8 Ngā Hipanga Hei Whakatau i te Take Kare ā-roto o tō Hoa Rangatira

He tino mamae te mōhio kei te tinihanga te hoa rangatira e arohaina nuitia ana e koe ki a koe. He tino mamae te mōhio kei te piri atu rātou ki tētahi atu ahakoa kei reira tonu koe hei tautoko i a rātou. E kī ana ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine he pai ake te whakaae ki te tinihanga moepuku i te tinihanga kare ā-roto. He uaua te ako ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te hoa rangatira.

He mea nui tonu tēnei. Ki te kore koe e ako ki te whakatau i te whanoke ā-roto o tō hoa rangatira, e kore e taea e koe te neke atu i tēnā. Ki te kore e taea e koe te neke atu i tēnā, e kore e taea e koe te whakahaere anō i tō ao me te whakatau ko tēhea te huarahi e hiahia ana koe ki te arahi.

Nā, he aha tāu e taea ai mēnā ka kitea e koe te hononga ā-hinengaro o tō hoa rangatira? Me pēhea te whakatau i te hononga ā-hinengaro o tō hoa rangatira i runga i te marino me te whakaute? He tumanako kei roto i tō whanaungatanga ina piripono tō hoa rangatira ki tētahi atu? Ka taea e koe te neke atu i tēnei raruraru? Mēnā koinā, me pēhea? Ka aro atu mātou ki ēnei pātai me ētahi atu pātai maha hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ki te mea me mahi ina tinihanga tō hoa rangatira ki a koe i runga i te ā-hinengaro, me ngā tirohanga mai i te kaiako whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga piripono. Shivanya Yogmayaa (kua whai tiwhikete ā-ao mō ngā momo rongoā o te EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT, me ētahi atu), he tohunga ki ngā momo momo tohutohu mō ngā tokorua.

He aha te whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro?

I mua i tō tīmatanga ki te manukanuka mō te whanaungatanga ā-roto o tō hoa wahine, o tō tāne rānei, he mea nui kia mārama koe ki ngā āhuatanga o tēnei whanaungatanga. Nā te mea, kāore koe e hiahia kia noho tonu ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki i roto i tō whanaungatanga nā runga i ngā whakapae koretake, kia whakapae rānei i tō hoa mō te kore pono i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te mea he tata rāua ki tā rāua hoa o te tamarikitanga.

An take aronganui ko te tikanga he whakatū hononga kare ā-roto kaha me te here ki tētahi tangata i waho o te whanaungatanga. I te nuinga o te wā, he rite tēnei piripono e tohaina ana e te tokorua ki te whanaungatanga aroha. Ka tohaina e te hoa tinihanga ōna ngoikoretanga ki tētahi atu, ā, ka haere ki a rātou mō ngā tohutohu whaiaro. Ahakoa he whanaungatanga tinana kei waenganui i a rātou, kāore rānei, engari ka rongo rātou i ngā kare ā-roto hohonu i pā ki a rātou i mua, i pā tonu rānei ki tō rātou hoa.

Ko te kore aro ki te whānau, ngā whakamārama mō te mahi pō, te huna i te waea, te kore whakaaroaro, te tiaki i a koe anō me te riri, te āta whakakakahu i a koe i ia rā, te uru atu ki ngā mahi kāore koe e whai wāhi ana, te tino atawhai rānei ki a koe mō te kore take, he tohu ēnei e whakaatu ana kei te whai hononga kare ā-roto tō hoa rangatira ki tētahi atu tangata.

Ahakoa te mamae o te ngākau i taua kitenga, tērā pea ka kitea e koe te kore noa iho o te aro o tō hoa rangatira ki tēnei mea. Ko te tautohetohe mēnā ka kiia ngā hononga kare ā-roto he tinihanga, ka waiho pea tēnei hara ki tētahi wāhi pōuri. Ka uaua ake te whakatau me pēhea te whakahaere i ngā hononga kare ā-roto e mahia puku ana e te hoa rangatira.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakaora i muri i te tinihanga me te noho tahi

Ngā Tauira me ngā Tohu o te Tinihanga Kare ā-roto i roto i te Marena

Ehara i te mea hou te kitenga i tō aroha me tō ngākau pono e neke ana mai i tō hoa rangatira ki tētahi atu. Heoi, nā te ipurangi me ngā pāpāho pāpori, kua tino piki ake ngā hongere whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e wātea ana i waho o ngā whanaungatanga matua. Waihoki, kua piki ake ngā huarahi me ngā huarahi tinihanga kare ā-roto. Nā tēnei kua uaua ake te kite me te whakatau i te tinihanga kare ā-roto.

