Kutheni Uxakene Nomntu ongamaziyo - Izizathu ezili-10 ezinokwenzeka

Ukhe wadibana nomntu emsebenzini okanye kwikholeji okanye isiganeko kwaye ngoko nangoko watsaleleka kubo. Usenokuba uthethile okanye awukhange uthethe nabo ngokufutshane kodwa uzive unxibelelwano olunzulu ngokukhawuleza. Kungekudala, uzifumana uhlala ucinga ngazo. Kuvakala ngathi awukwazi ukuzikhupha engqondweni yakho kwaye awazi ukuba kutheni. Ikushiya uzibuza, "Kutheni ndixakwe ngumntu endingamaziyo?"

Uthethile nomntu nje imizuzu embalwa. Abayonxalenye yobomi bakho bemihla ngemihla okanye isangqa sentlalo. Awusoloko udibana nabo. Enyanisweni, awubazi nokubazi kwinqanaba lomntu. Nangona kunjalo, uye wahlakulela iimvakalelo ezintle kwaye awukwazi nje ukuphelisa ezi ngcamango ziphazamisayo malunga nomntu ongamaziyo. “Kutheni oku kusenzeka?,” uyazibuza. Ewe, eli nqaku libonelela ngeembono ezizodwa ngokufanayo kwaye linokukunceda ukuphendula umbuzo wakho. Masiqonde izizathu ezibangela oku kuthand' egazini kungafanelekanga nomntu ongamaziyo kwaye sifumane iindlela zokoyisa ezi mvakalelo.

Izizathu ezili-10 zokuba Uxakeke Ngomntu ongamaziyo

Iimvakalelo ezibukhali zinokutya kwaye zibe yingozi kwimpilo yengqondo yomntu. Ukuzingca ngomntu odumileyo okanye ubuntu obahlukileyo yinto eyahlukileyo. Kodwa ukubonisa ukuthambekela okugqithisileyo kumntu ongamaziyo kunokubuchaphazela ngokwenene ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla, kubangele ukuba ukhulise iipateni ezingaqhelekanga kunye neemvakalelo.

Ngo kutshanje isifundo, iingcinga ezigqithisileyo zikwayenye yeempawu ze-erotomania, ukuphazamiseka okukhohlisayo okwenza ukholelwe ukuba omnye umntu uyakuthanda. Baninzi oothunywashe ababangela ukuba iingcinga ezinjalo zixakeke kakhulu. Nazi izizathu ezili-10 zokuba uthandane nomntu ongamaziyo:

1. Uzisebenzisa njengesiphazamiso kwimeko yakho yangoku yobomi

Ngaba uyazibuza, “Kutheni ndithe phithi ngumfana endingazange ndithethe naye?” Ngaba uyazibuza, "Kutheni ndithanda umntu endingamthandiyo?" Ewe, kukho ithuba elihle lokuba uzama ukuziphazamisa kwimeko yakho yangoku ebomini. Kusenokubakho izinto ezininzi ezinegalelo kwezi mvakalelo zinzulu:

• Awonelisekanga sisimo sakho sobudlelwane obukhoyo okanye umntu othandana naye
• Ukhe waba ndiziva ndililolo kwaye ukucinga ngalo mntu kukunika intuthuzelo kunye nentuthuzelo
• Ujongene nobunzima emsebenzini okanye kwinqanaba lomntu kwaye ufuna ukuphazanyiswa kwezo mvakalelo zimbi.
• Ukucinga ngalo mntu yindlela yakho yokumelana neengxaki zobomi bakho

Kuzo zonke ezi meko, ukucinga ngabo kukwenza uzive wonwabile. Isenokubonakala iyimpendulo kuzo zonke iingxaki zakho, kodwa akunjalo, kuba ubaleka ubunyani bakho. Mhlawumbi uvakalelwa kukuba kukho into engekhoyo okanye engekhoyo ebomini bakho. Uqala ukuthe phithi ngulomntu kuba uvala eso sikhewu. Kubizwa ngokuba yi-escapism kwaye sesinye sezizathu eziphambili zokuba uxakeke ngumntu ongamaziyo.

