33 Ngā Tohu o te Tinihanga-iti — Kei te hara tō hoa i ēnei?

I reira ahau, e tere haere ana i roto i te mea i whakaaro ahau he whanaungatanga hauora, ka tīmata ahau ki te kite i ētahi mea kāore i te tika. I tīmata katoa i ngā wā poto - he titiro whakapae ki te mata waea, he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hoa rawa i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori. I te tuatahi, i pōkaia e au, i whakaaro ahau he mataku noa iho ahau. Engari i a rātou e piki haere ana, kāore i taea e au te wareware i taua kare ā-roto i roto i tōku hinengaro. I taua wā tonu, ko te mea i whakaarohia he kore kino i tīmata ki te ahua he takahi i te whakawhirinaki, ka waiho ahau kia pātai ki te pūtake o taku whanaungatanga. Ā, i taku whai i ēnei pātai, i kitea e au e 33 ngā tohu o te tinihanga iti.

Mai i ngā "likes" harakore i runga i a Instagram ki ngā karere kuputuhi huna, ko ngā tohu o te tinihanga iti te āhua nei kei ngā wāhi katoa, e whanga ana i roto i ngā atarangi o tā māua hononga tino pai. Ko ia nekehanga ngawari, ko ia taunekeneke huna rānei i whakatō i ngā purapura o te ruarua, e memeha haere ana te whakawhirinaki i kaha ahau ki te hanga. Koira te wā i mōhio ai ahau ki te kino o te tinihanga iti.

Mena, pērā i ahau, kua pāngia koe e te whakapae iti kei te aro nui tō hoa ki ētahi atu, ahakoa kāore anō rātou kia takahi i ngā rohe o te pono i roto i te whanaungatanga, kia tūpato. I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka rukuhia e mātou ēnei tohu 33 o te tinihanga iti me ngā tirohanga mai i a Dhriti Bhavsar (he tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro, he tohungatanga ki te Hinengaro Haumanu), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga, te tohutohu i mua i te marena, ngā take LGBTQ, me te wehenga.

He aha te tinihanga iti i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Ko te tinihanga iti e pā ana ki tētahi raupapa o ngā mahi, ngā whanonga rānei, ina tirohia ngātahitia, e tohu ana i te takahi i te whakawhirinaki, i te puremu kare ā-roto rānei i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha. Tērā pea ka kiia he tinihanga ngāwari. He rerekē ki ngā momo tinihanga tuku iho, e uru ana ki te whanaungatanga ā-tinana ki tētahi i waho o te whanaungatanga, ko te tinihanga iti e aro ana ki ngā mahi ngawari e whakakorekore ana i ngā rohe o te whakapau kaha me te pono o te kare ā-roto.

Hei whakautu i te pātai, he aha te tinihanga iti, e kī ana a Dhriti, "Ka rerekē pea ēnei mahi, mai i te tuku karere kuputuhi huna me te takaro ki ētahi atu i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori ki te huna i ētahi āhuatanga o te oranga whaiaro o te tangata i tā rātou hoa. Ko ētahi atu tauira ko te pupuri i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto tata ki tētahi hoa o mua, te teka pinepine mō te wāhi kei reira, ngā mahi rānei, me te whakaiti i te hiranga o ngā taunekeneke ki tētahi atu i waho o te whanaungatanga."

Pānui e pā ana: Kāore e taea e au te wareware i te whanaungatanga o taku tāne, ā, e mamae ana ahau

"Ahakoa te āhua harakore, te āhua iti rānei o ia mahi, ka taea e te pānga tāpiri te whakaiti i te whakawhirinaki me te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e te tinihanga iti te arahi ki ngā kare ā-roto o te tinihanga, te hae, me te kore haumaru, ā, ka mutu, ka pakaru te turanga o te whakawhirinaki e hanga ana i ngā whanaungatanga hauora."

"He mea nui kia mōhiotia ko ngā tirohanga mō te tinihanga iti ka rerekē i waenga i te tangata me te tokorua, ā, ko te whanonga e kiia ana he whanonga kino ki tētahi tangata ka kitea pea he takahi nui i te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi atu. He mea nui te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera me te māramatanga ki ngā rohe hei aro atu me te whakatau i ngā take e pā ana ki te tinihanga iti i roto i te whanaungatanga."

He aha te kino o te tinihanga iti ki te whanaungatanga

Ahakoa te āhua korekore o te tinihanga iti, ka pā kino pea ki te hauora me te pumau o te whanaungatanga. Mā te maha o ngā mahi me ngā whanonga ngawari, ka memeha te whakawhirinaki, te whanaungatanga piripono, me te hononga kare ā-roto i waenga i ngā hoa. Mai i te whakatipu hae me te kore haumaru ki te whakararu i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, ka tere te piki haere o ngā pānga kino o te tinihanga iti, ka waiho hei tūmomo mōrearea nui ki te turanga o tētahi whanaungatanga.

