Iyini Imiphumela Yezindaba Lapho Bobabili Abalingani Beshadile?

Iyini imiphumela yokuthandana phakathi kwemibhangqwana eshadile? Lona umbuzo ovame ukuba sezingqondweni zethu lapho sibona abantu ababili abashadile beboshelwe othandweni lwangaphandle komshado. Eqinisweni, ababhali, abenzi bamabhayisikobho, kanye nabaculi abanekhono lokudala baye bazama ukuphendula lo mbuzo ngezindlela zabo. Kulesi simo, ngingathanda ukukhuluma ngamafilimu amabili abonise imiphumela emibili ehluke kakhulu yokuthandana lapho bobabili beshadile. Elinye yi -Damage (1991) kanti elinye yi- Little Children (2006) , elenziwe eminyakeni eyi-15 kamuva (ama-spoiler angaphambili).

Ngokuthakazelisayo, i-Damage iveza umbono ongokoqobo walokho okwenzekayo lapho abantu ababili abasebudlelwaneni beqala ukukopela futhi behileleka othandweni olungaphandle komshado. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, izingane ezincane zinombono ongavamile wabantu ababili abashadile abathandana, bobabili bagwema iziphambeko zabo ngaphandle kwemiphumela.

Kodwa ingabe ubudlelwano obubili bungahlala bungenamyocu futhi bungenazibazi uma bobabili abakhohlisi beshadile? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJayant Sundaresan wasiqondisa ukuthi siqonde indlela abantu ababili abashadile abathandana ngayo bese beqala ukuthandana ngaphandle komshado.

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Lo mbuzo ubiza izigidi zamaRandi futhi azikho izibalo zokusekela impendulo yami. Kodwa uma sibheka lokho esikubonile empilweni yangempela, singasho ukuthi lezi zindaba azihlali isikhathi eside, noma ezimbalwa zazo azihlali isikhathi eside. Njengoba kubonisiwe ku- Little Children, abantu ababili abashadile abahileleke othandweni lwangaphandle komshado babekulungele ukushiya ikhaya bashiye kodwa babengenakuzibamba.

Nakuba u-Sarah eshintsha umqondo ngomzuzu wokugcina futhi enquma ukuthi ungowomndeni wakhe, ubuhle bakhe, u-Brad, uhlangabezana nengozi lapho eyohlangana naye. Uma befika abezimo eziphuthumayo, akhethe ukubiza umkakhe phezu kwesithandwa sakhe. Lokho kulindelekile lapho abantu ababili abashadile abathandanayo bephoqeleka ukuba bakhethe phakathi kwezithakazelo zabo zothando nomngane womshado (futhi mhlawumbe nezingane). Yingakho izindaba, lapho bobabili abashadile beshadile, ngokuvamile ziba zishintshashintsha.

Bambalwa kakhulu abantu abashadile abathatha isinyathelo sokuphuma emishadweni yabo futhi ngokuvamile babuyela kubalingani babo noma baqhubeke nobudlelwano kuze kube yilapho bengatshelwa lutho. Ukuphela komonakalo kuyamangalisa nakakhulu. Indoda eshadile iqhubeka nobudlelwano bayo ngokuyimfihlo nesoka lendodana yayo bese itholwa yindodana embhedeni nayo. Le nsizwa ekhathazekile ikhubeka ezitebhisini yaze yafa, okwenza abantu ababili ababanjwe othandweni balahlekelwe yiyo yonke into.

Masizwe kuchwepheshe wethu mayelana nesikhathi esivamile sezindaba phakathi kwabangane abashadile, ozakwethu, noma abantu esibajwayele, futhi okubaluleke nakakhulu – ukuthi kungani bephela. NgokukaJayant, “Ngokuvamile, imiphumela eminingi yocwaningo iphakamisa ukuthi izindaba ezinjalo zithatha izinyanga ezimbalwa noma kuze kube unyaka. Futhi ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu yazo ihlala ngaphezu kweminyaka emibili.”

