He aha te tangata tinihanga ka tinihanga anō ai?

I roto i te kanikani uaua o te aroha me ngā whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā ka kitea tātou e nekeneke haere ana mai i te tinihanga ki te murunga hara. Te whakaora i ngā patunga o te tinihanga, te hanga anō i te aroha me te whakawhirinaki, me te tuku whai wāhitanga tuarua i roto i te aroha: Koinei ngā mea mamae e mahia ana e te tangata e tinihanga ana ki a rātou. I te mea he tokomaha e tinihangatia ana e te hunga e arohaina ana e rātou, tera pea koe e whakaaro he aha te tangata tinihanga ka tinihanga anō, me te mōhio ki te mamae i pā ki a rātou i te wā tuatahi. He pono rānei te kīanga tawhito "ko te tangata tinihanga kotahi ka tinihanga tonu"?

I roto i te ara hurihuri o te aroha, ko te whakawhirinaki te tīkiti koura. Engari, ina pakaruhia e te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ka taea e koe te whakahoki mai i te whakawhirinakitanga? He hiahia ā-roto tō ētahi ki te tinihanga, he āhuatanga hinengaro uaua rānei kei te takaro? Hono mai ki a mātou i a mātou e ngana ana ki te wetewete i te mea ngaro o te kore whakapono i tēnei rā.

Mā te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro haumanu a Nandita Rambhia (M.Sc. Psychology), he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT, me te kaiārahi takirua, ka rukuhia e tātou te hinengaro o te hunga tinihanga. Me tūhuratia ngā take kei muri i ō rātou kare ā-roto me ō rātou hiahia, me te tūponotanga ka hoki anō te hītori.

He Pono rānei "Mēnā he Tinihanga, he Tinihanga Tonu?"

Kua rongo pea koe i te kīwaha tawhito "Mēnā ka tinihanga koe, ka tinihanga tonu koe" e kōrerohia ana i roto i ngā kōrero mō te tinihanga. He kīwaha hopuhopu tēnei e kī ana, mēnā kua tinihanga tetahi i roto i tā rātou hononga o mua, ka hoki anō rātou ki te whanonga tinihanga i roto i ā rātou hononga o muri mai. Engari he pono whānui tēnei whakataukī, he tirohanga whakamāmā noa iho rānei mō tētahi take uaua ake? Ka taea e te tangata tinihanga te noho pono i muri i te tinihanga tuatahi? He tohu mārama kei reira ka tinihanga anō ia? Me pēhea te ora i te tinihanga i roto i te hononga ? Koinei ētahi o ngā pātai ka arohia e mātou i a mātou e kōrero ana mō te tinihanga i roto i ngā hononga aroha me pēhea te whakatau i te tinihanga a te hoa.

I a tātou e ruku hohonu ana ki ngā āhuatanga uaua o te kore whakapono, ka mōhio wawe tātou kāore he whakautu kotahi mō tēnei pātai. He panga te whanonga tangata, he maha ngā wāhanga, ā, ko te kore whakapono tētahi o aua mea. Ka huri te tangata, ka whanake ngā āhuatanga, ka huri ngā whanaungatanga, ā, i ētahi wā ka arahi ki ngā mahi pōrearea maha me ngā whanaungatanga e puta mai ana i te tinihanga.

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Tērā pea ka tinihanga anō ngā tāngata tinihanga?

I tēnei ao e kitea whānuitia ana te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha, he pātai tēnei e pupuri ana i ngā tohunga whanaungatanga me ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kia pukumahi, kia whakaaro ai: He tino ngāwari rānei te hunga tinihanga ki te whakahoki anō i ā rātou mahi tinihanga? Kia ngana tātou ki te mārama ake i tēnei pātai mā te karu tatauranga me ngā raraunga, me te tūhura i te tūponotanga o te tinihanga a meake nei me te hiahia ki te tinihanga.