He aha te ingoa o te wāhi hina o te hono atu ki tētahi kaiako oranga ipurangi e whakawhanakehia ana e koe? whanaungatanga wairua ki? He kaiwhaiwhai roa rānei i runga i tō pūkete Instagram. Ka tino whakamā tō hoa. Ka riri ētahi ina tahuri tonu ā rātou hoa ki tētahi atu i roto i tō rātou whānau, hei tauira, ki tō rātou whaea, ki te whakapuaki i tētahi rongo kino, pai rānei. Ko tēhea o ēnei he tinihanga kare ā-roto, ā, e hia te nui?

Me tango he tauira mārama ake. He maha atu ngā wā e whawhai ana a Jose rāua ko tana hoa, ko Sara, i mua atu i mua. Nō nā tata nei ka tīmata ia ki te kōrero ki tētahi tangata i whai i a ia i runga i te Pukamata. I te tīmatanga ka pai tonu rāua ki ngā pou a tētahi ki tētahi, ā, ka neke haere ki te tuku kōrero ki ngā whakaahua a tētahi ki tētahi. 

Ināianei, ka kōrero rāua mā roto i ngā karere whaiaro (DM), ka kōrero a Jose ki tana hoa mō āna pakanga ki a Sara. Ka mukua e ia ā rāua kōrero i muri i tana kōrero. Ka nui ake tana kōrero ki a ia, ka nui ake tana whakarite i a rāua i roto i tōna hinengaro. Ka kite hoki ia i a ia anō e riri ana ki a Sara. Ahakoa kāore ia e kōrero aroha ana ki tana hoa, te āhua nei he tika tā Sara amuamu, "He hononga aroha tō taku tāne, ā, kāore e taea e au te wareware." 

Tērā pea he pono anō tēnei mēnā ka hurihia ngā ira tangata, ā, ka mea a Sara, "Kei te pāngia taku wahine e te mate hinengaro, ā, he tino mamae te neke atu i te tinihanga kare ā-roto." I mua i te whakaaro me aha koe ina tinihangatia koe e tō hoa, ko ētahi tohu hei āwhina i a koe ki te kite i te tinihanga kare ā-roto ko:

1. Ngā tumanakohanga hē a tō hoa

Kia puta he āhua hē ohorere, he tumanakohanga kore mai i tō hoa rangatira he tohu tawhito o te tinihanga kare ā-roto. Ka mutu tō mōhio ki ngā herenga o tō hoa rangatira me tōna āhua i mōhio tonu koe. Ka uaua ake māu te tuku i ngā mea kāore koe i pai ki a ia. Kei te roa haere te rārangi o aua mea. 

Hei tāpiri atu ki ēnei mea katoa, kei roto anō hoki i tōu mahunga te whakataurite taurite kore i waenganui i a rātou me te tangata e tinihanga ana koe ki a rātou. Ka tino uaua te neke atu i te tinihanga kare ā-roto nā te mea kua meinga te hoa kua tinihangatia kia whakaaro kāore ia i te rawaka. Ki te hiahia koe ki te āwhina i tō hoa rangatira kia mawhiti i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto, me āta hanga e koe taua whakawhirinaki ki a rātou e whakamoemiti tonu ana koe, e whakanui ana hoki i a rātou, pērā tonu i a rātou. 

2. Kei te piki haere te huna i roto i tō whanaungatanga

He maha ngā mea ka tīmata koe ki te huna. E mōhio ana koe i roto i te hinengaro kāore i te tika tāu mahi. E mōhio ana koe kāore tō hoa e pai ki a ia mēnā ka mōhio ia ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Nō reira, me muku e koe aua karere kuputuhi, me te kore rānei e whakahua i taua hui. Kei roto koe i te... hononga ngaro ki tētahi, ahakoa te tikanga o te whanaungatanga ki a koe i taua wā.

