke kuzo ngeetekisi ezifana no "Uyazi ukuba uyandidinga". Ndive ngokuvakalayo nangokucacileyo: AWUZIFUNI. Bathintele ngoko nangoko kwaye uzigcine ilori yenkathazo.
5. Umkhohlisi, umkhohlisi, umntu otya okunyanzelekileyo
Kukho iimpawu ezimbalwa izinto abaqhatha bazithethayo xa bejongene ngobudlelwane babo. Izizathu ezifanayo zakudala, izithembiso zokuphucula, uxolo lwe-melodramatic, njalo njalo. Kodwa oko akuyicimi intlungu abakubeke kuyo. URoss Geller usenokuthi wayekwikhefu, kodwa siyayazi indlela awayephosakele ngayo, akunjalo?
Ukubhloka okanye ukungavali? Uyazi, ngelixa ubuyela emva naphambili uzibuza, "Ngaba ndifanele ndimvimbele?", Mhlawumbi ujabulela iholide eGoa. Awude uziqhekeze ezona zinto zili-10 ziphezulu engqondweni yakhe. Vimba i ex ebenganyanisekanga kuwe, kwaye ugxothe zonke iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala. Ukwahlukana yinkqubo ebuhlungu ekufuneka udlule kuyo; awudingi uxinezeleko olongezelelekileyo lokujongana nomqhathi.
Isikhumbuzo esithambileyo sokuba ukukopela kuluphawu lokungahoyi nje (ngeemvakalelo zakho), kodwa nokungahloniphi (ngobudlelwane bakho). Ndiyathemba ukuba uyasazi isizathu sokuba sibabize abaqhathayo ngokuba zii- compulsive eaters. Kungenxa yokuba zitya uxolo lwethu lwangaphakathi kunye nozinzo. Bafana neezombies ezondla iimvakalelo. Ngoko xa ubuza - Ngaba ndifanele ndivimbe i-ex yam eyayindiqhatha? Ndiyacula: Block em'. Block em'. Block em'.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Kutheni Abanye Abantu Bethatha Ukwahlukana Kakhulu Kunabanye?
6. Vala zonke iithebhu ukuze uqalise kwakhona
Ungaqhubela njani phambili ukuba ubambelele kwixesha elidlulileyo? Isiqalo esitsha asinakwenzeka ngaphandle kokuba ugqiba izinto ngembali. Ukuba ufuna ukuba yinguqulelo engcono kuwe kwaye uphilise kubudlelwane bangaphambili, kuya kufuneka uqhawule onke amaqhina nomntu wakho wangaphambili.
Noba bendikwindawo endikhe ndazibuza ukuba mandivimbe i ex yam ukuze idlule kuye? Ndiyathetha, awufuni ukuba ngumntu oqaqanjelwa ngumqolo ngenxa yokuthwala umthwalo wakhe weemvakalelo. Kuba ndithembe, oku kuya kuba nefuthe kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bakho.
Ekugqibeleni, mhla ndavimba i-ex yam eyayindilahla, ndaziva ndilula kakhulu entloko. Akusayi kuphinda kutyholwe imidlalo, akusekho milo imbi, akusekho siphazamiso. Ndaphuma nomhlobo wam osenyongweni, sine ice cream. Ihlabathi lalibonakala lizele ngamathemba kwakhona. Ukuvalela ex yakho iya kuboleka imvakalelo yokugqibezela ukwaphuka kwakho, ukuze uqhubele phambili kwaye ekugqibeleni nokuba bathandane nabanye abantu.
Ngamanye amaxesha siye sithi ndlela ntle kumaqabane ethu kodwa sisokola ukwamkela le ndlela-ntle. Thatha oku njengophawu kufuneka uthintele ex yakho. Ukuthintela i-ex akusoloko kuyisenzo somsindo okanye usizi; ngamanye amaxesha sisikhumbuzo kuthi ukuba ubudlelwane buphelile. Yeka ukubuza, "Ngaba ndingamvimba okanye hayi?" kwaye wenze kakade. Qala kwakhona ubomi bakho. Kuba izulu liyazi ukuba udlule esihogweni kwaye lithuba lakho lokuba wonwabe.
7. Amour propre
Yonke into ivakala ngcono ngesiFrentshi; awunakuyitshintsha ingqondo yam. I-Amour propre ithetha ukuziva uxabisekile - into ekufuneka uyikhusele ngokuphefumla kwakho kokugqibela emva kokwahlukana.
Into emnandi malunga noqhekeko kukuba benza ubugxwayiba obolileyo kuthi. Siyacela, siyacenga, kwaye siyabaqhatha abantu bethu bangaphambili ukuba basibuyisele, basimamele, balungise izinto, okanye badibane okokugqibela. Oku (ngokucacileyo) akulunganga kakhulu ukuzixabisa kwethu. Ukuphepha ukutshabalalisa iqhekeza ngalinye lesidima sakho, vala i-ex yakho kuwo onke amaqonga.
