Ukuphuthuma ebudlelwaneni: umnyakazo osabekayo ovamise ukonakalisa into ekhetheke kakhulu nomuntu ongase abe umaqondana. Uma ungena ebudlelwaneni obusha, yonke into ibonakala ijabulisa. Ulangazelele ukufunda okwengeziwe mayelana nezinto ezithandwa nezingathandwa umlingani wakho, kukhona ukuxhumana, kunenhlansi, futhi konke kubonakala sengathi uthingo nokucwazimula. Ucabanga ukuchitha impilo yakho yonke unabo.
Kungenzeka ukuthi ucabanga ukuyohlala nomlingani wakho noma ngisho ukushada naye. Kodwa linda, thula isikhashana. Usunezinsuku ezimbalwa kuphela. Ungase ucabange ukuthi konke kuhle futhi kunengqondo ukuhlela ikusasa nabo, okungenani ekhanda lakho, kodwa ingabe isinyathelo esifanele? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi ujaha ukuzibophezela?
8 Izimpawu Ukuthi Uyajaha Ebudlelwaneni
Okuqukethwe
Ukuphuma konke ebudlelwaneni obusha kungase kubonakale kunothando kakhulu. Phela, ekuqaleni, yonke into iyajabulisa, futhi isigaba se-honeymoon sanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo singaba isivunguvungu sothando olunamandla. Ubona yonke into ngamalensi ane-rose-tinted, futhi uchitha isikhathi esiningi ndawonye ekuqaleni okukunika umuzwa wokuthi uyitholile.
Iqiniso liwukuthi ukuthandana kufana nokudla uphudingi omnandi. Kufanele ukunambitha futhi ujabulele konke ukulunywa. Uma ungazijabuleli izigaba ezihlukene zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni, uzifaka engozini yokunqamula amakhona ekwakheni isisekelo esiqinile lapho ubuhlobo obuhlala njalo busekelwe khona. Ngokujaha ukuvikela ikusasa nophathina wakho, ungabuqeda ubuhlobo ngaphambi kokuthi kwakhiwe kahle.
Nakuba uzizwa sengathi ubona i-soulmate kumlingani wakho, udinga ukugwema ukugijimela ebuhlotsheni. Uma uzibuza ukuthi uyaxhamazela noma cha, nazi ezinye izimpawu okufanele uzibheke:
1. Izinga lakho lokunethezeka nabo alikho ezingeni eliphezulu
Ingabe uvame ukuzithola uqapha izenzo zakho eduze komlingani wakho? Ingabe uvame ukuba ezinzwaneni zakho ukuze ube ekuziphatheni kwakho okuhle kakhulu? Uma uvuma ngekhanda yebo, kusho ukuthi uphuthuma ebudlelwaneni.
Esinye sezizathu ezinkulu zokuthi kungani ungalokothi ugijimele ebuhlotsheni yingoba awusoze wazi ukuthi ungaba kanjani ngempela phambi komlingani wakho. Lokhu kungase kubonakale ezintweni ezinkulu nezincane, kusukela ekungakwazini ukukhuluma okucabangayo kuye ngaso sonke isikhathi uhamba ibanga elide ukuze ubukeke kahle kakhulu ngenxa yokwesaba ukuthi umlingani wakho angacabanga ukuthi awuthandeki ngokwanele.
Ngaphandle kwalapho nike nabonana kubi kakhulu, izinsumpa nakho konke, futhi nikhethe ukunamathela, noma kunjalo, ningaqiniseka ukuthi nijaha ubudlelwano ngaphambi kokuba noyedwa wenu alungele ukungena.
Kwaba njalo ngoMartha noGeorge. UMarta waba nomuzwa wokuthi uGeorge wayeyindoda ephelele, futhi ukuze angalahlekelwa nguye, waqala ukuzenzisa. Wayezidedela izinto, angathukutheli, angakhumuli ngisho ne-lipstick. Ekugcineni, uGeorge waqala ukumthatha kalula, okwenza uMarsha waba nolaka nakakhulu. Bagcina benqume ukuhlukana.