Mena he maha ngā mea e huna ana e koe, he tohu mārama pea tēnei kei te hē tetahi mea. Pērā anō hoki mena kei te tinihanga koe i ngā kare ā-roto. Mena he maha ngā arai i roto i ngā mea e kōrerotia ana e tō hoa, tera pea kei te tinihanga rātou i a koe. Ina tupu tēnei, kāore he tangata e aro ki ngā whakapuakitanga aroha, ki te mea rānei kua whai hononga ā-tinana koe, kāore rānei. Ko te mea kei te huna e tō hoa tetahi mea i a koe ka meinga koe kia rite ki tētahi o waho. Ā, he mamae rawa tēnā, kia rite ai koe ki te mea kei te tinihangatia koe. 

3. Te whakaaro tonu ki te tangata hou

Kei te whakaaro tonu koe ki te tangata hou i roto i tō ao. Ka tīmata mai i tō hiahia ki te tirotiro i a rātou i ia haora torutoru. Engari kāore e roa, ka whakaaro koe ki a rātou i ngā wā katoa o te rā, me te whakataurite i te āhua o tō oranga me rātou. Ki te whakakakahu koe i ngā kākahu pai, ā, ki te whakaaro koe kāore tō hoa i te tino maioha ki a koe, ka whakaaro koe me pēhea te maioha o tēnei tangata hou ki a koe. 

He raruraru tawhito tēnei, ā, ahakoa te kaha o te ngana a tō hoa rangatira ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru kare ā-roto i roto i te marena mā te mahi pai ake, mā te "whakanui ake" rānei i tō hiahia hou, ka toa tonu ngā whakaaro whakapae i roto i tō mahunga. Ka tiaho tonu tēnei tangata hou i tō hoa rangatira. Koia te take ina tinihanga te hoa rangatira i a koe i roto i te kare ā-roto, kāore he ngana ki te whakahoki mai i a rātou.

4. Te āhua tawhiti atu i tō hoa

Nō reira, mā ngā mea katoa o runga ake nei ka āta hanga koe kia wehe kē i roto i tō kōrua marena me tō hoa. Ko te huna me ngā whakataurite koretake ka puta ai ngā māramatanga kore me te āputaputa e tipu haere ana. Ā, mā te whakaaro tonu ki tētahi atu tangata ka ara ake koe i tō oranga o nāianei ka whakanoho i a koe ki tētahi ao moemoeā whakapae. Ka titiro tō hoa ki a koe, ā, e mōhio ana ia ahakoa kei reira koe, kāore koe i reira tūturu.

Kāore e ngaro i tō hoa te kōrerorero tonu i roto i tō hinengaro mō ngā "mehemea" me ngā "mehemea kua pērā". Ka akiakihia tō hoa kia whakapono "Kei te moe tāne taku wahine, e tino mōhio ana ahau" me "I moe tāne taku tāne, ā, kāore e taea e au te wareware, me whakamutu pea tā māua marena". Nō reira, me aha ahau ina tinihanga te hoa ki a koe? Mō te mōhio, pānuihia atu. 

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Kimi i tētahi Tangata Motuhake i muri i te Marena i roto i te Hoahoa

Me aha koe ina tinihanga tō hoa i roto i te hinengaro? 8 Ngā Hipanga hei Āwhina i a koe ki te Whakatutuki i tō raruraru

Tērā pea te āhua nei kua tata te mutunga o te ao ina kitea e koe te tinihanga ā-roto o tō hoa rangatira. Ka nui ake te uaua o te whakatau i te tinihanga ā-roto ina whakaarohia e koe te tūponotanga ka tūkino i tō marena. Kāore pea i te tino pono engari he tino tūturu te mōrearea.

