9 Izimpawu Ezikhohlisayo Umyeni Wakho Uthumela Imiyalezo Yocansi Futhi Yini Okufanele Ayenze

Uke waqaphela yini ukuthi ukuziphatha komyeni wakho akuhambisani nokuziphatha kwakhe kwefoni yangaphambilini? Uyazibuza ukuthi lezi zindlela zokuziphatha ezishintshile ziyizimpawu zokuthi umyeni wakho uthumela omunye umuntu imiyalezo yocansi? Nokho, izinkathazo zakho azinasisekelo. Phela ubuchwepheshe buyinkemba esika nhlangothi zombili. Nakuba kungenza kube lula ukuxhumana nokubambisana ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, kobungenampilo, kungaba yithuluzi lokuvumela umlingani odukayo.

Ukwanda kwezindaba ze-inthanethi noma ukukopela endaweni ebonakalayo kwenza izinto zibe nzima nakakhulu ngoba kungaba nzima ukuchaza lezi ziphambeko kusetshenziswa imingcele yendabuko yokwethembeka nokungathembeki. Izifundo zithi iningi lezifundo zokukopela liwukunganakwa okukhulu ngoba abantu abaningi abavumi ukuthi bakopela kanti abanye abaningi abachazi ukungethembeki ngaphandle komongo wocansi. Uma kunjalo, nawe uyazibuza ukuthi ukuthumela imiyalezo engafanele komunye wesifazane kubalwa njengokukopela yini?

Sixhumane nodokotela wengqondo uNandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile kwi-CBT, i-REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwabashadile, ukuze asisize siqonde ubukhulu benkinga lapha, ukuthi singayibona kanjani, nokuthi singayixazulula kanjani.

Izimpawu Eziyisi-9 Umyeni Wakho Uthumela I-Sexting Omunye Wesimame

Ubuwazi ukuthi ucwaningo oluningi mayelana nokungathembeki lubika ukuthi cishe ama-50% emibhangqwana esebudlelwaneni obunomuntu oyedwa ibika ukuthi ikhohlisa umlingani wayo noma ikhohlisa umlingani wayo, kungaba e- USA , e-India , noma e -UK ? Lokhu kumane kuyisilinganiso esilinganiselwe.

Ukugcina imithetho ngoba asazi ukuthi laba baphenduli babheka ezinye izinhlobo zezindaba ezingezona ezenyama njengezindaba ezingokomzwelo noma izindaba ze-cyber njengokukhohlisa. Ukuze kuphendulwe lokho, kwenziwa inhlolovo ngqo ngombuzo othi “Yini ongayibheka njengokukhohlisa?” ku-BBC Radio. Ama-71% abantu abadala abangu-2,066 abaphendulile bathi ukuthumela imiyalezo yocansi KUYOKUKHETHA.

Ngakho-ke, awuwedwa uma ufisa sengathi ungabona lokho umyeni wakho akwenzayo ku-inthanethi noma ubukela ifoni yakhe. Uzizwa usola futhi ungakhululekile ukubona umyeni wakho enza ngendlela engcolile, noma ngabe ku-inthanethi kuphela. UNandita naye uyavuma. “Indlela yokukhohlisa kuphela eshintshayo lapha, ngenxa ye-inthanethi. Kodwa kusewukukhohlisa,” esho, enezela, “Ukukhohlisa phela kungukungena kobunye ubudlelwano bothando - ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo, kude noma ku-inthanethi, ngaphandle kwemvume yomlingani wakho.”

Khona-ke, uqinisekisa kanjani ukuthi izinsolo zakho zisemthethweni noma azinasisekelo? Lezi zimpawu ezingu-9 okungenzeka ukuthi umyeni wakho uthumela omunye wesifazane ngocansi ziyisiqalo esihle impela. Akukho kulokhu okungaqinisekisa ukuthi umyeni wakho ukukopela ngempela yini. Kodwa bangase bakusize ngokuqiniseka ukuba ubuze umyeni wakho ngokuziphatha kwakhe futhi ungamvumeli ukuba achithe okukukhathazayo.

