Imibuzo engama-36 Eholela Othandweni

Ngesinye isikhathi, umngane wami omkhulu wangibuza, “Uma ungathola ikhono elilodwa namuhla, bekungaba yini?” Ngaleso sikhathi, ngangingazi ukuthi wayengibuza omunye wemibuzo engu-36 eholela othandweni, ngakho ngangiwuthatha ngokunganaki futhi ngiphendula into ewubuwula. Le mibuzo, njengoba ngazi kamuva, isiza ekusheshiseni ukusondelana, ngisho naphakathi kwabantu ababili engingabazi. Kubize ukuhlolwa kwengqondo mayelana nothando, uma kungenzeka!

Isiteshi se-YouTube i-'Jubilee' sinochungechunge olubizwa ngokuthi i-Can Two Strangers Fall In Love With 36 Questions? URussell noKera bahlanganiswa ndawonye ukuze bahlangane bengaqondi. Ekupheleni kwevidiyo, le mibuzo ethokozisayo yokuthandana yabasiza ukuba bakhe induduzo kanye nobungane obuqinile. Kwenzeka into efanayo ku- Big Bang Theory . Cishe uyakhumbula uSheldon noPenny bethatha lo mbuzo wokuthandana kanye nohlobo lokusondelana abaluzwa ngemva kokubheka uhlu lwemibuzo yomuntu siqu ejulile.

Ukuxhumana okukudalayo phakathi kwabantu ababili akudingeki kube okothando oluvuthayo olubenza babe nobuhlobo bothando. Kungase futhi kube ukusondelana okukhulu kwe-platonic phakathi kwabangane ababili noma abantu obajwayele. Lunjalo uthando lwesimanje. Kuzwakala kungenakwenzeka, akunjalo? Khona-ke ake sijule futhi sithole okwengeziwe ngale mibuzo ukuze sijulise ukusondelana.

Yimiphi imibuzo engama-36 eholela othandweni?

Ucabanga ukuthi umbuzo ungakusiza ukuthi uthandane? Ikakhulukazi nomuntu ongamazi? Yileso sizathu lapho le mibuzo engu-36 ekwenza uthandane isekelwe khona. Njengoba idumile yisihloko se- New York Times esisakazwa kabanzi kanye nesifundo sengqondo mayelana nobudlelwano obuseduze, le mibuzo iyindlela entsha nentsha yokuthandana nomuntu ongamazi noma ukuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho nomlingani wakho.

Kusukela kulolu cwaningo kanye nokuthandwa kwalo kusukela endabeni ka-2015 kukholomu ethi Modern Love ebhalwe nguMandy Len Catron, ethi To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This , le mibuzo ithathe umhlaba wonke ngesivunguvungu. Ihlukaniswe ngezigaba ezintathu zemibuzo eyi-12 ngayinye, lokhu kuhlola ubuhlobo kungaba nomthelela omkhulu kunalokho ocabanga.

Ayigcini kubantu ongabazi kuphela. Imibhangqwana eshadile, abalingani ebudlelwaneni obusha noma besikhathi eside, kanye nabo bonke abantu abanentshisekelo yentsha kusayensi yezengqondo yomphakathi kanye nokuthuthukisa ukuxhumana okunenjongo bangakunikeza isibhamu. Kafushane nje, singathi ukuthanda noma ngubani, yenza lokhu! Kamuva, buyela kithi futhi uthathe isihloko sethu esithi 'Ingabe niyathandana ngempela?' Imibuzo ukuze ubone ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngalowo muntu.

Yadalwa kanjani imibuzo engu-36 eholela othandweni

Ngo-1997, uDkt. Arthur Aron kanye nozakwabo eStony Brook University bashicilela iphepha ku- Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin elisekelwe ochungechungeni lwezifundo eziphathelene nobuhlobo obuseduze. Umqondo walolu cwaningo kwakuwukubheka ukuthi ukusondelana nomuntu kusebenza kanjani ebuchosheni bomuntu kanye nesimo sengqondo somuntu, kanye nendlela ukusondelana phakathi kwabantu ababili abangabazi okungasheshiswa ngayo.

