Kubantu abaningi ukukopela emshadweni kuyisono esikhulu. Uma uzibophezela kumuntu othile, kufanele ube yedwa futhi wethembeke - iqiniso eliye laqoshwa etsheni kusukela kudala. Ngeshwa, izibalo zokungathembeki zifakazela okuhlukile. Ake sizame ukuqonda imibono eyiphutha evamile ezungeze ukungathembeki - noma izinganekwane namaqiniso mayelana nokukhohlisa!
Nakuba izibalo zingaba nezimo eziningana engxenyeni ngayinye yezinkomba zamasiko, ubuhlanga, ezezimali kanye nezenhlalo - zikhomba ngokuqinisekile ukuthi ukukopela kuvame kakhulu kunalokho esikucabangayo. Amaqiniso esayensi asekelwe ocwaningweni mayelana nokukopela abonisa futhi ukuthi akubona bonke ubudlelwano oba nesiphetho esifanayo ngenxa yokungathembeki. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukukopela kwenzeka emazingeni ahlukene nangezindlela ezahlukene.
Umbuzo uwukuthi: ingabe siyazi konke okudingeka ukwazi uma kuziwa ekungathembeki?
20 Izinganekwane Namaqiniso Ngokukopela Emshadweni
Okuqukethwe
Ngokusho kwePew Research Centre , abantu baseMelika abangaphezu kuka-90% babheka ukungathembeki njengokuziphatha okubi kodwa cishe abantu baseMelika abangu-30% kuya ku-40% bakhohlisa abalingani babo. Kolunye ucwaningo olwenziwe yi-YouGov.com, abantu abangu-19% abaphendulile bathi bake benza izenzo zocansi ngaphandle kobudlelwano babo bamanje.
Emasikweni athandwayo, ukungathembeki ngokuvamile 'kuyisiphelo' uma kukhulunywa ngobudlelwano. Ngisho nasesimweni sabantu abadumile - kusukela kuJohn F. Kennedy kuya kuNkosazana Diana kuya kuBill Clinton - isahlulelo somphakathi sinzima futhi isijeziso sishesha. Kodwa uma uhlehla ubheke icala ngalinye ngobuqotho, kunezinto eziningi ezingafundwa.
Ngakho nazi ezinye izinganekwane namaqiniso mayelana nokukopela emshadweni okungase kukwenze ubuze konke okwaziyo ngokuphinga.
1. Inganekwane: Izindaba zihlala ziwubhidliza umshado
Indoda noma owesifazane ophingayo angabangela ubuhlungu obukhulu kodwa uma ishende seliphumile, ukusabela kuyehluka. Elinye lamaqiniso angokwengqondo athakazelisayo mayelana nokukopela ukuthi izikhathi eziningi abashadile abakhohliswa bazizwa benecala noma benesibopho ngesiphambeko esibalulekile sabanye.
Ngakho-ke kuyinganekwane ukuthi izindaba zihlale ziwubhidliza umshado. Ukuqondana nokuthethelelana kungaholela ebuhlotsheni obuqinile phakathi kwabantu ababili esikhathini esizayo. Nakuba ukukopela kungesona isenzo esingaxoleleki kakhulu, ngezinye izikhathi kuba nezinhlangothi ezimbili kuyo yonke into futhi ukulalela kungaba indlela enhle yokuqala kabusha.
Ngakho-ke, ezimweni eziningi, umuntu okopelayo angase axolelwe ngumlingani wakhe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungase kuholele ezinkantolo zesehlukaniso.
Inqubo enzima yedivosi, ukwesaba ukusabela komphakathi, ikusasa lezingane, njll ezinye zezizathu ezenza eminye imishado isinde ezindabeni. Ngakho nakuba izindaba zinganyakazisa izisekelo zomshado, ingxenye enkulu yemishado iyasinda ekungathembeki.
Iqiniso: Obunye ubudlelwano buphumelela ngisho nangemva kokuba omunye wabalingani ehileleke othandweni ngaphandle komshado. Lokhu kumane nje kuncike esimweni sengqondo samanje sabantu abakulobu budlelwano. Uma umuntu enokubekezelelana nesizathu sokukholelwa ukuthi angadlula lokhu kukhashelwa, imibhangqwana eminingi ivame ukwamukela ukwelashwa futhi iqhubeke nokuphila kwayo. Ngokusho kocwaningo olusha olwenziwe , u-16% kuphela wobudlelwano obungasinda othandweni.