1. Umyeni wakho uhlala esefonini/kudivayisi yakhe

Uyazi ukuthi kuyini uku-Phubbing ? Lokhu akuyona nje enye yezimpawu ezisobala kakhulu zomyeni wakho ukuthi uthumela omunye wesifazane imiyalezo yocansi kodwa futhi kuyonakalisa ubuhlobo obukhulu. Uma umyeni wakho ethumela omunye wesifazane imiyalezo nsuku zonke ngezizathu zothando noma zocansi, uzobona lokho kubonakala ngesikhathi asichitha efonini yakhe.

Uma ubona oshade naye echitha isikhathi esiningi ocingweni lwakhe, ungazizwa ukhathazekile ngokuthi oshade naye ubelokhu ethatha izinto eziningi emsebenzini noma uzibuze ukuthi kukhona yini okunye angakwabelani nawe. Kodwa uma lokhu kushintsha kokuziphatha kukwenze wakholelwa ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ukukopela, kungenzeka ukuthi ubulokhu ubona izimpawu eziningi zomyeni wakho ezinecala lokukopela ku- Snapchat kunalena nje. Ake sibheke ezinye izimpawu ezibomvu.

2. Owakwakho uyimfihlo ngefoni/idivayisi yakhe

Umyeni okhohlisayo, othandana ne-intanethi, uzoqala ukuziphatha ngokuyimfihlo kakhulu. Kulula nje, akafuni ubheke ucingo lwakhe. Ngakho-ke, uzokwenza konke ukukudedisela kude nayo ngokomzimba. Ngokwesibonelo,

• Uzohamba nocingo lwakhe yonke indawo
• Uzolala nefoni yakhe ngaphansi komcamelo
• Uzotshekisa isikrini kude nawe uma esisebenzisa
• Uyasebenzisa amakhodi omlayezo wombhalo ukuxhumana
• Endabeni yedivayisi efana nedeskithophu, angase ayiyise endaweni eyimfihlo kakhulu endlini, njengegaraji noma igumbi elingaphansi.
• Angase ashintshe ukuma kwedeski ngendlela yokuthi ingemuva lesikrini libhekane nomnyango noma lonke igumbi.
• Umyeni wakho ukukhiya ngaphandle kwezwe lakhe le-inthanethi

Enye indlela yokugcina imfihlo kungaba ukukugcina uvalelwe ngaphandle ngokuphelele empilweni yakhe ebonakalayo. Ozakwethu, ikakhulukazi labo abahlala ndawonye ngomshado noma ngenye indlela, bagcina sebebelana ngamaphasiwedi emafonini, ama-akhawunti e-imeyili, ama-akhawunti enkundla yezokuxhumana, izinhlelo zokusebenza zokukhokha, izinhlelo zokusebenza zokwabelana ngokugibela, njll. Ukufinyelela kumafoni womunye nomunye kuvamise ukuba yinto engokoqobo ethathelwa indawo.

Kodwa-ke, uma ngokungazelelwe uzithola ungenayo ifoni yomlingani wakho, noma idivayisi, kanye nomhlaba obonakalayo ohlala kuwo, kungenzeka ukuthi kukhona okuthile lapho angafuni ukuthi ukubone. Uma umyeni wakho ethumele izithombe komunye wesifazane futhi athole imbuyiselo, ubengeke athande ukuthi ukwazi ukufinyelela kuzo, manje ubengathanda yini? Kanye nokushintsha izikhonkwane ezindala, ingabe wafaka ezintsha? Ithi, kugalari yakhe yezithombe noma kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuthumela imiyalezo? Lokho kusho okuningi!

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4. Udala i-akhawunti entsha yenkundla yezokuxhumana/ubunikazi be-imeyili/inombolo yocingo

Umsebenzisi esithangamini sengxoxo yomama ubuza , “Umyeni wami une-akhawunti yesibili ye-Facebook. Ingabe uyakopela?” Uqhubeka athi (kuhlelwe ngokufushane), “Ngisola ukuthi umyeni wami uyakopela. Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa ezedlule, wayesebenzisa i-Facebook kwi-laptop yami futhi wakhohlwa ukuphuma. Ngabheka imiyalezo yakhe ye-Facebook ngathola ukuthi uthumele isicelo sobungani kowesifazane. Ngabheka uhlu lwabangani bakhe futhi ngathola ukuthi base bexhumene kakade. Hhayi negama lakhe elijwayelekile, kodwa negama elifinyeziwe. Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi nguye. Ngakho-ke, empeleni, useyifakile i-akhawunti yesibili ye-FB. Angazi ukuthi ngicabangeni. Ngifuna ukumbuza, kodwa anginabo ubufakazi obuqinile. Ngididekile kakhulu njengamanje.”

