Ukukhukhula Kwemizwa: Kusho Ukuthini Ebudlelwaneni?

Lapho unengxoxo ecindezelayo, uqala ukuzwa imizwelo engaphakathi kuwe ithuthuka. Uyazama ukubalawula, sebenzisa ingqondo yakho ehluzekile, futhi udlule esimweni kodwa imizwa iyagubha ngaphakathi kuwe. Ekugcineni, uzwa amazwi eqondiswa hhayi ngemicabango yakho, kodwa imizwa. Wake waba sesimweni esinjalo? Uma kunjalo, khona-ke uke wahlangabezana nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo.

Njengoba kuyisimo lapho uzithola ungakwazi ukulawula ukusabela kwakho esigamekweni esivusa inkanuko, kungase kube nomthelela omubi ebudlelwaneni bakho bothando. Udidekile ngokuthi kusebenza kanjani ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni nokuthi ungakunqanda kanjani?

Ngosizo lwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uPragati Sureka (MA ku-Clinical Psychology, amakhredithi ochwepheshe avela eHarvard Medical School), ogxile ekubhekaneni nezinkinga ezifana nokuphathwa kwentukuthelo, izinkinga zobuzali, umshado ohlukumezayo, nongenalo uthando ngezinsizakusebenza zamakhono angokomzwelo, ake sibheke konke okudingeka ukwazi ngale ndaba.

Kuyini Ukukhukhula Kwemizwelo?

"KwakungoLwesithathu kusihlwa okucindezelayo futhi ngangijahe umnqamulajuqu. Ngabuza umyeni wami ukuthi angakwazi yini ukulungisa isidlo sakusihlwa, waphawula ngokubhuqa ngokuthi ngimkhulisela kanjani ekhaya. Lokho kwangicasula kakhulu futhi ngaphendula ngokuthi nginomsebenzi kanjani futhi angasiza okungenani. Emangele, waqala ukuvikela ukuphawula kwakhe wathi ngangisabela ngokweqile. Ngaleso sikhathi, konke kwaba nengxabano, kwaba nengxabano futhi kwaba nengxabano. futhi angizange ngikhulume kwaze kwaba ngakusasa ekuseni,” kusho uNicole, ummeli webhizinisi oneminyaka engu-29.

Uma okuhlangenwe nakho kukaNicole kukushaya kakhulu engqondweni yakho, uke wabhekana nokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo. Okuvame ukuvela ezimweni lapho umuntu oseduze nawe engase asho into engathandeki noma ecasulayo, ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo akuyona into engavamile futhi kungaholela emiphumeleni engakhululekile nengadingeki, njengokucasuka ebuhlotsheni.

Ngeke kuthathe isikhathi eside ukuqagela ukuthi igama elithi “ukukhukhuleka kwemizwa” lisho ukuthini. Empeleni, kuyisimo lapho imizwa emibili noma ngaphezulu - noma enamandla kakhulu - ivusa ukusabela okunamandla ngaphakathi kuwe kangangokuthi uzizwa ukhungathekile yikho. Ngokuvamile kuhlotshaniswa nemizwa engemihle kanye nezimo ezinzima, ukukhukhuleka kwemizwa kuholela ezenzweni zakho eziqondiswe imizwa yakho, hhayi imicabango yakho enengqondo.

Leli gama laqala ukuxoxwa ngalo emibuthanweni yezemfundo ekuqaleni kwawo-90 lapho uDkt. JM Gottman eshicilela iphepha locwaningo elixoxa ngezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo kanye nokuxhumana kwazo nokuhlukana komshado kanye nokuzinza. Kwabo abathanda isayensi, incazelo kaGottman ngezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo, ebizwa nangokuthi i-Diffuse Physiological Arousal, iyimpendulo yesimiso sezinzwa esinozwela ekucindezelekeni, ekuqaleni eyayenzelwe ukusixwayisa ngengozi futhi isisize sisabele ngokushesha ngokuzivikela.

Izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo zikwenza uzizwe ukhungathekile, zivuselele impi yakho noma impendulo yokubaleka futhi zivumele imizwa yakho ilawule izenzo zakho. Echaza lokhu, uPragati uthi, “Ngokuyisisekelo, izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo yilapho ukhungethwa yizigameko noma izimo. Isibonelo, uma umuntu esaba ukuphakama futhi ebheka phansi esendaweni ephakeme kakhulu, uyaphazamiseka, akunjalo? Bayakhukhuleka ngokomzwelo. Abanye bangase bangakuboni njengento enkulu, kodwa labo abesaba ukuphakama bangase bangakwazi ukulawula ukusabela kwabo kulesi sikhuthazo.

"Izikhathi eziningi, izikhukhula ngokomzwelo zenzeka ngenxa yezinto ezibangela ukucindezeleka lapho umuntu ecabanga khona ngezinto ezidlule ezamshiya nophawu. Kanye nenkumbulo yalokho okuhlangenwe nakho kuza nemizwa ekhungathekisayo eba nzima kakhulu ukuyisingatha. Ngenxa yalokho, ubuchopho bakho buya kwimodi yokusinda. Ubuchopho bethu bezilwane ezihuquzelayo buthatha izintambo, futhi ingxenye yobuchopho bethu yokuxazulula izinkinga iyama ngokuphelele ngoba sesingene kwimodi yokusinda. Futhi kungenye yezizathu ezenza izimo ezithile ziveze ubudlelwano obungenampilo kobunenhlonipho nobunempilo."

I-psychology egcwele izikhukhula ingase ikusize uqonde ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho enze okuthile ngesikhathi ungakulindele, noma kungani engabonakali ekwazi ukuxoxa nawe ngaleyo nto eyodwa. Ake sihlolisise izimpawu zokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo nokuthi kwenzekani phakathi nakho.

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Kwenzekani Phakathi Nezikhukhula Zemizwelo?

Njengoba sixoxile ngenhla, izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo zingayiqeda imicabango yakho futhi zivuse impendulo yokusabela. Nokho, kanye nokucwiliswa kwengqondo yakho, izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo nazo zibonakala ngokomzimba, ngaphakathi emzimbeni wakho. Cabanga ngazo zonke izinto ezenzeka emzimbeni wakho lapho ucasulwa othile: ukuphefumula kwakho kuba nzima, umfutho wegazi wakho ungase unyuke, futhi uzwe igazi ligijima ekhanda lakho.

Izikhukhula zomzwelo zithatha konke ukusabela futhi kukhahlele phezulu. UDanielle oneminyaka engu-24 ongumklami uthi: “Lapho mina nomngane wami sixabana kakhulu, ngezinye izikhathi ngiqala ukushaywa umoya kakhulu.

Echaza ngengxabano nomyeni wakhe, uNicole uyanezela, "Ikhanda lami laqala ukuba namandla futhi ngezwa igazi ligeleza emithanjeni yami. Inhliziyo yami yayishaya kakhulu ngezwa ijubane layo esifubeni sami."

UPragati uthi, “Siyaphazamiseka, asikwazi ukuziqonda, noma ukuqonda izenzo zethu. Singagcina sizibuza ngezinto ezinjengokuthi, “Kungani ngizizwa nginemizwa kangaka kulesi simo, kungani ngingakwazi ukulawula indlela engisabela ngayo?” Ngenxa yalokho, ungagcina uvumela imizwa yakho ikunqobe futhi ungase uqale ukubonisa ukungabi nenhlonipho ebudlelwaneni.

Ukusabela okunjalo komzimba kungase kuzwakale ngaphandle lapho kunesiqephu sokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo. Emzimbeni wakho, izinso zakho zikhiqiza ama-hormone okucindezeleka, imithambo yakho iminyene, izindlala ze-adrenal zikhiqiza i-adrenaline, kanti i-noradrenalin, isibindi sakho sithumela ushukela egazini lakho futhi igazi elifika ebuchosheni bakho liyagcinwa noma liphakeme. Ngakho, ngokusobala, izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo azithinti nje ingqondo yakho kodwa futhi nomzimba wakho.

Yiziphi Izimpawu Zokukhukhuleka Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni?

