"Kāore e taea e au te wareware i te moe tāne a taku tāne. Kāore e taea e au te wareware i taku tāne i tinihanga ki ahau. Kua roa ahau e whakamamae ana i tēnei āhuatanga mai anō i taku kitenga i tēnei mea," te whakakitenga a tētahi hoa.
Kia pēhea te roa o tēnei? I kī mai koe he hoahoa noa iho , ā, i whakapono ahau ki a koe. He kuware ahau!
E hia ngā wā i puremu ai koe i a ia? E rima, e tekau…ētahi atu? Me mōhio ahau ki te tau tika!
He tino pai ia i runga i te moenga?
I hea kōrua i tūtaki ai? He hōtēra tūpono noa iho? I te kāinga o Vivek? I kawea mai ia e kōrua ki konei? I whakamahia e kōrua tō māua moenga?
E aroha ana koe ki a ia? He ataahua ake ia i ahau?
E hia ngā karere kuputuhi ka whakawhitiwhiti kōrerohia e kōrua i ia rā? He aha ngā mea ka kōrerohia e kōrua?
I kī atu koe ki a ia e aroha ana koe ki a ia? I whakamahia e koe te kupu 'L' ki a ia!
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He mamae te kitea o tētahi moepuku
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ko te kitenga o te tinihanga ā-ira tangata i roto i te hoa, he maha ngā wā ka haere tahi me te hiahia nui ki te mōhio ki ngā taipitopito katoa – te whakahihiri, te whakahaere, me te moepuku – o te whanaungatanga i waho o te marena.
Kia mōhio ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o ngā whakawhitiwhiti kōrero – o ngā kōrerorero, o ngā koha, o ngā whanaungatanga piripono…kāore e taea e te hoa rangatira i tukinotia te kore e tono kia whakakitea ngā taipitopito, kia whakakitea te aha/te wā/te pēhea o te whanaungatanga. Koinei anake te tīmatanga mēnā me puta he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te tukanga whakaae/whakaora mō te tangata i tukinotia! Kāore koe i te mōhio me pēhea te tauhohe ki te whanaungatanga o tō hoa rangatira i waho o te marena.
Kāore e taea e au te wareware i tinihanga taku tāne ki ahau
E ai ki tā taku hoa a M ki ahau, "Me mōhio ahau ki ngā mea katoa, ki ia inihi iti i pā atu ai ia ki a ia, i te taha tinana me te taha hinengaro. Me mōhio ahau ki tōna āhua ki a ia, ki ngā kākahu i mau ai ia i tana haerenga ki te kite i a ia, mehemea kei muri ia i tōna pahau hou."
"I mōhio ahau nā te mea nāna i heu tōna uma! I mōhio ahau ki ana whakaaro ina whakaaro ia ki a ia! He mea pumau tonu tēnei, e mōhio ana koe, he mea nui kia mōhio ahau. Kāore e taea e au te wareware i te moepuku a taku tāne ."
I kitea tōna mamae i roto i ngā io pakari o tōna rae. Ehara i te mea mō te rā kotahi, mō te wiki kotahi, engari mō ngā marama.
Nā tēnei ahau i whakaaro ai he aha tātou ka keri ai i ngā mōhiotanga e mōhio ana tātou ka mamae. Heoi, e mōhio ana ahau mēnā ka tae mai ki ahau, ka pērā anō hoki ahau!
Me mōhio ki ngā taipitopito o te whanoke
Kua 18 tau a Tākuta Neeru Kanwar (PhD Psy) e aro ana ki tēnei āhuatanga, he tohunga ia ki ngā take uauatanga taunekeneke o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. I pātai atu ahau ki a ia mēnā he mea noa tēnei hiahia nui kia mōhio, ā, mēnā i āwhina tēnei momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i te tukanga whakaora (i te mea e hiahia ana te tāne me te wāhine ki te whakaoti i tēnei āhuatanga). I whakamārama a Tākuta Kanwar i te hinengaro kei muri i tēnei hiahia whakararuraru engari kāore e taea te karo.
Mō ētahi atu ataata tohunga, ohauru mai ki tā mātou Hongere Youtube. Pāwhiri ki konei.
"Ko tētahi huarahi tēnei," tana kī, "e mārama ai te hoa rangatira i tinihangatia ki te āhua o te mea i tupu, i a rāua e whai ana i te whanaungatanga i ia taahiraa i ia taahiraa. Mō te wahine i tinihangatia, he mate nui tēnei – te ngaronga o te haumaru, te ngaronga o te ahua o tana tāne, te ngaronga o tana moemoeā kia motuhake rāua."