Uma lokhu kuzwakala kujwayelekile, sicela wazi ukuthi akukho neyodwa yezimpendulo ezingu-28 kuleli khasi ethi "ucabanga kakhulu ngakho", noma ukuthi kufanele akushaye indiva. Bameluleka ukuthi abambe umlingani wakhe okhohlisayo ngokungemthetho noma ambuze ngakho. Okufanele ukwenze kulesi simo, sizoxoxa nochwepheshe wethu kamuva kulesi sihloko. Okwamanje, yazi ukuthi uma umlingani wakho edala i-akhawunti yesibili yezokuxhumana enegama eliyimfihlo noma i-akhawunti entsha ye-imeyili, ngaphandle kolwazi lwakho, mhlawumbe kukhona isizathu sokuthi kungani bengafuni ukuthi wazi ngakho.

5. Useqalile ukukhuluma ngokubaluleka kwemfihlo ngokuphazima kweso

Cabanga ukuthi wena nowakwakho benilokhu nikholelwa ekwabelaneni ngocingo, amaphasiwedi, kanye nempilo yenu ebonakalayo. Uma omunye wenu engakwazi ukufinyelela ifoni yakho, ucela omunye ukuthi ayithathe futhi ayidlulisele kuwe. Uma bengekho nawe ubamba ucingo ocingweni loshade naye.

Bese kuthi ngolunye usuku oluhle, umyeni wakho aqale ukukhuluma “ngesikhala somuntu siqu”, “ubumfihlo”, “ubunye” njll. Uqala ukucacisa ukuthi uzogwema ukuthinta ifoni yakho ngoba lokho kuyimpilo yakho siqu. Nakuba isikhala somuntu siqu kanye nobumfihlo ebudlelwaneni kungeyona izimpawu ezibomvu ngokwazo (eqinisweni, kuyizimpawu zokuxhumana okuqinile), ukuphikelela ngokuzumayo nangokungachazeki kobumfihlo kuyinto okufanele ukhathazeke ngayo. Uma kuhlanganiswa nezinye izimpawu zomyeni wakho ukuthi uyakhohlisa ngokomzwelo, kungadweba isithombe. Uyazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini!

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6. Uma esocingweni, umzimba wakhe uyashesha

Olunye uphawu olusobala kakhulu ukuthi umyeni wakho uthumelela omunye umuntu imiyalezo yocansi ukumomotheka, ukuma komzimba okuvulekile nokukhululekile, iqolo eligaqekile, i-spunk esinyathelweni sakhe, njll - ivayibhu edlala ngothando lapho esocingweni lwakhe noma lapho ethola isaziso ongasibamba egumbini.

Uyazi ukuthi ungabona kanjani ukuthi umuntu osemusha ethandana nocingo lwakhe? Umuntu omdala ungaba njalo. Themba amathumbu akho kulokhu. Umyeni wakho akakhulumi nomphathi wakhe futhi akaxoxi nomama wakhe ebhalwe lokho kuhleka ebusweni bakhe.

7. Ukuziphatha kwakhe ocingweni kuye kwashintsha ngokuzumayo

Uma umyeni wakho ebhalela omunye wesifazane nsuku zonke, kuningi okuzoshintsha endleleni aphatha ngayo ucingo lwakhe. Kusukela ezikhathini eziningi kuye endleleni asabela ngayo lapho ucingo lwakhe lunesaziso, nalapho ehambela khona izingcingo nemiyalezo, imikhuba yomyeni okhohlisayo izoshintsha ukuze ivumelane nomuntu omusha kanye nezimfihlo ezimzungezile. Isibonelo, qaphela okulandelayo:

• Ingabe uyaphuma ekamelweni ukuze alalele ucingo noma aphendule umqhafazo lapho engakaze akwenze lokho ngaphambili?
• Uma ehlala esula umlando wakhe wengxoxo namarekhodi ezingcingo, kuyinkomba yokuthi umyeni wakho ususa imibhalo komunye wesifazane (noma izingcingo, ngaleyo ndlela).
• Ngokufanayo, uma ifolda ethi 'Osanda kususwa' kugalari yezithombe zocingo lwakhe ihlale ingenalutho, kungase kusho ukuthi ubesula ifoni yakhe esusa ubufakazi bezithombe bokuthi ukuthumelana imiyalezo ngocansi - nqunu futhi konke
• Ingabe uyalibala ukuthatha ucingo ukuze ahlole izaziso lapho ehlale eshesha ukuphendula ngaphambi kwesikhathi? Noma ngokuphambene
  Ingabe ubheka noma uphendula imibhalo evela kwizinombolo ezingaziwa kaningi?