2. Inganekwane : Izindaba ezibhidliza umshado zihlala isikhathi eside futhi zinamandla
Iningi labantu abazitika ngezindaba liba nezinyawo ezibandayo uma kukhulunywa ngokuphula ubudlelwano babo bamanje. Ngakho-ke uma kwenzeka ukungathembeki kuphula umshado, kusho ukuthi umlingani okhohlisayo uzoqina mayelana nendaba yabo entsha, akunjalo?
Akunjalo Empeleni. Ezimweni eziningi, izindaba okuthiwa ziqina uma zibhidliza umshado, ziyinganekwane. Ikakhulukazi bayaquleka uma nje isasasa lendaba selifile. Uma kuziwa ekuzinikeleni ngokuphelele komunye ngaphandle kwenjabulo yokugijima noma ukucasha, abantu abaningi bavame ukuhlehla.
Icala, ilebula lokuba isiphingi, isahlulelo esiqhubekayo nakanjani siba nemiphumela emibi. Ubuhlobo bobulili obungaphandle komshado kufanele buqine kakhulu ukuze budlule ukungabi nandaba nobuhlungu. Akuzona zonke izithandani ezingaphandle komshado ezingaba ezesikhathi eside noma zifinyelele umvuthwandaba wemishado yesibili.
Iqiniso: Bangama-5-7% kuphela abashadile abasothandweni abasindayo ngemva kokuba imishado yabo isiphelile nabalingani babo abahlukene. Leli izinga elibi ongaziduduza ngalo uma kunguwe ojolayo.
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3. Inganekwane: Abayeni abakhohlisayo bahlala isikhathi eside beshadile
Amanye amadoda athanda ukukhohlisa noma akhohlisa ngokulandelana . Ukuba sebudlelwaneni obuqinile nobuzinikele akwenzi mehluko emehlweni abo okubuka. Kodwa kukhona inkolelo exakile yokuthi amadoda akhohlisayo avame ukuhlala eshadile isikhathi eside.
Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi bangase bazame ukukhathalela ngokweqile, mhlawumbe ukuze baqede icala labo lokukopela. Akukho okungaba ngaphezu kweqiniso. Mancane amathuba okuthi bagcine ubudlelwano obuhle ikakhulukazi uma benomlando wokungathembeki.
Ngokusobala, kuyinganekwane ukuthi abayeni abakhohlisayo bahlala isikhathi eside beshadile noma ukuthi bajabule ngisho nasebudlelwaneni babo. Umthwalo wecala nemikhuba enxephezela ngokweqile awusoze wathengela noma ubani injabulo. Ubuhlobo obungenaso isisekelo esiqinile sokwethembana nokunethezeka angeke buthathwe njengesibonelo okufanele sisilandele.
Iqiniso: Abukho ubufakazi noma amaqiniso aphathekayo mayelana nesoka noma umyeni okhohlisayo abonisa ukuthi kungathuthukisa ikhwalithi yobuhlobo obuyinhloko. Okungenani hhayi ukukopela uma kuqhubeka.
4. Inganekwane: Ukukopela emshadweni kuhlale kubangelwa ukukhangwa ngokobulili
Ukukhangwa ngokocansi ngomuntu ongeyena umlingani wakhe kudlala indima ebalulekile ekuqaleni kobudlelwano bomshado ngaphandle komshado. Kodwa-ke, akusona sodwa isizathu. Ngokuvamile ubudlelwano buyakhula ngenxa yokusondelana ngokomzwelo. Yingakho abantu kufanele babhekane nezindaba zomzwelo zomlingani wabo.
Uma umuntu egcwalisa isikhala noma efeza isidingo esithile umuntu angaphumi emshadweni wakhe wamanje, kungaholela ekuxhumekeni okuqinile ngokomzwelo. Ngemuva kokubonakala komzimba, kunesidingo esingokomzwelo ukuze ubulili bungabi ukuphela kwesizathu esenza umuntu aduke.