Njengesengezo salolu cwaningo, ithimba likaDkt. Aron leza nemibuzo engu-36 yokucela umuntu ukuthi athandane nayo, okwakungathatha cishe imizuzu engu-40-45 ukuyiphendula. UDkt. Aron wenze lolu vivinyo ngokunikeza le mibuzo indoda nowesifazane abathandana nabobulili obuhlukile, bobabili ababengazani nhlobo. Baphendule imibuzo kanye nokubukana kwamehlo okuqhubeka imizuzu engu-4 . Umphumela omangazayo kakhulu? Lo mbhangqwana washada ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha nje kuphela!

Indlela le mibuzo engu-36 eholela othandweni eklanywe ngayo mhlawumbe iyisici esibaluleke kakhulu empumelelweni yabo. Zihlelwe kusengaphambili ukuze zisize abantu bathuthukise imizwa yokusondelana futhi babe sengozini komunye nomunye, okuyizici ezibalulekile zothando. Qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole ucwaningo lwale mibuzo engama-36 yokuthi ungawela kanjani othandweni.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Zokukhanga Kwamagnetic Phakathi Kwabantu Ababili

Ucwaningo Olusemuva Kwemibuzo Engama-36 Eholela Othandweni

Yini eyenza abantu bathandane? Ngokuqinisekile, ungathanda ukumazi kangcono lowo muntu, ukuthi ungubani ngempela. Ngokwemvelo, kubonakala kumangalisa ukuthi isethi yemibuzo ingagcina inabantu ababili abathandanayo. Engxoxweni ne -Statesman , uDkt. Aron wabelana ngenqubo yakhe yokucabanga ngenkathi ethuthukisa le mibuzo edala ukusondelana. Uthi enye yezisekelo ezintathu zale ndlela “…ukuxhumana ngokwembula izinto zomuntu siqu. Akufanele kube ngokushesha kakhulu. ‘Okusheshayo kakhulu’ ngandlela thile kuyabacasula.

Ngakho-ke esikwenzile ukuthi siqhamuke neqoqo lemibuzo abantu abazibuza yona ekhula kancane kancane ebuntwini. Uyanezela, “Akukona kangako ukudalula izinto zomuntu siqu, kumayelana nomuzwa wokuthi uzwakale, kuwukusabela komunye umuntu.” Nazi izinto ezimbalwa okufanele uzikhumbule ngaphambi kokuthi sifike emibuzweni ewumlingo ekwenza uthandeke:

• Kwatholakala ukuthi ubungozi ebudlelwaneni kanye nokuziveza kudlale indima enkulu ekuthuthukiseni okunamathiselwe
• Lapho izihloko zocwaningo zehlisa kancane kancane uhlu 'lwemibuzo engu-36 eholela othandweni', zagcina seziqala ukwakha ukwethembana komunye nomunye.
• Esinye isihluthulelo sempumelelo yalokhu kuhlola ukuhambisana. Ngeke kusebenze ngaphandle uma zombili izihloko zisingatha umbuzo ngamunye ngokwethembeka okuphelele
• Yize imibuzo ingaqinisekisiwe ukuthi izokwenza nithandane, ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi bebenekhono ekwakheni imizwa yokusondelana nokuqondana.

Uhlu Lwemibuzo Engu-36 Eholela Othandweni

Indlela yokubuza le mibuzo komunye wakho obalulekile, umngane oseduze, noma omunye umuntu ofuna ukuxhumana naye, ikukhipha endaweni yakho yokunethezeka futhi ikuphoqelele ngobuqili ukuthi uveze izinto ezimayelana nawe obungeke ujwayele ukukhuluma ngazo. Imibuzo ihlakaniphile ngoba isiza abantu ukuba baqonde ukubaluleka kokuziveza kancane kancane. 

