Kungase kubonakale sengathi siphila ezweni elikhululekile, eliphapheme nelilungile kwezombusazwe kodwa ezinye izici zempilo zisashaqisa izingxenye zomphakathi ezilandela imithetho nezingokwenkolo - ubutabane, ngokungangabazeki, yibona obushaqisayo kakhulu kwabaningi. Ukuphuma emakhabetheni akulula ngisho nasemazweni asethuthukile njenge-USA lapho iminyakazo ye-LGBTQ ethathe amashumi eminyaka iphumelele ukususa isigcwagcwa ebesihaqe ubutabane ngokwezinga elikhulu.
Ukuziqhenya kwezitabane, imigubho yoSuku Lukazwelonke Lokuphuma kanye nezingxoxo ezivamile mayelana nezindaba zobunye ubulili kungase kube insakavukela namuhla. Nalapho-ke kulungu lomphakathi kuyinto enkulu ukuthi aqale aphume ekhabetheni. Njengoba engowedlanzana lezocansi, akumele nje aqale amukele indlela athaba ngayo kodwa futhi acabange ngemiphumela emndenini, emphakathini, emsebenzini, nokunye.
Isizathu ukuthi ubutabane noma ubungqingili noma abathandana nabobulili obubili, ngisho namanje, kungaba yimbangela yokungakhululeki (uma kungeyona inhlekisa) kubantu abambalwa. Akukhathaleki ukuthi umthetho uthini, izinkambiso zamasiko nezinkambiso zomphakathi ziyizinselelo ezinkulu kakhulu.
Kusho Ukuthini Ukuphuma Ekhabetheni?
Okuqukethwe
Abantu abaningi, ngenkathi bezibuza ngencazelo yokuphuma ekhabetheni, babuza ukuthi “Kungani kubizwa ngokuthi ukuphuma ekhabetheni?” Incazelo yokuphuma ekhabetheni kanye nomlando kusekelwe ezifanekisweni zokufihla. NgesiNgisi, igama elithi 'ukufihla ekhabetheni' noma 'i-skeleton ekhabetheni' livame ukubhekisela esimweni lapho umuntu enezimfihlo ezihlazisayo noma eziyingozi zokufihla. Kodwa eminyakeni edlule, incazelo yokuphuma iye yathola incazelo ehlukile.
Kuye kwashintshwa ukuze kufakwe endabeni yomuntu we-LGBTQ ofuna ukwembula ubulili bakhe noma ubunikazi bakhe emhlabeni. Ngokusho kwendatshana eku- TIME Magazine, leli gama ekuqaleni lalisetshenziswa ukubhekisela kubantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo abadalula imfihlo yabo, hhayi emhlabeni wonke kodwa kwabanye abantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo.
Kuthathe ugqozi ku-sub-culture yamantombazane asezingeni eliphezulu ukwethulwa emphakathini noma ama-bachelor afanelekile lapho efinyelela iminyaka yokushada. Phakathi neMpi Yezwe 2, izitabane eziphakeme zenza okufanayo emabholeni okudonsa. Emashumini eminyaka adlule, leli gama lonke libe elomuntu siqu kakhulu ukukhombisa ukuthi umuntu we-LGBTQ wayesekulungele ukukhuluma mayelana nokuma kwakhe kunoma ubani akhetha ukukhuluma naye. Ngakho-ke, igama elithi 'ukuphuma ekhabetheni' laba nezwi elizwakalayo futhi elivame ukusetshenziswa.
Ngakho-ke, ukuphuma ekhabetheni incazelo ngokuyisisekelo kubhekisela enqubweni yomuntu oyindlovukazi eveza ubunjalo bobulili kanye nezintandokazi zocansi kubangani bakhe, umndeni, kanye nomhlaba jikelele. Qaphela ukuthi inqubo ngokwayo ingaba nesiyaluyalu ngokomzwelo kumuntu okukhulunywa ngaye.
Ngisho noma umuntu eqiniseka ukuthi uzokwamukelwa ngabantu ababalulekile kuye kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubulili bakhe buyini noma ubulili bakhe buyini, kungathatha iminyaka ukumemezela ukuthi ungubani nokuthi uthanda bani phambi komphakathi. Ngezinye izikhathi umuntu angase akuthole kulula ukuphumela kubangani bakhe ngaphambi kwabazali bakhe kanye nomphakathi jikelele ngoba kuhlale kunethuba elikhulu lokuthola ukwamukelwa phakathi kwabantu abanomqondo ofanayo abaneminyaka efanayo.
