Indlela Yokujongana Nokuzikhusela Kubudlelwane: Isikhokelo

Ukuzikhusela kubudlelwane yinto eyenzekayo xa usiva isikhalazo njengohlaselo kwaye inkqubo yakho yemithambo-luvo ingena ngqo kwindlela yokuzikhusela. Endaweni yokufunxa oko kuthethwa liqabane lakho, uqala ukukhusela umfanekiso wakho, iinjongo zakho, okanye "icala lakho lebali." Yiyo loo nto incoko ijika ibe kukutyhola, izizathu, kunye nabantu ababini abathetha ngaphaya komnye nomnye. 

Olu khuselo lukhokelela kwiingxaki ezingasonjululwanga, ukukruquka ngokweemvakalelo, kunye nenzondo kuba akukho namnye kuni ovakalelwa kukuba bayaviwa. Okuncedayo kukuqonda izizathu zaloo nto kunye nokulungisa izikhewu kunxibelelwano lwakho ngokufanelekileyo. Nantsi isikhokelo esipheleleyo sokukunceda.

• Misa isikhashana
• Thatha uxanduva lwendima yakho
• Kwaye gxila ekuqondeni iqabane lakho endaweni yokuzikhusela

Ukuzikhusela Kubudlelwane Kubonakala Njani?

Ukuzikhusela yindlela yokuzikhusela kuyo nayiphi na indlela yokugxekwa kuba ukubona njengohlaselo lomntu kunokuba kube yimpendulo nje. Ukuze uyeke ukungakhululeki, u: 

• Chaza
• ukuzithethelela
• Iinyani ezichanekileyo
• Jikela ityala
• Okanye uzenze ixhoba 

Ingxaki kukuba le "mpendulo yokuzikhusela" idla ngokubonakala ngathi ukubeka ityala komnye umntu, nokuba awuyiqondi loo nto. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Xa ibhinqa liziva lingahoywanga kubudlelwane | Kwenziwe ntoni

Indlela eluncedo yokuqonda intsingiselo yokuzikhusela kubudlelwane kukuyibona njengento edibanisa ingqondo kunye ne-physiology:

• Ngokwengqondo, ifana nendlela yokuzikhusela okanye ukuzikhusela nge-ego, apho ingqondo yakho izama ukunciphisa ixhala okanye uloyiko lokuzibona ngathi ungumntu onjani.
• Ngokwe-physiological, kudla ngokubonakala ngathi yimpendulo yosongelo. Ingqondo nomzimba zinokuthatha amaxesha athile obudlelwane “njengengozi,” zivuselele iinkqubo zoxinzelelo ezikulungiselela ukulwa okanye ukubaleka. 

Xa ukwimeko enjalo, unxibelelwano olukhuselayo ludla ngokuquka: 

• Ukuphazamiseka okukhawulezileyo
• Ukujonga iinyani ngokungqongqo
• Ithoni ephezulu
• Or ukucima

Imizekelo yokuzikhusela

Ukuba uyazikhusela kubudlelwane, la mazwi adla ngokuvakala ngathi ayazikhusela, kodwa impembelelo yawo idla ngokuvakala ngathi kukulahla iqabane lakho. Ezi ziintlobo zeengxelo eziphinda zivele ku imilo isibini:

• “Asilotyala lam.” 
• "Nawe uhlala usenza oku." 
• "Bendixakekile, ulindele ntoni?" 
• "Akunjalo oko kwenzekileyo. Ukhumbula ngendlela engafanelekanga." 
• "Ngoku ndingumntu ombi. Kulungile." 
• "Kulungile, ndicinga ukuba andinakuze ndenze nantoni na kakuhle." 
• “Kutheni undihlasela nje?” 
• "Ukuba ubusandula ukwenza indima yakho, oku bekungayi kuba yingxaki." 

Ungakuva nokuzikhusela kwiimpawu ezingezizo ezivakalisini: 

• Ukuqengqeleka kwamehlo
• Ukuncwina
• Ukuncuma
• Ukujika
• Okanye ithoni eqinileyo nehlekisayo

Imiqondiso engengomazwi iyila kakhulu indlela imiyalezo etolikwa ngayo kwaye inokongeza ipetroli emlilweni. 

"Xa uzikhusela, kukuqala kwakho ukulwa okanye ukuphendula kuba uziva uhlaselwa kwaye ingcinga yengqondo yakho iyacima."