Kusukela endabeni yokuphila kwakho kuya enkingeni yomuntu siqu noma esikhathini esihlazisayo kuya enkumbulweni eyigugu, konke kuzovela kancane kancane engxoxweni. Ngakho-ke, uma ufuna imibuzo edala ukusondelana ukuze ubuze umuntu omthandayo noma imibuzo ebuthakathaka ukuze ubuze umlingani wakho ukuze ajulise isibopho esingokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni benu, nansi isethi ephelele yemibuzo yokuwela othandweni enayo yonke imibuzo engu-36:

Setha I

Abantu abaningi ngeke bakhululeke ukukhuluma ngokuhlukumezeka kwabo kwasebuntwaneni noma okuthile okuqondene nomuntu abangamazi ekuqaleni. Sikhumbula lokho, kule mibuzo engu-36 eholela ohlwini lwezothando, embalwa yokuqala yayiklanywe njengemikhumbi ephihliza iqhwa, ejabulisa kakhulu futhi ethakazelisayo, ukuze ibenze bakhululeke lapho bephakathi komunye nomunye. Uma ungenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ungayiqala kanjani ingxoxo nomuntu othathekile, nazi izinto ezimbalwa eziphephile ongababuza zona ezizobenza babe nentshisekelo kuwe:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-9 Ezenzekayo Lapho Indoda Isengozini Ngowesifazane

1. Uma unikezwe ukukhetha kwanoma ubani emhlabeni, ubani ongamfuna njengesivakashi sedina? 

2. Ungathanda ukuduma? Ngayiphi indlela? 

3. Ngaphambi kokuba ushaye ucingo, uyake ukuprakthize lokho ozokusho? Kungani? 

4. Yini engaba usuku 'oluphelele' kuwe? 

5. Ugcine nini ukuziculela? Komunye umuntu? 

6. Uma ukwazi ukuphila uze ube neminyaka engama-90 futhi ugcine ingqondo noma umzimba womuntu oneminyaka engama-30 iminyaka engu-60 yokugcina yokuphila kwakho, ungafunani? 

7. Ingabe unayo imfihlo yokuthi uzofa kanjani? 

8. Qamba izinto ezintathu wena nomlingani wakho enibonakala nifana ngazo.

9. Yini ekuphileni kwakho ozizwa uyibonga kakhulu? 

10. Uma ungashintsha okuthile ngendlela okhuliswe ngayo, kungaba yini? 

11. Thatha imizuzu emine bese uxoxela umlingani wakho impilo yakho ngemininingwane eminingi ngangokunokwenzeka. 

12. Uma ungavuka kusasa usuzuze noma iyiphi imfanelo noma ikhono, bekungaba yini?

Setha II

Manje njengoba usuphumile ezikhathini zokuqala ezingathandeki , sekuyisikhathi sokwazi ezinye zezici ezibalulekile zomuntu ohlezi eceleni kwakho. Isibonelo, amaphupho akhe nemigomo yakhe empilweni, izindinganiso zakhe nokuziphatha kwakhe, imingcele yakhe yempumelelo nothando, njalo njalo. Futhi, yile ndlela isethi yesibili yemibuzo yokuthandana ehlelwe ngayo:

13. Uma i-crystal ball ingakutshela iqiniso ngawe, impilo yakho, ikusasa, nanoma yini enye, yini obungathanda ukuyazi? 

14. Ikhona into osunesikhathi eside ufisa ukuyenza? Kungani ungakwenzi? 

15. Iyiphi into enkulu kunazo zonke oyifezile ekuphileni kwakho? 

16. Yini oyithanda kakhulu ebunganeni? 

17. Iyiphi inkumbulo oyithanda kakhulu? 

18. Iyiphi inkumbulo yakho embi kakhulu? 

19. Uma bewazi ukuthi ngonyaka owodwa uzofa ngokuzumayo, ingabe ubungashintsha okuthile ngendlela ophila ngayo manje? Kungani? 

20. Busho ukuthini ubungane kuwena? 

21. Iyiphi indima uthando nothando olunayo ekuphileni kwakho? 

22. Okunye ukwabelana ngento oyibheka njengesici esihle somlingani wakho. Yabelana ngesamba sezinto ezinhlanu. 

23. Usondelene futhi ufudumele kangakanani umkhaya wakho? Ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi ubungane bakho bebujabule ngaphezu kokwabanye abantu abaningi? 

