Izinto Ezingu-15 Eziheha Umuntu Wesifazane Komunye Wesimame

"Yini ekhanga owesifazane komunye wesifazane?" umngane wami, uJo, wazibuza ngokuzwakalayo emasontweni ambalwa edlule. Wayesanda kungitshela ukuthi wayekhangwe ngowesifazane asebenza naye emsebenzini wakhe omusha. U-Jo uneminyaka ephakathi kuka-40, uhlonze njengokuqondile impilo yakhe yonke, futhi ushade nendoda. Njengoba ngimazi kusukela ekolishi, ngangike ngicabange ukuba nale ngxoxo naye. Nokho, wayedidekile, ezibuza, “Kungani ngikhangwa omunye wesifazane?” Ngamangala futhi ngamjabulela ngokulinganayo.

Phela, ubulili bomuntu akusaboshiwe yizithiyo eziqinile zomphakathi kanye namabhanari. Ukukhangwa kwezocansi kanye/noma kwezothando nakho, sekuphenduke uketshezi kakhulu. Mhlawumbe kwakunjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi, kodwa ukukhululeka okwengeziwe ngale ndaba kuye kwasiza abantu baveza imizwa yabo ngokukhululekile. Futhi kwenzeka kubantu abaningi. Ubungakhangwa amadoda isikhathi esiningi sempilo yakho futhi ungase uzithole ukhangwa ngowesifazane kuya kowesifazane.

Mhlawumbe intombazane entsha ejoyine ihhovisi lakho futhi ikumoyizele lapho ungena nekhofi lakho. Mhlawumbe umngane wakho omkhulu owazi ukuphila kwakho konke. Noma iyiphi indlela, ungase ulwa nowesifazane oshadile ochoboza omunye wesifazane, ulahlekelwe ubuthongo ngalokho okukukhangayo ngaye.

Ngakho-ke, yiziphi ezinye izici nezici ezihlukile ezidonsela owesifazane komunye wesifazane futhi yiziphi izimpawu zokukhanga kwabesifazane? Sixoxe nodokotela wezifo zengqondo kanye nosomabhizinisi wezenhlalo uDevaleena Ghosh (M.Res., eManchester University), umsunguli weKornash: The Lifestyle Management School, ogxile ekwelulekeni kwemibhangqwana kanye nokwelashwa komndeni, ukuze sithole ulwazi oluthile ngokukhanga kwabantu bobulili obufanayo nokuthi kungavela kanjani.

Ingabe Owesifazane Oqondile Angakhangwa Omunye Wesimame?

Isimo sowesifazane okhangwa ngomunye wesifazane asivamile manje. Kodwa uma ubona owesifazane, obelokhu eqotho impilo yakhe yonke, ebona abanye besifazane, ungase uzibuze ukuthi ngabe kuyisibonakaliso sento abhekene nayo— ubuhlungu benhliziyo obubi , inkinga yesikhathi esiphakathi—noma empeleni uke wabhekana noshintsho endleleni yakhe yobulili.

Ngaphambi kokuthi siqonde ukuthi yini eheha owesifazane komunye wesifazane, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi kulungile futhi kujwayelekile ukuthi owesifazane azitholele ubulili bakhe sekwephuzile kakhulu empilweni. I-fluidity yalo mkhakha yikho okwenza ijabulise kakhulu. Ngakho ngesikhathi esilandelayo, umngane wakho efika kuwe futhi akutshele mayelana nokuchotshozwa kancane kuka-barista wakhe, esikhundleni sokuphakamisa amashiya futhi umxoshe ngemibuzo, zama ukumbonisa uthando nokusekela.

Mhlawumbe, lena indaba yakhe yokuphuma ephuzile. Noma isikhashana nje ngakolunye uhlangothi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isizathu noma indaba yangemuva iyini, impendulo yokuthi owesifazane oqondile angakhangwa omunye wesifazane inguyebo. Ucwaningo olucashunwe yi-BBC , luze lusikisele ukuthi akekho owesifazane oqondile ngokuphelele futhi isayensi eminingi yebhayoloji engaphansi ingakuchaza lokho. Ngakho-ke, ngaleso sikhathi, sekuyisikhathi sokuphuma ezibalweni eziqinile bese ubona ukuthi kungaba yini ukukhanga.