– Umsebenzisi weReddit

Iimpawu zokuzikhusela kubudlelwane

Ukuziphatha ngokuzikhusela kubudlelwane kudla ngokuba lula ukukubona xa sele uyazi into omawuyijonge. Kudla ngokulandela indlela apho ingqwalasela itshintsha ukusuka ekuqondeni ingxaki ukuya ekuzikhuseleni. Endaweni yokuzibandakanya noko iqabane lakho likuvayo, ingqondo yakho itshintsha iye ekuzikhuseleni. Usenokungaqondi oko kwangoko, kodwa iimpendulo zakho ziqala ukuvakala ngathi ziyaphindaphinda, phantse ziyazenzekela.

Uza kuphawula rhoqo ezi ndlela zokuziphatha zisenzeka kunye, ingakumbi ngexesha lengxabano:

• Ukutyhola iqabane lakho ngezenzo zakho okanye iimvakalelo zakho 
• Ukwenza izizathu zokuphepha uxanduva
• Ukuhlasela okanye ukutyhola
• Ukungavumi uxanduva okanye ukunciphisa indima yakho
• Ukwenza ixhoba elimsulwa ukuze omnye umntu arhoxe 
• Ukuxambulisana ngeenyaniso neenkcukacha endaweni yokujongana nomba weemvakalelo 
• Ukuphazamisa nokuqokelela ubungqina, ngokungathi wakha ityala enkundleni
• Ukuvala, ukuhamba, okanye ukubethelwa ngamatye ngokweemvakalelo xa exinezelekile 

Kutheni iQabane Lizikhusela? 

Eyona nto iphambili, ukuzikhusela kubudlelwane kubangelwa kukungaqondi kakuhle intsingiselo yamagama okanye unxibelelwano olubi Iqabane lizisa ingxaki, kodwa ingqondo yakho iyiguqulela ekubeni yinto enzima ngakumbi:

• “Ndinexhala” iba “Uyandiphoxa.”
• “Oku kundikhubekisile” kuba “Ungumntu ombi.”
• “Singathetha ngale nto?” iba “Uza kuhlazeka.”

Wakuba uzive uhlaselwe, iimvakalelo zakho ziyakhula, kwaye unxibelelwano oluzikhuselayo luba yinto ezenzekelayo. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Yintoni omawuyenze xa uziva unqanyuliwe kwiqabane lakho?

1. Ukuziva uhlaselwa okanye ugxekwa

Ukugxekwa yenye yezona zinto zibangela ingxaki rhoqo. Xa umxholo uphakanyiswa ngendlela erhabaxa negxekayo, ukuzikhusela kuyinto eqhelekileyo. Ukuba ufuna ukuzikhusela kancinci, awusebenzi nje kuphela kumntu okhuselayo. Ukwanciphisa ukugxekwa okubonwayo ngokutshintsha indlela imiba ephakanyiswa ngayo. Yiyo loo nto "ukuqala kancinci" kunye "ndivakalelwa" kuba yinto ebalulekileyo. 

"Kukho uxanduva kumacala omabini ale ndlela yokunxibelelana ebulala umtshato. Isithethi sinetyala ngokuphakamisa umba ngendlela engafanelekanga negxekayo, kwaye umphulaphuli unetyala ngokusabela ngokuzikhusela, ngokungavumi uxanduva ngendima yakhe kule ngxaki."

– UTyaCamellia Stone, Ingcali yoMtshato noSapho eneLayisenisi

2. Ukukhusela ukuzihlonipha

Ukuzikhusela ngokusisiseko kukulinganisa ukuzithemba. Uzama ukuphepha iintloni. Ukuvuma ukuba wenze impazamo kunokuchaphazela ukuzithemba kwakho ngokubanzi, nokuba iqabane lakho belingazimiselanga ngaloo ndlela. 

Apha kulapho kuncinci khona ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo Izimbo zomzimba ziyanceda, njengokuxabisana, ziyanceda. 

• Xa uziva uxabisekile, ukugxekwa ngamanye amaxesha akukutshabalalisi ukuzixabisa kwakho
• Xa uziva uvavanywa rhoqo, uzikhusela ngakumbi 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: 7 Iziqikelelo zoqhawulo-mtshato oFumana Uzazi

3. Iindlela zokujongana nomntwana

Njengezinye iingxaki ezininzi zokungazithembi kunye neempawu eziyingozi, ukuzikhusela kunokuba ngumphumo wokwenzakala ebuntwaneni. Ukuba ukuzikhusela kukukhusela ebuntwaneni bakho ekungeneni engxakini, kwisiphithiphithi, okanye kwintlungu yeemvakalelo, akumangalisi ukuba umntu omdala 'wena' ubambelele kuyo ubomi bakhe bonke. Uyoyika ukuba iqabane lakho lisenokuqhubeka ukuwa eluthandweni okanye akushiye ngenxa yeempazamo kwaye le yindlela yodwa yokumelana neengxaki oyaziyo.

