23 Ngā Tohu o te Whakakorenga o te Kare ā-roto i roto i te Hononga

He tino kino te whakatau i ngā tohu o te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka waiho koe kia raru ki ngā patunga me ngā kōhatu e roa ana te wā e ora ai. Koinei taku wheako ki taku hoa tāne o mua, ki a Rory, nāna i waiho hei tikanga māna te kī mai kua uaua haere te noho tahi me ahau i ia wā ka whakapuaki ahau i ōku kare ā-roto, ka whakapuaki rānei i ōku hiahia. 

I muri i tētahi pakanga tino kino, i mea ia me kimi e au he huarahi hei "whakakore i aku uauatanga" mēnā he pai ake te heke mai o te whanaungatanga. Ko tana whakaaro ki te tautoko i ahau i roto i ēnei uauatanga ko te homai i tētahi rārangi kiriata mō te hauora hinengaro. I kī ia kia mātakihia e au i te mutunga wiki. He waimarie nōku i tīmata ahau ki midsommar nā te mea i rite taua kiriata ki te whakaata o tō māua whanaungatanga. Kua pā ki ahau ngā tauira whakakorekore kare ā-roto katoa i taua kiriata me Rory. 

"He raruraru tō te katoa." Engari he tino mamae te whakarongo ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe e kī ana i tēnei i ia rā, hei whakaiti i ō kare ā-roto, ina koa kei roto kē koe i tētahi wā uaua. Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi mea tino mamae? He aha te huarahi tika hei whakautu ki te whakakorenga kare ā-roto? He pai te noho tonu me tētahi he tauira whakakorenga kare ā-roto? Koinei ētahi o ngā pātai i arohia e au i roto i tō māua whanaungatanga, ā, i muri mai hoki, e tino mōhio ana ahau he tokomaha ngā tāngata kua pāngia e tētahi mea rite i roto i a rātou. 

Hei whiwhi tirohanga whānui atu mō te whakakorenga o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te marena me ngā whanaungatanga aroha, i kōrero ahau ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro. Tākuta Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-roto. Nā tēnei i āwhina ahau kia pai ake te mārama ki ahau anō me taku whanaungatanga o mua, ā, ko taku tumanako ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i tō whanaungatanga. 

He aha te Whakakorenga o te Kare ā-roto? 

Ko te whakamana i ngā kare ā-roto ko te whakaae ki ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi atu tangata, ahakoa kāore koe e whakaae ki ō rātou kare ā-roto. He kīanga tēnei, "He tika ō kare ā-roto", ehara i te mea mā ō kupu anake engari mā ō mahi anō hoki. Ko te whakakorenga kare ā-roto te ritenga kē atu. Tākuta Bhonsle e whakaahua ana i ngā kare ā-roto whakakorekore i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga penei:

• Ko te mahi whakahē, tawai, whakakorekore, kore aro rānei ki ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi
• Ka taea te kōrero ā-waha, te kore kōrero rānei, e ārahi ana ki te tukino i te maimoatanga wahangu
• Tērā pea ka mahia mārire ina kore te tangata e whakakorekore ana i ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi atu e mōhio ki te mana o ā rātou mahi, o ā rātou kupu rānei, ina rānei he rerekētanga ahurea. Tērā pea ka mahia ā-tauiratia hei mahi whakamā, hei rapu utu, hei whakahaere i ngā momo āhua pāpori.
• Ko te hunga e uaua ana ki te whakahaere i ō rātou ake kare ā-roto, ka mutu pea ka huri ki te whakakore i ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga hei huarahi tiaki.
• Ki te mahia tonutia, ka taea te whakatau he tukinotanga

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ahakoa he rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro, mā te kōrero tuwhera me te whakaū i te whakaute ki te ahurei o tētahi atu tangata me te tika ki te whakatau." Te whakamana i ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e pupuri ana i te taurite o te mana i roto i te hononga mahi tahi, e poipoi ana hoki i te wairua o te makona, te harikoa, me te hononga; ā, ko te whakakore i ngā kare ā-roto, ko te ritenga kē te mahi. 

23 Ngā Tohu o te Whakakorenga o te Kare ā-roto i roto i te Hononga

Kāore e taea te whakakore kei te noho tātou i tētahi hapori e kitea ngāwari ana ngā tohu o te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto i ngā wāhi katoa, inā koa—he mea whakakatakata hoki—i roto i ō tātou hononga tino piripono.  

• E kitea ana te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto he hauātanga i roto i te hapori kua pakaru te kare ā-roto.
• Kāore i te miharo he tokomaha te hunga e pai ana ki te whakakahore whakamanatanga aronganui nā te mea kua whakamātauhia rātou ki te kite i te whakapuakitanga o ngā kare ā-roto he mea whakapouri, he mea whakama rānei
• I ētahi wā, ko te hua o te ngoikore ko te tangata e raru ana ki āna ake raruraru, ā, e ngenge rawa ana, kāore e taea e ia te tautoko i ngā kare ā-roto.
• Kāore rānei e aro nui ana te tangata ki a ia anō, ā, kāore e taea te whakanoho i ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata ki mua, ki waenganui hoki

Nā, me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei te whakakorengia ō kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Anei ētahi tohu noa e kore ai tō hoa e aro ki ō kare ā-roto:

1. Ka whakaitihia e tō hoa tō mamae — "Ehara i te mea kino rawa atu"

Ahakoa he mahi kāore i te āta whakaarohia, he mamae tonu te ngākau ina whakararuraru tō hoa i tō kōrua pakanga mā te tawai, te whakahāwea rānei, te te whakaiti i a koeKoinei tētahi o ngā tauira tino kitea o te whakakorenga kare ā-roto kāore i te whakaarohia, ā, he maha ngā wā ka kitea i roto i ngā hoa rangatira nō ngā momo papamuri tino rerekē. Ko tētahi take nui mō tēnei ko te āhua o te tinana e pā ana ki te tangata, e waiho ai tētahi take tika pēnei i te tukino i te kura hei mea whakakatakata mā tētahi atu. Tērā pea ka pērā rātou:

• Ina hiahia rātou ki te kī kāore tō raruraru i te nui — "Kua mutu kē. Ehara i te mea nui"
• Ina kitea e rātou he rorirori ō take nā te mea he ariā tauhou ki a rātou — "Ā, ka tīmata koe ki te tangi mōna? Ha ha ha"
• Ina whakakorehia ō kare ā-roto nā tō moepuku — "He tino Nancy Pants/pēpi/pēpi koe"

2. Ka whakakorea e rātou ō kare ā-roto — "Ka nui rawa ō whakaaro ki ngā mea katoa"

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu kino rawa atu o te whakakorenga o te kare ā-roto ko te wā ka whakakorehia ō kare ā-roto nā te mea kei te aro koe ki ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto, engari kāore tō hoa rangatira. Ko tēnei rerekētanga o te whakahaere a ngā hoa i ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tētahi o ngā ngā raruraru whanaungatanga tino noaTērā pea ka taea e tō hoa te:

• Whakapuakina tō aroha hei ārai — "Kati te kī, 'Kāore taku hoa tāne e aro ki ōku kare ā-roto!' He tino tairongo rawa koe"
• Tāutuhia ō kare ā-roto hei "āhuatanga" o tētahi hapori — "Kā koutou ngā wāhine/ngā tāngata GenZ/ngā tāngata whenua"

Te pānui e pā ana: Tohutohu a te Tohunga – Āhea me Whakamutu te Whakaipoipo

3. Ka whakataurite rātou i tō mamae ki ētahi atu — "Whakaarohia te iwi o Ukraine/Palestine/Iraq/Nigeria"

Ahakoa kāore anō kia hangaia he taputapu hei ine i te mamae o te ngākau o te tangata, he maha ngā wā ka whakataurite te tangata i te nui o te mamae me te mea he mea ka taea te ine. Ahakoa he pono he nui ake te uaua o te wheako o te whara i te tangata nō te rohe pakanga i te tangata e ngana ana ki te... te aro atu ki te wehenga, kāore i te tika te whakataurite i ngā mea e rua. Ehara i te mea kāore e āwhina i tētahi o ngā tāngata i pāngia e te pakanga, engari ka meinga hoki ngā tāngata katoa kia pehi i ō rātou kare ā-roto. Haunga tēnā, kāore ēnei whakataurite e whakamana ana i te wā me te pēhea e whakaaetia ai te pouri. Tērā pea ka kite koe i tō hoa:

• Aroha nui — “E mōhio ana ahau ki ō kare ā-roto. I te matenga o tōku pāpā … (ka uru atu ki tētahi kōrerorero 20 meneti te roa)”
• Te hanga i a rātou anō hei whakahihiko māu — "Tekau ngā wā i pāngia ai ahau e te kino i a koe, engari kei konei ahau"
• Te whakataurite i a koe ki tētahi tangata e mōhio ana rātou e kinongia ana e koe — "Aroha mai mōu, engari e mōhio ana koe ki tā Karen i mahi ai i tana pāngia e tēnei raruraru ..."

4. E ngana ana rātou ki te whakamārama i te āhuatanga me te wairua paitini — "Kei a koe tēnei" 

Ko tētahi atu huarahi noa e whakakorekore ai tō hoa i ō kare ā-roto, mā te ngana ki te whakahari i a koe ki huaora paitini me te whakakatakata. He pai te hihiri, engari pērā i ngā mea katoa, ka taea e te nui rawa o ngā mea katoa te tūpono he mea kino. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu e kore e aro nui tō hoa ki ō kare ā-roto, he mea tino kore pea e kitea e koe nā te mea e huna ana i te tirohanga whānui. 

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Me karo koe i te whakakatakata mō ngā mea ka whakaoho i tō hoa rangatira. He tino whaiaro te whakakatakata. Ahakoa he katakata pea ētahi o ngā tāngata kua roa nei koe e noho tahi ana, ka taea e rātou te whakapataritari, te whakaoho rānei i ētahi atu tāngata. I taua wā anō, ki te mea ka whakakatakata tō hoa rangatira e whara ai koe, me whakapuaki e koe tō riri ki a rātou." Ka ngana pea rātou ki te "whakamārama" i te āhuatanga mā te:

• Te whakaaro tautoko — “He aha koe i manukanuka ai kei whakakorea koe i te mahi? He nui taku whiwhinga mō tāua tokorua”
• Te whakamāori i tēnei hei wāhanga o te tukanga — "Ki taku whakaaro he wāhanga tēnei o te noho hei mātua, āe? He waimarie tātou"
• Kāore he wāhi mō tētahi atu whakaaro — "He whānau whakamiharo tōu. He aha atu tāu e hiahia ana?"

5. Ka ngana rātou ki te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto — "Kaua koe e pēnei te āhua"

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Tērā pea kei te mahi tō hoa i tēnei mea me te kore e mōhiotia, engari he maha ngā wā ka puta tēnei ina kore rātou e hiahia ki te whakatuwhera i ō rātou hinengaro ki te whakaaro he rerekē pea tō huarahi whakapuaki kare ā-roto i ō rātou." Ko te mea kino rawa atu, kāore pea tō hoa e mōhio kei te whara rātou i a koe mā te:

• Te whakaaro i tētahi whakakapinga mō tō kare ā-roto — "Kāore au i te whakaaro kei te riri koe. Kei te hiakai noa iho pea koe?"
• Te whakatenatena i a koe kia pehia — "Kāore he pai ki te whakaaroaro mōna"
• Te whakakore rawa i tō whakaaturanga o te kare ā-roto — "Kāore koe e āhua pouri"

Te pānui e pā ana: He momo tukino te whakama i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?