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2. Uyatsaleleka kubuntu babo

Enye impendulo kumbuzo othi "Kutheni uxakene nomntu ongamaziyo?" kusenokwenzeka ukuba utsaleleke kwiimpawu zobuntu zalo mntu. Kukho imfihlelo ethile kubo. Basenokuba balumkile ngaphezu kweminyaka yabo okanye banokuqonda okanye imbono ekhethekileyo ngobomi ekwenza uzive utsaleleke kubo. Awunakuze uqikelele ukuba yintoni na esengqondweni yabo, nto leyo ekwenza uzive ngathi ufuna ukubabona kwaye ubazi ngcono. Ukungakhathali kwabo kukwenza ube nomdla kuwe, kukwenza ufune ukufikelela ngokupheleleyo kwezona ngcinga neemvakalelo zabo.

3. Unento engafanelekanga

Oku kunokuba nzima ukukuqonda. I-Obsession ichazwa njengokuhlala ucinga ngomntu okanye into ngendlela eyityhefu nengenampilo kuwe. Kodwa ingxaki kukuba awukwazi ukuzinqanda ekubeni ube nezi ngcinga zingaphaya kwamandla akho. Ke, isizathu sokuba ube phithi phithi ngomntu ongamaziyo inokuba ukhathazwa kukungafezeki okungafanelekanga. Uthe phithi ngabo kangangokuba ulahlekelwe ngumkhondo wobomi bakho bokwenyani.

2018 isifundo yiThe International Journal of Indian Psychology ithi ukuthabatheka ngokugqithiseleyo kwenzeka xa ubani “ethabatheka aze aphulukane novuyo okanye intlungu yolwalamano.” Inokwenzeka "kubudlelwane obungenamsebenzi" kunye naphakathi kwabo bangahlali kunye okanye baneengcamango ezingakhuselekanga ngomntu. Imiqondiso embalwa yendlela engaqhelekanga yokuziphatha inokuba:

• Rhoqo ukubalandela kumakhasi onxibelelwano
• Ukufuna ukwazi yonke into ngabo
• Ndikulangazelela ukuthetha nabo
• Ukufuna ingqalelo kubo
• Ukufuna ukuchitha ixesha kunye nabo

Ezi zizalathisi zokuthi phithi ngokungenampilo kunye nokuba kukho into engalunganga ebomini bakho. Ukuba uyayiqonda le nto, yazi ukuba loo nto ikwenza uzive ubhetele ngoku kodwa ekugqibeleni iya kwenza kube nzima ngawe ukuphinda wonwabe.

Ulonwabo lwakho luxhomekeke kuwe kwaye kufuneka luphume ngaphakathi kuwe hayi komnye umntu. Nokuba ungene kubudlelwane bothando nalo mntu uthile kwaye ubone onke amathuba akho othando eyenzeka, uya kubonakalisa iipatheni zokuziphatha ezingafanelekanga ngenxa yokoyika ukuphulukana nazo.

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4. Unesimbo sokuncamathela esinexhala

Ukuba uqhelene nezitayile zokuncamathelisa, uya kwazi ukuba kukho iintlobo ezine- zikhuselekile, zixhalabile, zinqanda, kwaye azilungelelananga. Ukuba unesimbo sokuncamathela esinexhala, unokuziva ungakhuselekanga malunga nexabiso okanye isikhundla sakho kubomi beqabane lakho. Isimo sakho seemvakalelo sinokuchaphazela ubukho babo bonke. Kwaye leyo yinto enobungozi ukujongana nayo kuba ihlala ibeka isiseko sobudlelwane obungenampilo okanye obuyityhefu obunokuthi buhlale ixesha elide.