• Te memeha o te whakawhirinakitanga: Ka whakaitihia te whakawhirinaki i waenga i ngā hoa e te tinihanga iti, nā te mea he mahi huna, he mahi tinihanga rānei e tohu ana i te takahi i te herekoretanga.
• Momotu kare-a-roto: Mā te tinihanga iti ka arahi pea ki te tawhiti kare ā-roto i waenga i ngā hoa, nā te mea ka nui ake te aro o tētahi, o rāua rānei ki ngā taunekeneke i waho o te whanaungatanga.
• Te hae me te kore haumaru: Mā te whakapae tonu mō te tinihanga iti ka whakatupu te hae me te kore whakawhirinaki, ka hanga he taiao paitini e whakararu ana i te tipu me te pumau o te whanaungatanga.
• Te pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero: Engari i te aro nui ki ngā āwangawanga me ngā take i roto i te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā ka arahi te tinihanga iti ki te pakaru o te whanaungatanga, i te mea ka noho māharahara pea ngā hoa, ka āwangawanga rānei ki te kōrero mō ō rātou kare ā-roto me ō rātou rohe
• Te hekenga o te whanaungatanga piripono: I roto i te wā, ka taea e te kohikohinga o ngā whanonga tinihanga iti te whakaiti i te whanaungatanga piripono i waenga i ngā hoa, ka uaua ai te pupuri i te hononga kare ā-roto kaha me te wairua piripono.
• Mōrearea o te pikinga ake: Ahakoa he iti noa iho te tīmatanga o te tinihanga iti, ka taea te piki ake hei tinihanga tinana ki te kore e tiakina, ā, ka arahi pea ki te kino kore e taea te whakatika ki te whanaungatanga.

Pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Mea e Tupu Ana i roto i ngā Hononga Kore Whakawhirinaki

33 Ngā Tohu o te Tinihanga Iti — Ngā Tohu Whero Kaua e Whakarērea

I roto i te ao pōhēhē o ngā whanaungatanga hou, he maha ngā kōrero a ngā nekehanga ngawari. Hei tauira, i roto i te ao o te tinihanga iti, ka taea e ngā mahi kāore he kino te tohu i ngā take hohonu e pupū ake ana i raro i te mata. Mai i ngā "like" iti i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori ki ngā whakawhitiwhiti tuhinga huna, tera pea he iti noa iho ēnei tohu kino i te tirohanga tuatahi.

Heoi, ko ēnei tohu tinihanga iti nei he whakatūpato puku, e akiaki ana i a tātou kia kaua e whakakorekore i te memeha haere o te whakawhirinaki me te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i ō tātou whanaungatanga. I tēnei wāhanga, ka hurahia e mātou ngā tohu e 33 o te tinihanga iti nei e hiahia ana kia arohia e tātou, kia mataara hoki, nā te mea ki te kore e aro ki a rātou, ka pā kino pea ki te hanganga o ā tātou hononga.

1. Te huna i te mata o tā rātou waea pūkoro, te anga rānei ki raro ina tata koe

E mōhio ana koe ki taua wā e okioki ana kōrua ko tō hoa, ā, ka ngaro whakarere atu tā rāua waea pūkoro i te tirohanga, me te mata e anga ana ki raro me te mea kei te huna i tētahi mōhiohio tino ngaro? Ae, tera pea he ahua harakore taua nekehanga, engari he tohu tino ngaro pea. He whakaaro noa iho koe, he mea rānei e huna ana e rātou tētahi mea i a koe? Ki te taea e koe te hono atu ki tēnei, tera pea kei te pāngia koe e te tinihanga iti.

Pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Tohu o te Whakawhitiwhiti Kōrero Kino i roto i te Hononga

He tino tika te kōrero a Dhriti mō te āhua o te huna i te waea pūkoro hei whakaoho i ētahi feaa nui: "Ehara i te mea ko te huna noa i tō rātou mata i a koe; engari ko te mea e tohu ana - he kore tuwhera. Ka tīmata koe ki te pātai mēnā he kōrero huna kei te haere e pai ana rātou ki te huna. Ā, he pono, kāore taua momo āwangawanga e hanga i tētahi kōhanga whakamarie o te whakawhirinaki me te whanaungatanga."

Nō reira, ahakoa e tautoko ana tātou katoa i te tūmataitinga o tētahi ki tētahi, he mea tika kia aro atu ki te wā e tīmata ana rātou ki te huna i tā rātou waea mai i a koe. Nā te mea ina tīmata te pōuri o ngā ara whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ehara i te tohu pai mō te heke mai o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Nā te mea, ko te pono me te māramatanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ngā mea nui. Ā, ko tēnei momo huna pea tētahi o ngā tohu tōmua o te kore pono i roto i te whanaungatanga.

2. Te muku pinepine i ngā karere kuputuhi, i ngā rangitaki waea rānei

He tinihanga te muku karere? Āe, kāore pea i te tikanga tuku iho, engari he tino pōuriuri te āhua. Ae, ka mukua e tātou katoa ngā karere i ētahi wā, ahakoa hei whakawātea wāhi, hei whakapai noa rānei i ngā mea. Engari ina noho hei tikanga noa, ka tīmata te ahua he tohu tuatahi o ngā tohu kino maha. Me te mea kei te huna e rātou ō rātou tapuwae matihiko, ka waiho koe kia whakaaro he aha tā rātou e huna ana.

Kia pono tātou, kāore taua momo huna e karanga ana "whakapono mai ki ahau." Ka whakatōkia ngā purapura o te ruarua ki roto i tō hinengaro, ka pātai koe he aha rātou e hiahia ana ki te muru tonu i ngā mea kua tuhia. Ina koa mēnā kei ētahi tāngata aua karere, kei ngā hāora rerekē rānei. Nō reira, ahakoa ehara te muku i ngā karere i te tinihanga katoa, he tino rite ki te tinihanga ngāwari.

Pānui e pā ana: Tinihanga iti: Te tikanga, ngā tauira, ngā tohu, me ngā huarahi ki te mahi tahi

3. Te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whakakatakata, whakahihiri rānei ki ētahi atu i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori

He rite te pāpāho pāpori ki te wāhi inu o ēnei rā, te wāhi e huihui ai tātou katoa ki te pupuhi hau me te whakapuaki i ngā meme ngeru. Engari ina tīmata aua kōrerorero harakore ki te huri hei wāhi whakaipoipo, āe, ka tīmata te āhua pōrearea. Ko te pēhi i te pātene ngākau, te waiho rānei i tētahi kōrero whakahihi i ia wā, i ia wā, ehara i te mutunga o te ao. Engari ina tīmata te memeha haere o ngā rārangi i waenga i te kōrero kino me tētahi atu mea, ka tīmata te uaua o te whanaungatanga.