6. E kī ana rātou kei te mahi koe i tēnei hei aro atu ki a koe — "Kei te hiahia koe kia pai ake?"

Ina kore tō hoa e rite te whānuitanga o ngā kare ā-roto ki a koe, ina ruarua rānei ia mō ngā urupare kare ā-roto, ka whakaarohia e rātou tō whakaaturanga kare ā-roto hei tono kia arohia koe. Ina tupu tēnei, tera pea he uaua ki a koe te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto ki a rātou. Ka whakakorengia koe e rātou mā te:

• Te kī atu kia pai koe ki te whakaatu i ō kare ā-roto — “Kaua e hanga he āhua whakahihi ki konei,” “He tino whakaari koe,” “He aha koe me whakahua ake ai ināianei?”
• Te arotahi ki te hunga e tautoko ana i a koe — "Tiakihia ō roimata. Kāore he tangata i konei hei kite i a koe"
• E taunaki ana kia taea e koe whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ngāwari noa iho — “Aroha mai kua whiriwhiria e koe kia pēnei te āhua” me “Kati te whakaaro nui/te manukanuka/te āwangawanga”
• E kī ana he tono tēnei kia aro mai rātou — “He nui taku mahi i ia rā, i ia rā. Aroha mai, kāore he wā mōku māu”

 7. Ka akiaki rātou i a koe kia wareware ki tō wheako, kaua e ora ake i taua wheako — "Tukua noa atu"

Ka whakaoho te wheako mamae katoa i te oma, te whawhai, te tūpato, te whakangā rānei i roto i te tangata. Kāore he urupare "wareware". Ka whakaoho pea te roro tangata i te wehenga, he wāhanga tēnei o te urupare tūpato. Ahakoa i roto i taua horopaki, me tukatuka hauora te tangata i ōna kare ā-roto kia ora ai i te mamae. E ai ki te whakaaro a ako, mā te wareware, mā te huna rānei i ngā kare ā-roto ka nui ake te kaha o aua kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka kitea e koe i roto i tō hoa:

• Te kore aro ki te tukatuka hauora o ngā kare ā-roto — "Ngotehia"
• He āhua ki te huna i ngā mea katoa — "Kaua e kōrero mō tēnei"
• Ngā ngana ki te kati i te take — "Kua oti te mea kua oti. Kāore e taea e tātou te mahi i tetahi mea mōna. Kia wareware tātou"

8. Ka whakatikahia e rātou ngā mea katoa mā roto i tētahi kāpehu matatika pakari — "te hiahia o te Atua"

Kua roa te tangata e whakamahi ana i te atua, i te whakapono, i te matatika rānei hei whakamārama i ō rātou uauatanga. Ko te whakapono ki te Atua, ko te noho rānei hei mema o te hapori, he pūnaha tautoko pea mō te tini, engari ko te whakamārama i te uauatanga o tētahi, kāore pea i te pai. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Kaua rawa ngā whakapono whakapono e waiho hei whakamārama mō te whakakore i ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa. Kāore pea he whakapono ōrite o te katoa, ā, kāore pea te katoa e marino i muri i te rongonga i aua kōrero." Tērā pea ka kite koe i ngā tohu o te whakakorenga kare ā-roto ina:

• Kawea mai te Karma ki te pikitia - "He take te mea ka puta mai i ngā mea katoa"
• Whakaarohia kāore he aha o ō wheako o nāianei — "Kāore te Atua e hoatu ki a koe he mea nui atu i tōu kaha"
• Kia pakari te whakaaro — “Inoi ki ā, ka pai ngā mea katoa"

Te pānui e pā ana: Te whakaaro kāore e hiahiatia ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga - me pēhea te whakatau?

9. E kī ana rātou kei te whakaari noa koe — "E tino mōhio ana ahau kāore pea i pērā te kino"

Ka puta te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto i roto i te marena me ngā whanaungatanga aroha ina uaua tetahi o ngā hoa ki te whakapono ki tetahi. He maha ngā wā ka puta tēnei ina he iti rawa te whakaaro o tetahi o ngā hoa ki a ia anō. Tērā pea ka puta tēnei i te āhua o te whakamārama hau i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ina mahia ā-tauira. Tērā pea ka:

• Whakahē i ō kōrero — “E tino mōhio ana koe koinā tāna i kōrero ai?” he “Engari he aha ia i kōrero ai i tērā?”
• Whakaarohia tō kore e taea te mārama ki ngā kaupapa — "I mau koe i ō mōhiti?"
• Whakakitea mai tētahi mahi o mua hei whakakore i tō whakaaro — "I kōrerotia anō hoki tēnei e koe i te wiki kua taha ake nei. Me pēhea rā ahau e whakapono ai ki a koe?"

