Amabhokisi amancane kunawo wonke anzima kakhulu, futhi ngokuvamile imibhangqwana ehlukunyezwa ubuhlungu bokulahlekelwa ingane ithola isibopho sayo siphela ngaphansi kosizi olungenakunqobeka. Noma ubani oke wabhekana nosizi kuqala uyazi ukuthi kukushintsha unomphela. Ngisho nangokwengeziwe, lapho ningabashadikazi nisosizini lokushonelwa yingane.
Phakathi kokulangazelela ukuhanjiswa ngomlingo kubuyiselwe esikhathini lapho yonke into yayingendlela okufanele ibe ngayo, kungaba nzima ukuthi abalingani babukane ngaphandle kokukhunjuzwa iqiniso elimangalisayo lokuthi ngeke kube njalo. Ungase ungakuqapheli ekuqaleni, kodwa kancane kancane kodwa ngokuqinisekile, ungase uqale ukuqaphela ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho noma umshado wakho ngemva kokushona kwengane usushintshe ngokungenakulungiseka.
Usizi lungathatha bobabili abalingani baye ezindleleni ezahlukene, futhi mhlawumbe ngezindlela eziphambene, futhi ukuthola kabusha uxhumano lwenu njengombhangqwana kungaba uhambo olugcwele izithiyo. Ucwaningo lwamuva nje luthole nokuthi u-12% wemishado e-US uphela ngesehlukaniso ngemva kokushona kwengane. Nakuba lokho kuyimpumuzo eyamukelekayo kwizibalo ezimangalisayo zasekupheleni kwawo-1980 ezibeke izinga lesehlukaniso ngemva kokulahlekelwa ingane ku-80%, ingozi yokuthi usizi lungahlukanisa abalingani ingokoqobo futhi ingenza uhambo oluvele lunzima lube nesizungu nakakhulu.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDevaleena Ghosh (M.Res, eManchester University), umsunguli weKornash: The Lifestyle Management School, ogxile ekwelulekeni kwemibhangqwana kanye nokwelashwa komndeni, ubhala ngokuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka nokuthi ungasinda kanjani ekulahlekelweni kwengane ndawonye.
Ukuthi Ukushonelwa Yingane Kubuthinta Kanjani Ubudlelwane Bombhangqwana
Okuqukethwe
Ukudabuka ngokulahlekelwa ngumntwana kungadala ukungezwani okukhulu emshadweni njengoba abantu ababili ebudlelwaneni behlala behluleka ukuqonda nokuveza imizwa yabo yesikhashana. Imizwa ivame ukuqondiswa kabi, futhi ukusondelana ngemva kokushona komntwana kungaqala ukuba yingozi.
Futhi isikhathi umlingani ngamunye angase asithathe ekudabukeni sihlukile, futhi kungaba kanjalo nendlela yabo yokudabuka ngokushonelwa umntwana. Nakuba ubuhlungu bokulahlekelwa ingane bungapheli, ucwaningo lwathola ukuthi usizi olukhulu ngokuvamile luhlala phakathi kwezinyanga ezingu-4-6, bese kancane kancane luqala ukwehla phakathi neminyaka engu-3-4 elandelayo.
Usizi lubuye luhluke kumuntu nomuntu, okuvame ukuguqula ubuntu babo okwesikhashana noma unomphela, okubuye kuthinte ubuhlobo.
Isiqalo esisha ngemva kokushona kwengane
Nakuba ukulahlekelwa ingane kungenza abantu abathandana nabo baqhelelane, kungase futhi kubangele ukuthi abantu bazibophezele ngokugcwele ebudlelwaneni babo ngoba bangase babone nje ukuthi ukuphila kufushane futhi akuqinisekile.
Ngabona omunye umbhangqwana onjalo osebenza ekwelapheni uzama ukwamukela ukulahlekelwa kwawo futhi athole indlela yokubhekana nokushona komntwana. Ingane yabo yayisishonile ngokuzumayo ngenxa yokugula okubulalayo, okwashiya lo mbhangqwana ushaqekile futhi kwalandela usizi olukhulu. Ngemva kokuba sekwelapheni isikhathi esingaphezu konyaka, lo mbhangqwana wanquma ukunikeza ithuba lokuba ngumzali ithuba lesibili.
