Ungabugcina Kanjani Ubudlelwano Bujabulisa Futhi Buthakasela Isikhathi Eside

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I-paradigm yesimanje yokuqomisana ithambekele kakhulu ekunamatheleni kwesikhashana. Sonke sithambekele kakhulu empendulweni yendiza kunempendulo yokulwa. Imiqondo efana nokuphola nje, izitendi zobusuku obubodwa, azikho izintambo ezinamathiselwe, njll. zizwakala zijabulisa futhi zijabulisa kodwa zinomthelela ekuzibophezeleni kwethu.

Sesifana kakhulu ne-adrenaline junkies. Lapho nje injabulo iqala ukuphela, siqala ukuthuthumela ngezimpawu zokuhoxa. Kuthiwani uma sicabanga ngendlela yokugcina ubudlelwano bujabulisa futhi buthakazelisa isikhathi eside esikhundleni sokububalekela?

Injabulo ebudlelwaneni ivela emizamweni futhi umzamo uvela othandweni. Akusona yini isizathu sokuthi nibekezelelane sonke lesi sikhathi? Uma ungomunye wabanenhlanhla othole umuntu okufanele umlwele kodwa ubonakale ulahlekelwe umlilo, nansi inkomba yokuthi ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bujabulisa.

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Okuqukethwe

Isinyathelo sokuqala kungaba ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuphumula kwalawo mandla ayisisekelo akuyona ngempela uphawu olubi. Uvame ukuhlukanisa imibhangqwana ' yesigaba somshado ' nalabo asebehlale kuso isikhathi eside. Imibhangqwana yesikhathi eside ibonakala ikhululekile, akunjalo? Sezidlulile izinsuku lapho beningenakukwazi ukususa izandla zenu komunye nomunye. Akukho ukugqoka ukuze nihlabe umxhwele, akukho zimvemvane, akukho uthingo, futhi akukho ukukhanya kwelanga.

Kulungile, akukubi kangako kodwa ngokuphambene nalokho, isibopho sabo sesikhule saba yinto evuthiwe kakhulu. Ngokusho kocwaningo olwenziwe eStony Brook University, eNew York ngo-2011, kungenzeka ukuthi umuntu athandane kakhulu ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eminingi yomshado. Kusikisela ukuthi uthando nenjabulo kungahlala kuyilapho ukwesaba kulahlekile. Ngakho-ke, impi ayikalahleki okwamanje. Usengakwazi ukubuyisa inhlansi.

Manje njengoba usufudumele futhi usubheka ubudlelwano bakho ngelinye ilanga, asingene ezintweni ezijabulisayo. Ukugcina lokhu kukhula kothando lwakho njengephedi yokwethula, ake sixoxe ngokuthi singavutha kanjani izinjini ukuze sithathe ubuhlobo bakho bubufake endaweni yonke yezothando.

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1. Ukuze uvuselele injabulo ebudlelwaneni, thola kabusha izilimi zothando zomunye nomunye

Izithandani eziningi azihluphi ngokuqonda ukuthi abathandana nabo bancamela kanjani ukukhombisa nokwamukela uthando – okubuye kubizwe ngolimi lwabo lothando. Uma ubudlelwano benu sebuqale ukuba muncu, ukungazi kwenu izilimi zothando kungaba yisizathu. Ukuxhumana okuqotho kuyisihluthulelo lapha. Uma nobabili nikuthatha ngokungathi sína lokhu, kuzodalula izinto ezimangazayo ngani nobabili. Lezi zambulo ngeke zigcine ngokukunikeza umbono omusha ngobudlelwano kodwa futhi zizokusiza ukuthi niqondane kangcono.

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2. Qala inkhulumomphendvulwano evulekile

Njengoba kushiwo ephuzwini elidlule, ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni kungavula iminyango eminingi yokuthi uthando lwenu lubuye. Uyazi ukuthi izinkinga eziningi ebudlelwaneni zibangelwa ukungaxhumani kahle. Ukuqala ingxoxo evulekile kuyindlela enhle yokuqeda lokhu. Lungisa isikhathi bese uchitha okungenani imizuzu eyi-15 nomlingani wakho nixoxa.

