Ingabe Abakhohlisi Bayahlupheka? Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Ukungathembeki Kuthatha Kakhulu Kumuntu Owenzile

Ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka? Lowo kwakuwumbuzo owafika engqondweni lapho umuntu ezwa iSiphepho, ithrekhi ekhishwe nguKanye West lapho ekhuluma khona ngokungathembeki kwakhe ngesikhathi eshada nenkanyezi yangempela uKim Kardashian. Kungase kube isitatimende esinesibindi sokuvuma izono (futhi ubelokhu ecela ukubuyisana kusukela ngaleso sikhathi ngaphandle kwempumelelo enkulu).

Kodwa-ke, abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi izenzo zakhe ngemva kokuhlukana kwakhe ngokuyisisekelo ziphendule umbuzo omdala mayelana nokukhashelwa - ingabe abakhohlisi bazwa ubuhlungu ngendlela efanayo nomuntu ophila impilo yakhe edabukisayo? Impendulo elula kuyo inguyebo. Futhi kubantu abaningi, mhlawumbe ngisho nabakwaKanye, abaningi bazisola ngeqiniso.

Ezimweni eziningi, ongathembekile uthola isiphetho esifushane senduku kuyilapho umphakathi usuka kumlingani wakhe. Isibonelo, qhathanisa impendulo kaKim Kardashian kanye nokuthandana kwakhe okusha noPete Davidson ekunyatheleni uKanye akutholile ngokukopela kwakhe.

Iqiniso eliyisisekelo liwukuthi izwe liyamzonda umkhohlisi kodwa kuyaqabukela abantu bacabangele indlela ukukopela okumthinta ngayo umkhohlisi. Nakuba isiqephu sokungathembeki singalimaza imibhangqwana, akungabazeki ukuthi abakopela babhekana nemiphumela yezenzo zabo, ngezinye izikhathi ezinzima kakhulu kunabalingani babo. Kanjani ngempela futhi ngani? Sinquma izizathu zokuhlupheka kwabakopela ngokubonisana nomelaphi wamazwe ngamazwe kanye nomeluleki Tania Kawood.

Ingabe Abakhohlisi Bayahlupheka? Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Ukungathembeki Kuthatha Kakhulu Kumuntu Owenzile

Ukukhohliswa kungesinye sezenzo zokukhaphela ezilulaza kakhulu umuntu angase abhekane nazo ebuhlotsheni obuzibophezele noma emshadweni. Kodwa nakuba uzwela nozwela kuhlale kulele kumlingani okhashelwayo, bambalwa kakhulu abantu abazibuzayo: Ingabe abakhohlisi bahlupheka kakhulu njengabalingani babo?

U-Anna (igama elishintshiwe), isikhulu se-e-commerce esineminyaka engu-40, waba nezinkinga emshadweni wakhe ngesinye sezigaba zawo ezibuthakathaka. Izinto bezingahambi kahle kumyeni wakhe nokuyilapho ahlangana khona nozakwabo avele wazihlanganisa naye. Enye into yaholela kwenye futhi ngokushesha wayeseqomile.

Akusho lutho ukuthi akuphelanga sikhathi esingakanani kwavela lolu daba, lwaphazamisa umshado wakhe. U-Anna, ongashadile okwamanje, uthi: “Ngangingajabule phakathi noma ngisho nangemva kokuba ubuhlobo bami obungaphandle komshado buphelile.

Ingabe abakhohlisi bathola i-karma yabo, ngenxa yobuhlungu ababuzwayo emikhayeni yabo? Yebo, bayakwenza. Imizwa nokugibela kwe-rollercoaster okuhlanganisa ubudlelwano bangaphandle komshado noma okungekho emthethweni, kuvame ukuba nethonya elikhulu kubantu abazitika ngakho. Okokuqala, ukuba umkhohlisi ngemva kokukhohliswa akuvamile (okwaziwa ngokuthi ukuziphindiselela ukukopela). Futhi, inkinga yokungathembeki ukuthi ngaphandle uma umuntu engumkhohlisi we-serial, umthelela ongokwengqondo nenhlalo ungaba mubi kakhulu kubo.

Okubi nakakhulu ukuthi abakutholi ukusekelwa umndeni noma abangani futhi ngisho noma bekuthola, akuveli ngenhliziyo yonke. Ngakho-ke ngokufanelekile noma ngokungalungile, abakhohlisi bathola i-karma yabo ngandlela thize noma enye. Kuyinkohliso ukucabanga ukuthi abantu abadukayo bakuthola kulula. Nakuba isizathu sokungena esheleni singase sihluke kumuntu ngamunye, kuvamile ngabakhohlisi ukuba bazizwe benecala, benamahloni, bekhathazekile, bekhathazekile, kanye neminye imizwa engemihle.