10. Ka tukuna koe e rātou ki te ahi ahi — "Ehara i te mea koinei te āhua i tupu ai"

Ina hiahia te tangata ki te whakakore i tō whanonga, e mahi ana rātou i tēnei hei akiaki i a koe kia whai i te whanonga e pai ana ki a rātou. He taahiraa matua tēnei o gaslighting ko tā rātou he whakapōturi i ngā kōrero kia puta ai te āhua kua puta tētahi atu mea. Mā ēnei mahi ka mahia:

• Te kī kāore koe i te kaha ki te aromatawai i te mooni — "He nui te ahotea i roto i a koe i ēnei rā" "Kua hē rawa tō māramatanga"
• Te whakahāwea i a koe mō ā rātou whanonga whakakino — "I te āhua nei kei te tangi koe i mua i te katoa. He aha atu te huarahi i a au i tua atu i te wehe atu i te pāti?"
• Te wehe i a koe i ētahi atu tāngata — "Ka kata ō hoa ki a koe"

11. Tērā pea ka whakapae rātou i a koe — "He aha koe te kore ai e harikoa mō tētahi wā?"

I whakatipuria ahau e tētahi whaea kāore i te aro ki ngā kare ā-roto. Kāore au i te pai ki te kōrero ki a ia mā te waea, ā, i reira ka whakapae ia i ahau mō te kore e toro atu ki a ia. He maha ngā wā ka wareware a Rory i tōku manukanuka mō te tūtaki ki a ia. He nanakia tēnei, ehara i te mea nā te mea kua raru kē ahau ki te whakatau i ōku kare ā-roto mōna, engari nā te mea ko Rory Tuhinga o mua i uaua ai māku te kōrero ki a ia mō taua mea. He maha ngā wā ka whai whakaaro poto ngā hoa:

• Te hara i mahia e koe pērā i a Rory ki ahau — "Kei te ora tonu tō whaea. Kua mate tōku whaea"
• Me waiho koe kia noho mokemoke i roto i tētahi rōpū — “Kia pai! Kua tae mai te katoa ki te tautoko i a koe” (me te whakatoi)
• He uaua ki te aroha ki a koe — "Te pouri i muri i te whānautanga? Kei te pouri koe nā te mea he tamariki ataahua ēnei?"

12. E ngana ana rātou ki te whakama i a koe — "I aha koe i kākahu ai?"

Ko te kore aro tetahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto. He maha ngā wā, ina uaua te hononga kare ā-roto o te tokorua, ka kore pea tetahi o te hoa e aro ki tetahi atu. Hei tauira, ki te kore tō wahine, tō tāne rānei e aro ki a koe mō te moepuku, ka ngana pea rātou ki te whakama i a koe mō ō hiahia moepuku, mō te hiahia rānei ki te moepuku. He mea pea tēnei he tohu whakatūpato mō te tāne whakahaere wahine rānei. I roto rānei i tētahi āhuatanga kino rawa atu, ki te tukino tetahi i a koe i te taha moepuku, ka whakaaro pea tō hoa rangatira kei a koe te take. Tērā pea ka:

• Nohoia he tūranga tika - "He pononga ahau e mahi ana, engari kāore e taea e koe te whakahaere i tō hiahia"
• Me kī atu i whakaae koe ki te tukinotanga — "I hoatu e koe he tohu ki a rātou? Me kī rānei "Kei te āhua nei he pai ki a koe te katoa"

13. E whakaari ana rātou kei te tautoko i a koe — "He pai ake tēnei"

Ko tētahi atu huarahi e whakakorekore ai ngā hoa i a koe i roto i ō kare ā-roto ko te whakaari kei te tautoko rātou i a koe. He āhuatanga nui te kaha ki te wehewehe i waenga i te tautoko me te otinga.

• E mea ana rātou kei reira rātou hei tautoko i a koe, engari kāore i te maha ngā wā ka whakarongo mai rātou ki āu kōrero. Engari, ka hoatu e rātou he otinga ina kī koe kāore koe e hiahia ana ki aua mea.
• I ētahi wā, ka huna e rātou ngā mea i a koe — "Kei te ngana ahau ki te tiaki i a koe"
• I ētahi wā, ka ngoikore pea tā rātou tautoko nā te mea ka tīmata koe ki te ruarua i a koe anō — "Kei te tino mohio koe kei te pai koe?" (e pātai ana i tēnei i ngā wā katoa)

Te pānui e pā ana: 7 Ngā Tohu o te Mokemoke i roto i te Hononga, me pēhea te whakatau

14. Ka mahi rātou mōu — "Ka mihi mai koe ki ahau ā muri ake nei"

Ko te mahi i tetahi mea mā te tangata, ina koa kāore rātou e tono ana, ehara i te mea he whakaute noa iho, engari he whakararuraru hoki i tōna mana whakahaere. Ki te mahi tō hoa i ētahi mahi māu, ka kite koe:

• He tauira o te kore aro ki ō hiahia. He maha ngā wā ka haere tahi tēnei me te reo e ahua pouri ana, e ruarua ana rānei, e whakaatu ana kei te hoki whakamuri koe i ō kupu — "I mahara ahau i hiahia KOE ki tēnei"
• He whakaaro kei te mahi rātou i tētahi mea pai māu — “Kei te ngana ahau ki te āwhina i a koe” “Hei pai mōu ake” “E kore rawa koe e oti i tēnei me te kore ahau”

15. Ka karohia e rātou te kawenga — "Kua ngenge rawa ahau mō tēnei mea"

Ka kitea whānuitia tēnei tauira ina ngana tetahi o ngā hoa ki te kati i a rātou anō nā te mea he uaua ki a rātou te aro atu ki ngā hiahia kare ā-roto o tā rātou hoa. Ahakoa kāore i te whakaarohia, ka taea te whakamahi hei tikanga tiaki hei karo te kawenga kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatangaKei reira:

• Te hiahia ki te muru i ō rātou hara — "Ehara i te mea nōku te he. Kua nui rawa taku mahi i te rā katoa"
• Te aro nui ki a koe anō i ia wā ka whakahuatia e koe tētahi mea — "Kāore au i te tino pai. Ā muri ake nei, me kōrero tāua?"
• He tauira o te kore aro ki a koe, me te kōrero atu ki a koe i tētahi mea e whakaaro ana rātou he mea nui ake — "Āe, tika. I rongo koe i tēnei …?"