• Ngā kaipahua kua whakahoutia ngā tatauranga: He aha te tūponotanga ka tinihanga anō te tangata tinihanga? E ai ki rangahau, tata ki te 25% o te hunga e tinihanga ana i roto i tētahi hononga ka tinihanga anō i roto i tā rātou hononga e whai ake nei. E whakaatu ana tēnei ahakoa he nui te tūponotanga ka hoki anō, kāore i te tino mōhiotia. Mā tēnei ka hoatu he tumanako ki a koe mēnā kei te tukanga koe ki te wikitoria i te tinihanga i roto i te marena.
• Ngā āhuatanga o te hunga tinihanga: Kua rukuhia e ngā tohunga hinengaro ngā tuakiri o te hunga tinihanga. rangahau i Te Pouaka Tangata-a-Iwi me te Hinengaro e kī ana ko te hunga whai āhuatanga whaiaro, pērā i te whakapehapeha, te hiahia rānei ki te rapu i ngā mea whakahihiri, ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka mahi anō i ā rātou mahi tinihanga.
• He pai ake te whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga: Ko te Journal of Sex Research kua tūhuratia ngā āhuatanga o ngā whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga. He mea whakamiharo, ko ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine e kī ana he pai ake ngā whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga, me te arotahi hou ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te whakapau kaha. Mā tēnei ka whakaitihia te tūponotanga o te tinihanga anō.

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Nā, he aha te whakatau? Āe, e mārama ana ko te kīwaha "he tangata tinihanga, he tangata tinihanga tonu" he whakarāpopototanga nui rawa atu o tētahi take uaua engari kāore i te tino pono, e waiho ana kia whakaaroaro tātou mēnā he tūponotanga te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi hoa i muri i te puremu. E ai ki a Nandita , "He rerekē te tūponotanga o te puremu o mua i ia tangata, i ia tangata, i runga i ō rātou āhuatanga me ngā āhuatanga o te whanaungatanga."

7 Ngā Take mō te Whakapono Rarangi

Nau mai ki te pūtake o te kaupapa, e hurahia ai te hinengaro whakamere kei muri i te puremu whakarara. Ahakoa ka tinihanga pea ētahi tāngata kotahi, ā, kāore e hoki anō, ka mau tonu ētahi i roto i te huringa o te tinihanga maha. He aha te mea e akiaki ana i ēnei tinihanga maha ki te wawahi i ngā ngākau me te whakawhirinaki maha?

E mea ana a Nandita, "Ko te hunga tinihanga pūmau, i te nuinga o te wā, kāore i te whakahaere i a rātou anō, ā, he hunga hiahia ki a rātou anō. Ka rite koe ki te mea kei te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tangata whakahihi . Ka pai hoki rātou ki te toi o te tinihanga me te mawhiti atu." Nā reira, me tūhura tātou i ngā take whakahihiri e whitu e whakamārama ana i tēnei whanonga pōhēhē. Kotahi te tangata tinihanga, he tinihanga tonu ia? Kia kitea!

1. Ka taea e te tangata e rapu ana i te whakahihiri te hanga i te hiahia ki te tinihanga anō

Ka taea te akiaki i te puremu raupapa e te tangata e rapu ana i ngā mea whakahihiri. Ko ētahi tāngata he mea hanga ki te hiahia ki ngā mea hou me te whakahihiri i roto i ō rātou ao, ā, mō rātou, ko te mahi tinihanga ka puta he pupuhi nui o te adrenaline. Ko te whakaaro ki te huna haere, ki te pupuri i ngā whanaungatanga ngaro maha, me te whakamātautau tonu i ngā rohe o tā rātou hononga matua ka huri hei kēmu whakahihiri. Ka noho tēnei whakahihiri hei whakawai, ā, ka uaua pea ki te tangata tinihanga te ātete i te kukume o ngā wikitoria hou.

2. Tērā pea nā te korenga o te whakatutukitanga o te kare ā-roto

He maha ngā wā ka puta te puremu ā-tauira mai i te korenga o te ngākau i roto i te whanaungatanga matua o te tangata tinihanga. Tērā pea ka rongo rātou kua motuhia, kāore i tutuki, kua warewarehia rānei i roto i te ngākau, ā, ka rapu whakamarie, i te whanaungatanga piripono, i te hononga kare ā-roto rānei i waho o tā rātou hononga. Ka taea e te mahi tinihanga te whakarato i tētahi okiokinga kare ā-roto mō te wā poto, ka meinga te tangata tinihanga kia rongo kei te hiahiatia, kei te whai mana, kei te māramahia hoki e tā rātou hoa i waho o te marena. Ahakoa he wā poto tēnei tutukitanga kare ā-roto, ka noho hei tikanga whakatau i te koretake o te ngākau i roto i tā rātou whanaungatanga o nāianei.

