Izinto Eziyi-10 Okufanele Uzenze Uma Uhlukana Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Uyazi ukuthi niyahlukana ebudlelwaneni lapho izinsuku zezinganekwane zibonakala njengezinto zesikhathi esedlule. I-mushiness, izingcingo ezingaphelelwa yisikhathi, izikhathi zasebusuku zika-ayisikhilimu - konke kubonakala kuyiphupho elikude. Uma ukhumbula izinsuku ezimnandi zakudala, noma, okubi nakakhulu, akunjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi udlula esigabeni esinzima ebudlelwaneni. Futhi izinkumbulo zezinsuku zokuqala zenganekwane, noma isigaba se-honeymoon, yizo zonke osusele ukuze ubambelele kuzo.

Kukhona okukhona impela. Ukuhlala nophathina okude kungakushiya uzizwa ungakhululekile ngempela. Ukulahlekelwa uthando, ukuzizwa unqamukile komunye nomunye, nokuba ngaphandle nabangane ngaphezu kokuba nindawonye kuyizimpawu ezimbalwa nje zokuthi ubuhlobo benu buyawohloka. Ngakho-ke, ingabe lokho kusho ukuthi isiphetho sendlela yakho nomlingani wakho? Ngenhlanhla, cha. Ungakwazi ukuguqula izinto noma kulesi sigaba, futhi silapha ukuze sikutshele kahle ukuthi kanjani.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuhlukana Phakathi Ebudlelwaneni?

Uyazi, amabhodlela e-soda aphuma kanjani ngemva kokuvulwa kwekepisi? Cabanga ukuthi isifaniso sokukhula ngokwehlukana. Cabanga ngobudlelwano bakho njengebhodlela le-Coke. Ngenkathi ivaliwe futhi ingavuliwe, i-fizz ayiguquki. I-fizz ingubuhle bobudlelwane. Uma lelo bhodlela lishiywa livuliwe futhi lingagadiwe isikhathi eside, i-fizz iphuma kancane, ishiye uketshezi olunoshukela. Yilokho kanye okwenzeka ebudlelwaneni lapho ungaqapheli futhi ungasikhuthazi isibopho sakho. Inhlansi iqala ukucisha futhi uzizwa uqhelelene kakhulu nomlingani wakho.

Ukwehlukana ebudlelwaneni kwenzeka uma ungasa:

• Xhumana nozakwenu
• Yabelanani ngemininingwane yezimpilo zenu nomunye nomunye
• Izwa isidingo sokugona noma ukuthintana
• Bhekani emehlweni noma nikhiphe isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye

Uvele ungene nje ezitolo zakho bese ulala embhedeni. Izingxoxo zakho zikhawulelwe kokuthi “Ufunani ngesidlo sakusihlwa?” noma “Ukhokhele isikweletu/ukhiphe udoti/uqede lowo msebenzi?” Lezi ezinye zezimpawu ezingabonakali ukuthi uyahlukana emshadweni.

Uma ningabashadikazi abahlukanayo, ukhiye wukungavumeli isikhala esikhula njalo phakathi kwenu sifike kini. Bonke ubudlelwano buyaphela ngesinye isikhathi. Kufika eqophelweni lapho ningathumeleli imiyalezo nsuku zonke, ningasachithi isikhathi nindawonye, ​​noma nithathe uhambo lwangezimpelaviki ndawonye. Umane ulenga lapho, uthatha ubudlelwano njengento nje futhi awuzimisele ukubuyisela i-fizz ebudlelwaneni. Ake sijule sijule ukuthi kungani lokho kwenzeka.

Yini edala ukuthi izithandani zihlukane

Udokotela Wezengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle ubeka kahle kakhulu lapho ethi, “Isiqhwaga singumuntu onobuthi kakhulu ongaba naye. Abakuvumeli ukuthi ube ngumuntu wakho, futhi bahamba phezu kobuqotho bakho.” Njengoba esho, ukungavumeli umlingani wakho abe ngumuntu wakhe kufana nokumhlukumeza.