Abakwazanga ukuphinde badlule ezinkumbulo zokuzalwa komntwana okungokwemvelo futhi ngenxa yalokho banquma ukuzalelwa omunye komunye. Manje, bangabazali abaziqhenyayo bamawele. Njengodokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo, ngesinye sezikhathi engizazisa kakhulu ukubona ukuthi abanye abantu abangena ehhovisi lami bephethe ubuhlungu obungaka baqala kanjani ukukholelwa ukuthi kuhlale kunokukhanya ekugcineni komhubhe.
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Usizi lungashintsha umuntu ngamunye, futhi ngokwengeza, amandla omshado ngemva kokushona kwengane. Kodwa-ke, ukulahlekelwa yingane akudingekile ukuba kube isandulela sokunye ukulahlekelwa okuthena amandla - lokho kobudlelwane bakho. Ngisho noma wena nobudlelwano bakho nishintsha ngokungenakulungiseka lapho usosizini lokushonelwa ingane, kuyenzeka uthole izindlela zokuchaza kabusha i-equation yakho futhi ungahlukani ngendlela yokuthi nibe abantu abangabazi komunye nomunye.
Ungasinda kulesi sikhathi esinzima emshadweni. Nazi iziphakamiso ezimbalwa zokuthi ningasinda kanjani ekulahlekelweni ingane nindawonye:
1. Yiba phakathi kwalabo abakukhathalelayo
Lapho umzali eshonelwa ingane, ngezindlela eziningi kungase kubonakale sengathi ukuphela kwendlela. Imizwa yokungabi nathemba nokudangala ingokwemvelo uma usosizini lokulahlekelwa okuyisikhumbuzo nokungalungiseki. Kungalezi zikhathi lapho ukuzizungeza nabantu abakukhathalela ngempela kuba okubaluleke kakhulu kunangaphambili. Ngisho noma uzizwa ufuna ukuzehlukanisa, ungabaxoshi labo abafuna ukuba nawe ngalesi sikhathi.
2. Vumela abanye bakusize
Abathandekayo bakho bangafuna ukukusiza ngazo zonke izindlela lapho usosizini lokushonelwa ingane. Ungalahli lolu sizo ucabanga ukuthi uzoba umthwalo kubo. Kungaba usizo ngezinto ezingokoqobo ezifana nokunakekela enye ingane ongase ube nayo noma ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ukuze ubhekane nosizi, vumela umndeni wakho nabangane ukuba babe khona ngenxa yakho.
3. Zihlehlise izinqumo ezinkulu
Ngokusemandleni akho, kuhlehlisa ukwenza noma yiziphi izinqumo ezinkulu okungenani kuze kudlule ukushaqeka kokuqala nosizi olukhulu. Isimo esintekenteke ngokomzwelo singaba nomthelela ekwahluleleni kwakho, futhi ungagcina wenze izinqumo oyozisola ngazo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ngokwesibonelo, ngisho noma umshado wakho ngemva kokushona kwengane udlula esigabeni esinezinkinga, kuhle ukuba ungajahi ukunquma ikusasa lobuhlobo bakho. Okufanayo nokuyeka umsebenzi, ukunquma ukuthola enye ingane, ukuthuthela edolobheni elihlukile, njalonjalo.
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4. Cabanga ngokuthatha ukwelulekwa ngosizi
Yebo, ubuhlungu bokulahlekelwa umntwana abupheli kodwa ngosizo olufanele lomeluleki oqeqeshiwe, ungafunda ukubhekana nabo kangcono. Ukwelulekwa ngokushonelwa kungase futhi kube yinzuzo enkulu ekubhekaneni nanoma yimiphi imizwa yecala noma yokusola abazali okungenzeka ukuthi banenkinga nayo ngemva kokulahlekelwa ingane.
Umlobi oyimbongi u-Alphonse de Lamartine wabhala, “Usizi luhlanganisa izinhliziyo ezimbili ezisondelana kakhulu kunentokozo engakaze iyenze.” Labo abasosizini lokushonelwa kungenzeka bangavumelani nalo mbono. Ukulahlekelwa umntwana akugcini nje ngokuba buhlungu ngendlela exakile kodwa kungase kube okuhlangenwe nakho okunesizungu. Kodwa-ke, ngosizo olufanele, ungaqala ukucosha izingcezu zenhliziyo yakho ephukile futhi nidwebe inkambo entsha yobudlelwano benu, ndawonye.
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