Ungayithola Kanjani Leyo: Amathiphu ayi-13 Azanyiwe futhi Ahloliwe

Uyithola kanjani ngempela? Isifiso sokuba nalowo muntu oyedwa okhethekile ongabelana naye ngempilo yakho, lolo xhumo lomphefumulo, umuntu ongathululela kuye isifuba futhi ukhulume ngezinto ezingasho lutho zokuphila kwakho kwansuku zonke kubhebhezele ukuphishekela ezothando isikhathi eside umuntu angakhumbula. Ngakho-ke, akumangazi ukuthi nanamuhla nasosukwini lokuxhumana okusheshayo okwenziwa ngokuswayipha esikrinini, uzithola ufuna lolo xhumo olukhethekile ongaludala kuphela uma uthola lo ongeke ukwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwalo.

Eqinisweni, bekungeke kube ukufinyelela ukusho ukuthi ukukhathala kanye nesikhala ngokomzwelo okulethwa ukuphola yesimanje wenze isifiso sokuhlangana nomuntu okhethekile futhi ukwakha ukuxhumana okuhlala njalo nabo kunamandla kunakuqala. Kodwa yonke inqubo yokuphola evamile kanye ne-roller coaster yokuxhumana okusheshayo okuphuma ngokushesha kungashiya umuntu enokungabaza mayelana namathemba abo. Mhlawumbe, ingxenye yakho iyazibuza, “Ingabe ngiyoke ngiyithole leyo?”

Awu, ungakwazi futhi uzokwenza. Silapha ukuze sikusize kulolu hambo, olubandakanya ukuba yinguqulo yakho efanele lowo ofisa ukwabelana naye ngempilo yakho kanye nokubheka ezindaweni ezifanele futhi uvule inhliziyo nengqondo yakho ukuze ungaphuthelwa yizimpawu zokuqala ozitholile.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuthola Lowo?

Kusho ukuthini ukuthola lowo? Futhi wazi kanjani ukuthi ubani? Ukuze ukwazi ukuphendula le mibuzo ngokunembile, udinga kuqala ukuchaza ukuthi zitholele yona incazelo yakho. Lokhu kubalulekile ngoba, ngokwesiko elidumile, sivamise ukubona ama-romcom nezinganekwane ziveza umqondo “walowo” njengomuntu ongenasici, oqondayo womphefumulo ohlola wonke amabhokisi. Kodwa empilweni yangempela, ubudlelwano bothando bunzima kakhulu futhi buyi-nuanced.

Thola incazelo eyodwa ayibheki ukuphelela, kodwa kunalokho ukuthola umuntu ozizwa ekufanele. Nakuba incazelo yokuhlangana nomuntu olungile ingahluka kubantu abahlukene, ifinyelela ekutholeni umuntu othi:

• Wabelana ngamavelu akho
• Iphelelisa amandla akho nobuthakathaka bakho
• Uyakwamukela nakho konke ukungapheleli kwakho
• Yakha ukujula ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo nge
• Thola ukuhambisana nokuqondana nge
• Iba umngane wakho, isithandwa, nomngane wakho
• Ungazibona uchitha impilo yakho nawe

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu angu-13 Okuthandana Ku-inthanethi Ngempumelelo Nokuthola Umlingani Wakho Ofanele

Amathiphu angu-13 Azanyiwe futhi Ahloliwe Ukuze Uthole Lona

Ukuhlangana nothando lwempilo yakho nokuthola injabulo yakho kuze kube phakade. Ukuhlangana nomuntu ofanele owenza impilo yakho ikhanye ngokuba kuyo nje. Ukuqomisana nokuthola lowo ngokushesha. Konke lokhu kuyimibono emihle esivame ukuyiqala njengoba siqala ukufuna umlingani wokuphila konke, umuntu esingabelana naye ngokuxhumana komphefumulo . Ngemuva kwalokho, impilo iyenzeka futhi isinike ukuhlolwa kwamaqiniso.