A isifundo yiSayensi Direct ibange ukuba isimbo sokungakhuseleki okanye esinexhala sidlala indima ebalulekileyo kubantu abaphuhlisa isimbo sothando. Unokuzibuza ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuba nesitayile sokuncamathela esinexhala okanye eminye imiba yokuncamathela eyenza uzive ungakhuselekanga kwaye ungakhuselekanga. Ewe, kwiimeko ezinjalo, unako:

• Zive ukhuselekile kwaye ukhululekile kunye nalo mntu
• Ufuna ukuba phakathi kwabo ngalo lonke ixesha
• Ufuna ukwazi yonke into malunga nabo, yiyo loo nto uhlala ujonga iiprofayili zabo zemidiya yoluntu okanye uhlale unxibelelana nabo ngemiyalezo ebhaliweyo.
• Yiba nomona ngabanye abantu abanokuba nomdla kulo mntu

Kunzima ukujongana ne isimbo sokuncamathela esinexhala okanye ukuphazamiseka kokuncamathela, kodwa kunokwenzeka ukuba uzama ukuzisebenzela ngokwakho kwaye ufumanise ukuba yintoni ekwenza wonwabe. Ungaphinda ufune uncedo lwengcali ukuze ufumane isikhokelo esifanelekileyo. Oko kuya kukunceda wakhe ubudlelwane obunempilo kwixesha elizayo.

5. Unesithukuthezi kakhulu

Unokuzibuza ukuba kutheni uxakeke kakhulu ngosaziwayo okanye ube neengcinga ezigqithisileyo malunga nomntu ongamaziyo. Ewe, esinye isizathu esinokuba sisiseko kukuba lilolo. Xa umntu eziva elilolo, badla ngokujonga unxibelelwano okanye bathembele komnye umntu ukuba avale eso sikhewu, azive ephila, kwaye azenze onwabe. Ngoxa kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuziva ulilolo maxa wambi, akuyompilo ukucinga ngento ethile okanye umntu ojamelana nobulolo.

A Umsebenzisi weReddit uthi, “Oko kudla ngokubangelwa kukuziva ungento yanto xa uwedwa yaye ukhangele komnye umntu ukuba abe ngumthombo wamandla, ulonwabo nosindiso lwakho. Ndiye ndanento efanayo kwixa elidluleyo yaye kwafuneka ndifunde ukukhululeka ngokupheleleyo ukuba ndedwa ngokufumanisa ukuba ndingubani na noko ndikunandiphayo ebomini.

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6. Uqhelene nokuxhomekeka

I-Codependency kukuthembela okungafanelekanga ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasengqondweni kwiqabane okanye umntu ongamaziyo, kangangokuba uziva unomona kwaye unomona kwaye ufuna ukuhlala udibana naye rhoqo. Ukuba uyazibuza, “Kutheni ndixakwe ngumntu endingamaziyo?,” kusenokwenzeka ukuba utyekele ekubeni ukuxhomekeka.

Oku kunokuba yimeko enzima ukuba ube kuyo, kuba ikwenza uzive ungakhuselekanga. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, uye unamathele, umona, kwaye ube nobutyebi obugqithiseleyo. Ukuziphatha okungafanelekanga ngolo hlobo kunokukukhokelela kwikhondo eliphosakeleyo kwaye kuchaphazele ubudlelwane bakho bexesha elizayo. Unokutsaleleka kubantu abanokudala isiphithiphithi kunye nedrama ebomini bakho.

7. Uve unxibelelwano olukhawulezileyo kunye nabo

Iingcinga ezingaphaya kwengqondo malunga nomntu ongamaziyo zinokubangelwa ngenxa yemvakalelo yonxibelelwano olukhawulezileyo kunye naye. Khawube nalo mfanekiso: uyaqala udibana nalomntu kwaye uyibethe kwangoko. Incoko zenu azipheli usuka ubengathi ubumazi lomntu. Uziva ngathi wabelana ngobudlelwane obukhethekileyo nabo. Zibonakala ngathi umphefumlo wakho okanye lamatye. Awunakuyeka ukucinga ngabo.