16. Ka rapu utu rātou — "He aha tāu e pai ai ki te reka o tāu ake rongoā?"

E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ka taea e te hoa riri te tinihanga, ā, ka taea e ia te whakaatu whanonga pukuriri-kore i roto i ngā whanaungatanga"... Ka kitea anō hoki tēnei ina whakakahoretia e rātou ō kare ā-roto nā te mea e hiahia ana rātou ki te whiu i a koe mō tētahi mea i mahia e koe." Ka taea tēnei te whakararuraru nā te mea:

• Tērā pea ka karohia rawatia e rātou te take — "He tuitui noa iho. He aha koe i hamama ai? Kāore au i hamama pērā te nui i taku whānautanga i tāu tamaiti"
• Ka whakaarahia ake e rātou tētahi tautohe kua whakatauhia i mua ake nei — "Kāore au e mōhio me pēhea te āwhina i a koe ki ngā take pūtea, nā te mea, pērā i tāu i kī ai i tētahi rā, kei te noho noa ahau i te kāinga i te rā katoa" me "Kāore koe i kōrero i tetahi mea i taku wā i whakamutua ai taku mahi. He aha koe i tumanako ai kia whakamarie ahau i a koe?"
• Ka tono rātou i a koe kia atawhai - "Me hiahia koe ki taku pakihiwi hei tangihanga māu. E mōhio ana koe ki taku e hiahia ana ... "

Te pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Huarahi Ataahua Hei Whakaipoipo i tō Hoa Rangatira – Whakarei ake i tō Marenatanga

17. Kāore rātou e whakawhirinaki ki a koe — "Me pēhea taku whakapono ki a koe i muri i taua aituā?"

Ko te hunga e raru ana ki te waranga, ki ngā mate hinengaro rānei, he maha ngā wā ka pāngia rātou e tēnei āhuatanga. Tērā pea ka whakaatu tō rātou hoa i te kore whakapono, i te whakakore rānei i ō rātou wheako. Ka kaha ake tēnei kore whakapono i muri i ngā wā maha o te korenga o te whakapono. Heoi anō, ka whānui haere te tawhiti i waenganui i ngā hoa i te wā e kitea ana e rātou te pono. he uaua ki te whakawhirinaki te tetahi. E tupu pinepine ana tēnei penei:

• E pātai ana rātou i tō pono — "I inu koe?"
• Ka whakaūtia e rātou mai i tētahi atu tangata kei mua i a koe
• Ka meinga e rātou hei kawenga — "Aue, me i mutu tāu mahi i tēnei ki ahau"

18. Ka whakaitihia e rātou ō mea whakaohooho — "Ehara ngā clown i te mea whakamataku, he katakata rātou"

Ko tētahi atu o ngā tohu tawhito e tohu ana kei te whakahawea tō hoa ki ō kare ā-roto, ko te whakaiti i ō kare ā-roto. He kino rawa atu ina tawai tō hoa i a koe, e kī ana i ngā mea mamae, ka pātai rānei i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i a koe, ahakoa i āta whakaarohia, i kore rānei i āta whakaarohia. He maha ngā wā ka puta tēnei ina kore e mārama ki te mahi a te mataku/te whara. Tērā pea ka kite koe i:

• He tauira tawai i a koe mō tā rātou e whakaaro nei he mea noa — "Āe, nō reira kei te wehi koe i te tae kōwhai? Me huri pea ahau ki te kōwhai māwhero"
• Te mauahara mō tā rātou e whakaaro nei he mana motuhake — "Trypophobia, āe? I tunua e tō kaimahi tunu kai te taro, kāore he kōhao?"
• Te āhua o te kore aro atu ina pāngia koe e te riri — "Akohia te tango i te katakata"

19. Ka akiakihia koe e rātou ki ngā āhuatanga kino — "Kāore he mamae, kāore he hua"

Ko te mea kino rawa atu ka taea e tō hoa te mahi ki a koe ko te akiaki i a koe ki roto i ngā āhuatanga kino, whakararuraru hoki, hei "whakamaori" i a koe. Ahakoa rangahau e kī ana ka taea te whakarerekē i te whanonga ina tūtaki koe ki tētahi āhuatanga tino kino, ko te tūtaki ki a ia i runga i ō ake tikanga me te akiaki ki roto i taua āhuatanga he mea rerekē e rua. Mā te akiaki ki roto i tētahi mea ka taea te whakanui ake i te mamae me te whakakino ake i ngā āhuatanga. Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai mēnā kei te whakakorehia ō kare ā-roto?

• Ka āta panaia koe e rātou ki ngā āhuatanga uaua — "Me pēhea e taea ai e koe te wikitoria i te agoraphobia ki te kore koe e haere ki waho?"
• Ka tawai rātou ki a koe — "Tirohia, kei te whakamahi ngā tamariki nohinohi i te ararewa. E 20 hēkona noa iho te roa"
• Ka whakaatu rātou i te mamae mēnā kāore e taea e koe te aro atu ki te ahotea — "Kei te ngana ahau ki te āwhina i a koe, kāore koe e whakawhirinaki mai ki ahau?"