Ukukhathala kokuswayipha ezinhlelweni zokusebenza zokuthandana. Ubuhlungu benhliziyo. Ubudlelwano obungajabulisi. Lezo zimiso ziyanyakaziswa. Futhi uzithola uzibuza, "Ingabe akuvamile ukuyithola? Ingabe ngizoke ngiyithole?" Akunandaba ukuthi uhambo lwakho kuze kube manje belunjani, uma ufuna ukuthola uthando lwaphakade kanye nesithandwa sakho somphefumulo wangempela, silapha ukuze sikuqondise ekufuneni kwakho. Ake sibheke amathiphu angu-13 avivinyiwe futhi ahloliwe angakusiza ukuthi uthole eyodwa futhi uguqule uhambo lwakho lothando:

1. Zazi ngokwezinga elijulile

Wazi kanjani ukuthi othile unguye? Umthola kanjani ngempela lowo? Ungase ube nesithakazelo sakho sothando ngenkathi uzama ukuxazulula lezi zimfihlakalo, nokho, impendulo ingaphakathi. Ukuze uthole umlingani ofanele futhi udale impilo yothando eyanelisayo, udinga ukuziqonda ngokujulile.

Udinga ukuthatha isikhathi ukuhlola izifiso zakho, izidingo, kanye namagugu. Kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho ongathola khona umaqondana okuphelelisa ngokuphelele. Nazi izindlela ezilula nezisebenzayo zokuzihlola ezizokuthatha usondele ekutholeni umlingani wakho okahle:

• Thatha ipeni nephepha, noma sebenzisa uhlelo lokusebenza lokubhala, ukuze uhlukanise ingqondo yakho futhi uveze imicabango yakho. Bhala ngamaphupho akho, izifiso, nempilo yothando efanelekile
• Yenza ibhodi lombono ngempilo yakho yokuphola. Qoqa izithombe, izingcaphuno, namagama ahambisana nobudlelwano obufisayo. Bandakanya imisebenzi oyijabulelayo nezindawo ofuna ukuzihlola nozakwenu wakusasa. Lokhu kuvezwa okubonakalayo kuzogcina izidingo zakho zigxile futhi kukukhuthaze ukuthi uzibonakalise
• Beka eceleni izikhathi ezithulile zokucabanga, uzivumele ukuba ube khona futhi uzindle ngempilo yakho yothando. Gxila emicabangweni nasemizweni yakho yangaphakathi, futhi ubheke ukuthi yini ephakamayo. Lo mkhuba ungakusiza ukuthi uthole ukucaciseleka mayelana nokuthi ukuphi ohambweni lwakho lwezothando nokuthi yini oyifunayo ngobuqotho kumlingani wakho

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2. Chaza umlingani wakho okahle (ngokucacile)

Uyakhumbula izinsuku ezinhle zakudala lapho umngane wakho omkhulu ayekubuza, “Ungayichaza kanjani intombi yakho yamaphupho?” noma “Ungathandana nobani?” Kuyavela ukuthi ukuchaza umlingani wakho ofanele ngokucacile kubaluleke kakhulu lapho ukhetha umlingani wakho wokuphila . Ngakho-ke, zinike isikhathi sokuzindla nokudala uhlu lwezimfanelo nezici ozifisayo kumlingani. Zama lawa macebiso:

• Yenza uhlu lwezimfanelo ozazisa kumlingani wakho. Cabanga ngezici ezibalulekile kuwena - lezi kungaba yinoma yini ukusuka emuseni kuye ekuthembekeni, isifiso sokuvelela, ukuba namahloni, noma izithakazelo ezifanayo
• Uma ucabanga ngamafulegi aluhlaza, kubalulekile futhi ukwenza uhlu lwamafulegi abomvu noma imikhuba ongayifuni kumlingani wakho ofanelekile.
• Cabanga ngohlobo lothando olufunayo. Chaza okungaxoxiswana ngakho uma kuziwa ezintweni okufanele uzibheke ebudlelwaneni. Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe ufuna i-adventure nenjabulo, noma unesithakazelo kakhulu ekuphileni kancane?
• Cabangela isipiliyoni sakho sangaphambilini, okusebenzile nalokho okungasebenzanga. Lokhu kuzindla kuzokusiza ukuthi uthole ukucaciseleka kokuthi ubani obengaba umuntu wakho ophelele

3. Gxila ekubeni inguqulo yakho engcono kakhulu

Ngaphambi kokuthi usebenzele ukuhlangana nomuntu okhethekile, zenze ufaneleke ukuba ngowothile. Yenza umsebenzi ukuze ugxilise ukuqwashisa ngephethini yakho yokucabanga, izinhlelo zezinkolelo, ukungenzi kahle, kanye namaphutha, futhi uthathe izinyathelo zokulungisa noma yini evimbela ikhono lakho lokuvula inhliziyo yakho nempilo yakho othandweni lweqiniso.