Uma umlingani osebudlelwaneni ezizwa enganakiwe, esetshenziswa futhi enganakwa, uvame ukusebenzisa izindlela zesibili. Ngokuvamile bahamba befuna leso sizathu esisodwa sokuvuka njalo ekuseni ukuze bazizwe benenjongo futhi. Ngakho-ke, ukukopela emshadweni akubangelwa ukukhangwa ngokobulili ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi okuphambene nakho kuyinganekwane ngokuphelele.
Iqiniso: Ocwaningweni lwakamuva, u-20% wamadoda ajolayo athi akwenzela ukufeza izidingo zawo ezingokomzwelo hhayi ngokomzimba.
5. Iqiniso: Abesifazane bangakopela kaningi njengamadoda
Kuyamangaza kodwa ukukopela emshadweni kuvame ukuhlotshaniswa nendoda. Kucatshangwa ukuthi owesifazane uthembekile kakhulu kunendoda ebudlelwaneni. Ake siphonse izibalo zokungathembeki lapha. Ngokwezibalo ezishicilelwe kuyi-Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy , amaphesenti angu-57 amadoda ewonke ayavuma ukuthi ake enza ukungathembeki ngesikhathi esithile kanti amaphesenti angu-54 abesifazane nawo avuma okufanayo.
Emibhangqwaneni eshadile, u-22% wabesilisa abashadile uvumile ukuthi uke wajola kanti okufanayo kuyiqiniso ku-14% wabesifazane abashadile. Kafushane, nakuba amadoda ecatshangwa ukuthi anomkhuba omningi wokukopela, abesifazane bayakwazi ngokufanayo. Abantu abahamba bethi ubulili besilisa yibona abawubhidliza umshado kuyacaca ukuthi abalazi iqiniso ngakho kumele bazihlole izinombolo. Abesifazane bangakopela kaningi njengamadoda futhi lokho kuyiqiniso.
Kubalulekile ukuqaphela amaqiniso anjalo ngentombi noma umfazi okhohlisayo ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi awuzinaki izimpawu zokuxwayisa zokukopela.
6. Iqiniso: Isiko elithandwayo lisekela ukukopela emshadweni
Impela, umphakathi ubabukela phansi labo abatholakala bekopela emshadweni. Kodwa nansi indida. Njengoba wonke umuntu angathanda ukuthatha indawo ephakeme yokuziphatha, isiko elidumile livame ukuqhakambisa ukuphinga.
Cabanga ngezinhlelo ze-TV, ama-movie nezincwadi. Kusukela ezinsukwini ze- Fatal Attraction kuya ezinhlelweni zewebhu zamanje ezifana ne -Dark Desire , ukukopela kunikezwa umoya wobukhazikhazi nokukhanga ngokocansi. Isiko elidumile lenza ukunambitha isithelo esinqatshelwe kubonakale kuyinto efiselekayo.
Esikhathini se-Netflix ne-PrimeVideo, wonke umbukiso namamuvi atholakala ngokuthinta umunwe, ngisho nalawo avusa izinhlobo zemicabango engalungile. Ubudlelwano obungemthetho, ukunyonyoba, ukwenza izinqumo ezimbi ngenkathi udakiwe - zonke lezi zenzo zibukeka 'zinhle' esizukulwaneni esisha. Ngokwakha imibono enjalo ezingqondweni zentsha, kuye kwaba yiqiniso ukuthi isiko elidumile lisekela ukukopela emshadweni.
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7. Iqiniso: Yonke imishado ingaba yisisulu sokungathembeki
Akukho mshado ongavikelwa ukungathembeki. Ngisho nobudlelwano obuphephile kakhulu bungaba sengozini ngenxa yesizathu esithile. Yingakho kungabalulekile nje ukuthandana kodwa futhi nokuwugcina nokuyigcina. Udinga ukukhulisa umshado ukuze ujabule , uqine futhi ungangeni ezilingweni.
Ngakho nakuba kuyiqiniso ukuthi yonke imishado ingaba yisisulu sokungathembeki, zihlale zikhona izindlela zokunciphisa amathuba alokho.
Lokhu kusho ukuchitha isikhathi nomngane wakho womshado, ukunakekela izidingo zabo, ukuba nesiteshi esivulekile sokuxhumana nokugcina ukuhloniphana. Ikakhulukazi esikhathini sedijithali lapho ukukopela emshadweni sekulula, udinga ukwenza umzamo wokugcina inhlansi iphila.