20. E kī ana rātou kia rūpahu koe — "Ae, kei te mamae tō upoko inaianei"

He tino whakarihariha te kīanga a taku hoa o mua, a Rory, mō aku mate pōuri, he mea nāku i "hanga" hei whiu i a ia. Kāore ia e whakapono he roa ake ngā mate pōuri i ngā rā torutoru. I whakapono ia kei te pōuri ahau nā te mea i hiahia ahau ki te whakakahore i tana "āwhina". Kāore ia i te mōhio me pēhea te whakatau. te whakaipoipo i tētahi e manukanuka anaHei whakarapopototanga, ehara i te mea rerekē te rongonga i:

• "Me pēhea rā taku kōrero ki a koe, ā, kāore e pāngia ōu mahunga?"
• "Nō reira, ka taea e koe te mahi me te mamae o te upoko, engari kaua e moe tāne"
• "Kaua e kī mai ki ahau me aha ahau. Ka mamae tōku upoko"

21. Ka kōrerotia e rātou ngā kupu tika me te reo hē

Tērā pea ka kite koe e whakamahi ana tō hoa i ngā kupu tika, engari he rerekē tōna reo, ā, ka mārama koe ki te kōrero. Tuhinga o mua me te tautoko. Tērā pea ka kite koe:

• Te reo whakatoi, te reo whakatoi rānei
• Ko ētahi kōrero ka kōrerotia i roto i ngā kōrero whakaari
• Te korenga o te tae o ō rātou reo. Me te mea nei kei te whakahua anō rātou i ngā kupu i pānuihia e rātou i tētahi wāhi, ā, kāore i te kōrerotia mai i te ngākau.

Te pānui e pā ana: 8 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakatipu i te Haumarutanga o te Hinengaro i roto i tō Hononga

22. Ngā tohu kore-waha o te whakakorenga kare ā-roto

He maha ngā wā, ehara i te mea ko tā rātou e kōrero ana, engari ko tā rātou e mahi ana. He maha ngā wā ka whakaatu te hunga hoa kore aro i te kore aro mā roto i ngā tohu reo tinana. Kei roto i tēnei rārangi, engari kāore i te herea ki:

• Ngā tohu kanohi: Te hurihuri o ngā kanohi, te aue, te kōmiomio o ngā ngutu, te whakaara ake i ngā tukemata
• Reo tinana ngā tohu: Te tahuri ke atu i a koe, te titiro ki tā rātou waea pūkoro i a koe e kōrero ana, te pōkaikaha ki a koe engari e titiro ana ki tētahi atu mea, te whakararuraru i a koe e tētahi mea i runga i ō kākahu, te nekeneke haere, me ērā atu mea.
• Te karo i te aroaro tinana: Ka wareware tō hoa ki a koe mō ngā rā, ka noho rānei i tētahi atu rūma. Ka pupuri rāua i te tawhiti i waenganui i a kōrua

23. Ngā huringa kino o ō whanonga

Mā te āta haere, ki te haere tonu tēnei, ka kite koe, te hunga rānei e karapoti ana i a koe, i ngā huringa nui o ō whanonga. Ko te mea nui, kāore koe, kāore hoki te hunga e karapoti ana i a koe e pai ki ēnei huringa. Ko tētahi o ngā hua nui o te whakakorekore a tō hoa i a koe, ko te pānga kino ki tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, ā, ka tīmata koe ki te whakaatu i te... ngā tohu o te whanonga iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anōTērā pea ka kitea ngā huringa e whai ake nei i roto i tō tuakiri:

• Ka tīmata koe ki te manukanuka mō te whakapuaki i tetahi mea ki tetahi
• Ka tīmata koe ki te whakaiti i ō raruraru, ā, ka noho hei mea noa. Ka tino rerekē te whakaaro kei te mamae koe, ā, ka miharo koe ina whakaae mai ētahi atu ki ō kare ā-roto.
• Ka tīmata koe ki te whanake i ngā whanonga tino kino, ā, ka riri, ka pōuri hoki ki te tangata. I ētahi wā ka pōuri koe, ka ngākau pouri, engari ka hihiko, ka hihiri hoki ki ētahi atu.
• Ka ruarua koe mō tō kōrero. Ka tīmata koe ki te kohikohi 'taunakitanga', pērā i ngā whakaahua mata, mehemea ka ruarua tetahi i a koe. Ina koa ka mura te hau i a koe. Ko tētahi atu tohu i kitea mai i tēnei whanonga ko te tīmatanga ki te whakamārama nui rawa i a koe anō kia mau ai tō pono.
• Ka mataku koe ki te tūtaki ki ngā tāngata hou, ā, e mataku tonu ana koe kei whakahengia koe e rātou

He aha ngā pānga o te whakakorenga o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?  

Ka pā kino pea te whakakorenga kare ā-roto ki te hauora hinengaro o te tangata e whiwhi ana i te whakakorenga kare ā-roto. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto he huarahi e kōrero ai tō tātou hinengaro huna ki tō tātou hinengaro mohio. Ina kore e aro tō hoa ki ō kare ā-roto, ina kī rānei kāore he aha, ka puta he rangirua, ā, ka nui ake te kino mena kāore e arohia." Ko ngā pānga o te whakakorenga kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko:

1. Te kino hinengaro

E ai ki te ako, mā te ngoikore tonu o te kare ā-roto ka taea te tohu i te tīmatanga o te pouri. Haunga te whakaputa i ngā kare ā-roto o te mokemoke, te koretake, te pōhēhē, me te whakaiti i te tangata e pāngia ana, he maha ngā wā ka puta te ngoikore tawhiti aronganui, pakanga, me te pakaru o te whanaungatanga. 

