Ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka? Lowo kwakuwumbuzo owafika engqondweni lapho umuntu ezwa iSiphepho, ithrekhi ekhishwe nguKanye West lapho ekhuluma khona ngokungathembeki kwakhe ngesikhathi eshada nenkanyezi yangempela uKim Kardashian. Kungase kube isitatimende esinesibindi sokuvuma izono (futhi ubelokhu ecela ukubuyisana kusukela ngaleso sikhathi ngaphandle kwempumelelo enkulu).
Kodwa-ke, abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi izenzo zakhe ngemva kokuhlukana kwakhe ngokuyisisekelo ziphendule umbuzo omdala mayelana nokukhashelwa - ingabe abakhohlisi bazwa ubuhlungu ngendlela efanayo nomuntu ophila impilo yakhe edabukisayo? Impendulo elula kuyo inguyebo. Futhi kubantu abaningi, mhlawumbe ngisho nabakwaKanye, abaningi bazisola ngeqiniso.
Ezimweni eziningi, ongathembekile uthola isiphetho esifushane senduku kuyilapho umphakathi usuka kumlingani wakhe. Isibonelo, qhathanisa impendulo kaKim Kardashian kanye nokuthandana kwakhe okusha noPete Davidson ekunyatheleni uKanye akutholile ngokukopela kwakhe.
Iqiniso eliyisisekelo ukuthi umhlaba uyamzonda umuntu okhohlisayo kodwa abantu abavamile ukucabanga ukuthi ukukopela kumthinta kanjani umuntu okhohlisayo. Nakuba isiqephu sokungathembeki singaba buhlungu kakhulu emibhangqwaneni, akungabazeki ukuthi abantu abakopelayo babhekana nemiphumela yezenzo zabo, ngezinye izikhathi kakhulu kunabalingani babo. Kanjani ngempela futhi ngani? Sithola izizathu zokuhlupheka kwabakopelayo ngokubonisana nomelaphi wamazwe ngamazwe kanye nomeluleki uTania Kawood.
Ingabe Abakhohlisi Bayahlupheka? Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Ukungathembeki Kuthatha Kakhulu Kumuntu Owenzile
Okuqukethwe
Ukukhohliswa kungesinye sezenzo zokukhaphela ezilulaza kakhulu umuntu angase abhekane nazo ebuhlotsheni obuzibophezele noma emshadweni. Kodwa nakuba uzwela nozwela kuhlale kulele kumlingani okhashelwayo, bambalwa kakhulu abantu abazibuzayo: Ingabe abakhohlisi bahlupheka kakhulu njengabalingani babo?
U-Anna (igama elishintshiwe), isikhulu se-e-commerce esineminyaka engu-40, waba nezinkinga emshadweni wakhe ngesinye sezigaba zawo ezibuthakathaka. Izinto bezingahambi kahle kumyeni wakhe nokuyilapho ahlangana khona nozakwabo avele wazihlanganisa naye. Enye into yaholela kwenye futhi ngokushesha wayeseqomile.
Akusho lutho ukuthi akuphelanga sikhathi esingakanani kwavela lolu daba, lwaphazamisa umshado wakhe. U-Anna, ongashadile okwamanje, uthi: “Ngangingajabule phakathi noma ngisho nangemva kokuba ubuhlobo bami obungaphandle komshado buphelile.
Ingabe abakhohlisi bayayithola i-karma yabo, uma ubheka ubuhlungu ababubangela imindeni yabo? Yebo, bayayithola. Imizwa kanye nohambo oluhamba phambili oluthinta ubudlelwano obungaphandle komshado noma obungemthetho, kuvame ukuba nomthelela omkhulu kubantu ababandakanyeka kukho. Okokuqala, ukuba ngumkhohlisi ngemva kokukhohliswa akuyona into engavamile (eyaziwa ngokuthi ukukhohliswa kokuziphindiselela ). Futhi, inkinga ngokungathembeki ukuthi ngaphandle kokuthi umuntu abe ngumkhohlisi olandelanayo, umthelela wengqondo nowezenhlalo ungaba mubi kakhulu kuye.