Ukushintsha amaphethini angenampilo ngemikhuba enempilo akugcini nje ngokukubeka endaweni engcono yokuthola umlingani ofanele kodwa futhi kukuvumela ukuthi wakhe ubudlelwano obuhle naye. Ngakho-ke, gxila ekubeni uhlobo olungcono kakhulu lwakho uma ufuna ukuthola lowo osebudlelwaneni.

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4. Ungenzi ngenxa yokuphelelwa ithemba

“Kungani ngingakwazi ukuthola umuntu engithandana naye?” “Ingabe ngiyoke ngimthole noma ngigcine ngingedwa?” Imicabango efana nalena iyinkomba yokuthi ufuna ukuxhumana nomunye umuntu ovela endaweni yokuphelelwa yithemba nokuswela — akekho kubo okhangayo. Mhlawumbe, bonke abangani bakho basebudlelwaneni obuzinzile nobuzinikele, futhi lokho kufanele kugxile emcabangweni wokuthi nawe, udinga ukuthola lowo muntu oyedwa ongabelana naye ngempilo yakho. (Khumbula uRajesh Koothrappali ovela ku- The Big Bang Theory , kanye nesinqumo sakhe sokucela abazali bakhe ukuba bamtholele intombazane ngoba bonke abangani bakhe babeshadile. Futhi ukuthi lokho kwamcasula kanjani.)

Mhlawumbe wazi kahle ukuthi iwashi lebhayoloji liyahamba, futhi ufuna nje ukuthola uMnu./Ms. Ngaphambi nje kokuthi kuphuze kakhulu. Nokho, lezi akuzona izizathu ezifanele zokufuna umngane. Kufanele ube nomuntu ngoba awukwazi ukucabanga ukuthi uphila impilo yakho ngenye indlela, hhayi ukuqoka ibhokisi lohlu lwezinto okufanele uzenze empilweni.

Uma wenza lokhu kwakamuva, kukugcwalisa umuzwa wokuphelelwa yithemba, okwenza ubambelele futhi ulungisele umuntu wokuqala ohambisanayo ovelayo. Lokhu-ke kukugcina ubambe obishini lobudlelwano obungafezisi, ushiye uzibuza, “Ingabe akuvamile yini ukumthola?

5. Zijabulise futhi uzoheha uthando

Wake wababona labo bantu abakhanyisa injabulo? Banalo leli khono elinamandla elenza kube lula ukubathanda nokugcina inhlansi iphila . Nansi imfihlo encane: ukuthola uthando lwangempela kuqala ngokuthola injabulo ngaphakathi kuwe. Kufana namandla amakhulu adonsela uthando empilweni yakho.

Lapho ubeka injabulo yakho kuqala futhi uzinakekela, uba ongenakuphikiswa ngendlela engcono kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, qhubeka wenze izinto ezikulethela injabulo. Phishekela izifiso zakho futhi uzungeze nge-positivity. Lowo ohloselwe wena uzothola indlela eya kuwe.

6. Yiba nokholo lokuthi uthando lwakho lweqiniso luzokuthola

Kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa udabukile lapho kade wenza umzamo wokuthola uthando lweqiniso ngaphandle kokubona imiphumela oyifisayo. Kodwa zama ukungagxili emicabangweni enjengokuthi, “Ingabe ngiyoke ngiluthole uthando lweqiniso?” Kunalokho, hlala unethemba lokuthi umuntu olungile uzofika empilweni yakho ngesikhathi esifanele.

Thembela emandleni okuhle futhi ukholelwe ukuthi indawo yonke inecebo ngawe. Isinyathelo ngasinye osithathayo - noma singakuholeli ngqo othandweni lwakho lweqiniso - sikusondeza kubo. Ngakho-ke, yiba nokholo oluqinile ohambweni lwakho futhi uqhubeke nokufuna ngenhliziyo enethemba. Khumbula, uma utshala ukholo oluningi ekufuneni kwakho uthando lweqiniso, wandisa amathuba okuthola uxhumano lwakho lomphefumulo.

7. Vulekele okuhlangenwe nakho okusha

Yamukela izikhathi ezingalindelekile ezingaholela kokuthile okukhethekile, kungaba ukuqala ingxoxo nothile esitolo sekhofi (kungaholela ekuphumeni kwekhofi okuhle ), ukuxhumana nothile emcimbini wokuzijabulisa, noma ngisho nokuhlangana nothile ngenkathi usohambweni. Awazi ukuthi ungahlangana nini futhi kuphi nomuntu ofanele wena.