"E ai ki tā tēnei kiritaki, 'Mai i te tamarikitanga, i aroha ahau ki tēnei whakaaro nui kia piripono māua tetahi ki tetahi... kia wehe atu i a māua, kua ngaro atu taua whakaaro nui ake ake. Kāore e taea e au te wareware i te tinihanga a taku tāne.'"
"Ina kitea te whanoke, i roto i te tukanga e ngana ana ki te mārama, ka kite te hoa rangatira i he te hiahia ki te tirotiro anō i te hara kia mārama ai tōna tīmatanga, me pēhea i kaha ai ... me ētahi atu. Engari he tino mamae tēnei, ā, i roto i te tukanga e whakamamae kino ana ia i a ia anō, me te maha o ngā wā."
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He mamae te takahi i te whakawhirinakitanga
"Kāore e taea e au te wareware i taku tāne i tinihanga i ahau. Kāore e taea e au te wareware i te moepuku a taku tāne," koinei te kōrero tonu a taku hoa. Kāore i taea e ia te wareware i tēnei takahi whakawhirinaki, ā, i whakaaro pea ia mēnā ka kōrerotia e tana tāne ngā taipitopito katoa o te moepuku ki a ia, ka taea e ia te kōrero. hanga whakawhirinaki.
I mea atu a Tākuta Kanwar, "Ko tētahi atu take e hiahia ana ia kia mōhio ko te pakaru o te whakawhirinaki. Kua ngaro te piripono i waenganui i te tāne me te wahine, kua tohaina e te tāne te wā me ngā mea ki tētahi atu wahine, ā, kua noho te wahine hei tangata whenua kē."
"Nō reira, e hiahia ana te wahine ki te whakahoki mai i taua kare ā-roto o te piripono ki tana tāne. Ā, mō tēnā, me whakapuaki e ia ngā mea katoa ki a ia."
"He āwhina tēnei whakakitenga katoa ki te neke whakamua?" i pātai atu ahau ki a Tākuta Kanwar. Kāore ia e taunaki ana i tēnei. "Ehara i te mea he whakamamae noa iho mō te tangata i tukinotia, engari ka waiho hoki te hoa hara ki te āhua tiaki kia kite i tana hoa rangatira e mamae nui ana. I te nuinga o te wā, kāore ngā taipitopito e āwhina."
He mamae tonu te mōhiotanga taipitopito
Hoki atu ki taku hoa, kua neke atu i te rua tau kua pahure mai i te rā-D. Kua tae atu rāua ki ngā kaiārahi , kua whawhai, kua pāngia e te paitini tetahi i tetahi, engari kei te noho tahi rāua. I pātai atu ahau ki a ia, mehemea, i muri i te titiro whakamuri, me i rerekē tana mahi.
I kōrero pono a M. "I te nui haere o taku keri me tana whakapuaki mai, ka nui haere ngā tirohanga i tuhia ki taku puku mārō, ā, kāore i taea e au te wareware i te moepuku a taku tāne. Ināianei he wāhi e pā ana ki ia hara. Kāore au i taea te tomo ki ngā hōtēra i haere atu ai ia..." ka mutu tana kōrero.
"Kua maka atu e au ngā hāte i mau ai ia i a ia, engari me muku atu e au ngā whakaahua e mau ana ia i aua hāte? Ko Jacob's Creek tā mātou inu, engari i inu tahi rāua ko ia. Inaianei kua neke mātou ki te whiskey."
"I taua wā, he mea nui te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa. Ināianei kei te hiahia ahau ki te wareware, engari kāore e taea te kore e mōhio ina mōhio koe, āe?"
He aha te mea ka tupu ina mōhio koe
He maha ngā whakaaro o ngā tohunga me ngā mātauranga e whakatau ana:
– Ko te mamae i puta mai i te kitenga o te puremu ka akiaki i te tangata i tukinotia kia keri hohonu mō ia mōhiohio
– Nā te taiao tino kare ā-roto ka mau tonu ēnei mōhiotanga katoa ki roto i te mahara
– Inaianei kua whai whakaaro tūturu te tangata i tukinotia hei whakaaroaro me te whakaora anō i te take
– Ko te tikanga o tēnei he tino uaua ki te ahu whakamua ki tētahi momo murunga hara
Engari, e ai ki tā M, kāore e taea e tātou te mōhio ina mōhio tātou? Ā, ina mōhio tātou, ka taea e tātou te wareware? He tukanga uaua te murunga hara .
He pai ke ki ahau te noho mokemoke i te noho tahi me tetahi e whara ai ahau
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
E toru tau taku tāne i tinihanga ai i ahau. Kāore ia i aro ki ahau mō ētahi marama, ā, kāore he mea i mahue i ahau, engari kei te harikoa ahau i tēnei rā. Inaianei kua riro katoa mai taku tāne i ahau.