Kāore he tangata e hiahia ana ki te whakaaro kei te takaro tuarua rātou ki ngā kaiwhaiwhai ipurangi a tō rātou hoa. He wero ngawari ki te ngākau, ka waiho koe kia whakaaro kei hea koe e tū ana i roto i ō rātou kanohi. Nō reira, ahakoa te āhua o te pāpāho pāpori he papa tākaro mutunga kore, he mea tika kia tūpato ki aua tohu tinihanga iti.

4. Te nui rawa o te pai me te tuku kōrero ki ngā whakaahua ātaahua o tētahi atu

Kei te pai tō hoa ki ngā whakaahua ātaahua o ngā kōtiro, o ngā tāne rānei, ā, kei te tuku kōrero anō hoki? Ā, kei te kī rānei rātou he kōrero noa iho tēnei i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori? Ki te mea he maha ā rātou mahi pēnei, he mea tika kia pātaihia ā rātou mahi me tā rātou whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga.

Whakaarohia noa iho — i ia wā ka pato rua tō hoa ki te pikitia o tētahi atu, he rite ki te takaro mariko i muri i tō tuara engari e kitea ana e te ao matihiko. Tērā pea ka tīmata koe ki te ruarua i a koe anō, ki te whakaaro rānei mēnā kei te nui rawa ōu tauhohenga.

Dhriti Bhavsar, kaimätai hinengaro tohutohu

"Engari kāore e taea te ārai i te kare ā-roto o tō hoa. Ā, me pono koe ki a koe anō. Ki te whakaaro koe he whanonga hē te whanonga a tō hoa, ā, ka kiia he tinihanga pāpāho pāpori , me whakamōhio atu koe ki a ia. Mā te pupuri i tēnei ki a koe anake ka kino noa iho tō whanaungatanga me tō oranga hinengaro," tāna tāpiri.

5. Te whai pūkete pāpāho pāpori, ngā kōtaha rānei huna

Nā, me kōrero tātou mō tētahi atu tohu matihiko o te kore pono i roto i te whanaungatanga – te huna i tētahi pūkete huna. He pono kei a tātou katoa te mana ki tō tātou tūmataitinga me te wāhi matihiko, engari ina uru mai tētahi kōtaha huna ki te whārite, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaara i tētahi tukemata. He aha te take e hiahiatia ai tētahi atu āhua huna ipurangi? Kei te hunaia e tō hoa tetahi mea i a koe? Ki te kore ia e mahi ana mā te CIA i tētahi mahi huna ngaro, ka uaua ki a koe te whakaaro i tētahi take tika mō tētahi ki te huna i tētahi atu pūkete pāpāho pāpori mai i tā rātou hoa, ehara i te takaro noa i te ipurangi.

Kia maumahara ki te āhua o Walter White o Breaking Bad , ahakoa tōna mōhiotanga pukapuka katoa, kāore i taea e ia te whakamārama i tana waea pūkoro tuarua, ahakoa te kaha o tana ngana? Ko te pono, kāore ia i te moepuku, engari he tino mārama te teka, ā, he mārama kei te pā kino ki tana marena. Ahakoa pai, ahakoa kāore, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu ngaro o te tinihanga ngawari.

6. Te huna i te tūnga whanaungatanga i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori

Ka haria tātou e tēnei ki tētahi atu kēmu ipurangi huna — te huna i tō tūnga whanaungatanga ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori. Ae, ko ētahi e pai ake ana ki te huna i ō rātou oranga whaiaro, ā, he pai tēnā. Engari ina huri whakarere te tūnga whanaungatanga o tō hoa rangatira ki te koretake i runga i tā rātou kōtaha, me te mea kei te poipoia e rātou he haki whero i roto i te hau matihiko.

He aha te take ohorere o te hiahia kia hunaia ōu ake kōrero? Kei te pupuri tonu rātou i ā rātou kōwhiringa kia tuwhera, engari kei te huna tonu koe i a rātou anō? Ahakoa he mea nui te tūmataitinga, ahakoa i roto i ngā whanaungatanga pumau, he mea tika kia whakaarohia te pānga o te huna i te tūnga o te whanaungatanga ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori. Nā te mea ina hunaia e tō hoa tō rātou tūnga, he tohu pea tēnei o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga.

7. Te tuku karere puku, te tuku karere rānei ki tētahi

He tinihanga te kōrero ki tētahi atu kōtiro? He tinihanga te tuku karere kuputuhi ki tētahi atu tāne? Ko te whakatere i ngā wai pōuri o te pono i roto i ngā whanaungatanga hou ka rite ki te ngana ki te kimi i tō ara i roto i tētahi arai me te hipoki i ō kanohi. Engari anei tētahi ture koura hei whai māu ina ruarua koe mō te wā e tinihanga ai te tuku karere kuputuhi : ki te hunaia e tō hoa ā rāua kōrero mai i a koe me te mea ko ia te kai huna i roto i te tunu rongonui a Kui, āe, tera pea kei te takahi ia ki te rohe tinihanga iti.

Ka tino tika te kōrero a Dhriti, "Whakaarohia kei te tūtaki koe ki tētahi puranga kōrerorero tūmataiti kāore koe i mōhio kei reira - kōrerohia he whiu nui. He rite ki te kitenga kua noho takirua tō hoa i roto i ā rāua karere whakapā. Ka waiho koe kia whakaaro ki ngā mea maha: Kei te whakaaro noa koe ki ētahi mea? Kei te nui rawa ō tauhohenga? Kei te tinihanga tonu rātou i ahau? Ka waiho koe kia kuware, kia tinihangatia, ā, he kare ā-roto ēnei e rua i puta mai i te kore whakapono."