Phuma endaweni yakho yokunethezeka, zama imisebenzi emisha, noma ujoyine imiphakathi efana nezintshisekelo zakho. Lokhu kungakusiza ukuthi uhlangane nabantu abanomqondo ofanayo okungenzeka kube “nguyena”. Nazi iziphakamiso ezimbalwa:

• Thatha umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa, hambela iworkshop noma isemina, noma ivolontiya ngesizathu okholelwa kuso. Lokhu kuzokwethula kubantu abahlukahlukene, kwandise amathuba akho okuthola umaqondana
• Hlola izinkundla eziku-inthanethi, izinkundla, noma amaqembu enkundla yezokuxhumana anikezelwe ezihlokweni noma imisebenzi oyithandayo
• Qaphela imicimbi yendawo, imikhosi, noma imibuthano ehambisana nezinto ozilibazisa ngazo noma izindinganiso zakho. Lezi zenzakalo zivame ukuheha abantu abanezintshisekelo ezifanayo, ukunikeza indawo ekhululekile nejabulisayo yokuhlangana nalowo muntu ophelele

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8. Khuluma nabangane bakho nomndeni wakho

Khumbula ukuthi umama wakho wayazi kanjani ukuthi isoka lakho lasesikoleni esiphakeme lizokukhohlisa futhi likuphule inhliziyo? Uyamkhumbula umngane wakho omkhulu ekutshela ukuthi lowo mfana uphelele kangakanani kuwe? Uma sikhuluma iqiniso, ubani ongasiza kangcono kunabantu abakuthandayo, abakwaziyo, nabakukhathalela ngokujulile?

Uma ukuthandana nokuthola lowo muntu kungakakulungeli kuze kube manje, qhubeka ubacele amathiphu ngohlobo lomuntu okufanele uthandane naye. Uma ungazizwa ukhululekile ukuxoxa nabangani bakho noma nomndeni wakho ngalokhu, funa imibhangqwana enobudlelwano obuhle besikhathi eside . Xhumana nabo futhi nixoxe ngokwethembeka. Ungase uthole iziphakamiso ezingenakuqhathaniswa.

9. Hamba lapho abantu benezintshisekelo ezifanayo nawe

Uyithola kanjani ngempela, uyabuza? Ngokumane ubheke ezindaweni ezifanele. Ukufuna "ukuthola kanjani umphefumulo wami" kungakwenza ucabange kakhulu noma uzame kanzima ukuthola lowo muntu ophelele ozovele angene empilweni yakho futhi akushanele asuke ezinyaweni zakho. Kodwa njengoba sishilo, uma sikhuluma ngokuthola incazelo eyodwa, isihluthulelo wukubheka umuntu ongafanelana nawe.

Ukuthola umuntu onomqondo ofanayo owabelana naye izintshisekelo nezinkanuko kungaba yisiqalo esihle ohambweni lwakho lokuthola lowo ongeke ukwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwakhe. Ngemuva kwakho konke, yini engcono kunokuthola okuvumelanayo ukwakha ukuxhumana okuyiqiniso kukho?

UDave (27) waseColorado, owahlangana nophathina wakhe emcimbini wezigelekeqe, uthi, “Naka izimpawu zokuqala ohlangane nazo. Ukuhlangana nothando lwempilo yakho, noma ukuhlangana nomuntu ofanele kuvame ukuhambisana nomuzwa ojulile wokuxhumana nokuhambisana. Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ukuthi unezinto ezifanayo ozithandayo nezinto ozilibazisa ngazo.”

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10. Vakashela umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano noma owelapha

Ukhathazekile ngokuthi awusoze waluthola uthando lweqiniso? Uma ubhekene nesimo esinzima, funa isiqondiso kuchwepheshe wobudlelwano noma umelaphi. Bangakunikeza imininingwane ebalulekile futhi bakusize uziqonde kangcono, uveze amaphethini futhi uhlole imizwa yakho. Bangakuqondisa ekutholeni umlingani wakho wempilo ohambisanayo.

UDerek (35) waseFlorida usitshela ukuthi, “Mhlawumbe ukhathele ukungahlangani nomuntu ofanele. Noma umuntu obucabanga ukuthi nguyena ongafuni izinto ezifana nezakho futhi wavuma ngokushesha nje lapho ubona ukuthi ufuna ubudlelwano obuqinile . Ngakho-ke, wazi kanjani ukuthi othile unguye? Uma ngibheka okuhlangenwe nakho, ngingasho ukuthi ukufuna isiqondiso kumqeqeshi wobudlelwano noma umeluleki kungaba usizo olukhulu ezimweni ezinjengalezi. Bangakusiza ukuthi uqonde ohambweni lokuhlangana nomuntu okhethekile. Noma njengami, ukuhlangana nothando lwempilo yakho!”