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8. Umyeni wakho uyazivikela uma umbuza ngakho

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezicacile zomyeni okhohlisayo ukuthi uzozivikela uma ebhekene naye. Angase anikeze izaba noma azame ukuzithethelela ngokuziphatha kwakhe kodwa naye uyazi ukuthi uqamba amanga nokuthi ungabona ngakuye. Ngakho-ke, ukusabela kwakhe kwemvelo emibuzweni evela kuwe kungase kuhilele ulaka, ulaka olungenamsebenzi, ukuphika ngokuphelele, noma ngisho nokukuhlambalaza ngezindlela ezahlukene. Naka okulandelayo:

• Uma ephendula itafula ngokukubuza imibuzo ngokuziphatha kwakho noma ngezindaba ezithile ezedlule noma obunye ubudlelwano bakho obungezona ezothando engxoxweni efanayo noma maduze nje, uzama ukuphambukisa ingxoxo.
• Uma ekhetha lesi sikhathi ukuthi akhulume ngendlela omholele ngayo ukuthi azizwe eyedwa, ngaphandle kokuvuma ukuziphatha kwakhe, uhileleka ekuziphatheni okukhohlisayo. Uyaphinda futhi ukufihlela izinto ngokususa ukugxila kuye akubeke kuwe
• Uma ezama ukukuthela ngezipho, izincomo, nokunaka, ngaphandle kokukhuluma ngezinto ezikukhathazayo, usuke ekuqhumisa uthando ngezisusa ezingezinhle.

Qaphela: Ukusolwa ngokungathembeki kungaba nzima ukukwamukela, ikakhulukazi uma kungebona abanephutha. Nika umlingani wakho ithuba lokusabela kukho ngendlela yakhe. Kodwa ebudlelwaneni obunothando obunempilo, umlingani wakho angabhekana nezinkinga zakho ngendlela ecacile futhi eyanelisayo, noma ngabe kuthatha isikhathi ukukwenza lokho.

9. Ungabona ukuthi ukhulela kude

Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani sikhohlisa abalingani esizibophezele kubo. Ngenkathi sizoxoxa ngala maphuzu ngokulandelayo esihlokweni, yazi ukuthi zonke lezi zimpawu namafulegi abomvu owabonayo eduze kwakho ekugcineni kuncike kulesi sibonakaliso esiyisixwayiso sokungathembeki. Ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi wena nomlingani wakho niyahlukana ngenkathi yena esondela komunye umuntu?

Indoda ephazamisekile kwenye indawo ngeke ngokwemvelo ibeke amandla afanayo ebuhlotsheni bayo bamanje. Lokhu kukodwa akusho ukuthi usezihoxile ngokuphelele ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni bakhe nawe. Kodwa uma ubona ezinye izimpawu ukuthi umyeni wakho akasakuthandi, ubudlelwano bakho bomshado bungase bube senkingeni.

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Njengamanje kufanele ube nombono ocacile wokuthi ukungabaza kwakho akunasisekelo noma kukhona okukukhathazayo okubambe iqhaza empilweni yakho yomshado. Sithemba ukuthi nawe uzizwa uqiniseka ngokwengeziwe ngokuya kumlingani wakho futhi ukhulume naye ngakho. (Ungakwenzi okwamanje. Sizokutshela ukuthi kwenziwa kanjani ngakho.)

Nokho, awufuni ukweqa isibhamu ngokucabangela bese wengeza uphethiloli emlilweni ngaphandle kokuqonda izinto ezimbalwa kuqala. Ngisho noma lokhu kuyicala elibi kakhulu lokukopela nokuqamba amanga okuholela ekuhlukaneni, ufuna ukwenza lokhu ngaphandle kokuphazamisa impilo yakho unomphela kanye nomuzwa wakho wokuzethemba. Sibuze uNandita ngezizathu ezenza abantu bakopele. Kungase kusinikeze ukuqonda kokuthi kungani umyeni wakho engase athumele omunye wesifazane umbhalo.