8. Inganekwane: Ukuvuma ukukopela emshadweni kungawusindisa
Iningi labantu lingathanda ukuzwa ngokungathembeki kwabalingani babo ngomlomo wehhashi kunanoma yimuphi omunye umthombo. Abantu abaningi abanqotshwa umuzwa wecala lapho bekopela nabo bakholelwa ukuthi ukuvuma 'isono' sabo kungenza kube lula ngomlingani wabo ukubathethelela.
Ngeshwa, akunjalo. Njengoba sithanda ukukuqinisekisa futhi, iqiniso liwukuthi lesi sisho esithi 'ukuvuma ukukopela kungasindisa umshado wakho', empeleni yinganekwane. Ubuhlungu abunciphi uma uzwa ngemikhuba yokukopela kothandiweyo wakho kuyena ngqo. Ukusabela kuzoncika ngokuphelele ekutheni uzakwethu ongabandakanyekanga uzicubungula kanjani izindaba.
Lokhu kungenye nje yalawo maqiniso mayelana nokukopela ebudlelwaneni okufanele uwamukele futhi uqaphele uma unemicabango ejabulisayo yokweqa umugqa wokwethembeka.
Iqiniso: Abantu bangase bangaphenduli ngaso sonke isikhathi ngendlela ofisa ngayo futhi asikho nje izibalo ezifakazela ukuthi ukuvuma izono kuyindlela eqinisekisiwe yokusindisa umshado wakho. Ngezinye izikhathi, kwenza izinto zibe zimbi nakakhulu.
9. Inganekwane: Ukuthumelelana imiyalezo yocansi noma ucansi ku-inthanethi akukhona ukukopela
Ingabe ukukopela imiyalezo yocansi? Ingabe ukuzitika ngezingxoxo zocansi noma ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano bobulili nomuntu ngokusebenzisa ubuchwepheshe (ngisho noma kungekho ucansi oluhilelekile empilweni yangempela) kubhekwa njengokukopela? Nokho, ijaji lisaphuma kulokhu.
Kodwa empeleni kuyinganekwane ukuthi ukuthumela imiyalezo ngocansi noma ucansi ku-inthanethi akukhohlisi. Noma ibuphi ubudlelwano obakhiwe ngaphandle kwesakhiwo sobudlelwano bakho obuzibophezele kungukukopela, ikakhulukazi uma kwenziwa ngaphandle kwemvume kazakwethu, ngokunyenya, noma ngomuzwa wecala. I-virtual affair ingaba nemiphumela efana neyoqobo.
Kubalulekile ukukhomba amaqiniso ambalwa athakazelisayo mayelana nokukopela nokuthi kuhamba kanjani kakhulu lapha: ukungezwani ngokocansi emhlabeni obonakalayo kuvame ukuholela eziphambekweni zangempela. Okungase kuqale njengokudlala ngothando okungenangozi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kungase kuphenduke ubuhlobo obugcwele ngaphandle komshado.
Ngaphandle kwalokho, isigxivizo sedijithali osikhiqizayo ngesikhathi sokuthumela imiyalezo yocansi noma ucansi ku-inthanethi - ukwabelana ngobunqunu, amavidiyo avusa inkanuko nokunye okunjalo - kungasetshenziswa kabi ngumuntu ngakolunye uhlangothi, okuholela ezinkingeni eziyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu kunomphumela wokukopela emshadweni wakho.
Iqiniso: Iningi labalingani ababeyizisulu zokukopela ku-inthanethi bathi bazizwa benganakiwe, bengenakekelwa futhi bengenabo ebudlelwaneni. Yile ndlela kanye umuntu angazizwa ngayo uma umlingani wakhe enobudlelwane bomzimba bangempela nomunye umuntu. Ngakho ngokuvamile kufinyelelwa esiphethweni sokuthi ubuhlobo obungokoqobo noma obungokoqobo, obungokomzimba ngaphandle komshado bubangela umphumela ofanayo. Ngakho-ke, ucansi lwe-inthanethi kanye nokuthumelelana imiyalezo yocansi kufana nokukopela.
