Izizathu Ezingu-9 Zokukopela Amadoda Ahlala Eshadile

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Umama useneminyaka engaphezu kwengu-45 engumthetho womndeni. Noma nini lapho ngihlangana namanye amacala akhe esehlukaniso, ngiye ngizibuze ukuthi “Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile?” Ngokuqinisekile, akusona isinqumo esilula ukuqeda umshado. Kodwa kufanele kube nezizathu eziqinile ezenza kube nzima ukuthi amadoda ashiye imishado ngisho noma engajabule ngempela kuwo.

Ukuqonda ukuthi kungani amadoda ekhohlisa kwasekuqaleni kubalulekile ukuze kutholakale ukuthi kungani abakopelayo behlala ebudlelwaneni. Izibalo zibonisa ukuthi amadoda anamathuba amaningi okukopela kunabesifazane. Ngokusho kwe-General Social Survey , “amaphesenti angamashumi amabili amadoda akopela uma kuqhathaniswa namaphesenti ayi-13 abesifazane.” Kodwa kuyiphutha elivamile ukuthi amadoda akopela ngoba nje enesithukuthezi noma engenakho ukuzithiba. Phela, abantu abavuki ngolunye usuku bathi, “Namuhla kubonakala sengathi usuku oluhle lokukopela umlingani wami.” Kunezindlela eziyinkimbinkimbi ezifaka isandla kulokhu kuziphatha.

Amadoda ngokuvamile athambekele ekufakeni imizwa yawo ngaphakathi. Ngisho noma beyidinga, abazi ukuthi bangacela kanjani ukwazisa. Lokhu kungaholela ekubeni nomuzwa ojulile wokunganeliseki okuyisizathu ngokuvamile esenza amadoda abe nama-mistress. Ongoti bathi ukukopela kuvame ukukhetha umuntu osuthiswe yimpilo jikelele noma ikakhulukazi umshado wakhe futhi ongaxhumene kakhulu nomuntu athandana naye. Lapho othile ezizwa edabukile nsuku zonke, ukukopela kungase kuzwakale njengokushintsha kwejubane okulingayo. Kwabanye, ukukopela ngokuzenzekelayo kusho ukuphela kobudlelwane. Kodwa amathuba angempela okuthi uzokwazi ukuqeda ubuhlobo ancike ezicini ezihlukahlukene. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukukopela akusona isipikili sokugcina.

Ukuze siqonde kangcono ukuthi kungani abakhohlisi behlala ebudlelwaneni nokuthi kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile, siphendukele kumqeqeshi wezempilo ngokomzwelo kanye nokuqaphela uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekiswe kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngokobulili obungaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, kanye nokulahlekelwa.

Izizathu Ezingu-9 Zokukopela Amadoda Ahlala Eshadile

Okuqukethwe

UJames - engisebenza naye - wayeshade nomkakhe iminyaka engu-20. Babenendodakazi ndawonye. Ubelokhu emkhohlisa iminyaka engu-10 edlule. Ngolunye usuku, wavuka enomuzwa wecala kungazelelwe, ongabekezeleleki. Watshela umkakhe ngokungathembeki kwakhe nangendlela abejola ngayo nalo wesifazane iminyaka. Wacasuka wambuza ukuthi kungani eshadelwe uma sekunesikhathi eside emqola. Wamangala lapho uJames engayazi impendulo.

Uma kukhulunywa ngokukopela abayeni, kunemibono eyiphutha eminingi. Abanye abantu bangase bathi umyeni uyigwala nje futhi akanaso isibindi sokuwuqeda umshado. Abanye bakholelwa ukuthi inkosikazi ithethelela kakhulu. Nokho, iqiniso alivamile ukwenziwa lula kangaka. Yonke indoda nayo yonke imishado ihlukile, ngakho azikho izimpendulo ezilula embuzweni othi “Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile?”

Nokho, izizathu ezihlukahlukene zokuthi kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile ngokuvamile zibangelwa inhlanganisela yecala, ukwesaba, nokunamathela kumngane womshado. Bheka uhlu lwezizathu ezihlanganiswe ngezansi ezingase zichaze ukuthi kungani imibhangqwana ekhohlisayo ihlala ndawonye.

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1. Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile? Ukwesaba isizungu

Abakhohlisi abaningi bayimiphefumulo engaphumuli enesidingo esiqhubekayo sokwamukelwa ngaphandle. Ukukopela kunwaya ukulunywa kwabo ngenxa yokuthi bayakufisa okungenzeka ukuthi akukho emgudwini wansuku zonke wothando lwangempela. Kodwa lapho kuziwa ekukhetheni, bakhungathekiswa ukwesaba ukulahlwa. Banovalo lokuthi uma beshonelwa umkabo nomndeni bazogcina sebesele bodwa. Lokhu kwesaba isizungu ngokuvamile kwanele ukugcina abayeni bekhohlisa ukuze bahlale beshadile.