11 Izimpawu Zokukhanga Owesifazane Kuya Owesifazane

Manje njengoba sesitholile ukuthi owesifazane ohehe owesifazane akakude njengoba kubonakala, ake sinake ukuthi lokhu kukhangwa kungase kubukeke kanjani. U-Devaleena uthi, “Kuhlale kunezimpawu zokuthi umuntu wesifazane ukhangwa omunye wesifazane,” futhi uqhubeka ebala lezi zinkomba zokukhanga owesifazane nowesifazane:

1. Ukubheka amehlo isikhathi eside

Phakathi kwezimpawu zokucindezeleka kocansi ezivela kowesifazane kuya komunye wesifazane, ukuxhumana kwamehlo okujulile nokunenjongo yikho okuhamba phambili ohlwini. Uma owesifazane ekhangwa omunye wesifazane, angase ahlale exhumana emehlweni isikhathi eside kunokujwayelekile, eveza ukuncoma, intshisekelo, noma ngisho nemizwa ejulile edlalayo. “Kukhona ukusondelana ekubhekaneni kakhulu kwamehlo ngisho nalapho abanye abantu bekhona. Lokhu akuyona ngempela indlela yabesifazane yokuhlola ukuthi omunye wesifazane ugqokeni kodwa kungaba futhi ukubonakaliswa kokuncoma kanye nezimpawu zokuba nothando ,” kusho uDevaleena.

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2. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba

Isidingo sokusondelana ngokomzimba sihlala siyinkomba yokulandisa yokukhangwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubani ohilelekile. Owesifazane ozizwa ekhangwa futhi ekhangwa omunye wesifazane angase athole izizathu zokusondelana naye ngokomzimba. Angase azame ukuhlala eduze kwakhe, ancike kuye phakathi nezingxoxo, noma amxubushe ngokunganaki. Zonke lezi zenzo zikhomba ukuthi umuntu wesifazane uyakuthanda. 

3. Umzimba odlala ngothando

Ulimi lomzimba oluhlekisayo lungenye yezimpawu ezibonisa ukuthi owesifazane oqotho ukhangwa omunye wesifazane. Lokhu kungabandakanya ukuthintana okudlalwayo njengokuthi

• Ukuchofoza engalweni
• Ukugudluza okucashile
• Ukuxubha izinwele kude nobuso

U-Devaleena uyanezela, “Ngaphandle kokudlala ngothando ngokusebenzisa izimpawu zomzimba, ulimi lomzimba oluvulekile, lapho ukuma kwakhe kuqondiswe komunye wesifazane, nakho kuyinkomba enamandla yokukhangwa.”

4. Ukwenza isibuko

Lolu wuphawu lokunganakile lokukhangwa owesifazane okungenzeka ukuthi uzizwa komunye. Ukuthambekela kokulingisa ukunyakaza komunye umuntu—unyakazisa izinwele zakhe uma omunye wesifazane enza, noma utshekisa ikhanda lakhe ngendlela omunye wesifazane enza ngayo—kubonisa ukuxhumana noma isifiso sokuyisungula.

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5. Ukunakwa okwengeziwe

Lapho owesifazane ekhangwa omunye, angase agxile kakhulu kulowo muntu. Lokhu kungabonakala endleleni azibandakanya ngayo ezingxoxweni nowesifazane athandana naye, emnaka ngokugcwele futhi ekhumbula yonke imininingwane encane ngaye. 

“Uzokhumbula i-cocktail oyi-odile, umbono wakho mayelana namasokisi ezinzwane, nendlela ozizwa ngayo ngomphathi wakho, uma ekuthanda.”

Devaleena Ghosh, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo

6. Ukugcona noma ukudlala

Ukugcona ngokudlala, ukuhlekisa, noma ngisho nokugcona okumnene konke kuyizinhlobo zokuhlekisana okudlalwayo okungasetshenziswa ukuheha nokukhanga omunye umuntu. Uma owesifazane ezizwa ekhangwa ngomunye umuntu, angasebenzisa la mathuluzi amancane ukudala ukuxhumana okujabulisayo. Kancane kancane, lokhu kuxhumana kungaphendukela endaweni esondelene kakhulu. UDevaleena uthi, “Mhlawumbe ukhuluma ngokuba nesithakazelo komunye owesifazane ngaphambilini, okusho ukuthi uphonsa icebiso. Noma mhlawumbe uzama ukukuthola wedwa futhi adale umzuzu wangasese, omnene lapho eshiseka khona futhi enothando.”