"Ndiziva ndingakhuselekanga kuba ndiyoyika ukushiywa. Ndixhalabile ukuba iinjongo zam ziya kuba ziphosakele, ngoko ke ndivakalelwa kukuba kufuneka ndikhusele indlela yam yokungashiywa ngasemva."

- Umsebenzisi weReddit

Indlela Ukuzikhusela Okuyonakalisa Ngayo Ubudlelwane

Ingongoma kukuba, ukuzikhusela kubudlelwane kukukhusela kwiingxaki; Kodwa kukwathintela neendlela zokuziphatha ezakha ukuthembana: uxanduva, uvelwano, ukulungiswa, kunye ukulungisa ingxakiNgoko ke, nangona kubonakala ngathi kuluncedo kwixesha elifutshane, ukuzikhusela konakalisa ubudlelwane bakho ekuhambeni kwexesha. Masiqonde oku njengesizathu kunye nekhonkco lesiphumo:

• Xa uzithethelela, ingxabano iyakhula endaweni yokusombulula ingxaki 
• Ukuzikhusela kudla ngokubangela ukuba omnye umntu aqine ngakumbi kuba eziva engakhathalelwanga okanye etyholwa
• “Ukuzikhusela” kudla ngokuba “kukutyhola iqabane lakho,” kwaye impikiswano iyanda 

• Ngoku, impikiswano iba yeyona nto iphambili kwaye iingxaki zokwenyani ziyabekelwa ecaleni kwaye zinganakwa
• Ngenxa yesi sizathu, kudalwa amanxeba eemvakalelo kwaye ingqumbo iyaqhubeka ikhula ngengxoxo nganye 
• Lo ngumonakalo oyintloko: ingxaki ayisombululwa, kwaye ubudlelwane buqala ukuwohloka. 
• Xa iqabane lakho liziva lingaviwa, ekugqibeleni liyayeka ukuthetha ngezinto

• Xa oku kuba yinto eqhelekileyo, ufumana umgama ngokweemvakalelo. Kuba ngcono ukuhlala uthule, wahlukene, okanye ucaphukile kunokuzama ukulungisa 
• Ekuhambeni kwexesha, oku kudala imvakalelo "yokuhamba phezu kwamaqokobhe amaqanda": nobabini niyawaphepha amanqaku kuba sele niyazi ukuba iskripthi siphela njani 

Ukuzikhusela emtshatweni kunokuba yingozi kakhulu kuba imiba engasonjululwanga qhubeka nokulungisa umphezulu: 

• Imisebenzi
• Ngumzali
• imali
• Ulwalamano
• ixesha
• Kumthetho

Iingxabano ziba yinto eqikelelweyo nedinisayo, uze uqale ukwakha ibali elibi malunga neenjongo zeqabane lakho. 

Indlela Yokuyeka Ukuzikhusela Kubudlelwane

Ukuba ufuna utshintsho oluhlala luhleli, usebenza kumanqanaba amabini: umzimba kuqala, ingqondo yesibini. Xa inkqubo yakho isebenza, awukwazi ukuthetha ngendlela yakho yokuzola. Kuya kufuneka uzole uze uthethe ngcono. Nazi ezinye iindlela ezisebenzayo eziya kukunceda uphume kule ngxaki.

1. Thatha uxanduva nokuba yinxalenye yalo

Qala apha kuba sesona sixhobo sikhawulezayo sokunciphisa umngcipheko. Isisombululo sokuzikhusela kukwamkela uxanduva lwendima yakho kwimeko leyo, nokuba kungenxa yenxalenye yengxabano kuphela. 

Oku kuyasebenza kuba kutshintsha intsingiselo yeemvakalelo zalo mzuzu. Iqabane lakho liyayeka ukuziva ngathi kufuneka libonakalise ubunyani balo. Liqala ukuziva ngathi nobabini nikwicala elinye.

Izikripthi ezisebenzayo onokuthi ngokwenene:

• "Uchanekile ngaloo nto. Ndiphoswe yiyo." 
• "Ndiyabona ukuba oko kwenzeke kakubi kangakanani. Bendingatshongo, kodwa ndiyayiqonda impembelelo." 
• "Ndizithethelela. Ndiphe ithuba. Ndifuna ukukuva." 