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3. Mena kei te tinihanga tonu tetahi, tera pea he raruraru herekore kei a ia

Ko te mataku ki te herekore he take nui pea mō te puremu. E wehi ana ētahi tāngata i te whakaaro o ngā whanaungatanga pumau mō te wā roa me ngā kawenga e haere tahi ana me aua whanaungatanga. Ko te whakaaro kia noho tahi me tētahi tangata mō te toenga o ō rātou oranga ka puta te manukanuka me te koretake, ka uaua ai te noho pono. Ka taea e tēnei wehi ki te herekore te arahi ki tētahi huringa o te puremu, me te waiho i te hoa o nāianei kia pātai mēnā ka taea e tā rātou hoa kore pono te huri mai i te tangata tinihanga-herekore ki te tangata tinihanga kua huri (mēnā he mea pērā kei te noho).

4. He aha te mea e hanga ana i tētahi tangata tinihanga raupapa? Te tino māharahara me te hiahia kia whakamanahia

Ka taea te akiaki i te puremu ā-taumaha e te koretake o te māia me te hiahia tonu kia whakamanahia. Ko ētahi tāngata kāore i te whakaute i a rātou anō, ā, e whakapono ana kāore rātou e tika kia arohaina, kia arohia rānei. Ka waiho te tinihanga hei huarahi hei whakanui ake i tō rātou whakaute iti mō tētahi wā poto. Mā te whai wāhi atu ki ngā whanaungatanga maha, ka taea e rātou te whiwhi whakamanatanga mai i waho me te whakaū i tō rātou hiahia. Ko te aro me te aroha e riro mai ana i a rātou mai i ngā hoa moepuku maha i a rātou e moepuku ana i waho o te marena ka mahi hei rongoā mō tō rātou ahua ngoikore ki a rātou anō.

5. Mā te mawhiti atu i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga ka arahi pea ki ngā hapa ōrite tonu

Engari ko te aro atu ki ngā take o roto i tō rātou whanaungatanga matua, ko ētahi o ngā tāngata tinihanga e whakamahi ana i te puremu hei huarahi mawhiti. Ko ngā raruraru whanaungatanga, pērā i ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ngā rautaki whakatau pakanga kino , ngā hiahia moepuku kāore i te makona, ka taea e rātou te rapu whakamarie i roto i ngā ringa o ētahi atu. Ko te harikoa o tētahi whanaungatanga hou ka tahuri ke i a rātou mai i ngā uauatanga e pā ana ki a rātou i te kāinga, ka whakarato i te whakamarie wā poto. Heoi, ko tēnei tikanga mawhiti ka mau tonu te huringa o te puremu.

6. Ka tinihanga ētahi tāngata i ngā wā katoa e wātea ana, e wātea ana hoki

He mea nui te whai wāhitanga me te wātea ki te puremu ā-tau. Mēnā he maha ngā wā ka tūtaki te tangata ki ngā āhuatanga ka taea e ia te uru atu ki ngā mahi moepuku i waho o te marena me te iti o te tūponotanga kia kitea, ka uaua te ātete ki te whakamatautauranga. Ko ngā āhuatanga pēnei i te porowhita pāpori e whakaaetia ana, he wāhi mahi e pai ana mō ngā whanaungatanga turekore, he ngāwari rānei te uru atu ki ngā hoa pea ka taea te hanga i tētahi taiao e nui ake ai te tūponotanga o te tinihanga. Ina puta pinepine ngā whai wāhitanga, ka whakamārama pea ngā kaipahua ā-tau i ā rātou whanonga moepuku, me te whakapono he watea rawa atu kia kore e whakaaetia.