7. Ukuncoma njalo

Izimpawu zokukhanga kowesifazane zingabonakala nasezincomweni ezivamile kodwa ezicatshangelwe kahle azinikeza lowo amthandayo. Lezi zincomo zingaba ngokubukeka, isitayela, noma izici zomzimba, okubonisa ukunconywa nokukhanga. Isibonelo,

• Ukumamatheka kwakho kuhle
• Ubukeka umangalisa kuleyo ngubo
• Amehlo akho aveze obala

8. Ukwethuka noma ukudlikiza

Uma owesifazane engaqiniseki ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi kungani noma ukuthi omunye umuntu uzizwa kanjani, angase enze uvalo eduze kwakhe. Lokhu kungase kubangele ukuthi abhukule ngezinto, adlale ngezinwele zakhe, acwayize, futhi aqhubeke egijima, okubonisa isimo esishubile somzwelo ngenxa yokukhangwa okungaphansi. Lokhu kungaba esinye sezibonakaliso ezitshela ukuthi owesifazane oqondile ukhangwa omunye wesifazane.

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9. Izingxoxo ezikhethekile

Uma owesifazane ezizwa ekhangwa omunye, angase abheke amathuba okuxhumana naye futhi aphume endleleni yakhe ukuze afune izingxoxo zomuntu oyedwa noma izikhathi zobumfihlo. Ugxile ekumazini omunye wesifazane ngokujulile ngoba uzinikele kuyena kwezothando. UDevaleena uthi: “Uma owesifazane ekhangwa omunye wesifazane, angase abonise ukukhathalela okwengeziwe noma asondelane kakhulu ngokomzwelo ngokwabelana okuthile nowesifazane amkhangayo.

10. Ukuthinta ngenkathi behleka

Ukuthinta ngokomzimba kungaba uphawu oluqinile lokukhangana phakathi kwabesifazane ababili. Lokhu kuthintana kungase kubonakale kungeyona ingozi noma kungavamile, njengokuthinta ingalo, ihlombe, noma umlenze ngenkathi ukhuluma futhi uhleka, kodwa isici esihlukanisayo ukuthi kuhlala isikhathi eside kunokuthintana okungokwengqondo phakathi kwabesifazane ababili. Lokhu kuyindlela yokwakha ukuxhumana ngokomzimba.

11. Umona ngamathemba othando

Uma owesifazane engakhululekile lapho ekhona noma enomona ngesithakazelo sothando sowesifazane amkhangayo, kuyisibonakaliso esicacile semizwa yothando ejulile ehilelekile. Owesifazane othandana nomunye wesifazane angase abe nolaka noma angabi nandaba lapho ebona umuntu amthandayo exhumana eduze nabanye abantu abathandanayo (ikakhulukazi abanye besifazane).

Yini Ekhanga Umuntu Wesifazane Komunye Wesimame - Izinto Eziyi-15

UDevaleena ucaphuna ucwaningo olwenziwe yiBoise State University ngo-2011, olwathola ukuthi u-60% wabesifazane abavamile bavumile ukuthi bakhangwa ngomunye wesifazane. “Abesifazane ababalelwa ku-500 babhekana nalolu cwaningo. Ukuba nemizwa ngomunye wesifazane noma ngabe ubulokhu uzibheka njengokhangwa ngamadoda kuyinto evamile,” uyaqinisekisa. Ngakho-ke, ingabe bonke abesifazane bakhangwa abanye besifazane? Hhayi-ke, hhayi ngempela, kodwa kungenzeka enanini elikhulu labesifazane.

"Ngaso sonke isikhathi kuqala ngalowo muzwa wokuthi lona wesifazane uvele “akuthole.” Awukwazi ukuzibamba kodwa ulokhu ucabanga ngaye futhi ubheke amathuba okuxhumana naye. Uqala ukuzwa ukuthi ukhululekile ngokuba umuntu oyiqiniso, osengozini kakhulu lapho ekhona futhi awugadiwe kangako. Kunomuzwa wokufana nokujwayelana,” uyanezela, echaza ukuthi yini eheha owesifazane komunye wesifazane. U-Devaleena ubala ezinye izinto eziyi-15 ezingadonsa ukukhanga okunjalo:

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1. Ezethemba ngaye

“Ukwethemba abantu besifazane kuvame ukuzuzwa kanzima njengoba sitshelwa njalo ukuthi sibukele phansi impumelelo yethu kanye nathi uqobo,” kusho u-Devaleena. Ngakho-ke, uthi, kungenzeka ukuthi kungenxa yokuthi uyazethemba ukuthi ungubani nokuthi yini ayizuzile, ngokomsebenzi nangokomuntu siqu.