Ngakho-ke, mhlawumbe niyahlukana emshadweni ngoba omunye umlingani ubheka omunye njengomuntu odinga ukulungiswa*. Ingabe omunye kini uhlala ezama ukuguqula omunye ngokuyisisekelo? Uma kunjalo, khona-ke kungenye yezimpawu zobudlelwano benu ukuthi buyawa . Ake sibheke ezinye izizathu ezingaba khona zalokhu:

1. Ukungakwazi ukudala ibhalansi

Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukulinganisela okungalungile emsebenzini nasekuphileni kuthinta kabi ubudlelwano bomuntu siqu. Abantu bavame ukusebenza ngokweqile, bacindezeleke, bese bekhipha konke kubalingani babo. Ngakho-ke, esinye sezizathu zokuhlukana kungaba ukungakwazi ukuthola ukulingana okufanele.

Ubudlelwano buyaphazamiseka uma kukhona ukungalingani. Umsebenzi nobudlelwano, umndeni nobudlelwano, abangane nobudlelwano, isikhathi sami kanye nobudlelwano… uhlu luyahamba. Ukuze uthole lokho kulinganisela, kufanele wenze umzamo ngamabomu ebudlelwaneni , akuzenzekeli nje ngokwako.

Ngibone imibhangqwana eminingi ikhula ngokwehlukana, ngenxa yokuntuleka kokuphatha isikhathi kanye namakhono amabi okuhlela. Ukwenza yonke into ngenani elifanele kuyimfihlo yokuthokoza epharadesi lakho lothando. Ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nozakwenu kanye nokuzingcwaba emsebenzini ukuze ugweme ukubhekana nokunganakwa kobudlelwane benu zombili ziyizibonelo zamaphutha obudlelwano obujwayelekile angagcina ethathela phezulu isibopho sakho.

2. Ukungalaleli ngokwanele

U-Art Rios encwadini yakhe ethi, Let's Talk: ...Mayelana Nokwenza Impilo Yakho Ijabulise, Ibe Lula, Futhi Ivelele , uveza ngokufanele, "Uma ngicabanga ngabantu engibathandayo, imfanelo iningi labo elinayo ukuthi bayizilaleli ezinhle kakhulu. Kwabaningi bethu, sihlala sifuna ukungena ngendlela engaqondakali, lokho esinomuzwa wokuthi kubaluleke kakhulu ukukusho. Kodwa-ke, uma besifunda ukulalela ngaphezu kokukhuluma, besingaba nezingxoxo ezingcono futhi sakhe ukuxhumana okujulile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, bekuyoba nokungaqondani okuncane emhlabeni."

I-Art Rios inengqondo ngokuphelele. Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana okuphumelelayo kungaba yimbangela yokuthi ubudlelwano benu buqhekeke. Ingabe ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho afunde ingqondo yakho ngendlela eyisimangaliso? Awukwazi yini ukuveza izidingo zakho, izifiso zakho, kanye nezinto ozifunayo? Lezi yizimpawu zokuthi unezinkinga ezinkulu zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho.

3. Ukulindela kakhulu

Umlingisi uJeff Bridges wake wathi, “Empilweni nasemafilimini, kuyinselele efanayo, lapho usuke ulindele khona, futhi ugcina usesimweni esingahambisani nalokho okulindele. Ngakho-ke, mhlawumbe ubuhlobo bakho buyahlukana ngoba ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho abe isithandwa sakho, umama wakho, umngane wakho omkhulu, umeluleki wakho, konke ngesikhathi esisodwa.

Ukubeka okulindelwe ngendlela engokoqobo kungenye yezinselele zobudlelwano cishe wonke umuntu okufanele abhekane nazo . Ngezikhathi ezithile, zikhumbuze ukuthi umlingani wakho ungomunye umuntu nje hhayi umuntu waphezulu ongakwazi ukwenza amaphutha. Esinye sezizathu ezivame kakhulu zokuhlukana ukuthi abalingani abaxoleli amaphutha omunye nomunye.

Kodwa ungayeka kanjani ukukhukhuleka ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe ufuna izindlela zokwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo futhi uzizwe uxhumeke kumlingani wakho futhi? Ungakhathazeki, sikutholele umhlane! Nazi ezinye izindlela zokuphinda uxhumane nozakwenu.