Mhlawumbi entliziyweni yakho uvakalelwa kukuba lo mntu ngowakho. Nangona kunjalo, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba awubazi. Olu hlobo lokuzingca okungenampilo alunangqiqo kwaye lunokwenza kube nzima kuwe ukucinga ngokufanelekileyo malunga neemvakalelo zakho ngalo mntu. Kwimeko enjalo, kunyanzelekile ukuba uthabathe inyathelo uze ucinge ngokusengqiqweni ngalo mbandela, ngakumbi xa iimvakalelo zakho zingaphindi zenziwe.

8. Uyawuthanda umbono wabo, hayi umntu

Esinye isizathu sokuba ube neengcinga ezigqithisileyo kukuba uthanda umbono womntu kodwa hayi umntu. Ngamanye amaxesha, abantu bathanda ukuthanda umntu abangamaziyo kwaye baqale ukucinga ngokugqithisileyo ngaye. Benza umfanekiso ongeyonyani waloo mntu entlokweni yabo ngokusekelwe kwi-headspace abakuyo.

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukwindawo enzima okanye unesithukuthezi okanye kukho isikhewu ebomini bakho ozama ukusivala. Ke, ugqiba ukugcwalisa eso sikhewu nge ndiwa emathandweni ngombono onokubakho walo mntu, endaweni yobuntu bakhe bokwenyani. Ukuthanda kwakho kukwenza ukuba ucingele abantu abangafumanekiyo. Uvelisa umbono wakho weqabane eligqibeleleyo kubo. Nangona kunjalo, xa iqamza ligqabhuka kwaye inyani ibetha, awuyi kuziva nto ngaphandle kokuphoxeka.

Ngokwalo Umsebenzisi weReddit, “Ukufumanisa ukuba ayingomntu ocinga ukuba banguye entlokweni yakho kwakuyeyona ndlela ilungileyo kum, ukoyisa umntu ebendisoloko ndimthanda ngaphezu kweminyaka emi-3 ndade ndaya kunyango, kodwa eyona ndlela isebenzayo yayikukufumanisa ukuba loo mntu wayengafani naleyo ndandicinga ngayo konke konke.”

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9. Ubafumana benomtsalane ngokwasemzimbeni nangokwesondo

Le yenye yeempendulo eziqhelekileyo kumbuzo othi "Kutheni ndixakeke ngumntu endingaziyo?" A 2017 isifundo wathi uthando olugqithisileyo lunokuchazwa ngekhemistri, umtsalane, kunye nenkanuko. Ngoko ke, uye kumhla wakho wokuqala kunye nalo mntu kwaye ubafumana emzimbeni okanye ngokwesondo enomtsalane. Kukho amathuba aphezulu okuba basengqondweni yakho ngalo lonke ixesha. Ukufumana unxibelelwano lwezesondo nomntu kunqabile. Ikwenza uzive uvuya, ikwenza uzive unemincili, kwaye mhlawumbi uphulukene neentelekelelo zakho ngalo mntu, ikwenza ucinge ngaye ngokugqithisileyo .

10. Baziva beqhelekile

Ngamanye amaxesha, siziva sitsalelekile kumntu othile kuba esikhumbuza ngomnye umntu. Kukho imvakalelo yokuqhelana, esenza sizive ngathi sele sibazi kwaye siyabaqonda. Oku kunokuba njalo nakuwe. Mhlawumbi, lo mntu ukukhumbuza nge ex, isithandwa sesikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, ilungu losapho, okanye umhlobo obusondelene naye. Indlela yabo yokuziphatha okanye uhlobo lobuntu luqhelekile, lukwenza uzive uthando olufanayo nolwakhe wabelana ngalo nomntu, yiyo loo nto utsaleleka kulo mntu kwaye ucinge ngaye ngokugqithisileyo. Ukufana okanye ukuqhelana kwenza izinto zibe lula, yiyo loo nto uziva uqhagamshelene nabo.