UJayant ukhuluma ngezizathu ezenza abantu abashadile bakhohlise abalingani babo, “Kwabaningi, umuzwa wokuthanda uyanyamalala kancane kancane futhi impilo evamile, enesithukuthezi iyabuya. Lezo zimpawu kanye nezici ezihlukile abazithola zithandeka kakhulu kubathandekayo babo, ziqala ukunyamalala. Amafulegi abomvu kanye nezici ezicasulayo zithatha indawo yazo.

“Uthanda lo muntu omusha ngoba ezimisele ukukunikeza izinto ezithile oshade naye angenakukwazi (noma angafuni ukukunika zona) Ngaphezu kwalokho, kunenhlansi yokuqala kanye nokuxhamazela kwamakhemikhali ageleza egazini lapho usothandweni.

"Njengoba nibonana ingxenye encane nje yosuku lwenu, futhi ningahlali nabo 24×7, amafulegi abomvu athatha isikhathi ukuvela. Kodwa ekugcineni kosuku, inguqulo yakho engcono kakhulu nenguqulo yakho engcono kakhulu iyaphelelwa yisikhathi. Futhi yilapho uqaphela khona ukuthi indaba iyaphela."

Ukuze uthole amavidiyo amaningi ochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele isiteshi sethu se-Youtube. Chofoza lapha.

Kwenzekani lapho bobabili beshadile kodwa sebethandana?

Lokhu akusho ukuthi izindaba phakathi kwemibhangqwana eshadile azihlali isikhathi eside. Kuncike ekutheni abantu ababili bazimisele kangakanani ngalobo budlelwano. Ngokuvamile, abantu bafuna izinto - ngamabomu noma ngokungazi - abangenazo emshadweni wabo futhi uma sebezitholile komunye umuntu, bayaneliseka. Izindaba zomzwelo noma inkanuko zivame kakhulu ezindabeni zangaphandle komshado. Yingakho lapho umuzwa wecala namahloni eqala, bazama ukubuyela emuva bayobuyisana emshadweni. Ngokwemvelo, izindaba zombhangqwana oshadile azihlali isikhathi eside ezimweni ezinjalo.

Kodwa kunabantu abanabalingani abahlukumezayo noma abashade nabo abangenandaba nabafuna ukuphuma emshadweni. Njengoba kwenzeka ku-Ashley, umlingisi, nomyeni wakhe uRitz, umqondisi. Babengabangane ekuqaleni, kodwa babesemishadweni enezinkinga. Bathandana, bahlukanisa nabalingani babo, futhi bashadile futhi bajabule emshadweni. Kulokhu, abantu ababili abashadile abathandanayo baholela ebumnandini obungapheli.

Uma nithandana ngaphandle komshado, bobabili abantu bashadile kodwa bathandane, kubalulekile ukubiza ngokuqinile ikusasa lemishado yenu kanye nobudlelwano. Ingabe usukulungele ukushiya owakwakho niqale ukuphila ndawonye? Noma ingabe uzodela uthando lwakho ukuze usindise umshado wakho? Lokhu akukaze kube lula ukwenza ucingo, kodwa awukwazi ukuqhubeka uphila impilo embaxambili.

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Ziqala kanjani izindaba phakathi kwabashadile?

Lona omunye umbuzo onzima. Kodwa ake ngiqale ngokuthi ukuqomisana phakathi kwemibhangqwana eshadile kuyinto evamile. Izibalo zibonisa ukuthi ama-30-60% emibhangqwana eshadile e-US anobuhlobo bobulili obungaphandle komshado ngesikhathi esithile. Ucwaningo olwenziwe yi- app yokuqomisana i-Gleeden eNdiya lubonise ukuthi abesifazane abangu-7 kwabayishumi bayakhohlisana nabalingani babo ukuze babalekele imishado engajabulisi.

