Āhea ka mōhio ngā kaipahua kua hē rātou? 10 Ngā horopaki

Porohia te aroha

I kitea e taku hoa, e Tara, kei te tinihanga tana tāne i a ia i te huarahi kino rawa atu—nā te wahine i moe tahi rāua i tuku he whakapae mō te whakaeke moepuku ki a ia. I a mātou e huihui ana ki te tuku tautoko me te whakamarie i a ia, ko te pātai i tino pā ki a Tara ko, "E pouri ana ia mō tana tinihanga i ahau? E mōhio ana ia ki tāna i mahi ai, ki tōna ake oranga, ki tōku ake oranga, ki tō mātou whānau?"

Nā tēnā ahau i whakaaro ai, me pēhea, ā, āhea hoki ka mōhio ai ngā tāngata tinihanga kua hē rātou? Ā, he aha te pānga o taua mōhiotanga ki ā rātou mahi ā muri ake nei? Hei painga mō ngā Tara katoa e raru ana ki ngā pātai rite, e rapu ana rānei i te tohu o te pouri i roto i ā rātou hoa tinihanga, i whakatau ahau ki te ruku hohonu ake ki te āhua o te pouri o te hunga tinihanga.

7 Ngā Take e Pā Ana ki te Aroha o te Tinihanga

Ripanga o Ihirangi

Mena kua tinihangatia koe, tera pea kei te whakaaro koe: he aha ngā whakaaro o te hunga tinihanga mō rātou anō? E pouri ana rātou mō ā rātou mahi? I te mea he kōwhiringa te tinihanga, he whakatau āta whakaaro ki te tuku i te whakawhirinaki o te hoa, he ngāwari te whakaaro kei te tino marino te tangata tinihanga ki ā rātou mahi. Heoi, ehara i te mea koinei tonu te āhua. Kāore hoki te pouri tinihanga i te mea kua whakaritea. Ahakoa he pouri nui, he whakama hoki ētahi o te hunga tinihanga, ka kitea e ētahi he huarahi hei whakatika i ā rātou mahi. Kei ngā āhuatanga motuhake o te āhuatanga te mea katoa. Ko te pouri (me te nui) o te pouri o te tangata tinihanga mō ā rātou mahi, he maha ngā wā ka whakawhirinaki ki ngā āhuatanga e whai ake nei:

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Ko tōku hinengaro tōku ake reinga ora, i tinihanga ahau, ā, e pouri ana ahau

I rite anō hoki ahau ki a koe. I whakaaro ahau kei te noho harikoa ahau ake ake. Ā, mehemea i muri i ngā tau e whā o te marena, kāore i roa kua kotahi tau māua ko taku wahine e noho tahi ana? Mā taku mahi i roto i te ope taua hokohoko ahau e kawe ki ngā kokonga o te ao, me tana mahi hei kaihanga kiriata tuhinga.

I harikoa māua i te mea ka taea tonu e māua te tahae i ngā wā, te hiahia tetahi ki tetahi, me te karo i ngā mahi noa o te marena. He hunga rapu whakahihiri māua, nō reira i pai te haere o tēnei whakaritenga. Engari kāore. I mahara ahau kua taea e māua te whakahaere i te raruraru, ka taea e māua te noho pērā i ngā taiohi e rua e arohaina ana mō ake tonu atu. Engari i ngaro i ahau te whakamarie o tētahi hoa pakeke, tētahi e taea ai e au te noho tahi me te oranga o ia rā. Kāore au i te mōhio nōnahea taku ngākau i tīmata ai te tahuri ke atu.

I tinihanga ahau i taku i aroha ai. Ehara i te mea i te taha tinana anake, engari i te taha wairua hoki. Ko te mea i tīmata hei hoa aroha i huri hei hononga werawera. I taku kitenga tuatahi i taku wahine i muri i taku hara, i hiahia noa ahau ki te oma ki roto i ōna ringa, ki te tangi me te kī atu ki a ia e pouri ana ahau mō te tinihanga i a ia mō tētahi atu wahine. He poto noa iho te roa o te hononga mōna ake. E hiahia ana ahau ki te whakapono ko taku hinengaro tētahi o aua take.