Ina moe te tangata, ka whakapau kaha te tangata ki ōna kare ā-roto katoa, ki te whakawhirinaki, ki te pono, ki te aroha, me ērā atu mea katoa. Ina mōhio te tangata ki te tinihanga, ka pakaru ngā mea katoa, ka pakaru te ngākau ki ngā miriona kongakonga. He pai ake te noho rangatira, te whakaute i a ia anō, me te oranga hou, kaua ki te noho hei tangata tinihanga/kaitākaro i roto i te marena. He aha te take me noho tonu ai te tangata i roto i aua raruraru, me te mahi anō i te marena? I ia hēkona, ka mātakitaki koe i tō hoa, ka mamae te ngākau o te tangata. He aha te take me whakama ai te hoa pono, te mamae me te tawai mō te oranga katoa? He pai ake te neke atu, he pai ake te whai mōkai i te kāinga i te tangata tinihanga i te kāinga hei mōkai ahakoa ka noho pono te kararehe ki a ia mō te wā roa, kāore i rite ki te tangata tinihanga. E kī ana te katoa me whakaora te marena, ko wai e hiahia ana ki te marena me te tangata tinihanga? Kei te noho te marena mō te tangata, kei te noho rānei te tangata mō te marena? Me mahi i ngā whanaungatanga hou, kaua ki te mura o te kare ā-roto me te mahi i te whanaungatanga tawhito? Ahakoa he whakarihariha te tangata, ka taea tonu te noho takakau? I puta mai te tangata tinihanga i roto i te oranga o te tangata i muri i te 25 tau, engari kāore te tangata i whānau tahi me te tangata tinihanga?
Ehara ngā raruraru o te marena i te whakaaetanga mō te tinihanga. Ko ngā tāngata mataku kāore e taea te whakatika i ngā raruraru o te marena, ko ngā tāngata whakamā, koretake, he hunga hiahia ki te whai wāhi ki te ao o te tangata, ahakoa tāne, wahine rānei. He nui ake te utu o te ora, ā, he koha tapu nā te Atua, kaua e moumou ki ngā tāngata kino, ā, ka taea e te tangata te mahi merekara.
Āue, mēnā ka pērā tātou, āue, mēnā kāore. Mō te puremu, he uaua ngā mea katoa. E hiahia ana te taha i pāngia kia mutu te whanaungatanga, ā, he kaha te hiahia kia mōhio ki ngā mea katoa. Heoi, e kore rawa e ngāwari i te mea kei te kitea tonutia e tātou ngā tirohanga hou mō ngā mea i tupu i waenganui i a rāua. Kāore e taea te whiwhi tanumanga tika. Ki te noho tonu koe me tō hoa, ka huaki anō ngā patunga katoa i tētahi aituā iti. E kōrero ana ahau i runga i te wheako. Ahakoa kua rima tau te roa, kei te mau tonu te mamae. Kāore e memeha rawa te mamae.
Koinei te take o te tinihanga, engari mōku nei, ahakoa i mua i te marena te take, ā, i kitea, ā, i muri mai ka tūtaki, kāore te kare o te tinihanga e memeha. Kei te whai tonu te wairua o tōna hītori piripono, ā, e hiahia ana ahau ki te keri hohonu mā te pātai anō i ngā pātai ā-tūranga.
E mōhio ana ahau he tino mamae, engari ki taku whakaaro me rangahau koe i te āhua o te āhuatanga i nāianei? Kei te piri tonu te ngākau o tō hoa rangatira ki a koe? Ko te mea nui, me whai wā tātou ki te wareware i ngā whanaungatanga o mua, ā, hei hoa pakeke, me tuku pea taua wā ki ō tātou hoa. E mōhio ana ahau he mamae…engari koinei pea te mea whakaaro nui hei mahi!
Ki taku whakaaro, kaua te keri kōrero e waiho hei take mō te takahi ture anake, hei tohu hoki i te wā i puta ai taua whakaaro, engari me tango atu te hara i roto i te pūnaha i te wā e whakaaroaro ana, mai i te hoa rangatira kua tinihangatia. He āhuatanga uaua rawa tēnei, ā, ka waiho he āputa i roto i te whanaungatanga e kore e whakakīia.
Ka taea e au te mārama me te hono atu ki ia kupu o tēnei tuhinga. He whakamamae engari me mahi e te tangata i hē. Ahakoa ngā kōrero ka kohia e te hoa rangatira, kei reira tonu te whakaaro kāore anō kia whakapuakina tetahi mea. Ā, ka tāpiri atu ki te kawa mō te toenga o te oranga. Ehara i te mea ngāwari ki te whakaae atu!