Ukuqala ubuhlobo bobulili ngaphandle komshado kubonakala kuyinto elula kunazo zonke namuhla njengoba akunzima ukuhlala uthintana kule nkathi ye-intanethi. Izindaba eziningi ziqala ngezingxoxo. Futhi sibonga inkundla yezokuxhumana, imiyalezo esheshayo, nezinhlelo zokusebenza zokushaya ngevidiyo, akukho ukushoda kwezindlela zokuqalisa izingxoxo nokuzigcina ziqhubeka.

Uma abantu ababili beshadile nabanye, kuvame ukwenzeka ukuthi bahlangane kaningana emphakathini ngaphambi kokuba baqale ukuhlangana ngasese bese uthando luqala. Imihlangano yezenhlalo iyaqhubeka ngemva kwalokho, ukuze kugcinwe ukukhohlisa. Ubungane basehhovisi buvame ukuphenduka izindaba zasehhovisi . Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu bahlangana nasezinhlelweni zokusebenza zokuthandana. Noma kungenzeka ukuthi bebengabangane isikhathi eside lapho ngokuzumayo bezizwa besondelene kakhulu kunangaphambili bese uthando luqala.

Kunzima ukukhomba ukuthi ukujola kwabantu ababili abashadile kuqala kanjani, kodwa esikhathini samanje akukho ukushoda kwezindlela okungase kwenzeke. Ake sibone ukuthi uJayant uthini ngalokhu. “Abantu abaningi bahileleka ezenzweni zobulili ngaphandle komshado ngoba befisa ukuzizwa bekhanga, baphinde bazizwe bethandwa futhi bayakujabulela ukuba yisizinda salobu buhlobo obusha okudabukisayo ukuthi banyamalala emshadweni wabo.

"Kungaba futhi yindaba yokulahlekelwa yithuba elinomlilo wesikhathi sakho esidlule. Ukuthandana nomuntu ongaphandle komshado kungenzeka nalapho inkinga yeminyaka yobudala ithinta umuntu kakhulu. Ukuthandana nomlingani omncane kakhulu kunciphisa ukukhungatheka kwabo ngokuzizwa begugile futhi bephelelwe yisikhathi. Kwabanye abantu, ukwakheka kancane kokuqala kanye nokusha kothando. Kwabanye, impilo yabo yobulili engagculisi ebashukumisela ukuba balethe umuntu wesithathu kule nkinga."

“Uma abantu ababili abashadile beshada besebancane kakhulu, ngokusobala leso kwakungesona isinqumo sesimo sengqondo esivuthiwe, esithuthukile.” Ngemva kweminyaka emihlanu noma eyishumi, bangase babone ukuthi abasebancane ngokuphelele abashade nabo.

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Ngabe izindaba zibathinta kanjani abashadile lapho bobabili abakhohlisayo beshadile?

Ekhuluma ngemiphumela yokuthandana kwabantu abashadile kubalingani babo, umeluleki wezengqondo kanye nochwepheshe wezokwelapha ingqondo uSampreeti Das uthi, “Ukuthandana ngaphandle komshado akuvamile ukuhlala kufihliwe kumlingani. Kungase kube nobunzima bokuphikisa ngenxa yezici eziningi. Noma kunjalo, kushiya omunye umlingani enemibuzo ngaye kanye nekhono lokwethemba obunye ubuhlobo.

“Nakuba umlingani engenacala nganoma yikuphi ukucasulwa kwalesi simo, angase azibeke icala ngokukopela komngane wakhe womshado.” Khona-ke, kunezici eziyingozi ezingokwengqondo lapho umngane womshado ekhetha ukuqomisana ngaphandle komshado. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kungase kube nezingozi ezingokwezimali nezingokomthetho ezihilelekile.”

Okude futhi okufushane wukuthi uma bobabili abakopela beshadile, ukujola kungashintsha ngokushesha. Thatha isibonelo sikaSherry noJames isibopho sabo somshado saba nethonya elibi ngemva kokujola kukaSherry nomngane wakudala wasekolishi. Laba bobabili babe nokushayisana osukwini, base beqhubeka nempilo yabo. Ngemva kweminyaka, uSherry waxhuma nelangabi lakhe elidala ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, futhi njengoba bobabili beqala ukuxoxa, into eyodwa yaholela kwenye futhi bagcina sebethandana.

