Lapho abalingani ababili bebopha ifindo likasofasilahlane, isifungo “sokugula nempilo” sishintshwa ngaphandle kokungabaza umzuzwana. Uma nithatha uhambo oluhle lomshado futhi nakha ikhaya ndawonye, akekho olindele ukuthi impilo yakhe igcwale izinkinga nobunzima obuzayo. Balindele ukuba ukuphila kwabo komshado kube okujabulisayo njengosuku lwabo lomshado.
Ngeshwa, awukho nowodwa umphefumulo umshado wawo ongabonanga ukuhle nokubi. Futhi lezo ziqala ukubonakala kakhulu, ngokushesha ngemva kosuku lomshado. Abaningi babhekana nobunzima obungenza ngisho nabangcono kakhulu bethu baqalekise inhlanhla yethu, balahlekelwe yithemba othandweni noma emshadweni. Umshado awuyona nje indlela egandaywe kahle. Kodwa ungakwazi yini ukubekezelela bonke ubunzima kanye nezimagqabhagqabha ezimbi eliza nalo?
Lapho umngane wami, uVee, enakekela umyeni wakhe owayenesifo esingamahlalakhona, wayehlale enamazwi athi “ekuguleni nasekuphileni” engqondweni yakhe, futhi wanamathela kuwo. Funda ukuze uthole ukuthi uVee wakwazi kanjani ukunamathela ezifungweni zomshado futhi akazange ashiye ohlangothini lomyeni wakhe.
Ekuguleni NaseMpilweni: Indlela Umngane Wami Ahlala Ngayo Ethembekile Ezifungweni Zakhe
Okuqukethwe
Cishe mina noVee sasingomncane kunabo bonke eqenjini lethu. Sajoyina i-NGO, sisebenzela izingane ezikhubazekile ngokushesha ngemva kokuposa komyeni wami ndawana thize. Ngangikhangwe uVee kwasekuqaleni. Ubehlale enemfudumalo futhi elusizo futhi eveza umoya wobumnene engangiwuthanda.
Wangethula kozakwabo abathathu ayesondelene nabo, futhi thina sobahlanu saba abangane abakhulu. Ngesikhathi sokudla kwasemini ndawonye nsuku zonke, sasixoxa ngezindaba zomuntu siqu, sabelane ngenjabulo yethu kanye nosizi lwethu, futhi sixoxa ngezinkinga zethu zobudlelwano ezivamile.
Ukuhlangana kwami kokuqala nomyeni kaVee kwaba phakathi nengqungquthela eyayihlelwe esikhungweni sethu. Kamuva ngathola ukuthi wayelingana nami, okwangimangaza ngoba wayebukeka emdala ngeminyaka. Wahamba kancane washo wagoba, wahamba encike kakhulu endukwini.
“Ekuguleni nasempilweni akusona nje isifungo—kuyisithembiso sokuhamba ndawonye ekuphileni, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani.”
Njengoba ayazi ukuthi ngiwumngane kaVee we-carpool futhi ngihlala eduze nendlu yabo, wangimema ukuba ngihambe nomyeni wami ukuze siphuze. Umyeni wami ungomunye waleyo miphefumulo enobungane ethanda ukuzijabulisa nokuhlangana nabantu, ngakho besingeke sithi cha. Ngenhlanhla, la madoda amabili abezwana kahle futhi saqala ukungena kanye ngesikhathi ukuze sibabone.
Umyeni kaVee ubeyijabulele le nkampani kodwa inkundla yezokuxhumana ibinciphile eminyakeni embalwa edlule, nokwaholela ekutheni uVee achithe isikhathi esiningi ekhaya yize ebethanda ukuphuma.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Abhekana Ngayo Nokugula Kwengqondo Komlingani Wakhe
Lapho izinkinga zabo zaqala khona
UVee wake wangitshela ukuthi eminyakeni edlule, babethandane isikhashana ngaphambi komshado ngemva komhlangano wabo wokuqala owawuhlelwe izihlobo. Nokho, ukuthi wayenenkinga yofuzo eqhubekayo kwaba yinto angazange ayikhulume kuye ngaphambi kokubopha ifindo likasofasilahlane.
Lapho ngizwa lokhu, ngahlanganisa kabili futhi ngaqonda ukuthi kungani ayenobuthakathaka obukhulu. Kusukela lapho ngibone impi kaVee yokugcina isifungo somshado “ekuguleni nasempilweni”. Izimpawu zokuqala zenkinga zavela ekhanda labo cishe unyaka nje beshadile. Njengoba izinhlungu zanda ngamandla, uVee washaqeka lapho ethola ukuthi umyeni wakhe une- ankylosing spondylitis.
Ethanda ukugijima emindenini, kwakuyisifo asithola kuyise. Nakuba abantu abaningi abanalesi sifo beqhubeka bephila ukuphila okuvamile nokuphumelelayo, wayengeyena omunye wabo. Njengoba isimo sakhe somzimba sasiwohloka kancane kancane, waphoqeleka ukuba ayeke ukusebenza futhi ahlale ekhaya. Ngenxa yokungaholi okuvamile, imali yaba inkinga.
Ukuthembeka esifungweni 'sokugula nempilo'
Ephatheke kabi ekuqaleni, wasamukela kancane isimo. Ingozi ebingalindelekile nayo ibingamkhubaza yindlela abeyilinganisela ngayo. Angikhumbuli nakanye esola isiphetho sakhe noma ezidabukela. Njengesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esiqeqeshiwe, waqala ukusebenza enhlanganweni esasihlangane kuyo.