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te aro atu ki ngā raruraru kare ā-roto me ngā kōrero hē a tō hoa rangatira. Tērā pea ka pā kino ki tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, ā, ka waiho koe kia ki tonu i te ruarua mō ō pūkenga hei hoa rangatira. "Kei te moepuku taku tāne i roto i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto. E whakaaro ana ia kāore au i te mōhio. Kei te whakaaro tonu ahau: I hea ahau i kore ai e whakatutuki i ana hiahia?" – ka puta ake ēnei whakaaro i roto i tō hinengaro.

I ngā wā pēnei, he mea nui kia maumahara koe he pakeke tō hoa rangatira, ā, kāore koe e whai kawenga mō ā rāua mahi. Ko te tuku i a koe ki ngā feaa mō ōu kaha hei hoa rangatira mō te ao katoa ehara i te huarahi tika ki te whakatau i te kore whakapono ki a koe anō. Nā, he aha te huarahi tika?

Me aha koe ina tinihanga tō hoa i a koe i roto i te ngākau? He maha ngā mahi ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakatau i te hononga ngākau o tō hoa rangatira, hei whakaora anō hoki i tō whanaungatanga. whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-roto anō, kia kore ai he wāhi e uru mai ai tētahi atu tangata. Ko te huarahi tika hei mahi ka whakawhirinaki ki ō āhuatanga motuhake – te āhua o tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa rangatira, te āhua o te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto, me ērā atu mea. Ahakoa rā, anei ētahi kaupae whānui e waru ka taea e koe te whai hei whakatau i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto o tō hoa rangatira:  

1. Tirohia ngā meka

I mua i te ruku ki te whakamātautau o te tautohetohe, ngā tautohe me ngā pō kore moe, kia tino mohio kei te uru tō hoa rangatira ki tētahi hononga kare ā-roto. Ko te rārangi i waenganui tinihanga kare ā-roto vs. te whakahoahoa ka pōuriuri pea. Tērā pea kei te titiro koe ki tētahi hoahoa pono hei mahi whakaipoipo. Tērā pea kei te tinihanga kare ā-roto tō hoa, kāore ia i te mōhio.

Hei whakatau i ngā raruraru kare ā-roto me ngā kōrero hē, me pātai tuatahi koe ki a koe anō: He aha tō hoa rangatira e tinihanga ana i a koe? He iti ake rānei tā rātou whakapau moni ki tō marena? He nui rānei tāu whakapau moni ki tō marena? Kua kite koe i ētahi huringa kitea i roto i tō hoa rangatira?

He kaha rawa ngā kare ā-roto, engari kāore i te tika i ngā wā katoa. Me whai tohu tino tika koe hei tautoko i ō kare ā-roto. Whakaarohia ō kare ā-roto i mua i te kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira mō ēnei kare ā-roto. Tirohia mēnā kei te whakaaro kore koe, kei te hae rawa, kei te tino pupuri rānei koe i aua kare ā-roto.

Tirohia hoki mēnā he maha ā kōrua tautohetohe i ēnei rā, ā, mēnā ko te riri, ko te mauahara rānei te mea e ruarua ai koe i tō hoa rangatira. Kia tirohia ēnei kōrero, ka taea e koe te haere tonu ki te kōrero mārire ki tō hoa rangatira mō tā rāua hononga ā-roto. Hei whakarāpopototanga, kaua e kī pēnei "I pāngia taku tāne e te hononga ā-roto, ā, kāore e taea e au te wareware" ki te kore koe e tino mōhio ki te mea e tupu ana.

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā pānga o te moepuku ki te hoa

2. Whakatauritea te riri me te hiahia ki ngā whakautu

Ka pā kino te kore whakapono, ahakoa he pānga ā-hinengaro, ā-ira rānei, ki te hauora me te marena o te tangata. E mārama ana mātou kei te mamae koe, ā, kāore e taea e koe te pupuri i tō riri. I tēnei wā, kāore pea koe e hiahia ki te whakapuaki katoa mai i tō hoa rangatira. Ki te whakapae koe, ki te mōhio rānei koe kei te tinihanga ā-hinengaro tō hoa rangatira, me mōhio pea koe ki ngā mea katoa i mahia e rātou i muri i a koe.