Gwema zonke iziphazamiso futhi uzibophezele kulezo zikhathi ezimbalwa ndawonye. Ungamangala ukuthi kubonakala kunzima kangakanani ekuqaleni. Kuyoba njengokuzindla kodwa esikhundleni sokuba sekhanda lakho, uzoba nomlingani wakho ekukhulumisaneni. Kubalulekile ukuthi nobabili nishintshane ngenkathi nikhuluma. Qaphela, lokhu ngeke kube lula njengoba kuzwakala. Noma kunjalo, lena impendulo ephelele yokuthi ungabugcina kanjani ubuhlobo bujabulisa lapho behlala ndawonye noma nihlukene.

3. Tholani izinto eningazenza ndawonye

Esinye sezizathu esenza ubudlelwano bulahlekelwe ingqikithi yabo ukungabi nesikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, sivame ukuthathana kalula futhi siyeke ukunikeza ubuhlobo isikhathi sabo esifanelekile. Sivame ukukhohlwa iqiniso lokuthi ubudlelwano budinga umzamo owengeziwe mayelana nesondlo kunalokho obekudingeka ekuqaleni.

Siphakamisa ukuthi nibuyele ekwenzeni izinto enanithanda ukuzenza ndawonye. NjengoShelley noDennis bavuselele umshado wabo ngokukhetha ukudlala ithenisi njengento yokuzilibazisa yansuku zonke esiqeshini sesine sochungechunge oluhle, Uthando Lwesimanje. Isiqephu sinesihloko esifanele 'Ukugijima ukuze ugcine igeyimu iphila' njengoba beqala uhambo oluya phezulu lokuzithola futhi ngokwenza izinto ezincane ndawonye.

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4. Yiba nobuhlobo obuseduze ngokomzimba

Njengoba ubudlelwano bukhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, imibhangqwana ivame ukunganaki izenzo ezincane zokusondelana ngokomzimba. Ukubambana ngezandla, ukwangana okude nokufudumele, ukwanga ebunzini, kanye nokugonana - akusabonakali kubalulekile. Kodwa kunjalo. Iqoqo elisha lezifundo ezishicilelwe ephephabhukwini i-Physiology & Behavior lisikisela ukuthi ukuthintana okungeyona eyocansi kudlala indima ebalulekile ekunciphiseni ukucindezeleka kanye nokuphumula.

Ungase uzibuze ukuthi ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bebanga elide bujabulisa uma ukusondelana ngokomzimba kubaluleke kakhulu. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba akukhona nje ukuthintana kwangempela kodwa nokuzwa ubukhona bomlingani wakho. Amakholi wevidiyo avamile kanye nemihlangano eyenzeka ngezikhathi ezithile ingenza ubuqili uma bobabili ozakwethu betshalwe ngokulinganayo.

5. Thathani uhambo ndawonye

Ayikho into ekhulula imiphefumulo njengohambo. Njengoba nje sinezilimi zothando ezihlukene, sonke sinezilimi zokuvakasha ezihlukene futhi. Siyaqiniseka ukuthi kufanele ukuthi uhlele uhambo oluningi nozakwenu. Kodwa ngemva kohambo, ingabe uzizwa ukhululekile? Ingabe uyahamba ngisho ohambweni, noma uvele uhlele futhi uhlehlise?

Nali icebiso lethu lokuthi ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bujabulisa. Udinga ukuqonda ukuthi umlingani wakho ukhetha kanjani ukuhamba bese uqondanisa nezintandokazi zakho. Noma ningashintshana futhi nihambe ngesitayela ngasinye osithandayo ngenye indlela. Umqondo uwukuzizwa ukhululekile futhi wanelisekile lapho niphuma nihlola umhlaba ndawonye.

