Ubudlelwano obuqala esithembisweni sendlela ende yenjabulo nobunye bungadlula esiphithiphithini esingabashiya bulenga ngentambo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukwelashwa kokukhuluma nomeluleki onolwazi kungaphefumula impilo entsha ebuhlotsheni. Ngisho neyodwa bobabili abalingani abalahle ithemba.
Ingabe wena nophathina wakho nibhekene nezinkinga noma ukungezwani okubonakala kungenakulungiseka? Ubucabanga ukuthi ukuya ekwelashweni kwabashadikazi kungaba yisinqumo esifanele yini? Qhubeka ufunde ukuze uthole ukuthi iyini ngempela indlela yokwelapha yokukhuluma nokuthi lezi zithandani eziyisi-6 zayithola kanjani indlela eya phambili ngale ndlela.
Iyini I-Talk Therapy?
Okuqukethwe
I-Talk therapy, ebizwa nangokuthi i-psychotherapy, iyindlela ethembele ekukhulumeni ngemizwa nemicabango ukuze uthole umbono ngezinto ebezihlupha umuntu. Abeluleki nabelaphi bathembele kumasu anhlobonhlobo okwelapha ukuze basize umuntu aveze imicabango yakhe yangempela odabeni alwa nalo. Lokhu kungasukela ekuziphatheni kuye kokuthiyori yokuqonda kanye nokuveza ngobuciko nokudweba.
Ukwelashwa ngezingxoxo kusiza imibhangqwana ebhekene nobunzima ebudlelwaneni bayo. Ngokuyinhloko ngoba ukukhuluma nomeluleki oqeqeshiwe kulula kunokukhuluma omunye nomunye lapho abalingani ababili bebhekene nezinkinga zobudlelwano.
Umelaphi noma umeluleki akagcini ngokulalela ngaphandle kokwahlulela kodwa futhi uthembele kumasu okwelapha okukhuluma ahloliwe ukuze akusize uthole impendulo ezinkingeni zakho. Kukunikeza indawo ephephile yokukhala, ukumemeza, ukuthula noma ukukhuluma futhi wamukele indlela ozizwa ngayo. Okuhlangenwe nakho kungasiza abantu babheke izimo zabo ngombono omusha. Lokhu, futhi, kusiza ukwamukela inoveli noma indlela ehlukile yokuxazulula izinkinga.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokuthi Usemshadweni Ongenaluthando
Uma kwenzeka ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana noma ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano , umbhangqwana uvame ukuxhumana nochwepheshe wezokwelapha ubuso nobuso. Njengoba umqondo wokwelashwa ngezingxoxo online uthola ukuthandwa, namuhla lezi zingxoxo zenziwa nge-imeyili, ucingo noma izingcingo zevidiyo. Ukwelashwa ngezingxoxo online kunikeza labo abangakhululekile ngomqondo wokuxoxa ngezinkinga zabo zobudlelwano obala.
Ngaphandle kwalokho, njengoba kungadingeki uvakashele umeluleki ngezikhathi, kulula ukuhambisana nakho.
Isetshenziselwani I-Talk Therapy?
Yebo, ukwelapha ngenkulumo kuyindlela esetshenziswa kakhulu ekwelulekweni ngobudlelwano. Nokho, indima yayo ayigcini lapho kuphela. Ngakho-ke, kusetshenziselwa ini ukwelashwa kokukhuluma?
Ingasiza abantu abalwa nezimo eziningi ezahlukene. Noma ubani onezinkinga ezingokomzwelo noma odlula esigabeni esibi ekuphileni angazuza ekwelashweni kokukhuluma. Ezinye zezicelo eziphezulu zokwelashwa kokukhuluma zihlanganisa:
- Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo: Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo ezifana ukucindezeleka, ama-phobias, ukuphazamiseka kokudla kanye nokulutha. Abelaphi baphinde bancike ekwelashweni kwenkulumo ezimweni ezihlobene nokukhathazeka, njengoba le ndlela isiza abantu abathintekile ukuthi bathuthuke kakhulu. Ngaphandle kwalokho, isetshenziselwa ukuphatha izimo zempilo yengqondo ezinzima njenge-bipolar disorder noma i-schizophrenia, kanye nemithi.
- Ukubhekana nokuhlukumezeka: Futhi kusiza abantu ukuthi babhekane kangcono nezenzakalo zempilo ezibuhlungu njengokufa, ukulahlekelwa umsebenzi, ukulahlekelwa yimali, ukungabi nabantwana, noma ukuhlukunyezwa.