I taku kitenga i a ia e tatari ana mai ki ahau, ka pā mai te nui o tōku kuware ki ahau. Engari i pā mai anō hoki tōku whakama me te wāhanga o ahau e mea ana, "Whakaorangia tō marena, kati tō waha." I mōhio ahau kāore ia e aro ki tētahi tāne tinihanga. Nō reira i noho puku ahau, e ngana ana ki te pārekareka ki te wā i a māua. Engari i kite ia he mea he. Ā, i te nui haere o taku ngana, ka kino haere.

Kāore i āwhina i tetahi te pupuri i tēnei mea ngaro. Kāore he tangata whakawhirinaki mōku, ā, ki taku whakaaro kāore au e kino haere te āhua o taku wairua mēnā ka kōrerotia e au ki a ia. Ka pakaru ā-korekore taku marena nā tēnei, ka pōturi, ka mamae hoki, ā, kāore tetahi e tino mārama he aha. I whakaora rānei ahau i a ia? Kei te ngana ahau kia noho hei toa tinihanga, kia kore ai ia e mōhio kua noho tana tāne ki tētahi atu wahine?

Engari i mōhio ia kei te hē tetahi mea. Ā, kua roa rawa ki te whakatika i taku mahi kino. Kua tae ki te wā kia mutu te mataku me te whakaae. Kua rite te kōrero ki te pōuriuri. I taku nohoanga iho i a ia, ka rere noa ngā kupu. Kua pakaru te pā. I noho puku ia, ka roimata mō tētahi wā poto, kātahi ka whakahaere i a ia anō.

Kāore ia i pātai i taua wā, engari i haere noa atu ia, ā, ka kati i tōna tatau. Koinei te wā pai rawa atu, te wā kino rawa atu hoki o tōku ao. Ko te wā pai rawa atu nā te mea i tino māmā ake tōku ngākau i muri i te whaki hara. Ko te wā kino rawa atu nā te mea i wehi ahau kua mutu taku marena.

Kua mutu kē rānei tana marena, i taea rānei e rāua te wikitoria i te pouri me te mamae o te kore whakapono? Pānuihia te kōrero katoa ki konei.

1. Te taumata o te haumi kare ā-roto ki te mahi tahi

Ko te pouri o te hunga tinihanga e whakawhirinaki ana ki te āhua o tā rātou hononga ki tā rātou hoa moepuku. Nō reira, ki te tinihanga tō hoa mō te ngahau noa iho, tera pea ka tino pāngia rātou e te hara i muri mai. Heoi, ki te mea he hononga hohonu ki te hoa moepuku, ka taea e ia te pehi rawa i ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri.

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Tammy Nelson, he kaiwhakaora ira tangata me te whanaungatanga, "He maha ngā wā ka pouri tonu te moe tahi mō te pō kotahi, engari ko ngā mahi ā-roto ka roa ake pea te whakaoho i te pouri - mēnā he pouri. Ki te hinga tetahi e aroha ana ki tā rātou hoa moepuku, kāore pea rātou e pouri i te ara kotahi.”

2. Ngā tikanga matatika whaiaro me te urupare hara

te pouri o te hunga tinihanga — Ko te pūnaha uara me te ture matatika o te tangata e whakatau ana i ōna kare ā-roto mō te tinihanga.

Do e pouri ana ngā tāne ki te tinihanga? E pouri ana ngā wāhine mō te tinihanga i tā rātou hoa? Ehara i te ira tangata anake, engari ko te pūnaha uara me te ture matatika o te tangata e whakatau ana i ō rātou kare ā-roto mō te tinihanga i tā rātou hoa. Hei tauira, ko te tangata i tipu ake i roto i te whānau kāore e taea te whiriwhiri i te pono, he nui ake te tūponotanga ka raru ia i te hara nui atu i te tangata i tipu ake me te whakaaro "kāore he mea kāore e mōhiotia e rātou e whara i a rātou".