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6. Dala futhi

Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuvuselela inhlansi elahlekile ukuvuselela izikhathi ezinhle kakhulu. Yini engahlula umuzwa waleso sigaba se-honeymoon? Siyaqonda ukuthi izimvemvane ezisesiswini sakho ngeke zibhayize njengoba zazivame ukwenza, kodwa yilona phuzu lonke.

Ake sithi, uqala ngokuphinda uphile usuku lwakho lokuqala . Ugqoka kahle futhi wenze konke njengoba wawukwenza ngaleso sikhathi. Indawo efanayo, ngesikhathi esifanayo, ngisho nezingubo ezifanayo. Cabanga ukuthi kungaba mnandi kangakanani ukuhamba ndawonye ngendlela yokukhumbula izinto ezidlule. Khumbuzanani ukuthi konke kwaqala kuphi nokuthi yini eyanenza nathandana nalo muntu. Futhi yenzani usuku lube yingxenye evamile yempilo yenu ndawonye.

Ngokusho kocwaningo olukuyi- Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , ukuya ezinsukwini ezijabulisayo kukhuthaza ukusondelana kanye nokukhula kobudlelwano obukhona. Njengoba isayensi iseduze nawe, vele uyeke!

7. Ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bujabulisa ngombhalo? Sebenzisa amandla wamagama, ngokwezwi nezwi

Uyakhumbula ukuthi isaziso sombhalo esivela kulowo muntu okhethekile sasetshenziswa kanjani ukwenza inhliziyo yakho imamatheke? Noma ufunda incwadi noma ikhadi leposi labafundi besikole esidala. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, imibhalo emnandi, ehehayo, neshizi yaphenduka yaba izinhlu zegrosa kanye nemigqa eyodwa esemthethweni. Uyazibuza ukuthi ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bujabulisa ngombhalo futhi?

Masibuyise lowomlingo. Amagama awuthuli lwe-pixie, wasebenzise! Umbhalo olula oya kumlingani wakho othi "Hey, bengishayela ngiya emsebenzini futhi ingoma yethu yavela yangikhumbuza ngawe. Ngiyakuthanda!" izolungisa ezinye zezinkinga zakho. Leso iseluleko esiqinile sendlela yokugcina ubuhlobo buthakazelisa entombazaneni noma kumfana.

8. Buyelani nimangalane

Uyazi ukuthi kungani izimanga ezinhle zifika kithi sonke? Kungenxa yokuthi bamele uthando nokunakekelwa. Lapho sithola ishawa esingalindelekile salezi zinto ezinhle, inhliziyo yethu izwa sengathi ingeyakho. Ngezinye izikhathi, sivame ukubukela phansi lezi zenzo njengoba isikhathi sihamba.

Ake sikunikeze isibonelo. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungagcina kanjani ubuhlobo buthakazelisa kumfana, nansi indlela ukumangala okulula kungenza ngayo usuku lwakhe. Ake sithi ufika endaweni yakhe yokusebenza, umlethele ikhofi alikhonzile ngesikhathi ajwayele ukuthatha ngaso ikhefu lekhofi. Cabanga ukuthi angajabula kanjani uma umsusa ekuphileni kwakhe okumatasatasa, ngisho noma kuyimizuzu embalwa nje.

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9. Phuma ezindaweni zakho zokunethezeka

Manje, lokhu kuyinkimbinkimbi. Kodwa njengoba zonke izilinganiso zobungozi nemivuzo zihamba, lokhu kungase kubonakale kunamandla okuvuselela uthando lwakho. UMike, ongumenzeli wosaziwayo wesikhathi eside e-LA, usanda kungena emnyango kazakwabo uDonna ngomunye uMgqibelo wamthatha wahamba naye ohambweni oluya eVasgas. Uthi, "Sasihlala sihlela ukuhamba ngokuzenzakalelayo kodwa asizange siphumelele ngenxa yezinhlelo zethu ezimatasa kwaze kwaba yilapho ngiba nobuthuntu obanele. Kwakuyisikhathi esingcono kakhulu esasichithe ndawonye eminyakeni edlule. Sithole ukuthi singabugcina kanjani ubuhlobo buthakazelisa - ngokuphuma endaweni yethu yokunethezeka."