1. Ukuntuleka kothando noma isibopho esingokomzwelo kwasekuqaleni

Nakuba lokhu kungase kungabi yiqiniso kuwe, ake sikususe endleleni. UNandita uthi, “Imibhangqwana eminingi emiphakathini lapho imishado ehleliwe ivame khona, noma imibhangqwana ekhetha ukushada ngoba bobabili abalingani bahlola amabhokisi athile ofanelana kahle ohlwini lomunye nomunye, noma eshada ngokushesha kakhulu ngaphandle kokuvumela isibopho esingokomzwelo ukuba sakheke, ingase ivame ukubona imifantu ebudlelwaneni bayo ikhula. Ikakhulukazi ngesimo sokungathembeki komunye noma bobabili abashadile.”

UDkt. Greg Baer, ​​MD, encwadini yakhe ethi, Real Love in Marriage, uphindela kuleli phuzu. Uthi, “Ukungathembeki kwenzeka kuzo zonke izimo ngenxa yokuntuleka “kothando lwangempela” emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni.” Ngokusho kwakhe, imibhangqwana eminingi iphambanisa uthando nokunamathelana . Ayinawo “uthando lwangempela” bese ilufaka esikhundleni salo “uthando lokulingisa”. Balindele ukuthi abalingani babo babenze bajabule. Futhi lapho impilo ithatha izintambo, noma injabulo isiphelile, “ngokwemvelo baphetha ngokuthi umlingani wabo ngandlela thile uyehluleka ukugcina isivumelwano sakhe. Bobabili bazizwa belahliwe futhi bekhashelwe.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-10 Ezenza Ubuhlobo Obuhle – Ngokusho Kochwepheshe

2. Ubuchwepheshe benza ukungathembeki kube lula

“Kulezi zinsuku sekulula nje ukukopela ngamawebhusayithi okuqomisana kanye nezinkundla zokuxhumana, kunangezikhathi zangaphambi kwe-inthanethi. Manje sekufinyeleleka kalula. Izindlela zokukopela ziyahlukahluka futhi ziningi,” kusho uNandita. Ucwaningo oluthakazelisayo olwenziwe yi-Open University luqinisekisa lokhu. Luthola ukuthi “i-inthanethi yenza ukungathembeki kube lula” ngokwenza “ukuxhumana ngasese nomunye umuntu kube lula” kanye “nokwenza kube lula ukuzibandakanya ekuziphatheni okungase kugwenywe empilweni yangempela.”

Izimpendulo ezimbili ezingaziwa zabasebenzisi ocwaningweni olufanayo zikufingqa ngokumangalisayo.

• “Ngizamile ukukumisa kodwa akekho kithina owakwazi, bekuzoqala futhi njengoba bekulula kakhulu, ngabo bonke ubuchwepheshe esinabo bekuyinto eduduzayo futhi ehehayo ukuba nayo. Ngamahora amade okusebenza, ubudlelwano be-inthanethi bufana nokudla okusheshayo, okulungile lapho sigangile, sigangile, sishibhile, esivame ukudliwa sodwa ngaphandle kokukhathala kobumnandi”
• "Ngiyethemba kakhulu i-inthanethi futhi nginomuzwa wokuthi isiza kakhulu ukungathembeki. Umyeni wami wangaphambili uyindoda enamahloni kakhulu, kodwa uyakwazi ukwenza ngokuzethemba nakakhulu donsa ukunaka kwabanye abantu besifazane ku-inthanethi. Ngikholelwa ngokuqinile ukuthi ubengeke abe nezindaba eziningi kangaka ngaphandle kwe-inthanethi "

3. Umehluko ezifisweni zocansi

“Lapho umlingani enesifiso esinamandla noma uhlobo oluhluke kancane lwesifiso somunye, angase azizwe ephoqelekile ukuthi abheke kwenye indawo,” kusho uNandita. Ukungahambisani kwezocansi kungaba yisisusa esikhulu sokukopela, ngokujwayelekile, kanye nokukopela ku-inthanethi, kulokhu. Ngama-libidos angafani noma ama-kinks noma izifiso, abantu bazizwa bekhuthazwa ukuthi babheke kwenye indawo.