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Abakopela bazizwa kanjani ngabo? UTania uthi, “Kusobala ukuthi ababona abaphile kahle noma abajabule kakhulu ngokwengqondo. Ingabe abakopele bahlupheka ngendlela efanayo nabalingani babo abaqambela amanga kubo? Ngeke sasho ngamaqiniso kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi baneziphambano zabo siqu okufanele bazithwale.

UHarry (igama elishintshiwe), usomabhizinisi, ukhuluma ngobuqotho ngesiqephu sokukopela esabhidliza umshado wakhe. “Ngake ngajola nomngani wami kodwa umthelela wawumubi kakhulu emshadweni wami njengoba umyeni wami engishiya.Kodwa okubi kakhulu ukuthi ubudlelwano engangilwe nabo umhlaba wonke abuhlalanga isikhathi eside, okwangishiya ngidabukile.Ngicabanga ukuthi, umbuzo wami waphakade – ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka – waphendulwa,” usho kanje.

UHarry ube nobudlelwano obuncane obuncane ngemuva kwesehlukaniso sakhe kodwa uthando oluhlala isikhathi eside lumbalekela. Ingabe kungenxa yothando? "Ngicabanga ukuthi kunjalo. Ngangivame ukuzibuza, "Ingabe i-karma izongithola ngokukopela?" Lapho isoka lami lingishiya, ngabona ukuthi mhlawumbe kukhona okuthiwa i-karma phela,” usho kanje.

Kafushane, abakhohlisi bayabuzwa ubuhlungu, umuzwa wecala, kanye neminye imizwa eminingi futhi ngokuvamile ukukhashelwa kubathinta ngokujulile. Nazi ezinye izindlela lapho ukungathembeki kunomthelela omubi kumuntu onecala:

1. Ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka? Icala livame ukubenza

"Ukukopela icala umphumela omkhulu kakhulu wokungathembeki. Umuntu angase ajabule nesithandwa sakhe, kodwa akukho ukubalekela icala lokwehlisa umlingani wakhe oshade naye ngokusemthethweni noma umlingani ozinikele. Lokhu kungase kuphazamise ngisho nokuzethemba kwabo,” kusho uTania.

Iqiniso lokuthi ukuphinga akwamukeleki kwamasiko amaningi futhi kuvame ukubukelwa phansi njengobuhlungu obubi kakhulu ongabuzwisa umlingani wakho liwumthwalo kakhulu umqondo womkhohlisi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kunokucindezeleka kokuqhubeka nokuqomisana ngeqili. Kuyo yonke imiphumela yokungathembeki kumkhohlisi, iqiniso lokuthi baphila nomthwalo wokukopela lilimaza impilo yabo engokwengqondo.

2. Ungase ube nokuthambekela kokukopela futhi

Abaningi abakhohlisayo bavame ukuthethelela ukuziphatha kwabo njengesiqephu esisodwa esibangelwa izinkinga ezithile emshadweni wabo. Kodwa njengoba besho, "Uma umuntu engumkhohlisi, uhlala ephindaphinda." Asikho isiqinisekiso sokuthi ngeke ukuphinde lokho futhi kuba nzima kumlingani wakho ukuthi akwethembe.

“Ubudlelwano obuningi obuzalwa ngaphandle kwezindaba abuhlali ngaso sonke isikhathi ngenxa yalesi sizathu. Ezimweni eziningi (hhayi zonke), ukungathembeki kubangelwa ukungakwazi ukumelana nezithembiso noma ukuthwala umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zabo. Ukungazethembi nokwesaba kwabo kudlala indima enkulu ekunqumeni ukuthi obunye ubudlelwano babo bakha kanjani,” kusho uTania.

Uma beqhubeka nokwenza iphutha elifanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe, yenza abakopela bayazisola ngezenzo zabo? Kunjalo. Kuyiqiniso yini ukuthi ukukopela kukwenza ulahlekelwe imizwa futhi bathole ndikindiki emiphumeleni yabo lapho bebanjwa bekopela? Akunjalo. Abakopela bazizwa kanjani ngabo? Iningi labaqola ngokuphindaphindiwe livame ukuhlakulela ukuzizonda ngezindlela zabo zokungathembeki futhi bathole imiphumela yokungathembeki kumkhohlisi ngokugcwele.

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3. Ukwesaba i-karma kuhlasela kakhulu

Kubize ngemiphumela engokomoya yokukopela, kodwa labo abenza ukuphinga bavame ukuvinjezelwa ukwesaba i-karma. Ingabe abakhohlisi bayayithola i-karma yabo? Lona kungase kube umbuzo we-esoteric ongenazo izimpendulo ezifanele kodwa akukho ukubalekela umthwalo wokungabi nandaba nokwesaba.

