Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Ukuthandana Kwakho Kuphelile (Futhi Kuhle)

Kuhlale kunezimpawu zokuthi ukuthi udaba lwakho seluphelile, noma nini lapho ubudlelwano banoma yiluphi uhlobo sebufika esiphethweni. I-intuition yakho ikutshela ukuthi kwenzekani, kuphela uma uqaphe ngokwanele ukuthi uyinake. Yize iningi labantu lingabheki njengento engathi sína ngokwemvelo, umbhangqwana ohileleke ebudlelwaneni ubhekana nokucindezeleka okukhulu ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.

I-Journal of Sex Research yashicilela ucwaningo olwaluthi, “Besilokhu sinesithakazelo ezizathwini zokungathembeki.” Bathole ukuthi isizathu esivame kakhulu sokuba abantu abashadile noma abantu abasebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele baqale ukuthandana kwakungenxa yokuzizwa benganelisekile ngomlingani wabo oyinhloko.

Ziningi izimpawu ezisobala zokuthi udaba lwenu seluphelile noma seluya ngasemaphethelweni njengokuthi uma umaqondana wakho ehosha. Noma uma uqaphela noma imaphi amathemba ekusasa angase abe angekho etafuleni. Kule bhulogi, uzothola izinkomba ezinjalo eziyi-15 zichazwe ngokuningiliziwe ukukusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi kufanele yini ukhathazeke ngokuthi ukuphela kwakho kuzophela noma cha.

Ngokuvamile Ziphela Kanjani Izindaba?

Izindaba zothando ziyizinhlobo ezimbili ikakhulukazi - ubudlelwano obuvamile ngaphandle komshado noma ubudlelwano obungebona obesibopho, futhi zombili ziqalwa ngenxa yezizathu zomuntu siqu ezihlukile kumuntu ngamunye. Ngokuvamile, lapho lezo zimo zixazululwa noma uma uthola omunye umuntu, izingxoxo zothando zingase zilahlekelwe ubuhle bazo futhi ziphele ngokuhlukana. Ngisho noma abantu besabela futhi bebhekana nokuphela kwezindaba zabo ngendlela ehlukile, kungashiwo ngokuphepha ukuthi ukuphela kwezingxoxo zothando kubathinta ngokomzwelo bobabili. U-Amanda Robson, umbhali othengiswa kakhulu we-Sunday Times, uthe, “Ayikho into efana nezingxoxo zothando engasho lutho.” Kwezinye izimo, abalingani bezingxoxo zothando bangase bathandane.

Ithimba Lokuhlela le-ReGain esihlokweni salo likhuluma ngokuthi, “Ukuthi ukuqomisana ngaphandle komshado kuhlala isikhathi esingakanani kuyahlukahluka: cishe u-50% ungahlala phakathi kwesikhathi senyanga eyodwa kuya onyakeni, ukuqomisana kwesikhathi eside kungahlala cishe izinyanga ezingu-15 noma ngaphezulu, kanti cishe u-30% wokuqomisana uhlala cishe iminyaka emibili nangaphezulu.” Kodwa noma ngabe kwenzekani, ukuqomisana kuvame ukuphela. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kugcina sekuyinto esemthethweni kakhulu futhi engcono, noma kuphela unomphela, kuyisihloko esihlukile.

• Ngokusho kocwaningo oluphelele esihlokweni eshicilelwe ku-TheHealthyJournal, kunezindlela ezintathu ezingaba khona zokuthi ukuphela kuphele:
  Endabeni yokuqonywa ngaphandle komshado, kungaholela ekwehlukaniseni nowakwakhe bese kushada lowo othandana naye
• Ukuhlukana nomuntu othandana naye ukuze utshale kabusha umshado futhi uwenze ube ngcono nakho kuwukuphela okungase kube isiphetho sokuqomisana ngaphandle komshado
• Esimeni sobudlelwano obujwayelekile, ukuqomisana kungaphela ngobudlelwano obusemthethweni noma umuntu alahlwe umlingani wakhe.

Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Ukuthandana Kwakho Kuphelile

Kwesinye isikhathi, ukuphela kobudlelwano kuyashesha futhi kucace ngokwemvelo uma umlingani wezothando eqondile futhi ecacile ngokwanele ekukhulumisaneni kwabo ngenkathi behlukana. Kepha uma kubhekwa uhlobo lwezindaba, ukuxhumana okuthembekile okukhomba ekugcineni komdlalo kungase kungabi lula kakhulu ukukuthola. Uma ubona umlingani wakho othandana naye ephelelwa isithakazelo futhi ungabaza ikusasa lendaba yenu, bheka uhlu olungezansi ukuze ubeke iso ukuze ubone izimpawu zokuthi indaba yakho isiphelile.

1. Azisekho izinkulumo zekusasa

Ukuqala kothando mhlawumbe kuyajabulisa kakhulu kunanoma iyiphi enye ingxenye. Ukulindela, ukuhlela, ukufuna ukuchitha isikhathi esingcono ndawonye yikho konke okwenzeka engqondweni yakho neyomlingani wakho. Wenza izinhlelo ezingapheli mayelana nesidlo sasemini, izidlo zakusihlwa, ukubhukha amakamelo ehhotela ukuze niphumule ngempelaviki, phakathi kwezinye izinto.

Kodwa-ke, ifulegi lakho elibomvu lokuqala nelisobala kakhulu yilapho ukuhlela kubonakala sengathi akuzange kunciphe kodwa sekufike esiphethweni ngokuphelele. Kungase kufane nesimo somngane wami uSharon. Wathi, “Bengizama ukunquma naye ukuthi ngizoya kuphi ukuze ngidle isidlo sakusihlwa, futhi umlingani engangithandana naye wanginqamula, wathi kufanele abe ndawana thize ngalobo busuku, wayesehamba.”

2. Uza nezizathu ezengeziwe zokugwema ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye

Kuyinto eyodwa ukuqala ukungabaza ikusasa lendaba yakho uma umlingani wakho eshaya indiva ingxenye yabo yokubandakanyeka. Kodwa kungenye into ekhathazayo uma uqala ukwesaba isikhathi osichitha nomlingani wakho. Ukuthi umbona kangaki umaqondana wakho nokuthi ucabange kangaki ukwenza izaba zokugwema ukuzibona ngezinsuku kuyimibuzo okufanele uziphendulele yona.

Ukugwema umlingani wakho womshado kungabonakala kanje:

• Ngokuzigwema, uzama ukugwema ukukhathazeka nokungaqiniseki mayelana nesiphetho esingaba khona sendaba.
• Bamatasatasa kakhulu ukuthi bangahlanganyela nawe kodwa ngokuzumayo bamatasatasa nabanye abantu ezimpilweni zabo 'njengomngane' omusha, noma abashade nabo/izingane zabo.
• Nobabili nigwema okuningi noma ukwenza izinhlelo, ngisho nokulula njengezinsuku zesidlo sasemini noma zedina
• Izinkulumo zenu ocingweni sezihambile ekubeni nibuzana njalo ukuthi zihambe kanjani izinsuku zomunye nomunye ukuze nithintane nje kokuthile okubalulekile
• Uqaphela imibhalo yakho eminingi ishaywa indiva kunangaphambili

Ukufunda Okuhlobene : Izimpawu Eziyi-13 Eziqinisekile Zokuthi Ubuhlobo Obungahleliwe Buya Ngokungathi Sikahle

3. Usuqale ukungabaza ngaphezu kwalokho obukade uthembele kukho

Izindaba zinemithetho eminingi okungakhulunywanga ngayo kodwa okuvunyelwene ngayo. Okunye kwakho ukuthi isimo esingekho emthethweni nesiyimfihlo sobudlelwano sishiya izinto eziningi zilenga esilinganisweni, nokuthi bobabili abantu kufanele bakwamukele lokho. Okufana nokwenza izinhlelo zomzuzu wokugcina noma ukukhansela izinhlelo esezenziwe ngomzuzu wokugcina noma ukuphuza imvula.