E mea ana a Tākuta Alexandra Solomon, he tohunga hinengaro haumanu, "Ko te hunga e tinihanga ana, e tino hara ana, ko rātou tonu te hunga e tukua ana ki te whakamatautauranga ahakoa he kaha ā rātou tikanga matatika. Ko te hunga kāore e pouri, kua whakatika kē pea i ā rātou mahi i mua noa atu i te puta."

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3. Mehemea i kitea te mahi taikaha, ā, me pēhea

Ka whakawhirinaki pea te pouri ki te i hopukina te tangata tinihanga kāore rānei i whakaae noa. Ko ētahi anake e pouri ana mō te hopukina. Pēnei i tēnei Reddit kaiwhakamahi e kī ana, "I te tūtaki puku tonu taku hoa o mua ki tana aroha tuatahi i taku tūtakitanga ki a ia i ngā tau 35 ki muri, ā, i haere tonu tana tūtaki puku ki a ia mō ngā tau 8 tuatahi o tā māua marena. I kitea e au tēnei i ngā rā e rua i muri i te Kirihimete, mā te hopu i a ia i roto i ngā kōrero teka. Inaianei kei te kī ia "Kei te riri ia ki a ia anō mō te whara i ahau."

"Kāore au i te whakaae, kei te riri ia ki a ia anō nā te mea i mau ia, ā, inaianei kei te aro atu ia ki ngā hua. I mōhio ia he mamae taku mahi, heoi i whiriwhiria e ia kia pērā, i ia wā, i ia wā. I a māua tuatahi i tūtaki ai, he kōwhiringa tāna, kia kī mai kāore ia e wātea ana, engari i whiriwhiria e ia kia tinihanga, kia mauheretia ahau i roto i tētahi marena i kī mai ai ia e aroha ana ia ki ahau, ā, ko au anake te wahine māna. I mōhio ia mai anō."

"Ki te whaki tetahi i tana ake hara, he tohu tino pouri tēnā. Ki te mea ka whaki noa ia i muri i tana hopukanga, tera pea ko ngā hua ka pā ki tōna pouri, kaua ko te mahi tonu."
—Dr. Ian Kerner, kaiwhakaora hinengaro mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine

4. Ngā hua ka pā ki a rātou

He maha ngā wā ka pā te pouri o te tangata tinihanga ki te pānga kino. I ngaro rānei tō rāua whanaungatanga, i murua rānei rātou e tōna hoa? Mena ka whakarērea tonutia te tangata tinihanga, ā, ka ngaro te whakaute o tōna kāinga, o tōna whānau, me ōna hoa, he nui ake te tūponotanga o te pouri. Mena ka murua e te hoa tā rātou tinihanga ā, ka whakahokia mai anō rātou me te kore he pānga kino, tērā pea kāore rātou e tino pouri.

I ētahi wā, pērā i te take o taku hoa, o Tara, ka taea e te kaha o ngā hua te whakamā ake i te tangata. Nā te whakahaere i tētahi kereme ture, tana mahi e iri ana i te pauna, te ngaronga o tōna whānau, i kore ai te tāne a Tara e whakama ki tāna i mahi. Nā te mea he tangata ia kāore he mea hei ngaro, i whakaae ia ki tāna i mahi ai me te whakaaro "āe, kāti rā".

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5. Ō rātou kare ā-roto ki tō rātou hoa matua

Ko te āhua o te whanaungatanga o te tangata ka whakatau i ōna kare ā-roto mō tā rātou whiringa ki te tinihanga i tā rātou hoa. Hei tauira, ki te mea kei roto te tangata i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha, ā, ka whiriwhiri ia ki te tinihanga hei whakahihiri, hei rongoā rānei mō te hoha, tera pea ka nui ake tōna pouri mō āna mahi i te tangata kei roto i tētahi raruraru kino, i tētahi raruraru rānei. hononga kinoE mea ana te kaiwhakaora whanaungatanga rongonui a Tākuta Esther Perel, "Ehara i te mea ko ngā tinihanga katoa ka puta i roto i ngā whanaungatanga pouri. Heoi, ko te hunga e tinihanga ana nā te mea e tino pouri ana rātou, he maha ngā wā ka pouri mō te tinihanga, engari kāore mō te mahi tonu."

