Uma sikhuluma ngezindaba, kucatshangwa ukuthi umshado uphukile. Kodwa ingabe ukujola kungawusiza umshado wakho? Umbuzo othokozisayo, ongenazo izimpendulo ezilula. Ngaphandle kwalapho indoda nomfazi bobabili bethambekele ku-polyamory, ubuhlobo bobulili obungaphandle komshado buhlale buwucha. Isisekelo esinamandla somshado siwukuba nomfazi oyedwa, ngakho ukungathembeki kuhlale kubhekwa njengokulimazayo, akunjalo?
Kodwa abanye bangase bathi umshado ungathola izinzuzo zokuya ngaphandle komshado, futhi ukwenze wazise owakwakho kakhulu. Phela uthando luyi-multidimensional. Mhlawumbe uhlobo oluthile lothando empeleni luqinisa olunye. Sathola isixuku sabantu okufanele basilinganise, futhi imicabango yabo yayihlukene futhi imangalisa.
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Okuqukethwe
Izimbangela zokuqomisana ngaphandle komshado ziningi - isithukuthezi, isizungu, umuzwa wokungabongwa. Ukujola ngaphandle komshado - leyo ehilela ukuhlalisana, ucansi kanye nokusebenzelana phakathi kwabantu (hhayi nje ukunamathelana ngokocansi noma ngokomzwelo) - ingakunikeza ithuba lokubona umshado wakho ngeso elisha.
Kungase kukukhuthaze ukuba ulungise umshado wakho. Phela, omunye izizathu zokulala ngaphandle komshado umshado omile. Abanye esikhulume nabo baphakamise ukuthi ukujola kungawuvuselela umshado ngokuhlehla kulokho okucatshangwa ukuthi umile. Ngamanye amazwi, ubuhlobo bangaphandle komshado buba yisipuni esinyakazisa ibhodwe.
Singena ebudlelwaneni bangaphandle komshado ngenxa yokuthi izidingo ezithile azihlangabezwana nomshado wethu - ubuhlobo bangaphandle komshado buhluke kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bomshado ngokwemvelo yabo. Uma siqhathanisa bobabili ubudlelwano, lokhu kuqhathanisa kusibonisa lokho ebesikuphuthele ebuhlotsheni bethu bomshado. Ngakho, sithola ukunquma ukuthi yini ngempela esiyidingayo emshadweni wethu ukuze sizizwe sanelisekile.
Kulesi siqeshana, sibuze abantu ngezinzuzo zokulala nomuntu ngaphandle komshado, uma zikhona, nokuthi ingabe ukuthandana okunjalo kungawulungisa ngempela umshado wakho.
Ukuthandana komyeni wami kwasindisa umshado wethu
USawmya Tewari uyavuma ukuthi ukuthandana ngaphandle komshado kungaletha injabulo empilweni yomuntu yomshado futhi kukwenze wazise owakwakho Okuningi. Wathi: “Ukuthandana komyeni wami kwasindisa umshado wethu.
USawmya naye uveze isigameko somyeni owaqola unkosikazi wakhe kodwa bake baya kolulekwa ngokwengqondo manje isibuyile inhlansi emshadweni wabo. “Umngane wami waphatheka kabi lapho ezwa ngale ndaba, kodwa lapho umyeni wakhe efuna ukulungisa ubuhlobo babo, waqaphela ukuthi naye wayefuna.” “Ugcina ukwazisa oshade naye kakhudlwana lapho ucabanga ukulahlekelwa nguye noma ucabanga ngaye nomunye umuntu,” ecabanga.
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Ukuphinga nomshado akuhambisani ngaso sonke isikhathi
Kodwa kuhlale kukhona uhlangothi lapho ukuqomisana kungenza umshado ube mubi kakhulu, futhi uyabona ukuthi uyazisola ngendaba yakho. USmriti uthe unabangani abenza umshado wabo okwesibili ngemuva kokusinda esothandweni. Kodwa, waxwayisa, ukuqomisana kungase kusize ekuvuseleleni ilangabi elidala emshadweni wethu, kodwa uma kwenziwa ngokweqisa, “Ngokuvamile kugcina kuba inhlekelele emshadweni, ngoba kakade ususiphulile isibopho sokwethembana bese, esikhundleni sokuba umshado wakho ube ngcono, uphumela enhlekeleleni.”