- Ukubhekana nesifo: Abantu abaphethwe yizifo ezingamahlalakhona noma ezibeka impilo engcupheni njengesifo sikashukela, isifo senhliziyo, umdlavuza, i-multiple sclerosis, ukukhuluphala ngokweqile bangalawula kangcono inhlalakahle yabo yengqondo ngokwelashwa kokukhuluma.
- Izimo zomuntu siqu ezinzima: Imindeni ehlukanayo noma ebhekene nezimo ezinzima njengokulutheka, ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile noma izinkinga zokulungisa lapho ithuthela kwenye indawo ingase futhi izuze kumaseshini okwelapha ezingxoxo zeqembu.
- Intukuthelo: Isebenza ngempumelelo nasekulawuleni intukuthelo
- Izinkinga zobudlelwano: Kunjalo, kuyindlela yokuzikhethela yabelaphi uma kuziwa ekwelulekweni ngobudlelwano. Kusukela ekungalinganini kuya ezindabeni ezingaxazululiwe, ukungathembeki, izinkinga zezimali, ukungazali, ubudlelwano obungenabulili - kungasiza imibhangqwana ukuba ibhekane nenqwaba yezinkinga
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kubonisa Ukuthi Ulala Nawe Kodwa Akasakuthandi
Ibiza Malini Ukwelapha Ngenkulumo?
Izindleko zokwelashwa kwenkulumo e-US ziyahlukahluka, kuye ngendawo ohlala kuyo, uhlobo lwezinkinga obhekene nazo kanye nolwazi nobungcweti bomelaphi. Isilinganiso sikazwelonke sezindleko zokwelapha inkulumo sibekwe ku-$90. Iseshini yehora ingabiza noma yikuphi phakathi kuka-$60 kuya ku-$120. Kodwa-ke, emadolobheni anjengeNew York, iseshini eyodwa yokwelapha inkulumo ingabiza noma kuphi phakathi kwama- $200 kuya ku-$300.
Ezimweni eziningi, lokhu akumbozwa ngomshuwalense . Izindleko eziphezulu zokwelapha zivame ukubangelwa uhlobo lwazo oluqondene nomuntu siqu. Noma kunjalo, lolu daba seluya ngokuya luba nomthelela. Izinhlangano eziningi zicindezela ukuthi izikhathi zokwelapha zimbozwe ngomshuwalense, njengoba umuntu oyedwa kwabahlanu baseMelika angadinga ukwelashwa ngesikhathi esithile.
Uma wena nomlingani wakho nibhekene nezinkinga zobudlelwano, ningafuna ukwelashwa ngengxoxo ku-inthanethi ngo-$15 kuya ku-$35 ngeseshini ngayinye eqenjini lethu labeluleki abalulekayo.
Yiziphi Izinhlobo Ezi-4 Zokwelapha Ngenkulumo?
Izindlela zokwelapha zokukhuluma ezisetshenziselwa ukubhekana nezinhlobo ezahlukene zezinkinga zingahlukaniswa kabanzi zibe izinhlobo ezine. Ngayinye yalezi indlela ehlelwe ngokwesayensi eklanyelwe ukusiza abantu baxazulule izinkinga zabo. Ngokuya ngokufaneleka kwecala, umelaphi angase asebenzise eyodwa noma ingxube yezindlela ezahlukene zokwelapha inkulumo.
Izinhlobo ezi-4 zokwelapha zokukhuluma yilezi:
1. Izindlela zokwelapha zokuziphatha kwengqondo (CBT)
Lapho usebenzisa izindlela zokwelapha zokuziphatha kwengqondo, umelaphi uncika ezindleleni zesayensi ukuze alungise izikhathi ezihleliwe. Umelaphi ubamba izintambo zengxoxo, ayiqondise ezinkingeni ezikhona kanye nezixazululo ezisebenzayo zokubhekana nazo.
Kugxilwe ekusizeni umuntu ukuthi abone ukuthi angazizwa kanjani kangcono ngokusabela ngendlela ehlukile emizweni nemicabango yakhe. Ukubekela inselele imicabango engemihle noma ukuzama imisebenzi emisha ngezinye zezindlela ezivamile ezisetshenziswa ku-CBT.