Hei whakaatu i te āhua o te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora kore e taea ai te whakaiti i te pouri o te tinihanga, he kōrero nā Reddit. kaiwhakamahi e kī ana, "I tinihanga ahau nā te mea i tukinotia ahau i te tinana me te hinengaro, ā, kāore i whiwhi i te aroha mai i te whanaungatanga i hiahiatia e au, nō reira i kimihia e au i tētahi atu wāhi. I ngana ahau ki te wehe atu engari kāore i angitu. Ka puritia ahau e ia, ā, pērā tonu. Ahakoa rā, kāore he whakamārama mō tēnā, kāore i tika kia pērā ahau, engari ehara i te mea koinei te take i konei ai ahau ki te whakamārama i tēnā. Hei whakautu i tāu pātai, i taku tinihanga, kāore au i pouri. Kāore au i pouri, kāore au i hiahia ki te haere tonu i te whanaungatanga i roto i ahau nā te mea he tino nanakia ia ki ahau."

6. Tō rātou kaha ki te whakamārama i te take

E mōhio ana ngā kaipahua ki tā rātou i ngaro ai? — Mā te whakamārama i ā rātou mahi, ka taea e te tangata tinihanga te whakamārama i ā rātou hara

He Reddit kaiwhakamahi e kī ana, "I te wā i tinihanga ai taku tāne i ahau, i kī mai ia ki ahau i roto i tōna hinengaro he whakama ia engari he mataku nui ake mō te hopukina, engari i huna e ia, ā, i arotahi noa ki te pārekareka ki te wā. Kāore ia i hiahia ki te mutu kia mutu rā anō te mahi a te wahine, kia memeha noa iho, kia mau rānei. "Mēnā ka mutu taku mahi, ka oma ia ki a koe, nō reira i pai ahau ki te whanaungatanga kia puta rā anō tetahi mea."

He tokomaha ngā tāngata e kimi huarahi ana ki te whakamārama i te tinihanga nā te mea kei te tino pārekareka rātou ki te wheako, ā, kāore e hiahia ki te whakarērea. E ai ki te tohunga hinengaro haumanu, ki a Tākuta Robert Weiss, 'Ko te hunga tinihanga e whakamārama ana i ā rātou mahi me te 'Kāore taku hoa i aro ki ahau' me te 'He moepuku noa iho' he maha ngā wā kāore i te tino pouri. E kite ana rātou i ā rātou mahi he mea tika, ehara i te tinihanga.

7. Ahakoa he tikanga te tinihanga, he mea kotahi noa iho rānei

He hunga tinihanga rangatū ā, he rerekē te āhua o te pouri o te hunga tinihanga o mua. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Patrick Carnes, he tohunga mō te waranga moepuku, "Ko te hunga e tinihanga tonu ana ka pāngia e te māuiui kare ā-roto—arā, ka iti ake te pouri i roto i te wā. Ko te tangata tinihanga o mua ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka pāngia e te hara nui me te whakarihariha ki a ia anō."

Ehara i te mea ka kitea noa e te tangata tinihanga taunga ngā huarahi hei whakamārama i āna mahi, engari, i roto i te wā, ka ako hoki me pēhea te pana atu, te pehi rānei i ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri, o te pōuri rānei. I tētahi atu taha, ko te tangata e piripono ana ki tana hoa, tera pea ka pāngia e te whakama me te whakama mō te "hē kino rawa atu o tōna ao" ka pāngia ai ia.