Ukuba ubambeke ekuzikhuseleni emtshatweni, olu buchule lunye lunokutshintsha ubushushu beemvakalelo zekhaya lonke kuba lwenza ingxabano ibonakale iyasebenza kwakhona. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezili-16 zamadoda angakhuselekanga kunye nendlela yokujongana nawo

2. Yima kancinci ngaphambi kokuba uphendule

Ukuma akuthethi ukuba uyamkela uxanduva olupheleleyo. Unika nje inkqubo yakho yemithambo-luvo ixesha lokuzinza ukuze ukwazi ukukhetha impendulo efanelekileyo. Ingozi ebonwayo, okanye ingxabano enokubakho kweli tyala, ivuselela uqhushululu oludlula engqondweni nasemzimbeni olwenzeka ngokukhawuleza, ngamanye amaxesha ngaphambi kokuba ukwazi ukucubungula okwenzekayo ngabom. Yiyo loo nto unokuziva ngathi ubanjwe ngokukhawuleza kangaka. Ngoko ke, ngaphambi kokuba uphendule:

• Thabatha umoya kancinci kancinci ngaphambi kokuba uthethe
• Lahla amahlombe akho
• Hlambulula umhlathi wakho
• Yithi, “Ndifuna ukuphendula kakuhle. Makhe ndicinge okomzuzwana” 

Ukuba unengxaki yokungakwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho, oku kuphumla kuya kwenza imimangaliso kuwe ngqu zulwano. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Yintoni omawuyenze xa uBudlelwane bakho bukwindawo yokuqhawuka?

3. Qinisekisa iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho

Ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho akuthethi ukuba uyavuma ukuba wenze impazamo. Yindlela nje yokubenza bazive beviwe. Oku kubalulekile kuba iingxabano ezininzi azikho malunga neenyaniso kodwa malunga nokungavisisani ngokweemvakalelo.” Xa iqabane lakho licaphukile, lihlala libuza, “Ngaba ndibalulekile kuwe ngoku?” Ukuqinisekisa kunokubonakala ngathi:

• "Kuyavakala oko. Ndiyabona ukuba kutheni ungaziva ngaloo ndlela" 
• “Ndiyakuva. Uzive ugxothiwe” 
• "Ndingabona ukuba oku kubalulekile. Ndixelele okungakumbi" 

kunye ukuqinisekiswa ngokweemvakalelo, usuka kulwimi oluvavanyayo nolulawulayo uye kulwa novelwano kunye nokujonga iingxaki, nto leyo edla ngokunciphisa ukuzikhusela. 

Zama ukutshintsha impendulo yakho ye-reflex ngombuzo onyanzela ingqondo yakho ukuba imamele:

• "Yeyiphi eyona nto ikukhathazileyo kakhulu?" 
• “Ufuna ntoni kum kwixesha elizayo?” 
• "Ingaba oku malunga nomsitho othile, okanye kukho into enkulu ngaphantsi?" 

4. Sebenzisa imiqondiso yokuphelelwa lixesha

Xa izinto zishushu kwaye uziva ngathi ulahlekelwa lulawulo, udinga irempu yokuphuma evunyelwene ngayo kwangaphambili. 

isignali yokuphuma kwexesha, igama okanye isenzo esilula esithetha ukuthi “siyazikhusela, kufuneka sime kancinci.” Sebenzisa esi signali kwangoko nje ukuba uqaphele utshintsho ukuthintela izinto ukuba zingaphazamisi.

Ngexesha lekhefu: 

• Wenza into ethomalalisayo
• Musa ukugxila kwingxaki okanye uziqhelise iingxoxo zakho zasenkundleni 
• Wakuba uzolile ngokwaneleyo, buya uze uqalise ingxoxo kwakhona 

5. Sebenzisa indlela yokuqalisa kancinci xa uzisa iingxaki

Okwangoku, eli candelo ligxile kwindlela iqabane elikhuselayo elinokuphucula ngayo. Kodwa isibini sinokunciphisa ukuzikhusela ngokutshintsha indlela eziphakanyiswa ngayo iingxaki kwasekuqaleni.

Ukuqalisa okuthambileyo kubonakala ngolu hlobo: 

• Ukhokela ngovakalelo
• Chaza imeko ngaphandle kokugxekwa

Kwaye wenze isicelo esicacileyo 

Umzekelo, “Ndiziva ndixinezelekile xa ikhitshi lishiywe linje ngobusuku bonke. Ndifuna ukuba sililungise ngaphambi kokuba silale.” 

Oku kunciphisa ukugxekwa okubonwayo kwaye kwenza ukuba ukuzikhusela kungafumaneki lula kwiqabane lakho. 