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2. Ubudlelwano benu busekelwa yizisusa zobugovu
Kusukela ekufiseleni ukuncika ngokomzwelo kuye esidingweni esinamandla sokulondeka ngokwezimali, lapho abafana bezama ukugijimela ebudlelwaneni noma amantombazane athola umuntu ongabafanelekeli, ngokuvamile kusekelwa izisusa ezithile zobugovu.
Kukhona abantu abaningana abathandana nabobulili obufanayo laphaya, abangena ebudlelwaneni ukuze nje babe nendawo yokuhlala. Bese kuba nabantu abafuna imali kuphela. Kukhona nezimo zabantu abahlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Iqiniso liwukuthi, bonke bayathandeka kakhulu futhi bazokwenza usheshe ubudlelwano nabo.
Kodwa-ke, uma ubhekisisa, kuyohlale kukhona amafulegi abomvu acashile akutshela ukuthi azama ukusheshisa ubuhlobo ngezizathu ezingokomzwelo noma zezezimali. Udinga ukuqaphela lokhu noma imiphumela ingaba mibi. Kusukela ekulahlekelweni yimali kuye ekulahlekelweni ubuwena, ubuhlobo obunezisusa ezicashile bungakuqeda amandla okungaphezu nje kwemizwelo yakho.
3. Omunye wenu uke wakhuluma ngothando ngaphambi kokuba wazi isibongo somunye
USamantha noJosh bahamba izinsuku ezintathu futhi bachofoza kahle kakhulu. Bobabili bezwa inhlansi futhi babona ukuthi bathanda ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. Nokho, uSamantha wagcina ngokuphahluka ethi “Ngiyakuthanda” kuJosh ekupheleni kosuku lwesithathu, futhi uJosh, ngeshwa, wabaleka ngokushesha.
Lesi sigameko singakwenza uzibuze ukuthi kungani abantu besifazane bejaha ukuya ebudlelwaneni, kodwa kungenzeka kunoma ngubani. Abantu bavame ukudida ukuthatheka nothando bese bephonsa ibhomu elingu-L ngaphambi kokuba bathole ithuba lokwazi okuthile ngomunye umuntu.
Ukuthi 'Ngiyakuthanda' ngokushesha kungaba yinhlekelele. Ngisho noma uzizwa ukhangwa kakhulu ngumlingani wakho ongase abe khona, qiniseka ukuthi uyathandana ngaphambi kokushesha ubudlelwano.
4. Ukwabelana ngokwedlulele yonke imininingwane emincane kuwumkhuba
Kungani ukugijimela ebudlelwaneni kubi? Hhayi-ke ngoba ugcina usuthemba umuntu ngaphambi kokuthi uthole ithuba lokumazi, agcine esesizakala ngawe.
Uma uhlangana nomuntu omusha futhi ungamthandisisi, ubungeke umethembe ngezimfihlo zakho, akunjalo? Uzoba nezinkinga zakho. Pho kungani ungamethemba kangaka umuntu ngoba nje ukhangwa nguye? Zisezintsha, futhi azikakufanelekeli ukwethenjwa nguwe ngokuphelele.
Ukwabelana ngayo yonke imininingwane emincane kuwuphawu oluthusayo lokujaha ubudlelwano, ngoba ungase ucabange ukuthi ungabethemba, futhi umlingani wakho angase agcine ekuphatha kabi noma ekukhanyela ngegesi njengoba kuvumelana naye ukuze akugcine ekulawuleni kwakhe.
5. Ukhuluma ngokuba yi-exclusive maduzane
Masibhekane nakho, siphila ekhulwini lama-21, futhi wonke umuntu uvunyelwe ukuthatha isikhathi sakhe, ahlangane ngaso sonke isikhathi, abone ukuthi kuyasebenza, bese kuba yedwa. Asidingi ukufuna ukuzibophezela ngemva kwezinsuku ezimbalwa zokuqala.