UPooja uyachaza, “Umndeni nomshado ngokuvamile kuyizinto ezihlala isikhathi eside empilweni yomuntu. Futhi amadoda ayazi ukuthi isehlukaniso sizothatha kokubili. Umshado wawo ubanikeza umuzwa wokulondeka ngokumelene nesizungu esingokwemvelo sempilo yendoda.”

2. Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile? Amahloni nomuzwa wecala

Iningi lamadoda alikwazi ukubhekana nobunzima obungokomzwelo kanye nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuhambisana nesehlukaniso. Iningi labo lingathanda ukuhlala emshadweni ongasebenzi kahle kunokubhekana nomphumela. Bayazi ukuthi izinto zizophazamiseka futhi zibe zimbi futhi abafuni ukubhekana namahloni kanye nomuzwa wecala ohambisana nalokhu.

UPooja ulandisa ngendaba efanayo, “Ngahlangana nalo muntu owayeqole umkakhe nabesifazane abaningi. Wayephuma emndenini ongakaze usibone isehlukaniso. Unina wayesabise ngokuthi uzomhlukanisa nawo wonke umndeni wakubo uma eshiya umkakhe.

3. Ukubuyiselwa kwezimali

Ayinangqondo lena. Akekho ofuna ukunikeza omunye umuntu uhhafu wezinto zakhe, ingasaphathwa eyalowo owayengunkosikazi wakhe. Ukukhokha imali yesondlo kanye nesondlo sengane ngemva kwesehlukaniso kungaba yingozi enkulu kwezezimali zanoma yimuphi umuntu. Akumangalisi ukuthi abanye abakhohlisayo bakhetha ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni kunesehlukaniso futhi bakhokhe.

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4. Banamathele kakhulu kumngane womshado

Ngokuvamile abesifazane babonakala belangazelela uthando olungekho emshadweni . Sivame ukukhohlwa ukuthi namadoda ayaludinga. Uma amadoda enabalingani, akusikho njalo ukufaka abafazi babo esikhundleni sabo. Ngokuvamile kuba ukuzishintsha bona ngokwabo ngezingane zabo ezincane.

Amadoda avame ukukopela ngoba ecikwa yilokho asebeyikho. Lokhu akusho ukuthi abasawathandi amakhosikazi abo. Lapho kuphakama umbuzo wesahlukaniso, abayeni abakhohlisayo bazithola besondelene kakhulu nomkabo ukuba babayeke bahambe. Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile? Kulula. Abafuni ukuyeka uthando lwabo lweqiniso.

imibhangqwana ekhohlisayo ihlala ndawonye — Ibanga ebudlelwaneni

5. Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile? Ngenhlalakahle yezingane

Lesi yisizathu esivame kakhulu esenza imibhangqwana ekhohlisayo ihlale ndawonye. Uma kukhulunywa ngemishado nesehlukaniso, izingane zishintshashintsha. Ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu ababili bumayelana nokuhlangabezana nezidingo nezifiso zomunye nomunye. Umbhangqwana akufanele ukhathazeke nganoma yini ngaphandle kwesibopho sabo somunye nomunye. Kodwa lapho izingane zingena esithombeni, i-equation ishintsha ngokuphelele. Ngoba manje umbhangqwana usunomuntu omthanda ngaphezu kwabo, umlingani wabo, nanoma yini enye.

Nakuba izingane zivame ukuba yizinto ezibaluleke kakhulu kumama - isizathu esikhulu sokuthi abafazi abakhohlisayo bahlale beshadile - obaba nabo banesibopho esifanayo. Ngakho-ke kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umyeni okhohlisayo uzizwa kanjani ngomkakhe, uma ekholelwa ukuthi izingane zakhe azikwazi ukubhekana nesehlukaniso ngaleso sikhathi, angakhetha ukuhlala eshadile.

6. Bacabanga ukuthi bangashintsha!

UPooja uthi, “Hhayi-ke, akuvamile ukuba abantu babe nezikhathi zobuthakathaka. Banalobu buhlobo ngaphandle komshado phakathi nesikhathi esishubile ngokomzwelo. Kamuva unembeza wabo uyabahlasela futhi bafuna ukulungisa. Abanye bakhetha ukuvuma izono kuyilapho abanye bephika.”

Lolu hlobo lwakamuva luvame ukuziqinisekisa ukuthi kwakuyinto yesikhathi esisodwa kuphela futhi ngeke iphinde yenzeke. Bahlela ukuzinikela nakakhulu kumkabo esikhathini esizayo, babe umyeni ongcono, futhi ngethemba, bangabe besahamba ngendlela efanayo. Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile? Ngoba banethemba lokuba amadoda afuna ukuba yibona.

