Lapho Izingane Ziphuma, Umshado Wazo Waqala Kabusha

Ukushintshashintsha kwabantu ababili kusuka ezithandweni kuya kubalingani bokuphila, bese kuba kubazali, kuyinqubo eyenzeka kancane kancane eshintsha ngamunye wabo ngezindlela ezingenakuhlehliswa. Ngokuhambisana nezinguquko umuntu ngamunye abhekana nazo, ubudlelwano babo buyashintsha. Izinsuku zothando zithathelwa indawo izinguquko zamanabukeni, imihlangano ye-PTA, ukubhekana namahomoni entsha adlayo, bese kuthi lapho izingane zindiza esidlekeni, umbhangqwana uzithola ‘senomunye’ hhayi nje ‘ndawonye’.

I-College Romance

“Kwakuwuthando lwasekolishi. Sasijabule ngokuba ndawonye futhi saba nobudlelwano obuhle,” kusho uNandita , oseshade noJatinder Singh Paul iminyaka engu-32. Kwakungekho ukumelana okukhulu okuvela kunoma yiliphi iqembu labazali, futhi ngemva kweminyaka eyisishiyagalombili bethandana, bobabili bashada ngo-1984.

Izinselelo Eminyakeni Yokuqala

Ekhumbula iminyaka yokuqala, uNandita ukhuluma ngokungagwegwesi ngesikhathi lapho ecindezeleke kakhulu ngemva kokubeletha ngemva kokuzalwa kwendodana yabo yokuqala ngo-1985. “Ngokungazelelwe, ngangingazethembi ngami futhi ngidinga isikhwama sokubhoboza, futhi kwaba nguye.” Wama ngakuye, “eqinile,” futhi ekugcineni, ukuphila kwabo kwaphinde kwaba nomuzwa wokujwayelekile. Ngokushesha, kwafika indodana yabo yesibili.

Ukuphakama Nezinsizi Zomshado

Eminyakeni engaphezu kwengu-32, umshado kaNandita noJatinder walandela umkhondo owabangela ukwehla okuningi kanye nokwenyuka. Kuwo wonke umsebenzi wakhe, uJatinder wayelokhu ezama ukuthola indawo yakhe futhi wabhekana nezingqinamba ezahlukahlukene. Ngo-1993, umndeni wathuthela eDubai, kwathi ngo-1996, uJatinder wangena enkingeni yezezimali (engabangelwanga nguye), okwakungaholela ekuboshweni kwakhe. “Kwakuyisikhathi esinzima kithi ngoba imithetho yezwe iqinile kakhulu,” kusho uNandita.

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Impilo eDubai

Kusukela ngaleso sikhathi kuqhubeke ukuphila kwaba mnandi. UNandita waqala ukusebenza futhi wachuma ngokomsebenzi, kuyilapho uJatinder ezama ukwenza ibhizinisi aliqala nabanye abangani ukuze libe yimpumelelo. Ngalesi sikhathi, abafana nabo base bekhula, futhi omdala wathuthela eNdiya eyophishekela imfundo ephakeme ngo-2003. Omncane walandela ngemva kweminyaka embalwa.

I-Empty Nest Syndrome

Bekungokokuqala uNandita noJatinder bebodwa, kodwa akuzange kubasondeze. “Nakuba sasingcono ngokwezimali, sasingenaso isikhathi somunye,” kusho uNandita. Uyavuma ukuthi izinkinga ababebhekane nazo phakathi kuka-1996 no-2002 zaba nengxenye kulokhu kungezwani: “Sasibhekana nezihogo zethu zangasese.”

Isiqalo Esisha ePune

Namuhla, uNandita noJatinder bahlala ePune, idolobha abakha ikhaya labo ngo-2011 lapho besuka e-Dubai ngemva kwenye isiphithiphithi sezimali. Izingane zabo nazo zazisePune. Ngo-2013, bobabili abafana base behambile, bejaha imisebenzi namaphupho abo, futhi umuzi wabo wawungenalutho futhi.

Ukutholana Kabusha

Kodwa kulokhu, izinto zihlukile. Bobabili basebenza imisebenzi ebagcina benelisekile. Ngenxa yoshintsho olwenzeka cishe kanye kanye empilweni yabo (ukusuka eDubai kuya eNdiya nokuhamba kwabafana), uNandita uthi, “Sibuyisele ubudlelwano bethu endleleni.”