Ngakho-ke, noma kulindelekile ukuthi ungazi ukuthi umlingani wakho othandana naye wenzani njalo ngeminithi yosuku, izinguquko ezingajwayelekile ekuziphatheni kwakhe zingadala ukungabaza. Kuba nzima kakhulu lapho ukungabaza kwakho kuqhubeka nokushuba futhi umlingani wakho othandana naye engakuxazululi noma angayiphenduli imibuzo yakho ngakubo.

4. Ukucasuka kuyavela futhi akusetshenzwa

Ukucasuka akunakugwenywa lapho ubuhlobo bufika endleleni enzima. Akudingeki kuqedwe ubudlelwano kodwa uma lokho kucasuka kungaxazululwa, ngokuqinisekile kungaxazululwa. Uma ubudlelwano bubucayi futhi bobabili abalingani bezimisele ukuxazulula izinkinga, kungase kube nendlela yokuphuma ecasukweni. Kodwa-ke, abanye abantu babambelela ecasukweni ngenxa yokuthambekela kobudlova. Kwezinye izimo, abalingani babo bangase bangathandi ukushintsha ukuziphatha okubangela ukucasuka. Kunoma ikuphi, ukuhlukana kobudlelwano kuba yinto engenakugwenywa.

Ngokusho kwesihloko sikaKalpana Nadimpalli, ophothule izifundo zesiNgisi neze-Psychology, “… inzondo ebudlelwaneni ifana nokuzigwaza unethemba lokuthi isitha sakho sizolimala. Futhi lapho inzondo ingaxazululwa, izinkinga ziyanda kangangokuthi akekho kini ongathola indlela yokuyilungisa. Ngokuvamile okubizwa ngokuthi ‘umdlavuza’ wobudlelwano, inzondo idla umongo wanoma yiluphi ubudlelwano; iqeda ukwethembana, ukuthembeka, nothando.”

• Ukucasuka kungase kuphakame lapho wena, umlingani wakho othandana naye, noma nobabili niqala ukugcina amaphuzu amaphutha omunye nomunye futhi niwaveze kamuva ezingxabanweni ukuze nibeke phansi omunye nomunye.
• Ukucasuka kungase kuphakame ngenxa yezinye izizathu eziningi njengokuzizwa ungezwakali noma uthathwa njengobalulekile endabeni
• Uma ukuqomisana kubucayi ekuqaleni, khona-ke ukucasuka kungase futhi kube umphumela wokuhoxa ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo komunye wenu.

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5. Izinhloso zakho azihambelani futhi akukho ukuvumelana

Ezimweni eziningi, lapho kukhona uthando nokwethembana okuningi phakathi kozakwethu, kusengaba khona ukungqubuzana mayelana nemigomo engahlelekile yekusasa. Imigomo yakho yomuntu siqu ingakuholela phansi endleleni lapho ungakwazi khona ukuhamba ndawonye ngemva kwephoyinti. Ekuqaleni, likhona ithemba ngezingxoxo nokuvumelana, kodwa ekugcineni, alikho igumbi lokunyakazisa elisele. Imigomo yakho yomuntu ngamunye ibaluleke kakhulu ngokuqhathaniswa kunokuqhubeka nendaba. Lezi zimpawu eziyisixwayiso akufanele zishaywe indiva, futhi umuntu angaba nethemba lokuhlukana ngomusa njengo-Mia no-Sebastian ku-movie ethi 'La La Land'.

6. Uhlangabezana nokuntula njalo ukungaguquguquki

Uma uqala ukuqaphela ukuthi umlingani wakho othandana naye ubonisa isifiso esincane sokwenza izinhlelo ezijwayelekile njengoba ayevame ukwenza, qaphela. Isibonelo, ubulokhu uzwa kuye nsuku zonke, bese kuba kanye njalo ezinsukwini ezimbalwa, ungamuzwa nje ekhuluma nawe amasonto amathathu elandelana ngaphandle kokuxolisa noma izizathu eziqinile. Ukuthandana kwakho bekungaba yinto eyenzeka ngobusuku obubodwa ngaphandle kokuba nombono ngakho.

