Izindlela Eziyi-10 Zokwakha Ubudlelwano Bakho Ngemuva Kokuthembisana Umshado Nangaphambi Komshado

Uthembise umshado futhi sisekhona isikhathi somshado wakho? Uyazibuza ukuthi ungasondelana kanjani nomuntu ozoba umlingani wakho ngalesi sikhathi? Nokho, isikhathi ngemva kokuthembisana umshado nangaphambi komshado kungaba olukhohlisayo ngempela njengoba manje izinsuku zakho zokuqomisana seziphelile futhi uku manje amadolo-ekujuleni in the "ukuhlela umshado" isigaba.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umuzwa womlingo ofana nezimvemvane eziyizinkulungwane ezindiza esiswini sakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, wona kanye umcabango wokwenza lesi sinqumo esishintsha impilo ungase ukunikeze amajita. Ngisho noma ungakhathazeki ngengxenye “yokuba umngane womshado”, izinkathazo zokuthi uma kukhona okungahambi kahle ngaphambi noma phakathi nomshado kungase kukubeke ebunzimeni obuningi bokungalali.

Uma lokho kuwukukhathazeka kwakho okuyinhloko, sineziphakamiso ezinhle kakhulu zokuqinisekisa ukuthi uthando lwakho ngemva kokuthembisana aluthathi. Lesi sigaba singasetshenziswa ngokuphumelelayo ukuze wazi umlingani wakho wesikhathi esizayo futhi uthuthukise indawo yokunethezeka naye ngaphambi komshado. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi usunesikhathi esingakanani umazi umuntu ozoshada naye, umshado uwumdlalo webhola ohlukile ngokuphelele futhi isikhathi ngemva komshado nangaphambi komshado singakunikeza umbono ongcono wekusasa lenu ndawonye.

Izinto Okumele Uzenze Ngemva Kokuthembisana Umshado Nangaphambi Komshado

U-Lisa osanda kushada waseLong Island wabelana nathi ngalokho asanda kushada ngakho, “Isikhathi sangemva kokuthembisana umshado nangaphambi komshado sinikeza isisekelo esidingekayo namandla ebuhlotsheni bakho nomuntu ozoshada naye. Nakuba ngahlangana noMike ekolishi, ngiye ngabona ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukwenza isikhathi phakathi kokuthembisana nomshado sibalwe. Manje njengoba senimiselwe ukuba ndawonye ukuphila kwakho konke, uthola umlingani wakho ngenye indlela.”

ULisa usitshele ukuthi wayejabule kanjani ngomshado nangempilo yabo yomshado. Wayekhumbula yonke imizwa ayenayo lapho eqala ukuthandana noMike kodwa wayenokungabaza ngezindaba ezithile zezimali. Iparele lakhe lokuhlakanipha kubafundi bethu ukukhuluma ngaphambi komshado nangemva kokuthembisana okuthile nakho konke onakho engqondweni yakho ngekusasa lakho elizayo. Ngokusobala, uzobheka amathuba okubopha futhi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhlala njalo nomngane wakho womshado wakusasa. Zisebenzise kahle lezi zindlela eziyi-10 ezihlakaniphile nezisebenzayo zokuqinisa ubudlelwano bakho ngemuva komshado:

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1. Xoxa ngezinye izinto ngaphandle kosuku lwakho lomshado

Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho mayelana nosuku olukhulu olusondela ngokushesha. Impilo emva kokuthembisana imayelana nokwenza izinhlelo zomshado, ukunquma ukuthi yibaphi abathengisi abangaba ngcono kakhulu, ukuthi ukuhlela ukuhlala kufanele kwenziwe kanjani, yiliphi ibhande olifunayo, nokunye nokunye. Nakuba konke lokho kudingekile ngempela, kunenye indlela yokusebenzisa lesi sikhathi phakathi komshado nomshado ngendlela ephumelelayo.

Ningazikhathazi ngezinkulumo ezijwayelekile ezisanda kushada futhi wengeze ezihlukahlukene ezingxoxweni zenu. Kuthiwani ngokwakha uhlu lwezifiso zemibhangqwana yeminyaka emi-5 ozolufeza nowakwakho? Ungafaka imibono ye- indawo ye-honeymoon. Noma vele uzigcine zikhululekile njengoba kwakunjalo ngaphambi kokuthi uthembise umshado. Futhi, ukuxoxa ngezinto ngaphandle kosuku olukhulu kungasiza ekunciphiseni ingcindezi futhi kunivumele nobabili ukuba nichithe isikhathi esengeziwe sekhwalithi nobabili.