Lokhu ukwelashwa kwesikhashana okuthatha noma yikuphi kusuka kumaseshini ayisithupha kuya kwangu-24. I-CBT iwusizo kakhulu kubantu abafuna ukubheka isixazululo senkinga yamanje abanomgomo wokuphela ocacile engqondweni. Ngokwesibonelo, umbhangqwana ofuna ukuxazulula ukungezwani ukuze wenze ubuhlobo babo buphumelele.
2. Ukwelashwa ngokuziphatha kwe-Dialectic (DBT)
Ukwelashwa kokuziphatha kwe-Dialectic kufana ne-CBT eduze. Umehluko kuphela ukuthi le ndlela ihlanganisa namasu athile okuzindla. Lokhu kuwusizo kakhulu kubantu abanezinkinga eziphikelelayo njengokuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla noma labo ababonisa ukuthambekela kokuzilimaza njengemicabango yokuzibulala.
I-DBT iyasebenza ekwelulekweni komuntu ngamunye, kwabashadile noma kweqembu.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokuthi Ushade Nomuntu Ongafanele
3. Imithi yokwelapha ye-Psychodynamic
Indlela kule nqubo yokwelapha yokukhuluma iwukuhlola ukuthi okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwasebuntwaneni kuyithonya kanjani imicabango yakho, ukuziphatha, ubudlelwano nemizwa. Ngokuthola lo mbono, abantu bangakwazi ukuhlomela kangcono ukubhekana nezimo ezinzima.
Ukwelashwa kwengqondo kusekelwe emibonweni kaSigmund Freud kodwa kuye kwashintsha kakhulu eminyakeni eyikhulu edlule. Lolu hlobo lokwelapha ngokukhuluma luzuzisa abantu ababhekene nokucindezeleka, ukuphazamiseka kokucindezeleka ngemva kwenhlekelele, umlutha , ukukhathazeka noma izinkinga zokudla.
4. Imithi yokwelapha yesintu
Le ndlela yokwelapha yokukhuluma isebenzisa indlela yomuntu wonke ukusiza umuntu ukubhekana nezinkinga zakhe. Ingxubevange yemikhuba kanye nethiyori isetshenziselwa ukukusiza ukuthi uguquke njengomuntu, kugxilwe ekukuphusheni ukuze ubone amandla akho aphelele.
Imithi yokwelapha yesintu ikusiza ukuthi uhlole ubudlelwano bakho ngezici ezahlukene zomzimba wakho njengemizwa, ukuziphatha, ingqondo, ingokomoya. Futhi nobudlelwano bakho nalabo abakuzungezile - umndeni, umlingani, izingane, osebenza nabo, abangani kanye nomphakathi wonkana.
Lokhu kungasetshenziswa uma kukhulunywa ngokwelulekwa kwababili uma bobabili abalingani bezimisele ukuhlola amathuba okuphila kwabo ndawonye ngokubheka izinkinga zabo ngezindlela ezahlukene.
Isebenza Kangakanani I-Talk Therapy?
Uma kuziwa ekufuneni usizo lochwepheshe, umbuzo wokuthi kusebenza kanjani ukwelapha ngenkulumo ngokuqinisekile unzima engqondweni. Izindlela zokwelapha zokukhuluma zisetshenziswa ochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo ukuze kubhekwane nezinhlobonhlobo zezinkinga, futhi ukusebenza kwazo kuyehluka kuye ngendawo esetshenziswayo kanye nezinkinga ezikhona.
Nokho, endabeni yobudlelwano, kubhekwa njengenye yamathuluzi asebenza kahle kakhulu okuvala igebe phakathi kwabalingani abathandanayo. Noma ubaqondise endleleni yokulungisa imifantu ebudlelwaneni babo. Akudingeki ube sebudlelwaneni obungasebenzi kahle noma obuyingozi ukuze ucabangele ukwelashwa ngengxoxo. Kungaba usizo ngisho nasezimweni lapho oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bethola ubudlelwano babo bungagculisi.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ubudlelwano Bokucindezela Ukudonsa - Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokukunqoba
Izinzuzo ezi-5 eziphezulu zokwelapha eningazithola njengabashadikazi zihlanganisa:
1. Umbono ohlosiwe
Uma utshalwe ngokujulile ngokomzwelo kumuntu, ungaphuphuthekiswa yimizwa yakho. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukubona ubudlelwano ukuthi buyini kungaba inselele kubo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, uma unamaphuzu ahlukene okubuka odabeni, kungaba nzima ukubona umbono womunye umuntu ngaphandle kokwahlulela noma ukuchema.