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7. Ko te kore o ngā hua ka arahi pea ki ngā take maha

Ko te korenga o ngā hua nui mō ā rātou mahi ka taea te akiaki i te puremu rangatahi. Mena he iti noa te kawenga a te tangata tinihanga, he iti rānei te murunga hara me te māramatanga mai i tōna hoa matua, ka taea e ia te haere tonu i āna whanonga me te kore he whakaaro pouri, he whakaaro hara rānei. Ina kore he hua e kitea ana mō āna mahi, ka mutu te aro o te tangata tinihanga rangatahi mena kei te ora tonu te whanaungatanga matua, kāore rānei. Mā tēnei kore kawenga ka taea e ia te whakatenatena i a ia ki te haere tonu ki te tinihanga, ka waiho tōna hoa matua ki te whakaaro mena ka taea te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i muri i te tinihanga, mena he mea kore e taea te karo i te tinihanga tonu.

Mā te mārama ki ngā pānga o te tinihanga me ngā take kei muri i te tinihanga maha ka mārama ki ngā hihiri uaua e akiaki ana i te tangata ki te whai i tētahi tauira tinihanga mau tonu. He mea nui kia mahara he ahurei ia take, ā, he maha ngā āhuatanga ka taunekeneke hei pupuri i tēnei whanonga tinihanga tonu.

Me aha mēnā ka tinihanga anō tō hoa

Ka tūtaki pea te kore whakapono me te marena/ngā whanaungatanga i ētahi wā, ka waiho he ara o te mamae me te tinihanga. Heoi, i waenganui i te raruraru, ka whiriwhiria e ētahi te ara o te noho tahi me te tangata tinihanga kua whakahoutia, me te whakapono ki te āheinga o te whakaoranga me te whakahoutanga. Ka whakawhirinaki rātou ki tō rātou aroha ka hinga i te whakataukī 'he tangata tinihanga i mua, he tangata tinihanga tonu'. Ko te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki pakaru, te wikitoria i te tinihanga i roto i te aroha, me te whakahoki mai i te whakawhirinaki ki roto i te whanaungatanga ka noho hei whetu ārahi i roto i tā rātou haerenga uaua.

Ki ētahi, he nui rawa te taumahatanga, ā, ka whakatau rātou ki te kī atu, "kāti rā, kātahi ka haere atu." He tino mamae te whakaora i te tinihanga a te hoa i te wā kotahi, engari ko te tūtaki anō ki te mooni mamae mō te wā tuarua ka nui ake te kino. He āhuatanga tēnei ka waiho koe kia pōhēhē, kia mamae, kia tinihangatia anō hoki, ā, ka uaua ki te whakawhirinaki ki te hoa i muri i te tinihanga.

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He rite te whakawhirinaki anō i muri i te tinihanga ki te wikitoria i tētahi pakanga nui, engari ina pakaru te whakawhirinaki, ehara i te mea ka puta he mataku nui ki te whakawhirinaki ki ētahi atu, engari he tino uaua ki a koe te whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō. Ahakoa he nui rawa ngā kare ā-roto e puta mai ana i te tinihanga, he mea nui kia mahara ko te aro atu ki te tinihanga a te hoa he mea nui mō tō oranga, ā, he mahi anō hoki ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakatere i tēnei āhuatanga uaua. Ko ētahi tauira ko te whakaora me te whakaoho anō i te aroha i muri i te tinihanga, te haere atu, me te whiriwhiri i tētahi whanaungatanga tuwhera.

E whakaaro ana a Nandita ki ngā mahi whai hua me ngā whakaaro hei whakatau i te mamae o te hoa e tinihanga ana anō, me te ora tonu i te kore whakapono:

• Whakawāteahia te wā ki te mārama ki ō kare ā-roto, me te hiahia tonu rānei koe ki te haere tonu i te whanaungatanga. Tangohia te nui o te wāhi me te wā e hiahiatia ana e koe kia matara atu i tō hoa.
• Tīmatahia he kōrero pono ki a rātou mō ā rātou mahi me ō kare ā-roto, tae atu ki ngā mea e whakaaro ana koe me mahi mēnā ko te wikitoria i te mamae me te tinihanga te mea e hiahia ana koe ki te anga whakamua hei rōpū.
• Whakamāramahia te whānui me te rohe aronganui me ngā tumanakohanga mō te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i muri i te tinihanga
• Whakatairangahia te tiaki i a koe anō kia mau tonu ai te oranga ngākau
• Whakaarohia mēnā he pai te whakaora i te whanaungatanga. He pai te hanga anō mai i te tīmatanga, me arotahi rānei koe ki te tīmata anō me te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga whara ki a koe anō?
• Whakawhirinaki ki tō pūmanawa me te whakatau i ngā whakataunga e whakatairanga ana i tō harikoa
• Kia mārama ki ngā hua ka puta mai i te noho, i te wehe atu rānei
• Whakawhirinaki ki ngā hoa me te whānau mō te tautoko kare ā-roto; kaua e noho motuhake
• Whakawhanakehia he mahere mō te anga whakamua, ahakoa mahi tahi, mahi takitahi rānei. Ka taea e ngā ara maha te arahi ki te whakaora me te tipu whaiaro.
• Whakaarohia te whakaora i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, te kōrero rānei ki tētahi tohunga whanaungatanga hei aro atu ki ngā take piripono, hei whakaora i ngā patunga o te tinihanga, hei mārama hoki ki te hinengaro o ngā tāngata tinihanga.