2. Khuluma ngezinhlelo zakho zesikhathi esizayo: ezesikhashana nezesikhathi eside

Wonke umuntu unamaphupho nemigomo abekade efuna ukuyifeza kudala ngaphambi kokuthi umlingani wakhe angene empilweni yakhe. Kuhlale kunconywa ukuba wabelane ngezinhloso zakho nozakwenu ukuze uqondanise izinhlelo zakho zesikhathi eside nezesikhathi esifushane zesikhathi esizayo. Lokhu kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi akekho kini okumele alahle amaphupho akho nokuthi ningakwazi ukusebenzisana ukuze nifinyelele lezi zinhloso nezifiso ngokuhlonipha izifiso nezifiso zomunye nomunye.

Umngane wami u-Alice wayehlala efuna ukuya eCambridge ukuze ayothola iziqu zobudokotela kuyilapho kusoka lakhe kwakubalulekile ukuthi ahlale eduze nabazali bakhe ngenxa yezinkinga zempilo. Lokhu kwaba yingxabano enkulu ebudlelwaneni babo futhi bagcina bewuhoxile umshado. Uyabona ukuthi imigomo engalungile ingaphenduka kanjani izinkinga zobudlelwano ngemva komshado ngaphambi komshado? Awufuni konke lokhu kube yimbangela yengxabano empilweni yakho yomshado. Ukubeka wonke amakhadi akho etafuleni kusukela ekuqaleni kuzokusiza nobabili ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

3. Yazanani kahle

Ngemva kokuthembisana umshado, kufanele ngempela wenze imizamo yokwazi kangcono umlingani wakho ngoba, ngaphandle kwakho, ngeke ube nethemba lokwakha isibopho esiqinile, esimeme. Usuzochitha impilo yakho yonke nalo muntu. Kungokwemvelo ukuthi uzame ukujwayelana nabo kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka ngaphambi komshado, ikakhulukazi uma bekuwukupholisana ngokuxhamazela. Uma kunjalo, singacabanga ukuthi beningajwayelene isikhathi eside.

Zama ukwazi izinto ezithandwa noma ezingathandwa yisoka lakho njengoba lokhu kuzokusiza ukuqonde kangcono. Thola ulwazi olwengeziwe mayelana nomlingani wakho, ubuntu bakhe, ubuhlobo bakhe nomndeni wakhe, imigomo yabo kanye nezifiso, njll. Ngaphandle kwalokho, owakwakho uzoba yinto ehamba phambili empilweni yakho ukuya phambili, kuyasiza uma wenza umzamo wokubaza leyo ndawo ekhethekile kubo kahle ngaphambi kokuhamba phansi bese uthi "Ngiyakwenza".

4. Thembekani komunye nomunye

Khumbula ukuthi imishado yakhelwe phezu kwesisekelo sokwethembeka nokwethembana. Futhi kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba uthembekile kuwena ukuze uqonde ubudlelwano bakho kangcono. Ezikhathini eziningi abantu bavuma ukushada ngokuzuma bengacabangi ngesinqumo sabo. Ngesikhathi beqaphela ukuthi umshado awusona isinyathelo esifanele sobudlelwane babo, sekwephuzile kakhulu ukuthatha isinyathelo emuva ngaphandle kokulimaza imizwa yabantu abaningi abahilelekile kule nqubo.

Themba, asifuni ukuthi ube omunye umakoti obaleke noma umuntu oshiya ogqoke ezimhlophe e-altare. Yingakho, singeke sikugcizelele ngokwanele ukubaluleka kokucabangisisa ngesinqumo sakho ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukuhlela umshado. Ingabe ushada ngenxa yothando noma zikhona ezinye izizathu ezithonya isinqumo sakho? Qiniseka ngokuphelele ngemizwa yakho mayelana nalo mshado ngaphambi kokuba uye phambili nezinhlelo zomshado.

Uma ukhathazwa yinoma yikuphi ukungabaza noma imicabango engathandeki, yabelana ngayo nesoka lakho ngemva kokuthembisana umshado ngenhliziyo nengqondo evulekile. Khuluma ngezinto ongakhululekile ngazo noma okubonakala zingenakwenzeka kuwe ukuze wakhe ukuqonda okuqinile.