Ukuntuleka kokuhambisana ngokocansi , ngokungafani nanoma yisiphi esinye isizathu esibalwe kulolu hlu, kuyisizathu sokukopela. Kuvamile kakhulu njengoba bengekho abantu ababili abangaba nezidingo zobulili ezifanayo futhi baphile impilo yabo yonke. Abantu abanempilo yomshado enempilo basebenza kulezi zindlela ezihlukile futhi bathole izindlela ezinempilo zokubhekana nalezi zinkinga.

4. Umehluko emazingeni okuzinikela

Ekhuluma ngesinye isizathu esibalulekile sokuthi kungani umyeni wakho engase athumelele omunye umuntu imiyalezo yocansi, uNandita uthi, “Uma isimiso sokubaluleka kwabo bobabili abalingani behlukile futhi omunye wabo ekholelwa futhi ebonisa izinga eliphansi lokuzinikela ebudlelwaneni, lokhu kungase kuholele ekutheni lowo muntu ahlole ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene.” Kunesinye isici salokhu kungafani ohlelweni lwenani lomuntu - incazelo yomuntu yokungathembeki.

Ucwaningo lwe-Open University okukhulunywe ngalo ngaphambili lukhomba lokhu kungahambisani ohlelweni lwezindinganiso lwabalingani bobabili. “Lokho okubhekwa njengokungathembeki ku-inthanethi kungahluka kumuntu nomuntu. Lokho okungase kubhekwe njengokuxoxa okungahleliwe ngomunye umlingani, kuyalimaza futhi akuthembekile komunye, isibonelo.” Khumbula ama-71% abaphendulile ocwaningweni lwe-BBC Radio ababheka ukuthumela imiyalezo yocansi njengokukhohlisa? Kuthiwani ngama-29% asele? Ingabe umyeni wakho noma umkakho angaba ngomunye wabo?

5. Ukugcwalisa isikhala

Esinye isici esibalulekile esishukumisa ukukopela yisifiso sokugcwalisa isikhala. Njengoba impilo iqhubeka, ngemithwalo yemfanelo emisha kanye nezinguquko zempilo, isimo sengqondo somlingani ngamunye singashintsha. Ukuze babhekane nalesi simo, omunye umlingani angase akhethe ukungena egobolondweni lakhe kuyilapho omunye ezizwa enesizungu. “Umlingani wakho angase azizwe engaqondwa kahle, noma engaqondwa, noma enganakwa ngomunye umlingani wakhe. Angase azame ukugcwalisa leso sikhala ngokufuna omunye umuntu angakhuluma naye, noma angasondelana naye,” kusho uNandita. Ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo kanye nesizungu kungenye yezizathu eziphezulu zokuthi kungani abantu bekopela.

Ngenxa yalokhu kudebeselela, umuntu angahlushwa yizinkinga zokungazethembi noma imizwa yokuzinyeza. “Uma ophathina bengasakhi indawo yokukhulumisana ngalezi zinto, lokho kungenza umuntu azizwe ecindezelwe, kumenze aphambuke,” kusho uNandita. Umlingani wakho naye angathumela omunye wesifazane ukuthi afune ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle noma ukugcwalisa isikhala esingokomzwelo.

Futhi, lesi akusona izaba zokukopela. Kodwa lokhu kungase kukusize uqonde ukuthi bavelaphi, uzwele uma kungenzeka, futhi kukusize nobabili nenze isiqalo esisha uma lokho kuyilokho enikufunayo nobabili.

Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Umyeni Wakho Ethumela I-Sexting Omunye wesifazane

"Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi lolu lwazi lufika kuwe ngaphandle kwesizathu, noma ngabe ubukade uthambekele ezindleleni zokukhohlisa zomyeni wakho, usakushaya emathunjini akho. Uthola lowo muzwa ocwilayo emgodini wesisu sakho futhi uthole ukuthi umhlaba wakho usuhlakazekile," kusho uNandita lapho ekhuluma ngokuthi isipiliyoni sokungathembeki singamphazamisa kanjani lowo oyisisulu. Uyanezela: “Ungase uzizwe ulahlekelwe ngokuphelele ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngokulandelayo.

Yilapho singena khona. Ake sibheke ukuthi yini ongayenza uma usutholile noma unezinsolo eziqinile zokuthi umlingani wakho ubekukhohlisa ngezindlela ze-inthanethi.