Kuwukulindela okuphusile ukuhlehlisa ukuhluka kuze kube yilapho ususungule ileveli ethile yokunethezeka futhi uzizwe uqinile ngomunye nomunye. Uma uyijabulela ngempela inkampani yothile, ungafuna ukuthi leyo nkampani ibe nawe kuze kube phakade. Nokho, ingabe uke wathula wacabanga uma bezizwa ngendlela efanayo? Kuthiwani uma bedinga indawo nesikhathi?
Uma ufuna ukugwema ukushesha ebudlelwaneni, yeka zonke lezo zingxoxo zokukwenza kube okukhethekile ngosuku lwesihlanu bese uthatha kancane. Yazisa umlingani wakho ongaba khona futhi uzinike isikhathi sokumazi kangcono. Bheka izimpawu zokuthi usukulungele ubuhlobo obukhethekile , ngaphambi kokuthatha leso sinyathelo.
6. Nixoxa ngekusasa ningakahlangani ngisho nabangane babo
UKeith noCarla basanda kungena ebuhlotsheni. Bawushaya kahle kanti nenhlansi yayikhona impela. Kodwa-ke, uCarla waba bucayi kakhulu ngokushesha kakhulu. Ekhanda lakhe, uKeith 'wayenguye'. Okubanjiwe ukuthi base benenyanga kuphela ebuhlotsheni futhi uKeith wayengenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi wayengakaze amethule uCarla kubangani bakhe.
Ukholwa noma ungakholwa, lolu wuphawu lwakudala lokujaha ubudlelwano. Yisho ukuthi ukhangwa umlingani wakho futhi ukholelwa ukuthi bafana nawe, futhi uzibone ushada naye ngelinye ilanga. Kodwa ingabe baqiniseka ngokufanayo ngawe?
Umlingani wakho angase angaphenduli emicabangweni yakho. Bangase bafune ukuthatha isikhathi sabo ekwakheni ubuhlobo obuqinile, futhi leyo yindlela engcono kakhulu kunokugijimela ebuhlotsheni.
Uma vele ninezingxoxo zokuthi nifuna ukushada kuphi nokuthi nizoba nezingane ezingaki nomlingani wakho, yima kancane, thola iseluleko kumuntu omaziyo, thatha kancane, ungajahi ukungena ebudlelwaneni.
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7. Ufunda izinto ezintsha ngabo futhi ushaqekile ngakho
U-Joey wawa ekhanda phezu kwezithende othandweni no-Lorelai. Kangangoba wayeqiniseka ukuthi wayemazi ngaphakathi ngaphandle ngoba nje bahlala futhi baxoxa ubusuku obumbalwa. Ngesinye salezo zikhathi, uJoey washo okuthile edlala, u-Lorelai wacasuka waphonsa inkomishi yakhe yekhofi odongeni. Akudingekile ukusho, uJoey wayeshaqekile.
Esinye sezizathu ezinkulu zokuthi kungani ungalokothi ugijimele ebuhlotsheni yingoba ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi umazi kahle umlingani wakho, kodwa awumazi. Ungazazi izingxenye ezinhle kodwa ngeke wazi ukuthi zinjani uma zithukuthele, zicasukile, zisengozini noma zilimele.
Yebo, kunenjabulo ethile yokuthola izinto ezintsha ngomunye nomunye, futhi ungase ujabule ukuthola ukuthi umlingani wakho uyingxenye yama-Italian noma angakhuluma kahle isiFulentshi. Kodwa uma vele nixoxisana ngokuhlala ndawonye ngenkathi nisafunda lezi zinto ngomunye nomunye, khona-ke niyaxhamazela ebuhlotsheni benu.