10. Iqiniso: Ezinye izindaba zithatha iminyaka
Angeke vele ibizwe ngokuthi 'indaba yomshado' eyengeziwe, kodwa obunye ubudlelwano obakhiwe ngaphandle komshado bungahlala isikhathi eside kunomshado ngokwawo. Kungase kube nazo zonke izithako zomshado onempilo - uthando, ukunakekelwa, uthando, ucansi, susa indandatho.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kubuhlungu kangakanani komunye umngane womshado ozibophezele kuwo, ngezinye izikhathi ubuhlobo bomshado owengeziwe buyayidlula yonke iminyaka abayichithe ndawonye emshadweni ngokwawo. Nakuba kuwukuziphatha okubi futhi kungenasimilo, kuyiqiniso impela ukuthi ezinye izindaba zihlala iminyaka.
Uma bobabili abalingani benobudlelwano obuhle futhi bemukele iqiniso lokuthi mhlawumbe abakwazi ukushada ngokusemthethweni, bangaqhubeka iminyaka eminingi futhi babe nobudlelwano bomshado ngaphandle komshado impilo yabo yonke. Isibonelo, iNkosana uCharles noCamilla abaqhubeka nobudlelwano bomshado cishe kuyo yonke imishado yabo.
11. Inganekwane: Ukujola kusho ukuthi umshado unezinkinga
Kulula ukuxosha ishende ngenxa yomshado onezinkinga. Abantu abaningi abazitika ngokuphinga bayakuthethelela besho izinkinga ebudlelwaneni babo. Kodwa ukukopela emshadweni akwenzeki ngaso sonke isikhathi ngoba kukhona okungalungile ngakho.
Ngokuvamile ukujola kungaba umphumela wokukhangana okukhulu ngokocansi, isilingo sokuthandana ngokunganaki, ngoba baqiniseka ukuthi ngeke babanjwe, njengokuphishekela injabulo noma ukuzizwa bebancane futhi befiseleka futhi. Uyakhumbula Ukungathembeki ? UDiane Lane ungena othandweni olushisayo naphezu kokushada noRichard Gere onomusa!
Ngakho-ke, akulungile ngaso sonke isikhathi ukusola umshado uma umngane womshado enquma ukuba nomshado owengeziwe. Ngezinye izikhathi abantu abakwazi ukusiza ukungazethembi noma izinkinga zabo futhi babe yisisulu sokukopela. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukusho ukuthi umshado kusho ukuthi umshado unezinkinga ngokuqinisekile kumane nje kuyinganekwane.
Iqiniso: I-American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy yenza inhlolovo kazwelonke eyathola ukuthi u-15% wabesifazane abashadile kanye no-25% wabesilisa abashadile bakha ubuhlobo ngaphandle komshado ngisho nalapho umshado wabo uyinganekwane ngokuphelele. Ngakho, imishado ejabulisayo iphinde ibe izisulu zokungathembeki.
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12. Inganekwane: Iziphingi azikwazi ukuba abazali abalungile
Amakhono okukhulisa izingane awahlanganise lutho nokuthambekela komuntu ukuba neshende. Umuntu angase abe umzali omangalisayo kodwa angase angakhangwa umngane wakhe womshado omholela ezingalweni zomunye. Nakuba izingane zingaba ihhuku elihle lokuhlala emshadweni, akwanele ukuzigcina zishadile. Lokhu kungenye nje yamaqiniso abuhlungu mayelana nokukopela ebudlelwaneni abantu abasala bephika.
Yebo umzali angeke ahlale elungile empilweni yakhe, kodwa naye ungumuntu futhi akumele kulindelwe ukuthi aphelele. Ukungathembeki akuhlangene nokuba umzali futhi ‘iziphingi azikwazi ukuba abazali abaqotho’ kuyinganekwane okufanele ilahlwe.
Ngokuvamile kukholakala ukuthi ukukhulisa izingane, njengoba kungumthwalo wemfanelo wesikhathi esigcwele, ngeke kuvumele umuntu ukuthi afune kwenye indawo ukuze aneliseke kodwa kulesi sikhathi samanje, ukuthandana nomuntu kumane kuyingxoxo ye-WhatsApp!
Iqiniso: Awukho nakancane umthetho kule ncwadi othi umuntu ongase abe nomshado ojabulisayo akasoze akwazi ukuba nobuhlobo obujabulisayo nengane yakhe. Lokhu kucabanga kuyinhlekisa futhi kusekelwe ezaba ezingamanga.