Izinto Eziyi-10 Okufanele Uzenze Uma Uhlukana Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

“Intombi yami ikude, sesihlukene kakhulu.” “Siza, ubudlelwano bami buyaphela”. “Isoka lami libonakala lingenandaba ngokomzwelo, ingabe ubudlelwano bami buphelile?” “Ngizizwa sengathi angisamazi umkami/umyeni wami. Ngenzenjani?” Kungenzeka ukuthi ulapha namuhla ngoba ubhekene nokukhathazeka okufanayo. Kodwa, njengoba kushiwo ngaphambili, kungokwemvelo ukuthi ubudlelwano buphele ngezikhathi ezithile. Okubonakala sengathi ukuphela, kungase kungabi yikho ngempela. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuthi uphambanise lokhu njengenye yezimpawu ezinkulu zobudlelwano bese uhlukana, nikeza lawa macebiso okuthi ungaphinde uhlangane kanjani ebudlelwaneni ithuba:

1. Qala ngokuthinta

Uma ubunguhlobo lombhangqwana obambane ngezandla ezitolo ezinkulu, ukuntuleka kokuthintana ngokomzimba okubangelwa ukuba kude ebudlelwaneni kungaba yinto eyesabekayo ngoba niphumelele kukho. Ngakho-ke, qala ngokuthinta ngezikhathi ezithile, uhlobo olunentshisekelo kodwa olungeyona eyocansi. Abantu bakhelwe ukuzwa ukuxhumana ngokuthinta futhi lezi yizindlela eziqinisekile zokuxhumanisa nomlingani ngemva kwesimo esinzima:

• Ukumbambatha okulula engalweni/emhlane/ehlombe
• Ukugona okufushane/ukuqabula izihlathi ngaphambi kokuya emsebenzini
• Ubeke ikhanda lakho ehlombe labo
• Ukuphulula amahlombe/izandla zabo

2. Thatha isinyathelo sokuqala

Uyazi ukuthi ukhula kakhulu kunomuntu omthandayo uma nilapho kodwa ningekho ngempela. Ungase ube matasa ngamafoni akho, futhi ngaphandle kokushintshana ngolwazi ngezikhathi ezithile, awunalutho ongalukhuluma. Ngakho-ke, thatha isinyathelo sokuqala. Esikhundleni sokumboza amakhanda akho ngamafoni akho noma ama-laptop, qala ukuxhumana emehlweni bese uqala ingxoxo.

Ungabulungisa kanjani ubudlelwano obuhlukana phakathi? Ungasebenzisi ifoni yakho njengendawo yokubalekela. Kubeke eceleni ngokushesha bese ulungisa inkinga nophathina wakho. Uma umlingani wakho esatshala imali ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, bebengeke bayigweme ingxoxo. Ungavumeli amagajethi akho angakudonseli kude komunye nomunye.

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3. Ungadlali umdlalo wokusola

Kulula ukusolana ngokungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni. Eqinisweni, abantu abaningi bamane baphendukela ekushintsheni icala uma bengakwazi ukuthola ukuthi yini ngempela engalungile ngobudlelwano. Kulula ukusho:

• "Usebenza kakhulu"
• “Uchitha isikhathi esiningi nabangane bakho”
• “Awusangivumi”

Faka elithi 'wena' esikhundleni sika-'thina'. Esikhundleni sokusola omunye komunye, zama ukukhuluma ngezisombululo. Awukho lapho ukuze uthole ukuthi ubani onecala ngebanga elingene ebuhlotsheni benu; ukwenza kanjalo ngeke kufeze noma iyiphi injongo. Nisemunye futhi nisebenza ndawonye ukuze nizikhiphe kulo mkhuba enikuwo. Ngakho-ke sebenzelani kukho, hhayi ngokumelene nomunye. Lokhu kuyinto ebalulekile okufanele uyikhumbule ngokukhula njengombhangqwana.

4. Buyisa inhlansi

Buyisa ukuhamba kuka-ayisikhilimu phakathi kwamabili noma ukushayela okungalindelekile. Noma yini efanayo eniyijabulela kakhulu nobabili. Nazi izibonelo:

• Uma amamuvi aphakathi kwamabili abeyinto yakho kanye, zama ukwenza lokho kanye ngenyanga
• Uma ukujabulele ukulingisa, mmangaze ngokuhlukahluka kwe-sub dom kwe-cosplay
• Uma benijwayele ukuthenga ndawonye, ​​yenzani isiko langeSonto eningaphuthelwa ngalo

Akuyona yonke imizamo yakho engase yamukelwe kahle, kodwa okungenani wenza imizamo emincane eyenza umehluko omkhulu. Uma umlingani wakho, naye, efuna ukuphinde axhumane, uzobonga umzamo futhi abuyisele. Ukuze uyeke ukuhlukana phakathi ebudlelwaneni, kufanele ukhumbuze umlingani wakho ngakho konke obekunihlanganisa kwasekuqaleni. Kuzophinde kuvuleke imigudu yokukhuluma ngokonakala ebudlelwaneni.