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Ka taea e te tangata te huri i muri i te tinihanga?

He tino mamae te ngākau i te aroaro o te tinihanga, engari he tumanako anō kei te haere tonu te huringa? Ka taea e te tangata tinihanga te pono? He tangata tinihanga i mua, he tangata tinihanga tonu? Ko te whakautu? Āe, he ahua hurihuri noa iho. I tetahi taha, kei te raru koe i te whakawhirinaki i muri i te tinihanga, i tetahi atu taha, tera pea ka hiahia koe kia mahi tō whanaungatanga pērā i mua. Kei te tino tumanako koe ki ngā tohu o te tangata tinihanga e pouri ana.

E mea ana a Nandita, "He maha ngā kōrero whakaora i te whakaponokore. E hiahia ana ahau ki te whakapono kei ia tangata te kaha me te āheinga ki te huri mēnā e tino hiahia ana rātou." He maha ngā tohu o te tangata tinihanga kua whakahoutia: Ko ētahi ka tino ruku ki te whakaaroaro i a rātou anō, ka rapu rongoā, ka rapu tohutohu rānei, ā, e tino hiahia ana ki te huri. Ka kaha tā rātou mahi, ka ako mai i ā rātou hapa, ā, ka nui ake te aroha me te mōhio ki a rātou anō. Engari koinei te tirotiro i te mooni: Ehara te huringa i te taurangi. Ehara i te mea he whakatika tere, ā, ka hē pea ētahi ahakoa ō rātou whakaaro pai.

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E ai ki tētahi rangahau , he uaua te tukanga whakaora o te houhanga rongo, ā, kei roto ko te murunga hara, te rapu tohutohu, te whakahaere i ngā maharatanga, me te ako ā-ringa. E mea ana, "I te hanga anō i te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā ka puta he whakarerekētanga, ka hua ake he panoni i roto i te kaha o te mana." I te wa e rere ana i roto i ngā wai paru o te kore whakapono me te whakaora, he mea nui kia kitea he taurite i waenga i te tumanako me te pono. Ahakoa ka taea e te tangata te huri, me whai whakapau kaha, te mōhio ki a koe anō, me te whakapau kaha tonu. Ahakoa he aha te ara e whiriwhiria e koe, kia mahara ko tō harikoa me tō oranga tinana te mea nui rawa atu.

I roto i te ao o ngā whanaungatanga, he iti noa ngā mea e rite ana te whakamataku ki te tū atu ki te wairua o te kore whakapono. Mā te ruarua e ngau kino ai koe e ara ake i te pō, "Ka taea te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i muri i te tinihanga?" Kua haere mātou ki roto i tēnei arai kare ā-roto ki te rapu whakautu, ā, ko ngā mea kua hurahia e mātou ko ngā uauatanga tangata.

I a koe e eke ana i tēnei ara hurihuri, kia mahara he rite te ahurei o ngā whanaungatanga ki ngā tāngata takitahi o roto. Kāore he whakautu kotahi e tika ana mō te katoa. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te muru i ngā hapa o mua o te hoa, pērā anō hoki te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga roa. Whakawhirinaki ki ō kare ā-roto, whakarārangihia tō harikoa, ā, kia mau tonu te tīkiti koura o te whakawhirinaki. Ahakoa e whiriwhiri ana koe ki te hanga anō, ki te tīmata rānei i tētahi ara hou, ko tō oranga te kāpehu hei ārahi i a koe.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.