Umelaphi angakunikeza umbono oqondile mayelana namaqiniso aphansi, akwenze nizazi nobabili futhi enze lula indlela yokucubungula ubudlelwano benu. Lokhu kungasiza futhi ukugxilisa ukunaka kwakho ezindabeni okudingeka usebenzele kuzo.
2. Ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo
Izithiyo zokuxhumana zivamile ebudlelwaneni. Ngisho nalezo ezibonakala sengathi 'zijabule' futhi 'zinempilo'. Lapho ama-egos nokubandlulula kudlalwa, kungaba nzima ukudlulisela imicabango yakho kumlingani wakho ngempumelelo. Kanye, sebenza futhi uqonde ezabo.
Ngaphandle kokuthi uhlaziye amaphethini akho okuxhumana ngekama lamazinyo amahle, ukuhlonza izindawo eziyinkinga kungaba nzima.
Ezimweni eziningi, bobabili abalingani bayazi ukuthi yini inkinga kodwa abazi ukuthi bangafinyelela kanjani komunye ukuze bayixazulule. Abelaphi baqeqeshelwe ukuqondisa ukuxhumana kwakho endaweni efanele ngezingxoxo, ukuzivocavoca, amasu, namanye amathuluzi.
3. Ukuthola ubuthakathaka
Izikhathi eziningi izinkinga zobudlelwane zisuka ekubeni sengozini okulethwa yibo bobabili ozakwethu etafuleni. Nokho, ukukhuluma ngalezi ngokukhululekile nangokukhululekile akulula. Kungenzeka ukuthi awazi nhlobo ukuthi amaphethini athile okuziphatha aqanjwa ubuthakathaka bakho nokungazethembi. Noma kungenzeka ukuthi uye wafaka ngaphakathi futhi wafaka ebhodleleni ubuthakathaka bakho ngendlela yokuthi awukwazi ukububona.
Ukwelapha ngenkulumo kungasiza ukuvula lawo maketango ovalo nokwesaba. Mhlawumbe. Ungase ube nezinkinga ezithile zokwethembana ezikuvimbela ekuxhumaneni nozakwenu ngokugcwele. Noma izenzakalo ezithile ezibuhlungu zingase zikwenze ukholelwe ukuthi ngeke uyithole injabulo yangempela ebuhlotsheni. Ngenxa yalokho, awuzigodli futhi awuceli lokho okudingayo kodwa uyaqhubeka nokungeneliseki ngobuhlobo bakho.
Umelaphi oqeqeshiwe angakwenza ubhekane nalokhu kwesaba okucashile futhi akufundise ukuthi ungazidlulisela kanjani kumlingani wakho ngokucacile futhi ngaphandle kokuzidelela.
4. Ukukhipha umoya okunempilo
Iningi lethu linokuthile okulindelwe okungafezeki ebudlelwaneni bethu noma libheka izici ezithile njengezingafiki emqondweni. Kodwa-ke, ezimweni eziningi izithandani zibhekana nakho 'ngonxantathu' - okusho ukuthi ziphumela kumuntu wesithathu (umngane oseduze noma ingane yakubo) ngalezi zinkinga, bese-ke, babuyela ebhizinisini njengenjwayelo ebudlelwaneni babo. Nakuba ukungenisa umoya kunempilo, akusizi ngalutho uma wena nophathina wakho ningazi ukuthi abanye bakubukani 'njengezinkinga' noma 'izindawo zezinkinga'
Enye yezinzuzo ezibalulekile zokwelapha inkulumo ukuthi ikufundisa ukuthi nithululelana kanjani ngaphandle kokucasula noma ukuvusa izingxabano. Lokhu-ke kuvula indlela yokukhula kobudlelwano. Ngaphandle kwalokho, umelaphi unokuqeqeshwa okukusiza ukuthi ucubungule, uhlaziye, futhi uqondise imicabango yakho ngendlela efanele - into umngane angase ayintule.
5. Ukubeka ingqophamlando yobudlelwano
Nakuba kubalulekile ukuphila esikhathini samanje futhi uhlanganyele sonke isikhathi sokuhlangana ne-SO yakho, ukuhlela ikusasa nakho kubalulekile ngokulinganayo. Ikakhulukazi, uma usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele, besikhathi eside. Nokho, imibono ehlukene yokuthi ikusasa lenu ndawonye kufanele libukeke kanjani ingaba yiphuzu elibuhlungu.