Okubi nakakhulu ukuthi abakutholi ukusekelwa umndeni noma abangani futhi ngisho noma bekuthola, akuveli ngenhliziyo yonke. Ngakho-ke ngokufanelekile noma ngokungalungile, abakhohlisi bathola i-karma yabo ngandlela thize noma enye. Kuyinkohliso ukucabanga ukuthi abantu abadukayo bakuthola kulula. Nakuba isizathu sokungena esheleni singase sihluke kumuntu ngamunye, kuvamile ngabakhohlisi ukuba bazizwe benecala, benamahloni, bekhathazekile, bekhathazekile, kanye neminye imizwa engemihle.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokubuyisa Ukwethenjwa Ngemva Kokukopela: Izindlela Eziyi-12 Ngokusho Kochwepheshe
Abakopela bazizwa kanjani ngabo? UTania uthi, “Kusobala ukuthi ababona abaphile kahle noma abajabule kakhulu ngokwengqondo. Ingabe abakopele bahlupheka ngendlela efanayo nabalingani babo abaqambela amanga kubo? Ngeke sasho ngamaqiniso kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi baneziphambano zabo siqu okufanele bazithwale.
UHarry (igama elishintshiwe), usomabhizinisi, ukhuluma ngobuqotho ngesiqephu sokukopela esabhidliza umshado wakhe. “Ngake ngajola nomngani wami kodwa umthelela wawumubi kakhulu emshadweni wami njengoba umyeni wami engishiya.Kodwa okubi kakhulu ukuthi ubudlelwano engangilwe nabo umhlaba wonke abuhlalanga isikhathi eside, okwangishiya ngidabukile.Ngicabanga ukuthi, umbuzo wami waphakade – ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka – waphendulwa,” usho kanje.
UHarry ube nobudlelwano obuncane obuncane ngemuva kwesehlukaniso sakhe kodwa uthando oluhlala isikhathi eside lumbalekela. Ingabe kungenxa yothando? "Ngicabanga ukuthi kunjalo. Ngangivame ukuzibuza, "Ingabe i-karma izongithola ngokukopela?" Lapho isoka lami lingishiya, ngabona ukuthi mhlawumbe kukhona okuthiwa i-karma phela,” usho kanje.
Kafushane, abakhohlisi bayabuzwa ubuhlungu, umuzwa wecala, kanye neminye imizwa eminingi futhi ngokuvamile ukukhashelwa kubathinta ngokujulile. Nazi ezinye izindlela lapho ukungathembeki kunomthelela omubi kumuntu onecala:
1. Ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka? Icala livame ukubenza
“ Ukukhohlisa umuzwa wecala kuyimbangela enkulu yokungathembeki. Umuntu angase ajabule ngesithandwa sakhe, kodwa akukho ukubalekela umuzwa wecala wokudumaza umlingani wakhe oshadile ngokomthetho noma umlingani ozinikele. Lokhu kungathinta ngisho nokuzethemba kwakhe,” kusho uTania.
Iqiniso lokuthi ukuphinga akwamukeleki kwamasiko amaningi futhi kuvame ukubukelwa phansi njengobuhlungu obubi kakhulu ongabuzwisa umlingani wakho liwumthwalo kakhulu umqondo womkhohlisi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kunokucindezeleka kokuqhubeka nokuqomisana ngeqili. Kuyo yonke imiphumela yokungathembeki kumkhohlisi, iqiniso lokuthi baphila nomthwalo wokukopela lilimaza impilo yabo engokwengqondo.
2. Ungase ube nokuthambekela kokukopela futhi
Abaningi abakhohlisayo bavame ukuthethelela ukuziphatha kwabo njengesiqephu esisodwa esibangelwa izinkinga ezithile emshadweni wabo. Kodwa njengoba besho, "Uma umuntu engumkhohlisi, uhlala ephindaphinda." Asikho isiqinisekiso sokuthi ngeke ukuphinde lokho futhi kuba nzima kumlingani wakho ukuthi akwethembe.