5. Ungayivezi imizwa yakho

Ukwazi ukunikeza isikhala ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokuhlukana kubaluleke kakhulu. Eqinisweni, ukuchitha isikhathi ebudlelwaneni kungaba nempilo enhle kakhulu uma kuphathwa ngendlela efanele. Isibonelo, kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa udabuke futhi uthukuthele ngezinye izikhathi. Uma lokho kwenzeka, ukuthethisa umlingani wakho kungadala ukungezwani okungadingekile okungeke nje kwenezele emizweni yakho emibi kodwa futhi kuthinte kabi ubuhlobo bakho. Akukho okuhle okungaphuma kukho. Kufanele uthole izindlela ezinempilo zokuphatha ukukhathazeka kwakho . Futhi ukuvumelana isikhathi nendawo kungaba yindlela enhle yokucubungula imizwa yakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ivelaphi.

Uma usuqedile ukuthatha isikhala, qiniseka ukuthi nichitha isikhathi ndawonye. Indlela elula yokuxhuma kabusha ubudlelwano bakho ukuchitha isikhathi esihle ne-SO yakho. Okubalulekile wukubona inkinga bese uyilungisa esikhundleni sokulungisa okufanayo. Cabanga ngezinsuku ezijabulisayo futhi ubonise umlingani wakho ukuthi ubudlelwano bungaba ngcono kunangaphambili.

6. Qala ingxoxo

Uma umlingani wakho ejwayele ukukuthumelela imiyalezo ngesikhathi somsebenzi (futhi wena ukuthandile) kodwa engasakwenzi, mshiyele umbhalo onomusa ukuze umtshele ukuthi ukujabulele kangakanani. “Ngiyithandile indlela ebesithumela ngayo imiyalezo ngisho sisasebenza. Kungenzeka ukuthi baphuthelwa yilokhu kodwa bayekile ngenxa yokuthi abazange bakuthole ukuphindisela ababekulindele, futhi ngenxa yalokho, bacabange ukuthi awuzange ukwazise ukukuthumela kwabo imiyalezo.

Yingakho ukubeka imicabango yakho lapho kanye nokuxhumana ngokwethembeka kubaluleke kakhulu. Kungase kuvele ukuthi nobabili nicabanga futhi nilangazelela into efanayo. Futhi lokho kuqaphela kungaba i-ice breaker enkulu. Nokho, ungagxili kakhulu noma ufune ngenkani ngakho. Vele uyiveze ukuze ubone ukuthi umlingani wakho uphendula kanjani. Ithiphu ebaluleke kakhulu yokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukukhukhuleka ebudlelwaneni ukuveza izifiso zakho, noma ngabe ukwenza kanjalo kuzizwa ungakhululekile.

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7. Phatha ubuhlobo bakho njengobusha sha

Khumbula ukunaka kwakho kumlingani wakho ngenkathi uqala ukuphuma? Phatha ubuhlobo bakho kanjalo njengamanje. Kunokuba uhlale ekhaya ukhononde, “Umyeni wami uncamela ukubukela i-TV kunokuchitha isikhathi nami” noma “Umkami uthanda iqembu lakhe lamantombazane ngaphezu kwami”, yenza okuthile ngakho!

Zimisele ukuphinda uhehe umlingani wakho, udlale ngothando, umyenge, ubuyise ukudlala nokuklabalasa. Kungase kubonakale kuyinqaba ekuqaleni, kodwa kungasiza. Buyisa leso sigaba se-honeymoon. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokuphinda uxhumane nozakwenu:

• Shiya okuncane okunamathelayo amanothi othando ocingweni/edeskini labo, bethi “Ngiyabonga ngokuba sempilweni yami”
• Bashayele ucingo nje ukuze uthi, "Sawubona. Ube nosuku oluhle oluzayo, Love"
• Dlala ngabo/ usho into efana nokuthi, “Ukujima futhi? Akumangalisi ukuthi usunawo wonke lowo msipha”

8. Hlela izinto eziza kuqala kuwe

Omunye wabafundi bethu wasibhalela, “Anginalutho olufana nomyeni wami. Ngicela ungisize, ubudlelwano bami buyaphela!”. Ezimweni ezinjengalezi, abalingani baqala ukufuna iziphazamiso kwenye indawo. Lokho akusho ukuthi umlingani wakho ulala nomunye umuntu . Bangase baphume nabangani ubusuku obuningi kakhulu bulandelana. Noma babuyise umsebenzi ekhaya.