7. Bacabanga ukuthi bangaphunyula

Amanye amadoda akholelwa ukuthi angagcina izindaba zawo zifihliwe emhlabeni, noma okungenani kumakhosikazi awo, kuze kube sekugcineni. Laba madoda abazizwa benecala lapho bekhohlisa omkawo. Futhi unembeza wabo awubenzi bahlupheke ngokwanele ukuba bacabangele ukuvuma. Kulula kakhulu ngalolu hlobo lomyeni okhohlisayo: lokho umfazi angakwazi, akunakumlimaza. Pho kungani eshintsha izinto uma zihamba kahle? Abaqapheli ukuthi izindaba eziningi zitholakala ngokushesha noma kamuva.

8. Akunamiphumela kuye

Ucwaningo lwaseRutgers University luthi ama-56% amadoda akhohlisayo ajabule emishadweni yawo. Anelisekile ngesimo samanje futhi awafisi ukushintsha. Naphezu kokuzithola esembhedeni nabanye besifazane, awakaze azithole esemanzini ashisayo namakhosikazi awo.

UPooja uthi, “Ngisho nanamuhla, amadoda amaningi ashadelwe amalungelo. Okusho ukuthi, akholelwa ukuthi umkawo uyobabekezelela ngisho noma ebanjwe ekhohlisa.

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9. Kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala eshadile? Bajabulela ukuphila okumbaxa-mbili

UPooja uthi, “Lokhu kufana nokudla ikhekhe labo futhi ulidle. Abanye abantu bajabulela nje injabulo yokuphinga nokudlala indoda efanelekayo yomfazi.

Manje njengoba sesixoxile ukuthi kungani amadoda akhohlisayo ehlala emshadweni, umbuzo osalayo, kufanele enzeni amakhosikazi? Ngezinye izikhathi isehlukaniso siwukuphela kwenketho esele. Ngezinye izikhathi ubuhlobo bungagcinwa. Nakuba ukungathembeki kungase kubangele isehlukaniso, umshado ungaqina lapho umbhangqwana unquma ukulungisa ubuhlobo. Imibhangqwana eminingi iyaqhubeka nokusebenza emshadweni wabo ngemva kokuba umlingani okhohlisayo ehlanzekile.

Ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana kungasiza ekwakheni kabusha ukwethembana, ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana kanye nokusondelana, futhi kudale umbono ofanayo wesikhathi esizayo. Ngaphandle kokungavumelani okungenakuguqulwa, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo, abelaphi bathi imibhangqwana inethuba elihle lokunqoba usizi lokungathembeki. Ngokwelulekwa kochwepheshe kanye nokuzimisela kokubili ukusindisa umshado, ungagwema usizi olubuhlungu lwesehlukaniso. Mhlawumbe ukwelulekwa ngokuphinga kuyasebenza, mhlawumbe akwenzi, kodwa bambalwa abantu abazisola ngokuya ekwelashweni. Xhumana nephaneli yethu yochwepheshe bese uzitholela wena.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Kungani amakhosikazi ehlala nabayeni abangathembekile?

Kwabesifazane abaningi, isigaba sokusola sokuphinga siyingxenye embi kakhulu. Ukuthola ukuthi imizwa yabo engokwemvelo yayilungile kubanikeza umuzwa wokulinganisela futhi ngezinye izikhathi kubavumela ukuba bamukele isimo. Futhi, abesifazane bathambekele ekuzigxekeni futhi ngokuvamile bazisole ngokungethembeki kwabayeni babo. Ngaphezu kwalezi zizathu ezishiwo ngenhla, amadoda amaningi anamandla amakhulu angokomzwelo nangokwezimali emishadweni yendabuko, ngezinye izikhathi ephoqa amakhosikazi ukuba ahlale nabayeni abangathembekile.

2. Ingabe indoda ingamthanda umkayo kodwa ibe ikhohlisa?

“Indoda ekhohlisayo izizwa kanjani ngomkayo?” umbuzo ohlupha abesifazane abaningi ngemva kokuthola ngokuphinga kwabalingani babo. Impela, ukusabela kokuqala ukushaqeka, ukukhashelwa, kanye nentukuthelo. Kodwa uma isikhathi sidlula, abesifazane abaningi bayazibuza ukuthi abayeni babo bake babathanda yini. Uma sikhuluma iqiniso, lokhu kungahamba noma yikuphi. Indoda ingase ithande umfazi kodwa igcine ikhohlisa ngesikhathi sokushisa. Noma kungenzeka ukuthi imane yaphelelwa uthando nayo ngaphambi kokwenza lesi senzo. Konke kuncike esimweni somshado kanye nendawo yengqondo yomyeni.

3. Ingabe abakopela bayazisola ngokukopela?

Ezimweni eziningi, yebo, abakhohlisi bayazisola ngokukopela . Noma ngokunembile, bazisola ngokulimaza umlingani wabo nomndeni wabo. Kodwa kunezimo, lapho umyeni engaba yisiphingi esiphindaphindayo esiye sahileleka ezindabeni eziningi ngaphandle komshado. Kubantu abanjalo, ukukopela kuyinto evamile. Abakwazi ukuzisola noma sebejwayele kakhulu kangangokuthi abasakhathali. Icebo liwukuthola uhlobo lomuntu obhekene naye ezimweni zokukopela.

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