Nakuba kusabisa njengoba ithemba lokuphuma lingase libe nzima kakhulu ukudalula ukuthi ungubani kubantu abathandekayo nababaluleke kakhulu kuwena. Lokhu kungenxa yokwesaba okungokwemvelo nokujulile kokucwaswa, ukuphathwa ngendlela ehlukile noma, ezimeni ezimbi kakhulu, ngisho nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo.
Ngakho-ke, ukuphuma kwencazelo yekhabethe nakho kungene shí emcabangweni wokuthi umuntu odalula ubunikazi bakhe kubangani bakhe, umndeni, kanye nomhlaba kungenzeka wenza kanjalo kuyilapho ebeka ukuphila kwakhe kwengqondo nomzimba engcupheni.
Umlando ufakaza ngemiphumela emibi abantu abayizigebengu abaye bahlupheka obala ezandleni zabazondayo - abanye babo okwakuyimindeni yabo. Ngakho-ke, uma usesekhabetheni, noma nini lapho ucabanga impilo ngemva kokuphuma ekamelweni, kungenzeka ukuthi izohlala ihambisana nemizwa yokwethuka kanye nomuzwa wokulahlwa, ikakhulukazi uma ungowomndeni olondolozayo.
Uma sekushiwo, enye yezinzuzo ezinkulu zokuphuma ekhabetheni umuzwa wenkululeko ohambisana nakho. Awusadingeki uzifihle ukuthi ungubani. Uma usuphumile ekhabetheni, ungaqala ukuziveza indlela yokufuna ngempela.
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Kubantu abashintshashintshayo, lokhu kungase kusho ukuthi ekugcineni bathole inkululeko yokugqoka izingubo futhi balungise ukubukeka kwabo ukuze kuhambisane nokuthi bangubani ngempela ngaphakathi. Uma ungomunye wababanenhlanhla futhi umndeni wakho uyakusekela ubuwena kanye nokukhetha kwakho, uzokwazi ukufinyelela ekuhlinzweni nemijovo oyidingayo ukuze ubonise kangcono ubunikazi bakho bobulili.
Izinzuzo zokuphuma ekhabetheni zihlanganisa nokuhlangana nabantu abavela emphakathini wangakini nokuhambela imicimbi ye-Pride ngaphandle kokwesaba ukukhishwa othile ngephutha. Uzokwazi ukwethula ukuthi ubani omthandayo emndenini wakho ngaphandle kokuzwa isidingo sokuthi uthule ngakho. Ukwesaba nokufihlakala okuyobe kuhambisane nezenzo zakho zonke, konke ukunyakaza kwakho ngenkathi usacashe ekhabetheni kuzoshabalala kungazelelwe.
Kodwa ukuphila ngemva kokuphuma ekamelweni akulona ilanga futhi uthingo wawo wonke umuntu. Kwabanye abantu, imiphumela engemihle yokuphuma idlula kude izinzuzo njengoba ukuveza ukuthi bangobani ngempela kungase kuvele kubeke izimpilo zabo engozini. Ngakho-ke, uma ungumuntu osesekhabetheni, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi kulungile ukuthi ungaphumi futhi uziqhenye okwamanje.
Nakuba ukuba queer kakhulu kuyakhazimula, ukuphila kwakho nokukhetha kuyasebenza ngokulinganayo. Kuningi okuphuma kamuva ezindabeni zempilo ezisitshela ngezigigaba zalabo abangazange baphume ekhabetheni baze babe neminyaka yawo-50, 60s, noma ngisho neminyaka yawo-70. Abanye abantu abaphumi impilo yabo yonke. Kunenqwaba yabantu abathandana nobulili obuhlukile ngaphambi kokuphuma njengezitabane. Futhi lokho kulungile.
Thatha isikhathi sakho ukuze uthole izikhala ozizwa uphephile kuzo. Bese-ke, lapho usulungile, khuluma iqiniso lakho futhi uzwe isisindo seminyaka sisusa ngokoqobo emahlombe akho.