Ahakoa he mea whakamere te pupuri i tētahi mea ngaro, he mea tika kia whakaarohia te pānga o te pupuri i ngā mea ngaro i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Nā te mea ina tīmata te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te atarangi, ka tere te pōuri me te tinihanga o te wai o tō whanaungatanga.

8. Te whakaiti i te hiranga o ngā taunekeneke ki tētahi o te ira tangata kē

Ko te noho tahi me ngā hoa rangatira me ngā hononga ngaio ki ngā momo tāngata katoa he wāhanga o te ao whānui. Engari, ina tīmata tō hoa rangatira ki te whakatata atu ki tētahi o te ira tangata kē, ā, ka haere tonu te kī noa, "Āe, he hoa noa iho rāua", he nui te tūponotanga kei te tinihanga noa rāua. Whakaarohia - mēnā he kino noa iho aua taunekeneke pērā i te punua ngeru e takaro ana ki te miro, he aha te take e whakaitihia ai rāua? He mea anō kei te haere i roto i ēnei taunekeneke, pērā i te neke mai i te hoa ki te aroha?

Me te mea kei te ngana rātou ki te huna i te āhua o te hoa, kia waiho ai koe kia peke ki te whakatau. Nō reira, ahakoa he tino pai te whai hoa i waenga i ngā ira tangata, he mea tika kia whakaarohia te pānga o te whakaiti i aua taunekeneke. Nā te mea ina whakaarohia koe e tō hoa me te mea he iti noa iho koe, pērā i ngā toenga kai o inanahi, he taahiraa iti tēnei ki te taha o te kore whakapono.

Pānui e pā ana: Me aha koe ina kōrero tō tāne ki tētahi atu wahine

9. Te whakahua pinepine i tētahi atu tangata i roto i ngā kōrerorero, inā koa tētahi kāore koe i te mōhio ki a ia

Kia ruku tātou ki tētahi horopaki whanaungatanga noa: te āhua nei kāore e mutu te whakahua a tō hoa i tētahi tangata motuhake i roto i ia kōrero. Me te mea kei roto i tōna hinengaro tēnei tangata kotahi i ngā rā katoa, ā, kua tīmata te ara ake o ētahi pātai. Ināianei, he mea noa te kōrero mō ngā hoa, ngā hoa mahi, ngā hoa mōhio rānei – he wāhanga noa iho tēnā o te hanganga pāpori. 

Heoi, ina ko tō hoa rangatira te whetu o te whakaaturanga i ia wā ka kōrero kōrua, he mea nui kia āwangawanga. Nā te mea ina whakaatu tonu tō hoa i a ia ki te aroaro o te marea, tera pea he tohu kei te aro atu ia ki tēnei tangata. Kāore te hunga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e ārai i te whakawhanake i te aroha, ina koa mēnā kua roa ake te whanaungatanga i te rua tau. Ko tēnei whanonga tētahi o ngā tohu o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga.

10. Te pupuri i ngā taipitopito mō ā rātou taunekeneke ki ētahi atu kia kore e mārama, kia karo rānei

Ina huna tonu tō hoa i ngā kōrero taipitopito o ā rāua taunekeneke ki ētahi atu, ina tīmata rānei te karo i ngā pātai me te tuku whakautu koretake, he tohu tēnā kei roto pea rāua i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto . E kī ana a Dhriti, "He aha te tikanga huna-ā-ringa? Me te mea nei kei te āta karohia e rāua ētahi kaupapa kia huna ai tētahi wāhanga o tō rāua ao. Ahakoa he mea nui te whakaute i ngā rohe o tētahi ki tētahi, he mea nui kia mōhio ki te pānga o te pupuri i ngā mea kia kore e mārama. Nā te mea ina huna e tō hoa ā rāua taunekeneke ki te mea ngaro, ka pakaru te whakawhirinaki me te tuwhera e hanga ana i te turanga o tō kōrua hononga."

Pānui e pā ana: Ngā Take Matua e 10 o ngā Raruraru Hononga – Me te Take e Rahua ai

11. Te pupuri i tētahi hononga piripono ki tētahi hoa o mua

He tinihanga te kōrero ki tētahi hoa o mua? Āe, ko te whakautu kei te āhua o ngā taunekeneke me te nui o te māramatanga e puritia ana e te tangata ki tōna hoa mō ēnei taunekeneke. Ki te kore he rohe mārama, ka taea tēnei te waiho hei ara pahekeheke.

Ina kōrero tonu tō hoa ki tā rātou hoa o mua , ka puta ake pea ngā kare ā-roto o te kore whakamarie me te kore haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga o nāianei. Ko te pupuri i te whanaungatanga piripono ki tua atu i ngā rohe o te whakahoahoa platonic ka tohu pea i ngā kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia, i te kore rānei o te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga o nāianei, ā, he tohu tino tika tēnei o te tinihanga kare ā-roto.

12. Te whakatairite kino i a koe ki tētahi atu, inā koa mō te ataahua, te mohio rānei

Ina whakataurite kino tō hoa i a koe ki ētahi atu, inā koa i ngā āhuatanga pēnei i te ātaahua, te mohio rānei, ka iti te whakaaro ki a koe anō, ka nui hoki te taumahatanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa he mea nui ngā urupare whai hua mō te tipu whaiaro, ka kino, ka mamae hoki ngā whakataurite e whakaatu ana i ngā ngoikoretanga e kitea ana. Ā, ko te whakapai ake i tētahi atu i a koe he rite ki te tinihanga. 