7. Imfihlo yakho isiphumile

Izindaba ngokuvamile ziyimfihlo futhi ungagcina ubudlelwano bakho bufihliwe, ezinye izinto azikho ngaphansi kwamandla akho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wenzani ukuze ugcine indaba yakho iyimfihlo , kuhlale kukhona amathuba okuthi imfihlo ingavela.

• Uma ivezwa ukuthandana okungajwayelekile maningi amathuba okuthi kugcine sekuhlukene uma imfihlo yakhona kuyiyona egcina izinkanuko ziphezulu.
• Uma kuke kwaputshuka ishende, abantu abahilizisana nabo balahlekelwa kakhulu. Ukuze bavikeleke futhi basebenzele ukwakha kabusha isithunzi sabo, oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bangase banqume ukuyiqeda indaba

Ukufunda Okuhlobene : Izinkinga Eziningi Zitholakala Kanjani — Izindlela Eziyi-9 Ezivamile Zokubanjwa Kwabakhohlisi

8. Uhlala udidekile

Uma uzibona uthuthukisa imizwa ejulile ngomunye umuntu kodwa ungatholi impendulo efanayo noma uqaphela ukuthi akakaze azibone eba ngcono nawe, ifulegi elibomvu.

• Ukushoda kwezinhloso ezicacile kungaholela ekukholweni ukuthi umlingani wakho othandana naye usebenzisa wena, okungenzeka kube njalo
• Kufanele ukhathazeke uma begwema ukufuna ukuxazulula ukudideka nokukhathazeka kwakho mayelana nezindaba ezinjalo

9. Noma yini eyenziwa uphathina wakho iyakucasula noma eziphatha ngendlela ejwayelekile

Ebudlelwaneni bothando noma obungokomzwelo , ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye kungase kungabi yinto eyanelisayo ngaso sonke isikhathi kodwa akufanele futhi kube yinto embi noma ekhathazayo engqondweni. Uma uqala ukwenza izaba zokugwema ukuhlela izinsuku nokuhlangana ngoba nje umlingani wakho ekucasula noma ekucasula kakhulu, ushintsho olufanele ukubuzwa.

UCheryl Whitten, umbhali weWebMD, uyabhala , “Ukuzizwa ucasukile akulona uphawu lokuthi ubudlelwano bakho buzophela. Kunalokho, kungaba uphawu lokuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuzinakekela nokuhlonipha imizwa yakho. Ukunaka okwenzekayo empilweni yakho kungakusiza ukuthi ufinyelele emsukeni wokucasuka kwakho”. Kodwa uma ukwenzile lokhu futhi umlingani wakho engadingi kakhulu noma engacasuli, futhi usazithola ukhathele futhi ukhathele ngemva kokuhlangana naye, khona-ke uthando lungase luphele.

10. Ucansi nje noma alukho nhlobo luwuphawu ukuthi udaba lwakho seluphelile

Akunakuphikwa ukuthi ucansi ludlala indima enkulu ekukhangiseni nasekuphumeleleni kwayo yonke indaba. Kodwa kufanele futhi kube nokulinganisela futhi, ingasaphathwa, ezinye izingxenye ezakha ubuhlobo. Ungase uzithole usuhlangana nomuntu othandana naye ngocansi kuphela futhi uma lokho kungekho etafuleni, nigcine ningahlangananga nhlobo. Uma kunjalo, udinga ukuba nengxoxo futhi uyisuse noma ngabe ulapho nje ukuze uthole izingcingo ze-booty noma umsindo wothando.