Uma ungomunye walabo abashadikazi abahlukanayo, sekuyisikhathi sokuletha izibhamu ezinkulu. Yenza omunye nomunye abe kuqala kuwe. Akumele ube nokuthandwa okufanayo nezintshisekelo ezifanayo ukuze uphinde uxhumane. Ungasebenza kanzima futhi ubheke izinto ezintsha enizijabulela nobabili. Unezinketho ezimbili, khula ndawonye noma nihlukane - ukukhetha kungokwakho. Futhi uma ubazisa ubuhlobo bakho, bulula, futhi obuzofaneleka wonke umsebenzi onzima nomzamo.

9. Phinda uvakashele izindawo ezindala

Ingabe zikhona izindawo ezithile ozivakashele ekuqaleni kobudlelwano? Mhlawumbe ikhefi engaphesheya kwekolishi lenu lapho nobabili nakhuluma ngemizwa yenu okokuqala ngqa? Phakamisa ukuya lapho. Ingabe waqala ukwenza emathuneni? Zama ukuya lapho futhi futhi uthathe uhambo wehla ngomzila wenkumbulo. Lezi zenzo ezibonakala zilula zingenza umehluko omkhulu uma uzama ukuyeka ukuhlukana phakathi ebudlelwaneni futhi uvuselele uthando nokusondelana ngokocansi.

Lapho umlingani oyedwa ekhula futhi omunye engakhuli, kungaba nzima ukuthola izinto ezifanayo ukuze uxhumane. Yilapho ukukhumbula ukuthi yini enihlanganisile kwasekuqaleni kungakunikeza ukucaciseleka kokuthi kungani nisandawonye. Abantu bayashintsha. Kulungile futhi kwenzeka ngaso sonke isikhathi. Isihluthulelo somshado ojabulisayo siwukuvuma lezo zinguquko. Ungakhula ezimpilweni zakho ezihlukene kodwa uthole izindlela zokuhlala uxhumekile.

10. Yenza uthando, ungagcini nje ukwenza ucansi

Ebudlelwaneni obunamathele emuva, noma emgodini, ucansi luba ukukhululeka kwengcindezi noma ukuvuselelwa kwesikhashana kokuxhumana. Kodwa lokho akuvamile ukuhlala. Musa nje ukwenza ucansi. Yenzani uthando komunye nomunye. Khuluma ngalokho okuthandile ngesikhathi seseshini yokwenza uthando nokuthi yini enye ongathanda ukuyenza. Uthando nothando kudlala indima enkulu ekukusondezeni ebudlelwaneni obuhlukanayo, ngakho gonani, nixoxisane, futhi nihlanganyele kothile ngemva kokudlala.

Ukuhlukana phakathi ebudlelwaneni akusho ukuphela kobudlelwane. Yazi ukuthi kungokwesikhashana kodwa kuphathe ngesixazululo saphakade. Indlela yokunikeza isikhala ebuhlotsheni ngaphandle kokukhukhuleka kuyingxenye ebalulekile yabo. Futhi, ungalokothi uzizwe unecala ngokukhula kwakho. Yeka ukuphatheka kabi ngabantu abakhulile abanethuba lokukhula nawe.

Ekugcineni, uDkt. Bhonsle uyeluleka, “Kufanele uthathe ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana ukuze wazi ukuthi umi kuphi nokuthi kungani umi lapho. Uchwepheshe wezokwelapha uzokunikeza iseluleko esiqondile futhi uzogcina imfihlo (ngokungafani nezihlobo zakho/omakhelwane/abangane). Iningi lamakhasimende ami seliphinde lahlangana ngemva kokuthatha ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana.” Uma ufuna usizo lochwepheshe, abeluleki bethu abavela kuphaneli yeBonobology baseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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