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"Ukuphuma ekamelweni kuyinto yempilo yakho yonke. Akuyona into oyenza kanye," kusho u-YouTuber odumile no-Vlogger uDavid Levitz ovame ukusebenzisa ulwazi lwakhe lwempilo ukuze akhiphe iseluleko kubantu abangabambiqhaza ababhekana nezingqinamba ezinjalo.
Impela, noma ngabe uye wakuthola kuphuma incazelo yekhabethe futhi ngandlela thize wathola ulwazi lokuphumela kubazali bakho, kungase kudingeke ukuthi udlule ku-rigmarole efanayo esikoleni esiphakeme, ekolishi, phakathi kwabangane bakho abathandana nobulili obuhlukile, noma emsebenzini. Ungabi nengcindezi ngakho.
Akufanele kube (futhi akuyona) into enkulu. Sekushiwo lokho, lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho komuntu ngamunye, futhi indaba ephumayo yomuntu oyedwa ongqingili ingahluka kakhulu komunye. Uma usukwenzile, ukuphila ngemva kokuphuma ekamelweni kungaba yinto ekhululayo.
Ngemuva kwakho konke, kunezinzuzo eziningi zokuphuma ekamelweni, kusukela ekukwazi ukuba khona nothando ngokukhululekile ukuze uthole ukunambitheka kweqiniso kwenkululeko - okukuvimbile yonke leyo minyaka oyichithe ekamelweni. Noma imiphumela emibi yokuphuma ingaqhubeka ikuhlupha uze ukwazi ukuthola indawo ephephile.
Kodwa-ke, konke kuvela, yazi ukuthi indaba yakho izohluka futhi izosebenza kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukhetha kanjani noma nini ukuphuma. Kodwa-ke, uma ucabanga ukwenza lokhu futhi ufuna ukwazi kahle ukuthi yini ongena kukho, nakhu konke okudingeka ukwazi mayelana nokwamukela ubulili bakho nokuphuma ekamelweni:
1. Phuma lapho usulungile
Ezigabeni ezahlukene zokuphuma ekhabetheni, lo ngumthetho wokuqala, oyisisekelo futhi obaluleke kakhulu. Kufanele ucabange ngokuthatha lesi sinyathelo kuphela uma usukulungele. Okokuqala, kufanele uzamukele bese ulungiselela ukwenza abanye bakwamukele. Kwamalungu amaningi e-LGBTQ , kungaba yinto ebuhlungu kakhulu lapho beqaphela ubulili babo. Kungaba nokungabaza, ukwesaba kanye nezinselele. Yilapho-ke udinga khona ukwelulekwa okufanele, ukwesekwa kweqembu lontanga kanye nolwazi oluyiqiniso noluthembekile.
Uma usunethezekile kuwena, yenza uhlelo mayelana nokuthi ungathanda ukumveza kubani kuqala. Lokhu kuncike ngokuphelele esimweni sakho. Kubantu abaningi akudingeki kube 'uhlelo' olukhulu. Isiqephu sakho 'sokuphuma ekhabetheni' singaba ingxoxo nje, ikakhulukazi uma wazi ukuthi umamukeli wolwazi unenkululeko futhi unozwela.
2. Akukho mkhawulo wesikhathi sokuphuma ekhabetheni
Imithombo yezindaba ebonakalayo njengamanje igcwele izindaba zabantu abathandana nabantu ...
Thatha ifilimu edumile kaKhisimusi, i-Happiest Season , edlala noKristen Stewart, odlala indima ye-queer heartthrob. Ilandisa indaba yakudala yomuntu oye wadlula empilweni ezenza sengathi uqondile ukuze nje amukelwe ngumndeni wakhe. Ifilimu ka-2020 inhle kakhulu ekugqamiseni ukuthi kunzima kangakanani ukugcina impilo yemfihlo lapho kufanele uzenze umuntu ohluke ngokuphelele, uze uphendukele ekuphonseni umlingani wakho ngaphansi kwebhasi ukuze nje ugcine imfihlo yakho.