Ngakho hlela izinto ongajwayele ukuzenza. Kungaba yinto eyenziwa uphathina wakho kodwa awukaze umphelezele, njengokugijima ekuseni. Noma kungaba yinto noyedwa wenu ocabange ukuthi ungayenza, njengokubhalisa ku-workshop ye-salsa.

10. Batshele ukuthi baqondeni kuwe

Uma senithandane isikhathi eside, ucabanga ukuthi ophathina bakho bayazi ukuthi uyabathanda. Asisiboni isidingo sokubakhumbuza indlela abathandwa ngayo. Ubungathi, “Akubonakali yini, ukuthi sesineminyaka engu-10 sindawonye.” Kodwa nansi isizathu sokushabalala komlilo.

Ungawugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bujabulisa? Ukuqinisa okuhle kuyisihluthulelo. Njengoba nje imizimba yethu idinga ukudla okunomsoco njalo ukuze isebenze kahle, nobudlelwano bethu budinga ukuqinisa njalo. Awukwazi ukusho ukuthi awudingi ukudla namuhla ngoba ubukudle ngesonto eledlule, akunjalo? Uma uthanda umuntu, mtshele ! Tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi babaluleke kangakanani kuwe, yini ekwenza umthande ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eminingi kangaka.

11. Ungabenza kanjani ubudlelwano bakho bujabulise futhi? Ucansi it up

Ukukhangwa ngokomzimba kuyisici esiyinhloko ebuhlotsheni obuningi. Ukulahlekelwa kancane kancane ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungenye yezimpawu zokuqala zokuthi ubudlelwano bakho budinga ukulungiswa. Lokhu kuvame kakhulu ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Imibhangqwana ivame ukunamathela emikhubeni eyake yavivinywa futhi ekugcineni, ngisho nocansi luba yisidina.

Ucansi kancane bakwethu. Kufanele ikulethele injabulo, isasasa, nokwaneliseka. Zama izinto ezintsha. Kunezinto eziningi ongayenza ukuze u-spice izinto ekamelweni. Ngakho-ke, yeqa i-vanilla bese uzama ushokoledi, i-cookie n cream, noma amantongomane aseMelika.

12. Ningabangane abakhulu?

Singabantu bethu abakhululeke kakhulu nabangane bethu abaseduze. Umlingani ofanelekile wothando ungumngane omkhulu esixhuma naye ezingeni lomzimba, lemizwa, nelobuhlakani. Cabanga nje, akukona yini ukuthi wakhetha ukuba sebudlelwaneni nomlingani wakho kwasekuqaleni?

Manje zibuze, ingabe nisazizwa sengathi nina nobabili ningabangane abakhulu? Uma kukhona ngisho nokungabaza okuncane, udinga ukukulungisa lokho ngokushesha. Ubungeke uthande ukuchitha impilo yakho ngaphandle kwamahlaya angaphakathi, ukwamukelwa okuphelele, kanye nobumnandi obuphelele bobungani, akunjalo? Ubudlelwano obuyisicefe busengasindiswa uma enye ingxenye yakho ingumngane wakho omkhulu.

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13. Xolela umlingani wakho

Asisho ukuthi umlingani wakho unephutha ngobuthuntu bobudlelwano benu. Esikushoyo ukuthi sivame ukungcwaba izinto ezincane ukuze sigweme izingxabano ezingenasidingo. Uma eshiywe enganakiwe, la matshe amancane anqwabelana abe idwala elikhulu elisongela ukuqeda ubuhlobo. Siqala ngokungazi ukuziqhelelanisa nozakwethu.

Ngakho-ke siphakamisa ukuthi ukuthole enhliziyweni yakho futhi uthethelele omunye wakho obalulekile. Ungazama nokuthatha usizo lochwepheshe. Kubalulekile ukuthi ubone imifantu. Njengoba uzinakekela futhi uzikhipha, uzokwazi ukwakha indawo lapho uthando lwakho ngomlingani wakho lungakhula ngokukhululekile.