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11. Uqala ukuqaphela amaphutha abo futhi bakunike ick

Kuyiqiniso elivamile neliyiqiniso ukuthi ubona umlingani wakho 'ngezibuko ezinombala obomvu' uma unemizwa enamandla yokuthatheka noma ngisho nothando ngaye. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umehluko omkhulu phakathi kothando nokuthatheka , izimpawu ezibomvu zibukeka njengezizimpawu ezisekuqaleni kokubili. Kodwa uma kunezinkinga eziningi ezivelayo kunokuxazululwa, ungase uqale ukuthola imizwa ngamaphutha abo futhi ungawanaki nhlobo amandla abo. Futhi okubi kakhulu ukuthi, amaphutha abo angase abe ajwayelekile noma angabonakali, uma kukhona okukhulu nhlobo. Ngakho-ke, uma unenkinga yokuthola noma yini enhle ongayicabanga ngomlingani wakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi usenkampanini yakhe noma cha, kuyisibonakaliso esikhulu sokuthi uthando seluphelile.

12. Usuqalile ukuzizwa uwedwa ngisho noma nichitha isikhathi ndawonye

Lokhu kungaba esinye sezici ezinkulu ekugcineni kobudlelwano. Ukuba khona ngokoqobo komunye nomunye kodwa ukuzizwa uwedwa ngokomzwelo kuyisiphazamiso esikhulu futhi kuyinkomba yokuthi ubuhlobo abuhambi kahle futhi bungase busondele ekupheleni ngaphandle kokuthi inkinga ixazululwe. Ezinye zezinkomba zokuzizwa unesizungu nomlingani wakho wobudlelwano yilezi:

• Ukungezwa noma ukuthathwa ngokungathi sína lapho uzwakalisa izinkathazo zakho mayelana nendaba noma phakathi
  jikelele
• Uqala ukuzizwa uhlukanisiwe nayo yonke isisekelo sendaba yakho
• Umaqondana wakho useyekile ukukunikeza umuzwa wokuphepha nenkululeko njengoba ayekwenza
• Uhlangabezana nezikhala zokuxhumana ezengeziwe ezingaxazululeki

Ukufunda Okuhlobene : Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Zesexwayiso Zokuntuleka Kokuxhumana Okungokomzwelo Ebudlelwaneni

13. Ithumbu lakho seliye liya ngokuya likhathazeka

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi umuzwa wakho wamathumbu uzokutshela ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ngaphambi kokuthi uqale ukuqonda ukuthi yini engalungile ngempela.

• Kungase kube khona izinguquko ezincane ekuziphatheni komlingani wakho othandana naye, ulimi lomzimba, imizwa yabo eduze nawe, noma iphimbo nokubandakanyeka kwezimpendulo zabo okungase kukwenze ukhathazeke.
• Yize lezi zinto zingenzeka kunoma ngubani ongenalo usuku oluhle, uma ziba njalo futhi amathumbu akho ekutshela ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokulwela isiphetho esiseduze, kholwa

14. Uma ugilwa ngamacala namahloni, kuwuphawu ukuthi udaba lwakho seluphelile

“Yisho ukuthi ufunani ngabantu abahileleka ezindabeni, ukuthambekela kwabantu ekuziphatheni okubi kwamaphoyisa kuyaqala njalo,” kusho isihloko esanyatheliswa yi-CouplesAcademy. Umuzwa wecala namahloni kungavela njalo. Ukuqala kobudlelwano kungaba yinto ejabulisayo nejabulisayo kodwa ihlazo elingaphansi kokuthi ukhohlise noma uqambe amanga komunye umuntu ukuze ube kwenye indawo lingakufaka odabeni lwecala.

Kubonakala sengathi 'akunangozi akukho okubi' ukuzihlanganisa nomuntu oshadile noma ozibophezele ngenxa yokuthi akukho ngcindezi yokusondelana ngokomzwelo noma ukuzibophezela okukhulu okuvela kuwe noma kubo. Kepha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ungabona ukuthi baningi abantu abasondelene nawe nalabo abathinteka ngokungaqondile. Ukuqaphela kuyashaya futhi indaba ivame ukuphela ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho.