Ki te hiahia pono koe ki te whai i te ara o te ako i ngā taipitopito katoa, me noho marino koe, me te ata noho hoki. "Hei whakatau i te kore whakapono ki te kare ā-roto, he mea maori noa te hiahia ki ngā whakautu ki ngā pātai maha e pōuri ana i tō hinengaro. Engari ina pātai atu ki tō hoa tinihanga i ēnei pātai", kia tino rite koe ki te aro atu ki ngā whakautu. Kia aroha ki te whakarongo, kaua e hohoro te whakatau, te whakatau rānei," te tohutohu a tā mātou tohunga, Hiwanya.

Ka nui ake te hiahia o tō hoa rangatira ki te whakautu me te aro atu ki ō raruraru katoa mēnā ka whakarongo puku koe, ka aroha hoki. Kia riri koe, ka whakaaro tō hoa rangatira kāore koe e pai ki te whakarongo, ā, ka huna i a koe ngā kōrero mō tō rātou tinihanga kare ā-roto. Mā tēnei ka ārai i te tūponotanga o te ora i tēnei raruraru.

3. Kaua e whakapae i a koe anō

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakatau i te puremu i roto i te marena. Tērā pea ka noho pōuriuri ō whakaaro, ka pōuri hoki ō whakaaro. Ehara hoki i te mea onge te kia whakama koe mō te moepuku a tō hoa rangatira. I a koe e pāngia ana, tērā pea ka whakapae koe i a koe anō mō ​​te hē. Ka pātai koe ki ō mahi me ō whanonga. Tērā pea ka whakaaro koe ko koe te tangata kāore i te aro, kāore rānei koe i te aro nui, kāore rānei koe i whakarato i te tūāpapa haumaru i hiahiatia e tō hoa. Pōkaihia ēnei whakaaro katoa ka maka atu.

"Kia aroha ki a koe anō. Mēnā he hononga aroha tō tāne, tō wahine rānei, ehara i te mea he whakaata i ō pūkenga hei hoa rangatira. Ahakoa kei te raru tō kōrua whanaungatanga, kei te kore rānei kōrua e taurite tetahi ki tetahi, he maha ngā huarahi hei whakatika i ēnei raruraru. Ehara te tinihanga i tetahi o aua take," te kī a Shivanya.

Ko te tino take, kāore he take pai hei tinihanga i tētahi, ahakoa te tinana, te hinengaro rānei. Ka taea e koe te whakatika i ō ngoikoretanga i roto i te marena, engari kaua e uru ki te kēmu whakapae. Kaua e tukua tō hoa kia mawhiti i te tinihanga kare ā-roto mā te kī ko koe te take o te tinihanga, kaua hoki e whakapae i a koe anō mō ​​ngā mahi hē a tō hoa.

Mā te whakapae i a koe anō ka whai mana tō hoa rangatira ki te mawhiti i ā rāua mahi hē. Kāore he he mōu i konei. Ko te tinihanga a tō hoa rangatira te kawenga mōna. Ko te mōhio he taahiraa tino nui tēnei hei whakatau i tā rāua hononga aroha.

Te pānui e pā ana: Kia tūpato ki ēnei tohu 10 o te hara o te tangata tinihanga

4. Kōrero ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro

Me aha koe ina tinihanga tō hoa i roto i ō kare ā-roto? Tukua koe kia rongo i ngā kare ā-roto whakamā, whakararuraru e puta ake ana i te wā e moe tahi ana tō hoa, tō wahine rānei. He mea noa te noho puku ina kitea kei te tinihanga tō hoa i roto i ō kare ā-roto, ina koa kāore koe i te mōhio.

Tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki te hoki ki tō ake kōpuku, me te whakaaroaro nui mō te heke mai o tō marena. Tērā pea ka pātai koe ki a koe anō me ngā mea katoa e karapoti ana i a koe, engari kāore koe e pai ki te whakapuaki i tēnei ki tētahi atu i te wehi kei whakahengia koe. He mea noa te kore e taea te kōrero tika mō te take ki tō hoa, engari me āwhina koe ki te whakatika i te raruraru. Kaua e tatari puku, me te tumanako ka huri ngā mea hei pai ake.