13. Inganekwane: Kungcono ukudalula konke mayelana nokukopela emshadweni
Nakuba ukuvuma ukujola kuyinto efiselekayo, ngezinye izikhathi, kuye ngesimo, kungcono ukugcina umama.
Noma uma ishende liphelile futhi unesiqiniseko sokuthi ngeke uphinde ubuyelane nesithandwa sakho, lokho kungathathwa njengesahluko esivaliwe oshade naye angasazi. Yebo, kufana nokuqamba amanga, kodwa uma ukuvuma izono kuzophumela osizini olwengeziwe, kungani ukuhlehliswa?
Izinganekwane ezikhuthaza ukudalulwa kokukopela emshadweni akumele zamukelwe ngokungaboni futhi kunalokho, kufanele zilinganiswe nezimo zomuntu ukuze athathe isinqumo esifanele.
Iqiniso: Eminye imikhaya ibika ukwesaba ubudlova basekhaya nendawo yasekhaya enobuthi. Izimo ezinjalo ziyamangaza lapho umuntu ephephe kakhudlwana ukuthi angathululi isifuba kumlingani wakhe ngendaba yakhe. Nakuba indlela engcono kakhulu yokuphuma iwukwethembeka, ukuthula nakho kuyigolide.
14. Iqiniso: Ukungathembeki kuyisinqumo
Ungakhetha ukuhlala uthembekile. Ungakhetha ukuduka. Yebo, ukukhetha kungokwakho. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi ukungathembeki kuyisinqumo. Ukukopela emishadweni akuvamisile ukwenzeka ngoba uphoqwe ukuthi ungene kukho. Nakuba kunezilingo namathuba amaningi okufuna injabulo ngaphandle komshado wakho, ukuzinikela kuzo kuwukukhetha kwakho ngokuphelele.
Ngisho noma usemshadweni ongajabuli kahle , ungakhetha ukuphuma noma ukusebenzela kuwo. Akudingeki ukuthi uqome omunye umuntu. Ngakho-ke ukungathembeki akuyona into engokwemvelo, kodwa ukukhetha okusekelwe olwazini okwenziwa yingqondo yakho.
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15. Iqiniso: Umngane womshado okhashiwe ubhekana nesikhathi esinzima
Akukho ukwambulwa kokukopela emshadweni kulula. Kungenye yezinselele ezinzima kakhulu noma yimuphi umshado ongadlula kuzo. Umjikelezo womngane womshado okhashiwe uhlanganisa umuntu ukulwa nesiphingi noma asigweme. Yisikhathi esinzima kunazo zonke kumngane womshado okhashiwe futhi kuthatha okuningi ukuba alulame; lokhu kuyiqiniso.
Lokhu kungenxa yemizwa eminingi abalingani abangahilelekile abadlula kuyo lapho bethola ukuthi umshado ushayeke kakhulu. Kusukela ekungavumi kuya ekucindezelekeni kuya ekuzisoleni, badlula ekuhluphekeni okukhulu ngaphambi kokuba bamukele iqiniso ekugcineni.
16. Inganekwane: Umlingani wakho ngeke aphambuke uma impilo yakho yocansi iyinhle
Kuyinganekwane ukuthi impilo enhle yocansi ingenza owesilisa noma owesifazane azibophezele kakhulu emshadweni. Njengoba kushiwo ngenhla, ucansi luyisinye sezizathu eziningi - noma kunjalo, ezibalulekile - zokuthi kungani abantu bephambuka . Abantu abaningi bathola ukuba nomfazi oyedwa kuyisicefe ngemva kwephuzu elithile.
Ngisho noma bezama futhi banonga impilo yabo yocansi, asikho isiqinisekiso sokuthi ngeke kuholele esifisweni somunye umuntu. Ikakhulukazi entsheni ephila ukuphila okusheshayo nokungahlaliseki, akukho ukwahlulela okuncane mayelana nokukopela emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni obuzinzile.
Iqiniso: Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi amaphesenti angu-20 kuphela amadoda akopayo enza kanjalo ngenxa yomshado onganeliseki ngokobulili. Ama-80% asele anezizathu ezehlukene ezisukela esikhaleni semizwa, ukungazethembi, ukuziphindiselela njll.