Ukujabulela Inkampani Yomunye nomunye

Bathola induduzo lapho bendawonye; bajabulela imuvi ngezimpelaviki, baya efasiteleni, bavakashele izindawo zokudlela, noma bahambe ohambweni lwangezimpelaviki. “Siyabelana futhi siyaxoxa, lokho esasingakwenzi eminyakeni eyishumi edlule. "Akukho ukunethezeka, futhi sesiqala ukwazana kangcono."

Izifundo Zesikhathi Esidlule

Ngokuqondene nezikhathi zezinxushunxushu ekuphileni kwabo ezacishe zahlukanisa phakathi kwabo (kuhlanganise nesiphithiphithi esabenza babuyela eNdiya), uthi, “Ngiyamncoma ngokungayeki lapho kunzima.”

Ukuthola Ukugcwaliseka Emsebenzini

Umsebenzi uyindlela yabo bobabili, uyavuma, ngakho-ke, abaphuthelwa abafana kakhulu. “Umuzwa ‘wendlu egcwele’ awukho, kodwa asinaso isizungu.Ubuze buhlala bukhona, kodwa ngendlela eyakhayo,” kugcizelela yena.

Lapho amadodana abo efika ekhaya, “Kumelwe siwafake esimisweni sethu,” uyahleka.

Ukwamukela Ikusasa Ndawonye

Imishado iphumela ‘ekufuyweni’ kwabo bobabili abalingani, ikakhulukazi ngemva kokufika kwezingane, okushiya imibhangqwana ingenasikhala sezinkumbulo zobusha bayo nothando olwabahlanganisa. Kodwa uma ubudlelwano bakhelwe phezu kwesisekelo esiqinile esifana nesikaPauls, ukuqunga isibindi esivunguvungwini kuba yingxenye yenqwaba yezenzakalo zokuphila, okulula ukwabelana ngazo nokuzindla ngakho. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, kuyakhuthaza ukwazi ukuthi ulwandle oluzolile luyalinda ngaphesheya.

• Ngaphandle kwezidingo zokukhulisa izingane, imibhangqwana inesikhathi esiningi sokugxila ebudlelwaneni babo nezidingo zomuntu ngamunye.
• Isigaba se-nest esingenalutho sinikeza ithuba lokuvuselela intshiseko nokusondelana ngokusebenzisa ulwazi olwabiwe.
• Imibhangqwana eminingi isebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuze yenze izinto ezintsha, ihambe, noma ihlole izithakazelo ebizibeke eceleni ngaphambilini.
• Yisikhathi sokucabanga ngamaphupho okwabelwana ngawo futhi sichaze kabusha imigomo yesigaba esilandelayo sempilo.
• Ukushintsha kusuka ezindimeni ezigxile kubazali kuya ezintweni ezigxile ozakwethu kungaba inselele kodwa kuvuze ngomzamo.
• Izingxoxo ezivulekile mayelana namathemba, ukwesaba, kanye nalokho okulindelekile kungasiza imibhangqwana ukuba isondelane phakathi nalesi sigaba.

Imicabango Final

Lapho izingane ziphuma ekhaya, kuphawula ukuqala kwesigaba esisha empilweni yombhangqwana—isikhathi sokutholana kabusha nokuvuselela uthando okungenzeka ukuthi luthathe isihlalo sangemuva semithwalo yemfanelo yobuzali. Lolu shintsho, oluvame ukubizwa ngokuthi isigaba “sesidleke esingenalutho”, lunikeza ithuba lokuhlola izintshisekelo ezihlanganyelwe, ukujulisa ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, nokucabanga kabusha ngomshado. Ngomzamo wokubambisana kanye nokukhulumisana okuvulekile, imibhangqwana ingaguqula lesi sigaba sibe isahluko esisha nesigculisayo sobudlelwano bayo. Abelaphi bethu balapha ukuzokusiza ukuthi uthole kabusha injabulo, ukusondelana, kanye nenhloso ehlanganyelwe emshadweni wakho. Thatha isinyathelo sokuqala sokuthola ubudlelwano obuvuselelwe—hlela iseshini nathi namuhla!

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Ukuvuselela uthando emshadweni weminyaka engu-31

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