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi usothandweni noma cha, izibonelo ezikhukhulayo zemizwa zonke zisebenza ngendlela efanayo. U-Pragati uthi, "Ezinye zezimbangela ezivamile zokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni zingamazinga aphezulu okucindezeleka. Uma uhlala ucindezelekile, uzobhekana nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo eziningi. Futhi ukukhushulwa ngokomzwelo njalo akusona isimo esinempilo okumelwe ube kuso. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuthi wenze imikhuba eminingi yokucabangela, ukuphefumula okujulile, nokubhala izindaba."

Kodwa, ungasibona kanjani ngempela isikhathi sokukhukhumala ngokomzwelo? Ingabe zikhona izimpawu ezingokomzwelo noma zomzimba? Uma kunjalo, zibukeka kanjani? I-Pragati ikusiza ukuphendula yonke imibuzo yakho.

1. Ukuntuleka kokugxila kanye nokwakha imicabango ehambisanayo

Uma uhlangabezana nemicabango nemizwa ongakwazi ukuyilawula, kuzwakala sengathi awukwazi ukukhiqiza umcabango oqondile. “Isibonakaliso sokuqala sokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo yilapho ulahlekelwa ngokuphelele ukugxila ngenxa yemizwa ekhungathekisayo. Awukwazi ukucabanga nhlobo ngoba ngokwengqondo, ubuchopho bakho buma. Uzizwa uhoxa engqondweni njengoba uzizwa sengathi awukwazi ngisho nokucubungula izinto ezenzekayo eduze kwakho,” kusho uPragati. Ungase ufinyelele kulesi sigaba kaningi uma kuzwakala sengathi yonke ingxoxo ebuhlotsheni bakho iphenduka impikiswano.

2. Imizwa enyakazayo

Esinye sezizathu zokuthi kungani ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kungaba yingozi kakhulu ukuthi isiqephu sokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo ngokuvamile sihlanganisa imizwa eshintsha ngokuphelele ngesikhathi esifushane kakhulu. Pragati uthi: “Ungase uzizwe uguquguquka njenge-pendulum emizwelweni yakho, ungase uzizwe uthukuthele kakhulu, bese kuthi kungazelelwe uzizwe ukhathazeke kakhulu.” Ngokuyisisekelo kuyindlela yokulwa noma yokundiza.

3. Izimpawu ezingokomzimba zokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo

“Ungase ubone izimpawu ezingokomzimba njengokuthi ubuso bakho bubomvu tebhu, ukushaya kwenhliziyo yakho kuyanda, futhi uzozwa ubuhlungu enhliziyweni yakho. Ezinye izimpawu ezivame ukubikwa ezithinta inhliziyo zihlanganisa ukuzwa okuqinile esiswini, ukuthola kunzima ukuphefumula, kanye nokuphazamiseka kwenkulumo.

Ukukhukhula Kwemizwa Kujwayelekile

Into okufanele uyikhumbule ngaphezu kwakho konke ukuthi ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo kuyinto evamile. Yebo, kungase kube nezimo ezithile ekuphileni kwakho lapho ungase ube sengozini yokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo, kodwa empeleni kuyingxenye yokwakheka kwethu kokuziphendukela kwemvelo komzimba - ukusabela okungokwemvelo ezinsongweni, ezifakwe kithi ukuze sizisindise.

UPragati uchaza ukuthi nakuba ukuhlala ugcwele ngokomzwelo kuyinto engemihle, ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo kungabhekwa njengokujwayelekile, noma okuhle ezimweni ezithile, njengoba nje izingxabano ebuhlotsheni zingabhekwa njengezinhle . “Ngezinye izikhathi kwezengqondo, ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo kungasetshenziswa njengendlela yokukusiza ululame emizweni emibi ecindezelwe ngokuyibangela engqondweni yakho engaphansi kwengqondo. Ukukusiza ubhekane nanoma yimiphi imizwa nokwesaba okucindezelwe ongase ube nakho.

“Kuphinde kube nezindlela ezinhle zokubuka ukukhushulwa kwemizwelo.” Ake sithi, ngokwesibonelo, ubuka ifilimu bese kungazelelwe ugcwale imizwa yokushisekela izwe, noma uma ubuka umdlalo owuthandayo futhi ushanelwe isikhashana somdlandla ngaphandle kokuqaphela ngempela ukuthi ubhekene nani. 