Kodwa nakuba leyo filimu ikakhulukazi kanye nabezindaba, ngokuvamile, bezama ukukhomba idrama, injabulo, kanye nokwesaba okuhambisana nobudala, ngokuvamile ibashaya indiva abantu abangazange baphume besebasha noma ngisho naseminyakeni yawo-20 kanye nama-30s. Kodwa ngenxa yokuthi abezindaba abasibonisi ukuthi siphuma kamuva ezindabeni zokuphila, kusho ukuthi azikho? Yebo, bayakwenza. Kunenqwaba yabantu ababengazizwa bephephile noma bengakulungele ngokwanele ukuphuma kuze kube kamuva ezimpilweni zabo.
Khumbula, alikho ibhomu lesikhathi sokuphawula. Ngeke uphelelwe amahora, imizuzu, neminyaka ukuze utshele abangani nomndeni wakho ukuthi ungubani. Noma ngabe uzamukele njengomuntu oyingwazi, ungabi ngaphansi kwengcindezi yokudalula yonke into ngendlela ebabazekayo. “Ngezinye izikhathi ungase ukhululeke ngobulili bakho kodwa hhayi kwabanye,” kusho uLevitz.
“Uma ungafuni ukubhekana nenkinga yokubhekana nokusabela okuhlukahlukene, ungazami ukuphuma ngesikhathi esisodwa ekamelweni.” Kodwa uma uthola umuzwa omuhle ngokusabela kwalabo abaseduze kwakho, ungacabangi isikhathi eside kakhulu. Njengoba sishilo, akuwona wonke umuntu ongaba isishoshovu ngesizathu esithile. Ukwamukela ubuwena bobulili kungenye yezigaba ezibalulekile zokuphuma ekhabetheni. Gxila kulokho kuqala bese okunye kuzozihambela ngokwakho.
3. Qiniseka ukuthi unenetha yokuphepha
Ngenxa yokuthi awufuni ukwenza into enkulu mayelana nokuphuma ekamelweni akusho ukuthi awuzinakekeli wena kanye nezidingo zakho, ikakhulukazi izidingo zezezimali. Ngakho-ke, uma usekolishi futhi usancike emndenini wakho ngezimali ezikhokhwayo, cabanga ngemiphumela.
Uma ungaqiniseki ngesimo sabo sengqondo ngobungqingili futhi wesaba ukuthi bangase basabele ngokucasuka, mhlawumbe kungaba ukuhlakanipha ukuhlehlisa ‘inkulumo’ iminyaka embalwa. Impela, kuyadabukisa njengoba ungafuni ukuphila ukuphila okumbaxa-mbili. Kodwa kungcono ukwenza kanjalo. Uma sekuqala ukuba nomthelela empilweni yakho yengqondo, nokho, futhi ucabanga ukuthi awukwazi ukulinda isikhashana ukuze utshele wonke umuntu ukuthi ungubani, sekuyisikhathi sokuqala ukuhlela.
Qala ngokulungiselela okubi kakhulu. Qala ukuqoqa izinsiza zakho. Beka eceleni imali yetoho noma imali yephakethe oyithola kubazali bakho. Gcina isikhwama sezingubo, izinto ezibalulekile, nokudla okungaboli eduze. Hlela indawo yokuhlala uma kwenzeka uxoshwa. Xhumana namaqembu okusekela futhi uwatshele isimo sakho. Bangase bakwazi ukukusiza ngezimali noma izinsiza uma izinto ziba zimbi. Futhi, bazise lapho uhlela ukwenza lokhu.
Uma isikhathi sifika, zama ukuba nomuntu - umngane noma othile weqembu elisekelanayo - lapho usakhuluma nabazali bakho. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ezimeni lapho wazi ukuthi kukhona amathuba okuphuma okuholela ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzimba.
Ukuhlela kahle kanye nokwakha inetha lokuphepha kubalulekile nakulabo abafunda ezikoleni ezigcina umthetho lapho kunethuba lokuxhashazwa. Kungase futhi kube nengcindezi evela eqenjini lakho lontanga le-LGBTQ ukuze uvuleleke ngakho. Ungavumeli ukucindezelwa muntu. Cabangela isimo sakho, uphephe ngokwezimali nangokomzwelo, bese wenza okudingeka ukwenze.