Esimweni esinjalo, amasu okwelapha ngokukhuluma angasetshenziswa ngempumelelo ukuqeda ukucindezeleka nokuthola indawo ephakathi nendawo. Kusukela ekushadeni kuya ekubeni nezingane, ukuhlela ezezimali , umsebenzi uma uqhathanisa nezinqumo zobudlelwano, amalungiselelo okuphila, okulindelwe ekusondeleni - uchwepheshe wezokwelapha oqeqeshiwe angakusiza ukuthi usebenze ezindaweni eziningi ukuze ubeke izigaba zobudlelwano ezisebenza kahle kubo bobabili abalingani.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukwelulekwa Ngobudlelwano - Konke Okudingeka Ukwazi
6 Okuhlangenwe nakho Kwabashadikazi Ngokuthi Ukwelapha Ngenkulumo Okusize Ngayo Ubuhlobo Babo
Ingabe ubukugwema ukufuna usizo ukucabanga ukuthi ukwelashwa kuwukumosha isikhathi? Umuntu ongamazi angasiza kanjani esimweni lapho abantu ababili abazibophezele ebudlelwaneni bengakwazi. Ungase ufune ukucabanga futhi. Ukwelapha ngenkulumo kuzuzisa ozakwethu ngokubasiza babuke ikusasa lobudlelwano babo ngendlela engokoqobo.
Lezi zindaba zangempela zemibhangqwana engu-6 eyazuza ekwelashweni kwezingxoxo ziwubufakazi:
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Umyeni Wakho Uke Wahlola Ngokwemizwa? Izimpawu Eziyi-12 Zomshado Ohlulekayo
1. Ukuxazulula ukukhulumisana okubi
Ukwabelana kuka-Snigdha Mishra: U-Rajat no-Ayesha babechithe iminyaka eyi-10 ndawonye njengombhangqwana ojabulayo futhi bezibheka njengabangane abakhulu abanobuntu obuhlukile. Izindlela zabo zokuxhumana zazihlukile. Lokho kwaba iphuzu elibuhlungu ebudlelwaneni.
URajat wayengumuntu owayevalela ngaphakathi futhi engayivezi imibono yakhe kalula, kanti u-Ayesha wayehlanganyela imicabango yakhe futhi ekhuluma ngayo yonke into. Wayenomuzwa wokuthi nguyena owenze umsebenzi onzima ebudlelwaneni . Kusukela ekutholeni imigomo yokuphila kuya ekwenzeni izinqumo ezibalulekile nezingabalulekile. Wayezizwa engenamandla futhi ekhathazekile ngayo yonke imisebenzi ayenzile ebudlelwaneni.
U-Rajat wayevame ukuzizwa ehlulelwe futhi engaqondwa futhi 'enziwa ukuthi azizwe eyisimungulu' ngu-Ayesha. Ubukhali bakhe kanye nokubuka kwakhe umhlaba kumenze wangabaza ubuhlakani bakhe nokucabanga kwakhe okuphusile.
Okwabasiza ukuzibona benamandla abo ngabanye abawaletha ebudlelwaneni. Ngosizo lokwelapha ngenkulumo, baqala ukugxila emandleni njengabahlanganyeli ebuhlotsheni. Lokhu kwasiza ekuguquleni ukugxila ekushiyekeni njengamaphutha aphelele kuya kwezivimbela ekwakheni amakhono athuthukisiwe.
Ngaphandle kwalokho, baqala ukuthatha izindima ezingezona ezobulili futhi basusa ukucabanga okungokomzwelo kokuqeda imisebenzi. Noma ukuhlobanisa ukwenza okuthile nokushiyeka komlingani wabo. Kuthathe izinyanga eziyisi-6 zezikhathi zamasonto onke kanye namasonto amabili, kanye neholide elilodwa phakathi, ukulungisa izinto.
Ukwelashwa kokukhuluma kwabashadile kuyinkimbinkimbi ngoba kudinga umzamo oqhubekayo womuntu siqu kanye nombhangqwana ukuletha izinguquko ezisimeme. Noma yimuphi umelaphi omuhle usiza umbhangqwana ukuthi usebenzelane nemigomo emincane yansuku zonke, eyenziwa ibonakale futhi ilinganiseke, inikeze umbhangqwana ithemba nesisusa.