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I runga i te āhua o te hara a tō hoa, te āhua o tō whanaungatanga, me tōna āhua, tērā pea kua mōhio koe inaianei mēnā kei te pouri rātou mō te tinihanga i a koe (me te nui o te pouri). Heoi, ka whakawhirinaki anō hoki ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri ki ngā āhuatanga i mua atu me muri i te tinihanga. Āhea te hunga tinihanga ka mōhio kua hē rātou, e pātai ana koe? I roto i ngā āhuatanga e whai ake nei:

He Take e pouri ana ia

I haere mai ia ki te whiriwhiri i tētahi koha huritau mō tāna wahine. He mea whakakatakata, kāore? I rite ki te aroha, tērā pea. He ātaahua ake te āhua o te rā whiti, he reka ake te kakara o ngā putiputi, ā, kāore au i te tatari kia ara ake i te ata kia kite mēnā he karere mai i a ia, he mēra reo rānei. I whakawhitiwhiti whakaahua māua, i ētahi wā tekau i te rā. Nāna ahau i mea kia pai, kia ataahua hoki. I maioha ia ki ngā mea katoa mōku, ki aku hoahoa, ki aku kākahu, ki ōku ngutu … I haere ahau ki te whare takaro me te tika o te kiore karaka, e ora ake ana, e pakari ake ana, ā, i aroha ahau ki te tangata e titiro mai ana ki ahau i roto i te whakaata. I aroha ahau, ehara i te mea ko ia anake, engari ko ahau anō me te ao. I tino harikoa ahau. E mōhio ana koe e kī ana rātou ko tētahi o ngā mea me tūpato ko te whakaatu i tō rātou harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Nā taku menemene kuware me aku titiro-kei-te-rangi-ahau i whakaatu i ahau.

Ahakoa rā, kāore e taea te huna i tētahi hononga mō te wā roa. I te kitenga o taku tāne, ā, i tana whakahē i ahau, ka whaki ahau. I kī atu ahau kei te aroha ahau, ā, ka neke atu māua ko taku hoa wahine i te aonga ake. Kua kōrero māua ko taku hoa aroha mō tēnei āhuatanga, ā, kua whakatakoto i tā māua huarahi mahi, ā, kua tae mai te rā. Nā te riri nui o taku tāne i taua wā, kāore ia i aukati i ahau ki te haere.

I tono whakarere ahau. Heoi, i whakakahore te wahine a taku hoa aroha ki te mahi i taua mea anō, engari i neke atu ia, ā, ka tīmata māua te noho tahi. I tino mōhio ahau ā tōna wā ka hoki mai anō hoki ia. I tīmata māua i tō māua ao moemoeā hou, ā, i te tīmatanga, he mea makutu. I taea e māua te kōrero mō ngā hāora me te kore e manukanuka ki ō māua kōrero o mua, i tunu kai mā māua tetahi mō tetahi, he rite tonu ia tina ki te rā, ā, i tino harikoa māua. I toro atu ia ki āna tamariki i ngā wā katoa e taea ai e ia, ā, i noho taku kotiro i ana wiki mutunga ki tōna pāpā. E whā marama i pahemo i roto i tēnei āhua harikoa, kātahi ka tīmata.

Ko tōna pouri mō te kore e taea te noho tahi me āna tamariki, te tirotiro i tana wahine e pouri ana (kāore ia i whakaatu i ngā tohu o te neke atu), te whakarērea rānei i a ia i te mea he maha ōna hoa me tōna whānau i motuhia te hononga ki a ia. I te ngaromanga o te whakaaro hou 'aue te ataahua o te ara ake i roto i ngā ringa o tētahi ki tētahi', i te wa i huri ai te moepuku hei mahi noa, i te wa i tīmata ai māua ki te kōrero he aha/ko wai ka tunu kai hei utu mō te tiihi hei tono me te waina i te moenga, ka tīmata tō māua 'ao moemoeā' ki te āhua o te marena o ia rā i mahue iho i a māua. Ko te ngākau nui, ko te huna whakahihiri, ko te tutu o ngā ahuareka tapu, ko ngā kaieke katoa o tō māua aroha kei te mate tere.

I hoki atu ia ki tōna whānau i mua i te mutunga o te tau tuatahi. Kāore i te pumau te whanaungatanga o taku tāne i taua wā, engari kua neke atu ia. I ngana anō māua ki te noho tahi, engari kāore i angitu. Ki te pono, e whakaaro ana ahau kua hē ahau.

Mō ētahi atu kōrero mō te āhua o te tinihanga me te pouri ka pakaru ai ngā whanaungatanga, pānuihia te kōrero katoa ki konei.