8. Obunye ubudlelwano bakho buthathe isihlalo esingemuva empilweni yakho
UCassandra wathinteka uthando lapho ehlangana noBlake, futhi kungazelelwe, impilo yakhe yonke yayizungeza kuye. Kangangoba uthando lwakhe ngesoka lakhe asanda kulithola lwamthatha sonke isikhathi futhi abangani bakhe bayeka ukuzihlalela nalo. Ingabe ukufunda lokhu ngokuzumayo kukwenze wabona ukuthi abangani bakho sekunesikhathi eside bengakufoneli? Lokho, khona lapho, kuwubufakazi bokuthi abantu abaningi, ikakhulukazi abesifazane, bavame ukugijimela ebuhlotsheni futhi babenze impilo yabo yonke.
Isikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni sibalulekile kodwa ukujaha ukuba munye kukukhipha ithuba lokufinyelela ezingeni lokududuzeka lapho ungakha khona isikhala esanele sokuba bobabili abalingani bachume njengabantu ngabanye. Kungani abesifazane bejaha ukuba munye, ubuza? Kungenxa yokuthi bayehluleka ukubona lutho ngaphandle kothando lwabo futhi konke okunye kuthatha indawo yangemuva.
Uma ukufunda lezi zimpawu kukulethe ekuqapheleni, "Ngicabanga ukuthi ngiphuthuma ebuhlotsheni bami, kodwa angikwazi ukuzibamba, ngiyabathanda ngempela", khona-ke udinga ukufunda lezi zizathu ezi-5 zokuthi kungani ungajahi ubuhlobo.
5 Izizathu Okungafanele Ujahe Ebudlelwaneni
Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani ungabujahi ubudlelwano. Ngaphandle kwe-stress izokufaka phakathi, izophinde ixake isithandwa sakho ikushiye ungashadile ungakacabangi nokumbiza ngokuthi 'bhoo'. Ngaphandle kokuthi uzozikhandla ngokweqile ebudlelwaneni, ungase ulahlekelwe yinhlansi noma ungalokothi ube nethuba lokwakha ukuxhumana okuqinile nomlingani wakho.
Imvamisa, okubi kakhulu ukuthi awuboni ukuthi ugijimela ubudlelwano. Phela, yonke into ibonakala iphelele uma uqala ukuthandana nomuntu ofuna ukumsiza kakhulu ngokuchitha umzuzwana ngamunye ucabanga ngomlingani wakho noma ukuba naye.
Uma kuzwakala kumnandi kakhulu, ukweqa ama-hoops ambalwa kungase kubonakale kungenangozi nhlobo, ngaphandle uma kungenjalo. Nazi izizathu ezi-5 zokuthi ungajahi ubudlelwano:
1. Omunye wenu uzogcina enesithukuthezi ngokushesha
Uma uphuthuma ebudlelwaneni, kungenzeka ukuthi omunye wenu uzokhathala ngemva kokuba uthando luphelile. Uma ningenazo izizathu ezanele zokuzwana, ningase niphelelwe yizizathu ezinigcina nithandana uma isikhathi somshado sesiphelile.
Izingxoxo zingase zingasathakazelisi futhi inhlansi ingase ivele iphele. Kuzogcina kuholele ekujuleni kwenhliziyo futhi akekho ofuna lokho. Ukuze uzisindise kubo bonke lobu buhlungu, gwema ukugijimela ebudlelwaneni.
2. Umlingani wakho angase abe ngumuntu ongakaze ucabange ukuthi angaba nguye
Ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho yilo muntu omnandi, onakekelayo, onothando. Kodwa lapho ukuhamba kuba nzima, izinhlangothi ezingathandeki ebuntwini bazo zingase zibuyisele ikhanda labo elibi. Ungase uqaphele ukuthi baba nobudlova lapho becasukile, noma bangase babe uhlobo olunomona nokulawula ngokweqile.
Khumbula isigameko sikaJoey no-Lorelai ekuqaleni kwesihloko? Impela lokho. Ungase ucabange ukuthi wazi umuntu kahle ngoba uchithe ubusuku obumbalwa obugcwele ubungozi, kodwa kuningi ngomuntu ongeke ukwazi maduzane.