2. Ukulindela okungafani
UJoie Bose uyaxoxa: Ukukhuluma yizinto zokugcina ezenziwa umbhangqwana. Yilokho okuholela ekungaxhumani okukhulu. Kuhlala kumayelana nokuzikhukhumeza kanye nokungaxhumani kahle. Kumayelana nokungafinyeleli okulindelwe. Umbhangqwana owafika kimi wawubhekene nento efanayo.
Babenomshado ohleliwe futhi wonke umuntu wayefuna ukuthi babe nomntwana olandelayo. Kodwa intombazane yayingakakulungeli. Ngakho umshado wabo wawusemhlabathini oqinile. Indoda yathi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yenzani noma iyiphani, ayikaze yaneliseke. Ihlala ithukuthele.
Wayengazi ukuthi kungani engayifuni ingane kwazise kwakuyinhloso yomshado wabo lokho.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, inkosikazi yayinomuzwa wokuthi indoda izama ukumthengela uthando! Yingaleso sizathu engazange afune ukuba nengane. Kuthe uma bekhuluma ngayo kwavela ukuthi kowesilisa incazelo yokuba ngumyeni okwaziyo ukumnika bonke ubukhazikhazi. Njengoba ayengenakwazisa ngakho, wacabanga ukuthi ucasulwe nguye.
Lokhu akusoze kwavula umnyango wenhliziyo. Lokhu kwakungenye yezinkinga ezinkulu phakathi kwabo, phakathi kwezinye izinto eziningi. Sekudlule izinyanga eziyisikhombisa noma eziyisishiyagalombili befika kimi kuqala.
Njengokwesiphakamiso sami, bayaphuma bayozihambela lapho kungavunyelwe khona amagajethi. Bathola isikhathi esanele sokukhuluma nokuxhumana. Futhi yebo bangithumelela imibiko. Ngicabanga ukuthi ukwelapha ngenkulumo kwabasizile.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-8 Zokuthi Amadoda Alahlekelwe Yisithakazelo Kumakhosikazi Awo
I-3. Umlutha wobulili
UGopa Khan uyaxoxa: UMathew noMargaret babengomunye wabashadikazi abanjalo ababeze ukuzokwelulekwa ngabashadikazi. Babeshade iminyaka engaphezu kweyishumi, bengenabantwana futhi bobabili babenemisebenzi emihle. Kwakubukeka njengomshado ofanele njengoba bobabili babebonakala befanelana ngezindlela eziningi.
Kodwa-ke, uMathew wayenomlutha wocansi ofihliwe owaqala ngesikhathi esemusha kodwa akazange akuvume ngempela lokho. UMathew wayenenqwaba yezithombe zobulili ezingcolile namavidiyo njll. ayewabuka nsuku zonke. Lokhu kwathinta kakhulu impilo yomshado yalo mbhangqwana.
Kuphinde kwalimaza ukuzethemba nokuzethemba kukaMargaret.
Ukuphila kwabo okuseduze kwase kumile. UMathew wayebonakala enganakile ukuthi 'unenkinga' futhi wayengaqondi ukuthi kungani inkulu kangaka. 'Amadoda amaningi abuka amafilimu anesilinganiso sika-X' futhi wayengenazo 'izindaba' kwaba ukwenqaba kwakhe.
Izingxoxo zabo eziningi zingaholela ezingxabanweni ezinkulu. UMathew akazange ayibheke njengendaba 'yomlutha' njengoba aqala ukubuka amafilimu ocansi esemncane nabangane bakhe. Kwakubhekwa 'njengengxenye evamile yokukhula'.
Emaseshini, indlela ye-Imago yachazwa kumbhangqwana. Baqale bakubona kuwumfeketho ukuthi kumele baphindaphinde amazwi omunye ‘njengopholi’. Kodwa kancane kancane, bobabili baphoqeleka ukuthi bavule, bavume, baqinisekise umbono womunye nomunye ngaphandle kokuphazamisana.
Ngemva kwamaseshini ambalwa, bobabili bakwazi ukuthola isisombululo. UMathew wayebona ukuthi izenzo zakhe zazimthinta kanjani umngane wakhe womshado futhi wavuma ukulahla lonke iqoqo lakhe lezithombe ezingcolile zobulili. Uphinde wajoyina iqembu lezinyathelo ezingu-12 zokuluthwa ucansi ukuze avimbele ukuphindeka.
UMargaret noMathewu bakwazi ukuhlenga umshado wabo. Babika ukuthi sebeqalile ukulalelana futhi babekezelelana.