“Ubudlelwano obuningi obuzalwa ngaphandle kwezindaba abuhlali ngaso sonke isikhathi ngenxa yalesi sizathu. Ezimweni eziningi (hhayi zonke), ukungathembeki kubangelwa ukungakwazi ukumelana nezithembiso noma ukuthwala umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zabo. Ukungazethembi nokwesaba kwabo kudlala indima enkulu ekunqumeni ukuthi obunye ubudlelwano babo bakha kanjani,” kusho uTania.
Uma beqhubeka nokwenza iphutha elifanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe, ingabe abakopelayo bake bazisole ngezenzo zabo ? Yiqiniso. Ingabe kuyiqiniso ukuthi ukukopela kukwenza ulahlekelwe imizwa futhi bazizwe bengasaboni imiphumela lapho bebanjwa bekopela? Akunjalo ngempela. Abakopelayo bazizwa kanjani ngabo? Iningi labakopelayo abaphindaphindayo livame ukuba nenzondo ngezindlela zabo zokungathembeki futhi lizwa imiphumela yokungathembeki kumkopelayo ngokugcwele.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuqeda Udaba – Uchwepheshe Uphakamisa Isu Eliphelele Lezinyathelo Eziyi-9
3. Ukwesaba i-karma kuhlasela kakhulu
Kubize ngemiphumela engokomoya yokukopela, kodwa labo abenza ukuphinga bavame ukuvinjezelwa ukwesaba i-karma. Ingabe abakhohlisi bayayithola i-karma yabo? Lona kungase kube umbuzo we-esoteric ongenazo izimpendulo ezifanele kodwa akukho ukubalekela umthwalo wokungabi nandaba nokwesaba.
“Ngithembe uma ngikutshela ukuthi imiphumela yokukopela koshade naye ayiqali lapho bethola ngokungethembeki kwakho, iqala ngomzuzu nje uwenza ngayo,” kusho u-Albert, unjiniyela wama-software oneminyaka engu-32 ubudala waseCalifornia. “Ngemva kokukhohlisa umlingani wami, ngacabanga ukuthi ngizokwazi ukudlula icala nokwesaba enganginakho.” Ekugcineni, umuzwa wecala nokwesaba yikho okwangenza ngivume,” uyanezela.
Abakhwabanisi babhekana nemiphumela yokukhashelwa kwabo ngoba isenzo sibangela ubuhlungu obukhulu kubalingani babo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, unembeza wabo uyabahlaba, ikakhulukazi uma ubuhlobo babungeyona inkinga. Ngakho-ke labo abazitika ngobuhlobo bobulili lapho bekholelwa ukuthi akulungile ngokokuziphatha bazothola kunzima ukuphila ngemiphumela yezenzo zabo. Kubantu abanjalo, imiphumela engokomoya yokukopela ingase ibe mibi kakhulu kuneyomthetho (uma abashade nabo bethatha indlela esemthethweni).
4. Umndeni wakho nawo uyahlupheka
Ukungathembeki komuntu kulimaza hhayi kuphela umlingani wakhe kodwa nomndeni wonke. Kuvamile ukuthi umlingani olimele abe umkhohlisi ngemva kokukhohliswa. Futhi, lapho kunezingane ezihilelekile, isiqephu sokukhaphela kanye nezimpi ezilandelanayo eziphakama nakanjani lapho ukukopela kudalulwa kungalimaza izingane.
“Kuyayenga ukuzibuza ukuthi, ingabe abakhohlisi bahlupheka kakhulu noma abalingani babo? Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi ngaphezu komkhohlisi noma umlingani, ngabantwana abahlupheka kakhulu. Imiphumela yokungathembeki ezinganeni ingaba isikhathi eside futhi ingashintsha umbono wabo womhlaba wonke ngobudlelwano,” kusho uTania. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuhlupheka komndeni mhlawumbe kuyimpendulo yokuthi: Ingabe abakhohlisi bathola i-karma yabo?
5. Amazinga okucindezeleka ayanda
Lapho ungena ebuhlotsheni obungemthetho wazi, injabulo yokuqala yesithelo esenqatshelwe isheshe ithathelwe indawo ukucindezeleka nokuphelelwa ithemba. Ukugcina ubuhlobo bungaphansi kokugoqa, ukwesaba ukubanjwa, kanye necala lokukopela kungathatha yonke intokozo yendaba.