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4. Ukuphumela kubazali
U-Susan Cottrell, isikhulumi se-TedX sinalesi siphakamiso sokunye kokwesaba okukhulu abantu be-LGBTQ ababhekana nakho - ukuthi ungaphuma kanjani ekamelweni eliya kubazali bakho: "Ithemba lokuhle futhi ulungiselele okubi kakhulu". USusan, osize abazali abaningi nezingane ukuba babhekane nalesi simo uthi kungcono kakhulu ukuba nohlelo.
Ukuzilungiselela kuyasiza uma izinto zingahambi kahle ngenkathi unaleyo ngxoxo enzima nabazali bakho. "Iba nomuntu okanye nawe noma othile oshayelayo. Pakisha isikhwama esinezinto ongazidinga uma kwenzeka ususwa endaweni yakho kungazelelwe - izinto zakho zokusebenza, amaphepha, njll. Nikeza umndeni wakho isikhathi sokuzamukela," usho kanje.
Bazocubungula lolu lwazi ngokombono wokulungile nokungalungile ogxiliswe kubo ngamasiko abo kanye nesonto. “Hlala uzolile ngisho noma bengekho, futhi ulungele ukuphendula imibuzo eyisisekelo. Kodwa batshele ukuthi uyabathanda futhi uyabadinga, uyanezela.” Lokhu kungase kusize ekwehliseni intukuthelo kancane uma bevame ukweqisa.
5. Thola uhlelo lwakho lokusekela
Lokhu akudingi ukucaciswa. Uma uzithola udidekile ngokuthi ungubani ngokobulili nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho, okokuqala thola iqembu elihle lokusekela. Kunezinhlangano eziningi ezisebenzela inhlalakahle nokusekela umphakathi we-LGBTQ emhlabeni jikelele.
Usesho olulula lwe-inthanethi luzoveza amagama esifundeni sakho. Funa usizo lomeluleki wakho wesikole samabanga aphezulu noma wasekolishi uma kudingeka. Bazokusiza uqonde ubunkimbinkimbi bendaba, izici zayo ezingokwengqondo nezokuphila, nokuthi yini okufanele uyicabangele lapho uphuma ekhabetheni.
Iningi labantu abavela emphakathini we-LGBTQ besaba ukuhlukaniswa kakhulu. Ukuba yingxenye yeqembu lokusekelana kukusiza ukuthi unqamule umjikelezo wesizungu nokudideka. Bangakuqondisa ngisho nalapho ucabanga ukuphuma uye kubazali namanye amalungu omndeni. Uzophinde uhlangane nabantu abanomqondo ofanayo abazokusiza ukuthi uthintane nomuntu wakho wangempela.
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6. Ukusebenzisa izinkundla zokuxhumana ukuphuma
Lokhu kuvame ukuba yinkinga - kufanele usebenzise izinkundla zokuxhumana ukuze uphume? Ngokufanelekile, cha. Kwesinye isikhathi, ukusetshenziswa kwezinkundla zokuxhumana kungakunika amandla uma unquma ukwabelana ngendaba yakho nomhlaba. Okuthunyelwe kwe-FB okuthinta imizwa noma isitatimende se-Twitter esimangalisayo nakanjani sizoheha ama-eyeballs kodwa futhi singase sibe nokusabela okweqisayo.
Uma kubhekwa ukulandisa okuhle okwengeziwe ngezindaba ze-LGBTQ, amathuba ukuthi uzothola ukwesekwa okuningi phakathi kwabantu, okungase kukunike isibindi sokukhuluma nomndeni wakho uma kwenzeka okukukhathaza kakhulu ukuthi uphuma kanjani ekamelweni uye kubazali bakho.
Kodwa-ke, kungase kube nomthelela omubi komunye umuntu - umngane noma umndeni - kabi. Angakujabulela ukube umtshele mathupha. Nakuba imizwa yakho ibaluleke kakhulu, khumbula ukuthi uzodinga ukucabangela imizwa yomuntu omvezayo ingxenye ejulile kakhulu ngawe.
7. Ukuphumela kumqashi wakho
Uma uphuma ekhabetheni lapho usuqalile ukusebenza ngobungcweti, kungase kube nomthelela empilweni yakho yomsebenzi. Ekuqaleni, ungase uzizwe ungafaneleki, ikakhulukazi uma ozakwenu abaqondile bengakwazi ukuyeka ukukhuluma ngamakhosikazi, izintombi, kanye nenkulumo evamile ethi 'indoda nendoda' noma 'inkosikazi nowesifazane' inkulumo.