4. Ukwamukela ukudedelwa
UGopa Khan uphinde axoxe ngesinye isimo lapho ukwelashwa ngezingxoxo kwasiza khona lo mbhangqwana ukuphatha kangcono ukungaqiniseki kokuhlukana:
U-Rishi no-Meena babeze bezolulekwa izithandani. UMeena wayekulangazelela ukuthola isehlukaniso futhi athuthele edolobheni lakubo. Laba bashadikazi babenendodana eneminyaka engu-8 ubudala futhi bobabili babesondelene kakhulu nayo. URishi naye wayesondelene kakhulu nomkakhe emndenini. Ngakho, kwaba nzima kuye ukuvuma ukuthi umshado wakhe wawusuphelile.
URishi wayehlale ephakathi kwemisebenzi futhi engakwazi ukufaka isandla ngokwezimali ekuphathweni kwendlu, okwakuyisizathu esiyinhloko sokungqubuzana emshadweni wabo. Ngesikhathi laba bashadikazi bezolulekwa ngokwengqondo, base bebehlala ngokuhlukana iminyaka engaphezu kwemi-2. Noma kunjalo, uRishi walondoloza ukulingana okuhle nendodana yakhe nomamezala, owayehlala edolobheni elilodwa nomkakhe.
Wayevame ukubavakashela, adle nabo futhi achithe isikhathi nendodana yakhe. Kuthe uma bengena bezolulekwa, unkosikazi akabange esafuna ukuqhubeka nokuba sesikhundleni. URishi ubonakale enelisekile ngohlelo lwamanje. Wayesengaba nomndeni, etshalwe endodaneni yakhe kodwa abe yedwa njengesoka.
Izindlela zokwelulekwa ze-Imago zisetshenziswe kuseshini yezithandani lapho bobabili bekwazi ukucubungula imizwa yabo.
Kuthathe izikhathi ezimbalwa ukuthi uRishi avume ukuthi wayengeke akwazi ukuqhubeka ngendlela efanayo. Uphinde waqonda ukuthi isehlukaniso akusho ukuthi ngeke akwazi ukuqhubeka nokuba umngane nomkakhe futhi axhumane nomndeni womkakhe. Wakwamukela ukuthi kwakufanelekile ukuvumela umlingani wakhe ukuthi aqhubekele phambili futhi akhe impilo yakhe.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Abantu abangu-8 babelana ngalokho okwabhidliza umshado wabo
5. Imvume kanye nocansi emshadweni
Ukwabelana kwe-Kavita Panyam: Owesifazane osanda kushada weza ezolulekwa njengoba imibono ehlukene mayelana nemvume ocansini lomshado yayiba iphuzu elibuhlungu ebudlelwaneni bakhe. Ngobusuku bomshado wabo, umyeni wamphoqa futhi walala ngenkani. Kwamphatha kabi ukuthi akazange amcele imvume. Nokho, umbono wakhe wawuwukuthi ubulili nomkakhe kwakuyilungelo lakhe futhi angalufuna nganoma yisiphi isikhathi sosuku noma ebusuku, noma avele aluthole noma kanjani.
Wayedinwe yilesi simo sengqondo sobunikazi. Ngenza naye izikhathi ze-psychotherapy. Njengoba wayefuna ukuhlala emshadweni, ngamtshela ukuthi akakhulume nomyeni, alinde, abeke imingcele futhi angamvumeli ukuba enze ngendlela yakhe naye.
Wayesaba ukuthi lokhu kungaholela odlameni, njengoba indoda yayinesifiso esikhulu socansi futhi yayingenakukwamukela ukuthi cha. Kwathatha izikhathi ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuba iqunge isibindi sokukhuluma nayo. Wayeyidlulisela izinto ezixoxwa ngazo ekwelapheni. Ngezinye izikhathi wayephendula ngengqondo evulekile, ngezinye izikhathi wayethukuthela.
Cishe ngemva kweminyaka emibili, izinzuzo zokwelashwa kwenkulumo zingabonakala ngokucacile kulo mbhangqwana.
Kulokhu, bekubalulekile ukuthi bobabili abalingani baqonde ukuthi omunye uvelaphi. Mhlawumbe, umbono wakhe wawuthonywe isizinda sakhe, imfundo yakhe, indlela akhuliswe ngayo noma amathonya asebuntwaneni. Mhlawumbe la mathonya amenza wabona abantu besifazane njengezinto.