“Ngiyamthanda owesifazane ozaziyo ukuthi ungubani,” kusho uKaty. “Ngikhumbula owesifazane engangithandana naye ekolishi —wayemdala futhi eqiniseka kakhulu ngaye, ngaphandle kokuzikhukhumeza. Ngangineminyaka engu-21 kuphela ubudala futhi ngisazama ukuthola indawo yami emhlabeni. Ngangikuthanda ukuba naye ngoba kwakuyindlela yokubona umuntu engingaba nguye esikhathini esizayo.”

2. Ukuzimisela ukuba sengozini

Ukuzimisela ukuvuleka nokuba sengozini kungase kukhange kakhulu. Njengabesifazane, sivamise ukuba nezintambo eziqinile ukuze sakhe amagobolondo okuzivikela ezweni elihlala lizama ukusehlula futhi liqede noma yibuphi ubuntu obusha. Mhlawumbe ukukhangwa kwakho kwabesifazane kuya kwabesifazane kwaqala ngomhlangano wokudakwa endlini yangasese yentombazane futhi wagcina usunengxoxo ejulile mayelana nokuhlukana kwakho kokuqala kanye ne-tattoo oyitholile ngethemba lokuthi ubuzivuselela. Mhlawumbe uphume uyophuza ikhofi nje nomuntu osebenza naye futhi wavuma konke ukwesaba kwakho okujulile komunye nomunye. Ukuba sengcupheni okufanayo kuyisici esinamandla kulokho okuheha owesifazane komunye wesifazane.

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3. Ezizimele ngokwezimali

“Kungani ngivele ngikhangwe umngane wami wesifazane?” Hhayi-ke mhlawumbe kungaba yingoba ungumuntu wesifazane ozenzelayo futhi ubulokhu ubabaza lokho ngaye. Mhlawumbe, ingxenye yakho ifuna nokulingisa yona kanye leyo nto ngaye futhi uzizwe uzimele ngokwezimali njengaye. Eqinisweni, ayikho into emnandi njengowesifazane ozimele ngokwezimali ngoba uyazi ukuthi mhlawumbe kudingeke alwe kanzima ukuze afike lapho.

“Ngakwazi ukuphuma ekhaya ngineminyaka engu-18 ngokusebenza isikhathi esithile esikoleni samabanga aphezulu,” kusho uMolly, “Bengilokhu ngazi ukuthi angikwazi ukuba nowesifazane owayephila ngemali yomndeni futhi engakaze achithe isikhathi esiningi. Futhi bonke abantu engibathandayo, abathandanayo, kanye nobudlelwano bami bebenabesifazane abazakhele ibhalansi yabo yasebhange. Imigomo yobudlelwano bemali ibalulekile futhi ngiyamthanda owesifazane oqonda izinto eziza kuqala kuye.”

4. Ukhululekile esikhumbeni sakhe

UDevaleena uthi: “Ngaphambi kokuba sithande noma sithande noma ubani omunye, kumelwe sakhe ubuhlobo bothando nathi ngokwethu, “Ukukhululeka esikhumbeni sakho kungenye yezinto ezikhanga kakhulu esingaba nazo, ikakhulukazi njengoba thina besifazane sihlala sibambelele ezindinganisweni zobuhle eziwumngcingo nezingelona iqiniso.” Qaphela, kuyohlala kunezinsuku lapho sizonda izinwele zethu noma sibubula phezu kwemizimba yethu, kodwa izinga eliyisisekelo lokwaneliseka ngobuwena obungokomzimba nengqondo kuyinto ethandekayo ukuhlala nayo futhi uthandane nayo. Yilokho okuheha owesifazane komunye.

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5. Ilukuluku lobuhlakani kanye nokuqwashisa ngepolitiki

“Ngikhangwe ngempela abesifazane abahlale befuna ukwazi okwengeziwe,” kuhleka u-Emily, “Ngineminyaka engu-40 ubudala, futhi ngimdala kakhulu futhi ngizimisele ukwenza sengathi owesifazane ongazi noma ongenandaba ukuthi kwenzekani emhlabeni uwuhlobo lwami. Nokho, uthando lungase lugxile enhliziyweni kodwa ubuchopho budlala indima enkulu ekuheheni. Ubani ongamthandi umuntu ohlale efuna ukufunda izinto ezintsha, ocacile ngepolitiki yakhe futhi ongesabi ukufaka ubuhlakani nothando lwakhe emkhonweni wakhe?