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5. Zama ukukhuluma ngezezimali

UCarla, umsizi womhleli oneminyaka engu-26 ubudala waseNew Jersey, uthi, “Uma uzibuza ngezinto ozoxoxa ngazo ngaphambi komshado ngemva kokuthembisana umshado, bheka ezezimali njengesihloko okufanele kuxoxwe ngaso. enquma izinga lobuhlobo bakho Cabanga ngakho!

Kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngezindaba zezimali njengokuthi umlingani wakho ufuna ukuthatha umthwalo ophelele wezezimali emshadweni noma ufuna ukuthi nihlukaniselane ngomthwalo wezezimali ngokulinganayo. Khulumani ngalokhu kusengaphambili ukuze kwenziwe ilungiselelo elamukelekayo. Izindaba zezezimali zingadala izithiyo endleleni eya imishado ephumelelayo ngakho-ke ukuxoxa ngalezi zindaba kubaluleke kakhulu.

6. Zibophezele ebudlelwaneni bakho

Ngenkathi uchitha isikhathi phakathi kokuthembisana umshado nomshado, zama ukuthola umqondo wokuthi umlingani wakho uzibophezele kanjani emcabangweni wokuthi "kuze kusehlukanise ukufa". Phela, ukuzibophezela kuyisici esiyinhloko ekwenzeni umshado uphumelele. Ingabe bangamaphesenti ayikhulu kuwo? Ingabe bayakhuluma ngezinto eningase nizenze ndawonye ngemva kokuthatha umhlalaphansi? Bangakwazi yini ukukhuluma ngokuphila kwenu ndawonye ngaphandle kokungabaza noma izithiyo?

Lokhu kubalulekile ngoba umshado uyisinqumo esikhulu futhi awufuni ukuzisola kamuva. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, bonisa umlingani wakho ukuthi uyiqiniso kangakanani futhi uzinikele kangakanani kubo nakulobu budlelwano. Zama ukwabelana ngezibopho zomunye nomunye futhi ube khona ukuze bakhe indawo yokuthembela okunempilo emshadweni wakho. Ngemva kokuthembisana umshado, ngaphambi komshado, kufanele nihlole ukuzibophezela kwenu komunye nomunye ngendlela engokoqobo ngangokunokwenzeka.

7. Yazi amalungu omndeni wabo

Kungenzeka ukuthi ushada nendoda/owesifazane wamaphupho akho futhi uzibonele ngeso lengqondo impilo enesithombe esiphelele naye. Kodwa kulokhu, ungakushayi indiva into ebalulekile - ukuthi umndeni wabo uzoba umndeni wakho owengeziwe. Ukuze ube ne injabulo, umshado omude, kubalulekile ukugcina ubudlelwano obuhle nabo. Phela ziyingxenye ebalulekile yempilo yesoka lakho. Eqinisweni, nobabili kufanele nenze umzamo wokuzwana nemindeni yomunye nomunye.

Ngakho-ke, udinga ukwazi okuningi ngabo ukuze uhlangane nabo kalula ngemuva komshado futhi ukhululeke eduze kwabo. Zama ukwazi ukuthi hlobo luni lwesibopho noma ubudlelwano umlingani wakho ababelana namalungu omndeni wabo ukuze azuze izinhliziyo zabo. Mhlawumbe ungase uhlele ukudla kwakusihlwa okumbalwa endaweni yakho ukuze wazi umndeni womlingani wakho kangcono noma uhlele usuku lokuchitha imindeni yomibili.

8. Ungasebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuxoxa ngokuhlela umndeni

Cabangela lesi njengesinye sezihloko zezingxoxo ezisanda kuhlanganyela ezibaluleke kakhulu futhi akufanele ukweqe ngaphandle uma usuyifakile le mininingwane. Ithi, uzibona unikeza indima kamama webhola ngesikhathi esithile, futhi kuvele ukuthi umlingani wakho akayena umlandeli omkhulu wezingane. Noma mhlawumbe abazifuni izingane zemvelo futhi bafuna ukutholwa kodwa ufuna ukudlula wonke amamitha ayisishiyagalolunye okukhulelwa nokubeletha. Ufika kanjani endaweni ephakathi? Xoxa. Qiniseka ukuthi nobabili nisekhasini elilodwa ukuze nigweme noma yikuphi ukungqubuzana ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Impilo yangemva komshado ayikona nje kuphela ukudla kwakusihlwa okumnandi nokutatazela ngomshado. Ungazishayi indiva izinto ezingokoqobo ezingase zivele emshadweni. Impela, awukwazi ukubikezela ukuthi ikusasa lakho likuphatheleni, kodwa ungenza imizamo yokuqinisekisa ukuthi lowo ozoshada naye usekhasini elifanayo nelakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani.