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13. Te whakapau kaha ki te noho ko rātou anake me tētahi o te ira tangata kē

Kei te tinihanga te kōrero ki tētahi atu kōtiro? Kei te tinihanga te noho tahi me tētahi atu tāne? Āe, ki te rapu tonu tō hoa i ngā whai wāhitanga ki te noho ko koe anake me tētahi o te ira tangata kē, he tohu pea tēnei kei te hē tetahi mea i waenganui i a rāua. Ko te whakarite i te wā takitahi me tētahi atu i waho o te whanaungatanga kei roto i ngā tohu 33 o te tinihanga iti i roto i te whanaungatanga.

E kī ana a Dhriti, "Ina whiriwhiri tonu tō hoa i te wā takitahi me tētahi atu, he tunu mō te aituā - whakaarohia te hae, te kore whakawhirinaki, me te kare ā-roto e kore e ranea. Ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro he aha rātou i whiriwhiri ai i ngā wā noho takitahi i te wā kounga ki a koe. Me te mea nei, kāore koe i te ranea hei whakamātau i ō rātou hiahia pāpori? Ina rongo koe kua mahue koe, kua warewarehia, he ngāwari ki te pātai he aha tō aroaro kāore e tutuki i ngā hiahia pāpori o tō hoa."

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14. Te whakapuaki i ngā kōrero whaiaro, ngā kōrero whaiaro rānei ki tētahi atu i waho o te whanaungatanga

Hei tā tātou, ka totohe kōrua ko tō hoa. Engari i te whakatau i ngā raruraru ki a kōrua, i whiriwhiria e rāua te whakaputa i ō rāua ngākau ki tētahi o mua, ki tētahi rānei kua noho hei hoa mā rāua i runga ipurangi, hei ngana ki te tiki i tō rāua aroha. He maha ngā wā koinei tētahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato mō te tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ina whakapuaki tō hoa i ngā kōrero whaiaro, i ngā kōrero whaiaro rānei ki tētahi atu (ehara i te hunga i roto i tōna porowhita o roto, ko te tikanga) i waho o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea he takahi i te whakawhirinaki me ngā rohe anake, engari he tohu anō hoki e pai ake ana tō hoa ki te whakawhirinaki ki tēnei tangata hei whakamarie i ngā wā o te raruraru. He rārangi pōuriuri i waenganui i te tinihanga kare ā-roto me te whakahoahoa.

15. Te huna i ō rātou wāhi noho, i ā rātou mahi rānei i a koe

Ina huna e tō hoa tō rātou wāhi noho, ngā mahi rānei i a koe, ka puta ake pea ngā kare ā-roto o te kore whakawhirinaki me te manukanuka. Nā te mea ka ara ake ngā pātai whakamā: he aha tā rātou e huna nei? Kei te taha rātou o tētahi atu? Ko te huna i ō rātou wāhi noho, i ō rātou mahi rānei, tētahi o ngā tohu tinihanga iti e tika ana kia tirotirohia.

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16. Te whakapohehe ki etahi atu i to aroaro

He aha te tinihanga iti, ki te kore he whanonga ka taea te whakakore he mea kino engari ka taea te whakaoho i te koretake o te whanaungatanga? Whakaarohia te takaro ki ētahi atu i mua tonu i a koe - he mahi tinihanga iti tawhito. E whakamārama ana a Dhriti, "Ka mamae te mātakitaki i tō hoa e takaro ana ki ētahi atu . Ka taea e koe te whakaaro kua tinihangatia koe, kāore hoki i te whai hua, me te whakaaro he aha rātou e hiahia ana ki te aro mai i ētahi atu, inā koa kei reira koe. Hei tāpiri, he tino whakama, he tino whakaiti hoki te kite i tō hoa e mahi ana i tēnei ara i mua i a koe."

17. Te huna nui rawa atu i ā rātou mahi ipurangi

Ina nui rawa te huna a tō hoa i āna mahi ipurangi, ka puta ake pea ngā kare ā-roto whakapae me te kore whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga. He nui te tūponotanga ko tā rāua whanonga huna he huna i ngā mahi tinihanga. Ko te huna tonu tētahi o ngā tohu 33 o te tinihanga iti, nā te mea e tohu ana i te hiahia ki te huna i ngā whanonga kāore i te tika, i ngā whanonga āwangawanga rānei i a koe.

18. Te whakamahi i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo "hei ngahau noa iho" "he hiahia noa iho rānei"

Ina whakamahi tō hoa i tētahi taupānga whakaipoipo i raro i te āhua o te hiahia noa, te whakangahau rānei, he tinihanga iti noa iho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ahakoa kāore anō rāua kia tūtaki, kia taunekeneke rānei ki tētahi i runga i te taupānga. Ko te whakamahi i tētahi tūāpapa i hangaia mō ngā hononga aroha, moepuku rānei, he tohu kei te hiahia rāua ki te whiti i taua rohe. Ka taea hoki te tohu kei te whai hononga kare ā-roto rāua.

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19. Te whakapuaki i ngā katakata o roto, i ngā wā piripono rānei ki tētahi atu

Mā te kōrero whakakatakata, te kōrero whaiaro rānei ki tētahi atu ka taea te whakararu i te hononga motuhake me te whanaungatanga piripono i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa. Ko ēnei wā tahi te tūāpapa o te hononga kaha i roto i te whanaungatanga, i hangaia i runga i te whakawhirinaki, te māramatanga, me te motuhaketanga. Ina kōrerohia ēnei wā ki tētahi atu i waho o te whanaungatanga, ka taea te hanga i ngā kare ā-roto o te tinihanga me te kore haumaru, ā, ka taea te whakararu i te tūāpapa o tō whanaungatanga.