6. Ubuhlakani bemizwa budonsela umuntu wesifazane komunye wesifazane

Ngakho-ke mhlawumbe uhlakaniphile ngezinto eziningi kodwa kuthiwani nge-emotional quotient yakho noma i-EQ? “ Ukuhlakanipha ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kulawula ikhono lakho lokuvuma nokuveza imizwa yakho ngendlela enempilo. Ngakho-ke, umuntu one-EQ eguquliwe, noma okungenani osebenzela kuyo, uba ngumuntu okhangayo ngokuzenzakalelayo,” kusho uDevaleena.

Uma uncelisa owesifazane oshadile athatheke komunye wesifazane, maningi amathuba okuthi ufane nendlela ayazi ngayo imizwa yakhe nendlela ayisingatha ngayo. Cishe akawuvali umlomo lapho ecasukile noma ecasukile kodwa uyakwazi ukuveza imizwa yakhe ngomoya ophansi nangesizotha. Yini ongayithandi?

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7. Evikelekile ebulilini bakhe

UKristen uthi: “Angimdingi umuntu ozizwa ekhanga ngaso sonke isikhathi, angicabangi ukuthi lokho kungenzeka,” kusho uKristen, “Kodwa ngihlale ngikhangwa abesifazane abaqaphelayo ukuthi bayizidalwa zobulili, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bakuphi lapho bekhuluma ngobulili.

Kungani ngikhangwa omunye wesifazane, ungase uzibuze. Lapho uhlangana nomuntu ongakwesabi ukuba nomunye wesifazane, lokho kungase kwanele ukuba uzizwe ukhangwa nguye. Ukuba nobulili bomuntu kanye nokuzethemba ngakho, kungenye yezinto ezikhangayo kunoma ubani.

Njengoba sesishilo kakade, ukuzethemba kungenye yezimpawu ezikhanga kakhulu, futhi ukuqiniseka ngocansi lwakho, izidingo zakho, kanye nezinto ezingaxoxiswana ngazo kuyingxenye enkulu yephakheji yokuzethemba. Ngakho-ke uma ubona owesifazane ehambahamba emgwaqweni ebukeka eshisa kakhulu njengakuqala, engesabi ukubuza ukuthi ufunani noma ukuphishekela ukuthi ufunani, ngeke nje uzizwe ukhangwa ngokungenakuguqulwa kodwa kuzophinde kubangele ukungezwani kocansi phakathi kwenu nobabili.

8. Wazakhela impilo ngaphandle kwalokho okulindelwe umphakathi

Abesifazane bavame ukuphila izimpilo ezincike kulokho abanye abantu abakulindele kubo. Umfazi omuhle, umama ozinikele, impilo echithelwe ekukhonzeni umndeni, nokunye. Kudinga amandla amakhulu kanye nobuntu ukuze uhlukane nokudala impilo oyifunayo, ngaphandle kwalokho okulindelwe umhlaba kuwe. Futhi yini ekhangayo ngaphezu kwamandla kanye nobuntu?

“Ngihlala emotweni yokungcebeleka futhi ngihamba ezweni lonke ngenza ama-gigs futhi ngipake noma kuphi lapho ngithanda khona,” kusho uSharon, “Kubashaqisa abantu abaningi ukuthi mina, njengowesifazane ongashadile, oyisixhwanguxhwangu, ngiphila ngale ndlela.

9. Ukuba nothando olujulile

Ukusondelana ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo kubonakala ngezindlela eziningi, futhi ukubonisa uthando kubalulekile kulokho. Ngenxa yalokhu, qaphela ukuthi uthando olungokwenyama aluhlali luwuthando lobulili noma lushisa futhi lunzima. Ukuqabulana ebunzini, ukuthinta ingalo, kanye nokubamba izandla konke kubonisa ukuthi lo muntu omthandayo futhi omkhathalelayo kakhulu. Futhi uma ubona intombazane izitika ngalokhu kakhulu uma ithi iqotho, kungase kube olunye lwezimpawu zokuthi intombazane eqotho iyafuna ukwazi.