Kukhona esinye isici sokuqomisana, futhi. USmriti uveze ukuthi nakuba ukujola kungasiza umshado, omunye wesifazane noma indoda ethandanayo ingase ibe nethemba lokuthi ngelinye ilanga, ukujola kuzophenduka ubuhlobo. “Kulokhu, labo abasemshadweni baye bakwazi ukwenza ukuphila kwabo kwanelise.” Kodwa cabanga ukuthi kungafanele kanjani ‘komunye’ olangazelela uthando nokunakekelwa, kodwa agcine enesizungu nsuku zonke!”
Ukuze ukuqomisana kwenze izimanga emshadweni, bobabili abalingani kufanele babhekane kahle nokuthandana, okuyinto engeke yenzeke ngempela, uma kubhekwa ubugovu bethu kanye nokuba nezinto.
Ukujola kungase kubhidlize umshado wakho
Abanye abantu bebeshaya phansi ngonyawo bethi ukujola akwenzeki ukuthi usize umshado. "Ukuqomisana ngeke kuphumelele ukuvuselela impilo yakho yomshado izikhathi ezingu-99/100. Futhi lokho kungenzeka ukuthi angisoze ngabhejela," kusho u-Ayushi. "Ukuthola i-pep ngezindleko zokwethenjwa? Ungayi lapho - ingase ibuye izokuluma," kuxwayisa u-Amreeta Sen, kuyilapho u-Ankur evuma ukuthi izindaba zokuthembela zizohlala zikhona nalowo oqhathiwe.
Kunzima ukusula ubuhlungu obunjalo. “Izithandani zingaqhubeka nganoma yisiphi isizathu kodwa kunzima ngisho ukukuyeka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi,” usho kanje. "Abantu abathandana nabo ngaphandle komshado baziwa ngokuthambile futhi benakekela abantu abathandana nabo. Kungenzeka ukuthi ngenxa yecala, baqala ukucabangela, kodwa namanje banecala," kusho uDkt Sanjeev Trivedi, enikeza umbono ohlukile.
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Ngezinye izikhathi ukungathembeki kungenza umshado uqine
Ukungathembeki kungenza onecala abone imiphumela yokwephulwa komthetho uma sekwaziwa futhi kumenze ahlole ukuthi ukujola nokwephulwa kwethemba bekufanelekile yini, kusho u-Amit Shankar Saha. Kodwa kungase kube khona ukuqomisana lapho kungekho lutho olufihliwe futhi ezimweni ezinjalo, ikakhulukazi lapho abashadile bengabangane abakhulu, into ebalulekile iwukuba nomthwalo wemfanelo.
Ngokuvamile akudingekile ukuba umuntu oshadile aze afike ezingeni lokuba neshende eliphelele kodwa kunalokho kudingeka kube umuntu onganikeza ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo. Enjalo izindaba zemizwa ngezinye izikhathi zibhekwa njengokungathembeki komngane womshado, kodwa ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuqomisana kungase kwenze umshado uqine.
U-Amit uyavuma, “Kukude kakhulu ukucabanga ukuthi umuntu ongashadile anganikeza zonke izinhlobo zokwaneliseka..
“Futhi kukhona imizwa engase ivumelane nomuntu oshade naye kanti eminye ifaneleka kakhulu kumngane noma kumuntu ohlukile.
Ukukopela kuhle emshadweni wakho
Kungenzeka ukuba nobungane obuqinile ngaphandle komshado, kodwa lapho imigqa yalobu buhlobo iqala ukufiphala, kungase kube nezinkinga. Kodwa imibhangqwana eminingi abaye babhekana nayo ukuphulukiswa ngemva kokuthandana bathi bawabona amaphutha abo futhi baqala ukusebenzela umshado owathuthukisa ubudlelwano babo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kodwa bonke bayavuma ukuthi izindaba ziza nemiphumela, ukuthi uthatha isinqumo sokusingatha kanjani lokho kukuwe.
Ekuqaleni, bambalwa abantu ababengathi “Ukukopela umyeni wami kwasindisa umshado wami” noma “Umkami wajabula kakhulu lapho ezwa ukuthi ngilele nomunye umuntu”. Futhi bambalwa abantu abangena ebudlelwaneni obungaphandle komshado becabanga ukuthi "Ukukopela kuwulungele umshado wami". Lapho abashadile sebekwazi ngokukopela, ubuhlungu bengqondo abadlula kubo bubuhlungu.