E kī ana a Dhriti, "Ka tino mamae pea te hoa e kite ana i tēnei whanonga. Tērā pea ka pātai rātou he aha te take e hiahia ai tā rātou hoa ki te whakapuaki i ngā wā whaiaro, ngā wā piripono rānei ki tētahi atu, inā koa mēnā i whakaarohia kia arohaina, kia puritia hoki ēnei wā i waenganui i a rātou anō. Tērā pea ka puta ake ngā kare ā-roto o te wehenga me te noho mokemoke, pērā i te tinihanga tūturu."

20. Te tuku, te whiwhi rānei i ngā whakaahua, i ngā karere whakaohooho

Ko te tuku, te whiwhi rānei i ngā whakaahua, i ngā karere whakaohooho, tētahi o ngā tohu tinihanga iti e tohu ana kei te tata tō hoa ki te whiti i ngā rohe o te pono i roto i te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore anō kia pērā. He mea mamae, he uaua hoki ki te whakaae ki ēnei momo taunekeneke piripono. Tērā pea ka mahue koe ki te whakaaro he aha koe kāore i te ranea mō tō hoa.  

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21. Te whakanui, te whakamihi rānei i tētahi atu

Mā te tuku mihi, te whakamoemiti rānei ki tētahi atu kāore e tukuna atu ki a koe ka puta te kare ā-roto o te koretake me te riri i roto i te whanaungatanga. He mea nui ēnei whakaaturanga o te whakamoemiti me te whakamana hei pupuri i te wairua hononga me te whanaungatanga i waenga i ngā hoa. Ina tukuna ēnei mihi e tētahi hoa ki tētahi atu wāhi, ka puta te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto , ka ruia hoki ngā purapura o te ruarua me te kore haumaru.

22. Te whakaputa pinepine i te kaupapa o te taatai ​​me tetahi atu i waho o te whanaungatanga

Ko te whakaputa pinepine i te kaupapa mō te taatai ​​me te tangata i waho o te whanaungatanga he tohu kei te pupuri tō hoa i tēnei hiahia, ā, ko tēnei, e tohu ana i te kore o te makona ki te whanaungatanga ā-tinana i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka waiho koe kia whakaaro mēnā kei te pirangi tō hoa ki tētahi atu. Ehara i te mea uaua ki te kite me pēhea e puta ai ngā kare ā-roto o te tinihanga, te kore haumaru, me te koretake. E kī ana a Dhriti, "Ina whakaatu tō hoa i te hiahia mō te whanaungatanga ā-tinana ki tētahi atu ehara i a koe, ka puta ake ngā kare ā-roto o te tinihanga me te whakakorenga."

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23. Te whai wāhi puku ki ngā mahi e mōhio ana rātou ka whakararuraru i a koe

Ko te whai wāhi puku ki ngā mahi e mōhio ana rātou ka whakararuraru i a koe, he mahi tinihanga hoki, ā, ka tino whakararu i te whakawhirinaki me te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga. He rite ki te kore aro ki ngā rohe hauora i roto i te whanaungatanga , ā, ka puta ake ngā kare ā-roto o te tinihanga, te riri, me te kore haumaru.

24. Te whakaiti i tō mana whanaungatanga ina taunekeneke koe me ētahi atu

Ki te mea kei te whakaipoipo kōrua engari kāore i te motuhake, i te mea kua roa kōrua e piripono ana ki tētahi hononga, he tohu noa iho tēnei kei te wātea rāua ki te tūhura i tētahi hononga aroha ki te tangata e kōrero ana rāua. Koinei te whakamāramatanga o te tinihanga iti.   

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25. Te pupuri i ngā koha, i ngā taonga whakamaumahara rānei mai i ngā whanaungatanga o mua

Ahakoa kāore koe i te tino mōhio ki te whakautu ki te pātai, "Kei te tinihanga te kōrero ki tētahi hoa o mua?", ka taea e koe te tino mōhio kei te tinihanga te pupuri i ngā taonga whakamaumahara. Mā te pupuri i ngā koha, i ngā taonga whakamaumahara rānei mai i ngā whanaungatanga o mua ka tino whakararuraru i te whakawhirinaki me te haumaru o te kare ā-roto i roto i tō hononga o nāianei. He maha ngā wā ka whakakīia ēnei tohu ki te uara kare ā-roto, e tohu ana i ngā wheako tahi me ngā hononga kare ā-roto ki ngā hoa o mua. Ina whiriwhiri koe ki te pupuri i aua mea, tera pea he tohu kei te kore e whakatauhia ngā here, kei te kore rānei e pai ki te whakapau kaha ki tō whanaungatanga o nāianei.

Ki te kitea tēnei whanonga e te hoa, ka ara ake pea ngā kare ā-roto o te kore haumaru me te tinihanga. Tērā pea ka pātai rātou he aha koe i hiahia ai ki te pupuri i ngā whakamaharatanga o ngā whanaungatanga o mua, inā koa mēnā kua whakapau kaha rātou ki te waihanga i te wairua motuhake me te hiranga i roto i tō kōrua hononga. Tērā pea ka ara ake ngā kare ā-roto o te koretake me te ruarua i a rātou anō, i a rātou e whakaaro ana mēnā kei te rite rātou ki ngā maharatanga me ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki ēnei taonga maumahara.

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26. Ngā rerekētanga o te wairua, o te whanonga rānei ina whiwhi karere mai i tētahi tangata

Mena kei te whakaaro tonu koe, "He aha te tinihanga iti?", kia mataara ki te wairua o tō hoa. Ko ngā rerekētanga o te wairua, o te whanonga rānei ina whiwhi karere mai i tētahi tangata motuhake, he take nui tēnei hei āwangawanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko ō urupare ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mai i tēnei tangata, tera pea he tohu i ngā hononga kare ā-roto, i ngā pakanga rānei e tika ana kia tūhuratia, kia whakatauhia.