• Tērā pea ka pā ki te kaha o te tangata ki te whakahaere i ōna ake kare ā-roto me ōna whanonga, ka kore ai rātou e pai ki roto i tētahi taiao pāpori.
• Ka whakararu i te māramatanga o te tangata ki a ia anō me tōna mana, ka hua ake ngā kare ā-roto o te riri, te pouri, te whakama, me te kore mana.
• E ai ki te ako, ina kore koe e arohia e te hoa, e whakakorekore rānei i ō kare ā-roto, ka pā kino ki tō mahi o ia rā, ā, ka piki ake te tūponotanga o te whakawhanake i ngā mate hinengaro pēnei i te manukanuka, te mate ahotea muri-whara (PTSD), me te mate tuakiri rohe (BPD)

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Pānga o te Mate Tūākiri Rohe ki ngā Hononga

2. Me pātai koe ki tō mooni

Ina whakakorengia ō kare ā-roto e tō hoa, ka puta te whakaaro he koretake, he koretake, he koretake rānei ō kare ā-roto. Ka taea e ia te wehe atu i a rātou anō. Kua kitea ko te whakakorenga ka piki ake ngā kare ā-roto tuarua pēnei i te riri me te whakama mā te aukati i te whakaaturanga o ngā kare ā-roto tuatahi pēnei i te pouri. E ai ki te rangahau, ko te hunga kua raru kē ki te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto ka nui ake te kaha o tā rātou urupare ina kore e mohiotia tō rātou pouri i te taha kare ā-roto.

• Ko te hunga tairongo kare ā-roto ka nui ake te pānga o te whakakorenga kare ā-roto
• Tērā pea ka puta te koretake o te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto mai i te whakaakoranga he hē, he koretake hoki ngā tauhohenga kare ā-roto o te tangata.
• Ka taea e tēnei te arahi ki te ngaronga o utu whaiaro ā, e wehewehe ana i te tangata i te pono he mea nui rātou, ā, nō te ao e karapoti nei i a rātou
• Ka taea e ia te whakaroa tonu i a rātou ki tā rātou e mōhio ana me tō rātou kaha ki te kite i ngā mea e karapoti ana i a rātou.

3. Te mamae pumau

Ka pāngia te katoa e ngā hua o te hauātanga, ahakoa te pakeke, te ira tangata, te ahurea rānei, engari ko ngā tamariki te hunga tino whakaraerae. Nā te mea kei te whanake tonu tō rātou mōhiotanga me te māramatanga ki te ao, ka horapa haere te hauātanga. te mau mana'o papu oreKa pā pea tēnei ki te āhua o tā rātou whakapuakitanga i ō rātou kare ā-roto. 

• E ai ki te ako, i kitea ko te whakakorenga o ngā pūkenga o ngā hoa me ngā mema o te whānau ka whakapiki i te mōrearea o ngā mahi whakamomori, o ngā mahi tapahi rānei i a rātou anō i roto i ngā taiohi
• tetahi ako i whakaatu i te āhua o te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto i te wā tamarikitanga me te taiohitanga ka arahi ki te pehitanga o te kare ā-roto. He maha ngā wā ka arahi ki ngā raruraru hinengaro i ngā tau o muri mai, inā koa i roto i te ahua o ngā tohu pouri me te manukanuka.

Me pēhea tāu urupare ki te whakakorenga kare ā-roto?

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kite i te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto i roto i tō whanaungatanga, i te wā e pāngia ana koe e te raruraru, me te mahi i tetahi mea hei tiaki i a koe anō. I raru ahau i te matenga o tōku matua, ā, ko te rongonga i a Rory e ngunguru ana, e aue ana rānei nā te mea i noho puku ahau, i tangi rānei, kāore i āwhina. Ka karohia e au tetahi āhuatanga ka whakaoho i ahau. Nō muri mai, ka tīmata ahau ki te matapae i tana tauhohenga, ā, ka tīmata ahau ki te mahi i ngā mea ka koa ai ia. 

Ka taea e te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto te whakararu i te tangata, ka whakahohe i tā rātou urupare whawhai-rere-whakatio-kākā. Ka taea e koe te uru atu ki te aratau ora tonu, ka pā kino ki tō hauora hinengaro i te wā roa. Koia te take, ki te taea e koe te hono atu ki ngā tohu e kore e aro nui tō hoa ki ō kare ā-roto, he mea nui kia mahi koe i ngā mahi hei tiaki i tō oranga kare ā-roto. Anei ngā tohutohu e rima mō te urupare ki te ngoikore o te hoa:  

1. Me whakatinana e koe te aukati me ngā rohe

I roto i tona pukapuka, Te Raina Kāore e Kitea, ka kōrero te tohunga hinengaro a Benjamin Fry mō te mahi a te here me ngā rohe hei whakarite me te whakatairanga i tō tātou oranga. E ai ki a Fry, ko te here e pā ana ki te whakahaere i ā tātou urupare ki tētahi āhuatanga, ko ngā rohe ia e mahi ana hei whakaiti i te awe o aua whakaohooho ki tō tātou oranga kare ā-roto me te hinengaro. Ina whakamahia pai te here me ngā rohe, ka taea e rātou te āwhina i te tangata ki te whakahaere i te koretake o te kare ā-roto.

• Whakamātauria ngā tikanga whakatōtika hei whakaharatau i te pupuri. Arotahi ki te taiao e karapoti ana i a koe, arotahi ki ōna taipitopito, arotahi ki te whāngaitanga o aua taipitopito ki a koe mā roto i ngā kare ā-roto rerekē.
• Akohia te kī kāo hei whakatū ngā rohe hauora i roto i ngā whanaungatangaKi te whakaaro koe ka raru koe i tētahi āhuatanga, hoki atu i taua āhuatanga kia pai rā anō koe ki te aro atu ki taua āhuatanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te aroha ki a koe anō i roto i te whanaungatanga - 21 Tohutohu Whaihua

2. Me whakaharatau koe i te whakamana i a koe anō

Me mārama koe kāore e taea te whakawhirinaki ki te whakamana a ētahi atu. Ehara i te mea ka whakawhirinaki koe ki ngā whakaohooho o waho hei whakaoho i te harikoa, engari ka taea hoki e ia te heke iho o te whakaaro ki a koe anō. Me taea e koe te kī atu ki a koe anō me te whakaae he tika ō kare ā-roto, me te kore e hiahiatia he whakamana mai i tētahi atu, tae atu ki tō hoa rangatira. Ko te whakamana i a koe anō ka uru atu ki te whakaae ki a koe anō me ō hiahia, te manawanui ki a koe anō, me te ako ki te noho me ō ngoikoretanga.