Bacabangani abakhohlisi? Umkhohlisi uvame ukungena phakathi kwemizwa eminingi lapho ethola khona uthando oluningi kwisithandwa sakhe futhi abhekane nenzondo edlulele kanye nentukuthelo evela kwabashade nabo (uma ebanjiwe). Konke kuholela emizweni eyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu ezothinta ezinye izici zempilo yabo njengomsebenzi nomsebenzi.
6. Isici sangaphambili asisoze sasuka
Ingabe abakhohlisi bayamkhumbula owayeshade naye? Ngaphandle bangase bathi cha, kodwa kwenye indawo owayeshade naye uzohlala efihla isithunzi. Kunzima ukubalekela iqiniso lokuthi baqambe amanga noma baphule izifungo zomshado noma izithembiso zobuhlobo obuzibophezele. Ngaphezu kwalokho, emindenini eminingi, ngisho nasemshadweni ongasebenzi kahle , ngumlingani oshadile ngokusemthethweni othola ukwesekwa umndeni omkhulu.
Abakopela babona nini ukuthi benze iphutha? Lapho bengagcini nje ngokulimaza umngane wabo womshado kodwa nomkhaya wakubo, kuhlanganise nezingane zakubo nabazali, yilapho kuqala khona ukuqaphela. Lapho konke lokhu kuqala ukwenzeka, babona umonakalo abawudalile.
7. Ukukopela kuba nomthelela omubi ebudlelwaneni besikhathi esizayo
Esinye isici okungakaze kukhulunywe ngaso kakhulu umthelela ukukopela okuba nawo ebudlelwaneni besikhathi esizayo bomkhohlisi. Zama ngangokunokwenzeka ukufakazela okuhlukile, kunzima kunoma ubani ukuthemba umuntu oqambe amanga futhi wakhaphela umlingani wakhe.
“Esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko ezangenza ngahlukana nesoka lami ukuthi lalivame ukungigcona ngokungathembeki kwami lapho sixabene.” Wayenovalo lokuthi njengoba ngangingangabazi ukukopela umyeni wami, nami ngangingase ngimshiye,” kuvuma u-Anna. Ngakho, ingabe abakopela bayahlupheka? Kubonakala sengathi ubuhlobo babo obuyinhloko abugcini nje ngokuwohloka, kodwa bayaqhubeka nokuhlupheka ngisho nangemva kokuphishekela abalingani abasha.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-9 Zokuthi Amadoda Angathembeki Ahlale Eshadile
8. Uyohlale wehlulelwa
Ngeshwa, emkhakheni wobudlelwano, abakhohlisi abatholi ithuba elilula. Uma isenzo sokungathembeki sesiyaziwa umphakathi, uhlala wahlulelwa ngaleyo ndlela, usolwa futhi uhlukunyezwe. Ingabe abakhohlisi babhekene necala elifanayo nomuntu abathandana naye? Nokho, imiphumela yengqondo yokuba ngomunye wesifazane noma indoda ilimaza kakhulu kunanoma yikuphi ukusolwa okuvela emphakathini.
Intukuthelo elungile igcinelwe umlingani ongathembekile osebudlelwaneni. “Ezimweni eziningi, umngane womshado onganeliseki usola umngane wakhe womshado odukayo ngazo zonke izinkinga zomshado, ngisho nalezo ezingahlobene nokuqomisana.” Futhi lokhu okulandelayo akukho okuningi angakwenza ngoba ukungathembeki kubhekwa njengobugebengu obukhulu kunokuba sebuhlotsheni obufile,” kuphawula uTania.
Ingabe Abakhohlisi Bayakubona Lokho Abakulahlekele?
Impendulo yalo mbuzo inguyebo omangalisayo. Isizathu esiphelele sokuthi icala lomkhohlisi likhona nokuthi kungani abakopela bengafuni ukuthi ophathina babo bathole ukungethembeki yingoba besaba konke ukuthi bazolahlekelwa. Kodwa-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi baqaphela kuphela lokho abakulahlekele ngemva komonakalo omkhulu owenziwe.