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Kodwa lapho beqala ukucosha izingcezu ngemva kokuqomisana, kungase kwenzeke ukuthi bafake impilo entsha emshadweni ngoba umbhangqwana ulokhu uzama kanzima. Yilapho ongathi mhlawumbe ukukopela kuvele kulunge emshadweni wakho.
Uthando luyinkimbinkimbi, futhi uthando olwenzeka ngaphandle kwemithetho nezakhiwo luyinkimbinkimbi nakakhulu. Umuntu angaba nothando lwabaningi ngaphandle kokujola futhi angazizwa enecala ngokuphika lolo thando kumngane wakhe womshado. Uma sekushiwo, kudinga umsebenzi omningi, ukwelashwa, kanye nesifiso sangempela sokuphulukisa nokulungisa umshado, uma unethemba lokuqala kabusha ngemva kokuqomisana. Ingabe ukujola sekuwusizile umshado wakho? Sazise kumazwana angezansi.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Izindaba zingenzeka ngisho nasemishadweni engcono kakhulu. Izimbangela zokulalana ngaphandle komshado kungaba isithukuthezi, ukuntula ucansi, ukuzizwa ungaziswa, noma ukuba nesizungu. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuqomisana kuba ngokomzwelo kuphela lapho omunye womshado ezwa ukuthi izidingo zabo azihlangatshezwana nomshado.
Kunezimo lapho ukuqomisana kubuyisela inhlansi emshadweni noma kwenza umuntu amazise kakhulu umngane womshado. Kodwa kudinga umsebenzi omningi ukulungisa umshado uma sekutholakele ukuthi umshado uyathandana, futhi ngezinye izikhathi, ukwethembana kuphelile futhi umshado awunakusindiswa.
Ukuthandana ngaphandle komshado kungaba ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, noma kokubili. Ngezinye izikhathi, kuwukuzulazula ngokomzimba, ngezinye izikhathi isibopho somzwelo. Izindaba ezingaphandle komshado zingaphenduka uthando noma ubuhlobo obugcwele, kodwa ngokuvamile, ingxenye eyodwa yendaba ibuyela kumlingani wabo womshado.
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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Ukukopela akulona iphutha kodwa isinqumo esenziwa umkhohlisi ngokulahla ukuzibophezela, umlingiswa kanye nezimiso zokuziphatha emgqonyeni wothuli nokwabelana ngomzimba kumuntu wesithathu ukuze asetshenziswe. “Singena ebudlelwaneni bangaphandle komshado ngoba izidingo ezithile azihlangabezwana nomshado wethu ” – Khona-ke kungani umuntu engaxoxi nomngane wakhe womshado futhi athuthukise ubuhlobo bakhe. Ngoba bayizigebengu ezinobugovu futhi ababathandi abashade nabo. futhi bayazi ukuthi "i-Ghar ki chor ko ngeke ngisho noNkulunkulu angabamba". Yingakho bejabulela ukusetshenziswa ngokungenamahloni ngumuntu wesithathu. Umkhohlisi uhlale ejabulela isenzo sokungabi namahloni ubuhlungu obuzwiwa umngane womshado oqotho. Ingabe kuyafaneleka ukuba nomkhohlisi ekhaya noma kuwufanele ukuba nesilwane esifuywayo esithembekile (nakuba kuyisilwane) ekhaya yilokho okufanele umngane womshado othembekile anqume . Ingabe kufanelekile ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni nomkhohlisi noma kuwufanele ukusebenza ubuhlobo obusha nomuntu omusha kungcono ngoba uma umuntu enquma ukuhlala nomkhohlisi, ubuso obugwegwile nobuqili kufanele abubone usuku nosuku. Ngokugxuma ophahleni umuntu uzoziphuka, ukwazi lokhu akudingeki agxume futhi azihlaziye. Like this one dont need cheating to know the probelms in marriage. Lokhu kumane nje kuyizaba zokusekela isenzo sokungabi namahloni samaqola angenasimilo ukuze ujabulele izinzuzo zomshado njengezimuncagazi emzimbeni. Abakhwabanisi banamathela emshadweni ukuze bajabulele izinzuzo zomshado nokwenza izinto ezingcolile ngemuva komngane womshado othembekile ngemva kwalokho umkhohlisi akalutho ngaphandle kokuthi “Ghar Ki chor” futhi njengoba besho ukuthi” Ghar Ki chor ko ngisho noNkulunkulu akakwazi ukubamba”