“Ngakho-ke, akusona nje isenzakalo esibi.Kumelwe siqaphele ukuthi ukukhushulwa ngokomzwelo kwenzeka njalo kubantu.Ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo kuba inselele lapho umuntu engakwazi ukubhekana nomuzwa okhungathekayo wemizwa engemihle engase iphakame.Isibonelo, usizi, ubuhlungu, umhawu, noma intukuthelo.Kulapho usabela kabi kakhulu, lapho uhluleka ukulawula izinzwa zakho, uhluleka ukuzibamba, uhluleka ukuzibamba. ukusabela kwakho okungekuhle ukuthi kuba yinkinga.”

Ukuhlukumezeka kwezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo kungase kube nzima ngokukhethekile ukuba amadoda abhekane nakho, njengoba isimo sengqondo esivamile mayelana nemizwa ecindezelayo senza kube nokwenzeka ukuthi babone ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo njengento engalungile noma engenasici. Ngokwenza iqiniso lokuthi sonke sidinga ukubhekana nemizwelo yethu, singakwazi ukusiza abanye ukuba basabele kangcono ezimweni zokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo.

Ucwaningo olwenziwa uDkt. Gottman lubonise ukuthi amadoda athambekele kakhulu ekubeni nezikhukhula ngokomzwelo kunabesifazane. Ngaphandle kwalokho, wonke umuntu uyayazi indima edlalwa ubudoda maqondana nabesilisa abakhombisa imizwa. Ngokuthambekela emadodeni ukungazinaki nokucindezela imizwelo, akumangalisi ukuthi le mizwa iqhume esiqeshini sokukhukhula kwemizwelo.

Yini Ebangela Isiqephu Sokukhukhuleka Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni?

"Isizathu sokuthi sikhulume ngokukhukhuleka kwemizwa ebudlelwaneni ukuthi ezikhathini eziningi, sicasuka kakhulu yizinto eziningi ezenzeka ebudlelwaneni bethu obuseduze . Kungase kube ngoba silindele ukuthi umuntu oyedwa asinikeze ukwesekwa, ubungane, uzwela, nakho konke okungaphansi kwelanga. Uma lokho kungenzeki, kungaholela ekukhukhulekeni kwemizwa."

"Izikhathi eziningi izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo ziyenzeka lapho omunye engakunaki izidingo zakho ngendlela ofisa ngayo. Esikubonayo ekwelapheni ukuthi ngokuvamile abantu abanjalo banokuhlukumezeka okuningi kwasebuntwaneni okungakacutshungulwa. Izikhathi eziningi bajwayele ukubuka into engaphandle kwabo elawula imizwa yabo yokujabula noma yokudabuka, "kusho uPragati.

Yiqiniso, isizathu sesiqephu sokuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo kungase kwehluke kuwo wonke umuntu, kodwa izici ezivamile ezifana nokuhlale ucindezelekile noma ukuba nemizwa ecindezelekile ecindezelekile ngokuvamile ziyimbangela. Sonke kufanele sibhekane nezimo ezinzima noma ezicindezelayo ngesikhathi esisodwa noma kwesinye, ngakho-ke amathuba okuba nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo angeke akhishwe kunoma ubani.

Kodwa-ke, uma ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima noma ungumuntu ozwelayo, maningi amathuba okuthi uhlangabezane nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo esimweni esicindezelayo. Abantu ababhekene nosizi noma ukulahlekelwa nabo basengozini enkulu kulokhu. Nazi ezinye izimbangela ezivamile ngemuva kwesikhukhula semizwa:

1. Ubudlelwano obunobuthi

Izikhukhula ngokomzwelo zivame ukuvela esimweni sokucindezeleka noma ukungakhululeki. Ukusabela esigamekweni esibuhlungu noma esinzima kungabangela izikhukhula ngokomzwelo. Izinselele zobudlelwano zingaba yimbangela yezikhukhula ngokomzwelo. Ucwaningo lwamuva mayelana nezikhukhula ngokomzwelo emishadweni lubonise ukuthi imibhangqwana emshadweni ocindezelekile noma enobudlova babalingani abaseduze isengozini enkulu yalo.