17. Iqiniso: Ukukopela kunciphisa izigaba namasiko
Kukhona iphutha lokuthi ukukopela emshadweni kuvame kakhulu phakathi kwabacebile nabadumile. Ngempela, amahlazo okukopela emphakathini ophezulu athatha umcabango womphakathi ngaphezu kwabanye, kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi ukuphinga kuvamile kubo bonke ubulili, amaqembu eminyaka, izigaba zenhlalo-mnotho kanye namasiko.
Ngokuqinisekile, ukwamukelwa kokuphinga kungase kuhluke ezweni elilodwa kuya kwelinye - isibonelo, amaFulentshi ayaziwa ukuthi athambile esimweni sawo sokungathembeki kunamaMelika. Kodwa ukwenzeka kuvamile yonke indawo, kusukela emiphakathini yendabuko kuya kweyanamuhla. Ngakho-ke le mibono enobandlululo ayihlangene nokungathembeki futhi abantu abasho njalo bayathanda ukukholelwa kulezi zinganekwane.
18. Inganekwane: Abesilisa nabesifazane bavame ukuba nomfazi oyedwa
Ukuthandana nomuntu oyedwa kuyadunyiswa futhi kuyafiswa emasikweni amaningi futhi kuchazwa yinkolo, kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi ukuthandana nomuntu oyedwa kuyamukelwa yibo bonke. Phakathi kwamaqiniso abalulekile mayelana nokukopela ebudlelwaneni ukuthi abantu ababona abantu ababili ngokwemvelo . Ukuthandana nomuntu oyedwa kuyisakhiwo somphakathi, futhi abanye abantu bakuthola kunzima kunabanye ukukuhambisana naso.
Futhi, ukuba nomfazi oyedwa akusho ukuthi ukukhangwa abanye abantu ngaphandle komlingani wakho kuvele kucishwe. Uma usebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa kuphela, udinga ukubeka imingcele mayelana nokuthi yini eyamukelekayo nengamukeleki.
Ngakho-ke kuyinganekwane ukuthi amadoda nabesifazane ngokwemvelo bane-monogamous nokho, umgwaqo othandwayo ongahamba kuwo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, bonke ubudlelwane bunamandla okwehla endaweni eshelelayo.
Iqiniso: Amaphesenti angu-17 kuphela awo wonke amasiko abantu anomfazi oyedwa kanti ingxenye enkulu isakholelwa ohlelweni lwesithembu noma isithembu. Uzalo lwethu alukaze lukhulume ngempela ngokuba nomfazi oyedwa kodwa nalapho, abesilisa nabesifazane benza amalungiselelo esikhathi eside okuhlala ndawonye.
19. Inganekwane: Izindaba zingaba yinzuzo emshadweni
Ingabe ukuthandana kungaba wusizo emshadweni ? Lesi yisimo esinengqondo kakhulu esithi uma umbhangqwana usinda othandweni, uphuma unamandla. Mhlawumbe kungenxa yokuthi uyaqaphela ukuthi yini obekungase ikulahlekele futhi uzozama kakhulu ukuyilondoloza. Akunjalo ngempela!
Ukungathembeki kuyisenzo esiyimfihlo esibandakanya ukuqamba amanga nokufihla amaqiniso amaningi. Umbhangqwana ungase ukwazi ukukuthethelela futhi unqume ukuyibeka ngemuva kwawo, kodwa i-wedge eyakhayo ingokoqobo kakhulu. Angeke kube khona lutho oluzuzisayo mayelana nokulimala, ukungabi nandaba nokusola okungase kuvele esikhathini esizayo.
Kuphakathi kwamaqiniso angokwengqondo angenakuphikiswa mayelana nokukopela okuthinta ingqondo yabo bobabili abalingani futhi kushintshe ubuhlobo unomphela. Yebo, uma isingathwa ngendlela efanele, ingasiza umbhangqwana ukuba ubonakale unamandla kunangaphambili. Kodwa lokho kungafezwa ngisho nangokumane uzibophezele ekwenzeni umzamo oqotho wokulungisa ubuhlobo. Awudingi ukuhlehliswa ukungathembeki ukuze ulungise umshado wakho. Ngakho kulabo abazama ukuzenza bazizwe bengcono ngokuthi izindaba zingazuzisa umshado, kumane kuyinganekwane.