Kodwa uma usunqume ukuveza umumo wakho, ngeke kuthathe isikhathi eside ukuthi ihhovisi lakho lazi. Okokuqala, thola ukuthi kukhona yini ukuvikeleka kwakho njengesisebenzi uma uphuma ekhabetheni. Yiba umngane nabantu okungenzeka babe nozwela futhi abangabandlululi.
Lokhu kungase kukusize ekutholeni ukusekelwa lapho iqiniso ekugcineni seliphumile. Kungase kumise noma kunganqandi inhlebo, lokho kuzoncika ngokuphelele esikweni lendawo yakho yokusebenzela kanye nohlobo lomsebenzi. Izindawo zokusebenza ezinobuhlakani noma ezinobuchwepheshe obuphezulu, izindawo zokusebenza zesimanje ngokuvamile zilungele i-LGBTQ kunezikhungo zendabuko.
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8. Ukuvuma icala koshade naye
Baningi abantu abagcina benza into okungafanele bashade nayo bafihle ukuthi bayizitabane. Kungenzeka emindenini yamaKrestu ebambelele kakhulu ebungqingili futhi lowo muntu angabi naso isibindi sokuphambana nezinkambiso.
Kodwa ngemva kweminyaka uphila impilo embaxambili, uma usuphuma ekamelweni uye kumlingani wakho , kufanele ubhekane nesimo ngobuhlakani. Ungalahlekelwa umbono wobucayi bomshado. Ngeke kube lula ngokuqinisekile futhi akukho okushiwoyo ukuthi umyeni wakho noma umkakho angase asabele kanjani.
Abanye abangane bomshado bangase bavume ukuqhubeka nokuhlala emshadweni wezingane noma ukugcina i-facade emphakathini. Kodwa izinto ngeke zifane. Kungcono ufune usizo lomeluleki noma udokotela ngaphambi kokuvuma izono njengoba owakwakho angadinga usizo ukuze akucubungule.
9. Yaziswa ngamalungelo akho
Ukunyakaza kwamalungelo ezitabane akukakapheli. Mhlawumbe ungomunye wamalungu anenhlanhla omphakathi we-LGBTQ ongadingi ukufihla ukuthi umi kuphi noma ongakahlangani nezinkinga eziningi ngenxa yobulili babo. Noma mhlawumbe, kungase kube okuphambene.
Noma iyiphi indlela, kufanele waziswe ngawo wonke amalungelo akho njengedlanzana lezocansi. Nakuba umthetho ungase ube nobungane, umphakathi noma ibandla kungase kungabi njalo. Awufanele ukucwaswa. Ngakho-ke, yazi konke okwenzeka emhlabeni wonke kulesi simo.
Uma uwazi amalungelo akho, ukuphuma ekamelweni kulula kakhulu njengoba noma yikuphi ukuhlukunyezwa kunoma iyiphi ingxenye yekota kuba mancane amathuba. Uzovikeleka ngokomthetho nangokwezimali kunoma iyiphi inkinga ongase ubhekane nayo kubantu abangase babe nokuzonda ongqingili. Ulwazi lukunikeza ukuzethemba.
Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Ukuphuma Kungahambi Kahle?
Naphezu kwawo wonke amathiphu anikezwe ngenhla, iqiniso liwukuthi ukuphuma ekamelweni kuyisipiliyoni somuntu ngamunye. Ayikho indlela efanele noma isikhathi esifanele sokukwenza. Futhi kungase kube khona wonke amathuba okuba izinto zingahambi kahle. Umndeni wakho, abazali, abangani noma indawo yokusebenza kungenzeka ingabi nakho ukusabela obukufisa.
Kungenxa yalesi sizathu ukuthi kufanele ube nesizwe sakho. Kwesinye isikhathi iqembu lokusekela liba umndeni ongakaze ube nawo. Gxila kuwena, ekuzimele kanye nokuzazi wena. Kungase kungazisusi ngokuphelele izinkinga noma izingqinamba kodwa okungenani uzobe ukuhlomele kangcono ukuzisingatha.
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