Ngakho-ke akumangazi ukuthi izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo zenzeka kaningi ebudlelwaneni obucindezelekile noma obunobuthi. Njengoba ukucindezela imizwa kuyindikimba evamile ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi lapho uhlala uhamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda eduze komlingani wakho, ukukhululwa kwemizwa evaliwe ngokuqhuma kwemizwa akuvamile. Ukucindezelwa kanye nokuqubuka kungase kube umjikelezo ononya, okungaholela ekukhoneni kwamatshe kanye nokuwohloka kobudlelwane.

2. Izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo ngemva kokungathembeki

Lapho ubhekana nokungathembeki, ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo kungaba yisithiyo ekubhekaneni ngokuphumelelayo nokubhekana nenkinga. Izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo ngemva kokungathembeki zingabangela imizwelo yakho ukuba idlule imicabango yakho enengqondo futhi ikhiphe imibono enonya, ekhokhisiwe kumlingani wakho. Njengoba uzizwa woniwe futhi ukhashelwe, ungase uvumele intukuthelo yakho - okuyimbangela evamile yokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo - ilawule ngisho ngokuzithandela, ukuze ukhulule futhi ubonise ukuthi ukukhashelwa kukuzwise kanjani ubuhlungu.

UDanielle ulandisa okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe, “Lapho ngizama ukudlula endabeni yomyeni wami, ngangivame ukuzithola ngigcwele intukuthelo nokukhashelwa.” Cishe inyanga yonke, kwakunzima ngami ukuba nezingxoxo ezihluzekile naye futhi ngimtshele ukukhungatheka kwami ​​noma nini lapho ngithola.

Ukunqotshwa ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo ngemva kokungathembeki kwenza kube nzima ngawe ukucubungula nokudlulisa. Kungaba ngcono ukugxila ekuboneni nasekulawuleni imizwa yakho. Uma usukwazi ukulawula imizwa nemicabango yakho, ukusingatha kwakho isimo kungaba ngcono hhayi okubi.

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3. Izikhukhula ezingokomzwelo kanye nokuwa ngamatshe

Uma umuntu esesimweni esibucayi kakhulu, ikakhulukazi ezindabeni eziphathelene nobudlelwano, ukuba nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo kungaholela ebangeni elikhudlwana kanye nezikhala zokuxhumana. Ukuqhuma kwakho kobuhlungu noma intukuthelo kungase kubonakale kubuhlungu okwamanje, kodwa lapho kwenzeka kakhulu, maningi amathuba okuthi umlingani wakho ayeke ukuzama ukuhileleka noma ukuxoxa nawe ngezindaba ezibucayi. Njengoba ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo kwanda, umlingani wakho angase ahoxise kakhulu, akubophe ukuze ubhekane nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo kanye nokuwa ngamatshe.

Ekhuluma ngendlela ukukhungatheka okungokomzwelo okwabuthinta ngayo ubuhlobo bakhe, uNicole uthi, “Ngemva kwempi yethu yokuqala mayelana nokupheka isidlo sakusihlwa, kwaba indaba ebucayi. Njalo lapho sixoxa ngakho, ngangimthethisa futhi kwakungaphethanga kahle. Ngemva kweziqephu ezimbalwa zokukhungatheka ngokomzwelo futhi engithethisa ngamatshe, mina nomyeni wami sakugwema ukuba nezingxoxo ezinde; ethi kungcono ukungaxoxi ngakho kunokuphinde silwe.”

Njengoba igama lisho, ukuvinjelwa ebudlelwaneni kwenzeka lapho umlingani wakho enqaba ukuxhumana ngokuphelele, ekuvala ngaphandle kwezinye izingxenye zokuphila kwakhe futhi engakubambi ezindabeni ezibucayi. Lokhu kuzosebenza njengesici esibangela ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo esikhathini esizayo, futhi into okufanele ixazululwe, okungcono kakhulu ekwelashweni, ngokushesha okukhulu.