Engari, rapua te āwhina a te kaiwhakaora hinengaro, kaua e manukanuka ki te āhuatanga me ōna putanga. Ki te hiahiatia, Te rōpū kaitohutohu mātau o Bonobology Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe. Mā te kōrero ki tētahi ka ea ō feaa katoa, ka hoatu hoki ki a koe te huarahi tika i a koe e raru ana i ngā kare ā-roto maha pērā i te wehi, te hara, te pōuri, te ruarua, te riri, me ērā atu, i te wā kotahi. Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro he tohunga ki te puremu i roto i te marena te āwhina i a koe kia tere ake te puta i te wāhanga uaua.

5. Whakamutua mō tētahi wā

He whakaora kare ā-roto te hamama, te tangi, te whiu taonga, me te whakapae i tō hoa mō te whakakino i ngā mea katoa hei huarahi ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru kare ā-roto me ngā kōrero kore tika. Engari he huarahi pai ake hei whakaora i tō marena mā te hoki whakamuri. Mā tēnei ka whai wā tō hoa rangatira ki te whakamārama i ōna whakaaro me te whakaaro nui mō āna mahi. Ngāna kia mau tonu tō marino me te whakamātau i te maia. Mā te whakarato i tētahi wāhi manawa ki tō hoa ka hoatu he whai wāhi ki a ia ki te whakamutu i tā rāua raruraru kare ā-roto. 

E mea ana a Shivanya, "Tukua tō hoa rangatira kia aro atu ki te waipuke o ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki tōna hinengaro i muri i te putanga mai o te hononga kare ā-roto. Kia mahara, ehara i te mea ko koe anake te take. Nō reira, ina he hononga kare ā-roto tō tāne, ina tinihanga rānei tō wahine i a koe, kaua e whakaaro he mea whaiaro. He nui te tūponotanga kāore he pānga o te kore whakapono ki a koe, ki tō whanaungatanga rānei, engari he pānga mai i ētahi whara o mua kāore anō kia whakatauhia, i tētahi momo herenga koretake rānei."

He mea nui te whakamuri i te whanaungatanga hei whakatau i tētahi raruraru kare ā-roto. Ka tere ake te tukanga whakaora. Mā te hiahia nui, te piripono rānei, ka whakaū i te āwangawanga o tō hoa mō tō whanaungatanga. Hei whakamama i tō rātou kore pono kare ā-roto, me hoatu he wā ki a rātou ki te whakaaroaro ki ā rātou whanonga kia mōhio ai rātou ki ā rātou mahi me ōna pānga ki tō koutou whanaungatanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: Tokoono ngā tāngata mō ā rātou i ako ai mō rātou anō i muri i tā rātou tinihanga

6. Kaua e inoi, kaua e tohe

Kei te aroha koe ki tō hoa rangatira, ā, kāore koe e hiahia kia whakarērea koe e ia. Hei karo i tēnā, kua rite koe ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa e taea ana e koe. Āe, kaua e pena. Te ora i tētahi whanaungatanga me āta whiriwhiri koe i ngā tikanga whanaungatanga hauora, kaua i ngā mea hauora kore, ngā mea ngoikore rānei.

Tērā pea kei te hiahia nui koe ki ngā whakautu mō te whakatau i ngā raruraru kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te hoa rangatira. Engari, ko te kore moe i te whakaaro "Kei te pāngia taku tāne e te raruraru kare ā-roto, me aha ahau kia whiriwhiria ai ahau e ia i mua i te tangata kē?", "I pāngia taku wahine e te raruraru kare ā-roto, me pēhea taku whakarite kia kaua ia e pāngia e te wahine kē?", kāore e pai mōu.

Ahakoa te nui o tō hiahia kia ora tonu tō marena, kaua e tuturi ki raro, e inoi ki tō hoa kia noho tonu. Ki te mutu tō hoa rangatira i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, kāore he mea e taea e koe te whakarerekē i tā rāua whakatau. Heoi anō, ki te hara tō hoa rangatira mō tā rāua mahi whakaipoipo kare ā-roto, ka mahi ia i ngā mahi kaha hei whakatika i ngā mea.