Akukho minxeba enxilisayo okanye ukuthumela imiyalezo, akukho miyalezo yasezinzulwini zobusuku, akukho minxeba yokuphanga okanye iingcebiso zesini sokwenza. Kungathatha ixesha ukufumana ukubamba emva kokwahlukana, kodwa kuthatha imizuzwana ye-14 ukuvimba umntu. "Ndingamvimba umntu wam owandilahlayo?" Ewe, ufanele, kuba uya kuphinda ukwazi ukulawula ubomi bakho. Nceda ungalibali ukuba ungumntu ofanelwe yimbeko nothando.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izinto ezingama-12 ekungamelwe zenziwe emva kokwahlukana
8. Hlaziya kwakhona ngekhefu
Nokuba unethemba loxolelwaniso emva kokwahlukana, ixesha elincinci lihlala lihle kubudlelwane. Ukungabikho kwenza intliziyo ikhule. Amaqabane ahlala ehlala omnye komnye, kwaye oku kunokukhokelela kwi-monotony. Nokuba nahlukene (okanye ukwikhefu), thatha ikhefu omnye komnye.
Bathintele ukuba babambe unxibelelwano okwethutyana. Niya kuqonda ukuba nobabini nixabisana ngaphezu kokuba nicinga. Sebenzisa eli xesha ukucinga ngobudlelwane bakho kunye nento onokuyenza ukuze ube ngcono. Mhlawumbi nibuyelana ngamandla, mhlawumbi niyahlukana – kodwa nasiphi na isigqibo kufuneka sicingelwe nguwe. Hlala nawe ucamngce: ngaba ndiyabuvula obu budlelwane? Ndinga lungisa ubudlelwane bam obuyityhefu?
"Kwakhona, liliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthintela ubudlelwane bam obuyityhefu?" - oku kufuneka kuhluke kumntu ngamnye, kuxhomekeke kubunzulu bobudlelwane babo. Zinike ixesha lokutsala ixesha lokuqala lokothuka kunye nentlungu. Ukukhawuleza uqonde ukuba ubambekile kwixesha elidlulileyo, kungcono. Ngoku lixesha.
Oko bekufanele ukuba kukulungisile izinto. Ilizwi lokugqibela lengcebiso: xa uvimba i-ex, yigcine ngolo hlobo. Ungabathinteli njengomntwana ofikisayo, kuba abakakhuli ngenene. Mthintele kwaye uqhubele phambili, kube kanye. Namathela kwisigqibo sakho kwaye ubambe indawo yakho.
Ukuvimba i ex lukhetho olunokuba nezizathu ezininzi emva kwalo. Ezi zinikwe ngasentla zezona zisi-8. Ukuba ucinga ukuba kukho into esiyiphosileyo, okanye unebali ofuna ukulibalisa, sibhalele eBonobology – siyakuvuyela ukuva kuwe!
FAQs
Yhuu, oko kuxhomekeke ekubeni 'kutheni' le meko. Kutheni ubavimba? Ukuba unezizathu ezivakalayo zokuzinqamla, ngoko hayi, akukhulanga. Ukubeka phambili impilo yakho yengqondo ayikhe ibe yinto encinci okanye ibe bumntwana. Kodwa ukuba awunaso isizathu esibambekayo, kwaye wenzela ukuhoywa - nceda uyeke ukwenza olu khetho.
Akukho siqinisekiso siqinisekileyo sokuba ukwenza izinto ezithile kuya kukwenza uqhubeke. Kodwa kumava am, ukunciphisa unxibelelwano kunye no-ex yindlela entle kakhulu yokuqala ukuphilisa. Ukufumana ngaphezulu komntu yinkqubo ende, kwaye ukugcina i-ex ejikeleze ngokuqinisekileyo akuloncedo. Ke ukubhloka kuyasebenza ngengqiqo yokuba uthintelwe ekwenzeni izigqibo ngokungxama.
Kwakhona, lo mbuzo uyimfuneko. Ukuyeka umntu esimthandayo akuloshishini lilula. Kodwa ukuba umntu omthandayo ungumntu onetyhefu owenzakalisa impilo-ntle yakho, ungamnqanda ngandlela zonke. Amaqabane axhaphazayo, ukukopela okanye amanga anokuba nothando lwakho, kodwa abalufanelanga uxolo lwakho lwengqondo. EMpuma okanye entshonalanga - ukuzinyamekela yeyona nto ingcono.
Zombini ezi zikhetho ziyafana kumbindi wazo. Bafuna ukunciphisa unxibelelwano nomntu. Ukuba ucinga ukuba utyekele kwizigqibo ezingxamisekileyo njengokufowuna okanye ukuthumela umyalezo nge-ex, uze ucime inombolo yabo. Oku kuya kukunika ithuba lokucinga ngaphambi kokuba wenze. Ngaphandle koko, ukubhloka kwenza umsebenzi wenziwe.
Ngaba kulungile ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho kwimidiya yoluntu?
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