Siyathemba ukuba ezi zizathu zingentla zinika ingcaciso malunga nokuba kutheni uthe phithi ngomntu ongamaziyo. Ukudibana nomntu omtsha osiphakamisayo, oveza imiceli mngeni emitsha, kwaye onika inkuthazo inokuba ngamava achulumancisayo. Kodwa ukuzigxina kuzo kangangokuba zonke ezinye iinkalo zobomi bakho zichaphazeleka akuyompilo. Wakuba ukwazi ukukuqonda oku, unokusebenzela ekususeni iingcinga ezixineneyo.

Ndingayeka Njani Ukuzingca Ngomntu Endingamaziyo?

Ke, ngoku usenokuba uyazibuza, “Ndingayeka njani ukuthanda umntu endingamthandiyo?” okanye “Ngaba ikho indlela yokuyeka ukucinga ngomfana endingazange ndithethe naye?” Ewe, kufumaniseke ukuba ukuthanda kakhulu umntu odumileyo okanye umntu ongamaziyo okanye okhe wathetha naye akuzukukusa ndawo. Yiyo loo nto kufuneka ufunde ukulawula iminqweno yakho okanye ukuphelisa. Ngaphandle koko, iya kuchaphazela ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla kwaye ikhokelele kubunzima imiba yengqondo.

Ngoku ukuba ufumene iimpendulo kumbuzo wakho ovuthayo, "Kutheni ndixakeke ngumntu endingaziyo?", makhe sixoxe ngendlela onokuphelisa ngayo ukulungiswa. Ukuba ufikelele kweli nqanaba, oko kuthetha ukuba sele uqaphele impembelelo engalunganga yeengcamango zakho ezithintekayo kwezinye iinkalo zobomi bakho. Olu luphawu oluhle. Ukuvuma ingxaki kubalulekile ukuba ufuna ukufumana indlela yokuyilungisa. Ewe, la macebiso anokunceda:

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1. Zama ukuphila ngalo mzuzu

Ndingenza njani xa ndithanda umntu endingamthandiyo? Ewe, ukuba ubuzibuza lo mbuzo, ingcebiso enye iya kuba kukuzigcina uhambelana nenyani. Zama ukuhlala kulo mzuzu endaweni yokuziqinisekisa rhoqo ukuba ukucinga ngokugqithisileyo ngalo mntu kukwenza wonwabe.

Ziqhelise ukukhumbula kunye nokucamngca kuba kuya kukunceda ugxile kulo mzuzu kwaye ujabulele ubunyani obukujikelezile endaweni yalowo usentloko yakho. Iyakubandakanya iimvakalelo zakho kwaye ikufundise ukujongana neengcinga ezingafunekiyo.

2. Fumana uncedo lweengcali

Enye indlela yokujongana neengcinga ezingaphaya kwamandla kukufuna uncedo kumcebisi oyingcali. Unyango lunokuba luncedo ngokwenene ekujonganeni nengxaki yothando. Ngamanye amaxesha, umntu wangaphandle unokukunceda ukuba ubeke iingcamango zakho ngendlela efanelekileyo, ujonge imeko ngokufanelekileyo, kwaye unike ulwazi olukhethekileyo ongazange ucinge ngalo ngaphambili.

Banokukunceda uqonde oyena nobangela weengcinga zakho ezingaphaya kwamandla kwaye unike isikhokelo malunga nendlela yokujongana nazo. Ukuba ubambekile kwimeko efanayo kwaye ufuna uncedo, Bonobology's lenjongo Iingcali zonyango ezinamava kunye nelayisensi kukucofa nje.

3. Ziqhelise ukuzinyamekela nokuzithanda

Ukuzingca apha kuthetha ukubeka iimfuno zakho ngaphambi kwezo zomnye umntu. Funda ukuzihoya kwaye uzenze wonwabe endaweni yokuchitha ixesha ucinga ngalo mntu uthe phithi nguye. Fumana iindlela ukuthandana nawe. Nje ukuba uqalise ukucinga ngawe, awusayi kufuna ingqalelo yabo. Kuya kukunceda ukuba ucothe ukukhupha iingcinga ezibambekayo.