14. Chithani isikhathi nihlukene

Ngezinye izikhathi, uma kungekho okunye okusebenza kahle, kungcono sime kancane bese sinciphisa ijubane. Sididekile? Esikushoyo ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi sizama kanzima, kodwa isimo asibonakali sithuthuka noma siba sibi kakhulu. Kulesi sigaba, kungcono ukuthatha ikhefu ekuzameni bese uthatha isinyathelo sokubuyela emuva. Yilapho amandla okuhlukana eqala khona ukusebenza. Ukuzinika isikhathi sokuhlukana ebudlelwaneni kungenza izimanga ngezinye izikhathi.

Isikhathi enisichitha nihlukene sizokusiza ukuthi uhlole isimo sakho samanje, ubone umlingani wakho nobudlelwano ngendlela entsha, ucabange ngamasu owafakile, futhi uqhamuke nendlela engcono yokwenza izinto zibe ngcono. Lena impendulo enzima kakhulu yokuthi ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bujabulisa.

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

Njengoba ubuhlobo bukhula, kuvamile ukushaya isigaba sokunganyakazi
Kubalulekile ukuthi bobabili abalingani bazimisele ukuvuselela isasasa
Ayikho enye indlela yokuba nokuxhumana okuvulekile nokwethembeka
Ukuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye ngokuyisisekelo kuyisixazululo esisodwa kuzo zonke izinkinga zobudlelwano
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuvuselela inhlansi ukubuyela emuva futhi uthole izinto ezikwenze kwaba okukhethekile kini nobabili bese nizama ukwakha icebo kusukela lapho.

Ukugcina ubudlelwano bunempilo futhi buqhakaza kuwumzamo oqhubekayo. Njengoba nje sonke siguquka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kanjalo nobudlelwano bethu buyakhula. Okubalulekile ukuthi uma abalingani abathintekayo betshalwe imali ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, nangokwengqondo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisiphi isigaba sokuziphendukela kwemvelo ubuhlobo bakho obhekene nabo, uyohlala uphumelela.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1.Ubugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bungabi yisicefe?

Into yokuqala ongathanda ukuyenza uma uzama ukulungisa ubudlelwano bakho ukushintsha isimo sakho sengqondo. Kufanele ubheke isikhathi samanje njengesisekelo sokukhula kobudlelwano. Uma usuwamukele leli qiniso, ungazama izinto ezinjengokuqala ingxoxo evulekile, ukumangala, noma imidlalo yokulala. Sibale izindlela eziyi-14 ongavuselela ngazo inhlansi ebudlelwaneni bakho kulesi sihloko.

2. Uyigcina kanjani inhlansi ebudlelwaneni?

Uma siqala ubudlelwano, kuba nesasasa elikhulu ngoba kuningi esifuna ukukuphenya. Ngakho, kungani siyeka ukuzwa injabulo efanayo ngemva kwesikhathi esithile? Kungenxa yokuthi siye sazithela ngabandayo futhi siyekile ukuhlola futhi ngenxa yalokho, sayeka ukukhula. Ngakho-ke ukuze sibuyise inhlansi, sidinga ukuqhubeka sizihlola thina, ubudlelwano bethu, kanye nempilo yethu.

3. Ingabe kujwayelekile ukulahlekelwa injabulo ebudlelwaneni?

Uma ubudlelwano bufika esigabeni sokunganyakazi, kuvamile ukuzwa ukulahlekelwa injabulo. Ubudlelwano obuningi obusinda kulesi sivivinyo sesikhathi, bugcina buqina futhi bujabulisa kakhulu. Njengemizimba yethu, ubudlelwano bethu budinga ukondliwa njalo. Ngisho noma ubudlelwano bushaye udonga, uma bobabili abalingani betshalwe imali ukuze busebenze, bangathola izindlela zokuvuselela isasasa. Zingu-14 izindlela ezinjalo ezibalwe kulesi sihloko.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.