I konei, me whakahaere e koe te take me te whakaute. Kia maumahara tonu, kāore he mea e nui ake ana i tō whakaute i a koe anō. Mā te pupuri ringa, te tangi, te tohe ki tō hoa rangatira kia noho, e kore rātou e noho, engari ka pātaihia tō whakaute i a koe anō. Whakaaturia ō kare ā-roto, engari kaua rawa e tohe ki tō hoa rangatira kia noho.

7. Whakaritea he whakatau

Kua tupu te mea kino rawa atu. I pāngia tō hoa rangatira e te hononga kare ā-roto, ā, kāore he mea e taea e koe te mahi hei whakarerekē i tēnā. Heoi, ko tāu mahi he whakatau. Ki te whakaaro koe ka taea e tō whanaungatanga te ora ake i te kino, whakaarohia mēnā he pai te whakaora i te whanaungatanga ā, hoatu anō he whai wāhitanga. Kāore e tika kia waiho hei mutunga mō tō kōrua marena.

Ngāna kia mātakitaki i te urupare a tō hoa. Mena kei te tinihanga tō hoa i roto i te ngākau, ā, te āhua nei kei te tino hara ia mō taua mea, tera pea kei te hiahia ia ki te whakatika anō i ngā mea. I tētahi atu taha, ki te mea kei te whakapae tō hoa i a koe mō tā rāua tinihanga kare ā-roto, ā, kāore ia i te whakaaro he hē tā rāua mahi, kua tae pea te wā ki te whakamutu. Heoi, kia roa te wā ki te whakatau. Kaua e hohoro te mahi i tetahi mea.

"Ko te ao te āhua o tō tirohanga, nō reira kimihia he tirohanga hou ki te āhuatanga me/ranei ki tō hoa. Ka māmā ake te whakatau i te kore whakapono ki ngā kare ā-roto mēnā ka tirohia e koe mai i te tirohanga aroha, ā, ka ngana ki te mārama he aha i pērā ai tō hoa," te kī a Shivanya.

Te pānui e pā ana: 8 ngā taahiraa hei muru rawa i te hara o te tangata i tinihanga ki a koe

8. Whakapaua te wā ki te muru hara

E mea ana rātou, "Muria te hara, warewaretia." Engari ehara i te mea ngāwari. Ko koe anake te mōhio ki te nui o te pānga o te whanaungatanga ā-roto o tō hoa rangatira ki a koe. Whakapaua te wā ki te whawhai ki te mamae, kātahi ka tīmata ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki. He uaua ki te wareware i ngā momo tinihanga katoa. Kia rite koe ki te tuku i ngā aukati me ngā kare ā-roto kino katoa i roto i a koe, ko reira anake ka taea e koe te tīmata ki te muru i te hara o tō hoa rangatira, ā, hanga he whanaungatanga angitu i runga

Hoatu he wā ki tō hoa rangatira kia pono rawa atu ki a koe. Tukua kia mārama rātou ki te mamae i pā ki a rātou, ā, tukua rātou kia ea te mamae i a koe. Tangohia he wā tinana, he wā kare ā-roto hoki i tō hoa rangatira, mō ngā rā, mō ngā wiki, mō ngā marama rānei mēnā e hiahia ana koe. Āta hoki te rongo i te whanaungatanga i waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira i te mea ka memeha haere ngā maharatanga kino i roto i te wā, ā, ka kite koe kua rite koe ki te whakawhirinaki anō ki a rāua.

Ki te kite koe i tō hoa rangatira e raru ana i tēnei raruraru, hoatu he whai wāhitanga anō ki a ia. Me aro atu koe ki ō kare ā-roto i muri i te kitenga i te hononga aroha o tō hoa rangatira. Heoi, ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore he huarahi e taea ai e koe te ora ake i te mamae, ā, he pai ake te haere tonu me ō ake oranga, he pai anō hoki. E tika ana kia harikoa koe, ā, me mārama koe, me whakaae hoki ki ngā mea ka hari ake ai koe i te wā roa.

He aha ngā mea kāore e tika ana kia mahia ina tinihanga tō hoa i roto i ngā kare ā-roto?