Iqiniso: I-PISD noma i-Post Infidelity Stress Disorder yinto abambalwa kakhulu abantu abazi ngayo. Izimpawu zifana kakhulu nalezo ze-PTSD. Abanye abantu banenkinga yokuxhumana nabantu njalo, noma ngabe ngokocansi noma ngokomzwelo. Abantu baba nokuphazamiseka kokulala kanye nokukhathazeka ngokomtholampilo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umshado uphukile noma cha, i-PISD ingokoqobo futhi akekho owake wathola induduzo eqinisweni lokuthi wasizakala futhi ekugcineni wakhashelwa.
20. Inganekwane: Izindaba zomunye umlingani ziholela ekutheni nomunye abe naye
Ngokuvamile, umngane womshado elimele bangase bagcine kokuba indaba ukuze abuyisele ukukopela umlingani wabo noma ukuphindiselela ihlazo elibangelwa umlingani wakhe. Kodwa lokho kwenzeka ezimweni ezimbalwa kakhulu. Ezimweni eziningi zokuphinga, umuntu okhohlisiwe uthukuthela kakhulu futhi ucasukile ukuba acabange ukubuyisela ngohlamvu lwemali olufanayo.
Uma umshado ubunamandla ngenye indlela, angase alingeke ukuba athathe indawo ephakeme futhi asebenzise ukuphinga komlingani wakhe njengesizathu esiqinile sokufuna isehlukaniso kanye nesondlo. Alikho iqiniso lokuthi izindaba zomlingani oyedwa ziholela ekutheni omunye abe neshende. Izinganekwane ezinjalo zibangela ukungezwani okwengeziwe emshadweni. Phela ubufakazi bokukopela emshadweni buyaliqinisa icala uma umuntu enquma ukuyofuna indlela yomthetho.
Kafushane nje, ukuqomisana ngaphandle komshado kungenzeka kunoma ibuphi ubudlelwano futhi kuwudaba oluqondene nomuntu siqu futhi oluzimele kuwo wonke umbhangqwana. Nakuba kuvame kakhulu kulezi zinsuku, ukuqonda okuncane nokucwecwa kwezingqimba ukuze umbe ujule kungase kukusize ukuba ubhekane nesimo sokuphinga kangcono.
Iqiniso: Nakuba abanye abantu bephendukela ekuziphindiseleni kwabathandana nabo futhi bagcine sebeqomile, izibalo zibonisa ukuthi ukuziphindiselela okuyisizathu sokukopela kungenye yezinto ezincane kakhulu ezingenzeka. Ngokuvamile, umlingani uhlakulela ukungazethembi nokukhathazeka okuningi kangangokuthi akakwazi ukugxila kunoma ubani ngaphandle kwakhe.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Umshado ungase usinde esiqeshini sokungathembeki futhi uvele uqine noma ungabhidlika ngaphansi kwengcindezi ekuqaleni. Kuncike ngokuphelele ekutheni umlingani womshado usabela kanjani lapho eqhathwe futhi uma umbhangqwana ufuna ukudlula kukho.
Ngokocwaningo lwe-American Psychological Association, cishe amaphesenti angu-20 kuya kwangu-40 emishado aveza ukungathembeki njengesizathu sesehlukaniso. Ukuphinga kungenye yezimbangela ezinkulu zokuhlukana nakuba izizathu eziholela umuntu ukuba akope ziyehluka kusuka ebuhlotsheni obubodwa kuya kobunye.
Kunzima ukuthemba umuntu oshade naye okhohlisayo ngoba asikho isiqiniseko sokuthi ngeke aphinde aphambuke. Owesilisa noma owesifazane angase athethelele futhi abuyelane nozakwethu okhohlisayo kodwa isici sokwethenjwa sizoncipha kakhulu.
Ubuhlungu obudalwa wukungathembeki buzohlala isikhathi eside njengoba kusuke kuphulwe ukwethembana kwakho, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uma lowo oqothile enza umzamo wokuvuselela ubudlelwano futhi aphinde aphinde amethembe, kungenzeka ukuthi uphinde ujabule.
Ngixolele Ukungathembeki Komlingani Wami Ukuze Ngibuyise Impilo Yami
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