“Ngithembe uma ngikutshela ukuthi imiphumela yokukopela koshade naye ayiqali lapho bethola ngokungethembeki kwakho, iqala ngomzuzu nje uwenza ngayo,” kusho u-Albert, unjiniyela wama-software oneminyaka engu-32 ubudala waseCalifornia. “Ngemva kokukhohlisa umlingani wami, ngacabanga ukuthi ngizokwazi ukudlula icala nokwesaba enganginakho.” Ekugcineni, umuzwa wecala nokwesaba yikho okwangenza ngivume,” uyanezela.

Abakhwabanisi babhekana nemiphumela yokukhashelwa kwabo ngoba isenzo sibangela ubuhlungu obukhulu kubalingani babo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, unembeza wabo uyabahlaba, ikakhulukazi uma ubuhlobo babungeyona inkinga. Ngakho-ke labo abazitika ngobuhlobo bobulili lapho bekholelwa ukuthi akulungile ngokokuziphatha bazothola kunzima ukuphila ngemiphumela yezenzo zabo. Kubantu abanjalo, imiphumela engokomoya yokukopela ingase ibe mibi kakhulu kuneyomthetho (uma abashade nabo bethatha indlela esemthethweni).

4. Umndeni wakho nawo uyahlupheka

Ukungathembeki komuntu kulimaza hhayi kuphela umlingani wakhe kodwa nomndeni wonke. Kuvamile ukuthi umlingani olimele abe umkhohlisi ngemva kokukhohliswa. Futhi, lapho kunezingane ezihilelekile, isiqephu sokukhaphela kanye nezimpi ezilandelanayo eziphakama nakanjani lapho ukukopela kudalulwa kungalimaza izingane.

“Kuyayenga ukuzibuza ukuthi, ingabe abakopela bahlupheka kakhulu noma abalingani babo bahlupheka kakhulu?” Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi ngaphezu komkhohlisi noma umngane womshado, yizingane ezihlupheka kakhulu. imiphumela yokungathembeki ezinganeni kungaba okuhlala isikhathi eside futhi kungashintsha wonke umbono wabo wezwe ngobuhlobo.” Ngamanye amazwi, ukuhlupheka komkhaya mhlawumbe kuyimpendulo: Ingabe abakhohlisi bathola i-karma yabo?

5. Amazinga okucindezeleka ayanda

Lapho ungena ebuhlotsheni obungemthetho wazi, injabulo yokuqala yesithelo esenqatshelwe isheshe ithathelwe indawo ukucindezeleka nokuphelelwa ithemba. Ukugcina ubuhlobo bungaphansi kokugoqa, ukwesaba ukubanjwa, kanye necala lokukopela kungathatha yonke intokozo yendaba.

Bacabangani abakhohlisi? Umkhohlisi uvame ukungena phakathi kwemizwa eminingi lapho ethola khona uthando oluningi kwisithandwa sakhe futhi abhekane nenzondo edlulele kanye nentukuthelo evela kwabashade nabo (uma ebanjiwe). Konke kuholela emizweni eyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu ezothinta ezinye izici zempilo yabo njengomsebenzi nomsebenzi.

6. Isici sangaphambili asisoze sasuka

Ingabe abakopela bayayikhumbula i-ex yabo? Ngaphandle bangase bathi cha, kodwa endaweni ethile umlingani wabo wangaphambili uyohlale ebeka isithunzi. Kunzima ukubalekela iqiniso lokuthi baqamba amanga noma baphula izifungo zomshado noma izithembiso zobuhlobo obuqinile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, emindenini eminingi, ngisho naku-a umshado ongasebenzi, umngane womshado osemthethweni othola ukusekelwa umndeni owandisiwe.

Abakopela babona nini ukuthi benze iphutha? Lapho bengagcini nje ngokulimaza umngane wabo womshado kodwa nomkhaya wakubo, kuhlanganise nezingane zakubo nabazali, yilapho kuqala khona ukuqaphela. Lapho konke lokhu kuqala ukwenzeka, babona umonakalo abawudalile.

7. Ukukopela kuba nomthelela omubi ebudlelwaneni besikhathi esizayo

Esinye isici okungakaze kukhulunywe ngaso kakhulu umthelela ukukopela okuba nawo ebudlelwaneni besikhathi esizayo bomkhohlisi. Zama ngangokunokwenzeka ukufakazela okuhlukile, kunzima kunoma ubani ukuthemba umuntu oqambe amanga futhi wakhaphela umlingani wakhe.

“Esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko ezangenza ngahlukana nesoka lami ukuthi lalivame ukungigcona ngokungathembeki kwami ​​lapho sixabene.” Wayenovalo lokuthi njengoba ngangingangabazi ukukopela umyeni wami, nami ngangingase ngimshiye,” kuvuma u-Anna. Ngakho, ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka? Kubonakala sengathi ubuhlobo babo obuyinhloko abugcini nje ngokuwohloka, kodwa bayaqhubeka nokuhlupheka ngisho nangemva kokuphishekela abalingani abasha.

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8. Uyohlale wehlulelwa

Ngeshwa, endaweni yobudlelwano, abakopela abatholi ukudlula kalula. Uma isenzo sokungathembeki sesaziwa umphakathi, uhlale wehlulelwa ngaleyo prism, ubekwe icala futhi uxhashazwe. Ingabe abaqola babhekana necala elifanayo nelomuntu abajola naye? Awu, the imiphumela yengqondo yokuba omunye wesifazane noma umuntu alimaza kakhulu ukwedlula noma yikuphi ukusola okuvela emphakathini.

Intukuthelo elungile igcinelwe umlingani ongathembekile osebudlelwaneni. “Ezimweni eziningi, umngane womshado onganeliseki usola umngane wakhe womshado odukayo ngazo zonke izinkinga zomshado, ngisho nalezo ezingahlobene nokuqomisana.” Futhi lokhu okulandelayo akukho okuningi angakwenza ngoba ukungathembeki kubhekwa njengobugebengu obukhulu kunokuba sebuhlotsheni obufile,” kuphawula uTania.

Ingabe Abakhohlisi Bayakubona Lokho Abakulahlekele?

Impendulo yalo mbuzo inguyebo omangalisayo. Isizathu esiphelele sokuthi icala lomkhohlisi likhona nokuthi kungani abakopela bengafuni ukuthi ophathina babo bathole ukungethembeki yingoba besaba konke ukuthi bazolahlekelwa. Kodwa-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi baqaphela kuphela lokho abakulahlekele ngemva komonakalo omkhulu owenziwe.

Kwaba njalo ngo-Todd, umthengisi wotshwala oneminyaka engama-29 e-NYC. “Emsebenzini wami akuvamile ukuthi abantu baqole abantu ababalulekile, kuthe ngemuva kokuthi ngenze leli phutha elikhulu ngabona ukuthi uma wabanjwa ukukopela, umuzwa wecala, ukulahlekelwa, kanye nokuzizonda okuhambisana nakho kukuqeda amandla ngokuphelele. Leyo yimiphumela yokukopela owakwakho.

“Ngalahlekelwa umlingani wami ngokushesha ngemva kokuba etholile, futhi iminyaka eyisithupha sindawonye yaphela kanjalo,” wasitshela. Uma uke wazibuza ukuthi abakopela bake bazisole yini ngezenzo zabo, izinhlolovo zisitshela ukuthi ingxenye yabantu abakopelayo ivama ukuba necala lomkhohlisi, okungeyona into elula ukubhekana nayo.

Abakopela babona nini ukuthi benze iphutha?

Uma ulapha ngoba uqhathwe uzibuza ukuthi bacabangani abakopela, uyazi vele ukuthi iningi lamaqola liyazisola ngesinqumo abasithathile. Kodwa abakhohlisi baqaphela nini ukuthi benze iphutha? Ezimweni eziningi, lokhu kuqaphela kufika lapho ingozi yokulahlekelwa ubuhlobo babo obuyinhloko iba yinto engenzeka ngempela. Noma lapho abalingani ababili behlukana ngenxa yokungathembeki.

Kulapho imiphumela iqala ukunqwabelana lapho abakhohlisi abaningi bebona khona ukuthi benze iphutha. Kwezinye izimo, uma ukwazi ukubona izimpawu zecala lokukopela kothile, yazi ukuthi cishe baye balibona iphutha abalenzile futhi manje bakuthola kunzima ukubhekana necala lomkhohlisi.

Ngakho-ke, cha, akulona iqiniso ngempela ukuthi ukukopela kukwenza ulahlekelwe imizwa noma ukuthi abakopela abakaze bahlupheke ngenxa yezenzo zabo. Ukuqomisana kungenza umuntu oqalayo ukungena ajahe. Injabulo umkhohlisi aba nayo ingokoqobo kakhulu kodwa izinkinga eziphakama ngemva kwalokho nazo zingokoqobo ngokufanayo. Uma ukopela, umuntu olimala kakhulu ngokuvamile nguwe, ngoba umlingani wakho angase aqhubeke futhi aqale ukuphulukisa. Kodwa icala nomthwalo wemfanelo wokubangela ubuhlungu kungokwakho wedwa ukubhekana nakho. Ingabe kuwufanele ngempela lokho?

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