Nā, kua mōhio koe ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te hoa rangatira. Heoi, i roto i ēnei āhuatanga pōrearea kare ā-roto, kāore e taea te aro atu me te kore aroha, te noho tonu rānei i te huarahi tika. Ina kī tonu koe i te mamae, te riri, te mamae, me te wairua tinihanga i te rongonga kei te tinihanga kare ā-roto tō hoa, tera pea ka mutu ka tauhohe koe i roto i ngā huarahi ka kino ake te āhuatanga.

Ko te mura o te riri, te karanga ingoa kino, te kōrero kino, te kī i ngā mea kino, he rite ki ngā taputapu kaha hei whakataurite i te āhua o te whanaungatanga, hei whakamamae hoki i tō hoa rangatira i te manukanuka e pā ana ki a koe. Heoi, kāore ēnei e whai hua ki tētahi. E kore e ngāwari ake te tukanga whakatau i te tinihanga i roto i te marena. E kore hoki e āwhina i tō hoa rangatira kia kite i te hapa o āna mahi. Nō reira, ina whakatau koe i te tinihanga kare ā-roto i roto i tō whanaungatanga, kia maumahara ki ēnei tohutohu kaua e mahia:

• Rapua te utu: Ahakoa kua tinihangatia tō whakawhirinaki e tō hoa, ehara i te mea he pai ki a koe te mahi i taua mea anō. Āta karohia te whakamatautauranga o te moe tāne me te wahine hei rapu utu i tō hoa.
• Tākarohia te kēmu whakapae: Ae, nā tō hoa te he o te mahi pūremu, engari kaua e waiho hei take mō te whakamātau ki te kōrero i ngā wā katoa e wātea ana, ina koa mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te tuku atu i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga ki te whanaungatanga. Koinei tētahi o ngā mea kino rawa atu. ngā hapa hou ka taea e ngā tokorua te mahi i te wā e pā ana ki te tinihanga i roto i te marena
• Te horoi i ngā kakahu paru i te rangi i te aroaro o te marea: Ina pāngia koe e ngā raruraru kare ā-roto me ngā kōrero kino a tō hoa, he mea maori te hiahia ki tētahi pakihiwi hei okiokinga. Ahakoa pēhea, me whai tautoko hei āwhina i a koe i tēnei wā uaua, engari ehara i te mea me whakapuaki koe i ō whakaaro ki tētahi e hiahia ana ki te whakarongo aroha mai.
• Tōia ngā tamariki ki roto: I a koe e whakaaro ana me pēhea te whakatau i ngā raruraru kare ā-roto kua pā ki tō hoa rangatira, kaua e tōia ngā tamariki ki roto i te raruraru. Kaua rawa e kōrerotia ngā taipitopito o te hara a ō rātou mātua ki a rātou. Tērā pea ka whara rātou, ka pakaru hoki te whanaungatanga ki tō hoa rangatira. Ki te whiriwhiri koe kia noho tahi hei whānau, he uaua pea te whakaora i a rātou i tēnei.
• Whakakahoretia ō kare ā-roto: Tērā pea ka pā ki a koe ngā momo kare ā-roto katoa, mai i te riri ki te mamae, te hara, te whakama, me te whakama ina kitea kei te tinihanga tō hoa i ō kare ā-roto. Tukua koe kia rongo i te whānuitanga katoa o ēnei kare ā-roto. Mā te huna, te muru rānei i aua kare ā-roto ka whakanui ake i tōna kaha.

Me karo koe i te aro nui ki te whanaungatanga. Me mutu hoki te manukanuka ki ngā kōrero a te tangata. Kia tīmata rā anō te whakararuraru i tō rangimārie o te hinengaro, e kore e kitea e koe te harikoa i roto i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe. Me whakatau tika, me piri ki tēnā, ā, ka oati mātou, ka noho koe hei tangata harikoa ake i te wā roa.

FAQs

7 Ngā Tohu o tētahi Whakaipoipo Kare ā-roto kei roto koe (me te kore e mōhio)

Te Pānga o te Kōrero i ngā Mea Whakamamae i roto i te Hononga

9 Nga Tohu E Pouri ana ia ki te tukino ia koe

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.