4. Ukucindezela imizwa yakho

Ukucindezela imizwa yakho kungadala ukusalela emuva kwemicabango nemizwa ngaphakathi kuwe. Ngaphandle kokusabela kuzibangeli ezithile, lokhu kungase futhi kubangele ukuba ukhiphe konke ukukhungatheka okungaphakathi kanye nomthwalo ongokomzwelo kumlingani wakho ngesikhathi sengxabano ngesihloko esihluke ngokuphelele.

Lokhu akugcini nje ngokulimaza wena kuphela kodwa nobuhlobo bakho. “Kwakungathi ngibhajwe emjikelezweni, ngigwinya intukuthelo yami usuku lonke futhi ngiyikhipha yonke lapho ngikhuluma nomyeni wami ekupheleni kosuku,” kukhumbula uDanielle. Izimpawu ezikhukhulayo ngokomzwelo, ngenxa yalokho, ziyaqhubeka ziba zimbi kakhulu.

5. Izikhukhula njengethuluzi

Abantu abangahambisani nemizwa yabo bangase baphendukele ekukhukhuleni njengethuluzi, ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Lokhu kubonakaliswa kwezikhukhula kuyavela, ikakhulukazi kubantu okwathi eminyakeni yabo yokukhula babenganikezwa amathuluzi okuxazulula imizwa yabo futhi bavame ukushiywa yibo ababanakekelayo noma abazali babo. Njengoba sishilo, i-psychology ekhukhulayo yemizwa iyinkimbinkimbi.

Isayikholoji yesikhukhula, eyaziwa kangcono namuhla ngokuthi ukwelapha ngezikhukhula, iyindlela esetshenziswa ekwelashweni kwengqondo ukubhekana nezimbangela ezithile ezingabangela ukusabela kwemizwa. Ukwelapha ngezikhukhula empeleni kubuyisela emuva lokho okwenziwa yizikhukhula ezingokomzwelo emzimbeni nasengqondweni yethu, kusetshenziswa ukuchayeka ezicini ezicindezelayo ukuze kulungiswe futhi kubhekane nezinto ezibangisayo.

Nakuba lokhu kungase kubonakale kungenangqondo, le ndlela iye yasetshenziswa ezingxenyeni ezihlukahlukene zomhlaba emashumini ambalwa eminyaka adlule. Nakuba umuntu osebenzisa leli thuluzi ukuze abhekane nemizwa engase angaqapheli ubunkimbinkimbi besayensi yezokusebenza kwengqondo egcwele izikhukhula, usengakwazi ukuyibuka ngokuzenzakalelayo.

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Indlela Yokubhekana Nokukhukhuleka Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

Kuze kube manje, sesifunde ukuthi izingxoxo ezinzima zingaholela ekuvuvukeni kwemizwelo futhi zibangele ukukhukhumala ngokomzwelo. Esimeni esinjalo, kungcono ukukhomba lapho ingxoxo ibheke endaweni enolaka noma engenangqondo bese uhlaba ikhefu bese ubuyela kuyo kamuva. Nazi ezinye izinto ongazenza ukuze uzihlele futhi ubhekane nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo:

1. Gxila ekuphefumuleni kwakho

Ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo kwenzeka lapho imizwa yakho ivame ukunqoba ukucabanga kwakho okunengqondo, okubangela ukucabanga ngokweqile okuphithizelayo . Esinye sezimpawu ezivame kakhulu zomzimba zalokhu ukuphefumula okunzima noma okusheshayo. Ukunaka lo msebenzi womzimba olula noqhubekayo lapho singabhekana kangcono nezigameko zokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo.

"Into yokuqala futhi engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukuqala ukuphefumula. Qala ukuphefumula okujulile futhi ubambe umoya wakho uma uzwa sengathi uyakhuphuka. Noma uma ingxabano yakho ingalawuleki, okungcono kakhulu ongakwenza ukuphefumula," kusho uPragati.