1. Khuluma naye

Ayikho enye indlela ezungeze leliva elikhulu ohlangothini lwakho. Kuleli qophelo, ungase ube nobufakazi bokuthi umlingani wakho ubethumelela omunye wesifazane imiyalezo yocansi, izinsolo eziqinile, noma inkiling. Kunoma yikuphi, ukuxhumana kuyindlela enempilo yokuthola isixazululo.

"Uma ukuqala ingxoxo ngokwakho kubonakala kungelula, cela umuntu wesithathu ongathathi hlangothi ukuthi akukhulumele. Kodwa iphuzu liwukuthi, ngesinye isikhathi, kuzodingeka ulungise inkinga," kusho uNandita. Nazi izinto ezimbalwa okufanele uzikhumbule lapho ubhekene nomlingani okhohlisayo:

• Ziqinise kuqala futhi uhlale uzolile. Thatha isikhathi esiningi njengoba udinga ukwenza njalo ngaphambi kokubhekana nomlingani wakho
• Ungadlali imidlalo yengqondo nomlingani wakho okwamanje. Lokho kuyingcindezi engadingekile kuwena nasebudlelwaneni bakho
• Uma sekufike isikhathi, qina, ubabuke emehlweni, ubabuze ngakho. Hlala uhloniphekile. Ungasebenzisa ithoni esemthethweni efana nebhizinisi kunqubo
• Ungakhombi iminwe noma usho izinsolo. Kunalokho, beka phansi lokho okutholile. Batshele ukuthi kubukeka kanjani kuwe, esikhundleni sokusho abakwenzile
• Isibonelo, yithi, "Ngithole ukuthi une-akhawunti yomgunyathi. Kungani unayo?" esikhundleni sokuthi “Kungani ubungikhohlisa?”
• Zilungiselele ukuthi baqale baphikise ukusola kwakho. Banike isikhathi esanele sokukuphendula
• Isikhathi esizwakalayo yilokho okubonakala kunengqondo kuwe kuye ngesimo sakho, ubuntu bomlingani wakho, ukukhululeka kokuxhumana enibelana ngakho nobabili, njll. Kungaba ubusuku obubodwa, usuku lomsebenzi lapho enendawo ethile yokuziqoqa, noma impelasonto. Uma edinga isikhathi esengeziwe, kufanele akutshele lokho nawe
• Ngemuva kwalesi sigaba, nobabili ninganquma ukuthatha isikhathi noma indawo okuvunyelwene ngayo ngaphambi kokuthi nihlale nikhulume ngakho.

Qaphela: Qiniseka ukuthi ugcina izingane zakho, uma unazo, zingangeni kule ngxoxo ngazo zonke izindleko. Zama ukuzithumela kumngane noma esihlotsheni lapho ubhekene nomyeni wakho . Ungathembeli “ekukhulumeni ngobumnene”. Lokho ngokuvamile akusebenzi uma intukuthelo ivutha.

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2. Ungakhohlwa ukukhuluma ngesizathu

Uma ungathanda ukunikeza ubudlelwano bakho ithuba elifanelekile, kufanele ugxile kwisixazululo. UNandita weluleka ukuthi kugxilwe ezizatho zokuthi kungani ethumelela abanye abantu besifazane imiyalezo yocansi. “Angase anikeze izizathu ezingelona iqiniso ekuqaleni, kodwa nobabili nidinga ukukhuluma ngokuthi yini ngempela emshukumisela ukuba akwenze lokho,” usho kanje.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi unesibopho sokuyidedela, noma ukuthi uthethelela i-SO yakho ngaphambi kokwenza. Lokhu kusho ukuthi nindawonye nifuna imifantu ukuze nibone ukuthi ningayilungisa yini. UDkt. Baer naye usikisela ukuthi uma isisulu singabona imbangela yokungathembeki bese sisabela ngendlela enempilo, umshado ungasinda othandweni bese uqiniswa. Noma kunjalo, ukuxhumana okunenjongo ngale ndaba kungenzeka kuphela uma:

• Ungaphuma ekhanda lakho futhi ukubone njengenkinga okufanele uyixazulule
• Uthola isimo sengqondo sozwela sokuqonda okungenani okwamanje
• Ukhuthaza umlingani wakho ukuthi akhulume futhi umnikeze indawo ephephile ukuze aveze imizwa yakhe
• Umlingani wakho wokukopela uzimisele ukulungisa noma ukubeka umzamo wokulungisa ubudlelwano