Umyeni wakhe wayenamakhono amahle kakhulu olimi futhi umkakhe wamkhuthaza ukuba ahlanganyele emsebenzini wokuzimela — ukubhala okuqukethwe, ukuhlela — into ayekwazi ukuyenza kalula. Kodwa ngokuzumayo ngolunye usuku, wayeka ngaphandle kwesizathu esizwakalayo. Wayesenenkinga yokubhekana nokucindezeleka , njengoba ukungabi nandaba kwaqala, kwaba nzima nakakhulu ukubhekana nakho.
Naphezu kokujabula lapho uVee eba uthishanhloko esikhungweni sethu, akazange enze mzamo wokumkhulula kunoma yimuphi umsebenzi wasekhaya. Waze wenqaba ngisho nokwenza imisebenzi eyayidinga ukugadwa kancane - into ayengayiphatha kalula. Ngakho-ke, naphezu kwesimiso sakhe sokubulala emsebenzini kanye nemfundo yangasese ekhaya ukuze angezelele emalini engenayo, kwadingeka athathe izintambo ngokugcwele zokuphatha indlu.
Indodakazi ababebusiswe ngayo yayisikhule yaba yintsha eqotho kodwa uVee wathola umyeni wakhe eshintshashintsha waba ingane enenkani. Ebhekana nentukuthelo yakhe ecasukile, wayeshoshozela futhi elokhu ecasuka. Yize elulekwe ukuthi ayohlinzwa inqulu, wala waphika iminyaka.
Ekugcineni wavuma ngemva kokuba isimo sakhe sesibi kakhulu. Mhlawumbe wayishiya kwaze kwashaya isikhathi sokuloba, njengoba kwenzeka izinkinga futhi nokwelulama ababekuthembile akuzange kwenzeke. Njengoba uVee wayebelesele kakhulu ngokuthi aqhubeke nalokhu kuhlinzwa, wamsola ngokuphelele ngokwehluleka kwako.
Ukuhlala ndawonye kuze kube sekupheleni
Kwakubonakala sengathi uVee wayenakekela yonke into, ngaphandle kokudinga usuku yedwa. Ngangihlale ngimesaba, ngimbuka egcina isifungo ‘sokugula nempilo’ abantu abavame ukusenza kodwa bangasifezi ngempela. Phakathi kwemithwalo yemfanelo ephakeme emsebenzini wakhe kanye nezifundo ayezifundisa ekhaya, ngandlela-thile wakwazi nokunakekela umyeni wakhe, okwaba nzima ukubhekana naye.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Zobudlelwano Obuhlukumezayo: Ngomzwelo, Ngamazwi, Nangokwengqondo
Njengoba ayeqala ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi izinto azinakwenzeka futhi eba nolaka, waphikelela ekwenzeni konke ayelulekwa ukuba akwenze. Njengoba ayenobugovu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni , waba madolonzima ukumvumela ukuba aphile impilo yakhe. Kwakungavamile ukuba uVee ahambe ngenxa nje yokuzijabulisa. Kodwa esikhathini lapho izehlukaniso zenzeka ngezizathu ezingatheni, le ndlela ayizange ivele kuVee.
Angikhumbuli ngimuzwa ekhononda noma ekhala ngekusasa lakhe. “Ebuhleni nasebubini, ekuguleni noma empilweni, ukuthanda nokwazisa size sihlukaniswe ukufa,” kwenziwa izifungo eziphathelene nalokhu lapho abantu ababili beshada. Lezi izithembiso akuwona wonke umuntu ongazihlonipha uma kugadla amashwa.
Uthando nokuzinikela kuba lula uma izikhathi zizinhle. Kodwa ukubhekana nesifo esingamahlalakhona somlingani kudinga ukubekezela nokunakekela okukhulu. Ngokubekezelelana okukhulu nokuzinikela. Ababaningi bethu ababusiswe ngalelo khono. Umyeni kaVee wayeselele cishe iminyaka emihlanu. Izinyanga ezimbalwa zokugcina zazibuhlungu kakhulu ngaphambi kokuba kufike ukuphela njengokukhululwa ngesihe ebuhlungwini nasekuhluphekeni. Wayesanda kweva eminyakeni engu-50. UVee wayeseduze kwakhe ngesikhathi eshona. UVee uyena owangifundisa incazelo yamagama athi, “Ekuguleni nasekuphileni.”
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
“Ekuguleni nasekuphileni” ngokuyisisekelo iyingcaphuno noma isithembiso umakoti nomkhwenyana abasenza komunye nomunye. Kusho ukuthi bazoba khona bodwa kuzo zonke izinselele nenjabulo yempilo. Bayoba khona omunye nomunye ngaso sonke isikhathi, kungakhathaliseki izimo.
Ngokwesintu umkhwenyana uhamba phambili bese elandelwa umakoti.
Imicabango Final
Umshado awukona nje ukwabelana ngenjabulo—umayelana nokuma ndawonye ebuhlungwini, ekungaqiniseki, nasekuzabalazeni. Uthando alusho ukuthi niphile impilo elula—lusho ukuthi ninomlingani ohlala eceleni kwenu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Abelaphi bethu bangakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nezinkinga zemizwa nezobudlelwano ngamandla nozwela.
Izimpawu Eziyisi-8 Umngane Wakho Ucindezelekile Nezindlela Eziyisi-6 Ongasiza Ngazo
Izimpawu Eziyisi-8 Umngane Wakho Ucindezelekile Nezindlela Eziyisi-6 Ongasiza Ngazo
Kuyini Ukukhathazeka Okusha Kobudlelwane? Izimpawu Eziyisi-8 Nezindlela Ezi-5 Zokubhekana Nakho
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Ethinta inhliziyo ngempela. Abafazi abanjalo kufanele batuswe futhi baboniswe ukubonga ngenkonzo yabo yokuzidela ngothando ezinsukwini zakudala.