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27. Te rapu tonu i te whakamana, i te aro rānei mai i ētahi atu

Mā te rapu tonu i te whakamana, i te aro rānei mai i ētahi atu ka pā kino ki te whanaungatanga, ka puta ai ngā kare ā-roto o te kore haumaru me te koretake i roto i te hononga. Ko te hiahia tonu ki te whakaū mai i waho ka tohu pea i ngā kore haumaru, i ngā matea kare ā-roto rānei kāore anō kia tutuki e hiahia ana kia arohia, kia māramahia hoki. I roto i te whanaungatanga pumau, me titiro rātou ki a koe mō tēnei aro me tēnei māramatanga. Ko te titiro ki ētahi atu tāngata mō te whakamana he momo tinihanga kare ā-roto.

28. Te whaki i ō whakaaro whaiaro ki tētahi atu, kaua ki a koe anō

Me kōrero tātou mō tētahi momo tinihanga iti engari he nui: te whakapuaki i ngā take whaiaro ki tētahi atu, kaua ki te tahuri ki tō hoa. Ko te whakapuaki i ngā uauatanga me ngā ngoikoretanga he wāhanga nui o te hononga kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga. Nō reira, ina rapu tautoko tō hoa i ētahi atu, kaua i a koe, he tohu tēnei kei te kore he hononga kare ā-roto i roto i tō whanaungatanga.

He pai te whakamārama a Dhriti: "Ina kitea e koe kei te whakawhirinaki tō hoa ki tētahi atu hei tautoko i ngā kare ā-roto, ka rite ki te wero i te puku. Ka tīmata koe ki te pātai he aha rātou kāore e haere mai ki a koe, ina koa mēnā kei reira tonu koe hei whakarongo me te whakamarie i a rātou. Ka taea e ia te whakaoho i ngā kare ā-roto o te kore haumaru me te hae, ka whakaaro koe he aha koe ehara ai i te tangata hei whakapā atu ki ō rātou whakaaro me ō rātou kare ā-roto hohonu."

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29. Te huna i ētahi āhuatanga o tō rātou ao i a koe

He momo tinihanga puku tēnei mēnā ka hunaia e tō hoa ētahi wāhanga o tōna ao i a koe. Ehara i te mea ko te pupuri i te tūmataitinga anake tēnei; engari ko te huna tinihanga i ngā kōrero. Ko te tuwhera me te māramatanga ngā pou hanga o tētahi hononga kaha. 

Ina tīmata tō hoa ki te huna i ngā mea, ka puta he tohu kino mō te whanaungatanga . Me te mea kei te hanga arai rātou, e pātai ana koe he aha te mea e tupu ana, me te take e hiahia ana rātou ki te pupuri i ngā mea ngaro. Ka taea e tēnei momo whanonga te whakaoho i ngā kare ā-roto o te kore whakawhirinaki me te kore haumaru, e whakaaro ana koe he aha atu anō tā rātou e huna ana.

30. He hiahia ohorere ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō, ki te ātaahua rānei hei painga mō tētahi atu

Mā te hiahia ohorere ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō, ki te ātaahua rānei hei painga mō tētahi atu, ka tino whakararuraru i ngā whanaketanga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, nā te mea e tohu ana tēnei i te nekehanga o te arotahi mai i te tipu tahi me te hononga ki te whakamana, ki te whakaae rānei ki waho.

Whakaarohia. Ki te tīmata tō hoa ki te haere ki te whare takaro, ki te whakahou i ōna kākahu, ki te tīmata rānei ki te mahi i ngā mahi whakangahau hou, ā, te āhua nei he mea hei miharo i tētahi atu, ka ara ake ngā tukemata. E tohu ana tēnei kei te whakapau kaha rātou ki te whiwhi whakaae, ki te aro rānei mai i waho o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ā, ka tino āwangawanga pea tēnei.

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31. Te whakarite mahere, te whakarite here rānei me tētahi atu, me te kore e kōrero ki a koe

Ina whakarite mahere, ina here rānei tō hoa ki tētahi atu, me te kore kōrero ki a koe, he momo tinihanga iti pea tēnei. Ehara i te mea he hapa iti noa iho tēnei — ka taea e ia te whakararu i te whakawhirinaki me te whakaute i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Kei te kite koe, ko te mahi tahi me te whakatau tahi ngā mea nui hei whakaaro he rōpū kotahi. Nō reira, ina kore koe e kōrerohia e tō hoa, ka tukuna he karere kāore he aha o ō whakaaro. Ka taea e tēnei te arahi ki ngā kare ā-roto o te kore aro me te riri i roto i te whanaungatanga.

E kī ana a Dhriti, "He tino mamae te kitenga kei te whakatau tō hoa i a koe e kore nei koe e noho tahi. Ka pātai koe he aha rātou i hiahia ai ki te aukati i a koe, ina koa kua roa nei e whakanuia ana e kōrua te māramatanga me te whakatau tahi. Ka taea e ēnei whanonga te mea ka waiho koe kia mahue, ka noho mokemoke hoki, i a koe e whakaaro ana he aha koe kāore i te whakaarohia he wāhanga nui o te tukanga."

32. Te whiwhi waea i te pō, i ngā waea huna rānei

Mā te whiwhi waea i te pō, i ngā waea huna rānei, ka taea te whakararuraru i te whakawhirinaki me te haumaru o te whanaungatanga. Ko te wā me te huna o ēnei waea ka taea te whakaoho i ngā kare ā-roto o te whakapae me te tinihanga, nā te mea e tohu ana he mea kei te huna e tō hoa, pērā i te whanaungatanga ā-roto.