6. Yakha ukhuseleko lwangaphakathi ngokuziqinisekisa ngokukhawuleza

Ukuziqinisekisa uphando icebisa ukuba xa uzinza kwisimo sengqondo esizinzileyo, ungayamkela inkcazelo esongelayo ngaphandle kokuzikhusela kakhulu. Ukuba uthambekele ekuzikhuseleni ngenxa ukuzijongela phantsi kwaye kuba nayiphi na ingxelo ibonakala ngathi uyasilela, ungaziqhelanisa nokuqinisekisa ixabiso elibalulekileyo kuwe ngaphambi okanye ngexesha leengxoxo ezinzima. Nantsi into oyenzayo:

• Khetha ixabiso elinye ofuna ukuphila ngalo, njengobulungisa, ukukhula, ukuthembeka, ukuzola, okanye ukunyaniseka
• Zibuze oku: “Yeyiphi enye indlela endizama ngayo ukuphila le milinganiselo?”
• Emva koko phinda ungene kwincoko unenjongo yokuqonda kuqala, uze uchaze okwesibini 

Indlela Yokujongana Nomlingane Okhuselayo

Ukuba iqabane lakho liyazithethelela, into yokuqala onokuyenza kukwenza oku kulandelayo: 

• Tyhala nzima
• Dwelisa ubungqina
• Okanye uphakamise ilizwi lakho ukuze "uqondwe ekugqibeleni" 

Oko phantse kuhlala kuphazamisa kuba ukugxekwa kudla ngokubangela ukuzikhusela, nto leyo ebangela ukugxekwa okungakumbi. Nantsi indlela ogcina ngayo icala lakho lonxibelelwano licocekile, ngaphandle kokuyekelela.

• Qala ngethoni yeemvakalelo, hayi ngokwaneliseka. Ukuba ithoni yakho ithetha ukulawula okanye ukugqwesa, impendulo yomnye umntu yoloyiko iya kusebenza ngokukhawuleza
• Sebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Ndiziva” kunye nesicelo esinye esikhethekileyo
• Musa ukuphikisana ngezibakala xa iimvakalelo ziphezulu. Ukuba iqabane lakho liqokelela izibakala, ungathi: “Singalungisa iinkcukacha kamva. Ndifuna ukuthetha ngempembelelo” 
• Fowunela ixesha lokuphumla ngokukhawuleza xa uziva ulahlekelwa kukulawula
• Ukuba le ndlela ayiguquki, thetha ngayo xa uzolile. Kwifestile ezolileyo, ungathi: “Xa ndithetha ngento ekhathazayo, uhlala usithi andiyenzi kakuhle, ndize ndigqibe ukuziva ungahoywanga" 
• Ukuba ujongene nokuzikhusela emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane kwaye kudibene nokuthuka, ukoyikisa, izoyikiso, okanye ukuhlaziswa okuphindaphindiweyo, yiphathe loo nto njengombandela wokhuseleko, kungekhona indlela yokunxibelelana. Ngelo xesha, iingcebiso zonxibelelwano ngokubanzi azanele, kwaye uncedo lobuchwephesha yiloo nto uyidingayo.

Impendulo ekhuselayo	Impendulo Esempilweni
Iqabane elinetyala	Uthatha uxanduva ngendima yakhe
Ubeka izizathu	Uyayivuma impazamo aze enze umgudu wokuyilungisa
Uhlaselo lokulwa	Umamela ngenkuthalo aze abuze imibuzo ecacileyo
Ulahla iimvakalelo	Iqinisekisa iimvakalelo kwaye ihlala inxibelelene
Uphikisana ngezinto eziyinyani	Igxila kwimpembelelo kunye neemfuno
Ivala okanye imvula ivuthuze	Usebenzisa ixesha lokuphumla aze abuye ngexesha

FAQs

Iingcinga Zokugqibela

Ukuzikhusela kubudlelwane kunokonakalisa kancinci nonxibelelwano oluqinileyo, rhoqo ngaphandle kokuba uqonde oko kwangoko. Okuvakala ngathi kukuzikhusela kudla ngokuba yindlela osabela ngayo xa ugxekwa, eqhutywa zizinto ezibangela iimvakalelo, ukungazithembi kubudlelwane, okanye iindlela zakudala zokumelana. Kodwa inyani yile, ukuhlala kuloo ndlela yokunxibelelana ngokuzikhusela kudala umgama omde kunye nokungaqondani. Utshintsho luqala xa unqumama, uthatha uxanduva oluncinci, kwaye ukhethe ukuqonda kunokusabela.

17 iiFlegi ezibomvu kubudlelwane ukuba Lumka

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.