USherry wathandana nalo mngani owayesehlukene isikhathi eside futhi watshela uJames ngakho. Kodwa naye wayethandana noJames futhi wayengakakulungeli ukudela umshado wakhe ngenxa yothando lwakhe. Ngemva kokuchitha isikhathi esithile behlukene, futhi beqala ukwelashwa kwababili, bobabili banquma ukubuyisana futhi bahlale ndawonye naphezu kokungathembeki . Ukwelashwa kukho kube uhambo olude kuJames. Ngisho noma esethuthukile, akazizwa sengathi angamethemba ngokuphelele uSherry ngisho namanje, noma mhlawumbe nanini.

Lapho ekhuluma ngemiphumela yezindaba lapho bobabili abashadile beshadile, uJayant uthi, “Umphumela osheshayo kumngane womshado okhohlisiwe uyoba ukuthi uzozizwa engasathenjwa.

“Futhi, akuphathelene nokuthi 'ingabe abantu bazokwazi?', kunalokho mayelana nokuthi 'bayokwazi nini abantu?' Uma uphuma lapho ujola, uyakhohlwa ukuthi umema umthwalo wokuphoxeka koshade naye. Yebo, abantu abaseduze nawe bazokhuluma ngalesi sigameko.

"Isimo esibi kakhulu yilapho umuntu othandana naye engumngane womlingani wakho noma umfowenu. Bese kuba ukushayisana okubili njengoba bekhashelwa yizinhlangothi ezimbili ngesikhathi esisodwa. Umlingani angaba nobunzima obukhulu bokuthemba noma ubani esikhathini esizayo, kungaba yilobu budlelwano noma obulandelayo. Kuba nzima nakakhulu uma umlingani wakhe ebonisa izimpawu zokuxwayisa zomkhohlisi olandelanayo ."

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Ziphela kanjani izindaba phakathi kwabashadile?

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi izindaba eziningi phakathi kwabashadile ziyaphela ngoba mkhulu umthwalo wokuqomisana. Lapho imibhangqwana eshadile ikhohlisana, kuthatha isikhathi ngaphambi kokuba ibanjwe. Uma sekutholakele ukuthi bayathandana, bobabili abantu abathintekayo kufanele babhekane nezinsolo kanye nentukuthelo yabashadile. Futhi uma izingane zihilelekile, kuba nzima nakakhulu.

Imiphumela yokulalana ngaphandle komshado iba mibi ngezinye izikhathi. Futhi, kubonakala sengathi abesifazane bakuthola kunzima ukushiya ikhaya noma ukuqeda umshado obolile kunamadoda. Ngenxa yalokho, kuholela ezinkingeni ezengeziwe uma umbhangqwana okhohlisayo wawubheka ikusasa ndawonye.

Ngokusho kukaJayant, "Ngokuvamile, izindaba phakathi kwabangane abashadile ziphela ngendlela engcolile. Isibonelo, ukube bekuyindaba yasehhovisi, bekungaba nobunzima ukusebenzisana nomuntu owawuthandana naye ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Uma isizathu esiyinhloko sokuthi lolu thando lwaqala ukungafezeki, khona-ke umuntu oyedwa uzama ukuhlukana nobuhlobo. qhubeka, imiphumela ingaba mibi ngempela.”

Nakuba kunjalo, akunakuphikwa ukuthi kunezindaba ezingavamile zokuthandana ngaphandle komshado phakathi kwemibhangqwana eshadile. Ngokwesibonelo, cabanga ngalokhu: Indoda eyodwa yayingenakushada nesithandwa sayo ngenxa yengcindezi yomphakathi, kodwa bahlangana kamuva empilweni lapho bobabili beshadile. Bahlala othandweni iminyaka engu-20 eyalandela. Uyabelana, “Sasinda ngoba sasigcina lokhu kuyimfihlo futhi sasihlala ezifundazweni ezihlukene futhi sasihlangana kaningi. Ukube kwakuyindaba ephelele futhi wonke umuntu eyazi, cishe kwakuzodingeka siyeke ngoba sobabili sinezingane ezindala ezingasoze zamukele.”