11. Beka kuqala ubungane

“Bamtholile ngempela.” Ingabe uke uzizwe ngale ndlela uma ubheka izithandani ezikuzungezile? Kungaba umalume nomakazi wakho, umngane wakho omkhulu nesoka lakhe, noma umbhangqwana oshadile omdala endaweni yakini. Yiqiniso, izindaba zabo zothando zizohluka, kodwa uzoqaphela into eyodwa evamile - isibopho sabo sakhelwe phezu kwesisekelo sobungani obuqinile.

Yingakho ukwakha ubungane kubaluleke ngempela uma ufuna ukuthola osebudlelwaneni noma ukuthola ongakwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwakhe. Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Uma othile ezizwa engumngane osondelene kakhulu, akwenza uhleke ngisho nangezinsuku ezimnyama, futhi akusize wabelane ngazo zonke izimfihlo zakho ngaphandle kokukhathazeka, thatha iseluleko! Lezi izimpawu zokuqala ukuthi uhlangane nalena.

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12. Zama izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuqomisana eziku-inthanethi

Ingabe ngizoluthola uthando kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuthandana? Ingabe ukuthandana nokuthola olungenzeka? Ingabe akuvamile ukuthola olunjalo, ikakhulukazi kulesi sikhathi sokuthandana kwanamuhla ? Uma uke wazibuza lokhu, yazi ukuthi abantu abaningi bathole ubudlelwano obunenjongo ngokuthandana online.

Nakhu okungasiza: isithombe sephrofayela esihle (amaphuzu we-brownie uma uhamba nenja yakho), iphrofayela eyiqiniso (akukho manyuvesi mbumbulu noma izindaba zokuvakasha, sicela), kanye nokuzinika isikhathi sokwazi okufanayo ongase ube nakho. Manje, uma usulungile, nazi izinhlelo zokusebenza ezimbalwa ezidumile zokuqomisana ku-inthanethi, ikakhulukazi ubudlelwano obubalulekile:

• eHarmony
• Match.com
• Kulungile
• Ikhofi ihlangana ne-Bagel
• EliteSingles
• qhuma
• Hinge
• Inhlangano

13. Zama ukuthola izinsuku ongaziboni

“Ngesikhathi ngihlangana nonyoko, ngazizwa sengathi ngingaphinde ngiphefumule,” kusho uJack Pearson wase- This is Us etshela izingane zakhe. Wahlangana noRebecca ngesikhathi bengaboni kodwa akazange azizwe enobudlelwano obuqinile ekuqaleni. Kodwa-ke, isiphetho sasinamanye amacebo. Baphinde bahlangana kamuva ngalobo busuku. Njengoba babexoxa ngokujulile, kwavutha inhlansi, futhi baqaphela ukuthi kukhona okukhethekile phakathi kwabo.

Uyakhumbula ngemva kweminyaka eminingi, “Bengizama nje ukuthola indawo ethule ukuze ngifunde incwadi yami, ngabe sengikubona. Futhi ngicabanga ukuthi, uma ungashadile, futhi uzama ukuba njalo, uyazi, “O, angidingi muntu”, kuhlale kukhona lo muntu oyedwa, lo muntu oyedwa ovele…

Uma usanda kuphuma ebudlelwaneni obude noma ulahlekelwe ukholo othandweni lweqiniso noma ebudlelwaneni obuvuthiwe , ukuqomisana nomuntu ongamazi kungaba yilokho kanye okudingayo. Kungaba mnandi njenge-aloe vera esikhumbeni esishiswe yilanga — okunikeza umbono omusha kanye nethuba lokuhlangana nomuntu omthandayo. Ngithembe, ukuqomisana nomuntu ongamazi kungaba namandla okukumangaza ngezindlela ongakaze uzicabange!

Khumbula, uhambo lokuthola lowo lugcwele ukuzitholela wena, ukukhula komuntu siqu, kanye namathuba ajabulisayo. Yebo, ngeke kwenzeke ngosuku, kodwa ngalawa macebiso engqondweni, ngeke kudingeke ulinde unomphela noma ulahlekelwe ithemba. Jabulela ukugibela, uhlale unethemba, futhi ukholwe ukuthi okungcono kakhulu kuseza. Okufanayo kwakho okuphelele kulapha nje, ulinde ukwabelana nawe ngendaba yothando emangalisayo!

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.