9. Khuluma ngomlando wakho, uma kukhona

Izinkinga zobudlelwano ngemva kokuthembisana umshado ngaphambi komshado zivame ukuvela uma abalingani befihle ngamabomu noma bengahlosile okuthile mayelana nomshado wabo. okwedlule okungase kuthinte ubudlelwano bamanje. Noma yiluphi ulwazi lwempilo yakho yangaphambilini olungase lubeke engcupheni umshado kufanele lube setafuleni.

Ngemva kwekolishi, uMeredith waqala umkhuba wezidakamizwa. Kangangoba kwadingeka achithe iminyaka embalwa e-rehab futhi waze wakhonza nesikhathi somgunyathi. Nokho, wayenamandla okuzihudula azikhiphe kulowo mgodi onogwaja futhi ahlanzeke ngokuphelele. Wakwazi ukuzakhela impilo ehloniphekile futhi ekugcineni wahlangana noHarry. Banquma ukushada. Kodwa kwakungemva kokuthembisana umshado lapho uHarry ethola khona ngomlando wakhe futhi wazizwa ekhashelwe.

Ukugcina imfihlo enkulu kangaka kumyeni wakhe kwabiza uMeredith cishe umshado. Kungakho, lesi isikhathi esingcono kakhulu sokuxoxa ngokwedlule nobabili ukuze nisuse noma iyiphi into enimangazayo ngemva komshado futhi nizinike isiqalo esisha. Uma ukwabelana nozakwenu ngokudlule okuyihlazo kukwenza ungakhululeki, okungenani mnikeze isithombe esibanzi ngaphandle kokungena emininingwaneni yamaminithi.

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10. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, chithani isikhathi ndawonye

Yonke imizamo yenu yokwakha ubudlelwano benu ngemuva kokuthembisana umshado izochitheka uma nobabili ningasazisi isikhathi somunye. Qinisekisa ukuthi nobabili nichitha isikhathi esengeziwe sekhwalithi ndawonye ukuze niqhubeke nezindaba zothando ngemva komshado. Ungaphinde uvakashele izindawo obujwayele ukuya kuzo lapho niqala ukubonana noma ubhalisele izifundo zokulungiselela umshado. Okungcono nakakhulu, ungahlobisa kanjani indlu enizongena kuyo ndawonye?

Hlela izinsuku eziningi nomlingani wakho ozokuba naye noma ngabe kuyi-a usuku lwasekhaya lokho kuhlanganisa ukusabalala kwesidlo sakusihlwa sothando noma ukubuka amamuvi ndawonye. Ukuzinakekela kufanele kube yinto eza kuqala phakathi nalesi sikhathi ngemva kokuthembisana umshado nangaphambi komshado. Hamba ngezimpelasonto ze-spa yezithandani noma uzitotose nge-mani-pedi. Konke lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ujwayele umqondo wokuba nomuntu empilweni yakho futhi wenze impilo yakho emva komshado ibe bushelelezi futhi ikhululeke.

Lesi sikhathi esiphakathi kokuthembisana nomshado sibalulekile. Kufanele usisebenzise kahle lesi sikhathi ukuze ungagcini nje ngokukwazi kangcono omunye nomunye nomndeni womunye nomunye kodwa kufanele nenze izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo mayelana nezezimali, umsebenzi, nomndeni. Ungagcini nje ngokukhuluma ngezingubo ozozigqoka ngo-D-Day, ngena nasezihlokweni ezibalulekile. Lezi zingxoxo zizokwenza uzizwe uqiniseka ngokwengeziwe lapho ekugcineni wenze izifungo zakho futhi wazi ukuthi wenze ukukhetha okuhlakaniphile, nolwazi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.