UStuart, onguprofesa wasekolishi, uthandana nomuntu asebenza naye . Bobabili bashadile futhi banezingane. Uthi, “Sobabili sishadile kodwa sesithandana. Kungubudlelwano obanelisayo kakhulu. Angizimisele ukuhlukana. Ngizohlala ngingumyeni nobaba oqotho kodwa uyingxenye ebalulekile yempilo yami. Umkami kuzomele akwamukele lokho.”

Njengoba u-Anton Chekov ebeka imigqa yokugcina yendaba yakhe emfushane edumile ethi Lady With The Pet Dog , indaba ebheka ubudlelwano phakathi kombhangqwana oshadile:

Khona-ke bachitha isikhathi eside bebonisana ndawonye, ​​bakhuluma ngendlela yokugwema isidingo sokufihla, ukukhohlisa, ukuhlala emadolobheni ahlukene nokungaboni ngaso linye isikhathi eside. Babengakhululeka kanjani kulobugqila obungabekezeleleki?

"Kanjani? Kanjani?" ebuza ebambe ikhanda. "Kanjani?"

Futhi kwabonakala sengathi ngemva kwesikhashana ikhambi lalizotholakala, kwase kuqala ukuphila okusha nobukhazikhazi; futhi kwaba sobala kubo bobabili ukuthi base benomgwaqo omude, omude phambi kwabo, nokuthi ingxenye yawo eyinkimbinkimbi nenzima kakhulu yayisanda kuqala.

Cabanga ukuthi lokho kungumphumela wokuthandana kwabantu ababili abashadile. Kuhlala kuyinkimbinkimbi kusukela ekuqaleni kuze kube sekugcineni. Awukwazi ukumane uthi, “Konke kulungile othandweni” bese ugeza izandla zakho emithwalweni yakho yobudlelwano nomlingani wakho.

Buza amathumbu akho ngokuphindaphindiwe uma lo muzwa uwuthando lwangempela noma isigaba esidlulayo sokuthatheka. Ake sithi ushiya umndeni wakho, ushade nesithandwa sakho, futhi ngemva kweminyaka, uyabona ukuthi usuphelelwe uthando. Cabanga ngohlobo lobunzima nenkimbinkimbi obekufanele ubhekane nayo ngaleso sikhathi.

UJayant uchaza indlela abantu abashadile abakhohlisa abalingani babo okufanele baqhubeke ngayo ngokokuziphatha, “Uma ubona izimpawu zokuthi ubuhlobo benu sebuphenduka uthando , lungiselela abantu abakhona emndenini wakho ngaphambi kokuqala omusha. Bese uphuma emshadweni ngokusemthethweni. Ngemva kwalokho, hlala wedwa isikhashana ukuze ucabange ngezinqumo zakho zokuphila bese uchaza ngokucophelela ukuthi ufuna ukuqhubeka kanjani esahlukweni esilandelayo.”

Ngakho, okokugcina, ingabe uyafuna ngempela ukuphuma kulo mshado? Noma, ingabe ukuphila kwansuku zonke okungathandeki ozama ukukubalekela ngokujaha le mpilo ehambisanayo eyimfihlo (kodwa ejabulisayo)? Ingabe usuzame konke okusemandleni akho ukwenza lo mshado usebenze? Ngoba emshadweni olandelayo, nakuba kuzoba nomlingani omusha, uzoletha isethi efanayo yezinqubo zokucabanga nokungazethembi. Ngaphandle kokuthi kusetshenzwe, ngeke kuhluke. Ngethemba, uzocabangisisa ngalokhu ngaphambi kokuthatha igxathu lokukholwa.

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