1. Te aro atu ki ngā pānga kare ā-roto

E mōhio ana rānei ngā tāngata tinihanga ki ngā mea i ngaro i a rātou i te tukunga i te whakawhirinaki o tā rātou hoa? E mārama ana i te kōrero mō tētahi hononga i whakapuakina i runga ake nei, ina tīmata te memeha haere o te harikoa me te whakahihiri o tētahi hononga, ka tūtaki ngā tāngata tinihanga ki ngā hua kare ā-roto o ā rātou whiringa. Ka taea e tēnei te whakaoho i ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri nui. E kī ana te tohunga hinengaro haumanu a Tākuta Janis Abrahms Spring, "Tērā pea ka pouri nui te hoa tinihanga ina kite rātou i te mamae me te tinihanga pono i roto i ngā kanohi o tā rātou hoa."

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2. Te ngaronga o te whakawhirinaki

Ko te whakawhirinaki te tūāpapa e hanga ai tētahi whanaungatanga pumau. I muri i te moepuku, ina kite te tangata tinihanga kei te uaua tana hoa ki te whakawhirinaki ki a ia ahakoa i ngā mea iti rawa, ahakoa kua whakatau ia ki te muru i tana hara me te tuku anō i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga ki te whanaungatanga, tera pea ka raru ia i te whakaaro whakararuraru, "I tinihanga ahau, ā, e pouri ana ahau."

Tākuta Shirley Glass, kaituhi o Ehara i te Hoa Anake, e kī ana, "Ko te ngaronga o te whakawhirinaki he whakaoho i te hoa tinihanga, e whakaatu ana i te hohonu o tā rātou tinihanga." Nā te mea hoki ka kite rātou i te uaua o te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, tera pea ka tino pouri mō te kawe mai i tō rāua whanaungatanga ki taua taumata.

3. Te tūtaki ki ngā pānga pāpori

Ka taea e te kore whakapono te arahi ki te whakahē me te pehitanga mai i ngā hoa me te whānau. Ina kore ō hoa e hiahia ki te noho tahi me koe, ina titiro whakahawea mai ō tamariki ki a koe, ina kōrero pakiwaitara ō hoa mahi mōu, ina kite koe i te mamae i roto i ngā kanohi o ō mātua, he uaua ki te kore e pāngia e ngā hua o āu mahi.

he aha ngā whakaaro o te hunga tinihanga mō rātou anō — Ka taea e te whakahē pāpori te whakaputa i te pouri mō te tinihanga

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Frank Pittman, he tohunga hinengaro, "Ka taea e te whakahē a te porowhita pāpori te whakanui ake i ngā kare ā-roto o te hara me te pouri i roto i te hoa tinihanga." Mena kei te whakaaro koe, "He aha ngā whakaaro o te hunga tinihanga mō rātou anō?", kia mōhio koe ehara i te mea ngāwari te aro atu ki te whakama pāpori. Ina kite te tangata i te ngaronga o ngā whanaungatanga nui katoa i roto i tōna ao i tētahi kōwhiringa hē, ka ara ake ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri me te whakama.

Te pānui e pā ana: Kāore e taea e au te wareware i te whanaungatanga o taku tāne, ā, e mamae ana ahau

4. Te mōhio kāore i te tika te mahi tahi

I roto i te wā, ka memeha haere te ātaahua o te moe tāne, ā, ka pātai te tangata tinihanga mēnā he pai ki te whakararu i tā rāua whanaungatanga matua. Ka tupu pea tēnei ina memeha haere te hou me te harikoa o tētahi whanaungatanga huna, ā, ka tīmata te tangata ki te kite he whanaungatanga noa iho te moe tāne, he rite tonu ōna pikinga me ōna hekenga.

I te wā rānei kua kitea te mahi taihara—hei tauira, ki te whakapā atu te hoa moepuku ki tā rātou hoa matua/hoa rangatira, ā, ka whakakitea ā rātou hara, ka taea e te tangata te pouri mō ā rātou mahi. E ai ki te kaiwhakaora whanaungatanga, ki a Tākuta Esther Perel, "He maha ngā tāngata e kite ana ko te moepuku he ngana hē ki te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia kāore i tutuki, ā, ka arahi atu ki te pouri nui."