Ngokwemizwa, uthando lungavela namagama eziteketiso ayimfihlo, othando, ukuhlala usekelana, nokumela omunye umuntu esimweni esinzima. Uvame ukuzibuza ukuthi yini edonsela owesifazane komunye wesifazane? Nokho, uthando olujulile nolusuka enhliziyweni aluyona into ebaluleke kakhulu kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano obunempilo, ngakho kungani lolu kufanele luhluke? Khumbula, ukuntuleka kokusondelana ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukuba uphawu olubomvu.

10. Uyazinakekela

Uyazi ukuthi bathini, awukwazi ukuthela ngembiza engenalutho. Mayelana nothando nobudlelwano, lokhu kuhunyushwa ngokuthi, “ukuzithanda kubaluleke kakhulu uma uzokwazi ukunikeza nokwamukela uthando komunye”. UNicole uthi: “Ngangimthanda kakhulu lo thisha esikoleni samabanga aphakeme, wayehlekisa futhi ehlala ekhuluma nathi sengathi siyalingana.” Kodwa ngaphandle kwakho konke lokho, wayehlala efake i-lipstick ebomvu, futhi izinzipho zakhe zazihlale zilungisiwe.

“Ngesikhathi ngiphothula izifundo zami, ngathola isibindi sokumbuza ukuthi usithole kanjani isikhathi. Wathi, “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngizizwa ngidangele kangakanani, ukugqoka kahle nokuzinakekela kungikhumbuza ukuthi ngingaqhubeka.” Ngisho namanje, ngiyamthanda owesifazane ozinika isikhathi sokuphumula, obonisa ukuzithanda . Uma ngikhangwa ngomunye wesifazane, cishe kungenxa yokuthi uyazinakekela.”

11. Ninezintshisekelo ezifanayo

Nakuba izinto eziphikisanayo zingakhanga ngempela, kuyisibusiso ukukhangwa othile othanda okungenani ezinye zezinto ezifana nezakho, u-Devaleena uphawula, “Ukukhanga kokuqala, ikakhulukazi, kungase kusekelwe ezintweni ezithakaselwayo ezifanayo ezivela engxoxweni yokuqala.”

“Ngizibophezele nabesifazane ngezinto ezincane njengokuba nekhofi efanayo noma ukufana kwezinwele. Bese kuba yizinto ezingathi sína kakhulu njengokuvumelana ngokuthi ubufeministi bubalulekile nokuthi uSpiderman uyiqhawe elikhulu kunawo wonke,” kuhleka uCharlotte. Izintshisekelo ezifanayo zenza ingxoxo ibe ntle futhi kuhlale kuyinduduzo ukwazi ukuthi ninesizathu esifanayo nomuntu enimthandayo. Ngezinye izikhathi, kumane nje ukuthi nobabili nithanda ukhilimu owengeziwe ekhofini lenu.

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12. Uyathanda ukuhleka kwakhe

“Bengilokhu ngithandana namadoda iminyaka eminingi, ngabe sengizithola ngikhangwa kakhulu yintombi yomngane wami,” kusho uDinah, “ngangingaqiniseki ukuthi kuyini ekuqaleni. Kwathi lapho ngiqala ukumazi, kwaba ukuthi akakaze adelele muntu njengehlaya. Kuzwakala njengento encane kakhulu, kodwa ngaqaphela ukuthi bengineminyaka eminingi ngizwa abesilisa nabesifazane bekhalana ngoba yilona kuphela ihlaya esasilazi. Nangu lona wesifazane owayenomoya wokuhleka , wakwazi ukuhlekisa futhi engafaneleki ngezinye izikhathi, kodwa engakaze adonsele muntu phansi. Ngangazi ukuthi kungenxa yalokhu.”

13. Ulalela ngokucophelela nangokucophelela

Ingabe bonke abesifazane bakhangwa abanye besifazane? Siyakungabaza. Kodwa uma engumlaleli omangalisayo futhi engenza noma ubani azizwe ekhululekile futhi amukelekile kunoma yisiphi isimo, kungenzeka ukuthi njengowesifazane ungase umthande. Ukulalela ngentshiseko cishe kuyisipho esikhulu kunazo zonke esingasinika labo esibathandayo, ukuze sibaqinisekise ukuthi bayazwiwa. Uma ubhekene nowesifazane oshadile uchoboze omunye wesifazane, kungase kube yingoba ekugcineni uzizwa uzwile.

“Ngishade nendoda iminyaka engu-15, futhi nganelisekile,” kusho u-Olivia, “Ngabe sengihlangana nozakwethu womyeni wami.