33. Te tiaki, te karo rānei i ā rātou taunekeneke ki tētahi tangata/tāngata motuhake

Mā te noho ārai, te karo rānei i te pātai mō ā rāua taunekeneke ki tētahi tangata, ki ētahi atu tāngata rānei, ka tino whakararu i te whakawhirinaki me te tuwhera o tētahi whanaungatanga pumau. He tohu tēnei mō te kore e pai ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārama, ā, tera pea e tohu ana kei te huna e tō hoa tētahi mea, kei te kore rānei e pai ki te kōrero mō ā rāua taunekeneke.

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Me pēhea te whakatau i te tinihanga iti i roto i te whanaungatanga

He uaua pea te whakatau i te tinihanga iti i roto i te whanaungatanga, engari he mea nui te aro atu ki ēnei take kia pai ai te whakawhirinaki me te pupuri i te whanaungatanga hauora. Mā te whakatinana i ngā rautaki whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua, te whakatakoto i ngā rohe kare ā-roto mārama i roto i te whanaungatanga , me te whakarite i te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te aro atu ki te pānga o te tinihanga iti me te mahi ki te whakapakari i tō rātou hononga. Anei tētahi aratohu mō ngā mahi me ngā rautaki whai hua hei whakatau i te tinihanga ngāwari i roto i te whanaungatanga, hei whakamana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakatere i ngā uauatanga me te puta mai me te māramatanga hohonu ake tetahi ki tetahi:

• Whakaaetia o whakaaro: Kia mōhio ki ō kare ā-roto me te pānga o te whanonga tinihanga iti ki a koe. He mea nui kia aro atu koe ki ō kare ā-roto i mua i te ngana ki te kōrero mō te take ki tō hoa.
• He pai te whakawhitiwhiti korero: Kōrerohia mā te pono, te whakaute hoki ki tō hoa mō ō āwangawanga. Whakakitea ō kare ā-roto nā ā rātou mahi, me te kore e whakapae, e whakapae rānei i a rātou. Whakamahia ngā kōrero "ahau" hei whakaatu i ō kare ā-roto me ō āwangawanga.
• Whakaritea nga rohenga marama: Whakatūria he rohe mō ngā whanonga e whakaaetia ana, e kore hoki e whakaaetia i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Whakamāramahia he aha te tikanga o te tinihanga iti, me te matapaki i ngā hua o te whiti i ēnei rohe.
• Whakarongo ki tō hoa: Tukua tō hoa kia whakamārama i ō rātou tirohanga me ngā whāinga kei muri i ā rātou mahi. Whakamātauria te whakarongo kaha, me te ngana ki te mārama ki ō rātou tirohanga me te kore e pokanoa, e whakahē rānei.
• Rapua he awhina ngaio: Whakaarohia te whai wāhi ki te whakawā i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine hei āwhina i a rātou ki te wikitoria i ngā wero e pā mai ana i te tinihanga iti. Ka taea e te rōpū tuatoru te whakarato i ngā māramatanga me ngā rautaki hei whakatika i ngā take matua me te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki.
• Hangaia te whakawhirinaki: Ko te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki he mea nui te wā me te kaha mai i ngā hoa e rua. Kia manawanui tetahi ki tetahi, me te whakaatu i te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga mā te mahi tonu. Whakakahangia ngā whanonga pai, me te kōrero tuwhera mō te ahunga whakamua me ngā ngoikoretanga.
• Arotahi ki te whanaungatanga: Whakangaohia te wā me te kaha ki te whakapakari i tō kōrua hononga hei tokorua. Whakauru atu ki ngā mahi e whakatairanga ana i te whanaungatanga piripono, te hononga, me te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi. Whakaritea te wā kounga tahi me te whakaū anō i tō kōrua piripono tetahi ki tetahi.
• Parakatihi muru: He mea nui te murunga hara hei anga whakamua i te mamae i puta mai i te tinihanga iti. Tukua te riri me ngā amuamu o mua, ka arotahi ki te hanga hononga hauora, pakari hoki.
• Arotakehia anō te whanaungatanga: Whakaarohia mēnā kei te tutuki i te whanaungatanga ngā hiahia o ngā hoa tokorua, ā, mēnā kei te whakapau kaha ngā tāngata tokorua ki te aro atu ki ngā take me te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Mēnā e tika ana, whakaarohia te rapu tautoko atu, te arotake anō rānei i te heke mai o te whanaungatanga.

Ko te whakatau i te tinihanga iti me whai manawanui, mārama, me te hiahia ki te whakaoti tahi i ngā wero. Mā te whakatipu i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, te whakatakoto rohe, me te whakarite i te whanaungatanga hei kaupapa matua, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te wikitoria i te pānga o te tinihanga iti me te whakapakari i tō rāua hononga.

Thoughts Final

Hei whakamutunga, ko te whakatau i ēnei tohu 33 o te tinihanga iti i roto i te whanaungatanga me whai manawanui, mārama, me te whakapau kaha ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera. Mā te whakaae ki ngā kare ā-roto, te whakatakoto i ngā rohe mārama, me te whakarite i te kaupapa matua o te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te aro atu ki ngā take matua me te whakapakari i tā rātou hononga. Kia maumahara, ko te whakatere i roto i ngā wero pēnei i te tinihanga iti he whai wāhitanga mō te tipu me te whanaungatanga hohonu ake. Mā te mahi tahi me te whakapau kaha, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te wikitoria i ngā arai, te whakaū anō i tā rātou whakapau kaha ki a rātou anō, me te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga pakari me te whai hua.

Ko tōku hinengaro tōku ake reinga ora, i tinihanga ahau, ā, e pouri ana ahau

He rite te kore aro, te kore whakaute rānei ki te tinihanga i te hoa rangatira?

Kāore e taea e au te wareware i te whanaungatanga o taku tāne, ā, e mamae ana ahau

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.