Whakaahua mō te wā ka mōhio ai ngā kaipahua i tā rātou hē — Ina kite te hunga tinihanga i tā rātou he

5. Te aro atu ki te tūponotanga o te ngaronga o tā rātou hoa

Āhea te hunga tinihanga ka mōhio kua hē rātou? Kāore he mea e tere ake ai te pā o tēnei mōhiotanga i te mataku o te ngaronga o tā rātou hoa matua. Ina whakatau te hoa o te tangata tinihanga ki te neke atu, ki te wehe, ki te whakaaro rānei ki te whakarere, ka kitea e rātou te nui o tā rātou hapa. Ae, i taua wā, kua roa rawa pea ki te whakatika i ngā hapa, engari ko tēnei mate pea e iri ana i runga i ō rātou mahunga ka taea te waiho hei akiaki kaha ehara i te mea mō te pouri anake engari mō te huringa hoki.

6. Te wheako i te aroha ki te mamae o tō rātou hoa

"I tinihanga ahau, ā, e pouri ana ahau." Ka tīmata te tangi o tēnei kare ā-roto ina kite te tangata i te hōhonutanga o te whara i tā rātou hoa. I te kitenga i te ngā pānga o te tinihanga ki te whanaungatangaMā te mātakitaki i tētahi hoa e raru ana i te mamae o te tinihanga, me te ngana ki te tiki ake i ngā wahi o te ao i pakaru mō tētahi he nā rātou anō, ka whakaoho ake te aroha, ka puta ai hoki te pouri o te tangata tinihanga mō tā rātou kōwhiringa i mahi ai.

"Ka taea e te aroha te whakakī i te āputa i waenganui i te hoa tinihanga me te hoa kua tukua, ka poipoi i te pouri pono."
—Dr. Sue Johnson, tohunga hinengaro haumanu

7. He takahi te tinihanga i ō rātou uara

E mea ana a Tākuta Alexandra Solomon, he tohunga hinengaro haumanu, "He mea nui te whakataurite i ngā mahi ki ngā uara whaiaro; ki te kore e ōrite, ka arahi pea ki te whakama i a ia anō." Mena he pūnaha uara kaha tō te tangata tinihanga, ā, kua nohoia e ia i tōna oranga katoa, engari ka mutu tana mahi i tētahi mea kāore i te āhua i roto i tētahi wā ngoikore, ka rite ki te mea kua tukua e ia ngā mea katoa i tū atu ai ia, ā, ka puta he pouri nui.

E kī ana a Shincy, he kaipānui nō Cape Town, "I pāngia māua ko taku hoa e tētahi wā uaua. Whai muri i tētahi pakanga kino rawa atu, ka puta atu ahau i te whare ka haere ki te kāinga o taku hoa pai ki te moe mō te pō. I puta mai tētahi mea ki tētahi atu, ā, i mutu ake ko au te hono atu ki taku hoa o mua"Ko te ata i muri mai ko te rā tino kino rawa atu o tōku ao. I hoki ahau ki te whaki i ngā mea katoa ki taku hoa, me te inoi kia murua ōku hara. I roa te wā i mua i a ia e wikitoria ana i aku mahi, engari i tēnei tau kua hipa me ōna wero kua tata ake māua i mua."

ngā kōrero-tūturu-mō-te-whakaipoipo-me-te-tinihanga

8. Te mōhio ki te pānga ki ngā tamariki

Āhea ka mōhio ngā kaipahua ki ngā mea i ngaro i a rātou? Ko te mea tino mamae o te whakatau i ngā hua o te tinihanga mō te kaipahua ko te mārama ki te kino i pā ki ā rātou tamariki nā ā rātou mahi. Ina tīmata te kaipahua ki te kite ka pakaru pea tō rātou whānau nā te mea i mahia e rātou, ka kite rānei i ā rātou tamariki e pāngia ana e te mamae me te pōhēhē i puta mai i te raruraru i waenganui i ō rātou mātua, ka ara ake ngā kare ā-roto o te whakarihariha ki a rātou anō me te pouri nui. Koinā te wā ka mamae te hunga tinihanga te mea tino nui. E whakaae ana te tohunga hinengaro a Tākuta Joshua Coleman, ā, e mea ana, "Ko te mōhio ka taea e ā rātou whanonga te whakararuraru i te oranga o ā rātou tamariki ka waiho hei pūtake nui o te pouri."