• Puritia he pukapuka tuhi. Tuhia ō whāinga whaiaro, ā, tuhia i ngā wā katoa ka mahi koe i tētahi mea hei whakatutuki i ēnei whāinga.
• Tāutuhia ō raruraru. Ka taea e koe te ngana ki te whakatika i ēnei raruraru, engari ki te kore e taea, akohia te hohou i te rongo ki aua raruraru.
• Ki te whakaaro kino koe, kia mahara ki te kī atu, "Kāore he aha." Hoatu te kupu whakatenatena ki a koe anō.
• Kaua e aro ki te ngana ki te whakarerekē i ētahi atu kia whakamanahia ai koe. Kāore e taea e tātou te whakarite i ngā whanonga a ētahi atu kia rite ki a tātou anō. Ki te mea kei te noho koe i roto i te tukino tonu, kāti... te wā hei neke whakamua 

3. Me karanga e koe

Ki te mea he maha ngā wā ka whakakorekorehia koe e tō hoa, ahakoa he āta whakaarohia, he kore rānei, me kī atu. Ka ohorere rātou, ka pouri, ka riri rānei i te tuatahi, engari me kī atu koe he mamae tōu ngākau.

• Tāutuhia te whanonga e kitea ana e koe he mea whakakorekore. Kōrero tonu atu ki a rātou
• Me tū pakari koe. He tino pai ngā hoa tinihanga ki te tukino i a rātou anō. Nō reira, kia mārama koe ki te take.
• Me whai wā okioki, mēnā ka kino haere. Tērā pea ka whakahē tō hoa ki tēnei engari me kōrero atu koe ki a ia me pēhea te whakatau i te wā okiokinga i roto i te whanaungatanga

4. Kia noho koe hei huringa

He mea noa ake te whakakorenga kare ā-roto i roto i ngā marena me ngā whanaungatanga aroha i tā tātou e whakaaro nei. He maha ngā wā ka kiia he pai, he mea whakakatakata rānei. Kāore hoki te whakakorenga kare ā-roto mau tonu i te pai. Tērā pea kua whakakorengia e koe ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa i tētahi wā. Ako ki te aroha me te whakarongo ki ā rātou kupu.

• Whakamahia ngā kupu tautoko tetahi ki tetahi. Whakamahia ngā kupu pēnei i te "He ahua whakarihariha" kaua ki te "Kati te amuamu"
• Mātakihia tō hoa. Ko te tangata e pōuri tonu ana ōna kare ā-roto, e mataara tonu ana.
• Kōrero pono ki a rātou. Hono atu ki a rātou, ka pātai atu mēnā he āhuatanga kei roto i ō whanonga e whakararuraru ana i a rātou.
• In midsommarI wehi tonu a Dani kei whakarērea ia e tana hoa tāne. He wehi noa tēnei i waenga i te hunga katoa e mau ana i te ngoikore o te kare ā-roto, me te kore e amuamu mōna. Kōrero atu ki tō hoa kei reira koe mō rātou i ngā wā pai, i ngā wā kino hoki.

Te pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Whakatipu i te Hononga i ia Rā

5. Kaua e whakamā ki te āwhina a te tohunga

I te taenga mai o te mōhiotanga kei te whakakorengia ahau, ka kī atu ahau ki a Rory e hiahia ana ahau ki te okioki. Kāore i te miharo, ka tīmata ia ki te kī he mahi tinihanga tēnei ki te wehe i a rāua, engari i tū pakari ahau. I runga i te whakaaro o tētahi hoa, ka whakatau ahau ki te tango i te rongoā hinengaro. Koinei tētahi o ngā whakatau pai rawa atu o tōku ao.

• Whakamātauria te aro ki ō kare ā-roto. He mea nui te aroātahi mēnā e hiahia ana koe kia angitu te rongoā.
• Kimihia te kaiwhakaora tika mō ō hiahia. I Bonobology, he tino pai tā mātou ratonga rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro me ngā kaitohutohu mō ō hiahia hauora hinengaro katoa

Thoughts Final

He whakapono noa iho ko te hunga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga he tautoko tetahi i tetahi, ā, ko te whakakorenga he mea āta whakaaro noa iho. Heoi anō, he maha ngā wā kāore te tangata e mōhio kei te whakakorekore pea rātou i ō rātou hoa. E whakaaro ana rātou he mahi tēnei hei "āwhina" i tā rātou hoa kia wikitoria i tētahi wheako uaua, kāore rānei rātou e aroha ki a rātou anō. 

Ka whakakorengia hoki e te tangata ngā kare ā-roto nā te mea kāore i te pai ki te kite i ō rātou ake kare ā-roto kāore anō kia tukatukahia e te whakaaturanga kare ā-roto a tō rātou hoa. I ēnei āhuatanga katoa, ko te aho noa e toe ana ko te whakakorenga ka arahi ki te mamae hinengaro nui. Ki te kite koe i ētahi tohu o te whakakorenga kare ā-roto i roto i tō whanaungatanga, me mahi inaianei ka āwhina ki te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga pai ake māu.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.