Ukugxila ekuphefumuleni kwakho, nokuzama ukuphefumula kancane, ukuphefumula okujulile kungasiza kakhulu. Ukuphefumula okujulile kwenza ingxenye "yokuphumula nokugaya" yomzimba wakho (isimiso sezinzwa esine-parasympathetic), sikusize uphumule, ukwandisa ukugeleza kwegazi ezithweni zakho zangaphakathi, futhi kuqinise ukushaya kwenhliziyo yakho.

UNicole uthi: “Ngathola ukuthi ukuba nomkhuba wokuphefumula ngokugxilisa ingqondo kwangisiza ukuba ngibhekane nezimo ezicindezelayo, ikakhulukazi umyeni wami.

I-Pragati iphakamisa indlela evame ukusiza labo abaphakathi kwesikhukhula semizwa. "Enye indlela ongayizama indlela yokuqinisa umoya. Phefumula, ubheke izinto ezikuzungezile, bese uzama ukuzibhalisa engqondweni yakho. Bheka ukuthi umi kanjani phambi kwakho, ukuthi isikibha sakho sinjani, nokuthi umoya osebusweni bakho unjani. Ngokushesha, ungakwazi ukulawula imizwa yakho ngisho noma nixabene."

2. Thola imizwa yakho

Kuyiqiniso elaziwayo ukuthi ukuvuma nokuqamba imizwa yakho kungakusiza ukuthi uyicubungule kangcono futhi kunikeze ukulawula okwengeziwe phezu kwayo. Ucwaningo olwenziwe nguSolwazi we-UCLA uMatthew Lieberman kanye nozakwabo lubonise ukuthi ukubiza imizwa yakho emibi njengentukuthelo, ukudabuka noma ukwesaba kuyathulisa i-Amygdala, ingxenye yobuchopho esiza ukuchaza nokulawula imizwa.

Ngokukhomba imizwa lapho iqhuma, ungasiza ukuqeda ukuqina kwayo. Uma uthatha isikhathi esiningi ukubona ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, uzokuthola kangcono. Ekugcineni, ufinyelela esigabeni lapho imizwa yakho ingasakusabi kodwa ingxenye yokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwansuku zonke.

I-Pragati iphakamisa umsebenzi ongakusiza ukwazi ukubona imizwa yakho, “Uma ungumuntu ocindezeleka kakhulu futhi othambekele ekubeni nesiqephu esingokomzwelo, ukubhala ngejenali kungakusiza kakhulu uqonde izinkinga futhi ubone imizwa yakho.” 

3. Thatha ikhefu

Ukuzithobisa kuyithuluzi elidumile lokubhekana ngokuphumelelayo nezikhukhula zemizwa. Kuyini ukuzithoba? Nokho, lapho ubhekana nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo, umzimba wakho unokusabela okuningi komzimba, njengoba sixoxile ngenhla. Ukuze uphole futhi uxazulule leso simo sokuphila, abantu abaningi badinga imizuzu engama-20. Ukuthatha ikhefu nokwenza okuthile okuphumuzayo noma okuvuselelayo kungakusiza ukukukhipha esimeni. Okubalulekile ukuthi uchithe isikhathi ukuze uthobe i-psyche yakho, umzimba wakho, kanjalo nawe ngokwakho.

Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuziduduza iyahlukahluka kuye ngomuntu ngamunye. Ukuhambahamba ebhlokini nokubuka imvelo kusiza abanye abantu. Abanye banquma ukusebenzisa amandla abo komunye umsebenzi njengokubuka ividiyo ehlekisayo noma ukukhuluma nomngane, noma ukuchitha isikhathi esihle nomuntu abamthandayo. UPragati uchaza ukuthi ukuthatha ikhefu ngesikhathi sokukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kungaba njani, “Ngemva kokuba usuzibophezele ngokuphefumula kwakho, tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi udinga umzuzu wokuziqoqa wena kanye nemicabango yakho.

“Enye into engaba yinzuzo enkulu ukushiya isimo esidale isikhukhula ngokomzwelo kwasekuqaleni. Phuza amanzi, uthathe ikhefu bese uya endlini yokugezela, ufafaze amanzi ebusweni bakho futhi uzenze wehlise umoya. Khulumisana nawe, futhi ube nomusa kuwe. Ngokwesibonelo, uma ubona ingane iklabalasa enxanxatheleni yezitolo, uyoqala ngokufuna ukuthulisa ingane, nawe uzokwazi, nawe uzokwazi, nawe nje uzokwazi? unesineke kancane nawe."