14. Uphakamisa abanye abantu besifazane

Kukhona okuthile ngowesifazane ohlale ebheka abanye abantu besifazane. Emphakathini lapho abesifazane bevame ukuxabana bodwa, owesifazane obamba udadewabo futhi akhuthaze abanye besifazane uyathandeka kakhulu. Awukho umthetho wokuthi bonke abesifazane kufanele babe abangane abakhulu noma bathandane.

Nokho, izinto ezincane ezinjengokuhlonipha imfashini yomunye wesifazane kanye/noma ukukhetha kwakhe indlela yokuphila, ukukhuthaza amabhizinisi aphethwe abantu besifazane, njll. zihamba ibanga elide ekwenzeni owesifazane athandeke ngempela. U-Astoria uthi: “Ngiyamthanda owesifazane oza kimi futhi angincome ngempahla yami noma omele okuwukuphela kwakhe omunye wesifazane egumbini eligcwele amadoda,” kusho u-Astoria, “ibonisa ukuhlakanipha, uzwela, nokuqwashisa, futhi iyathandeka njengesihogo.”

15. Unomusa kuye nakwabanye

Ngokwami, 'indoda enhle' ithole i-rap embi unomphela ngaphandle kwesizathu. Inkolelo yokuthi ukuba nomusa akukuyisi ndawo othandweni nasenkanukweni iyize. Ukukhetha indoda enhle kuwumqondo omuhle. Futhi lokho kuyafaneleka nakwabesifazane. Umusa nobuhle kuyizimfanelo ezinhle kakhulu futhi lapho ngikhula, kulapho ngiyazisa khona leyo mfanelo 'enhle' engachazeki.

"Kungani ngichoboza noma ngiwele kumuntu okhohlakele noma odelelayo noma ongenasimilo?" ezibuzisa uMia. Uma ngizizwa ngikhangwa owesifazane nowesifazane, ngifuna umuntu onomusa kwabanye, onomusa ezilwaneni, ohloniphekile ezisebenzini zenkonzo, njalonjalo. kungaba yinkimbinkimbi, ikakhulukazi uma ungakaze uzizwe noma uvume imizwa yothando ngomunye wesifazane.

imibuzo ejwayelekile ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Khumbula ukuthi ungathuki noma ucabange ukuthi kukhona okungalungile ngawe. Ungakubhali njengemizwa edlulayo, kodwa ungasekeli izinqumo ezinkulu zempilo (njengokushiya umyeni wakho) nakuzo. Hlala nayo futhi uzwe imizwa yakho. “Kubalulekile ukwamukela ukuthi akulungile ukukhangwa omunye wesifazane, ngisho noma ubuzazi ukuthi uthandana nobulili obuhlukile kuze kube manje.” Kodwa kuncike ngokuphelele kumuntu ukuthi uyafuna yini ukwenza ngokuvumelana nale mizwa yokukhangwa noma ukumgcina eseduze,” kusho uDevaleena.

Noma ngabe yisiphi isinqumo sakho, qiniseka ukuthi wenza okukujabulisayo. Ukwamukela ukuthi ubulili bakho bumanzi kakhulu noma buhluke ngokuphelele kunalokho obucabanga ukuthi kuwushintsho olukhulu. Yiba nomusa kuwe futhi uzinike isikhathi. Uthando luza ngezindlela eziningi kithi, kodwa kukithi ukuthi sikhetha ukuluthola kanjani.

Ukuthi uyaphi ukufuna uthando nakho kubalulekile ngoba isipiliyoni esingemnandi zisuka nje singakuvimbela ekuhloleni ubulili bakho. Uma ufuna ukuxhumana ngokothando nowesifazane okhangayo ohlola iningi, uma kungewona wonke, kulawa mabhokisi, izinkundla eziku-inthanethi ezidumile njengohlelo lokusebenza lokuqomisana lwe-Taimi ziyindawo enhle yokucwilisa izinzwane zakho kuleli chibi lokuphola elikhethekile.

Ngesikhathi esifanayo, uma unenkinga yokuqonda le mizwa yokukhangwa, ukukhuluma nochwepheshe oqeqeshiwe kungaba usizo olukhulu. Ngephaneli ye-Bonobology yabelaphi abanelayisensi nabanolwazi, abaningi babo abangochwepheshe ezindabeni eziphathelene nocansi, usizo olufanele lutholakala ngokuchofoza nje.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.