Ngakho-ke, uma umlingani wakho ethi akacabangi ukuthi ukuthumelelana imiyalezo yocansi kuyinto enkulu, niyazi ukuthi nobabili anikwazi ukuphuma kulokhu ngaphandle kokulethana ekhasini elilodwa mayelana nemibono yenu yokungathembeki. Noma, uma umlingani wakho ezwakalisa ukuzizwa engabalulekile ebudlelwaneni, noma efuna nje injabulo kwenye indawo, noma ukuthi ukuthumelana imiyalezo yocansi kuwumdlalo wocansi, ungabona lapho lokho kunithatha khona nobabili.

3. Hlola amazinga akhe okuzinikela

Thatha isikhathi sokulinganisa ukuziphatha kwakhe ngemva kokungqubuzana. Umbuke ukude. Nakulokhu futhi, udinga ukuba nobuhlakani kulesi sigaba futhi uphume endaweni yokulimala engqondweni yakho. Qaphela amazinga akhe okuzinikela. Ingabe uzisola ngempela? Ngabe usazimisele ngobudlelwano?

Hlala uqotho ekuhloleni ukubaluleka kwempendulo yakhe. Ingabe uyazisola ngokukopela futhi ufuna ukulungisa izinto ? Ingabe ukuxolisa kwakhe kuzwakala kuqotho? Ingabe usho izinto ezinhle ukuze akududuze futhi anganaki ukuziphatha kwakhe, noma usho ukuthi uqonde zona? Uma eqala ngokuthukuthela, ingabe kusho ukuthi akanandaba, noma lokho kwakuwukusabela nje kokuzivikela?

Lokhu kuhlola kuzokusiza ukuthi unqume ukuthi yini okudingeka uyenze ngokulandelayo. Ingabe umyeni wakho uyakuhlonipha? (Ungaphendula lo mbuzo ukuze uthole impendulo.) Ungathanda yini ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano bomshado nalo muntu? Uyalibona ithemba ngani nobabili? Noma kungcono - kunzima, yebo kodwa kungcono - ukuthi nibe nobabili?

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4. Zibophezele kumasu obudlelwano obunempilo ukuya phambili

Uma nobabili nifinyelela esivumelwaneni sokuthi ubudlelwano buzohlala lapha futhi nizosebenza ebuhlotsheni, nobabili kufanele nizibophezele ekuthatheni izinyathelo ezibambekayo.

• Zibophezele ekuvuleni imigudu yokuxhumana ukuya phambili
• Thatha izinyathelo zokwakha kabusha ukwethembana okulahlekile
• Xhumana nomeluleki wemishado ogxile ekusizeni izithandani ukubhekana nenkinga yokukopela nokuthandana ngaphandle komshado. Uma ufuna uchwepheshe ngokushesha, ungathola i-Bonobology's iphaneli yochwepheshes lapha

5. Gxila ekuzinziseni wena

Yenza konke esikutshele kona, ngaso sonke isikhathi uzibeke phambili “uqobo”. Ukuthola umlingani wakho ekhohlisa kungalimaza ukuzethemba kwakho. Kumelwe wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuziqinisa ukuze ubhekane nalesi sigaba esinzima, kungaba ukuthethelela umlingani wakho okhohlisayo noma ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano.

Kusukela ekuthululeni isifuba kumngane kuya ekuchitheni isikhathi nawe, kusukela ekugxileni kobunye ubudlelwano kuya ekuqinisekiseni ukuthi uthola imifino eyanele, udinga ukugxila empilweni yakho ephelele ngayo yonke indlela ongakhona ngayo. Uzodinga lokho ukuze uzizwe uzinzile, uphilile, futhi ulungele ukwenza izinqumo ezifanele.

Likhona ithemba. Imibhangqwana elulama ngempela ekungathembeki ngokuvamile ibika ukuthi yakhe isibopho esiqinile ohlelweni lokwakha kabusha ukwethembana okulahlekile. U-Nandita naye uthi, “Uma bobabili abalingani bezimisele ngo-100% ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni babo bamanje ngokuhlanganyela nangokwethembeka endaweni evulekile, maningi amathuba okuthi kungase kusebenze.” 

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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