Kancane kancane, ukuthambekela kwakhe kokuziphoqa kuye kwancipha. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi, babe nezingane ezimbili. Kwamthatha iminyaka ecishe ibe mithathu ngaphambi kokuba lo mqondo wemvelo uzinze ngokuphelele futhi waba nobudlelwane obuhle. Bajabule ndawonye namuhla, futhi bahlanganyela umshado owanelisayo osekelwe ekuhloniphaneni nasemvumeni.
6. Ukuhlukumeza ngamazwi
U-Kavita Panyam uphinde wabelane ngesinye icala lapho ukuqhubeka nokuthukwa komyeni wakhe kwaphusha unkosikazi esimweni sokucindezeleka nokuthi ukwelapha ngenkulumo kwamsiza kanjani ukuba alawule impilo yakhe:
Umyeni wekhasimende akazange asondelane ngokomzimba wamtshela ukuthi yingoba wayemubi futhi wamthola enengwa. Wabonisa imithunzi yokuba i-narcissist futhi akazange aphuthelwe ithuba lokumbeka phansi. Ngenxa yalokho, ukuzethemba kwakhe kwaba nethonya elikhulu futhi wagcina esesesimweni sokucindezeleka.
Naphezu kwakho konke lokhu, wayefuna ukuthola indlela yokubuya futhi angamshiyi. Ngokuhlonipha ukukhetha kwakhe, ngamsiza ekubhekaneni nalokhu kuthambekela komshoshaphansi okwakuholela ekuhlukunyezweni kwengqondo. Lona wesifazane wayengunjiniyela we-IT oqeqeshiwe kodwa umyeni wakhe wamenza wayeka umsebenzi wakhe wokukhulisa izingane, wabe esemgcona ngokungaholi.
Ngakho, ukumenza abone ukubaluleka kokuzimela ngokwezimali kwakuyinto ehamba phambili. Ekugcineni, wathola enye indlela yokuthola imali futhi wasungula ibhizinisi lakhe. Wayefisa nokuya ocansini 'nokuthinta indoda' ngenxa yalokho wacishe wahileleka ebulilini obungaphandle komshado.
Ngamtshela ukuthi udinga ukwamukela ukuthi ukuxhumana - ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo - kuyashoda emshadweni wakhe futhi akhulume nomyeni wakhe ngakho. Wayelokhu ethi yingoba emubi futhi ekhuluphele. Yize wayeyimpandla enempandla elingana nosayizi.
Lokhu kwaqhubeka isikhathi esingangonyaka kodwa umkhuba wakhe wokuhlukumeza wehla ngosizo lwezindlela zokwelapha inkosikazi eyayizisebenzisa ekhaya. Ekugcineni, uvumile ukuthi ubezibambile ngoba ubengakwazi ukwenza ucansi.
Ngisho namanje, kukhona ukuntuleka kokusondelana ngokocansi emshadweni wabo. Akaqali ucansi, kodwa owesifazane usethole ezinye izindlela zokuzanelisa ngaphandle kokukopela. Noma nini lapho ekhungathekile, iseshini yokukhuluma ngokwamukela - njengoba kuyisinqumo sakhe ukuhlala emshadweni - iyasiza.
Lezi zigameko ezenzeka ngempela ziyaqhubeka zikhombisa ukuthi kuyinganekwane ukuthi ukwelapha kuwukumosha isikhathi. Kodwa-ke, ukuze uthole izinzuzo zokwelashwa kwenkulumo, kufanele ungene ngomqondo ovulekile futhi ungalindeli umphumela onqunywe kusengaphambili.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Yebo, ukwelashwa kungasiza ukwenza ubudlelwano bakho bube bubuhle futhi bube nempilo. Uma ucabangela ukuthula kwengqondo nomuzwa wokulondeka ongaletha empilweni yakho, ukwelapha kuyifanele ngempela imali.
I-Talk therapy ibizwa nangokuthi i-psychotherapy. Kuyisu elincike ekukhulumeni ngemizwa nemicabango ukuze uthole umbono ngezinto ebezihlupha umuntu.
Ukwelashwa kokukhuluma empeleni kumayelana nokuxazulula izinkinga noma izinkinga eziwumsuka ngokukhuluma ngazo. Kuye ngezimo nesimo sakho, umelaphi angase asebenzise amasu ahlukene ukuze enze impumelelo futhi akusize ukucubungula imizwa yakho.
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