Kwakunjalo ngoTodd, umthengisi weziphuzo oneminyaka engu-29 ubudala e-NYC. “Emsebenzini wami, akuvamile ukuthi abantu bakhohlise abanye abantu ababalulekile. Kwakungemva kokuba ngenze leli phutha elikhulu lapho ngiqaphela khona ukuthi uma ubanjwa ukopela , umuzwa wecala, ukulahlekelwa, kanye nokuzizonda okuhambisana nakho kuyakuqeda amandla ngokuphelele. Leyo imiphumela yokukopela oshade naye.
“Ngalahlekelwa umlingani wami ngokushesha ngemva kokuba etholile, futhi iminyaka eyisithupha sindawonye yaphela kanjalo,” wasitshela. Uma uke wazibuza ukuthi abakopela bake bazisole yini ngezenzo zabo, izinhlolovo zisitshela ukuthi ingxenye yabantu abakopelayo ivama ukuba necala lomkhohlisi, okungeyona into elula ukubhekana nayo.
Abakopela babona nini ukuthi benze iphutha?
Uma ulapha ngoba uqhathwe uzibuza ukuthi bacabangani abakopela, uyazi vele ukuthi iningi lamaqola liyazisola ngesinqumo abasithathile. Kodwa abakhohlisi baqaphela nini ukuthi benze iphutha? Ezimweni eziningi, lokhu kuqaphela kufika lapho ingozi yokulahlekelwa ubuhlobo babo obuyinhloko iba yinto engenzeka ngempela. Noma lapho abalingani ababili behlukana ngenxa yokungathembeki.
Kulapho imiphumela iqala ukunqwabelana lapho abakhohlisi abaningi bebona khona ukuthi benze iphutha. Kwezinye izimo, uma ukwazi ukubona izimpawu zecala lokukopela kothile, yazi ukuthi cishe baye balibona iphutha abalenzile futhi manje bakuthola kunzima ukubhekana necala lomkhohlisi.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Ukukopela akuthinti nje umlingani oqhathwe naye, umkhohlisi uvame ukubhekana nemiphumela
- Umphumela omkhulu kunabo bonke abakhohlisi ababhekana nakho yicala lomkhohlisi, ukwesaba i-karma, nokwesaba ukulahlekelwa yikho konke abanakho.
- Abakhwabanisi bavame ukuqaphela ukuthi balahlekelwe yini ngemva kwawo wonke umonakalo
Ngakho-ke, cha, akulona iqiniso ngempela ukuthi ukukopela kukwenza ulahlekelwe imizwa noma ukuthi abakopela abakaze bahlupheke ngenxa yezenzo zabo. Ukuqomisana kungenza umuntu oqalayo ukungena ajahe. Injabulo umkhohlisi aba nayo ingokoqobo kakhulu kodwa izinkinga eziphakama ngemva kwalokho nazo zingokoqobo ngokufanayo. Uma ukopela, umuntu olimala kakhulu ngokuvamile nguwe, ngoba umlingani wakho angase aqhubeke futhi aqale ukuphulukisa. Kodwa icala nomthwalo wemfanelo wokubangela ubuhlungu kungokwakho wedwa ukubhekana nakho. Ingabe kuwufanele ngempela lokho?
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Abakhohlisi bavame ukukhathazeka ngokukhohliswa mhlawumbe ngaphezu kwalokho umlingani othembekile akhathazeka ngakho ngokukhohliswa. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi njengoba abalingani abakhohlisayo bengakwazi ukuzethemba ukuthi bangakhohlisi futhi bengathembekile kumlingani wabo njalo, bazocabanga ukuthi umlingani wabo uyindlela efanayo kubo. Ngakho-ke, bangase babe ne-paranoid ngaphezu kokujwayelekile.
Ezimweni eziningi, abakhohlisi bavame ukungavikeleki kakhulu, abakwazi ukulawula izifiso zabo, futhi bavame ukuba nengqondo yesisulu. Yiqiniso, lokho akudingekile ukuba kube njalo kuwo wonke umkhohlisi.
Izindaba Eziku-inthanethi Zilungisa Kabusha Umbono Wokwethembeka Emshadweni Wesimanje
Bengithandana Nendoda Eshadile Futhi Benginethemba Lokuthi Kuyoze Kudlule...
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