4. Hlaziya imizwa yakho

Uma usuzinike isikhathi sokuzikhipha esimweni sokukhukhumala ngokomzwelo noma ube nesikhathi sokucabanga ngokuthi yini ebangele lokho, kuwumqondo omuhle ukuhlaziya imizwa oyitholile noma oyiqambile. Buza ukuthi kungani lowo muzwa wavela kulesi simo, futhi yini eyabangela ukuba ukhungatheke. Ngokucabanga ngokuthi yini ebangele lesi simo, ungahlukanisa imizwa futhi uqonde ukusabela kwakho. Lokhu kuyokusiza ukuba ubhekane nesimo kangcono noma nini lapho singase sivele ngokulandelayo.

Ekhuluma ngenqubo yakhe, uDanielle uthi, “Ngangizithola ngicasuka njalo lapho ngivula imiyalezo yomyeni wami ngoba ngase ngithole ukuthi ujola nomunye wesifazane.

I-5. Ukuzivocavoca

Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa nokuthi abantu abahlanganyela ekuzivocavoceni ngokomzimba futhi abajwayele ukubhekana nezimo ezijuluka kakhulu nezibangela ukucindezeleka banokumelana okukhulu nezikhukhula ngokomzwelo. Ukuzivocavoca kuyindlela enhle yokuqeqesha hhayi umzimba wakho kuphela kodwa nengqondo yakho ukubhekana nezimo ezingakhululekile.

Kwenyusa ikhono lomzimba wakho lokubhekana nokucindezeleka okwengeziwe futhi kungakusiza ukuba ubhekane nezimo ezinzima ezingokomzwelo. Ungazama futhi ukwenza ukuvivinya umzimba kube umsebenzi ojwayelekile eniwenza ndawonye nophathina wakho. Lokhu kuzokusiza nobabili ukuthi nisondelane futhi kuninikeze ithuba lokuxhumana kangcono.

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6. Yabelana nomlingani wakho

Kungaba isu elihle lokuxhumana nophathina wakho ezingxoxweni mayelana neziqephu zakho ezikhukhulayo emoyeni: izici ezibange lokho kanye nalokho ozizwayo ngokomzimba. Lokhu akukusizi nje kuphela ekuhlaziyeni isiqephu ngokucacisa kodwa futhi kubuthela othandekayo emizamweni yakho yokulwa neziqephu ezinjalo.

Ngakho-ke esikhundleni sokubambeka emjikelezweni wezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo nokuwa ngamatshe, sebenzisa ukuze udale umphumela ophambene. Izoveza imiphumela engcono ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ukwabelana ngolwazi lwakho ngezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo kungagxilisa umkhuba wokwabelana ngemizwa nokungakhululeki, okungadambisa lesi simo ngezinga elikhulu. Ukucwaninga okwengeziwe ngamasu okubhekana nokubhekana nawo nokuwahlelela ndawonye kuyithuluzi elihle lokuvimbela noma lokunciphisa iziqephu ezizayo.

Ngokuya ngokunethezeka kwakho, ukwelashwa kungasiza ukubhekana nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo futhi. Umelaphi noma umqeqeshi angakusiza ekuboneni imizwa yakho, ukuthi imaphi amaphethini aholela eziqephuni ezikhukhula namasu okubhekana nezimo ezithile. Ukuvakashela umelaphi nophathina wakho kungase futhi kumsize akuqonde kangcono imizwelo yakho. Ngokusebenza ndawonye, ​​anikwazi nje kuphela ukubhekana nezikhukhula ezingokomzwelo kodwa futhi nisondelane ebudlelwaneni benu.

Uma kuwukwelashwa okufunayo, iphaneli yochwepheshe bezokwelapha abanolwazi lweBonobology , okuhlanganisa nososayensi wengqondo uPragati Sureka uqobo lwakhe, bazimisele ukukuqondisa kuzo zonke izinyathelo zendlela.

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