Ukwazi umuntu ngaphakathi kudinga isikhathi esiningi nomzamo, futhi akukho ndlela elula yokwenza lokho. Lapho abafana bezama ukushesha ebudlelwaneni noma amantombazane engawunaki ama- red flags asobala , ekugcineni bayaqaphela ukuthi abalingani babo bangase babe nobuhle obungajwayelekile futhi lokho akupheli kahle.
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3. Umlingani wakho angase azizwe ecindezelekile futhi abaleke
Ungase uzizwe sengathi ubona ngempela ikusasa nomlingani wakho, njengoba nje uJessica azizwa nesoka lakhe uMark. Noma kunjalo, wayelokhu ecindezela uMark ukuba aveze indlela azizwa ngayo futhi waze wamphoqa ukuba ashade naye. Lokhu kwamthusa uMark futhi wahlukana naye.
Kulula, ikakhulukazi kwabesilisa, ukuzizwa benengcindezi ebudlelwaneni. Kubashiya bezibuza ukuthi kungani abantu besifazane bejahe ukungena ebudlelwaneni? Kodwa-ke, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi owesilisa noma owesifazane, ukugijimela ebuhlotsheni ngokuqinisekile kuzofaka ingcindezi kumlingani wakho, okungabenza bazizwe becindezelekile futhi befuna ukubaleka.
4. Uzozicindezela kakhulu
Unezinto eziningi okufanele uziphathe empilweni. Umsebenzi, abangani, umndeni, ikhaya, njll. Ukungena ebudlelwaneni obusha kufanele kukwenze uzizwe uqabulekile futhi ujabule. Uma uphuthuma ebudlelwaneni, ungase uzicindezele ngoba oyedwa noma nobabili kungenzeka ukuthi abakakulungeli ubudlelwano nokuzibophezela, futhi lokho akukuhle neze. Futhi ukungena ebudlelwaneni obusha kudinga isikhathi, amandla nokuzibophezela.
Uma uphuthuma ebudlelwaneni, kuzodingeka ubeke isikhathi esengeziwe namandla ukuze ungabadedeli futhi ubagcine empilweni yakho. Lokhu ngeke nje kukuphathe kabi, kodwa futhi kuzothinta nomlingani wakho. Kungani ukugijimela ebudlelwaneni kubi? Ngoba kushintsha ukugxila kwakho konke ebuhlotsheni bakho, okuholela ekucindezelweni okuningi, ingcindezi kanye nokungezwani. Ubungeke ufune ukwenza lokho kuwe.
5. Ungagcina ungashadile ngokuphindaphindiwe
Uma uphuthuma kakhulu ebudlelwaneni, wena noma isithandwa sakho nizozwa isidingo sokubuqeda ngokushesha okukhulu. Uyazi ukuthi kuqeda amandla kanjani ukuthola into ocabanga ukuthi ikulungele, ukutshala imali yakho kuyo, bese uqaphela ukuthi akuyena umuntu obucabanga ukuthi unguye. Futhi ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, uzohlukana.
Ekugcineni, uzobe ubambekile ochungechungeni lokuthola umuntu, ugijime naye, umxake noma udinwe wena futhi uhlukane noma ulahlwe. Ukuze ugweme ukunamathela kulo mjikelezo, ungajahi ukungena ebudlelwaneni.
Kungase kube nezizathu eziningi zokuthi ukholelwe kumlingani wakho futhi ukuthathe ngokusemandleni akho, ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Nakuba udinga ukwazi ukuthi isikhathi esiningi, ngeke kusebenzele wena futhi kuzokushiya udangele futhi udangele. Ukuze ugweme lokho, gwema ukugijimela ebuhlotsheni. Thatha isikhathi sakho ukuze wazi umlingani wakho. Khumbula, ukunensa kuyathandeka!
17 Imithetho Engabhaliwe Yokuqomisana Sonke Kufanele Siyilandele
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