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15. Babuyele empilweni yabo bakhohlwa ngawe

Uma umlingani wakho wezothando engaxhumananga naye ngaphandle kwesixwayiso sangaphambilini futhi kungekho okungahambi kahle, ubuhlobo benu buphelile nakanjani. Uma othile ekhetha ukukhohlwa noma yini eyake yenzeka futhi aziphathe sengathi ubengazi nhlobo ngokuphila kwenu, kuwukuhlakanipha ukuqaphela ukuthi umlingani wakho wangaphambili wezothando ngeke akuvumele uvale noma ube nesibindi sokuhlukana ngokuqondile. Kodwa ungakhathazeki, kunezinto ongazenza ukuze uqhubeke nempilo yakho futhi uyeke ukucabanga ngomlingani wezothando.

Ngivalwa Kanjani Ngemva Kwendaba?

Noma ngabe umthanda kangakanani umlingani wakho, ukujola kudinga umsebenzi. Kodwa lapho wazi ukuthi iyaphela futhi amaphuzu ashiwo ngenhla ekuxwayisa ngokucacile ngokuhlukana okuseduze, noma ubani angakuthola kunzima ukukusingatha. Abanye babeyobhekana nalelo gagasi lokulahlwa, futhi ukuziphatha kwabo okwake kwakhanga kwakuyowohloka ngokushesha. Ake sibhekane nakho, akekho ngempela ofuna isimo esihle siphele, ngakho-ke, abanye bangaze babhoke futhi badelele. Kodwa akukho ukunyundela okungasishintsha isimo.

Ngakho-ke, yini okufanele uyenze ngemva kokuphela kokuthandana?

• Ngabe kuphelile?: Isinyathelo esikhulu kunazo zonke sokuzivala siwukwenza isiqiniseko sokuthi ukuthandana kuphelile ngempela, kwakho nobabili. Lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele uphume endleleni yakho futhi ufinyelele kubo ngemva kokuba sebevele bakunqamule. Kodwa kufanele ukugweme ukubuyelana nabo emiyalweni yabo nasezingxoxweni ngazo zonke izindleko
• Bavimbe: Zisuse yonke indawo ongayicabanga futhi uzenze uziphendulele ngokwanele ukugwema ukuhlehla nokuphinda imikhuba elimaza imizwa
• Isikhathi sami: Sebenzisa isikhathi sakho okhululekile ukuzisebenzela, tshala ezintweni ozilibazisayo, ulungise isimiso sakho
• Funa usizo: Ngempela ukuqhubeka nempilo uwedwa kuthatha umsebenzi onzima futhi kunzima kakhulu ukukwenza uwedwa, ngakho-ke thola usizo lomngane ongenalo ukwahlulela owaziyo ukuthi uzokubambisa futhi akugcine usendleleni eya phambili esikhundleni sokubheka emuva. Ungaphinda ucele izeluleko kochwepheshe. I abeluleki beBonobology uyohlale ekulungele futhi ejabule ukukusiza

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Ungase ungabaze ukuthi umlingani wakho othandana naye uzizwa kanjani mayelana nokushintshashintsha kwakho, kodwa awazi ukuthi ungaluchaza kanjani ushintsho ekuziphatheni kwakhe. Noma ufuna ukuthola isiqinisekiso sokuthi kusekhanda lakho noma ubona izimpawu zokuthi udaba lwakho seluphelile. Ekugcineni, ukuzihlola nokuqhubeka kuthatha isikhathi futhi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi indaba yakho iphela kanjani, ungangabazi ukucela usizo kubangane abaseduze, noma ochwepheshe uma uludinga. Futhi njengoba umlobi uShannon L. Alder esho, “Ngezinye izikhathi uNkulunkulu angakuthintwa, kodwa angaphuluki. Ngokuvamile lapho lokhu kwenzeka, usebenzisa ubuhlungu bakho ngenjongo enkulu.” Ngakho, qhubeka uphikelela.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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