9. Te wheako i te mutunga o te mahi

te te mutunga o tētahi mahi whakaipoipo Ka taea hoki e ia te whakaoho i te pouri mō te tinihanga. Mēnā ka whakatau te hoa moepuku ki te whakamutu i te moepuku, ka rongo pea te tangata tinihanga i te ngaronga, ā, ka pātai i āna whakatau. Mēnā ka hurahia te moepuku, ā, ka tae ki tōna mutunga kore, ka waiho te pānga o ngā hua ki te tangata kia whakaaro mēnā he tika te utu mō te harikoa me te whakahihiri poto. Waihoki, ki te whiriwhiri te tangata ki te whakamutu i tā rātou moepuku, tera pea nā te mea kei te raru kē rātou i te hara.

I roto i ēnei āhuatanga katoa, tera pea ka pāngia te tangata e te pouri mō āna mahi. E ai ki te tākuta hinengaro, a Tākuta Scott Haltzman, "Ka taea e te mutunga o tētahi hononga ā-ira te waiho i te tangata kia raru i ngā kare ā-roto o te korekore me te pouri." Mena ka mutu te hononga ā-ira i mua i te kitenga, ka taea e ēnei kare ā-roto te whakatenatena i te tangata kia whakatika i āna hapa (me te whaki, me te kore rānei) me te whakapau kaha ki te poipoi i tōna whanaungatanga ki tōna hoa matua.

Te pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Tohu Kua Mutu Tō Take (Ā, Mō Ake Tonu)

10. Te aro atu ki ngā pānga ture, pūtea rānei

Āhea te wā e tino pouri ai ngā tāne mō te tinihanga? Ina hoki, ina arahi te kore whakapono ki ngā pakanga ture me ngā taumahatanga pūtea nā te whakarere me te utunga o te moni tautoko/tiaki, ka kite rānei te tangata i te kino o te mahi. te ora i muri i te wehenga āhua. Ahakoa he tangata tinihanga auau te tangata, mā ēnei pānga ka kitea e rātou te hē o ā rātou mahi, ka puta ai hoki te pouri mō ā rātou mahi. E ai ki te kaiwhakaora marena, ki a Tākuta Paul Hokemeyer, he kaiwhakaora marena, "Ko ngā hua tūturu o te kore whakapono he whakamahara nui ki ngā utu o te tinihanga."

Tohutohu Matua

Ka pā te haumitanga kare ā-roto, ngā uara whaiaro, te urupare hara, me te āhua o te kitenga o te whanaungatanga ki te tangata tinihanga mēnā ka pouri ia.
Tērā pea ka pouri te hunga tinihanga i ā rātou mahi ina ngaro te whakawhirinaki, te whakama o te hapori, me te raruraru o ngā whanaungatanga.
Ka memeha haere te harikoa, ka tau te ao tūturu, ā, ka kite rātou i te whakararuraru o ā rātou mahi i tō rātou whanaungatanga matua.
Ina wehe atu tā rātou hoa rangatira, ka pāngia ngā tamariki, ka pāngia rānei rātou e ngā pānga kino, ka kaha ake te pouri

Thoughts Final

Mā te mārama ki ēnei āhuatanga ka taea te mārama ki ngā kare ā-roto me ngā kitenga uaua ka pā ki ngā tāngata tinihanga. Heoi, he mea nui kia arotahi ki tō oranga me tō oranga tinana. Mā te rapu tautoko mai i ngā hoa pono, i te whānau, i ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro ngaio rānei ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i ngā hua o te puremu.

Ngā momo tāne e toru e pāngia ana e te moepuku, me pēhea te mōhio ki a rātou

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.