24. Uzizwa kanjani ngobudlelwane bakho nomama wakho?

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezilula Eziyi-15 Zokumenza Athandane Nawe

Setha III

Lesi yisigaba lapho umdlalo ufika kwelinye izinga. Imibuzo ekule sethi ingase ibonakale ishaya umoya kodwa ihloselwe ukufinyelela imizwa yakho ejulile futhi ikhiphe imizwa nezambulo ezithambile. Ikhuluma ngemingcele yakho, imibono yakho ezindabeni ezithile, izinto ozibambele eduze kwenhliziyo yakho, nalokho okukwephulayo.

Ukuphendula lokhu kungaba yinto enkulu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni obusafufusa; kufana nokuthi usesikhathini sakho seshumi ukuze wazi okuthile okuyimfihlo ngalowo muntu. Noma ngabe uyakholwa noma cha, imibuzo ejulile kangaka yemibhangqwana inamandla okubasondeza lapho behlukana ebuhlotsheni futhi:

25. Yenza izitatimende ezintathu eziyiqiniso ezithi “Sina” ngayinye. Isibonelo, "Sobabili sikuleli gumbi sizizwa..."

26. Qedela lo musho: “Ngifisa sengathi ngabe nginothile engingabelana naye…”

27. Uma ungaba umngane oseduze nomuntu wakho, sicela wabelane ngalokho okungabaluleka ukuthi bakwazi. 

28. Tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi yini oyithandayo ngaye; thembeka kakhulu kulokhu, usho izinto ongase ungazisho kumuntu osanda kuhlangana naye. 

29. Yabelana nomlingani wakho isikhathi esinamahloni empilweni yakho. 

30. Ugcine nini ukukhala phambi komunye umuntu? Wedwa? 

31. Tshela umlingani wakho okuthile osukuthanda ngaye. 

32. Yini, uma ikhona, engathi sína kakhulu ukuba singahlekwa ngayo? 

33. Uma ungase ufe namuhla kusihlwa ungenalo ithuba lokukhuluma namuntu, yini obungazisola ngayo kakhulu ngokuthi awumtshelanga othile? Kungani ungakabatsheli? 

34. Indlu yakho, equkethe konke onakho, isha. Ngemva kokulondoloza obathandayo nezilwane ezifuywayo, unesikhathi sokwenza udeshi wokugcina ngokuphephile ukuze ulondoloze noma iyiphi into eyodwa. Bekungaba yini? Kungani? 

35. Kubo bonke abantu bomndeni wakho, ukufa kukabani ongakuthola kukukhathaza kakhulu? Kungani? 

36. Hlanganyela ngenkinga yakho bese ubuza umlingani wakho ukuthi angayisingatha kanjani. Futhi, cela umlingani wakho ukuthi acabangele emuva kuwe ngendlela obonakala uzizwa ngayo ngenkinga oyikhethile.

Ingabe 'Imibuzo Engu-36 Eholela Othandweni' Isebenzela Imibhangqwana?

Le mibuzo igxile ezingxenyeni ezihlukene zempilo yomuntu, njengobudlelwane bakhe nomndeni wabo, ubungane babo, indlela abazibona ngayo, njll. Lokhu kubuye kube usizo ikakhulukazi ngosuku lokuqala. Phela imibuzo engu-36 eholela othandweni ilungele abantu abangakwazi ukubamba ingxoxo. Ngale ndlela, ukhuluma ngezinto ezibalulekile futhi usungula ukusondelana esikhundleni sokukhiqiza ingxoxo ekha phezulu.

UGloria, umfundi oseneminyaka emine ethandana, wabelane ngolwazi lwakhe, “Umngane wami uthole lesi sihloko esithi Imibuzo Yokumenza Athandane . Mina ngokwami ​​​​ngangicabanga ukuthi kwakuyisithelo sokuchofoza kodwa wangincenga ukuthi ngizame lokhu ngosuku lwami olulandelayo. Ngakwenza, futhi wazini! Mina noShaun sahlala endaweni yokudlela amahora ama-5, sixoxa nje futhi sixoxa.