Xa sinikela onke amandla ethu ekulungiseni ubudlelwane okanye kumntu omnye, sihlala sizifumana siswele amandla afunekayo ukuze sigxile kwiimfuno zethu. Ngoko, kutheni ungazixabisi ngokwakho endaweni yomnye umntu? Zama ukuyeka ukondla ingqondo nentliziyo yakho ingcamango yokuba ukucinga ngalo mntu kukwenza uzive ungcono. Nanga amacebiso ambalwa:

• Sebenza ngokuzithemba kwakho kunye nokuzithemba
• Zama into entsha yokuzonwabisa
• Ziqhelise ukukhumbula
• Gxininisa kwizinto ezikwenza wonwabe

Ulonwabo lwakho luxhomekeke kuwe, hayi komnye umntu. Kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo akuxhomekekanga kumntu ongabuyiseli iimvakalelo zakho. Funda ukuziqhelanisa ngokukhutheleyo ukuzithanda nokuzikhathalela. Oku Umsebenzisi weReddit Uthi, “Ndaqalisa ukuya kutya ndedwa, ndisiya kubukela iimuvi ndedwa, ndihamba uhambo olude ndedwa...yayivakala ingaqhelekanga ekuqaleni kodwa yathuthuzeleka kakhulu emva kwexesha elithile, ndaqonda ukuba andimdingi umntu okwinkampani yam kuba ndandinenkampani ekwaziyo ukuzenzela yonke into.

4. Luqhawule unxibelelwano

Enye yeendlela ezilungileyo zokuyeka ukuba phithi ngumntu ongamaziyo kukuzikhwebula kuye. Isenokubonakala isoyikisa, kodwa zama ukuseka umthetho wokungaqhagamshelwana nomntu obusoloko ucinga ngaye. Akukho zifowuni, imiyalezo, okanye imidiya yoluntu. Iya kukunika umbono wokuba ubomi bunokuba njani kuwe ngaphandle kwabo. Yaye usenokuqaphela ukuba kulungile ukuba ungacingi ngabo ngalo lonke ixesha yaye awubafuni kwaphela ebomini bakho.

A Umsebenzisi weReddit uyacebisa, "Yeka ukujonga kumaphepha akhe onxibelelwano lwentlalo. Enyanisweni, uwavale. Fumana into oza kugxila kuyo endaweni yakhe. Ngokuqinisekileyo qhubeka ufumana uncedo. Ukuba usesikolweni, gxila kumsebenzi wakho wesikolo. Joyina iklabhu, yiya ecaweni, okanye uzame into entsha ukugcwalisa ixesha lakho."

5. Zenzele imikhwa emitsha

Enye indlela yokuyeka ukuba phithi ngomntu ongamaziyo okanye ongakhange uthethe naye kukuziqhelanisa nokubethelela imikhwa emitsha okanye ukuthanda izinto ezintsha. I-Yoga, ubugcisa, imidlalo, ukuhamba, umsebenzi, abahlobo - inokuba nantoni na nje ukuba iyakuphazamisa kwiingcamango zakho ezithintekayo kwaye inike ingqondo yakho into entsha yokugxila kuyo. Kuya kukukhuthaza ukuba wenze njalo ukusuka kumcimbi ocalanye. Uya kukwazi ukujonga phambili endaweni yokuba uthi phithi yinto engeyiyo neyokwenene.

Sonke siwela kumgibe wokukhula ukuthanda umntu esingamaziyo. Kusenokudimaza yaye kusidimaze xa iingcinga zethu ziphenjelelwa ngumntu esingamazi kangako okanye esisandul’ ukudibana naye. Ngoxa kungokwemvelo ukucinga ngabanye, asifanele sivumele iingcinga ezinjalo zilawule ubomi bethu. Ukwenza utshintsho kunye nokukhula komntu kunokuba ngumngeni. Ingqondo yakho iya kufuna ixesha lokulungisa ezi mvakalelo kunye neengcinga. Ngokuthe ngcembe, uya kukwazi ukuphinda ulawule kwaye usebenzele ukubayeka bahambe.

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