"Futhi ingxenye engcono kakhulu ukuthi le 'mibuzo yokumenza athandane' ayizange izwakale njengezinto ezihlukene engxoxweni yethu. Ngemva kwemibuzo embalwa yokuqala, yaphenduka imibuzo yokwakha ubudlelwano engangifuna ngempela izimpendulo zakhe kuyo. Yileyo ndlela okwaqala ngayo, futhi sibheke manje."

Into eyodwa efanayo kuzo zonke izinsuku ukuthi le nqubo yasiza ukudlula imibuzo nezimpendulo ezingenamsebenzi, kanye nengxenye engathandeki futhi ekha phezulu yokwazi othile. Noma ngabe i-platonic noma yothando, bonke ubudlelwano budinga ukwethembana, ukusondelana, kanye nolwazi lokuthi lo muntu uyakuthanda. Futhi uma lokho kuwumgomo wakho, kufanele uhambe ngokuphelele nale mibuzo ejulile ukuze ubuze uzakwethu futhi uzibonele imiphumela.

Uma imibuzo ingakuqinisekisi uthando, isiza ngani?

Abacwaningi abakha indlela 'yemibuzo engu-36 eholela othandweni' bacacisa ukuthi le mibuzo ayikwenzi ngempela nithandane. Nakuba abanye abantu beye bathanda le nqubo, abanye baye bakha ubuhlobo obujulile, futhi abanye bathole ukujwayelana okunethezeka nabantu abangabazi. Imibuzo ivula ukuba sengozini kanye nobuqotho.

Imibuzo enengqondo mayelana nabangane nomndeni isiza omunye umuntu ukuthi azi kabanzi mayelana nobudlelwano obuseduze empilweni yakho, nokuthi kubaluleke kangakanani kuwena. Eminye imibuzo ihlola ukuthi ungaba sengozini futhi uthembeke kangakanani kumlingani wakho, izici ezivame ukutholwa kamuva ebudlelwaneni obungase bube khona. Lokhu kudala umuzwa wokunethezeka, ukwethembana, ukuhlobana, nokusondelana.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-3 Zokuthuthukisa Ubudlelwano Bakho Obuseduze

UDkt. Aron ukholelwa ukuthi kubalulekile ukushintshana ngokuphendula umbuzo ngamunye ngesikhathi. Engxoxweni abe nayo nomagazini iBrides , wabelane ngokuthi, “Uma wembula izinto ezijulile komunye umuntu, bese yena ekwembulela zona, uzizwa uphephile ngakho. Cishe uzosabela ngoba kuya ngokuya kubuya. Le ngxenye ibalulekile.”

Uma kukhulunywa ngemibuzo engu-36 eholela othandweni, akulona uthando lothando oluwumgomo wokugcina. Uthando lungaba ngezinhlobo ezahlukene - uthando, uthando oluhambisanayo, noma umndeni. Umphumela wokugcina walo lonke uvivinyo ukwakha uxhumano olujulile lomphefumulo , noma ngabe nihlukana ngendlela enokuthula. Uxhumano oluzodlula ukungakhululeki nokungathembani kwasekuqaleni. Uma ungabophana kanjalo nomuntu onemibuzo engu-36 kuphela, kungani ungenzi kanjalo?

Le ndatshana ibuyekezwe ngoJuni, 2023. 

Ukuthi Ngiyakuthanda Okokuqala - Imibono Ephelele engu-13

Ungamkhipha Kanjani Ukuze Umenze Akufune - Umhlahlandlela Wezinyathelo Eziyi-15

I-Platonic Soulmate - Iyini? 8 Izimpawu Uzithole Ezakho

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

Bheka Inqubo Yethu Yokuhlela

Hlangana Nebhodi Lethu Lokubuyekeza

Yabelana Ngempendulo

Ithini impendulo yakho?

×

Eziwusizo Bika Iphutha Izincwajana zemininingwane

Hambisa